I have been with my fiance for 9 months and he has taken my child under his wing…we are getting married in 3 months and i want to surprise him with papers to adopt my son since his father was never in his life…how would i go about this?
I think the bio father has to give up his rights.
I think you should be with him for a few years before you do that in my opinion. And if you’re in California, the minimum for child abandonment (which is required so he can adopt him) is 6 months no contact and no help from the other parent
It probably depends on your state but when I was living in Florida there was a process I had to go through for my husband to adopt my kids. You will probably have to legally be married in order for him to be able to. Call your local clerk of court.
Yes lawyer there are low income that can help . Yes you will have to serve the ex with papers
For more reasons than 1 please don’t rush an adoption. Be with this guy for more than a year before you decide to do such a life changing thing. Make sure he’s the right guy to be his dad.
You should take your time, if y’all are already engaged and only been together for 9 months. You don’t know him fully.
You don’t. This is a new relationship and your son has already lost a lot.
I would at least wait and see how you guys handle the marriage first. There can be a chance y’all will want to get divorced and separated. Dont jump the gun right away.
You should wait a little longer before doing something that big and important, in my opinion 9 months is too soon , also , adopting your kid is something that you should talk to him before you “ surprise “ him with adoption papers
I’m sorry but I would advise you wait a bit. I was in that process and the man I was married to just disappeared one day…give it a couple years.
I would wait till you are married for a couple years to make sure it’s going to work long term. Then hire a lawyer for adoption.
Wait and see how your marriage works out… make it fair for everyone
No way. 9 months. I would advise against that. Not sure why you are in such a hurry. I’ve dated guys longer that never met my kids.
Probably not a good idea surprising him and making him perhaps feel obliged to do it. 9 months is very soon… 9 years sure but it’s not even been a full year yet…
I’m sorry. Idk how it is for you. But that’s a serious serious thing. For someone to adopt your child. How long have you know the guy? Seems like you are moving super fast. People wait years and years for someone to adopt their child. Also allow your child to choose this when they are old enough. It will mean so much more to everyone.
give your marriage 5 years (if you make it) first.
U need to slow down. 9 months isn’t nearly long enough wait to see how u two handle being married then talk about it don’t just surprise him.
Have a conversation with him first talking about it happening in the future and see how he reacts….See how the 1st year of marriage goes but honestly I think this is something that he should volunteer to do not you push it on him….Might scare him away….I wish u luck thou
Surprise him with adoption papers? Did he ask? Maybe wait a spell before doing that… Wow…
9 months. You didn’t even ask him?! Ain’t NO man, in 9 months, ever gonna think that’s romantic or whatever you’re trynna do.
A friend of mine allowed her husband to adopt her children and now they are divorced and she seriously regrets it! Take your time!!!
Wow 9 months and surprise him. Does he even want to adopt your son? Shooooizus
The bio dad has to sign rights over.
What!!! That’s way to soon…
Don’t do this.
Any of it
Oh… yeah, don’t do that…
I believe he has to do the asking, you just have to love them both, create a home and everything will fall into place.
Girl take your time please
Do not donthaybhahahah
In my opinion you should wait and let him make that decision if he wants. Listen to him and see if thats something that maybe he brings up in the future. I do believe in love at first sight and true love and marriages don’t have a certain timeline to follow. There’s no rule book to say how long u have to date to wanna get married… to each is his/her own. So stop judging her on the 9 month thing … IJS
Please wait!! You came here for advice so please listen! After almost 3 yrs of being with my ex and being engaged, I was about to do the same thing… then out of no where he literally walked out the night before mothers days(last yr 2021) that was 3 yrs… 9 months isn’t much time at all!! Please think about your child above anyone else!! I learned from my son that he would of not wanted to be adopted by my ex bc he seen signs!!
Hey… slow down. For your kid… sloooow dowwwwn
Wow… These women!! 9 months, ?? Really
I would wait. I really would. So if u get divorced he can’t take him.
Why you even marrying this man so quick when you have kids? Slow down for your kids sake.
sooooo y’all wanna tell her or should i?
Jae Nicole frfr
In my state ( I live on the boarder between Washington and Idaho) both states you have to post in the paper to announce to the bio dad since you don’t know his location, after some time if there is no response, since you’re not married And living together for at least a year, they will do a home evaluation and then the judge will decide if it’s right in court. There’s at least a couple few hundred dollars in fees and more than likely a lawyer to help you file all the necessary paperwork.
You can’t just get papers to take custody of a child. This will be a multiple month long process and all parties involved need to be ready and prepared for what it entails￼. I say talk to your finance and do your research. It doesn’t just happen because you want it to
You don’t. This is not enough time. You have a lot to still experience as a family. There is no need to rush this process at all.
Too soon!!! We never plan on a marriage going south, but that has to be in our minds when children are involved.
