How do I break this pattern?!

I'm a genuinely and lovely attractive married woman. I have everything I could ever want in a husband however I have never felt any major chemistry or sexual attraction. Sometime I get male attention and it feels so good to flirt and feel that major attraction and sexual tension.

On the odd occasion these interactions have turned physical and it’s not even about the sex for me, it’s the flirting and sexual tension/build up from someone I’m really attracted to that makes me feel excited. But always ends and makes me feel worse. Usually, because of someone catching feels or worrying about catching feels. I find that the men that I find really attractive, seem to be into me until they get what they want and then ghost me a bit which ultimately makes me feel unattractive and not good enough. Yet I know I have this person at home who thinks i am the most amazing and gorgeous. But that sexual attraction for me is soooooo important and isnt there.

I want to break this pattern. This isnt what I want for myself or my husband. I really need some advice.

Please don’t judge me, be nice

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Break the pattern by being aware of it. Mindfulness is your greatest tool to work with in any matter of the heart. You can create that sexual tension you seek with your spouse by being open and honest with him. Being disciplined in your urges and needs. I wish you luck.

You break the pattern by doing better. If you are not attracted to you husband then you either work with him to bring the spark back or leave. You don’t make him look like a fool all over town. Men don’t respect you cause your acting like a whore and they prob know your married. You sound like the type
That loves the chase then gets bored when you catch them. That is a sad lonely existence
I think you need some counseling to help you find self worth. When you love yourself you won’t need sex to feel attractive. Maybe you will also learn empathy and how you’re selfishness hurts others.
Do better and god bless!

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How do I break this pattern?! - Mamas Uncut

No judgement but maybe you should allow your husband to be with someone who really wants and desires him. Seems like you are chasing things that belong to others. If you are cheating on your husband then you no longer love him and he deserves better

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Um… Your husband deserves better. Maybe instead of cheating you should leave your husband and let him find someone who actually deserves him because you obviously don’t at all. Don’t judge you? Sorry but there is nothing you can say that will make cheating okay!

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A whole post full of nopes!! Omg you’re an ass… you want to be single and fuck around! That’s what you’re describing!! Your hubby could give that to you if you were mature enough

Well he probably feels the same way…how does that make YOU feel…

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My advice is to leave your husband. Let that man go and find a woman who not only appreciates him but is attracted to him. If you’re not willing to do that, I suggest counseling because you have some things to work through. You both deserve to be happy and it’s obvious you aren’t. It’s time to move on.

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You need to come clean to your husband. He deserves that. Then, if both of you want to work things out, go to therapy.

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Get a divorce! He deserves way more… I don’t care how attractive you think you are, an ugly heart is an ugly heart!!

If the attraction isn’t there and you are seeking it from other people, then you should not be in your marriage.

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I would maybe look into counseling for yourself. Obviously you should know that cheating isn’t okay but beyond that it’s almost sounding like a thrill seeking or addictive behavior. Were you never attracted to your husband and you just settled for him or is it more the spark has gone? It could be something that you he would be willing to work on with you but you don’t deserve him if you keep this up.

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You’re a cheater so you don’t deserve nice. Get a divorce and let that man find a real woman not a :face_with_symbols_over_mouth:

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You need to divorce your husband he doesn’t deserve it and you don’t deserve him

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leave your husband. poor guy doesn’t deserve this :sob::raised_hand:t2:. get help

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So ya hold ur hands up to cheating and say you are a lovely genuine girl omg re read what u wrote this has to be a wind up tell ur husband let him know he deserves better and as for u u need to go get tested shocked a good looking man gets sex off a bored housewife and doesn’t send ya roses ahh stop is this a wind up has to be a joke

My heart breaks for your husband. You don’t deserve him and he doesn’t deserve what you’re doing to him.

You need to come clean and get a divorce so he can be treated the way he deserves and you can run around and hussy it up as much as your little heart desires.

