Ok been through this myself, on both sides (both your sons side and yours) I had a relationship like this when I was a teen and it was awful. I felt like I was complete crazy for a long time. I finally got away but it wasn’t easy.
My husband went through it as well with his ex. We were best friends before we got married so I was there through the whole thing and after he finally broke up with her about 1yr later we were together. But he wasn’t the same person for a long time.
The best thing you can really do is give him sources to read on the different abuses (emotional, mental, etc), narcissism and all that stuff. Maybe have him read stories other people have told of the same things happening to them. Or maybe even see a councilor so they can help. Ultimately it’s up to him to make his choices and learn from his own mistakes. Just be there for him through it all.
I’d say let him learn and it’s going to hurt when he comes to realize her true colors
But be there when it happens
Honestly I’d suggest he go to councling. Tell him I know your struggling with the decision and a therapist is a great person to bounce your thoughts off of.
Maybe he will Listen to a netural third party.
A therapist can help teach him all the ins and outs of manipulation , looking for red flags, all that.
You are way too involved and that will backfire on you.
It’s like you don’t remember being that age. Cut them some slack. Live your life and chill with being controlling yourself. Dang.
As a mother of all girls, this would not fly with me if they were treated that way. Put your foot down.
Wayyyy too involved.
If it were me, I would say my peace and tell him that it is his decision to make. Everyone goes through heartbreak when they are young. He needs to learn on his own but as a mom, you can say what needs to be said and leave it to him to decide. With her, be cordial if he decides to give her another chance. He will know what the right thing to do is.
My son is 20. He met his ex in basic training. She was amazing. So we thought. She had him so messed up. My husband sat in the room with him one night while on the phone with her. He recorded him and the convo with his consent. After he had scalmed down the next day we sat him down. After over a year it hit him. Oh Shit. This chick is crazy, narcissistic, verbal abuse. It took another few weeks then he ended it. He is now in therapy and working through things for him. She turned him into someone I didnt know. He started drinking, he developed anger issues. You have to but out for now. You will know when enough is enough then have a talk. Right now he is love sick and nothing you say will matter. He will be angry with you. He will tell her what you say and then she will manipulate him against you. Stay out of it for now.
Wow I read four sentences before coming to the conclusion that you seriously need to back off! After reading it all, you are wayyyyy too much into your sons business. I grew up the same way and got out of the house as soon as I was 18 and my life spiraled out of control. Let him figure it out!
Maybe he is afraid… maybe he is used to the relationship… it happens to some people, they are afraid of breaking up because they know what to expect, but are afraid of trying something new like being single or just try to see new people.
As hard as it is, ya gotta let them learn because if you don’t now, it’ll be harder when they hit 18 and can “do what they want” and really won’t want your advice or help because you were to “involved” when they were younger. Take a deep breath, extend the grace, bite your tongue. ONLY when he comes to you, offer advice. Just be there, support him and open your arms when he needs you too. Never say “I told you so.” When he says “mom, you were right.” Just say “honey, I’m so sorry, I was really hoping not to be because I know you really wanted it too work.”
Good luck, mama.
I know it’s hard but remove yourself from the situation.
People are saying back off but if her son was her daughter and it was a male exhibiting this DISTURBING behavior, would y’all still say stay out of it? This girl is tracking and stalking this boy. She doesn’t seem well mentally at all situations like this can turn bad really fast, even deadly. If you don’t know how to handle this situation, maybe you should suggest counseling for your son and maybe they will help him.
Everyone saying you are too involved are only thinking to are going thru his texts and not thinking that he might actually be talking to his mom about these things. And if he is then he values your opinion. My son is 16 and he calls me the second him and his gf have a fight to see if I can understand why she’s being crazy! She might come from a household where that type of behavior goes on and she thinks it’s okay! Have the talk with him about your concerns and let it be. In the end he has to learn and make the decisions for himself. Being that he just got his license I’d say he’s only 16ish and his friends will start ragging on him before long about her.
