How can I teach my toddler to stop being mean?

I wouldn’t overreact. I would rehearse something simple to say everytime he does. Catch him in the act, hold either his hands or feet and tell him “No, hands are for helping. Feet are for walking”. Say it calmly. Don’t allow anyone to overreact screaming omg or anything, just find something that works in that moment and do it everytime. A great way to deal with him in this stage is to distract him, don’t spend much time talking about it. Quickly move to talking or playing something else.

I got my ass beat when I was a kid and turned out great, I was a hard headed kid who didn’t listen to anyone. I never had to lay a hand on my son and he turned out great. Each kid is different. Stop shaming mom’s for whooping butt. Sometimes it’s necessary.

Social stories are always great! Could it possibly be a sensory seeking behavior of sorts?

Following. All 3 of my kids have Gang mentality and will tag team beat up another kid for being mean to one of them

My 4 year is the exact same way

My son was like this and later diagnosed with ADHD and high functioning Autism. Might be worth taking notes on what’s being done and what corrections your making and if nothing changes talking to his doc.

Time lol in time he will get better all it’s gonna really take is someone he’s playing with to get hurt and he will eventually see what he did wasn’t good especially when they stop playing with him

Find activities that use big muscle movement- it could be developmental and a need for movement

my son was like this. and it was awful.i feel you. I honestly tried everything… and nothing seemed to work, until I changed his food… turns out, he had over toxicity issues from processed foods, like le snack cheese n biccys, chicken nuggets, the gmfood colour yellow was a big one that we have to avoid…seriously… once we opted to go preservative free, he was a new kid. pleasant, and happy, didn’t lash out anymore. and I was a less stressed mumma.
www.fedup.com.au was where our journey began. feel free to reach out. goodluck

My son did the same thing turns out he’s autistic behavioral therapy and consistency has helped a lot

I have a soon to be 2 yr old. She hits and finds it funny due to her siblings that are way much older than her play fighting. However I cant spank her for it, its what she knows, but I do show her when she is mean intentionally that it hurts and I pretend cry. She then feels bad for me and will kiss and hug me. Shes like this with the dog as well. If u keep showing that hitting hurts and pretend cry or say no, eventually it will get through to them. Take away the toy they are hitting with and say NO THAT HURTS. They will grasp on. But in my house it’s kind of hard due to older siblings but they do get onto her when it does hurt.

When my daughter went through her hitting phase, when she hit me, I would shout “OW!!” After the third or fourth time, she got the hint and stopped.

Ooooo I wouldn’t say “it’s mean”…… especially if he gets excited and kinda is rough. Simply sit him down and say “I love when we get to play and have so much fun, but always be mindful you eat your veggies and are super fast and strong! So like batman(Spider-Man, Thor … etc etc) you have to be careful you don’t hurt the innocent friends and family around! It’s a lot of responsibility to be that amazing and strong and fast! Lemme feel those muscles!! Yeahhh buddy!!”
Then set up a “code word” that if you see him getting hyped you can say the word and he pauses and takes ten deep breathes and “ shakes out the surges” and then he can return playing. Some kids also can feel it coming in so that too needs a code word. And he just may be a super energetic, smart, and fun kid! He may need more high energy burning activities. (I knowwwwww it’s exhausting!) maybe tether ball in the yard or more park play time if you don’t have a yard. Let that kid run and climb it out. If it doesn’t show any signs of getting better you may need to speak to your pediatrician… he may be hyperactive and sometimes the urge to go go go causes some to lash out (my brother… he is grown and doing well and copes well :grin::grin:)… this isn’t suggested for meds, this is suggested because they may have more resources for you, some diet changes may help too! We changed something’s for my brother and it worked pretty well and kept things manageable. :grin::grin: we have him sweet potatoes (sugar isn’t the issue) and red licorice and melatonin at night… no red dye and I forget the other thing we took out. Fed pumpkin seeds… flax seed (I think) mostly out these things in a super smoothly for him. :grin::grin:

Kick him back. I’m old school. My son bit me hard once so I bit him back. Solved the problem once he figured out biting and kicking HURTS. Parents depend on books and 50 million links to tell them how to parent. If you can’t handle a toddler, you shouldn’t have had any kids. Tough love or you’ll pay dearly in the future. His abuse won’t stop bc you’re afraid of him. He’ll know that.

