How can I stop fighting with my husband over our step son?

An 11year old who is wetting the bed needs first a medical examination and then psychological counseling. Marital counseling for you and your husband could be quite helpful as this is a difficult family situation.

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And had a daughter that had a bed wether until he was 1 or so. Does he go we be for bed. One of my grand sons sad
Said he did but didnā€™t and he wet on the couch or where ever he was my daughter was mad at him and I came and staid there while she was in college for a while and made him go pew every night before bed and then he had no accidents but he never wanted to stay over might with his buddy cause I
Of it. But when I made sure jhevwrntbee before bed was the trick and I told his mom he wasnā€™t doing that and she made sure he went before bed it was better some timrsmake r
The father responsible that he is his father so he isntbarrset of you cause you are the se
She mom may he

Talk to his doctor about bed wetting, donā€™t give him water right before bed and prompt him to go before itā€™s time for bed. Get him a laundry basket in his room and talk to him about putting in it there. And have some more compassion and patients with him itā€™s all children need. Talk to your husband about how you can improve things not tell him his son has bad behavior :sob: of course heā€™s going to get defensive heā€™s sticking up for the little man he loves. And lastly meet his bio mom! Could be the best thing youā€™ve ever done! I love my stepdaughters mom weā€™ve became friends and itā€™s easier to work things out! Work together for the children!

I had a daughter that wet the bed at night but I never snaked herewith or shamed her I UT plastic on the bed and sheets on to of it she final got over it she was a kid that speed very hard I got her up to go and we in the middle of the night

at his age and bed wetting on top of his behavior shows signs of abuse. he is lashing out and thatā€™s what children do if theyā€™re being abused. I hope you find better communication and help. praying for you and the little boy and his father.

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The kid needs love :heart: lots of love! it may not seem like it but it really is a cry for help

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Try to talk to him tell him you love him show him love it will be hard but just be there for him

Donā€™t marry someone with kids if you donā€™t wanna love those kids like your own. Pretty simple, that boy comes before you everytime with his Dad(like it should be) and you need to see a therapist and maybe offer some help for the boy too.

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Bed wetting at this stage is a sign of trauma, as is the aggression and lashing out. Please get him into therapy

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Wow. Iā€™ve been through almost the exact same thing. I dated a guy who was extremely abusive and his son was just as disrespectful. I couldnā€™t take it anymore so I kicked him out and never looked back. My life has been peaceful and I met my husband two years later whom Iā€™ve been with for ten years.
I wish it was that simple for you. Unfortunately, youā€™re married. Good luck mama.

Has he been diagnosed with anything?

Man i feel ya. Im a step mom to a very rude 10 yr old boy. And i have 3 kids all grown and out of the house and 7 grandkids. Im not digging this doing the young kid thing again. I told him from day 1 that i wasnt down for it but here we r stull together. The kid likes me but he is still so damn rude. O and he is a bed wetter to so i totally feel ya

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Wow 11 and he is doing that , Doc visit

Odd y havenā€™t u met the mum

An 11 year old who still wets the bed? Thereā€™s something not right going on

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Cut off fluids 2 hours before bedtime. That worked on my stepson.

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Have your husband deal with his messes and behaviors. If everything you do is wrong and you have tried your best then simply just let your husband know that you wash your hands of his son and now he is fully your husbands responsibility and good luck. Then go do whatever you want to do and just ignore his sons messes and inform your husband. Not sure if the house is in his name or your name. You dont want to come in between your husband and his son but at the same time you dont have to put up with his total disrespect or his sons.

therapy to get to the bottom of things. sometimes kids are just harder than others. this sounds like what u have going on. if not therapy with them therapy for u for support

Sounds like you need to have a serious talk with your husband about things and get that young man into a doctor for the bed wetting and into a counselor.

Husband be gone. Let him do the cleaning. Son needs help.

When kids that age bed wet Iā€™ve heard itā€™s a sign of abuse is anything or has anything happened at BMs?heā€™s acting out trying to process some trauma heā€™s been thru or seen

Wetting the bed at 11 is not normalā€¦ tell ur husband u think he needs to see a therapist or be evaluatedā€¦ he could have behavorial issues, depression or anything wrong with himā€¦ plus 11 is a weird age like puberty stuff so the peeing could possibly be part of something else but that should be something his dad talks to hin aboutā€¦idkā€¦i would have him evaluatedā€¦ tell ur husband u dont want to fight that u r actually concerned with his wellbeingā€¦ just be nice to him and let ur husband deal with him if he wants to fight about itā€¦let him do the pee laundry and everything

I think you need to leave that all to his dad. an. let him be the bad person an not you. you relax an let him do it

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How about being more compassionate to the kid. Obviously their is a reason why he is peeing his bed. And theres a reason you havent met his mama. The kid is acting out for a reason. He is probably stealing for food. Not everyone has a happy home life. The kid probably is in survival mode. Be his friend first. Be nice to him. Try to figure his point of view. If he needs counseling get it. But dont compare him to YOUR kids.