I’m sure he knows he’s just comfortable. Good luck mama!
Be honest and tell him. He can figure it out from there. Life will teach them what you cant. And tell him you love him!!!
i dont think as a mom shes doing anything wrong… if a parent doesn’t teach their children and guide them to not accept abuse and manipulation, in all, a toxic relationship, how are they supposed to know? thats an error that alot of parents make is to “let their kids figure it out” and all it does is confuse them and then they arent sure of their decisions, getting hurt, or staying in domestic abuse. i personally had to guide one of my kids and in the end put my foot down hard when she couldn’t see what was really going on. today she is happily married and she thanks me for helping her. why should i let my child learn this from someone else when it MY job to guide them thru this world.
Back off
You’re literally calling the kettle black right now in regards to not wanting women to control him…
Kids learn from their own mistakes you getting in the middle, taking screenshots, have some weird relationship “intervention” with her parents is WAY TOO MUCH
You need to learn boundaries asap or you will push your child away
All of you telling the mom to back off 
This way me 3 years in. Not even a month after my daughter was born. He started THE EXACT SAME FREAKIN WAY.
No!! She is doing EVERYTHING she should be doing as a parent. Her son in being abused. Her being a girl does NOT excuse her behavior.
My advice, have him see a therapist who has experience in this area. He is being emotionally abused and it needs to stop. You can’t make it stop, but you can help him down that path. Talking to someone who has experience will people who are abused may help.
He needs to have a break from it. He needs to understand that he will be 100% okay without her. For me, once I actually left, I fell so in love with being alone, free from the control and abuse.
As a mom, I’d block her number from his phone. If she continues, I’d slap a RO on her. She’s already been warned 
OMG I would have died if my Mom did this to me as a teen. This is too much…
I understand wanting the best for your child but this is prying to much and I’m sorry I bet there’s more to the story then what you know I totally respect you for caring about your son and being a good mamma but you got to relax a little
But I’d definitely keep that girl away .
I don’t think you’re too involved. This is the age of social media & parents need to be more aware of what’s going on with their kids. I don’t think it’s anything wrong with telling your son how u feel about the situation. Ultimately, it will be his decision on what to do. Either way…he’s going to learn from it. Eventually, we come to see that our parents know a little bit more than us.
I understand wanting to protect your son, but you are way too involved in this. Let him learn and have the experiences that are a part of growing up.
I would talk to him about control, mental/emotional abuse. Let him know that her behavior is right nor fair to him. She is definitely trying to control and manipulate him. Let him know he doesnt have to accept this behavior and that its not healthy.
Talk to him about it. Tell him you have his back no matter what but tell him what the truth is about her and the situation. Tell him how things could be if he takes her back. Warn him, everything you feel you need to do, all while assuring him that you have his back. And if he takes her back then make sure you do just that
I would talk to him about control and abuse and everything that comes with it. I would also tell him if he wants your help in stopping the behavior towards him, you will help him do what ever needs to be done to get it to stop. He need therapy also. It will help him process everything. But have the initial abuse talk, and then discuss what he would like you to do. If he needs you to help him or leave it be do it. You just have to follow his lead, but it needs to be said anyway.
Oh nahhhh y’all really telling her to back off when someone is practically manipulating and stalking her own son? I’m not saying force him to break up with her but DEFINITELY talk to him and be upfront that you are very concerned! Make sure he understands it is not normal or okay for him to be treated this way! If he was a girl all these comments would be different. Emotional abuse is still abuse and it will only get worse!
Get him a new phone will slow down some of the drama an explain an have all information for him… The more i talked to my son about the 1 he has a child with the closer she drew in him she threw fits if my son was with his sisters when they came up now i dont see my son she wont allow it or my GRANDDAUGHTER was only allowed to see at birth then no more
I don’t get why young girls idolize this look of being an “overprotective” girlfriend who has to track every move and all that… It’s weird
I think you should just talk to him about emotional abuse and letting him know that she can be blocked and just reassure him that in this case, you’re on his side
1st. I think you’re an amazing mother. 2. Talk to him. Explain it just like you did here. 3. He still still love you.
