So I just had my 2nd baby 2 weeks ago. The night I came home from the hospital I found messages between my SO (ex-SO now) and another woman talking crap on me. When I asked who it was he snapped and started yelling at me then left. Next day he was saying it wasn’t what I was thinking blah blah blah. So I just asked who it was. He completely avoided the question. I decided to move back in with my parents since I don’t have a job and literally just had a baby. At first he was all about making it work for the kids. I had 2 conditions. 1. I wanted to know who it was. If it wasn’t like I thought then what was the big deal? 2. We had to go to therapy. He again completely avoided either topic and just kept saying sorry. Telling me I deserve better and he knows he treated me wrong for years blah blah blah. Well now he has moved on to I’m crazy. When I said we were coming to my parents as a more permanent solution so I could get back on my feet. Now I’m the crazy one and I’m trying to keep the kids away. I have only said something one time about keeping the kids away. And that was because he told me he hoped I died in-front of our 3 yo. I told him I never say anything bad about him in front of the kids and he should do the same. If he wants to tell me that then so be it. But don’t do it in front of our kids. I blocked him for most of the day until I sent him pictures of the kids with the Easter bunny. Which in response I got more attitude. He didn’t have to respond at all. How do I coparent with someone like this? I don’t even want to anymore. He already hangs out with a bad crowd and I don’t trust him taking them anywhere. One of the places he hangs out at just got raided by police and 7 people arrested. I don’t want to keep the kids away bc my daughter loves him and ask about him. But I can’t even be around him without him saying something negative or calling me names. Even if I just sit in the car and don’t say anything. How do I do this without keeping my kids away from him?
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How do I co parent with someone who constantly calls me names? - Mamas Uncut
Got to court for custody. That’s the only way honey.
Most men I know would offer…
First and foremost… go for custody. He could take them and there’s nothing the police will do without a custody agreement through the courts. Keep a record of every single thing. Protect your babies.
You go to court and get a parenting texting app. You guys are talking about way too many other topics besides the kids. This way a judge can monitor it. When you go to court I would also mention that one of his hangout spots got raided by police. That you are concerned about some safety issues etc. Some are mature enough to avoid court and handle things. Others just can’t unfortunately. 
You need to be in the house with your children. He needs to move out .
Keep records of everything. Get a protection order and an emergency custody of children.
You file for custody and request family therapy in the court order.
Cut your losses. Stay with your parents. And file for full custody. Do not correspond with him unless it’s directly related to the kids. Document EVERYTHING with dates, times, actions, words. If he threatens you or tries to be violent, file a restraining order immediately. He is NOT a person you can work things out with. Don’t even entertain it. Make a clean break.
I wouldn’t. I’d establish FULL custody through the courts. Legally he can take them one day and not return them unless custody is established. You definitely don’t want that to happen with a man that plays those games then you’d be fighting just to see the kids. Make sure it’s set in stone and then ignore him for any other thing that doesn’t have to do with kids. Definitely don’t fall for his nonsense and fake love.
Ask for Supervised visitation every other weekend for two hours reason being he hangs out with the wrong crowd and your children are young
Video chat calls for kids. Get legal custody. Go back to school. You deserve far better than what you accept.
No, Girl. Establish custody and bring your concerns to the judge’s attention. Ask for him to have only supervised visitation. Your kids deserve to be protected from this A-hole.
You let him know that if it continues you won’t communicate with him…and if it does continue you actually stop communicating with him. Is there a friend or relative who is willing to help you with this? Or the courts can arrange it if you can prove it all etc. (which of course takes time). Save the texts with him being ugly. You don’t have to put up with verbal abuse.
He needs to shut his trap and move. Thats what a real man would do.
If you go to the court house and have/make limited funds you can get free legal advice(6 one hour sessions) and they will help you write things up. You need to work out Child Support and if you don’t trust him to pay, make the agreement say you want it going through CFS
I would suggest asking he gets supervised visitation
File for custody Asap.
Keep all texts and emails, notes etc
Keep records and let me take you to court… I wouldn’t allow him to take them if you are worried over their safety… but I always ask myself… are they as bad as I’m saying especially since I wanted kids with him?!? Hugs
Get a lawyer, tell her what’s going on and what has been going on and she’ll tell you what you should do. I’m in the same boat
Make sure you write everything down, that means dates, times and what was said. Where and if things happen that you know of about him like this place getting raided by police. Everything must be documented! Plus if you can keep all his texts to you do that. Showing he is berating you and being nasty towards you. Try taping him without his knowledge when you are around him when he is talking nasty to you! You need to get a custody order in effect immediately!
file for full custody immediately. ask the courts for supervised visits for dad but also let them know about how he verbally abuses you in front of kids so you need a mediator
File for emergency custody asap. Document, document. Document.