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Soooo, you cheat on your husband because you like the thrill of the chase and become upset when they ghost you. Hmm does your husband know because if you wanted better for him you wouldn’t be doing what your doing. Just leave and chase all the hounds you want and leave a good man for the lady that would truly appreciate him

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As an ex-wife who was cheated on multiple times, please just let him go. You’re hurting him more than you know. Just divorce him and let him find someone who will appreciate him.

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Does your husband know about your lifestyle and is he okay with it? If so, I’m not really sure what advice to give because you will never gain sexual attraction to him if you haven’t by now. If he doesn’t know and you’re actually cheating with all these men, you need to come clean and give him a divorce because he deserves to be with someone who does appreciate him for everything he is and not just what he does.

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Come clean to your hubby, (I had to, but I’m also poly by heart. And it’s hard when my hubby is mono… However it’s spelled) and hope you can work it out if you really love and want to be with your hubby. Take couple concealing to help you see what you need to do. My hubby and I basically had a week long argument and it ended with him apologizing for hurting and stressing me out because I’m also pregnant, possibly the my other guy’s child. (And yes I do love both, if not a third, as equal lovers. But the third I love silently cause he chosen what he wanted and it wasn’t me, and I’m not going to force it. So find how how to spark your interest in your hubby again and love on your hubby before loving on others. They’ll leave you. Your hubby obviously loves something about you to even trust you when you go out. Spice things up between hubby and yourself.

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No judgment but either count your blessings and behave or let him go and let someone else have his devotion!

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Pure entitlement. You learn that in your upbringing. Work on yourself and change these patterns for your own good. Leave your husband. He doesn’t deserve to be treated like that.

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Get a divorce find someone you want that wants you

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So u think ur the most beautiful thing ever because people flirt and use u for bookie ? Men will tell u anything to get what they want obviously ur not what u think lol

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You’re missing something within and probably should explore that with a therapist . I wouldn’t say your not monogamous or have a sex addiction. I think you don’t like or hell even love yourself. also I think you’re to involved with how you see yourself as attractive and not attractive over rejection.You don’t know yourself well enough. You definitely need to let your husband go his seperate way because you’re disrespecting him and making him look like a fool that’s seriously harsh to do to someone especially since you’re the one with the issues.

Your a hoe…
If you are cheating on your husband and know your wrong but only do it because of the thrill but get upset when you get ghosted…really…you are not sorry that you have done it or do it if you keep doing it.
Let that man go so he can find a real woman.
My heart shatters for him because you obviously could give two shits about him.
Let him find someone who thinks hes the stars and moon.
Point blank!

You can’t have your cake and eat it too. Pick a lifestyle that doesn’t hurt someone else :roll_eyes:

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I think you know the answer, good luck!

It’s not a crime to not be sexually attracted to your partner anymore :roll_eyes: just leave tho

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All that could be focused on your husband & therapy. Been on both sides of the fence & what you’re doing will only hurt you & him in the long run. Seek individualized therapy & couples therapy(& hope he will stick around). The grass is greener where it’s watered.

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Can’t turn a ho into a housewife

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Why tf did you marry someone you have zero desire for wtf? You’re conceited and have no right to be, you’re getting reality check from me girl, I’m not nice :kissing_heart:

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Tell him you cheated on him, I’m sure there will be tons of chemistry then…:roll_eyes: you’re a disgusting human :tipping_hand_woman:

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Soooo wrong on so many levels! You need to let your husband find real true love and you need to get yourself some counseling. That is real damaging behavior…to your husband and yourself! Im not trying to judge but you are old enough to know cheating is so wrong and youve done it more than once…that man deserves better and you are not it!

