How can I teach my son that it isn't okay to kiss his daycare friends?

My two-year-old goes to daycare and has gone to daycare since he was 12 weeks old. I am very affectionate, hugs and kisses. He has learned how to be affectionate, giving lots of hugs and kisses when he feels loved and cared for or wants to show someone else he loves or cares for them. He has a limited vocabulary. I have learned that he has been kissing other kids at daycare. The daycare has stated that they have begun putting him in timeout. Showing affection and other feelings are a part of his development, and I feel that the discipline that they are giving him tells him it’s wrong to show his feelings. Does anybody have any advice on how to positively reinforce the behavior of just kissing family and not friends? And maybe how to have a conversation with the daycare to not discipline my child for showing his feelings? Maybe a plan we can work together on to get on the same page?

243 Likes

Wow. That’s crazy. Idk if I’d discipline a kid for being loving. At least he’s kissing and hugging and not biting and hitting. :roll_eyes: he doesn’t even know better especially since he sees his mama do it.
I have no answer, but I wouldn’t like that. You can redirect but time out for being sweet isn’t okay.

27 Likes

I get where they are coming from with covid and all that. Putting him in time out is not ok in my book he dosent understand that he shouldn’t do that to his friends. I would talk to the day care and explain that you are very affectionate and he’s does what he sees. You and them need to try to explain it that it’s ok at home with mommy but he can’t kiss his friends. That what I would do if it were me my kids don’t go to daycare so I’ve never been in your shoes. Good luck momma you got this its going to take time and patience but he will get it.

8 Likes

I would find another daycare bc that’s ridiculous. Isolation isn’t okay.

31 Likes

Wow, I’d be pissed. I get it because of germs but he is showing positive personality traits, why would you want to change that?? Talk to your son. He’s young and it’ll take a lot but explain that we don’t kiss our friends, and maybe find another way to show affection, such as high fives that may be more acceptable. Still can’t believe the nerve of those caretakers. SMH.

10 Likes

One of the most important things for a child to learn is bodily ownership And consent. Do not touch hug or kiss anyone without consent. Germs as well, We stoped kissing the kids on the mouth when they started school. even the doctor says forehead or top of the head kisses only, For health.
I don’t know about punishment but they should absolutely remind and redirect.

18 Likes

I taught my son to ask people if he can hug or kiss them. He’s 3 now and is starting to get it.

3 Likes

What kind of day care is he going to, they sound bloody nuts, poor kid is just being loving I would be pissed off & saying something to them, tell them your not happy about it, I would take him out of there aswell, he isn’t even doing anything wrong at all, that’s just crazy! wow 🤦

4 Likes

You’re gonna think I’m mean but… I had to show my son what cold sores look like. He was trying to put lips on a couple of girls at school. We talked about how inappropriate it was and that we don’t kiss people. It worked! :tipping_hand_woman:

6 Likes

Timeout for kissing? Get him outta there.

20 Likes

I have no advice I’m sorry but my daughter is the same way! Her preschool luckily didn’t have an issue and laughed it off! I’m sure they told her no kissing and no hugging unless they wanted a hug. She has outgrown that somewhat but is still like that at home. My daughter is also very loving and outwardly affectionate showing and I love to see that, I feel time outs are harsh for showing affection, a simple redirection is appropriate

5 Likes

I would absolutely find another daycare if you’re able too. That’s ridiculous.

9 Likes

Yea i wouldnt be okay with a daycare giving a 2 year old time out over being affectionate with another child. They wouldnt like me after that :woman_shrugging:t3:
Just start with consent. Asking him for a hug & kiss. Tell him its what he has to do with those kids.

11 Likes

He should not be in time out , re-directed yes, he is 2 he is not going to understand about the germ factor. That being said is his affectionate actions causing any kind of harm or distress to the other children ? ( Is someone accidentally getting pushed or knocked over in an exuberant hug ).Sometimes a child wants to show their friends they care by hugging or kissing but another child may not want that. We always tell our kids to use their words to let their friend know what they like or don’t like that they can say no or stop or walk away.

