My teenage son “dated” a girl for a little over a year. This situation has been filled with drama, heartache, and manipulation. The girl broke him and his previous girlfriend (who was her “best friend”) up and lied about it. At the time, I was monitoring his phone because I feel that phones and social media can be very dangerous if not used responsibly, and I wanted to help guide and coach him in proper social media etiquette. I had screenshots of the drama and things she did to break him and her previous girlfriend up, and after much debate, I met over dinner with her mom and had a very productive chat that resulted in us being on the same page as parents and having similar rules of the house and boundaries when the kids were at each respective house. Over the past year, I have witnessed this girl manipulate and control my son through throwing fits if he turns his locations off so that she cannot track him if he doesn’t respond to her quickly (at a baseball game with his dad and friends), etc. He and one of his friends gave another girl a ride up to a game, and she threw a fit, saying, I trust you; I just don’t trust the other girl. You’ll he had another friend in the car with him. It isn’t like he was alone with this other girl. My son was unhappy (visibly) for the past three months and broke up with her and said he just couldn’t handle the controlling behavior and drama anymore, and he wanted to be able to have friends and a little freedom. She has been blowing up his phone, begging to reconcile, and she will work on some things. Within a week, she had another boy at her house, without the parent’s home (against “rules”), lied to my son that he had left earlier in the day, but due to posted photos on social media, my son saw the other guys vehicle. Since she keeps begging him back, he called her to ask, and she lied and said she couldn’t talk because her little brother was asleep beside her. A few hours later, my son witnessed the vehicle still at the house and knocked on the door, and she came out and lied to his face that it wasn’t the other guy’s vehicle and begged him to take her back. He has taken a very good friend to dinner a couple of times (not romantic…just friends), and the ex is tracking him through social media locations and asking where he is, what he is doing, and who he is with. She has now started even more manipulation and making him feel guilty because he didn’t take her to dinner like that (he wasn’t legally driving at the time they “dated” due to Covid delays with testing, etc.). He is so torn and still says he cares so much about the ex, and she was his 1st love, and is considering taking her back. I am beside myself as his mom. I want to stay out of it, but it is killing me to watch my son be manipulated, lied to… He asked me to extend her some grace because no one is perfect. I agree…, but he can do so much better. I have tried to talk to him but my husband says I should stay out of it and let him learn on his own, just like we did when we were younger. It breaks my heart to see this. Would appreciate any thoughts/suggestions of what I should do and how I can approach this without pushing him away and into her arms.
And So is the game of Life and Love !!! Let it BE !!
How old is your son?
As a mother/ grandmother, I would definitely be telling him how I feel about the situation!!
With all due respect and being a mother myself. I know this may sound harsh, but please refrain from getting involved. Let your son know you will be there for him when he comes to you and asks for advise or help. Other than that it’s what I would do. Also remember our children will learn to work things out on their own. Just offering my opinion for I’ve been in your situation and all it did was break my heart by getting involved.
I want to know how old too. Seems like a mom to me. Seems odd to be tracking his personal stuff so much. Let the poor kid live. Tell him your truth and then leave him be. If he’s not being bullied or anything crazy maybe give the poor boy some privacy
If your husband does not agree with you, find another adult male close to your son that can help you explain to your son your side. Our son can’t help but ignore their mothers because they thought we are just meddling and controlling them even if we mean well. Try another person to mediate.
Why didn’t you have an issue with your son breaking up with his gf to date her best friend. That’s low and shady
He is already making up his mind. Let him find his way. Interference is almost never productive.
Wow…taking screenshots of his “drama” is NOT monitoring his phone to see that he’s responsible. Just from reading this insanity, I can’t believe you haven’t already pushed your son away.
As a mom I feel you…
Stay out if it! Be there for him to listen to and show support, but stop interfering.
Since the others are too chicken shit to say it I will.
GOOD JOB MOM!
