I am a mom to two babies, 8 and 1 yo. My partner and I have had a rough year, but we are doing okay. He is facing legal trouble; he is an addict but now sober and went to rehab, so he is just trying to get back to work. He doesn’t want anymore children, and I do. We spoke about doing it “right” in the future and planning our last one so we can be excited and enjoy every minute. welp, surprise. I am pregnant. I’m not sad at all. I know I have a few things to figure out, and my youngest is only one; that’s the only thing that makes me nervous. When I told him I wanted to talk to him, the first thing he said is “oh God. you better not be pregnant. we cannot have a baby right now.” so I didn’t even say anything to him. Now I’m kind of upset because I feel like I don’t have a supportive partner at all, and I really wanted to be happy. So now I feel super alone. How would y’all go about telling him? just rip off the band-aid? I feel like if he tries to tell me to terminate the baby, our relationship will be over because that will not be happening.
Where you on birth control? From your post it seems kind of selfish he’s new in recovery he could very well relapse with the news.
Why is he acting like it’s only your fault that you’re pregnant
If abortion isn’t an option for you (I dont support it either) I’d say there really is no other option but to talk to him cause that baby bump will get harder to hide.
You just explained having a rough year . He is a recovering addict and is trying to do the right thing for you and your children . Do you work ? Are you helping financially? I can only imagine the amount of stress he is under . He has to fight to be sober everyday . He told you he didn’t want anymore children . And now you feel alone because you know he won’t be happy? You knew he wouldn’t be happy . Maybe he wanted a better environment to bring another child into he also has legal trouble so he also knows he might be missing part of his children’s life as well … you sound very immature
You need to prepare yourself for the best case scenario and worst case. If he didnt want another baby then he had just as much responsibility to use protection. I personally do not feel it’s fair to expect him to match your excitement. At the same time, he should not put the blame solely on you ( if he does) or get angry with you. Its not an ideal situation to bring a baby into so just give him time to wrap his head around. Just be honest (and patient) with him and take it one day at a time. Either way you got this momma and congratulations! <3
You just say ‘im pregnant either deal with it or leave’ but realistically you should have been safer it can lead him backwards from his sobriety if he’s unhappy. Hopefully that doesn’t happen but do not take care of him if he falls back you take care of your kids and yourself those are the priorities
Lord I hope he doesn’t relapse again. Does sounds like a lot to handle right now. Just come out and say it I guess💁
It’s on gods timing Maybe this is exactly what he needs. Congratulations!
There is no easy way! My husband didn’t want anymore and is also a recovering/recovered addict. Just get it over and done with and tell him. I call my husbands counselor and told her and she made herself available for him all that day. He was pissed but it takes 2. I was on birth control and he used condoms. I ovulated during my period and became pregnant. I’m not sad either!!
Kinda sounds like you did it on purpose but you BOTH should have been careful so this didn’t happen during such a difficult time in your relationship better just sit down & have a heart to heart with him
Well you should have been honest, 90% says he’s a goner
Get it over with and tell him. Be prepared to be a single mother because it sounds like he is not ready for another child.
coming from an addict in recovery married to an addict in recover (a lot shorter clean time than me amd we too are expecting) u have to tell him! part of recovery is dealing with life on life’s terms and if you where having sex (protected or not there is always at least the 1% chance) this is a life on lifes terms moment if there ever was one! are any kids ever really “planned” if he has a sponser (where he is early in recovery I would suggest a trusted person if he doesn’t have 1) have them sit with you and him to kind of let him vent to them instead of u afterward. I have another child with my husband n he had been locked up and I wasn’t sure if he was even going to be alive nevermind there for his birth but you have to be honest for both of u and the kids sake! be honest, upfront and I wish u the best congrats to you and I hope it a works out!
Went through a similar situation With my unborn sons dad. He said he wasn’t ready for another kid but then I found out 2-3 months later I was pregnant. He wasn’t happy when I told him and basically told me to chose him or the baby. I chose the baby it all depends on if you’re willing to walk away if he isn’t gonna support you. It takes 2 to get pregnant.
You’ve had a rough year. He’s dealing with legal troubles. You knew he didn’t want another baby right now. He’s newly sober. This, will def make it harder for him to stay sober most likely. Don’t just rip the band-aid off. Sit him down and talk to him. You both should’ve been taken precautions. Dealing with all that, and expecting a new baby, while fighting to stay clean and sober, that’s a struggle.