6 Likes

Maybe for friends you should teach him high fives or stuff animal too hug and kiss as he wants

2 Likes

Tell him that being a floozie is the life of the party

3 Likes

He should not be disciplined for being affectionate. They should have the sense to try and redirect him. Work with him at home about asking for permission to give hugs or kisses. Find a new daycare.

15 Likes

I do not like time out…need to figure something else out

How would you feel if he was being kissed by random kids? It’s a fair question to consider… and even if you’re okay with it, can you understand why others might not be?

9 Likes

To me teaching him to respect other people’s boundaries is more important than to teach him showing affection is part of his development, as you stated.

8 Likes

Maybe try to get him to blow kisses to all of his friends instead of actually kissing them

10 Likes

Teach him fist bumps and high fives for friends and teachers. Just redirect the positivities :relieved:

22 Likes

Honestly daycare teachers should know through their training how to redirect kids this age and that discipline is not how to go about this. I hope they do better once you are able to talk with them. I agree with the teaching him to high five friends instead. I’m sure they could get on board with that.

9 Likes

Teach him fist bump your friends and save the kisses and hugs for mommy when I get you at school… But for the time out thats a bit much…They need to learn how to talk to children and explain why we dont kiss others hugs are cool…high five ok or fist bump…Look Im a preschool teacher and thats how we teach our kids or we just call the parent and let them talk with there child…not time out that dont do anything. Redirect and have that teachable moment…

2 Likes

They should be redirecting him not punishing him. That’s crazy. “don’t kiss your friends. You only kiss mommy and daddy”. “Kisses are for at home”. Not timeout. That’s just ridiculous.

1 Like

This is why men have such a hard time showing affection. Children understand more than we give them credit for so taking time to explain and continuously reinforced that you know kissing is only for family or whatever but disciplining somebody for showing showing affection is insane to me

2 Likes

And so it begins…the world slowly strips you of your innocence

1 Like

Id pull him out of that daycare. The daycare my 2 year old son attends teaches them that being affectionate is a good thing to an extent

1 Like

Wow a 2 yr old is being punished for something that he doesn’t even know is wrong. I would find a new daycare asap because these are babies not robots.

10 Likes

I wouldn’t want my baby in that daycare :pleading_face::pleading_face::pleading_face:

4 Likes

My 21 month old blows kisses to others

2 Likes

Time out is not the right approach at all. Its time to teach him about others boundaries

2 Likes

I work at a daycare we have separated kids for kissing! We don’t who is sick 100% of the time and parents get can get upset. We tell then ‘no kissing friends’ and have then do something different like different like a different center.

2 Likes

I agree :100: about the time out thing I believe it’s telling him that it’s not ok to show emotions an that’s so wrong I’d definitely let to he day care know how u feel about this an figure out a different way to handle this… Maybe tell him high fives are how friends say I love you or I Care about u…

Does your child go to a legitimate daycare that is registered? Because if he did, then the teachers there would be qualified on child development etc. They should know how to redirect him. Timeout is an easy solution for a lazy person. You should have a meeting with them. Together you come up with how to redirect him. Personally I would take him out of that school because a two year old cannot be given timeout for something that he believes is okay to do. They clearly have no time to nurture kids

7 Likes

Oh no! I teach 2s and we don’t punish affection. Hugs are awesome, if your friend wants one too. I encourage them to “save sugar for home!” and we do high 5s. His teacher is wrong here. My kids walk around holding hands sometimes. They love one another. And me. I have kids who try to be overly affectionate with me, even. A gentle correction and redirect is all you need.

11 Likes

Maybe they are disciplined for not following the rules. If they tell him or any child keep your hands to ourselves then they are expected to listen. Maybe they are more specific and tell him no kiss or hugs and he just isn’t listening, but he is also 2 so I hardly would expect him to listen. They should be doing redirect at this age. If its not a good fit find another care center.