Better than me, I would have fought the ex…
Talk to him about the types of abuse and that abuse doesn’t just happen to women it happens to men aswell. Show examples of the types of abuse and also what gas lighting is. Other then that there’s nothing you can do.
I am mom of 2sons, leave it alone. Don’t get involved or you push him closer to her. Just tell him if he wants to talk you are here.
I’ve been in a similar situation with my son as you are with yours. There was so much drama and lots of arguments, crying etc. My son’s ex and her mom caused so many issues and I tried to make him realize before anything worse could happen but he trusted them and they manipulated him and used him. He’s got such a big heart. It’s been a couple years and there are times he still struggles with some things but for the most part he’s realized what they did and how better off he is without them kind of people in his life. He ended up on probation and in jail because of their lies. I’m not saying he’s not at fault cuz I told him he should’ve known better. Even while he was in jail a few times we’d argue about her. Then finally one day he told me on the phone that I was right and that he was sorry and he wished he would’ve listened to me. It’s hard to stay out of it but it’s also not good to not try. They do have to learn on their own and make their own mistakes etc but we also have to continue to show love and support. Watch how much you step into things because he may push you away or she may try to convince him of things. I also worked with a girl who had to put her son into therapy cuz of the girl he dated her step mom and step sister made his life a living nightmare while he dated this girl. Maybe get him in to see a counselor or a program that he could talk with someone.
This is too much:eyes:
Give your son space to grow up into a young man who manages his own affairs and get yourself a hobby. Please!
at least yours didnt get jumped n shot at🤷♀️be thankful
Advice is to stay out of it.
It truly sucks to have to sit back and let your child deal with a situation that could break his/her heart, but you have to remind yourself you have given him the skills and the ability to deal with situations as he gets older. He can handle himself Mama. He’s not going to leave it alone until he’s finally, permanently had enough. He’s already respectfully asked you to let him make his own decision about her so just let him. We can’t protect our kids from a broken heart like that sadly.
Wow you are like a helicopter mom. My advice is back off. Heartache while never fun is part of the package of growing up. It sounds like your son will get fed up with her drama and move on but if you step in you might end up with her either carrying your grandchild or being your daughter in law.
The more you push the issue, the more hes going to want to be with her. We all thought we was in love as kids. Would it have mattered what your parents said? He’ll learn. Dad’s right.
I think the most important thing you can do right now is make sure they are using protection if they’re sexually active. Sounds like she is not someone you want your son to be connected to for life.
When you say “teenage” is it closer to 13 or closer to 19? Because how a parent handles this situation would/should be very different dependant on age.
If this was a male doing this behavior to a female would the advice be the same?.I would talk with your son about it and even have a conversation with her and her parents because that behavior isnt ok at all from a girl or a boy…
Does he know you still monitor him? If not give him advice based only off what he has told you. Tell him you noticed he’s been very unhappy as of late and you wanted to check in on him and make sure he’s okay. He might spill everything right then if you open the conversation like that. Tell him do what makes him happy and that it doesn’t seem like she makes him happy. You can still care about someone but realize a relationship with that person isn’t healthy
If you can afford it, go away on vacation someplace out of reach, no cells. Taking a week off will clear his head.
Don’t listen to any one on here that is saying stay out of it their advise is wrong and irresponsible because if the role were reversed they would be telling you to get to the police and get a EPO that girl sounds extremely unbalanced to the point that I’d be fearing for my son’s life PSA women can be abusive to
Maybe ask him if he wants u to b the one to tell her in not so many words to f off, might b too much for him and she could get him into trouble, save all texts and anything u can
I went through this. And I wish my mother had stepped in and put her foot down honestly cause it was rough and in high school? That shouldn’t be a worry for us. At all.