Sounds like sensory seeking, find a therapist who will work with your sons big, sensory behaviours.

Whoop that ass. He’s got to keep one way or another and you can’t expect to be nice so the time and for it to work

Punch him back. Lmao I’m absolutely joking…!!! Hope he calms down.

Teach him karate and teach him to seperate the time appropriately as to when it is acceptable

My Daughter used to bite. Million conversations with zero result. Once, i bit her back, to hurt (a bit). She was shocked then cried and never did it again. A taste of her own medicine was all it took :wink:

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I’m going through the SAME thing with me 2 1/2 year old. So Following!

Maybe ask your pediatrician for a behavior specialist/counselor.

May need behavioral training.

More than likely he doesn’t know how to communicate what he’s feeling or thinking. If you think he’s not intentionally being mean, all you can do is watch him close and redirect the behavior, and remind him to be gentle… Does he talk? Kids lacking in communication skills often have extreme behavior because they can’t figure out another way to communicate. Also as a boy mom… boys are rough and rowdy and don’t realize they’re hurting people. Redirect and positive reinforcement. I tend to save more extreme punishments like spanking for touching the stove after they’ve been told it hot, and running into the road.

1st we tried the keep our hands to ourselves rule no matter what
2nd we tried time out and then
3rd we did it back… they just don’t understand they think because they are small it doesn’t hurt so we had to show that yes, yes it does hurt no matter how “light” the hit is

It’s called being 2.5

Time out. It worked for my son. My sons the same age and hes the sweetest boy but he was a bit violent when he was happy which included biting people or hitting/kicking or jumping on them. Time out taught him not just that it wasnt okay to hurt people, but to understand how they’re feeling too because of what you did.

It’s part of his development. You can say you’re being too rough but at two years old he is not old enough to understand just how strong he is. He has no concept of that. In his mind he is playing. I would suggest getting him into activities like martial arts. If he enjoys kicking and all of that MA would be good for him. He can let out all his energy and kick all he wants

So I’m have a son as well, only 18 months and I have been concerned that he may have a touch of Autism. He seemed to always be fussy and kinda off in his own little world for the most part. Which all of that has gotten much better since he’s getting older. The fussiness in particular had me a bit worried he would be one to act out such as how ur describing. But he’s not had hardly any interaction with other kids his age so it’s hard to tell how he will be in that department. May question to u is, have u had concerns with him as far as if he may be autistic or something like that? What does the doctor say about the issue and is he looking into the matter?

Do it back to him I am sure he will get the point :joy:

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Whoop his ass like back in the days

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Following…My daughter (2) got mad and when shes mad she likes to hit ( to much wrestling lol) and got me right in the eye with her Barbie

Whatever you do please don’t do it back. It doesn’t teach them anything of use and is mentally abusive. We are currently going through this stage and we do gentle parenting. We stop, talk, timeout if necessary, apologize after and go on. It has helped tremendously when my husband’s idea was punishment, yelling etc and it only made it worse.

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There’s a very old theory, and no doubt many of us were subjected to it. It’s called bite theory. Unruly behavior such as this often requires a like response from the person he’s attacking. Whether it’s a bite, a kick or a slap. Particularly if it’s another child. Some children, good or bad to be decided, only learn to control their behavior when they are subjected to the behavior they give. Many people are saying he’s only two he doesn’t understand. That’s the problem. Maybe if he was on the receiving end of such ugly behavior he would understand why it’s important not to do it. I can tell from many of the comments that most of you would be outraged by this. I can also see that many were raised in the same generation. You can talk till you’re blue in the face, but there are some times that a smack on the back side and isolation are valid solutions to the problem at hand.