Putting him in time out for that is horrible. I just hate when people don’t understand children and work with them. These daycare need to train their people better. ( Not saying his teachers are bad people.)He isn’t doing anything wrong he is trying to show people that he loves them and cares for them and they are punishing him for caring about his friends. He needs to be taught how to show his affections for friends in the correct way. Have them teach him to give high five instead. When he is trying to hug and kiss they need to acknowledge what he is doing and tell him it’s great that he loves his friends but hugs and kisses are for family and we give friends high fives. And they’ll need to encourage him every single time and even incorporate it into their class having everyone give high fives.

2 Likes

Punishment for being a loving little boy? This is his form of communication. I can understand how it’s not the safest at daycare and that maybe he should be taught something else for friends but they should be trying to explain why and what else to do. I’d be very upset.

1 Like

Move daycares! That’s not fair on him. They could teach him to hi5 friends instead

2 Likes

:frowning: I just tell my daycare kids we can share hugs but not kisses.
Thats so sad that he’s being put in time out for loving his friends

1 Like

Same thing happened with my son. I gives him kisses everyday and he kissed a girl on the cheek at daycare and the girls mom got very mad. My sons hugs everyone as well. I told my son it’s only for family but he still doesn’t get it. What are we suppose to do not show our children affection? I’m not sure I have the answer but I’m right there with ya…

1 Like

Timeout is wrong for sure. I would go up to the daycare and demand a meeting on the matter and see how they can help differently.
My daughter was bullied in day while supervised so as you see I’m already upset poor baby that is not correct. It means he suppose to suppress his feeling towards other kids.

What a sweetie! That’s not cool of them to put him in time out. I’d be pretty upset. Try teaching him to high five his friends. Tell him Hugs & kisses are only for mommy & daddy & family. Friends get high fives or fist bumps. Also talk to the teachers and tell them this too. Also voice your opinion & let them know you don’t appreciate them putting your baby in time out for being loving. Better to give hugs & kisses then hitting & biting. Good luck momma!

Omg I would not have my.child at that daycare… :tired_face:

6 Likes

Poor little guy! Seems young but maybe it’s time to teach him about boundaries? I am (trying lol) to teach mine about asking before hugging/touching and respecting when kids (or adults) ask not too.

My boy did this, I told him he needs to ask first, and not just do it, and haven’t had a problem since.

That’s ridiculous no need to timeout poor baby. My lg is over affectionate will hug and kiss anyone and school have had to say no , kisses are for home . Maybe ask his nursery to say no, kisses are for home and maybe get them to choose something like a high 5 or thumbs up etc it for nursery . Hope you get sorted but I’d be telling them you dont want him isolated just for being affectionate hes still a baby :cry:

1 Like

He shouldn’t even be in timeout. I’ve worked in a daycare for 10 years and that is something we are not allowed to do at all! We can redirect him to another play area and talk to them but definitely no time out! Unfortunately he’s 2, he doesn’t know and won’t understand. All we can do is keep redirecting him. Sorry you’re going through this. Find a place where the teachers do their job, have the patience and are nurturing :heart:

11 Likes

My little girl is the same way. I’m sorry they’re punishing him like that. They should not be, I’d find a new daycare. Poor lil guy

My sons daycare taught personal space and boundaries, and that everyone has them even kids. It stuck, he also learned to speak late.
It’s stressful, but it’ll be okay

I didn’t finish your statement…
Change schools, cause it shouldn’t be done in a negative manner

3 Likes

I would be switching daycares. Punishment for that is horrible, wrong and sending the wrong message to him. He is only 2 for crying out loud.

6 Likes

No daycare should be putting any child in time out. I would personally find a new daycare.

3 Likes

If they do that to him who knows what else is going on at that daycare, find a new plce

2 Likes

Maybe try teaching him to ask before showing affection. That way the other children can tell him its ok then the teachers can’t be mad when all affected kids are ok with it. Hope this comes off the right way. Because timeout for showing he cares is wrong. So find the loop hole.