Leave it alone. You are only gonna push him closer to her. Im in the same boat and my son is marrying his girlfriend in June. Ive gone months without talking to him because of her and it killed me. Ive come to the point i just have to let him live his life and hopefully he wakes up. You will always be in the wrong and he will always take her side even if she is in the wrong.
I went through a situation like this as a teen and the best thing my mom ever did for me was to sit me down and tell me “no matter what, I am here for you. I will not judge you for who you date, I only want you to be happy. I am here if you ever need to talk about anything and it stays between us.” When I heard that it made me feel comfortable to talk to her about it and eventually get out of the toxic relationship
You Have to talked to him and about abuse and manipulation. Do what you can to save him from that path with this girl.
Spend a day vegging out to Lifetime movies. He’ll see real quick what women are capable of
Teach him about trauma bonds and narcissism…women can be narcissist too. She sounds like it based on the manipulation mentioned. Teach him all you can on this and grey rock method.
All id do is have the safe sex talk and make sure that you arent tied with that toxic girl for life!!
Your husband got a point there…let it be!
Dad’s right. It’s not ur place to be involved, lwt him know you want him to be happy that your there if he ever needs to talk and you just gotta be mum and pick up the pieces afterwards x
I can’t believe how many back off and let him learn I see here. If it were a boy it be a different story for you all. Hmm yeah that’s a no for me. I would of been all over that. I Wouldn’t be allowing it.
From personal experience: keep your opinion out of the conversation,unless he specificallyask your opinion. Stick to facts with out attacking the ex. If you try to push your feeling and opinion on it most likely will push him the opposite direction. Gently remind him how it made him feel when she did/said certain things.
Too many red flags. With her stalking him that could lead to her doing something more drastic. Definitely keep tabs on situation and maybe share the information with her parents.
Change his number. And block her on social media.
He’s going to have to go through it on his own. All you can do is have your arms open when he needs you. My mom tried hard to coach our lives. In a very supportive way. But we all made our own mistakes and then said “you were right mom” and she was there with her arms open to comfort us. Just show him a ton of support. And love! Don’t get to involved or else he will stop confiding in you and then he might get hurt. Girls are conniving! Make sure you just show support. From afar. 
the best thing my mom ever did for us was support everything we did and he there for us to fall on. I don’t know how she did it. But she did. And she showed us that no matter what she trusted our choices. This is because she taught us well. As long as you show him you love him, and trust him, and he knows his worth and has values and morals. He will be okay! Just make sure no matter what you are there with open arms!
Remember, we all went through it. But our parents had NO WAY of tracking anything and EVERYTHING we did AND SAID like we are able to these days. This is a completely different generation where we are all leaning how to live and it’s especially hard for teens and young kids. Just be soft and easy and patient. And show him you trust him. Maybe take it easy on snooping through his phone and conversations too. Give him some space to show him you trust his decisions.
When he asks for your advice. Tell him what YOU would do. But explain that, that’s your feeling on it. He has to make the choice for himself.
I would put him in therapy. Also, he’s not innocent in this situation. He was dating her best friend first😐. Now she doesn’t trust him because of that. She knows he’s capable of cheating too. She didn’t make him leave or cheat on the her friend. He’s equally as guilty. It just all sounds toxic.
He is not an adult so it’s your business. Talk to him as much as you can and let him know he could always talk to you. Hopefully he makes the right decision and you’ll always know you tried your best.
Support him in any of his decisions. We all learn our best lessons by the hardest realities. Maybe a bit of heartache would open his eyes a bit. Just be there for him whatever happens. And stay out of it as much as you can.