You are doing the right thing, as it sounds like this girl could in fact be abusive, FYI tracking your partner through social and throwing mass fits when location is off is a form of abuse. It’s called CONTROL!
sit down with him momma and talk, just let the communication flow, be the friend he needs right now over all else with a little mom at the hip.
I have two sons and I fear when they start dating, I have many conversations with them about this just like this! Along with consent and so on, it’s important to be there and it’s not being a helicopter mom, it’s called being concerned.
Wish more parents would be concerned about their children like this, maybe JUST maybe we wouldn’t have little thugs shooting people up or robbing stores and breaking public property claiming “boredom”.
Sounds to me like the mother and ex gf both want to control this poor lad and he needs to get away from both of them.
Say what u want to your son. Then let him do what he wants. He’ll figure it out. I’m speaking from experience.
He needs to block her
Mind your business. This is hard part of life is stepping back and letting kids learn in their own
I think your being way too involved. You need a life. He wont learn to navigate thinfs w you doing it for him.
Every mother’s worst nightmare😢 she is definitely trying to control him think the girl needs help, hope ur son see’s through what this girl is doing to him!!!
Honestly single mother of a now 22 year old son let it be…he probably is handling it fine the last thing he needs is mom butting in. Also, ad mother’s you will never think anyone is good enough for your son.
It is your business! Your son is in a toxic relationship. At a young age and it’s forming what he will accept in future adult situations and relationships. It’s your job to teach him what’s healthy and what’s not! And I am
positive her manipulative, controlling behavior was most definitley learned at home. Chatting with her mother will do you no good. She coaches her. Tell your hubby you two didn’t have to deal with social media young. Its a whole new dangerous world. I’d run her off! He’ll thank you later!
Omfg I can’t be bothered to read all this, sounds like he goes after girls just like his mother. You are snooping in his shit, if he wanted your help he’d ask. Leave him alone, he’ll figure it all out and all you can do is be there for him when shit goes down.
I would stay out of it . I definitely wouldn’t be going through my teenage sons phone to snoop on him and his gf . You can say it’s to make sure he isn’t doing anything he shouldn’t online but once you read message to and from his gf that’s crossing a line. Butt out
He needs to learn quickly, that she or ANYONE is NOT worth the drama.
It never hurts giving your opinion and letting him get ur view on things. But at the same time let him make his own decision on who he can and cant date. Every adult went through heartaches and break ups but thats how we learned and helped us figure out what we really needed out of our next relastionship. No matter what he’ll always appreciate ur opinion regardless what age he is.
You can have the conversation with him letting him know that abusive relationships also happen to boys and men. Unfortunately, they aren’t discussed as much as abusive relationships towards women. What the young lady is doing is called emotional abuse. As his parents you have every right to discuss this and guide him on blocking her from his phone and social media. Turning a blind eye and staying out of it isn’t always in the best interest of your teen. Good luck
You need to let him make his own choices and be there for when he needs you. He isn’t going to learn these important life lessons if you keep stepping in. No one wants to see their kid hurting. But he needs these lessons so he can have successful healthy relationships as an adult. Advise him, but his choice should be his own.
Well when you “break up” a relationship of your friend to steal her man, she’ll never trust him ijs. He will get tired so all a mother can do is explain her thoughts in a caring but firm way, and leave him be. Trust me (having sons), he’s paying attention, boys deal with things much differently.
I feel you mama but the best thing is to let them learn the hard way n stay out of it…
They both, if they want to continue the relationship, should have counseling. If not, let them learn on thier own, its part of life, if you dont learn, your doomed to repeat.
Sorry I don’t agree with most who posted. I am very close to my children. They are adults now. But as teenagers, when I Knew something wasn’t right, in their relationships, I spoke up. I “saved” one son from becoming a father; at a very young age. This girl, had made it known, that she intended to get pregnant. So if I were the mom, I would tell/show him the proof of her conniving ways. Explain to him what “emotional” abuse is.