Its going to be tough your in a partnership. I know all about addiction and it takes more than a stint in rehab. Im glad your happy about the pregnancy but you might have a tough road ahead think before you act.hope it works out be there for each other hes still trying to stay clean and get a job another mouth to feed is hard but it can be done good luck merry xmas stay safe
Yep rip off the bandaid, tell him he can either step up and deal with it or step out and leave. I suppose regardless, you will have to respect his decision if he has said he isn’t ready. Overcoming addiction is no easy feat and throwing a baby into the mix could overwhelm him. How he chooses to deal with it is up to him
Yeah just tell him. His feelings are valid too.
I ain’t ever had either of my kids fathers be happy at that news just rip off the band aid maybe gently as he sounds fragile and work through it together or alone if you have to. It’s not something you should hide and you’ll need support so I’d front up.
I’m sorry. I was once told by an addict who was clean for years “once an addict, always an addict”. Sad but true. Relapse is always possible. They have to work at staying clean for the rest of their lives. There will never be a “safe time” for lives changes. Every single change is test of their commitment. Unless you plan on leaving him fast you have to tell him. I suggest doing it before he figures it out himself. Does he have a sponsor or counselor? If so maybe let them know ahead so they can help him through it. Otherwise you’re going to have to be prepared for him to relapse (as you will always anyway).
It’s takes two make a baby. Surprise can happen. Hopefully it will work out for the best. It’s okay to be happy and the other one not. You can keep it to yourself for a while if you need to. Talk to his sponsor and go from there. Reach out to recourses that are available to you both. Do what’s best for you. My husband wants another and I’m not ready. So we just don’t do it because I got pregnant on birth control so I know surprises can happen. Plans can change. I’ll be praying for you momma!
look, he made it abundantly clear he doesn’t want this and you are punishing him with your own expectations. just tell him and give him time to decide how he feels about it. but prepare yourself for the possibility he may decide to walk away and not be involved. maybe he’ll do a full 180 but he also may not and if he doesn’t, you’ll need to check yourself when anger surfaces, because you knew how he felt about it.
With my 1st I was scared to tell my then fiancé (now husband). He had 3 kids from a previous relationship that had just moved in with us and he was talking about going back to school & I found out I was pregnant. I kept putting it off & one day I started gagging from being so nauseous. He came home one day & straight out asked if I was pregnant. I was so reluctant to answer. With my 2nd pregnancy it was totally a shocker, & I didn’t hesitate on telling him, I learned after the 1st to just get it out there. He may not be happy about it but he’s going to have to find out sooner or later & you might as well just get it over with. If he asks you to abort tell him you’re done, it may kick some perspective in for him or you can start learning to live your life with out him, but the longer you prolong it the worse it’s going to be.
This is why sponsors say to stay sober for at least the first year before having a relationship, new sobriety Is about figuring out who you are as a sober person. What your triggers are, how to cope with stressful situations and stay sober. Granted it takes two to make a baby, and he should have worn a condom if he absolutely didn’t want a baby; this could trigger him to using. I would suggest having a plan of action before you tell him. Obviously if you’re keeping the baby, that means how you plan to do this with him or without him. (Knowing an addict can step out and use whenever) but you can not blame yourself, or him for his actions knowing he wasn’t ready. You were both irresponsible having unprotected sex, and the way it sounds ( sorry not sorry) is like this is what you want. So tell him, but be prepared for him to relapse, and to be on your own. 🤷 It may sound harsh, but it’s the truth. I wish you the best.
The answer to your dilemna had you both been in agreement or talked about it, should have been birth control or tubes tied on your part or snip snip on his. If none of that happened and you were both being sexual active C’mon what do you think might have or did happen. It’s kinda both your faults. If neither one of didn’t take precautions. No communication or no sex. No sex is the definite best method of not getting pregnant or the back door. Doing adult things means being adult to be responsible and lay your cards on the table. Sorry to be blunt, but it is what it is. Always be upfront and honest. Hope everything works out.
When two people not on the same page about babies & a surprise pop up anyway I don’t think it blows over well in conversation. Trust will start getting hit too hard.
Well I mean he knows what prevents that so it’s his fault too. If you were on bc and stopped taking it knowing how he felt then it’s on you can you financially afford this baby? Will he be able to stay clean? All things to consider. Wishing you the best
I think you need to tell him. If you were trying to get pregnant, you weren’t being supportive of him.