Once he adopts your son he has equal right to him if something does go wrong.
This is not something you suprise someone with. I get the whole meeting someone and falling in love apsect BUT doing something like this
Not sure how old your son is but even st any age. Rushing to make a baby daddy vis suprise adoption. Cookie cutter family is just not it
This just an all around odd situation and id definitely think twice before just insertint someone on a birth certificate.
If divorce, happens, God Forbid. He would have a lot of rights to claim your child too. So please wait!!
Maybe not the type of thing you surprise someone with
Give it time before you do that…Too fast and could potentially hurt your child in the long run
girl… this probably why his daddy not around now (probably rushed having a baby by a mf who didn’t want one)
slow ya ass down & have a seat. you barely know this man’s name. you need to hold off getting married for at least another year. get through the first 2-3 years of your marriage (first 5 are the HARDEST) & then come back & evaluate.
Please think about this!
Honestly what the f*** is wrong with you? … that is nowhere close to a reasonable time frame to even know if somebody or your feelings are genuinely real and a forever sense so how are you going to sit here and rush and adoption???
Mengine achia nature
I’d definitely wait first get to know him better
Well…. You don’t just surprise someone with adoption papers. That’s a conversation.
Me and my husband have been together for 4 years now, I had a son from a previous relationship and his bio dad wasnt involved at all. We just started the adoption process in January, bio dad signed his rights away and my husband signed some paperwork so now its just a waiting process. The only reason his bio had to sign rights over was because he adjudicated himself my sons father in a child support hearing thinking he would be able to step up (life doesn’t always work the way a person wants it to) but unfortunately for multiple reasons that didn’t happen and he was willing to sign his rights away so my husband could adopt my son whom is 5. My son has only met his bio a few times so his bio felt it was the right thing to do because my husband has been raising him since he was 1. I dont know your case but our attorney said that legally speaking you have to be married a year for a step parent adoption to be considered.
Nine months is nowhere near long enough also adoption shouldn’t even be on the table a man or woman doesn’t need to adopt a child to be a father or mother to a child that isn’t biologically theirs. This major decision should be up to the child thats it
be on the table at all unless
If the dad signed his rights over, it wouldnt be hard at all. Also its going to be easier once yall are married. I dont think theyll let a man you arent married to adopt your son.
You’d see if the marriage works out then go about it?
I would say don’t do that. Like that’s a bad idea. You’ve not even been with this man a year and want him to have right to your child. Yikes. That also might freak him out a bit as well, I know it would for me so just maybe, no.
Great idea if he wants to do it. Do NOT surprise him with this! VERY bad idea!
I wouldn’t surprise someone like that and like others have said I’d wait awhile longer personally
Whoa whoa whoa…
I’ve been with mine 7 years, but ain’t about to present him with adoption papers for my kids that ain’t his
Your moving way too fast no offense just chill out. Nobody dates anymore.
It all depends on where you live. My husband was able to start the process to adopt my son once we had been married for 6 months. He officially adopted him just before we celebrated 3 years of being together. We rushed the process to make life easier on everyone though. My husband very much wanted to do it though. I would say talk about it with your partner and then contact a family lawyer to ask questions about the process. I’m not sure surprising him would be a good idea though
Have you talked to him about it first?
Also since you’ve been together less than a year maybe you should wait a couple years to make sure things are going to work out. What if you find out after you’re married that he’s completely different than how he’s purported himself to be? Then you have to share custody with him if you had to separate or divorce. Seems like you’re jumping the gun a little bit.
Way too soon. Also not sure what the laws are in your state but where I live, you have to be married for a year to be able to adopt your wife’s child. I’ve been with my husband for 6 years and he’s adopting our daughter.
9 months??? Too soon!
You can’t pick a dad like you pick god parents, be very careful because it could end up messing with your child’s mental health for lots of reasons, best of luck and just see how things go before making such a hasty decision, you can apply any time regarding the process and you’d be best prepared that way too x
Wow. Maybe after 9 years.
Uh, you don’t… also not trying to be rude at all… That is not something you throw at someone, enjoy your wedding and your marriage for awhile… again no offense but you surprise someone with a gift, proposal etc. Not that and I do wish you the best but
If there isn’t a father on the birth certificate, just have him sign a paternity affidavit and have him added on the BC as father…they will just amend the BC and the form is super easy to fill out and have notarized
You don’t. If that’s something he wants, he will come to you, on his time.
Honestly I’d wait till you’ve been married a few years
A whole 9 months! I wouldn’t sign my dog over to someone after 9 measly months.
You need to slow down. That’s no way to surprise someone. You can’t just let any man adopt your kids.
Does he want to adopt him? Is the father ok with signing his rights away? Nine months. Man that must be a lifetime now days:rofl:
You get an attorney once you’re married and file for your sons fathers rights to be terminated. If he’s willing to sign over his rights it should be pretty cut and dry.