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Bed wetting is a medical condition talk to his dr

Sorryā€¦ I have no advice but hope you get this worked out

I mean thatā€™s his child. I get it.

I donā€™t care how old he is at 11 he should know better than to piss anywhere an sorry but Iā€™d refuse to even look after him if your husband is always on his side

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Hes 11. And preteen boys are assholes. Sounds like the kid has been through some trauma if heā€™s bed wetting and the mother is not around. Dad definitely needs to step up but maybe you should treat him as your own instead of your husbandā€™s son. Sounds like he needs some love and affection and discipline. Get to the root of the behavior and correct it. You canā€™t slap a bandaid on trauma and expect issues to not arise.

Heā€™s testing his boundaries with you. THE CHILD DOESNT LIKE YOU. Moms probably talkin shyt bout u to him. Heā€™s got his son on a pedastal. He needs a reality check or youā€™re gonna keep being the doormat. Both have no respect for you. Does he piss at moms house? If not its you.

Stop parenting a child that isnā€™t yours & let his father handle it.
Problem solved.

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Time to make his father start cleaning up after his son. He needs to learn what its like. Then if that dosenā€™t work I would tell him to send his son to live with his mom. Either he goes or I have would.

Everyone jumping on the ā€œbed wettingā€ā€¦ What about lying and Stealing??? That needs to be addressed as well.
With school.starting back up maybe talk to the counselorā€¦ What ever his problems it sounds like he Needs help. Sounds like there are many problems you need help with and wetting the bed is the least of your worries. I would start with the school counselorā€¦ ( let them know he steals and lies). And then move on to private mental health professionals!!! And do it now Before it turns into something way more seriousā€¦ Good luck

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Nacho Method - Google it

Sending lots of hugs momma. :heart:

Lol Iā€™m not agreeing with anyone on this one. Been here. Done this. My exs kids were out of control. His daughter stole $200 out of my purse and he had the nerve to say I shouldnā€™t leave money in my purse :roll_eyes: been here done this. Sadly until he gets into some serious trouble, that the blame cant be passed to anyone else, the dad isnā€™t going to see the bad behavior. Even then he might have some excuses. To me it wasnā€™t worth the daily crap I had to go through. And fyi for anyone who wants to cone at me, his kids were treated better than mine, if itā€™d been my kid stealing even $1 you bet their asses been in trouble. My kids get discipline when they do wrong and I wasnā€™t allowed to even tell his kids to clean up after themselves :roll_eyes: they trashed my house every other weekend, stole all kinds of crap from me and my kids, lied, broke my kids stuff over and over again. My advice is seek help, counseling for the whole family. But the whole not meeting the mom thing is odd. My ex knows if someone is taking care of my kids I want to know who it is. Not that I care who he is dating but thereā€™s way too much shit going on in this world to not know who takes care of your kids. And let me add šŸ’šŸ¼ all his kids been in severe trouble since we broke up, not one bit of it surprising- its not always the stepparent thats wicked. His ex use to rile these kids up and tell them they could do this crap :expressionless:

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You need to speak to a pediatricianā€¦

  1. behavioural issues are usually due to an underlying neurological disorder (ASD/ADHD)

  2. Bed wetting at that age is unusual

  3. You donā€™t sound asif you have much experience on how to manage these behaviours or insight as to whatā€™s going on so I suggest some heavy research into both ADHD & ASD and how these presentā€¦ Especially a PDA profile.

  4. The adults here need to learn the difference between a reason and an excuse

  5. If this isnā€™t a neurological condition then you need to find the route cause of the actionā€¦ because there absolutely is more to this.

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You canā€™t.
I thought it was your son until I began reading.
The fact that itā€™s HIS son and finds any and every excuse or reason for him is annoying but telling.
Youā€™re not gonna change his feelings about his son. Period.

Good luck. Think ab what Iā€™m saying. I know you love your husband.,but this is his child.
He will grow up an unruly b@st@rd if not corrected and doesnā€™t look like his father is correcting much at all. Just redirects the blame. You have options.