I would wait till the kids are in bed one night, and then yes just tell him. The most important part is that you need to allow him to process the news. He may not react the way you want right off the bat… let him go. Give him a day or two, he will come around. I would say after about a day or so remind him that you know this wasn’t planned but a baby is never a bad thing, but that you need his support. Don’t hound him, just remind him. He will get there.
Your whole post screams “Selfish”
Be an adult and tell him.
Make sure to give him the space that he needs if asked, and make sure his counselor/sponsor is readily available.
If he didn’t want kids at the moment … then maybe he should have used protection
I realize this post is anonymous for a reason but I have been in a VERY VERY simialr situation if Mamas uncut could let this woman know she is free to reach out to me (i posted a comment already) I am MORE than willing to help n talk to her ANONYMOUSLY
So he didn’t know you guys were having unprotected sex? If he knew you you weren’t fixed he should have asked how you were.
He told you from the beginning he did not want to have anymore children. So why are you pushing this on him ?
A recovering addict should not have this kind of stress level put on him. Too much stress may bring him back to be an addict again. Rehab tells them one day at a time and very little stress. I
Know it takes two but he made it clear he did not want kids at this time. You should have taken birth control. Your pushing your guy too far. Very disgusting and selfish
Rip off the band aid and if he chooses to accept and deal with it🤷 kudos, life sucks and is hard and unexpected ALL the time.
If he accepts it and uses it as an excuse to “go get high” same. Those are his choices and you cannot hate or love him more for either he makes because that is who he is. I wish you well
I don’t know if protection of any kind was used (if not he shouldn’t be surprised at all he is equally responsible). Regardless you know where he stands, it’s possible he will ask you to terminate. I understand him not wanting one right now, it’s not a good time. Being newly sober even dealing with a relationship is difficult, nevermind a relationship, 2 kids, a pregnant partner, no job, and court and possible prison time. It’s possible he even relapses. So what’s best for you. It may work out with your partner, and it may not. You just have to keep on moving forward for you and all of your children.
Ur asking for his support knowing he didn’t want anymore children. That’s not fair at all…
Well you did say yall had discussed it and were waiting. He is also in recovery…not cured or recovered. This can put a huge strain on him and possibly relapse. Did you not take precautions? Or just not care?
I don’t get why people are telling you you’re selfish because you won’t terminate the pregnancy because you KNEW he didn’t want anymore kids. Like ummm, hello?! Maybe he should have wrapped it or taken extra extra precautions… something similar happened to me. He took in my daughter, then purposely got me pregnant with my first son. Then about 6 months later, surprise, I was pregnant again & he told me he couldn’t afford this baby & everything else. I’m sorry, but I can’t terminate a pregnancy just because the father doesnt/ isn’t gonna be around…? They should’ve thought about that 100% before having sex? Some of us females don’t believe in abortion for ourselves, myself included.
So piece of advice, do what YOU want to do. Do not terminate a pregnancy unless YOU want to. Who knows, maybe he’ll eventually come around. Maybe he’ll change his mind
Or maybe you’ll just be stuck raising kids on your own. Either way, do what YOU want to do. If he truly doesn’t want to be there, have him sign his rights
That is wrong, put him under pressure and he may go back to drugs!
I hate the whole “well it takes 2 to make a baby” and yet only 1 person gets a say in what’s next and the other is just expected to roll with it or be damned. There is waaaaaay too much emphasis on how much the op wants this baby and has wanted a baby for me to believe this is a coincidence. And no, she’s not responsible for his sobriety. But this is her partner and the father to her children. Addiction doesn’t just effect the addict, it effects the whole family. Which means the whole family needs to put in the work. None of these seems like you want to work to foster recovery. Even if his sobriety is ultimately up to him. They have to function as a solid unit in various ways so she sounds just as detrimental on him as he has the potential to be if he doesn’t cope with this well.
I’m confused ever after all that… It takes two so why would you have trouble telling him unless he’s not dad!!! Smh so in other words F#!$ his feelings! You can’t control our coddle that.
First of all, Thank you for not being willing to kill your baby to make someone else happy.
Second, talk to him. Tell him you understand he wasnt ready… but it takes 2 to make a baby. And now theres one on the way.