9 months is too early for that. I’d wait at least 2 years to see how it goes with him. Everyone knows how the beginning of relationships are like a fairy tell and lots turn out to be horrific. Don’t rush it. There is time!!
Omg 9 months seriously
I hope this is fake lol
You have to get a lawyer my husband adopted both my son and they carry his last name
You can start the adoption process by contacting a lawyer. You will need to get the baby’s dad’s approval and signature in MOST cases. It will take approximately 1-2 years to finalize the adoption.
That being said. I highly recommend waiting until you’ve been married a minimum of 2 years to make sure that he is the person you want to be legally associated as his dad. Once that adoption goes through it is extremely difficult to get it overturned, meaning that if yall split he will have parental rights and CAN fight you for custody.
I have to agree with everyone! I have a four year old and I have been with my boyfriend for 3 1/2 years. He is not my daughters bio dad, but he is my daughters father figure. She calls him by his first name but they have a very father daughter relationship. I love how close they have come, but I still don’t want him to adopt her. I mean if we have our own children in the future, then yes. It’s a huge decision and will affect everyone. I think it’s something you should discuss with your partner, it’s not something to spring on a person. Good luck
9 months too short sis! Think again… for a few yrs this time
You want to surprise him so he hasn’t asked? This kid has a dad, just stop before you mess him up. Do you force him to call him daddy to This sounds a little desperate
9 months?? Had pregnancies longer…
I agree with everyone … DON’T DO IT!
It seems you are a person who makes bad decisions… Choose to have a kid by a pos… Now, said pos is absent. So your next bright idea is to date a guy for 9m and surprise him with adoption papers since y’all getting married in 3 months? Weddings (actual ceremony type take planning) so ima assume y’all have have been engaged for awhile? None of this seems silly to you? How long has this guy been around your kid? The whole 9months? Or did he just meet the kid? Man… There is so much wrong with this situation… Oh well I guess lol
9 months!?!?! Girl that’s not a safe responsible decision for your child. You never truly know someone in that small amount of time
What about the dad? If the dad isn’t 8n the picture and has no rights or is passed away shouldn’t be an issue…your man can decide for his self if he wants to take that on
Adoption?! Its only been 9 months. That’s nothing. Id wait. Seriously. See if he even sticks around first. You guys are still in the honeymoon stage.
Way to soon to do that 9 months come on
If ya know where the dad is you don’t want to tell it. If ya don’t knowvthey have you run an aD in a paper for 6 wks.to let the dad know of your intentions.if he doesn’t respond your good to adopt
First things first, don’t listen to these people. You know what’s best for you and yours. I married my husband after 2 months of dating. I’ve never been happier, nor have my kids. But you’ll have to be married before he can adopt. Check your state requirements, you may need to be married for a certain amount of time before he can adopt. I’m in Maryland and my husband and I recently finalized his adoption of my two youngest children. We didn’t use a lawyer, we petitioned the courts ourself, with consent from biological father. Had bio dad not consented, we would have had to show just cause as to why his rights should be terminated and have proved that we made every reasonable attempt to contact/notify the bio.
You have only been with him 9 months? To each their own but to me thats not enough time to get to know someone enough to marry them let alone let them adopt your child
Not that it’s my business but honestly 9 months is not long enough to be with someone before springing adoption on somebody, what if he said no? What if he said yes and ended up being a P.O.S once your married and living together with your child?
In the state of MS, you can’t adopt a child unless both parent relinquish rights to you or you’re married to one parent and the other parent has severed rights. Even then, the court can rule against the adoption if they feel it’s deemed. If this case were presented in MS it would most likely be denied. 9 months isn’t long enough to know if this person will stick around for life. And I would let the child weigh in on that decision as well since it directly affects the rest of their life and identity.
Wtf that’s dumb. Don’t do that. Hell he ain’t even asked for this. Wait several years and let the child decide
Maybe test out the step dad waters first…. See how he really parents before giving him full legal rights over your child. Boyfriends/girlfriends and stepparents parent completely different…. Chill. It’s nice you’re excited, I’m sure your fiancé is too but he can parent just as well as a step father as he would as an adoptive one.
how old ur son if old enuf maybe let him have a one on one chat with ur man might mean more coming from him
I would never give a random guy I’ve been with less than a year parental rights. You don’t know how this could end up. Put your child first. It isn’t about your boyfriends or you it’s about your child. Your child shouldn’t be used as a gift. A child is not an object to give to a random dude you’ve been with 9 months.
Ummmm way too early… if something were to happen between y’all , you can’t take it back! Let’s see… “well we’re getting a divorce, gimme my son back now” don’t do it…nope nope nope!
Not yet until many years later