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You’re getting that because God knows you’re doing this man wrong let him go and hoe in peace

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No judgment…I swear. Were you sexually molested as a child? Because I am… And one of the things I associate with love is sex. That, along with attachment issues means I always pick the wrong kind of person… And keep picking them. There’s always a reason we are the way we are… As children, wires get crossed and we make associations that, ultimately, aren’t healthy. This isn’t the place to figure this out. Therapy darlin’. It can change your whole life. Happiness is real… And you deserve some too. Ignore the hateful shit. Be good and grant yourself some grace. The first step to fixing a problem is acknowledging the problem. Good luck.

I hope your man sees this

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Maybe try seeing if your husband would be ok with having an open relationship.

Works for a lot of people. :woman_shrugging:t2:

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This sounds like the plot from Sex Life on Netflix….

As the saying goes u Never know what u have until the Well runs Dry…
An what u Consider as GARBAGE will be another Woman’s TREASURE…
Do ur husband a favor an divorce him let him find someoneelse who is deserving of him …
U are a Blatant
person …
This is so Damn Wrong big times when ever i hear of a Married woman chatting with another man if it be talking on the phone or texting on the phone all this is consider CHEATING!!!
ALSO flirting with another Man OR MEN u are a Big Time Cheater because in No marriage should a woman be doing these things…
If u want to stop this u will Stop it on ur own or take Counseling Sessions …
If ur husband knows u are texting another man an Flirting he will send u packing out of his House…
Nonsense u have a good husband who buys things for u , goes places with u together with many other things, Another woman will be grateful to have a husband like yours who does things for her…
U are cheating ,
u are flirting with another man or other men…
That’s gross to be doing in ur Marriage…

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Perhaps they ghost you after because you’re married? Just a thought.

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Why if you never felt any chemistry did you marry your Husband in the 1st place?

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Tell your husband to go find someone who deserves him

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Just because ur 'beautiful" outside ur ugly inside for doing what u do… get a divorce and do u instead of hurting someone that loves u who else is dying to see what she looks like

I think you really need to come clean with yourself and your husband. Obviously there’s some kind of void inside of you and it’s beyond not fair to be cheating. Marriage isn’t a fairytale it’s hard work with both people being on the same page. I’ve been with my partner for 15 years and yes sometimes you might feel like the grass is greener on the other side but if you’re tending to your own grass it can be just as beautiful if not. Better.

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Be honest and tell your husband that you’ve crossed a line. You feel a distant there because you feel guilty. If you are not happy with your husband, leave him and let him find someone that will love him the right way and you someone you will love the right way. You’ll never get over or past this issue without full disclosure though.

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You need to tell your husband and then get some therapy or something.

I’m not sorry but your husband doesn’t deserve you. Divorce. If not therapy but you have to tell him. He will find out eventually and of course he may leave you. It’s bad enough your cheating on him. All the men you cheat with leave you or ghost you is for a reason , they get what they want and leave. Who wants to be with a cheater? Not no one ever! You have deeper issues and may as well hoe it single! stop hurting your poor husband!

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Don’t judge me be nice I’m only cheating on my husband lol :joy: fucking coward!

I lost a few brain cells trying to understand this….

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Be nice? You don’t deserve it.
You’re a wh…
I hope your husband finds out, poor man. Disgusting.

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My favorite part… “be nice” ON SOCIAL MEDIA WITH thousands of strangers you’re asking advice from. :ok_hand:

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All i read was I’m a cheating home wrecker but please don’t judge me :roll_eyes: gtfo

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I think you should be open and honest with your husband about how you feel and what you’ve done so that he can divorce you and find someone who deserves him because you definitely do not! After that, you should seek therapy for yourself and figure out your issues!

On a side note, cheating on someone, let alone your spouse, is never excusable. If you’re not attracted to your spouse, if you’re unhappy, if you no longer love them… just be honest and leave them so you can whore around with whoever, whenever and wherever. All I got out of your post was “me…me…me…”. How you feel, what you want. Ever stop to think about how what you do makes your spouse feel?

Get a divorce from your poor husband

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Awww that’s a bit sad. Please seek professional help. Might be some unresolved trauma from your past.