As stated before. We didn’t have the Social media to deal with back in the day. But we can not raise our children, like we were raised. That world doesn’t exist anymore.
My advice, STAY OUT OF IT, let it go! It’s none of your business! Believe me, I’ve lived it! Pray about behind closed doors! That works miracles!
Tell him your story of being manipulated or manipulating. Show him that you can be a nonjudgmental sounding board and leave it at that.
Speak your mind. Be honest. He might hate you for it but it won’t last. Always be honest, even if it hurts.
Stop trying to save him from a real life situation. Advise him of your opinion and give some guidance and step back some. You can’t control him, her or the situation.
It sounds like you love your son and want what is best. We all get it. But my advice is to stay out of it. As painful as that may be. You cannot shield your son from all life’s hardships, and young “love” is more often than not, just one of those hardships. If he is continually protected/shielded/coddled, he won’t ever learn how to navigate through tough times on his own. I know you mean well, but trust me this isn’t the way to do it. The best thing you can do for your son? Be there for him to listen. And only offer advice if he asks. And if he doesn’t choose to act on your advice, that’s ok too, because life will go on. Nobody wants to see their child(ren) get hurt, but you want to model adult behavior. Not sneak through his things and interfere. The more you are there for him as a non-threat, non-judgemental person, the more he will come to you and trust you with personal info. I really do feel for you, and your son, but he will get through this. I have a feeling he will “see the light” on his own before long. Remember, a leopard doesn’t change its spots (the girlfriend). Good luck.
This is why my son isnt allowed to date . When he moves out and gets his own place and graduates high school and has a college education and career he can do whatever he wants. This kind of thing shouldnt be what is on your sons mind. His education should be
Wow I can’t believe all of the harsh comments on here. This is a very abusive relationship he is in.Teen Dating Violence is a very real thing and February happens to be awareness month. You are doing the right thing as a mom and you do need to talk to him, support him and remind him that this behavior is not okay. His self-esteem may be low as I am sure this girl has chipped away at it. Stay involved and continue to be the fierce mama bear you are.
Wow!! My sons would disown me. Wow!! Just wow!!
Make sure he knows how much he is loved by u dad and family and she is like that due to her own insecurities and lack of self love there is no amount of love he can give her to make her change especially at such a young age…let him know u are there no matter what he does.
This is why I told my boys no dating until they’re 40:joy:
As a parent of 30yrs, I have to be HONEST You didn’t have anything to say when you’re son broke up with his GF to date her Bestfriend which is really slimy behavior, So Let him find out that the Grass ISN’T greener on the other side Life has a way of teaching our children lessons that we as Parents cannot shield them from, this just may be HIS Karma Mom.
My son dated same kind of girl and my biggest fear happened, she became pregnant and it’s been years of hell. These type of girls will use the child to control,not only him but you as well. So if I were you I would let him know to never trust a girl’s word about birth control and make sure he has his own.
Let him ride it out mom! The best lessons are taught from life and heartache. All you can do is be his shoulder to lean on and support him in whatever decision he makes! It’s hard but worth it!
Your a momma its our jobs to be over protective of our kids…but poppa is right lol down girl
He is still a minor. You as a parent make sure he is doing okay and is making proper decisions. He isn’t old enough to make his own.
If hes not an adult yet then block everything on his phone from said chicks number and social media explain to him what a narcissist is. And also let him know hes under your roof he has to obey by your rules if he doesnt want to take the phone and vehicle away
Just show him the evidence and back off … ppl like her do not change … he may take her back but he will regret it. He needs to learn for himself
Sit down with your son, the girl AND her mother. Let her know about her daughters “stalkerish” behavior and the fact that she is trying to control his every movement, who his friends are and where is is. This little girl needs therapy before she physically hurts your son. Change his number if you have to, block her from calling, texting or seeing him on social media. You are his mother…it is your job to protect your boy!!
