How can I help my husband?

I’m to a point where I don’t know what to do. My husband and I have been together for 10 years and we have 3 beautiful children, our youngest which is 15 months.
My husband has disabilities (he is high functioning though- works, takes care of himself etc)
However he does have OCD and over the past few years it has gotten bad and he refuses help. His mother and I have both tried to get him to see someone.
He will be fine for a while but then he will go through a phase of it. For example, the last 2 years in his mind he decided he was dying. He had a manic episode and he believed we all knew he was dying and that we were hiding from him. It was to a point where he started planning where he wants to be buried, etc.
Another episode that has been recurring and is recently getting bad, he thinks I cheat on him. Now on a side note, I have NEVER talked to another man nor cheated. I have never given my husband a real reason to question my loyalty. He just makes reasons in his head.
For example, he’s on a kick about how he thinks I have a secret phone to talk to men.
It’s to a point where every night I go to bed, he searches and goes through my phone and tries to find nonexistent evidence.
And I have to wake up to him questioning me at 3 in the morning.
It’s also so bad, I really have no friends in my life except my mom. I’ve had friends in the past but he runs them all off (thinks they cheat on their husbands and a bad influence on me)
I had a best friend at a job I worked at and he flipped out at me and it got so bad I quit the job because he decided and told his whole family I was a lesbian with my coworker.
I am not a lesbian nor do I cheat.
There’s been multiple instances of him accusing me of having thinking I’m secretly in love with his friends.
I’ve been putting up with this crap for years. Now here’s the last straw-
He is now accusing me of our 15 month old not being his. He’s accused me twice now and blames his OCD. I told him we can get paternity testing or whatever. But this child as well as our other 2 look identical to him nor have I ever had intercourse with anyone else since we have been together!
But he thinks I’m crazy for being offended and to be honest I don’t even want our baby around him now because he thinks she isn’t his anyways.
I will add to this post, he had a traumatic childhood with his dad cheating on his mom, divorce, and all the drama.
But it’s no excuse, I am a good woman, wife and mom and this man finds excuses not to trust me. And I can’t take it anymore. I’m to a point where I almost hate him after 10 years into this marriage.
I know everyone’s going to say to make him get help or leave. But it’s not that easy with him.

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How can I help my husband? - Mamas Uncut

He sounds unstable & toxic. I would leave personally.

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You need to do what is best for you and the kids. Next he will be accusing them of things. You need to tell him either you seek help or we can’t be together.

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You should leave. For the sake of yourself and your children. This situation could turn dangerous quickly if he isn’t seeking help.

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He sounds like hehas severe mental illness, not ocd

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It is that easy though. You do not deserve how he treats you. His mental illness is not a reason to treat those around him like garbage, this is coming from someone who is also mentally ill. He needs an ultimatum, therapy/treatment or divorce. Plain and simple.

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He definitely has a more severe mental illness than run of the mill OCD.

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That’s tough however he CHOSES to not get help. All while leaving you to deal with the accusations. Read that again.

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I have ocd and although it does come with magical thinking its usually attached to some kind of compulsive repetative behavior. This sounds more like a mood disorder and he should be seen promptly before it gets worse. If I was in your position i would tell him either he seeks treatment or I walk. Its unfair for him to continue his own suffering to you for him blaming you and your kids seeing him unstable. With untreated mental health it can get bad pretty quick so please stay safe. Maybe find somewhere to go while he decides what he wants.

Also I want to point out that mental health issues are a point of understanding however they are in no way shape or form an excuse for accusations hurtful words and actions!!!

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Sorry you’re going through this and I know you already know this but he really does need help. Also-this is not OCD. I think you hit the nail on the head when you referenced a “manic episode”.

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He needs more/diff psych help. If he wont i would personally leave. Im a mental patient too. If he wont work on his probs/illness then you/kids should prob leave for safety. Delusions can be very dangerous

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He needs medication to be able to think clearly. I’d be divided if I had to go threw that. For him, he has to choose to get help and stick with it or lose his family because of his own mind. Let him know how much you love him and want to be with him, but you also deserve to be happy. He needs to understand that he can’t blame ocd for putting you threw hell. If he loves you and your family he’d look for help. I pray things get better for you and your family

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This sounds like way more issues than just OCD. Think about how this will affect your kids. This is abuse. Get out.

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This is something more than ocd…

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You’re right, it’s not that easy but it probably always boils down to stay or leave. Take care of yourself and kiddos first. This is your life too, and if he won’t seek additional help or therapy, you ultimately have to decide if this is the life you want to keep living and exposing your children to. This must be exhausting — you deserve some peace. :blue_heart:

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I’m going to go ahead and tell you, as somebody who’s partner has ocd, none of this is ocd. And he needs to get into some therapy to figure out what the heck is going on with him.