7 Likes

Having a little biter n fighter i would much rather her be a hugger n lover lol. I can see punishment for that but not kissing n even her daycare dont always put her in time out. We explain it hurts at home n she goes time out.

But yeah i would talk to them for sure and work with them to redirrect thats what we did with jaws n shes doing do much better.

2 Likes

I would give them a time out if they done that to my child.

4 Likes

Urgh take him out of this daycare find another place for him…

3 Likes

Thats damaging to a child at such a young age to punish him for showing affection…Id be reporting that Nursery and looking for a new one…
He may need gentle guidance like you must ask before kissing people as they may not want you to do that but punishing him is extremely wrong and so damaging to a very young child…

6 Likes

Tell the day care just what you told us. Have them tell him that’s very nice of you we don’t kiss friends just family. It does give the wrong message to him.

1 Like

Wow a time out is totally uncalled for in this situation! Poor little guy!My oldest was like this too! The first time she really went trick or treating she hugged and kissed everyone after she got candy. It literally freaked me out lol but I just tried to get her attention after the hug. Luckily we only went to a few unknown people. But I would have never punished her for it! It was actually a phase for her and after a few months she stopped trying to kiss everyone.
I would consider changing daycares! His punishment breaks my heart for him!

As a daycare teacher myself. That is totally inappropriate. At that age he should not be punished for showing love and affection. Just continue to redirect and remind him that kisses are for mommy’s and daddy’s. That makes me so sad to hear that they are even putting him in time out in a daycare setting. At home is different, when he isn’t in a situation with other children where him being punished could lead to embarrassment and shame. I would look for a daycare with a little more compassion and understanding for your little one. Good luck

16 Likes

Uhm… daycare should NOT be putting a child in time out period.

5 Likes

First and foremost YOU are the PARENT ! Remember that … You have total control. What he is doing is not unusual at all. A lot of kids ( boys & girls ) do the same. Being affectionate and showing love is an amazing attribute to have so your doing something right Momma ! Teach him when and where though. Especially right now with COVID. Explain to him about “germs” ( find a term he’d understand ). You should talk to the daycare and tell them that a “time out” is something you DO NOT agree with ! Remember, YOU are the PARENT !

I do want to add that as he gets older he will need to understand that sometimes others may not want to be hugged or kissed …

13 Likes

As a teacher of one year olds. We often redirect them by telling them kisses are for Mommy and Daddy, but (your friend so and so) would love a hug from you! We would never, put a child in timeout for this besides the fact that we do NOT use time out period. Redirection is the best for children with growing minds!

1 Like

Find a new daycare. I don’t understand disciplining a 2 year old for showing affection. Hitting or biting yes time out. Call Rainbow Angel Daycare. They care for my grandson and there wonderful. He is so happy there!

2 Likes

Get out of there ASAP! Run and don’t look back! I have been in childcare for 30 years. Never should a child be put in time out, especially a two year old, for showing affection. This is a teachable moment. Teach him to ask permission and other ways to show affection that are appropriate for school. I always just say we save kissing for family.

146 Likes

That’s not the way to handle it. I just told mine that’s love for your family. A hug, encouragement and a helping hand is the love you give to your friends. Y’all over complicating it. Children are innocent. Stop making them feel bad for it and also stop trying to use it as a way to teach them adult things like rape and consent. I can see when my friend needs a hug and don’t ask consent to comfort them. Y’all really want a world of people unable to touch or love anyone not even children.

2 Likes

What a great opportunity to start teaching your child about consent. Teach him to ask if the other person wants a hug or kiss before he does it. At this age kids catch on super quick.
Then, tell the daycare to stop encouraging crappy male stereotypes and let them know he is supposed to ask first, can they please reinforce the asking :slightly_smiling_face:

157 Likes

When mine were in day care and i worked at the daycare i always taught my children to give air hugs and air kisses ( blowing kisses and hugging from a distance in the air ) they found it fun and it always worked .