Boys think very differently to girls and although we can see she isn’t any good, if you interfere he will blame you that it didn’t work out 
I think the best thing to do is explain that your not happy with how she treats him and that her behaviour is obsessive and you don’t agree with how shes treating him but that you love him and you want him to be happy, so that if he does want to give it another go with her you won’t stop him and you’ll support his choices, that way he might talk to you when it gets to much (if he takes her back) and you won’t get the blame if it goes tits up, its hard to let your children do something that could potentially hurt them but he won’t learn whats appropriate in a relationship without seeing it first hand for himself, I’m sure his pals will be saying stuff to him anyway and he’s more than likely to listen to them, I wish you luck and I hope he sees through her before he gets to invested, he will be older and wiser one day but unfortunately you have to be young and daft first 
let him live and learn-mind own business-this makes him grow up
Poor boy - being manipulated by a girlfriend and spied on by his mother. This is not healthy behaviour!
As and adult looking back the more my mom and dad told me not to do something the more it pushed me to do it and figure it out on my own… but as a parent I would want to step in but at the same time you don’t want them to have resentment toward you for getting in the way. Maybe just give a little bit of advice about it and just support him through it all no matter what
Don’t push it but ask him to see it from an outsiders perspective, what if it was a cousin going thru it? Something like that. Give him advice and remind him of his worth, value and boundaries. Don’t push
You have to step back from it.
Just keep in mind you’re really going to enjoy the crap talking you’ll hear him do about her when they break up for good.
It’s been a year since my son and his first real girlfriend (3 years) broke up. She cheated on him.
I thoroughly enjoyed giving him my genuine feedback when I was certain it was over.
But for now, that’s the partner he’s chosen. He sees her as his other half and will defend her as such, even to you. Jist just keep your ears and arms open and your mouth shut unless it’s to say “I’m happy if you’re happy/ please be safe/ oh geez that’s too bad.”
He won’t learn these life lessons if your buffering the outcome mama. Full stop. Its hard but just let his journey be his own
I went through a similar relationship. At the time, I didn’t want to hear it from my mom or dad. But it’s important that we do! My dad never told me the extent of it until after we had broken up and sure hindsight is 20/20 but I needed that eye opening
Me personally I would tell him to step back and focus on school and making himself happy. I would have her blocked. Mainly because her actions are hurting him and they are so young. Give him a vacation with family away from the situation. Or take a family vacation. Anything to keep him away from the toxic. Maybe even speak with a counselor. Mainly because he is still a child himself. And as a person that sufferers from depression, you don’t want this situation to break him down and make him depressed. Praying for your whole family
Okay so… You may want to take this advice with a grain of salt, because I’m 100% mama bear, 100% of the time, but here goes. Explain the red flags. If you can relate it to a situation you were in and learned from, even better. Tell him he’s young and there are SO MANY girls in the world, and this one just ain’t the one. 🤷
Honestly I think you need to speak with the girls mother again and tell her what’s going on. Also talk to him say I want you to be careful while no one is perfect what’s she’s doing is abusive. I wouldn’t say forbid the relationship but definitely watch closely if they end up back together because sadly relationships like this are the kind that end in suicide sometimes.
As hard as it is going to be you need to stay out of it. My 20 year old has the same type of girlfriend. I didn’t stay out of it and last spring he dropped out of college, moved in with her and is engaged! We haven’t seen him since October. Didn’t get to see him for Christmas because the girlfriend was “sick” and he had to take her to urgent care and then she couldn’t be by herself. I am heartbroken about the whole thing and I just keep praying. Good luck!
She sounds like a young narcissist. I think you should get in touch with her mom again and just explain that the relationship is toxic to both her and your son. That it would be better and healthier for everyone if they stopped responding to each other. If you push too hard, he will run to her. The same with if her mom pushes too hard. Hopefully speaking to the mother can change this. Your son needs a break and to be done with this. She also needs to be done with this also. They are feeding off each others emotions. This can turn bad very quickly. I hope it does not get to that.
If you want to help him, he needs to know you really hear him. You can’t have prepared answers when you are talking to him. You also have to let him know you support his decisions.