The real victim here is the first girlfriend… What he did in the first place, leaving his first gf for her best friend is wrong in so many different ways ,its horrible what he and the bestfriend did, he got what he deserved!!you can’t build your happiness on some else’s unhappiness!!! Hope this is a lesson to him!!
Stalking and threats…illegal…
File a police report.
He already broke up with her…he said he is not happy with her.
She sounds like she has mental issues .
Do something before this becomes uncontrollable and dangerous or accuses him of something.
Your son needs some counseling to understand what is happening…
Manipulation…not Love. Her thing is about control and self gratification…
Her behavior will escalate
Go to loveisrespect.org. its a domestic violence resource for teens. Print out some of the checklists.
Buy him a dog collar and a leash, tell him to practice wearing before they get back together then shut up and don’t mention it again. See if he is smart enough to figure it out himself!
Too much going on for teenagers.
Sounds like he’s just old enough to have got his license, maybe he needs to hold off on the dating thing because he’s not ready
If you can keep him away from her, you should try. She will ruin his entire life.
He’s needs a big sister like me. She’d never look his way again.
Listen to your husband!
Your son is old enough to make these decisions! I can’t believe how involved you are in his private life! You’re the one pushing him right into her arms! You can’t protect them forever, it’s time for him to at least start being a man! You’re a girls worst nightmare!
Lessons n blessings , I hope he has learned n also hope he opens his eyes n sees things as they really are
Stay out of it. You’ll lose your son if you don’t.
Ew youre one of those people.
Snoopy parents create nothing but sneaky kids let him find his own way in life damn
I seriously can’t believe some of y’all answers! He’s in a VERY UNHEALTHY relationship. And yes while he’s still old enough to make his own decisions this mom is truly concerned for her child as I would be about my sons. Mental abuse is a thing people and it fucks you up more than you think. What if the tables were turned?! Your answers would be different. Abuse is abuse no matter if you’re a female or male!
Like wtf? Why does a 16 yr old girl need my sons location at all times?! For what?! Like no hunny.
I would look into these domestic violence for teens. I was in one and stayed in one for 14 years. And in all honesty I wish my mom had been firmer. At this point it is what it is but I’ll be damned if I let my children go through it!
She may be your daughter in law one day, remember that. If you want your son in your life you need to support him and his decisions. No one tells us it only gets harder when they grow up.
The best thing you can do as a parent is listen & guide. Check in and talk to him about life, not just her. Don’t talk bad about her or he’ll resent you. Kindly guide him to trust his gut, be honest and brave. Then be there for him if she breaks his heart.
Yep listen to these lady’s saying butt out!! You’ll be a grandma next year
I have 5 boys
Its so hard but if you don’t like her and she’s doing wrong tell him if you have Proof show both if you don’t speak he’ll never know belive me there some crazy girls out there his never going to be happy we need to show are boys right from wrong because this world is crazy we need to keep crazy out and show are kids the right way
You can give your opinion and how u feel BUT he has to live and learn and u know being young ya parents say no that means yes talk to him for sure but pray bout it
Things these days get crazy. She could become violent.
How old are these young people? Why you all in children business? Mommy can’t always save him
If you know she is for sure doing these things, it is your job to protect the mental and emotional well being of your son. Forget the parents saying ‘leave him alone, let him learn’. It is one thing to hover and be overprotective, but another to be concerned as to why this young girl is being so manipulative and mean. She is sabotaging relationships with friends and need to have her attitude corrected. I grew up with girls like her who used and abused my friends and even family members. Guys have feelings too and you need to say something to her parents and then her if needed.
My 3 boys are in their early 20’s now. So I understand where you’re coming from. I feel for you, I really do… but you can’t get that involved. The expression “you can’t put an old head on young shoulders” comes to mind. You’ve told him what you think about the situation and what you’ve witnessed… Now leave it alone!!
If you don’t you will push him away for sure. You need to back off.
Make sure he knows he can come to you to discuss anything he needs too calmly and without judgement.