I would be furious if My affectionate child was being put in timeout for showing affection. My Great Granddaughter when she started Head Start wanted to hug all the children and the teachers and was told to ask but never was discouraged to hug, Please teach Him to ask but do not let the punish him for it. :’(

47 Likes

I would be soooo pissed if they put my child in time out for being affectionate! I am an affectionate person and there should be other ways they can redirect your child…

11 Likes

Oh my goodness this breaks my heart! About 23 yrs ago, My son was just a little older than yours and I took him aside , explained his affection was a beautiful thing but not everyone likes it (after he was smothering one of his male friends lol with hugs and trying to kiss him) he was crying because the boy got mad and left freaked out. It was such a sad sight because my little boy was heartbroken and didnt understand why his friend was upset. And, sad because the other boy was freaked out and very uncomfortable, either because he didn’t know affection or has been abused? My son eventually learned boundaries but it takes compassion and guidance, not punishment!
That daycare :flushed::sob::angry:

11 Likes

When I worked in daycare (pre covid) we did hugs and high fives. If we had a little that was a kisser :kiss: we would say “kisses are for mommy daddy etc we can give Johnny a hug or a high five if he wants…Johnny would you like to give Sam a hug or a high five?” Most of the time they are eager to hug :hugs: but some kids do not like that physical touch from their peers and he will have to learn to take no for an answer sometimes too :heart:. Maybe this is why the daycare has started punishing him? Either way I agree that it’s not an appropriate response to his behavior he just needs some redirecting and boundaries. I don’t even think time out is developmentally appropriate for most 2 year olds but definitely not for loving on their friends. I think you should start a convo with the teachers by telling them you don’t feel he should be punished for that but are open to finding another way to resolve this. Maybe you can mention what I said above or maybe they will have an idea for another approach.

24 Likes

It’s such a sad world we live in when kindness and showing affection is punishable. It’s difficult at this age especially with limited vocabularly. Still an infant I would seriously consider finding another Daycare.

8 Likes

Normal that the daycare doesn’t like it. It’s not only about your son’s feelings, it’s about the feelings of the other kids too. My kids wouldn’t accept to be huged or kissed from anyone. Their reaction to that would be much worse than only to be put on timeout. If other people don’t want to be huged and kissed the daycare has to think about that too. Kids should know they shouldn’t hug or kiss other people outside their own family.

4 Likes

Thats v sad. But i think they did that in terms of corona precautions so try to teach him that by saying your friends and teachers sure love you and love to kiss and hug you but we have to take care bec. We might get ill unforunately

Wow the daycare are putting a 2 year old in time out for hugging and kissing his little friends …move him xx

13 Likes

A child should never be put in time out for showing effection towards others he is going to be so confused bless him

12 Likes

These are real issues in today’s world. I like the suggestion of blowing kisses. Real kisses can be saved for family. Eventually, a child can be taught to ask for permission before hugging anyone. These issues can be and should be age appropriate. I cannot imagine any daycare for 2 year olds being able to operate without some level of affection for the child in it’s care.

8 Likes

So a 2 year old gets in trouble for kissing other kids and being sweet but a kid can bite the crap out of other kids and they don’t even try to do anything about it until the parent of the child being bitten starts raising enough hell?

85 Likes

The first time I saw my son kiss another little kid at day care, probably around 2.5, I changed the way we show affection to everyone and taught him kisses are for his people only ( meaning family) and started teaching him to give cheek kisses to everyone else except me and dad for now. With hugs we’re teaching him about getting the okay first and that some kids just don’t like it. Good luck with whatever works for your little!

4 Likes

The teachers should not be disciplining him for showing affection. As a child care professional, you always want to redirect by saying that kisses are special and should only be given to mommies and daddies and siblings. No shaming or guilt or feeling demeaned.

1 Like

Wow, I don’t agree with putting a two year old in time out for this. But agree with Randi Spiker About teaching consent. It’s hard with limited vocabulary but maybe if he sees you Asking is it ok to give you a hug/kiss he well start to pick up on Asking 1st. Good luck Momma!