Give him time to process, helpfully he comes around. If not, be a kick butt single mom of 3. Youve got this
This comment section is crazy. Saying she’s being unfair to him and pushing him??? So did she impregnate herself? No! Someone said she should have used birth control. Well maybe the guy should have used a condom, and maybe had a vasectomy if he knew he didn’t want anymore kids. Why is everyone shaming her??
I’m disappointed in the amount of women on here putting you down! What happened to women supporting women!? They both had sex and he’s just as responsible as she is so how is she the only one in the wrong!? It’s disappointing to see no one really supporting you or giving you the advice you asked for! Forget these negative Nancy’s!
I personally would maybe wait at least until your danger weeks are up. Also try not to worry or stress yourself too much! While you wait the danger weeks out it could give you time to think of a way to tell him appropriately to where hopefully it won’t be too much on either of you.
You are not alone! There are those like myself that will support you and be there for you if you need someone! I’m just a message away!
I can’t fucking believe the amount of people on here that are so clueless about recovering drug addicts.
You are never going to be accountable for his sobriety that’s bullshit. No matter what you do if he uses that’s on him. So I hope you don’t take any of that crap to heart. (I’m a recovering addict).
If you want to be happy about this baby, you may have to be happy on your own. But maybe not. There’s honestly no “right” way to have a baby. It’s probably best to tell him though just so he has some time to process. It took my ex like 3 months to process our 2nd baby. My fiancé and I just had a surprise baby boy he’s on and off sober and was surprised at first but he’s been amazing and I was terrified it would be the opposite. You’ll be all good either way. Wish you all the best.
I have two children that to my ex-husband who was an addict and faced legal troubles. I wanted another kid and he was still being a bonehead with the addiction and I left him. I hate to tell you honey it’s going to be a rough couple years for you
You have to tell him. When I got pregnant with my youngest we both didn’t want anymore. I was going to schedule an appointment to get my tubes tied and found out I was pregnant on my sons first birthday. I told him and he was upset. He said we shouldn’t keep the baby. I wanted to and we talked and he came around to the idea that we were having our 3rd baby. You can’t put it off too long or it could make it worse.
It takes two to tango BUT, he is still a recovering addict who not only has to worry about staying sober every single second of every single day, but also for three children. He told you exactly what he could handle as a recovering addict, you shouldn’t be the one feeling lonely. He needs support and understanding. Not an overload of things on his plate pushing him to relapse. I hope he can find work and stay on track
If he didn’t want kids that bad, then he shouldn’t of had sex. Doesn’t matter how bad he doesn’t want a child, he took that risk. It’s not your fault for getting pregnant. It was both of y’all’s doing. Don’t listen to these people.
I would reach out to his sponsor and a drug councilor and talk about ways you can tell him without triggering him or setting him off. Maybe make an appointment with a therapist and talk about it there? My father was and still is a drug addict constantly in and out of prison (literally in prison as we speak) He didn’t want me or my sisters but my mom kept us anyway her only real mistake was that she stuck around someone who was an addict and someone who didn’t want us, my advice to you Is if he doesn’t want this child and you think he will relapse then take a step back and focus on your children especially with now legal trouble. I went through that my entire childhood with my dad and it was horrible to grow up seeing that.
Just tell him. You BOTH had unprotected sex so I mean…he can’t be that shocked lol.
Unless you skipped bc or something without telling him he can’t be mad etc. He was vocal about not wanting more right now so I would be too harsh when he’s not jumping up and down.
I hope things get better for y’all. Just be open and honest with him. I know a surprise baby is not what everyone plans, but sometimes, they end up being such amazing kids and y’all won’t be able to imagine your lives without him/her. I’d maybe look into getting both of you “fixed” after this one though so it doesn’t happen again.