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Following. We have tried this with my 2.5 year old so far: time out, no attention, had him pick up his toys, no tv, and swatting (before anyone attacks me for spanking my child, just know I don’t care what you have to say, it’s worked a lot better than time out does, we don’t spank him hard ever and it’s always on the diaper and pants. You also didn’t go through the horrible pregnancy or almost killed me birth that I went through. So your opinion on how “I shouldn’t spank my child” can go right back into your mouth. Thanks.) ANYWAYS none of that has worked very well. The spanking works the best. However, I would like to know if there is anything else I can do.

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In before the psychopaths hopefully: do not teach your kid to stop hitting by hitting them back. Their frontal lobe isn’t even developed enough to understand what you’re trying to do. All you’re doing is modeling the behavior you told them they can’t do. So not only are you confusing them but you’re also reinforcing that hitting is okay. And putting fear into your child that you’re going to hurt them if they don’t stop causes literal mental health issues in your child. Stop beating your kids to teach them to not beat others. Makes zero sense. Gentle parenting and reminding them over and over until they learn is the only way. They are 2.5 not 5.5 these things are phases that take time for them to grow out of and learn. They are tiny humans with HUGE emotions.

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Following. My son is very very violent w me. Kicking, biting, scratching, PINCHING, smacking, headbutting, anything he can do to hurt someone he’ll do It. When he’s mad & when he’s happy. I don’t get it

Sounds like a behavior disorder, possibly.
Like adhd, autism, odd, etc.

Being this young it can be very hard to tell, because they’re still exploring emotions and how to express them.

Praise him every time he does something good or nice. Explain to him how his actions hurt others when he is being mean. Toddlers learn fast and they are listening even if you don’t think they are. Maybe teach him another way to show his emotions when he is upset without being violent. His actions now is the only way he knows how to express his anger or feelings of being upset.

Hes 2, acting 2. You cant reason with a 2 yr old. You need to discipline

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Sensory processing disorder. He probably doesn’t know how to deal with his emotions. (Most kids that age don’t, but most kids also don’t act violent when they’re happy)
Look into autism as well. Autistic/aspergers people have a hard time regulating emotions.

My oldest stabbed a box of a lamp I was selling to Swiss cheese. For fun. Or for repetitive calming motion? Or…
my youngest is a biter. Now it’s only when he’s super frustrated but it used to be any emotion would drive him to chomp on whatever or whoever he could reach.
We don’t make a habit of stabbing or biting in my home. Kids are just weird and sometimes it looks violent to us. If he’s verbal, try coaching him through his behaviors when they happen and try to model what you’d prefer and try to notice the triggers for it (yes even the positive ones) to help you navigate the change you want to see

Lady’s… I don’t know what to tell you… My grandson is 6 and still does it. It’s not put of anger… He is just rough ! It doesn’t help the his mommy ( my son’s the daddy) doesn’t discipline him or make him mind. You know when u go into a store and there is a child acting up and u just want to smake the bejesus out of the momma for letting them act like that ??? Yeah I’ve got that kid :confused:

Spank his behind a couple of times

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Sounds like autism maybe. Get a diagnosis

Bartonella causes all this and heavy metal toxin overload. Research both and TRS by Coseva.

He doesn’t understand

I am talking with someone about this right now :relaxed:
My daughter has been pinching and biting lately :disappointed_relieved:

This is the information she gave me to work on
:heart:

Hope it helps :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

Put him in the corner everytime.

Kick him back, bite him back, hit him back…(not superhard of course) betcha he stops real quick :woman_shrugging:

ignore ignore ignore!