3 Likes

I told my kids that kissing random people is bad due to the passing of germs…just tell him it not a good idea and to stop that unless it’s close family…even if it’s extended family my kids weren’t (aren’t) allowed to kiss just anyone…as far as the daycare…if u don’t want them to discipline him on it u have to nip it in the bud now…and let them know u are working on it with him and to be patient…there’s only so much they can do…

4 Likes

As an infant/toddler child care teacher let me start with saying time out is NOT the correct action! Also, the consent conversation is a good idea. We teach kissing is ok with mom and dad and family members. Have you read the kissing hand book? Instead of kissing, maybe try air kisses, or kisses on the hand. Just need to find child a different way of expressing his love while at school. As a teacher we would rather have loving, affectionate kids rather than bullies. Good luck

4 Likes

I’m a daycare provider and would never punish a child for showing affection towards another child. If a child gets upset about a child showing them affection I always just explain to the child showing affection that sometimes others just prefer their space and we have to respect that. That it doesn’t mean they don’t appreciate us. Then I explain to the other child that it’s okay to not want the other child to hug or kiss them but that they just need to let them know kindly that they prefer their space at the moment.

I taught 2’s for many years 2 decades. If I was the teacher I would be redirecting him saying something to the effect of kisses are for mommy and daddy. How about giving your friends a high five. Or other appropriate ways to show affection to others. But thats how I would handle it. Tell him who he can kiss

1 Like

Ok if this is the daycare he has been in since 12 weeks do you really think they arent trying other things first before timeout? Seriously? Im sure they are and he may not be responding. Just because your child is very affectionate does not give him the right to kiss the other kids. What about the other kids rights to not have someone invading their space and making then uncomfortable? What should they do when redirection and explaining doesnt work? Your childs rights do not override the other children. And at 2 years old a time out is 2 minutes. Thats hardly cruel and unusal punishment its sitting for 2 minutes.

3 Likes

Timeouts for affection of a two year olds??? Red flag! As a two year old teacher I tell them we don’t kiss our friends-only our family (so they don’t think that kissing is a bad thing) we give hugs or high fives to our friends. Haven’t had a problem with that method ever.

4 Likes

Time for a different daycare imo! They are horrible to do that! I agree with teaching him to ask the other children if he could show them affection. He shouldn’t be punished for caring!

3 Likes

I would suggest a private sitter, especially at that age. I don’t like or trust daycares at all…you hear terrible things coming out of those places…my niece had her leg broken in two places while at daycare when she was around his age and there was 3 different “stories” about what happened… Hire someone you trust and let him be little…don’t let them rob him of his innocence.

1 Like

Ask the daycare workers to help redirect his kissing…instead have them say “we don’t kiss each other in class or daycare, we give high fives” and not to put him in the corner for timeout. It teaches him the wrong thing.

2 Likes

I don’t think time out is appropriate. You can say no kisses and daycare.

2 Likes

My niece is four she loves giving hugs and kisses. When she was two I took her to a indoor play area a little boy who was two as well loved hugging my niece loved kissing as well. They give each other hugs and kisses and giggled. It was the sweetest thing.

1 Like

Daycares aren’t even allowed to put a child in “timeout” we can only redirect them. I’m just saying.

3 Likes

Consent. We will always have more openly demonstrative kids and adults. I know a young little guy who loves everyone and loves to share it. With him it is a matter of ask for permission to hug first, most people will be ok with hugging if they get the chance to choose it. That little ask before you hug someone made all the difference for him even though it took months for him to get used to it.

I tell my kiddos (2&3 yr olds) at work kisses are for mommy and daddy’s and give them other ways to show they love their friends. High fives, pats on the back, hugs. Or even use sign language :love_you_gesture: since there may be limited vocabulary. If they can talk, you can teach them to give their friends a nice complement.

I definitely think the CONSENT thing is the best thing. With things that happen to children even/usually from a family member, he doesn’t need to think that its ALWAYS OKAY to “be kissed/kiss” just because its family. I know he is very young and may not understand yet but its something to keep in mind especially when he gets older.