If he loves u and wants 2 spend the rest of his life with u he would support u 100% planned or not planned
Wow the amount of shaming in here is ridiculous. Way to empower women, everyone . If a woman gets pregnant, it’s automatically her fault?! It’s not his fault too for sticking his penis in her?! Y’all are ridiculous
Right now is understandable, depending on how far along you are, a lot can progress in 6-7 months. Tell him now, give him space and let him figure his shit out. But be prepared if he decides to not be involved. I mean REALLY prepare yourself as much as possible. Best wishes
We all know how babies are made
Good on her choosing a baby before a man! She’s selfish? So it’s all on her? He helped make the baby. If anything she’s amazing, he was an addict and is now sober, most women would have left an addict spending all the money on whatever they are addicted to, not wanting it around their children but she loved and supported this guy through thick and thin until he came out the other side, if all she wants in return is another baby then I think she deserves it. Wait until after Christmas that way it doesn’t ruin the children’s Christmas if he’s a dick about it, but if he loves you and the children he’ll come around and love this one too. If he leaves he wasn’t worth it in the first place x
Why would you want another kid right now anyways, with a recovering addict and the stresses that brings he told you what he could handle. Now the biggest question is if u did this intentionally or not. Thats the deal breaker. If it was an actual “accident” then why feel this way about telling him. If it wasnt an “accident” and you came off birth control without telling him then you are dirt and I hope ur ready to do this alone
Tell him and make sure you tell him he’s got 9 mos to prepare… That might ease the stress
Can you support your family on your own? It should not be his responsibility to support a child he was explicit about not wanting. Children are the biggest stressors in life & men are trained to feel responsible, but sounds like you were 75% responsible for this oops. How will you relieve the burden of caring for this child physically and financially from him as he faces his problems? Set up a budget now for expenses you (yes, you, not him—this is your decision to keep the baby) will need to pay. Figure out where you are going to get the resources to pay for everything.
I’d like a Tesla roadster but I know I can’t afford one and still have enough money to live on, so I drive an inexpensive car, do what I can to save & take actions to ensure I have enough money to live on my own for a long time. How are you preparing to do so? Just because you want something isn’t a good enough reason to go for it. Choices have consequences.
But the deed is done. Now plan on raising your kids by yourself and look at the long term. Don’t count on child support. He clearly can’t manage any. Be sure he has access to his sponsor AND mental health professionals, not just after you break the news, but throughout your pregnancy and birth.
Expect the best but plan for the worst. Rehearse what you want to say, write down any points you want to make, and practice staying calm, focused and practical. Let him know that regardless, you support him in his ongoing quest of being clean, seeking employment, and living a good life. Expand your “village” of people who can help you, though the person in the mirror has ultimate responsibility. Maybe consider open adoption.
I wish the best for you both. Each of you has a lot on your plate.
Not good at all… he has been trying his hardest to get back on his feet and do right by u and the kids… he is under tremendous pressure to stay sober and by the sounds of it … doing great… I think what u did was extremely selfish and stupid. Ur a grown women, u knew what u were doing… u put ur own wants first… and didn’t give him any thought at all… this may push his good work way back… and it was extremely unfair and disrespectful and thoughtless to do what u did. Wrong on every level.
At the same time you could have supported him and taken precautions. Newly sober and stress trying to find a job and you added more stress. That’s not support either
Obviously no measures were taken to prevent . He has to know that there is a possibility. Id tell him direcrly and make no bones about that you will bw keeping it. If he is in rehab he will understand excepting responsibility for his actions. He may not be happy but he will come around
Sounds to me you both didn’t take precautions like you needed and if you did then you both have to deal with it! Doesn’t matter if he’s an addict he could have worn a condom or you getting on birth control. Just sit him down and tell him and if he leaves then so be it. He made the bed so he needs to deal with it. Good luck.
Better off without him
Unpopular opinion…he’s a recovering addict that just went thru rehab and is in “legal trouble” and specifically told you he wasn’t ready for another child. He is not in his best health mentally, emotionally and financially, literally ANY way he could be but you very obviously got pregnant intentionally. You should’ve at the least been supporting him thru his recovery, not using his vulnerability to get pregnant. You need to be “upset” with yourself. Now you’re dragging an innocent baby into this situation for what? Totally ridiculous.
Get a sperm shaped cake and say
Surprise! Your getting a vasectomy!
Give him a moment then quickly say
Ps I’m pregnant
He can’t be mad… you can’t impregnate yourself! But… why you didn’t protect youself from getting pregnant again from an addict is beyond me… Best wishes!
If you personally can’t get an abortion for your own reasons (which I personally couldn’t either) than don’t get one. It’s your body so it’s your choice. If he is a worthy man he’ll be able to put his stress aside and be there for you. If not, you’ll have to deal with it but no matter what you do, you’ll be okay. Just keep tackling everyday. Somehow we always find away.
You knew he did not want another
Welp, suprpise you’re irresponsible.
It sounds like this was something you planned.