I would have conversation with him:
Son, I love you and will support any decision you make. I want to give you an observation I made, and thought about it. You were very unhappy in the three months before you broke up with GF. While she has said she will change I don’t see how she is acting now is different then before, and you don’t seem to be happy. honestly her behavior is a bit stalker from the outside.
You are not responsible for anyone else’s emotions.
If I were in your position of feeling strong emotions I might take time for myself to step back and see how I feel. It might help to stop communication with her for a few weeks, so you can make tour own decisions without pressure.
And then let him talk. If he rejects your idea, say: OK, I am here for you.
TALK TO HIM HONESTLY!!! Tell him some things you’ve been through growing up or friends. I’ve been completely honest with my kids, and we’ve always been able to talk. They may not always like my opinion, but they respect it and I theirs.
Be a support and safe place. If he comes to you wanting advice give it to him (very carefully and nicely) you could also give him resources to look up on toxic relationships. I recently read the verbally abusive relationship by Patricia Evans and my kids will be reading this book too when they start dating.
I’m going through the same thing w my almost 19 year old son and it’s killing me to k0 my mouth shut and let him learn on his own that he can do so much better and it’s a train wreck just waiting to happen. Shes his 2nd love and now he has her pregnant and I just want to bawl bc I see daily whats going on and it’s not good and he has low self esteem to begin with. What do u do as a parent other than give him advice and pray…which my husband and I do daily. I’m so lost.
Teenagers are contrary, the best way to allow him to see sense for himself is to take a step back and let him him to figure it out. You can let him know you don’t personally think they’re good for each other, but pushing too hard or badmouthing her openly might backfire and make him feel even more like he needs to rescue her from being “misunderstood” since she’s so good at playing the victim. Almost nobody marries their high school girlfriend, and it sounds like he’s already on his way to being done with her for good all by himself. What he needs is unconditional love, and a shoulder when and if things end for good.
I think you’re WAY too enmeshed in this situation. You shouldn’t know all these details. If he’s old enough to date he’s old enough to make this decision himself. Let him know you don’t think their relationship is healthy, calmly and rationally let him know why, then stay out of it.
I don’t know the right answer. However, I feel if this was a male doing this to one of our daughters (tracking her movements, anger when locations are off, manipulating, gaslighting) the advice given would be very different.
I can understand wanting to help him because that is straight up toxic and ridiculous plus you don’t want him thinking all of us are like this. On the other hand I can see your husbands side of it as well. Dad maybe should say something because coming from mom it probably sounds naggy and bossy. Dad can say hey you know not all the lady’s are like that and you should distance yourself see how you feel in a couple weeks without her causing you this much gruff then dad should say let’s go get pizza or burgers and drop it the easiest talk might be the one that resonates and helps your son in the long run. Good luck
It is good to let them learn, but sometimes you have to step in. Sometimes toxic relationships can become phydically and emotionally dangerous. Be careful and considerate to his feelings, but let him know in a loving way that you have given her a chance, but its time to move on because it’s obviously affecting a lot of people not just him. Finding some resources to help him understand whats going on would be good. Outside point of views like said in other comments. You need to let him know how important he is and how important boundaries are. If she truly wants to work on things then she would be open to seeing a therapist. Otherwise it needs to end. You may have to get him a new phone number and change other things. Just help him to understand that no girl is worth destroying yourself for, if she truly cared about him she wouldn’t treat him this way and she would get helpm
That little girl sounds dangerous. I would be afraid she may get desperate and hurt herself, and blame him. Keep monitoring, and start talking to him about the different types of abuse.
Sometimes you gotta just let them learn from their mistakes. He needs to set boundaries with her and he needs to learn how to do that on his own. We all go through crazy relationships and they make us better for our future ones. Just trust him and his ability to one day see her crazy for what it is… crazy.
Regardless of what positives there may be, the relationship sounds unhealthy and it doesn’t seem as if either is mature enough to be in a relationship. Both would be better off without the other but the most you can do is advise your son if the possible reprocussions.