I would also ask for supervised visitation at this point. Then start living your life. Get on your own 2 feet and do what’s best for your kids.
Supervised visitation
Why have a second baby with a man who didn’t love you enough to marry you before the first?
COURT… ASAP
You need to file for full “legal custody” and full “physical custody”
Or at VERY least…
Full legal and shared physical…
You want that full legal because that gives you the right to make all decisions for them. Without having to “work” with him 
She will turn out bad news if you allow this go to a lawyer and get full custody
What. Is. Wrong. With. Him. I’d. Get. divorce this guy. Is. A. Bully who. Knows. If. &. When. Hell. Turn. Abusive
First off- I’m so proud of you for having boundaries and sticking to them! Ultimately you have made the best decision for you and your kids! If he’s treating you like this AT ALL because of his own mistakes- you have made the right choice. I suggest Go through the courts. Get the coparent app that allows for parents to communicate while still being blocked on their regular phone. That way you have it for if his behavior gets worse.
Go to the courthouse and file for paperwork to have it managed through them. Men like this will just do whatever they can do to be in control and make things miserable for you and everyone involved.
Tell him to go to rehab and call you when he graduates… sounds like to be he is probably on something hanging out with folks that just got raided and 7 folks went to jail… I say that Bc I kno those type of people I use to be one… tell him to get his self help and go from there
Modify your court order that he cannot speak badly of you when handing off the kids or to the children. Use a parent communication app that the court can see and only talk through that. Again, that can be court ordered. Worse comes to worse, get a pfa or middle man to get the kids back and forth. But definitely have a lawyer. Taking abuse is never part of the bargain
Get a lawyer. Worth it.
My kids wouldn’t be around him until he acted right and changed his friend group
Go to the court and ask for supervised visits
He told you, you deserved better, believe him. The end
Go to court and have supervised visits
Go to court and set up supervised visitation with a 3rd party.
File court paper work first!! Document everything refuse to talk to him on the phone. Get free low income legal advice- look it up in your state- the court website has paperwork online.
I wouldn’t. Just go for custody and ask for supervised visits
He’s a narcissist, leave him alone and file for child support and supervised visits.
Yup… go no contact and go through the court for everything. It won’t change. Why do you think he wouldn’t tell you who it was?? Not rocket science!
Get full legal and physical custody followed by supervised visits
Document everything get proof of everything keep them away do a police restraining order to keep yourself safe and I don’t know if you’re married or what but definitely divorce him and take him for child support maybe if you’re lucky you can even get him to sign away his rights
Get a lawyer to see how to go forward.
Take all this info and go see a lawyer- your children are your number one priority- their environment,& safety are your responsibility. Put your foot down, young one. He is the one with emotional/ mental problems. More than likely he is using too. That’s the only reason people hang out at a “connection”house. If you allow your children to go with him places like this- be prepared to have CPS in your life. Don’t allow the drama to happen- your a good Momma- now act like one, young one. 
i applaud you for leaving before it got worst meet in public places park etc to let him see the kids and keep all communication down to almost zero i have a separate fb page where i just post my kids for him and his family to see or to video chat off of i changed my number and i have mine blocked everywhere and gave him a google voice number for contact and on holidays he comes to my house to visit because i dont think he is in a stable environment to take my kids anywhere with him
Your children deserve to be loved and happy and he is not on the same page with you nor is he the father of the year take your children as far away as you can safely without him
also go through the courts have them make him do parenting classes and be on supervised visits
Exparte in court. Then regroup with your family by your side. Healthy Mental and emotional development is more important right now for the toddler than seeing someone disrespect you verbally and destroy you emotionally in the toddlers presence. You can do this! Be good to you. You have children to raise and you are their voice and protector. Praying for you
Run for the hills - no matter what he tells you, his behavior has shown that he can’t be trusted- He won’t listen until he is threatened in court … quit giving him any more chances until (or when) he shapes up. Your kids will be fine for now … they won’t be fine with a parent like that …. Believe me!
Ohhh momma…I’m so sorry you are going through this. Can I just shout from the rooftops how proud I am of you and how inspiring your story will be for so many young mothers!!! I’m glad you can see your worth and you picked yourself up and got on with your life!! You are a strong woman and mother!! Wish I had been that strong years ago. I don’t have the best advice on how to co-parent as I too have dealt with the nearly impossible task of trying to communicate with me ex husband over our boys. I couldn’t even send him pics of a new hair cut or first day of school in a new grade without it making him angry, volatile and accusing me of doing it just to make hime sad. The reality is, I was trying to share with him the things I would want to see if I wasn’t there and share with him parts of their life I wouldn’t want to miss knowing about. Don’t ever stop feeling the need to treat him as the parent you would want to be treated like. I also wouldn’t suggest keeping the babies from their dad. But if you are truly worried about their safety and well being, try to meet up in a public place with the kiddos. I would start the process for family court so that you can have visitation/shared custody structured and figured out. I had a clause put in my parenting plan for how we WERE NOT to be talking to each other and also that we could not use derogatory or negative words and comments about the other to our boys. It’s called “abuse use of conflict”. Get a plan laid out for how you would like it to look when presented in court. He can present his own. Everything else that doesn’t pertain to the kids…IGNORE…IGNORE IGNORE!! Document everything and save texts!!! Best of luck to all of you!! You absolutely got this!! You already conquered one of the hardest parts!!! Sending live and positive vibes your way!!! 