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“Catching feels”…what?
You’re married, and I feel horrible for your husband.
Give him a chance to be with a real woman.

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#NoJudgeZone ladies, damn.

You need to make up your mind of what you want because giving into those desires are a major blow to someone who loves you.You just can’t hurt someone like that if you truly love them and care for them.

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I’m assuming your husband knows of your infidelity bc otherwise I would be very concerned how comfortable you are with it! If he doesn’t know, he absolutely deserves to know. He deserves a woman that loves him as he does her! I can only imagine how one sided your marriage is if it’s not an open marriage. Maybe you’ve lost your attraction to him because you’re spending your time being sexually attracted to others. He’s at home. He’s boring now. The affairs are exciting. I can’t imagine you being this upset about these men ghosting you unless you simply forgot that the man that won’t ghost you never left your side and still loves you. This post is charged in so many ways. Please get counseling first and foremost. I hear pain in your words. And not pain that your husband is causing you.

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I can’t throw a stone at u for the fact I’m no better than u I’ve done things in my life that I’m not proud of…I’ve learned that the flesh is weak we are our own enemies I turned from my ways when I would go after a temporary fix nothing would make it any better but let me tell u being honest with yourself what’s causing the behavior and the only one that set me free from all my destructive actions n behavior was Jesus Christ reading the word n learning the truth set me free Gods love is the only one that can fill that void n who takes the shame away

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You’re not being serious right? Like this has to be an actual joke post…? Right?! Lol are you asking advice to fix the marriage you have ruined (clearly many times) or asking advice to be a better more successful home wrecking lier? Sorry I’m just a little confused :thinking:

I felt the same way, left my husband and all those men disappeared fast, you better think long and hard about being alone…

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You need to get into therapy.
Seriously.
I had this issue when I was in my 20’s.
Therapy helped.
I’ve been faithfully married for 13yrs and i actually got annoyed more than flattered when I’m hit on.

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Is like a a joke, are we being trolled? I seriously hope so, wtf.

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Pass him on to someone who deserves him clearly you dont n you dont respect him either wonder y so many people are fucked up these days qhat a mutt…

How about this?? Who’s your husband because I’m sure there is a single, loving, FAITHFUL woman here that would be very happy to help him get over you… harsh? Try trying to convince us not to judge you for being upset that your affairs are ghosting you after you give up the pooty!! God save that man! :pray:

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You’ll never find chemistry in your husband if you are finding chemistry in other men. If you have a good man at home and still find it necessary to seek attention then maybe some therapy will help you figure out why. Hopefully you’ll allow your husband the ability to be with someone who deserves him.

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Why did you even marry your husband if there was never any real chemistry or sexual attraction, in the first place, knowing that those are very important to you…?

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Why did you even marry him if there’s no chemistry or attraction :woozy_face::nauseated_face:
Divorce him bc he 100% deserves someone who wont do this.

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Feeling desired is a powerful thing. If your husband is cool with it , it’s nobody’s business.

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You don’t deserve your husband.

Absolutely disgusting.

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Get a divorce and be single…live that exciting life…or get some counseling oh and include your husband cause he will need it too.

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Girl you are disgusting, if anyone feels sorry for you then something isn’t right with them either.

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Guys are these made up stories :joy:

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Sounds like you’re a little to much into yourself. YOU: LOOK AT ME IM GORGEOUS! to who? To men that know they can use you for one thing and say see ya! You think looks are EVERYTHING? Beauty fades my friend, a sincere hearted person stays for eternity. Remember the next time you need to fill your " im to gorgeous for my husband" needs and cheat " again"

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Get a divorce!! Let that man be free, NO ONE deserves that…

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My advice is to stop cheating on your husband or get a divorce and let him marry someone who deserves him…

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You don’t deserve to be treated nicely. Tbh, you need to see a psychiatrist or something if you think you’re behavior is even slightly ok. If there’s no chemistry between you and your husband, leave! Period. You’re a bad wife. And need to humble yourself a bit because you’re speaking pretty highly of yourself when you’re a bad person inside.