Other than that… just be ready to catch him when he falls. Good luck x
Be is mom. Support him. If he asks for your opinion; give him the benefit/negative of both sides. Don’t meddle. Please don’t meddle.
Monitoring your teens cellphone is for the purpose of preventing Internet stalkers and paedophiles. And off course inappropriate Internet content. Clearly this gf falls withing the category of “stalker”.
If this were my teen then i would educate him as to what is stalker behaviour, emotional and mental abuse and thereafter he would have to decide for himself. Monitoring his cellphone should not be a means to be privy ti his private conversation with his gf- as tempting as that is. Thats not the purpose of monitoring- you are invading his privacy. As a mother, yes we want to protect our kids but this kid is a teen-. As parents we should be there to inform and guide. Its their time to test the relationship waters, to paddle, to swim- you can only throw in a float but you cannot jump in and pull him out! Teens are learning so that they will be better able to handle adult relationships. A parent should offer love, a safe home, a shoulder to cry on IF needed, advice IF wanted and most importantly you should allow your teen to handle situations on thier own. If they don’t and you are always handling them for him- he will be that guy who needs his mom meddling in his relationship even when he is an adult. All you can do here is observe and only advise when he asks you to. Yes you want to spare him the drama n heartache but that in it itself is CONTROL- exactly what his gf is doing. Back off mama. Let him learn through experience so that he can realise what a toxic relationship is as it will be his vaccination to it in adulthood. I look at it as a moms job is not to protect but rather to teach our kids to get up after a fall and get back on that swing. We can tend to that graze. But thats all. Our kids must take from that lesson how to prevent a repeat fall themselves. Freedom with a safety net- not a gilded cage!!!
Take your husbands advice, your boy isn’t going to thank you for interfering, all you can do is be there to pick up the pieces when and if he comes to you.
You cannot control or manage who your son dates. The fact the she can track him is the only thing that concerns me, leave it be my tinfoil hate, but how does she have that access? Basically from a boy mom, just be there for him, instill fear manners towards a female because he is going to do what he wants. Get over trying to control him.
If anything you sound like a very controlling mother!! Leave him alone to deal with girls and checking his phone omg !! If anything you’ll end up pushing him away!!
Also it’s ok to check up on her when they’ve broken up finding out why a car is outside her house? But she can’t check and ask the same when he’s taking his “friend” for dinner🥴
Never read something so silly in my life
I think that you want your son to be a mummy’s boy leave him alone let him go and make his own mistakes and have a bit of fun on the way i think that he’s winding you up your making him out to be stupid LET HIM GO MUMMY.
Could you council moi, Madam Coleman??? 50 words or less please!!
Get informed about borderline personality disorders, narcissism, bipolar disorders etc…because this girl has mental illness and it does not go away. She will make him miserable for the rest of his life if he doesn’t get away from her. She also will be a horrible mother. I say this as an adolescent and adult psych nurse.
Dad is right. I have a brother who has to date every crazy chic he sees. Unfortunately that he what he sees he deserves. If you can afford to get him counseling I would. Kids don’t listen to parents.
You can only guide him. You can suggest what you want. Knowing that good guys deserve good girls. But you can explain he has so much time. If this girl is meant to be with him she will give him space . I wouldn’t want anyone doing this either. But I may also ask my son if he wanted me to mediate .
I would talk to him about what emotional abuse, narcissism, and unhealthy relationships are. Then explain to him what a healthy relationship is. Ultimately, you can’t stop him from getting back together with this girl if that’s what he has his heart set on. The best you can do is give him the tools to make the right decisions and be there for him if he gets hurt again.
Also the minute you ban her from the house that’s when the lying and sneaking happens .