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Get him checked for schizophrenia my ex did that and I continuously brought it up with his doctor. We’re divorced now because he pulled this crap on me.

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He could have borderline personality disorder.

It sounds like cocaine paranoid.
*I am diagnosed OCD and this doesn’t sound like OCD to me. OCD = a worry and a repetitive physical behavior like hand washing, checking, ect.

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Sounds like he’s schizophrenic

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That man DOES NOT have OCD… Sounds like he is bipolar/schizophrenic. He needs immediate medical attention.

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Or could possibly be using drugs…

OCD? Yea okay that man around there tripping getting on yo damn nerves :woozy_face:

Hunnie, he is choosing not to get help. There’s definitely more than ocd going on. This will continue to get worse. He needs to be given an ultimatum…to get help or you’re leaving. You and your kids don’t deserve this in your life if he won’t seek help. Think about your kids and yourself.

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does he take medicine? if so check check all, with doctor or just read paper that comes with all medicine (side effects)

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This is not OCD. He needs an accurate diagnosis and treatment by a psychiatric provider.

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That sounds more like schizophrenia than ocd honestly. You may have to seek help without his consent.

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This honestly does not sound like ocd (I have ocd, and I know all individuals experience it differently, but this does not sound like ocd at all). This sounds more like severe paranoia or paranoid schizophrenia. He sounds like he has more severe mental illnesses, or Atleast mental illnesses on top of OCD.

You honestly need to leave for your children if he is refusing help. He’s going to start getting manic and paranoid with your kids, and could seriously hurt them.

If he’s having legitimate delusions where he believes everyone is plotting against him, he may start to believe your kids are plotting against him.

You need to give him an ultimatum to get help or you’re leaving. It is extremely unsafe to have someone experiencing these thoughts around your kids, if they’re not getting help at all.

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Sounds like he’s on drugs…

Sounds like psychosis. My now ex has this. It’s horrible and I was put on the stand numerous times a day and he thought everyone was out to get him. Seek help. Does not get better.

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Just because he refuses help doesn’t mean you have to stay and be miserable.

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Depending on where you live you may be able to have him held for a mental evaluation & force him to get help that way - best of luck!

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I’ve read half of this post and you said ocd? This sounds like schizophrenia ?or some type of paranoia delusion disorder

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Regardless of his mental stability, this is abusive and it is a danger to you and your children. Also if he’s not seeking treatment, he can’t bring up his mental state as an excuse. It is likely he is purposely treating you this and using ocd as an out.

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Bi polar explosive I have it too Def not OCD 302 E.O.D him make him get help easy or not you have a 15 month old who needs a healthy daddy or he’s schizophrenia and that’s not a good combo. Too be off meds on

This is not OCD this is abuse. Can’t have friends? Isolation so he can abuse you. Gaslighting you. And honestly it sounds more like schizophrenia than OCD. It’s obviously a mental illness of some kind. If he refuses help you should leave.

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There’s nothing you can do if he doesn’t want to get help. You are just putting yourself and child thru abuse. Leave and maybe he can get help for himself but it’s really not safe for you to continue being in a relationship and living with this man. He sounds delusional and dangerous

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:musical_note: It’s beginning to look a lot like L E A V E T H E M :musical_note:

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Well I can only say is leave him yes it’s hard but what’s harder leavin him or knowing your kids are growing up believing that a fd up relationship is healthy…

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Kind of sounds schizophrenic

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Sounds to me like untreated bipolar. An antipsychotic could be beneficial to help with the paranoia.

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It doesn’t sound like OCD. It sounds like untreated schizophrenia. And it will get a lot worse if it continues to be unmedicated and untreated

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You need to walk away or ask him to get a mental help .it not healthy and it will only get worse for your kids and your safety give him options but don’t leave things like that

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I would leave for my for your own sanity

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It’s time to go. He sounds very insecure, and there’s nothing you’ve done to cause that. It’s in his own mind. He sounds older than you, which means he should know better.

Thats not ocd. I got out of the same situation 9 months ago. He made up things that literally never happened (finding lingerie in my car) and doubts the paternity of all 3 of our kids. I never cheated on him. But i couldnt take the accusations and feeling guilty for no reason.

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It is actually that easy…make the choice to end it and leave period.