I have no advice but to get ready to support his relapse because he’s going to be completely stressed
I feel like a lot of people are being too harsh on the poster. It takes two to make a baby. Now here’s where I agree with the harsh folks. This man is in no shape ready to have another baby. He flat out told you. He’s an addict in recovery, in legal trouble, and struggling to find employment. Not someone I’d be trying to have a baby with. If you really want to keep the baby prepare to do it on your own because you may have to. And if you really love this man line up all the resources to help him stay sober, get though his troubles, and find a job to support your family. This is a terrible time to have a baby…if you don’t see abortion as an option I might look into adoption in order to save the sanity and peace of your current household. Good luck
I mean you were with a addict and you’re surprised he doesn’t have it together enough to want another kid? It sounds like you did it on purpose and now you have to deal with the consequences and will most likely be doing this alone.
You guys should have been more careful. With him fresh from rehab theres a chance of stress causing a relapse. Sounds like financially you weren’t prepared either. Hopefully he stays with you and you guys figure it out. Good luck
Bless. You’re just going to have to tell him. It will be okay. 2 of my sons are 18 months apart. Don’t be nervous about that and we also didn’t have much then. Ya’ll will make it. Just have faith. I wasn’t expecting my daughter and guess what people, I was on birth control. If it ends the relationship due to abortion then it just does. You’ll figure things out day by day. I raised 3 boys on my own before my wonderful husband come along. Then we had our daughter unexpectedly.
did he pull out? did he wear protection?? no and no? then he has no right to get mad at you for what your body is supposed to do when semen enters it. it makes me so MAD when men blame women for “unwanted” pregnancy. dude it’s your dick and semen, we need so it’s your fault. sorry I’m not much help I hate men. but congrats and you’re going to just have to be like hey I know we talked but you must have super sperm cause I’m pregnant.
You BOTH are at fault. The way you word your post makes it seem you took full advantage if his weakness and got what you wanted. Yes he should step up BUT like you said he is stressed,wanted, recovered. Be prepared to do everything ALONE!
I would tell him. Eventually it’ll become obvious. If he knows you at all, he’ll know how you feel about termination. Both of you are aware that having sex comes with consequences and that’s part of being a grown adult. Breathe, know where you stand, and move forward!
Just tell him . Doesn’t sound like it’s the best time but if you’re not considering terminating it then just rip the band aid off and deal with the repercussions. He’ll be there or not .
no she’s not responsible for him and his addiction; she shouldn’t have to fake how she feels and he’s not here to be this fake partner she is seeking. The same thing can go for her, if she knew he didn’t want another baby and that she did, why have sex with him if you know there’s a possibility it may ruin your relationship? To me it’s a two way street, yes he could be more supportive, however she could also be more supportive and get off her ass and get a job to support the baby SHE wanted in the first place. I’m not hating on her, just think it’s ridiculous when woman expect men to just suck it up when shits rough. I’m sorry, I see to many females out here looking for a shoulder to cry on over everyday life but if a man comes to his partner because he feels overwhelmed it’s just him being irresponsible. In my opinion, stop having children with recovering drug addicts and bitching when shit fails.
Okay I see so many people saying she did this intentionally but I am also seeing so much hate towards addiction and it irritated the fudge out of me like are you serious one it takes 2 to tangos two if you are so dead set that addicts are horrible parents maybe you should take a good strong look at that cup of coffee or soda or tea you drink every morning to function its considered an addiction three everyone says once an addicts always and addict well guess what nearly 9 years sober here and I think that I am doing the best job I can possibly do at this being a mom especially when me and my sons father are not together anymore no it isn’t freaking easy but if there is one definite reason for me to not lapse it is my son. So stop being a freaking judgy butt of a karen and try talking to someone to get the whole entire story first…
Oh well you can’t be upset about his reaction if he was clear he didn’t want kids and you can’t force him to be a father just like he can’t force you to terminate but on another note he should of use protection unless you were supposed to be on birth control and went off it without telling him
Well hun, it took both of you to get here. He isnt in the best place right now mentally, which is totally understandable (by the way, HUGE props to him for getting sober), but with time he might warm up to the idea. You all just need to sit down and have a long talk, and if he needs time to process, give him space and time and don’t bring it up. Just be prepared for things to be tense and stressful and try to stay calm. It’s ok for you to be excited though, and congratulations. When my ex and I found out we were pregnant with our son, we had just had the absolutely worst and scariest day of our lives less than a week before and he wasn’t happy. I kept it low-key but was secretly thrilled because I wanted another baby so badly, my oldest was about to turn 4 and she wanted a little sibling. Best of luck and prayers to both of you and your family.