Tell him to grow a pair and grow up. If he still keeps up take him to court like these other people say… That sux to have to deal with
Document everything, sorry but don’t believe anything he tells you
Go to court, save any and all messages where he is talking bad about you, record your exchanges in front of the kids to show proof of how he treats you in front of them. Explain the situation with his friends and ask for supervised visitation. I don’t know how it works where you are, but here in ohio supervised visitation can be done at a court established place and supervised by CASA. Anything he says or does will then be documented for the courts and you do not have to interact with him.
Document, screenshot, go to court and go about it that way.
It’s best to let go, you need to get full custody of kids, yes it will be hard for the kids but better for you and them in the long run to not have that kind of negativity toward you, hugs .
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Sounds like you both are putting a load on your parents but yet you continue having kids. He completely sounds like a freeloader. Get a job. Teach your kids to be independent.
Get off FB get into a lawyer. You have more rights than you think. Stand your ground. Stand. Up for your children!
Definitely supervised visits if he really wants to see kids sometimes they use the kids to get back in your good graces then they will do the same thing over n over best to stay away from him n make a living for you n the babies without him
Document everything and file for full custody with supervised visitation. It protects you and your kids. If he really wants to be apart of their lives he will go through with the visitation. Being the break up is so fresh you are both hurt. With time things will settle down (most likely) and you’ll be able to change visitation terms.
He sounds very immature. I would take him to court and put him on supervised visitation or no visitation until he gets his crap together.
Co-parenting counseling. And get a custody order in place. Possibly a court ordered psych evaluation.
Go to court, get everything in writing and then only contact him when it’s about the kids.
You possibly need a lawyer so that you can get him on supervised visits until he can do a sassi evaluation and hair follicle and alcohol test… CPS will probably get involved. You did the right thing by leaving… Your kids will always come first… Good job…
Get court help. Don’t trust anything he says,he won’t change. Your kids come first, they and you deserve better. Praying for you
Document it, the name calling, the bad crowds, mention the raid etc, the judge will keep them away for you because that isn’t a healthy environment for the kids. Me and my ex husband split over a yr ago, started divorce in feb, I moved out in august and even during the divorce process while living together and both seeing someone else we were still civil- for the kids. I’m sure he has shit to say about me, and I could say a lot about him, but we don’t esp around the kids. My family says stuff once in awhile, and I just tell them not around the kids. They are entitled to their own opinion so I don’t defend my ex anymore, but I also don’t add to it, I just make sure the kids never hear any of the comments when they are occasionally made
If you have not gone to court do it asap, see if someone can be the go between to deal with anything to do with the children, do not text him at all, if he wants pictures of the kids then he can take his own. Also keep track of everything he texts you and what he says verbally, record him if you have to, speak to someone from your local law enforcement tell them what has been happening.
Oh and record his phone calls and conversations with him or his new chick, to protect yourself should he try to intimate you are unfit.
Yip court get full custody fk that narcissistic idiot
You don’t. Make him take you to court for visitation. If he’s verbally abusive to you, he will likely be to them. He is gaslighting you by trying to make you think that you have an issue and calling you crazy. He needs help. Stay with your parents. Protect your peace and focus on being the best mother you can be. Your body and mind are going through a major transition, and being abused during that time can have long-lasting traumatic damage.
For 1, I’m sorry you’re going through this - but if you plan to go to court and establish custody/parenting time, legally you can’t block him. You both need to be able to contact each other in case of an emergency. Regardless of your feelings toward each other.
And 2, when he says anything other than something pertaining to the child, ignore him! Don’t text back, don’t answer the calls, unless it’s clear he’s talking about the child. Keep the messages, and call logs. Any judge will make it clear that it needs to stop. On both ends. So make sure your text messages to him are not anything you wouldn’t say in front of the judge.
99%of custody agreements encourage positive relationships between mother and father to ensure positive relationships with the child. Even if he isn’t doing his part, be the better example for your kids. I know it is hard - It takes commitment - to yourself and your child - but once you stop entertaining the bs and make it clear your focus is the child he will either jump on board or not. That’s his choice. But you gotta take that first step
Leave that toxic shit behind. Kids or not. Do better.
You. Cant. Block him and get a restraining order. This will only get worse!!