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I completely understand this. My husband is schizophrenic. He always thinks I’m doing something. He obsesses about things and has gotten us into a huge amount of debt from his obsessions. I moved from America to Poland to be with him. We got in a fight one night in a city in Poland I have never been to and I don’t speak polish. We have a son together. He calculated my date of conception and apparently I conceived the night we got into a fight and I went for a 45 minute walk. In his mind I met someone, communicated with them somehow, had sex and got pregnant. In 45 minutes. He also has thrown it in my face several times. He refuses a paternity test. I had to drop out of night classes because I’m afraid of how he’ll treat “my” son. We’ve been married 6 years. Our son turns 4 in 2 weeks. I’m saving money to get out. I just can’t handle it anymore. Hugs to you because I know how hard it is

the guilty accuse ………… ocd or not the guilty accuse

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Wake up and smell the coffee it’s more than OCD I just left State a month ago to get away from my daughters uncle you better run fast been putting up with him for 16 yrs and he’s tried to kill me 3 x so Don’t listen to anybody and leave now!! Not for your sanity for your kids because it ruined mine

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It can be OCD for sure…
He is obbessed with his health & her cheating.
He searchs everynight on her phone etc…That is an complusion… Cause its running through his mind non stop until a new " fear" comes. Its not any diffrerent then people who do constant checks on their house before leaving or going to sleep.
It doesn’t mean he has other mental disabilities or that he is "trying " to be toxic.He needs meds & CBT thearpy

This isn’t ocd just letting you know it’s sounds more like bipolar disorder honestly. You need to decide if u want to continue living this life or leaving this life cause if it’s bipolar like it sounds it’s going to get worse until he’s medicated trust me I know.

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It’s a toxic situation and my suggestion would be an ultimatum. Go seek help or we are separating. You have to think about the kids first. I know he is sick but you are not his Dr and you are not going to be able to fix him, only a Dr can help him.

And you say it’s not easy to leave him then get a protection order and find somewhere else to live like with your mom.

Sounds like he needs professional help and its definitely more than OCD

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That’s called untreated mental illness, he needs meds, treatment one or both. I have mental illness so I know and not just depression. Bc that is a super toxic relationship.

I would at least present a trail separation and say you need help or I will file for divorce. If you hate him I would divorce him anyways you don’t need to subject yourself to this but maybe it would at least get him some help for his kids sake. This sounds so terrible I’m so sorry you’ve endured it this long

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Behavior therapist here and that does not fit a lot of OCD characteristics( just based on what you’re stating) Whether it is or not, I highly encourage you to get him a full medical and psychological eval before this turns even more violent.

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That’s not OCD hun … He needs to seek some sort of mental health help.

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This is not OCD this is paranoia, this is crazy. This is going to get worse, especially if he believes these delusional idea he has. Get him help or I would leave.

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If his mental illness is that unstable how can you be sure kids will be safe if he doesn’t get help especially when he is starting to state you cheat and they aren’t his? Nope. Time to go or he has to get help. There is no going around it.

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Narcissistic…not OCD. Know the difference.

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Get him a pair of clown shoes for Xmas,…and don’t forget the red nose.

Yeah he needs to get help. He might have more than just ocd but you have to think of your and your kids own mental health. If he won’t get help then you need to leave.

Yes it is that easy he’s a grown man. He could cut the crap out because I personally using his ocd as an excuse to be an ass. I would not be his punching bag nor my kids. If that unstable then you need to get you and those kids away from him. He’s manipulating you. OCD is not those symptoms.

You might consider giving him an ultimation seek professional help or he is gone. This is not a healthy for anyone unfortunately the children have no choice in this situation but you and your partner as adults do. :hugs:

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You cannot make him get help. Leave. He is abusive and being OCD is not an excuse. He will turn on the children.

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He needs help!
He may turn mean
and hurt you or the baby!
Be careful and good luck!!

Make an apointment for a dna test.or buy kits from ancestry.com.once your results are here.tell him he needs help or your going to leave.the obsession is paternity right now.the compulsion is the checking your phone.once the obsession is faced with reality you are going to have a short window of time to insist on this before his mind eather manufactures a new obsession or justifys the old one.it isnt his fault.only that he isnt seeking help.

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Multiple personality disorder?

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He definitely has delusional thinking. He needs a mental health assessment asap. A lot of questions need to be asked for a diagnosis such as family mental health history, trauma history, onset, suicidal thoughts/behaviors, etc. Maybe suggest family therapy to get him in the door. If he is a danger to himself or other, you could have him committed for treatment. Every county has their own process. Good Luck, but take care of yourself and your children’s safety and well-being first.

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Ummm it’s not the OCD.
He needs a psychiatrist to get a diagnosis.

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I’m so sorry & I know this is not what you want to hear, but if he doesn’t get help you need to leave.

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Sounds like something other than OCD

This is definitely not OCD sounds more like something is going on with his mental health. He should see a counselor/therapist. It’s only going to get worse as time goes on. He will be ok if he’s treated for it and your family will be also. Good luck

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Maybe go to couples therapy so he doesn’t feel like he’s doing it alone and you can also be there so you know what’s being discussed and have input too. Do a paternity test first then couples therapy and if it’s just not working out you need to leave.