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Maybe u should tell ur husband and see how he feels about it…he should have a say in all this, shouldn’t he?
What would happen if it were the other way around?.

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If you are cheating all the time you don’t deserve your husband

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The only thing that comes to mind when I read this; if you’re not happy where you’re at, leave! Don’t damage someone else because you’re damaged in your own sense.
He seems as if he might be a good man, and you’re actions will only destroy him! Let him go so he can find a women who truly deserves him. You can’t make a wife out of a hoe. Sorry not sorry.:woman_shrugging:t2:

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Leave him. He deserves better than a ho

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You sound like an awful person who needs therapy and a divorce.

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You want us to be nice to you but you are not nice to your husband n yourself
You need counselling

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Similar to Sex/Life on Netflix. No marriage is perfect. Not body is perfect. Have to ask yourself which is more important your husband whom you love or the passion with random guys.

See a therapist. An online forum is not getting help. It’s pretending to absolve you of your guilt.

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Your husband needs a new wife. Are you honest about any of this to him? Might wanna look up the word Loyalty, which in my experience goes hand in hand with being a wife.

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tell me your a narcissistic hoe without telling me.

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Start looking inward for qualities you find attractive in your husband. Try gratitude journaling and positive affirmations, to fill your own void, and self love deficit. Therapy too. I’m no expert but this sounds like something you need more help than a Facebook group for.

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Girl, please tell me you’re reading this? You’re human and feel things. But, some humans, such as YOURSELF, should not be in a relationship. Absolutely no hate to you. But he’s obviously a settle down and love someone type of human and you’re probably someone who gets bored easily. I’m not saying leave but I’m also not saying you should stay. At this point, counseling is the best option

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So essentially, you are a terrible person. That is what you are admitting to us. That is why your conscience told you to write this post. You would have us believe that you are without responsibility deep down, because it seems apparent that you are a slave to your biology as women have been so memed of being, but the truth is, you aren’t. You are just a bad person doing bad things on purpose fully conscious and in control of your actions.

If you even remotely care about righting what you have done wrong as you claim, the only thing to do is tell your husband. You can’t divorce him because then he is punished by the female-biased court system for YOUR sins. He should have free reign to cheat on you with just about any woman he feels like while you do the more mundane wifely duties to him. If there are children, you stay. You should be his slave, that is the only repentance for what you have done.

Honestly I don’t know how you can live with yourself or if you tell yourself you love your husband - you don’t. You get off on the thrill of cheating and you should make your name public so that men can know to ignore, bypass, and generally stay away from you. You need to be ostracized, as a man would be for doing this.

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Dishonouring all the vows of a marriage… no sexual chemistry is not the same as “for better or for worse” when you’re doing the worst thing by looking outside your marriage for the services you should be seeking out from your loving husband. No wonder the sexual chemistry never came around, why marry in the first place? Clearly didn’t value what marriage means. Let go of what you’re clearly taking for granted, when that poor man likely doesn’t even know there’s inadequacy in the marriage like that, and likely feels the total opposite in those intimate moments. Not fair to him more than anything

The fact that you had to say “don’t judge be nice” shows you already hate yourself for what you’re doing to your husband. Get a clue… or some class. If you really love your husband and hate what you’re doing in your marriage let him go!!

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Well to break the pattern, you gotta stop cheating on this oh so amazing man you’re married to or give him to someone that’ll treat him right :joy:

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You’re what they call a thot. Hate to say it, but it’s true.

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Do you have children?
Does your husband know about any of this?
These “odd occasions” are not going to fill whatever void you have in your life. You need change and your husband deserves better. I am no Saint, but I believe once a threshold is crossed you keep walkin.

Wow! That’s all I’m going to say

:face_with_symbols_over_mouth: The nerve…

In the nicest way possible you should not be married to your husband or in a relationship.

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