Unfortunately we can’t always plan pregnancy. I think you should just tell him. Try to create a tranquil environment where you can share this news with him and just be honest and understanding about the current stress you are both under and reassure him that you are in it together and everything will work out the way its meant to.
Nahh from her post it sounds like he knew she could get pregnant that’s why he said “you better not be pregnant”. I would just tell him and really explain, I know this year has been hard on us with all we’ve been through… I’m proud of you and us for getting past this obstacle and after every storm there’s a rainbow and that rainbow just happens to be a baby. And just really tell him how your excited to start this chapter and continue for sobriety. Come up with some ideas on the legal and financial issues so he has reassurance you’re supporting him through his hard time and of course since it’s a surprise baby he will be in shock and might not have the reaction you were hoping but just give him time, with his addiction he’ll want to turn to it again so don’t make it worse let him know your there for him through thick and thin and we’ll get through this together
Please don’t listen to this judge mental Karen’s on here. As a women you have every right to be excited for your baby. Yes you will have to tell him. Figure out a soft way to do it. Maybe remind him of all the good memories of the first two being little. Make sure he is mentally in a positive environment and then tell him. Look up government and state assistance programs, that’s what they are there for until you guys can work out financials. Most importantly do not stress. Stress is not good for the baby or him. And if you stress it will feed his stress. Baby’s are a blessing, God put this baby in both of your lives for a reason. If he asks you to terminate do not get angry at him but just calmly tell him you can’t and why.
I mean the fact that you are pregnant is on both of you, that being said he should be a bit worried as this will be a big blow and he will most likely have to work a bit harder in his sobriety. Just rip it off like a Band-Aid.
Why is everyone saying she planned this and its her fault? Even if she fucking did he knew very well he was ejaculating in a fertile woman. Me m wanna experience all the fyn with none of the blame gtfoh. He should be worried about not being an addict than not being a dad.
He is trying to get his life back in order, you said your self he just became clean and is looking for a job, A baby could cause him to relapse cause of the stress. He made it clear he didn’t want another child nor do I think from what you wrote he is ready for that… there is slot to think about in what you wrote in your situation. Not just on your wants and needs but his as well, it’s not easy becoming clean and the less Stree the better to stay that way. It’s about his mental health which is the most important of this all right now. On the other hand it takes two to tango and use protection. But you could very well be a single mother. It could go both ways.
He WAS an addict, not still an addict. If he put that hard effort in to better himself, you should respect and cherish that. Its not easy. You already have 2 kids. If he made it clear to you he isn’t ready for another, your not gunna respect that? He needs time and space to be able to heal. Properly. Added stress may cause triggers and such. Unfortunately, it takes 2 to tango. Your both at fault!
I wish the best for yous, take it one day at a time
You just need to tell him… straight out say the words. I wouldn’t expect a positive reaction from him as he has repeatedly made it clear that he doesn’t want more right now and he has a lot going on in his life to get back on track. You may have to carry the bulk of this pregnancy on your own but you should already expect that as he has made his side clear.
We were not ready for my second. My oldest was only 8 months when I found out and I have a lot of health issues and a v difficult birth the first time so I was v scared and overwhelmed but we got through it. You adapt and adjust coz you have to and you will both fall in love with baby. He will hopefully come round once the initial shock wears off. Hopefully being in recovery will give him the tools to cope with life challenges like this in an emotionally mature way
I’m sorry for you, I had a cousin who went through and is still going through so much stuff and putting her mom through so much stuff because she is and was an addict… this is why if I know somebody is an addict I’m out or if they’re even friends with somebody who is or was an addict I’m out. I would tell him and if he relapses I’d be gone. I mean I wouldn’t be with that person in the first place but this isn’t the case.
Be excited for your baby. But don’t be upset that he’s not.
I don’t think it matters how you tell him. He is going to feel how he feels no mattered how the information is given to him. What you need to ask yourself is can you do this on your own, not to say he will bail but he is not stable and it is a very real possibility. I wish you the best. I hope everything works out in the favor of your children. I know how hard this is. Please take care.