Children shouldn’t be exposed to his toxic behavior. Don’t expose them to your response to his toxic tendencies and for their sake, don’t respond toxic back to their father in their presence. Protect the children, both of y’all need to put your children first and any heated discussions shouldn’t ever take place where they can witness & or hear.
And for the sake of these precious kids, never talk down and say mean and negative things about the other parent in front of or to these children. They’re impressionable little humans, keep your anger to yourself or express with ADULTS.
THEIR LIVES ARE ALREADY IN TURBULENCE
HELP THEM TO REMAIN KIDS, NOT PAWNS
Wow!! So many lines crossed!! First off you have done right by leaving! Secondly get a court order dont subject the kids to anymore trauma or risk of being involved in something not child friendly!! Thirdly…take a breath and figure out everything on paper! Keep notes times dates etc he has your kids of you continue to allow him…follow through with.a lawyer visit and personally he wouldnt be seeing them again until you have a custody agreement
To often we don’t get to know a person before we trust them.
This is what my social worker told me when my son was born. " YOU ARE NOT REQUIRED TO ACCOMODATE OR FACILITATE HIS VISITATION"
File for child support and just move on, ask the judge to order him to take parenting classes, and anger management classes, also child cpr. If necessary just get a restraining order. Just because he is ordered to pay child support does not mean he gets to see the kids, it just means he is helping to support his child(ren).
Your children’s safety comes first. He’s also mentally abusive so good for you for walking away.
Because of things like this, my ex is court ordered to only speak to me via a parenting app that stores all of our communication and he is only allowed to talk to be about things directly related to parenting our child. I asked the judge for this order and after seeing the texts/emails I had been receiving, he made the order with no hesitation.
Go to court and get visitation and child support set up. Try to get supervised visitation due to the company he keeps and the places where he goes. Also, have him told pointedly that bashing you in front of the kids is not ok. Supervised visitation should be set up.
Supervised visitation through the court
Well it sounds like the kids would be better off without being near him either! Get a restraining order for yourself and ask if he can see them with supervised visits! Don’t cave in HES an animal!! Save your kids now believe me,
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What part of him saying “he hoped I died” in front of your child do you not see as an advantage? he just handed you the victory if thats what your after, either you or any cheap attorney could kick that through the goalposts blindfolded
Prayers for you and your family. I pray you get help fast before you end up hurt and the children paying for it too. God bless you and your family along with your parents that you are staying with now. They don’t want to see their little girl hurt in any way
What does your individual therapist suggest? It sounds like you should just let the court determine his parenting schedule and stick to it
Keep a journal in ink, that you cant add different pages, keep all texts and have witnesses to any calls. Seek legal advice. YOU ARE STRONG praying 
for you
The 3yr old doesn’t understand that daddy is doing bad things and it’s your job to protect them, you don’t have to let him have the kids in order to spend time with him have him meet you at very public places like the park and do a picnic lunch so he can see his kids but as far as Co parenting. It’s obvious you’re going to have to be the decision maker and if he doesn’t like the rules you put in place then he can take it to a judge. Take notes of everything having to do with him cause you will need it in court. Save all text messages and print them out and don’t let him brow beat you into giving in. You are the very beginning of this awful process and you are still wounded so be on guard and don’t let your emotions get the best of you… Stay strong and you can get through this.
I wouldn’t want them around him at all. He sounds really messed up
Get child support.Go to yr local Child support office.Then ignore him. If he wants visitation he can go to court house a file for it.
You don’t, time to kick him to curb and move on! It’ll only get worse!
Document everything and take him to court and get supervised visits
You need a lawyer and have him to have supervised visits.
You did the right thing getting out of there. He sounds like he has anger issues and saying stuff like he hopes you die is so utterly childish it’s unbelievable. First and foremost, I’d make sure you have custody papers drawn up because this nut could take off with one or both of them being the father. Secondly, I know you realize he’s seeing someone else and that is why it’s such a big deal not to tell you who he was talking to. You probably know the person or he could just make up a name and you wouldn’t know the difference. Saying sorry was only to make himself feel better. Don’t keep contacting him, that only fuels the fire. Don’t meet up alone with him at all and tell him if he calls and starts the negative talk or insults you’re hanging up and do exactly that. Let him visit the kids with your supervision on your turf only….maybe like in your backyard or a park within walking distance. If he’s hanging with undesirables it’s only a matter of time before he’s caught up in something bad and you surely don’t want your kids there. FIRST….get those custody papers ASAP. Then heal, get on your feet and move on. This guy is not going to change and you nor your kids need or deserve this abuse. 
Sounds like you need an attorney and he should have supervised visits, maybe he needs to schedule his visits with a mediator so you’re not involved. Stop the drama!
Mediation/Court only way with hes abusive ways, that be best for all you and kiddies… stick to your guns keep your kiddies safe