There are nighttime pullups to fit even an adult, try these. Also bedwetting is an early indication of MS. Please take him to a good pediatrician.

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I think the whole family could do with some professional help! This poor kid obviously has some real issues that wonā€™t be made any better by the arguments going on about him! Heā€™s a child whoā€™s parents have separated and heā€™s now living with a completely different family! It sounds like he may have been an only child as you havenā€™t mentioned any siblings of his, but heā€™s now in a family with three older step siblings and then thereā€™s your grandkidsā€¦ this boy is probably misbehaving to get attention and his bed wetting is probably due to anxiety and heā€™s probably too embarrassed to bring his wet laundry to youā€¦ this child needs reassurance, understanding and made to feel loved and wanted, not punished and shamed! I think you and your husband would benefit from some parenting classes!!

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Counseling and a behavioral therapist ASAP! Also if your spouse isnā€™t on board with resolving these major issues than maybe itā€™s time to reevaluate your relationship!

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bed wetting is a sign of sexual abuse

Find someone better than him n leave all that bs behind

why isnā€™t his birth mother taking care of him ??? If youā€™re doing such a poor job she shouldnā€™t allow the child to live with you and your family

I feel for you, & your step son. He sounds similar to my brother. I actually donā€™t know if / when he stopped wetting the bed but last I knew when he was 16 he was still every night. Weā€™d also find cockroach legs in his bed. Just the legs! My brother stole, lied etc always! As an adult he has committed so many crimes, even burglary with a weapon, but he was screaming out for help. But itā€™s so hard to help someone who will run off the second they donā€™t like something. My brother disappeared after an argument with mum & he literally hitchhiked to the other side of Australia & cops found him after 3 yrs of being reported as a missing person. Then he hitchhiked back. My brother has been in jail quite a few times & at the moment is in jail for paedophilia & child pornography (the cycle continues -we were both sexually abused our whole childhood). My brother has already served his current sentence, however, they deem him to be too high of a risk to society so who knows if / when he will ever get out.

I guess Iā€™m telling my / my brotherā€™s story in the hope that you can help your step son to not go down any of those paths.

I am definitely not saying your step son has been abused in any way, whether that be sexual, physical or mental abuse, although it is quite possible (especially physical & mental abuse considering the circumstances he was in).

Please give this boy everything you can to help him. Not as in physically give him things, I mean support him in every way possible because he needs to feel wanted & dearly loved. My brother is an example of what you want to avoidā€¦

If he is a bed wetter and pees on everything, chances are there are psychological problems that need to be addressed. I recommend getting him into therapy and maybe having him evaluated. It might be a chemical imbalance and therapy mixed with medication and a little patience might do the trick.

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This child needs serious help. Medical,psychological and child protective services. Sorry,there are some red flags here. Stepmom needs to do some serious thinking.Stepmom needs to figure out how to get this child help,because it may be the end of her marriage. Prayers and hugs :+1:

Is your husband willing to go to therapy and take the child to therapy too?? If not I would consider leaving the marriage.

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Sorry I feel for you it seems the dad doesnā€™t want to deal with the truth and if heā€™s stealing and destroying things I can understand your family maybe not wanting to deal with it I also feel something is going on and the boy needs help lying stealing bed wetting is a lot of red flags that need to be attended to now because it could get worse the older he gets

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Iā€™m not much on telling people to get a divorce and Iā€™m not trying to be rude but youā€™re raising someone elseā€™s kid and heā€™s entirely ungrateful for it. You have an 11-year-old peeing on stuff and acting like a fool when your kids are grown! Itā€™s time for a divorce sweetie. You leave and let this man take care of the little out of control guy that he helped raise and create cuz everything that youā€™re doing appears to be wrong to your husband and the mother. It sounds like he needs to be with his ex instead of you. Itā€™s not worth this much insanity and I can only imagine how your kids are hurting because youā€™re spending all your time with this manā€™s child instead of your own children and grandchildren. Your children should be coming first above any other children.

It sounds like he either has some issues that need to be addressed professionally. He could have something happening in his life that you donā€™t even know about.

Someone said leave your husband and thatā€™s the worse advice. You took vows and that should mean something. Thru thick and thin. Find out what the issue is. Correct it. Hes 11 , 11 year olds dont wet the bed for no reason, along with the attitude tells me physiologically something happening.

his son not yours get back in line where you belong you follow his lead he dont follow yours on his blood. also its yall take care of him not just you its a team effort. sounds to me like you dont belong in a team.