Make the ultimatum. He gets help or your gone. That’s the bottom line. I would have put my foot down over my friend before this other shit started. Had issues with my husband in the beginning of our relationship about my friends. He was just insecure & jealous a tad because I have friends (though it’s just one now) I can’t help that I make friends easily when he doesn’t. We worked through it cause he is my bestest friend. Soooo you already resent him and life is too short to be unhappy.

Sounds like my ex who was a paranoid schizophrenic. Def not ocd. If its affecting you this bad just imagine how it is or can be on the kids. Id separate for a wknd to let him know his bs has to change or take steps to try to change or your gone. You can’t keep suffering like this, this isn’t “living”. Protect yourself and those babies.

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It is NOT OCD causing this. He needs to see a psychiatrist.

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This isn’t ocd, this is abuse. He absolutely needs help.

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You know what you have to do.

Ocd is a cleaning disorder not a controlling one … just saying

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OCD - obsessive cleaning disorder… Google it

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This is called being delusional. He seriously needs a mental health evaluation.

Ocd is a disorder, sounds like what he’s doing is paranoid behavior, thats a mental illness and unfortunately you can’t help him, he needs medication

Thats not OCD. If I were you I would get his mom involved before speaking to him, but I would tell him he gets help or you’re gone. I say get his mom involved so if he doesn’t get help he has someone to watch him when you leave.

That’s not just OCD. It’s something much more serious and you are taking a lot of abuse because he won’t get help.It will get worse. He needs a professional, if he won’t go please get help for yourself.

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It is that easy. Life will get harder if you don’t do something!

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He needs to see a psychiatrist. That sounds like paranoid schizophrenia

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I would leave what he’s starts getting dangerous what if he tries to hurt your baby cause he doesn’t this she is his it could go all kinds of way. Sounds like he’s getting worse.

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Have you asked him if he’s visually seeing things to give him these ideas? Or if “someone” is telling him these things are happening? Because then I’d lean towards schizophrenia. Otherwise it sounds more like trauma build up or narcissistic personality. Either way, I’m not hearing OCD in this description at all. In the long run, you can’t change someone. It’s not possible. They have to want to change, to want to get help. And because of that you have two choices- hope he gets help or leave.

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This is a mental health issue. You are going to have to insist that he sees someone, he doesn’t know he needs help. He doesn’t realize his behavior is the issue. I do not think it’s OCD, he sounds a lot like my brother, who is paranoid schizophrenia. Please try to get him to understand he needs help.
I don’t want to say you need to leave him but remember that you and your children need to be safe. If he refuses to get help, you may have to take the kids and leave.

I have paranoia and schizoaffective disorder (shizo mixed with bipolar) and I had very very very similar delusions until I was properly medicated.
He needs antipsychotics

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See a therapist though based on his behavior he will make it out that you are in deed cheating on him. If you are at a point where you hate him because honestly your life sounds miserable and no other person would stand it, why stay? You said you have your mom- go with her or his mom- I think they would all understand. This does not sound like a safe environment- especially for your youngest. This is not normal behavior. If he refuses to get help then that is his problem. Do not put yourself and your children to suffer.

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That’s not OCD that is narcissism you need to run. He’s gaslighting you and abusing you. Take your kids and leave.

Sweet poster. He needs help, he needs to talk to someone. His behavior is erratic and not descriptive of ocd much. It sounds more psychosis and paranoid. He needs meds. Honestly If any escalation in behavior or harm at all to you have him committed. It sounds like it’s getting to that point. You will need evidence of self harm or harm to you or someone else or the inability to care for himself in the last 30 days but the paranoia sounds like he is soon to become unhinged.

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This sounds like something much different than OCD. Possibly borderline schizophrenia or full blown schizophrenia but of course I am not at liberty to make any diagnosis as I’m not qualified and not in 5ge psychology field but hands down he needs to seek professional help. This is very unhealthy behavior and to go along with it just does more damage. If he is having compulsive thoughts he cant control I know cognitive behavioral therapy helped me.

His behavior is abusive regardless of his mental health issues. I’d say especially because of his mental health issues he should want to get help to not put you and your kids through it. He’s choosing to not get help and therefor continuing the cycle of abuse he himself suffered through as a child. If he continues to refuse help the best you can do for your kids and yourself is to leave.

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It’s not easy, but if someone you love and care for gets to the point where they have isolated you from everyone, controlling where you work, literally zero people to support you but your mom…its going to get worse. I was there with my ex husband and I was so young, but so glad I saw the light. Even if he has issues, its not your fault and you deserve to be happy and so do your kids.