You can give him suggestions of what you think is right but that’s about it. If you forbid him from seeing her, he will find away to see her without you knowing. Just be there to comfort him and pick up the pieces when his heart gets broken. He has to learn on his own mama❤
Father’s right you can’t choose who they love or who their attracted too if he asked you to extend grace then do you don’t have to like her but he does and thats what matters all you can do is be there
I’m 24 And this is just my experience completely but my husbands 19 year old brother lived with us since he was 17 and even before that he was with us pretty much every weekend, we’re very close, all of us. From my experience, your husbands right. I tried so so hard to make my brother in law see what everyone else seen because he had a kind caring heart and he wouldn’t budge or listen to me or anything anyone else tried to tell him. It cause a lot of friction with all of us in the house but eventually him and this girl moved in together, less than a month later he came back to our house and said he just couldn’t do it anymore and he sees now what we seen. I’ve been with his brother (my husband) for 5 years so before he was even allowed to go out. Sometimes it’s easier to let them learn from experience. It sucks seeing what we see and seeing the aftermath but he was only torn up like 2 weeks after they broke up and now he’s doing his own thing and happier than ever. Good luck to y’all!
Tell him that he deserves so much better and will find someone who is so much less drama one day. I have been in a pretty toxic relationship for the last 7 years and I regret letting it get this bad. We were 17 and 18 when we first started dating. If anything just tell him you are on his side and you want him to be happy.
Awe you’re such a great Mom!
My heart aches for your son.
This girl is way too insecure and immature.
Definitely an unhealthy relationship.
I would have another talk with the girl’s Mom.
I would ask her not to mention the meeting but have a talk with her about her daughter’s behavior being toxic towards your son and family!
Tread lightly . Be very careful what you say . I have watched my sons hearts get broken and it kills you as their mom . But , they must truly learn for themselves . If they break up and you say anything , it’s awfully tough when they sometimes get back together. If you believe in prayer , that is my best advice . Pray for your son and never stop !
I second the suggestion of teaching him about emotional abuse, manipulation, etc. Have an open dialog about it. Ask him how he feels about her behavior and what he wishes he could do about it. Offer your help but be prepared to back off if he doesn’t want it.
My mom always told me “I can’t tell you what do. Because if it’s not what makes you happy you will blame me. When you have had enough and are done just know I am always here and you always have a place to come home too.”
So, he does need guidance here. Maybe this can help.
You seem overly involved/invested in your son’s love life. Maybe some counseling for you to see why you’re so scared for him.
Not sure if your son is 13 or 18 or somewhere in between, but you only have so much influence and he will make mistakes and (hopefully) learn from them.
Ask questions of him instead of lecturing. What do you love about your girlfriend? What do you think about ___. Maybe talk to him about what healthy/unhealthy choices you made in life & why, and what you learned from them.
Don’t interfere and hopefully this relationship will run it’s course. But do talk to him about protection, consent, good/bad touch, speaking up if something is wrong etc. as if this girl weren’t in the picture (NO pointed comments).
Books/podcasts/other informative info for both of you on healthy relationships. How to Listen So Kids Will Talk and Talk so Kids Will Listen is one for you, maybe even The Gift of Fear for both of you. Put the book in your son’s room or send him links every week at most and leave it alone. The more it seems like constant nagging the less he’s going to listen & the more he’ll want to rebel. Watch TV shows together and ask what he thinks of the situations depicted. Don’t offer your opinion unless asked (I know, this is VERY hard).
Omg please for your sons sake and the rest of your family DO NOT allow this to continue, put your foot down… gently, remind him of all the drama before it’s too late!!!
I am dreading this day as a mom of three boys
Ohhhh man… that’s how she becomes a bm. I would coach him on not to get her pregnant, they only get worse when a child is involved.
Leave it alone i know hes ur son and it hurts to see it but he has to learn on his own just like ur husband said …dont worry he will see it for himself eventually and the more u push him away from her the closer he will wanna be to her i would say just leave it be and he will realize it
Make sure that he practices safe sex with his OWN condems so that she can’t manipulate them, tell him that its his heart, his choice and that you will be there for him when his heart gets broken.
I would suggest therapy so it’s not you saying it.