My toddler daughter does this too! And is mean to our kitten :pensive:

Gary A. Monroe III read comments

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He’s just soldier type

My toddler is the same way! I feel like we have tried everything…

They have amazing children’s books to help kids understand what they are feeling & how to handle that feeling. We have many & they have helped both my kids! Good luck mama

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Maybe take him to a doctor my son did the same thing and we found out he had some problems that im not gonna get into but I believe smacking a child that is hitting isnt gonna help him its just gonna make it worst

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How can I teach my toddler to stop being mean? - Mamas Uncut

Aw sweetie , you’ve a son your house ain’t gonna be peaceful again :laughing: their like mini tornados :sparkling_heart: show him an alternative when his excited ’ excited dance ’ etc ?, Make sure to let him keep expressing himself - it’s also his communication

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If it’s not intentionally aggressive and just pure excitement like you say then when it happens act hurt if he’s actually hit you, calm him down and explain that they aren’t happy actions, we clap when we’re excited and happy, we jump up and down ect, keep showing him these examples also, you can’t just expect him to understand why his movements are bad and hurtful he needs to be shown repeatedly until it clicks in his own mind that takes a while for some but it all depends on how persistent you are too :v:t2::two_hearts:

Keep talking and showing him the right behaviour as best as you can. Give lots of love too.

My daughter has big emotions for her age and was mean too. She hit and threw things for almost a year and I was so concerned I even had her in play therapy one. It took MONTHS of the SAME redirection over and over. We didn’t have play dates for a few months either. Once she started to talk though she quit! Her play therapist said it’s because they have such strong emotions and she was frustrated that she couldn’t voice them to me or the other kids. Be consistent even when it feels like it isn’t working & hang in there. Talking full on sentences helps then a bunch :sparkling_heart:

Well i say give him a good whipping it never hurt me. I just learned respect.

Play therapy works great for kids. Use hand puppets to show him his behavior and how it affects people around him. And then show him the correct way of behaving

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My daughter acts out when she’s frustrated. We have used redirection, discussing feelings and time out and it has been very successful. We try to use words instead of hands. It’s a emotional time learning and if they don’t have a outlet they act out. Good luck momma.

I had a biter. The only way we could get him to stop was to bite him to see that it hurts really bad. They most of the time do not know how it hurts. Tough love is called for sometimes.

have you talk to his pedi. Dr about this behavior ?? If he gets excited & then starts hitting & kicking people, that’s not normal,

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My almost 2 year old is the same way. She seems to do it when she feels like she’s not getting enough attention or if she feels like too much attention is on her. It’s cute sometimes but then sometimes it’s not and I just tell her in a very stern voice NO and she pouts and doesn’t do it again after that. I’m just thinking it will pass? Like a phase maybe

I don’t think he is being aggressive on purpose or learned it anywhere. Toddlers are little people with huge emotions and they are navigating how to properly express them. My daughter still has these moments at almost 3. we explain that it hurts, or is mean. we explain being gentle. “I know you’re excited but you need to be gentle” etc. “I know you’re happy but that hurts mommy/sister etc”. mine gets sad and then will completely change the subject if we do any more than talk to her calmly.

Over react every time.
Yell loudly in “pain” loud enough to startle him.
Have everyone else give you or whoever has been hit all the attention for a couple minutes and ignore your kid entirely during that time- also after you’ve got the attention for a minute or two give him a timeout or extra chore.
1)loud noise to startle
2)withdraw of attention
3) chore or timeout.
I’d be surprised if he continued after a week.

Omg my 3 year old is exactly the same but towards his 2 year old brother. Could just be a phase :blush:

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Gentle parenting is the best way to go.
It teaches them respect, not fear.
It teaches them to embrace their emotions but not to live in the fog.

Keep doing what you’re doing, offering that gentle but firm “no, we do not hit.” And offer a time out without any physical contact until they are calmed enough to listen to a gentle but firm explanation of what and why it is not nice, even if you don’t mean it to be mean.
Explain that you understand they have big big emotions for such a tiny body, and with time they will learn.
Then give back that physical contact MAKING SURE they feel loved and understood. Hugs and I love yous.

They will learn to be better people for it.

He did not learn it. It is development that all kids go through this since they don’t know how to express their feelings. Redirect and teach him if he is happy to clap, sad thumbs down. There are hand signals you can teach your 2 year old :heart:

Super normal! He doesn’t have any impulse control until age 3-4 and hasn’t learned empathy yet. Best thing to do is help him understand what he’s feeling, remind him that hitting people isn’t appropriate, and give him a safe way to express those feelings.

