How can I tell my partner how I really feel about our relationship?

Love changes and we remember our first love. For you and your kids Really work on your present marriage. Love changes, it may not be the same flame but I get embers burn when you work on them

If he’s an addict and he’s struggling with alcohol then he’s not clean. You need to work on yourself in therapy. Let him work on himself and be the best him and coparent he can be. Same with you. You can love him better as his coparent. You can teach your kids better being apart. And please break up with your current partner it’s not fair to them to put them in this situation.

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Wow you are a foolish person, your hung up on a total drop kick that can’t manage to care for himself do you really think he’s going to be capable of caring for others, a drunk is no better than a junkie if anything they are worse because alcohol is so accessible. And the fact that you can’t see that fact your life had an upgrade when you “MARRIED” the new guy who wasn’t a junkie or drunk just makes you seem like a horrible person.

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you are never going to be happy with the person you are with now, you said it yourself so get out, find your happiness and let him find his, don’t waste to much more time, we are not promised tomorrow

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Be honest with him
Tell him you are still in love with your ex
But if your ex is happy in his relationship

You may in fact be in for heartbreak
Also you could be ripping apart another family

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You seem like have the perfect recipe in your mind and heart about to be not happy in the long run… In the long run, you got to make sacrifices, you got to do the hard yards… You can’t be quick to jump from one boat to another when shit hits the fan or that you see the grass is greener on the other side. Patience and perseverance are missing in your life…
So you broke up with your baby daddy, and moved on… Now stick to that make it work, love can grow at times, and at times, it doesn’t even have to be about love, life is not a lovey dovey thing anyway. Make it stable for your kids, you make a decision and stick to that decision, be a man … oh wait…

Well be honest and straight forward, but also don’t be that woman that would take him to the cleaners if you know what I mean.

Girl. That man is an addict a struggle with alcohol is a struggle with alcohol no matter how rosy you paint the picture don’t go back to the man because you’ll only enable his behavior.

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First of all, I’m sorry that people are so cruel and judgemental. Most of these people wouldn’t speak to people in real life the way the speak to people on the internet, and don’t really think about the impact that their words may have.

Second, you didn’t make it clear as to whether or not you want to pursue a relationship with your ex or if your only intention was to figure out how to break things off with your husband so that you’re not stringing him along. Either way, I suggest that you maybe go to counseling yourself, but at the very least, give yourself some time to REALLY think about how it is you feel, and what you want.

If you still feel the same after doing so, sit your husband down and be honest. Basically say the same things that you said here. Including that you’re still in love with your ex may not be entirely necessary, and may also cause your husband to hyper focus on that being the reason you don’t want to be with him anymore, but whether or not you include that is up to you. However, I would be sure to include the part about you guys just not being compatible, that he’s a great man, and that while you love him very much, you’re just not IN LOVE with him and you don’t want to waste his time and you want to let him go so that he can find someone who will live him the way that he deserves to be loved.

But I must also mention, alot of the time an alcohol addiction is much worse and harder to deal with than a drug addiction. Even if it’s not too much of a problem right now, if he doesn’t completely stop drinking right now, it will absolutely eventually become a problem. Probably sooner than later. Regardless of that tho, he’s in a relationship… So I really don’t think that you should pursue a relationship with him. Now or anytime in the near future. It sounds to me as if you and him both have alot of work to do on yourselves and your own lives before either of you will be able to be a good partner, to each other or anyone else. Also, just because you don’t love your husband the way you loved him, doesn’t mean that you won’t ever love anyone else that way. Just in the future, don’t settle for a live that’s anything less. Hope this helps. Good luck girl :heart:

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He has to get help for alcohol too. Wait for the next shipment of men to come in and meanwhile work on yourself.

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You need counseling by yourself. Some of us… myself included… don’t want to be alone so we grab the first thing we see. End it while you can still be friends before you both become strangers or resent each other. Talk to him. He might be ok more than you think

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Talk to him and do not love that other guy. He drinks and kind of has a problem.

Truth hurts sometimes, but better to break a heart than both remain unhappy honesty is always number one and sometimes you just have to rip off the band-aid if you understand the reference :smirk:

You are comparing your love for your husband to a relationship that failed. You don’t know you would still be together if he wasn’t an addict. You may have ended up feeling the way you do towards your husband now. But that’s not really the issue. You are chasing a feeling you had with someone when you knew less about life and the world. When you are young and in love it’s easy because you don’t have the years of experience and your pre frontal cortex isn’t fully developed so your logical brain doesn’t step in and make you think about all of the reasons why something won’t work. I’m sorry, but you won’t find that feeling again now that you are older and wiser. Your logical brain will kick in and talk you out of it.

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Leave ur ex alone, he’s moving on.
Get a divorced.

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You are the a hole … do your husband a favour and end it so you can try and go back to your baby dad and ruin his relationship aswell :man_facepalming:

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Here’s one, have you spoken to your ex? Does he want to stay with his current partner? Does he want to be with you?
You could screw up 4 lives, think this out & maybe g to counseling to help sort out your feelings before doing something rash!!

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You have years of individual therapy to get through before youre going to be anything like an appropriate candidate for an interpersonal relationship.

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This is very selfish of u in all honesty. Ur ex moved on and is with someone! Dont start shit in his life when he has already seemed to be struggling over the years. If u love him u will let him go! As for ur husband now Id say be honest and be single. U not being able to let go is going to cause major issues for u, ur kids and the 2 men! Just stop. Get ahold of urself and date new ppl if thats the case. Not someone who is already with someone! :rage:

A lot of people are quick to say divorce. That’s not always the right thing to do, even if it seems like the easiest solution.