This is tough…because you don’t want to push him into her arms. As a mom of both boys and girls, it’s scarier these days to watch your son date than your daughters. Girls are straight up crazy. Jealous and all of that. I’m not saying all of them but, a lot.
Anyway, the problem is if you completely stay out of it, he may stay with her and end up marrying her or having kids with her or both. So, the best thing you can do is have serious talks with him about what is and isn’t healthy in real relationships. For kids and adults.
To him, this relationship is as real and as deep as yours is…he’s as old as he’s ever been. So this is real for him. Talk in general terms about what he should expect and what is expected of him in a loving relationship. If he brings up his relationship you can ask things like “is this what happens in your relationship?” And be honest and open with him.
Hopefully he will see her craziness. Or maybe (since she seems to have a responsible parent as well) she will mature in time and things will get better…she’s young too. Doesn’t excuse her behavior but maybe she’ll grow up. Hoping for the best for all !
Most teenage girls are that way, I was that basically that way when I was a teenager too. People learn from their mistakes, people have to go through these things to learn. Of course you’re worried, but just offering kind advice to him is all you can do
My mom would have pretty much stayed out of mine and my brothers life’s growing up and as adults still does!! But if as a parent she recognised a bad egg! By god did she put a stop to that situation!! And as an adult looking back, I am as I’m sure one brother in particular is very grateful for that!! Parents do tend to see stuff in people before blind sighted adolescents and young adults do!! I would have a very open hearted, conversation, listening on both sides, and too let each other think on said conversation for couple days!! Put shoes on other feet with each other and maybe he will heed your advice!!
Sounds like they’re a bit too young to be thinking about dating anyone. They should finish school, get jobs & be worried about becoming productive members of society before ya’ll become grandparents!!
Advice isn’t always taken in kind from a parent. I have 2 sons 21, and 18. 1 listens, the other does the opposite. Talk with him about healthy relationships and what he should expect from a partner. This girl is messing with him and other boys and using your sons feelings to do it. Talk about SAFE SEX!! Make sure he has condoms and he ALWAYS uses them. And tell him to NEVER use 1 that she has given him because girls still poke holes in condoms to get pregnant. Make sure he knows your thier for him when he needs you. Otherwise he will get tired of it again and come to his senses. Hormones are horrible to deal with and having her makes him feel like an adult-ish!
Speaking as a once very naive 16 year old girl that was in an abusive relationship (now pushing 35), I WISH my mom had stepped in to help me back then. And I’m sure she would have…if I had been brave enough to tell her what was going on. I was way too young to know how to deal with that situation on my own and it got scary as a result. Over a decade later, I finally told my mom the story and ya know what? She COULD have helped if I had told her I needed it. She could have gone to the police with me to get a restraining order. She could have supported me through pressing charges. She could have made my school aware of the situation and protected me. Yea, kids need to learn and grow in relationships, but they also need to learn when they need help! Special situations need to be recognized so parents can step in as allies when necessary before it gets dangerous. I would just make sure your son knows you are there to help in whatever way you can.
I disagree with most on here. Tell him that if roles were reversed, restraining orders would be given.
Show him all sorts of abuser websites that show this is not healthy behavior.
Show him how her gaslighting is affecting him.
In short, treat him with all the respect and warnings and chances as the rest of the board would give their daughters, when the boyfriend is abusive.
Follow your gut on this one mom. Just saying she could really be playing the mind games and he is far from the first victim. You can do it with class and style. Setting situations that are monitored ect when she is around. Trouble is knocking when we ignore the feelers. I as a mom would rather say something with care than find my kid trapped in an impossible situation by another actions.
We had a similar issue with my brother. His friends and family said she’s no good for you she cheated on him so many times the more we brought it up the more he went the other way … unfortunately sometimes you can point all the behavior out but unless he realizes it himself it won’t do any good … and he will … maybe not as soon as you hope but he will she will do something that will be the end … it’s hard to sit and wait but sometimes it’s the best thing to do and you’re right he is young and there are so many others