“Wow! You are feeling so full of energy! You can’t hit mom, can you hit this wooden spoon on this pot?”

“I see you’re feeling a little frustrated. You can’t kick dad, let’s go outside and kick the ball as hard as we can!”

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Do you teach him what to do INSTEAD? You say hitting and kicking is expression of happiness or excitement. So why not show him an alternative. Indicate disapproval for what he does, “Do not hit! That hurts,” then show him what he should do instead, “Touch softly”. If he does it express delight and get everyone in the room to cheer for his positive behavior. Be consistent and be firm. Act immediately.

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does he speak sometimes when a child cannot communicate that’s there way of communication

My son is 3 now but behaves similar. He has improved and will continue to as he gets older. I started putting him in time out in his bed and telling him things like " we do not hit. Hitting is a no no. If you hit, you get time out. " Then I leave him for a few minutes and come back and have him apologize.

It has worked well.

He has a older sibling he got into the habit of being straight violent towards. I tried to redirect his attention but it still didn’t teach him that hitting was very wrong. He continued to think he could treat his brother that way. When we addressed the behavior specifically and immediately with a negative consequence, he changed quickly.

My son did the same thing when he was excited. His doctor recommended occupational therapy and it was determine that he had hyposensitivity. Hyposensitive kids are under-sensitive, which makes them want to seek out more sensory stimulation. When my little guy would get excited he would sensory seek by hitting. We still struggle with this from time to time however we learned techniques to help combat it. Occupational therapy was a great help I highly recommend it.

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Redirect him momma. With my 3 at that age did same thing. My youngest would get excited and scream and hit r kick I kept redirecting him. What I would do is get excited with him and dance and clap and say I’m so excited took about a month and he started doing same thing. Now he’s 7 and he’s a mean little boy but he doesn’t hit are kick people

My son is the same way! Hes gonna be 3 in october. He just loves to play rough! I’m pretty sure these boys will grow out of it just be patient with him!

Everytime my son does this I grab his hands I squeeze softly to get his attention and gently and super calmly, I say “take a deep breath,” and then “that’s not nice we need to be gentle” and then I softly rub his face so he understands what type of behavior is good. He immediately will recoil and stop being unkind.
My 3 year old is the only kiddo in our home that has this behavior but this seems to work really well.

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Not saying it is or isn’t, but you might have him checked for ADHD once he becomes school age (typically 5-6 yrs old). My 6 yr old stepson was the same way before we found out about him being ADHD and it’s been over a year now and we’re still trying to figure a way into his head to see how to get things to go through. I also have an almost 2 yr old who is the exact same way. Kicking, hitting, biting, etc. but we’re not really sure if it’s ADHD or if it’s just because he has an anger issue due to who his parents are.

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So… trust me… it works…

CONSISTENCY!!! Saying no, getting up everytime to stop the behavior … and some sort of consequence … even if you have to get up 100 times in 10 mins… do it every single time… firm stern and consequences for bad behavior…

This is my 3 year old all the way. But I think he is being bullied by another kid at daycare. And it is carrying over into the home. I just cannot prove it. I have mentioned things and tell them what Mason tells me, it stops for about a month then all of a sudden comes back.

Meet his eyes when you explain to him. Imply through your conduct that it’s not acceptable or kind. He is only two and a half, so don’t worry, they all go through this phase, it’s normal.

Just teach him how to express his happy feelings in a good way clapping dancing anything like that sometimes we forget they are just tiny humans learning how to handle what they are feeling

Talk to your pediatrician. He may have sensory processing disorder. Occupational Therapy will do wonderful things for him. Look up ECI in your area.

You all make me want to throw up. Can’t you see what has happened to our youth since spankings have been criminalized? I was spanked, my kids were spanked, and my grandkids were spanked. We have all grown to be productive and happy citizens. Two teachers, a coach, a school councilor, and a veterinarian grew up with spankings and all the love you could get.