Find a good counselor. Hearing you claim you and your husband were both “rebounds” is simply an excuse. You don’t just settle and marry anyone, there had to be feelings at some point, and very real ones at that. You owe it to yourself and your current partner to try to save your marriage and find your way back to love, if you can.

We don’t always “feel” like we are in love. It’s a choice that’s made every single day. In times of marriage trouble, it’s easier to compare the current partner to those of the past and you can paint those relationships with rose colored glasses, even though you made the choice to leave. Time numbs a lot of the hurt feelings of why you left your ex.

Remember your current husband now, would be your ex, and should you get into a new relationship, you’d be looking back at your ex now (when you have trouble in the next relationship), and wishing you’d have worked it out with him instead. Comparison is VERY common when we hit hard times with those we love.

See if you can save your marriage, if this man doesn’t beat you, and is faithful and seems to care for you. Give it some time, and seek counseling either as a couple or individually. You do owe it to each other since you both entered the marriage together to give it the good fight to at least try to do everything you can to save it. I’d hate to see you wind up with a trail of broken relationships, thinking that the last one was always the best.

Something is missing in your current relationship, but it doesn’t seem like either of you have cheated or gone too far down a path that couldn’t be worked through with love and effort.

Refocus and give your partner and your marriage one last look. Once it’s done it’s done, and I’d hate to see you both have real regrets for missing out on something that might be worth fixing.

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Greener grass and all that

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You can still love someone and not be with them. If he is still struggling with alcohol I wouldn’t want to risk putting the kids through that. If he’s struggling, who’s to say how far he is from addiction as he already has a past with drugs. If he spirals, drugs may be next. Sometimes with addicts it’s a yo-yo.

Also, I would get counseling for yourself because you need to start within. If you’re staying with someone for pure convenience, that’s not being true to yourself and not fair to him.

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Okay quick question if your baby daddy wasn’t in the picture, could you be in love with your husband? If that answer is yes then you have to make the decision on what you need to do. Also does the baby still want to be with you? And could he walk away from his marriage? Good luck

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Let him read this post.

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I wouldn’t get counseling. It won’t do anything. I’d leave the guy, be independent, and see what I want after being alone a while. If the ex still has problems of excess anything, he may always be addicted to something. If he said “no” to you, would you still want out of the current sitch? If the answer is no, stay. If it’s yes, talk to the ex after and see his thoughts. He may very well feel the same, may not care, or he may feel about you as you do your current. I will say leaving when I felt like you about my marriage/person I married was one of the best decisions I made. My life got so much better. I became more independent and could really dig into what I want if I have a partner.

Sounds like a possible faze one goes through when bored.
I’d try to Give it more time and to distract yourself to see where your feelings lead, then decide if the effort is worth the pain it will bring to others.

That ex isn’t a good choice either maam. You are making an excuse for his alcohol issue as not a “problem problem”. He is an addict. He will always be an addict. He knows how to recover and thrive. He moved on. You moved on. Just because you settled doesn’t mean this past man who abandoned you and the kid wants another go at a relationship. Let it go. Trust me. You already see him struggling with another substance and alcohol abuse and dependency is easier to hide than hard dr*gs. He isn’t whole yet. You need to focus on your current issues with your partner and not let some past flame give you an “excuse” to leave. Leave for you. Make it on your own. I’d seek therapy to see why you just “settled” for some rebound dude.

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You are in love with the idea of how things were with your ex. You never gave your current husband a chance because you are holding onto something that is king gone. I think you need to think long and hard before you end something that you haven’t really put your whole heart into.

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It sounds like maybe you need some alone time to figure out what you really want. You should start with telling him you need some time apart. See how you feel when your husband is gone…. Don’t see either of them for a while. See if feelings change. The grass is not always greener on the other side and you’ll have to see what kind of alcohol problem is not a “problem problem.” Alcoholism is the only drug you can die from simply having withdrawals. It is not pretty to deal with. Definitely not something I would want any of my children to experience. Even if it’s just seeing someone like that. You really should consider taking it very slow with your child’s father if that is what you decide. In my opinion alcoholism is just as bad as being addicted to hard drugs, if not worse because it’s legal and withdrawals can kill you.

Alcohol is a drug so there’s that………

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If he’s having issues with alcohol, it is a problem. First love, rose tinted glasses I think but you’re not being fair to your current husband. You don’t have to be with anyone. Try being on your own for a bit.

You’re inlove with the person you knew many years ago. That person has changed since and things may never be the same again. Simply, your inlove with a memory… is it really wise to act on this?
It’s okay to love what once was but maybe you need counselling on your own to deal with this? or break up and be single… but don’t break up your exs relationship lol that’s not wise :rofl:

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Be an adult and be honest with him and then leave. I’d hate to be strug along in a relationship. Put your big girl pants on, rip off the bandaid, just do it since he won’t. You both know you’re not happy together with eachother.

You and your hubby have been to Counceling and he has no clue as to how you feel? So, we’re not being honest during the Counceling meetings? And, being a mother who lost her son to alcoholism…it’s something you will always and forever worry about. Wonder about. Think about. Be sick about. Sounds like your “baby daddy” just went from one addiction to another. “He does struggle with alcohol” should absolutely be a red flag! You may feel the need to separate from your husband but your long time “baby Daddy” flame is certainly not the answer.

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Straight & Narrow, Clean Cut.Figure out Wt ur gonna Do before u do.Ya think abt that.
Wt in store for u &urs