My husband and I have 3 children, all girls. An 8 year and and twins that are 4 months old. We both work, both foot the bill. So it’s not that. Maybe I’m the crazy one but I possibly may want another baby in a few years (may or may not) but he absolutely without a doubt does not want anymore kids. Even if one were to be a boy lol he says absolutely not. How do i deal with that?? I know it’s not fair to decide this for him if he doesn’t want that but I feel it’s also unfair to me to take that from me as well. I always wanted a big family and never had siblings. I LOVE the size of our family as he also does and is an excellent dad. I get it, I have 3 but I just don’t want to close the door completely.I feel this should be a mutual agreement but I can’t agree to say absolutely no more and he can’t compromise to even say maybe. This is years looking ahead, “he may change his mind” but no he really won’t. He’s done. I just don’t know how to deal with that. I feel he’s taking that away from me by making my decisions for me
If you have two twins that are 4 months old, now is not the time to be asking a man about having more children. What is he taking away from you? He gave you 3 children. He’s not making your decision. He’s making his decision. If you are currently nagging him about it, while having to care for three kids and work, there’s a greater chance that you’ll be the reason why he doesn’t want another child.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How do I cope with my husband not wanting another baby?
Be happy with what you’ve got
You JUST had TWINS. Give the man a break. My husband and I won’t even talk about another until our first is over a year. You’re still in survival mode at four months and I can’t even imagine having twins. Give it time. You both might change your minds many times over. Enjoy the littles.
he doesn’t have to compromise and say maybe. if he says he’s done then he’s done and that’s completely ok. you should compromise and be ok with that.
also to add, it isn’t just your decision… it’s is infact both of yours. you should never force someone to have a child.
We have twin boy’s and I want another and my husband doesn’t. I just said OK and I remember that I’m happy and I have a family. Even though you have other children as a twin mom it’s another level having twins. Wait until they’re 3 and rethink it.
If your twins are only 4 months old that’s probably why he’s feeling this way just wait a few years and bring it up once the babies are older. He might have a change of heart. Maybe not. But asking him right after you had twins would throw any man off. Don’t over think yourself
I’d say wait til the twins are running around and then see. Things can change naturally so maybe. But perhaps putting on a five year plan to revisit will help both of you communicate about it
3 kids is enough. I’m with him. And yall just had twins. No ma’am
Sometimes ppl change…he might want one and u might not…enjoy the ones you have atthe moment
You feel like he’s taking away from you when he’s gave you 3? He might know he can mentally handle 3 and doesn’t want to keep starting over. What if you COULDNT have kids after 3 and he wanted some and it was a deal breaker for him? Just imagine the other foot. Or leave and go to someone else who might give you what you want, but be half the man.
He’s not taking anything from you. He’s got three kids, and doesn’t want anymore. Everyone is allowed to change their mind at some point, three obviously is enough for him.
If it’s that big of an issue then walk away, or spend however many years waiting for him to change his mind.
id wait a little bit then talk about it again but wait lol
If that’s your line, that’s your line and you can leave and find a man that can give you what you want. Years of bitterness and resentment is never a good thing.
Yikes I see why he doesn’t lol 3 is a handful and expensive
You already have kids. Let it be.
Give it some time your twins are only 4 months old. His brain is wrapped in 2 babies right now. Give it a bit
Honestly, he’s probably afraid that “one more” will turn into another set of twins, taking you from 3 to 5 instead. That is a scary thought lol
The babies are only 4 months old. Time changes many things. Agree to revisit it when their older.
I guess it would depend on your age and his. But 3 now days is kinda big. Don’t put to much on yourself or him. He may change his mind later on, or you may your self. Your hormones are still up in the air right now, so I would let it go and enjoy what you have.
And it’s not fair to him to have another baby when he clearly doesn’t want one. If the man says no, respect it. An if it means that much to you then divorce and find another man that will have your 4th baby with you. Might be your hormones. Give your body time to relax and let them grow up a bit. Maybe you might rethink it. Lol coming from someone who has three kids. Whole different ball game baby.
You literally just had twins wtf. 3 kids is enough. Honestly I have no idea why anyone would keep wanting to bring children into this world. It’s fcked.
So divorce him and marry someone else. Don’t make him miserable because you want want, and he don’t.
He is deciding for u and u should tell him that and demand it be open ended until u are ready to make a final decision, there are two of you so……
Honestly either let it be or move on and find someone who wants kids later on he can’t make you change your mind and you can’t make him that’s the only choice you have is to leave him or accept the fact that you may not have another kid
I always dreamed of having three or four kids. After our daughter was born my husband said he didn’t want anymore but mostly because of his age. So we compromised and he lets me get all the dogs I want. Which actually works for me!
Respect his wishes too. Maybe he doesn’t want to divide his attention further with another child, you have twins already which is alot too, and they are young. Soaks up these moments that you already have. With pregnancy there is risk to you, and the babies. There is always a fear of heart break with loss if life or severe medical issues, etc. Maybe he is trying to avoid any heartache. Depending on his own age he is planning for his retirement and wanting time for you and him. Maybe talk to him and hear him out. Im sure he has answers. Having kids is a huge commitment and sacrifice too. He’s divided his time 3 ways with the kids and one more way with you. Then work, friends, family, hobbies, etc. Rising cost of inflation, national instability, the world is a mess right now. I don’t blame him for not wanting to bring more kids into this messed up society. Respect his wishes too.
I wouldn’t push it. What if he favours the older kids and resents the youngest? That’s not right.
Sadly, my hubby thought the same. 3 girls as well. I finally agreed to a vasectomy. About 8 years later, he changed his mind. “I wish I wouldn’t have gotten a vasectomy. I kinda would like to try for a boy now. Should’ve listened to you, I guess”. Just don’t do anything permanent quite yet. I didn’t think he’d energy change his mind either. He was adamant and one of the most stubborn humans I have ever met. Good luck.
If he’s done and you want to stay in the marriage then you need to accept it and move on. You may need to speak with a counselor to help you move past this. It’s it’s a must for you then you need to leave and find someone who wants more children but also accepts and promotes a healthy coparenting relationship.
Since it’s a decision that is down the road things may change…everyone changes as they grow you can’t escape that! I was told how life and taste and wants change when I was in my 30’s…it was advice I never forgot…and it was so true! Never say never!!! And you yourself may change as kids grow get into school and functions…you may say I’m at my full point!! Just enjoy your babies right now you’re still post partum right now
I don’t understand how you can be caring for 4m old twins and even consider having more right now
My husband was done after 2. He didn’t want anymore. We now have 4. You never what the future will hold. You have 2 babies now maybe hes just overwhelmed.
You say it’s not fair but it’s is it fair to him that he doesn’t want another child and you do I think you are being very rude you already have three be happy with what God gave you and don’t be greedy
Be happy with what you got. I would do anything to be in your shoes. I have a daughter and I just miscarried a couple weeks ago and had a D&C done on Friday. And hearing you complain about 3 kids not being enough hurts my heart!
Maybe heal your body and mind after carrying twins. Don’t fret on this right now. Things change.
I wish I had beneficial information to say but just hang in there and I hope he changes his mind to at least come to a compromise
revisit when your twins are older hun
Just concentrate on the kids you have instead of a baby you may or may not want
A lot of it is probably the odds of having twins again. The chances of having a set of twins after already having a set of twins are pretty high. It was one of my main deciding factors in getting my tubes tied because there is absolutely no way anyone could convince me to deal with two newborns at the same time again.
If there really truly is no chance of changing his mind than u got to make a difficult choice. What do u want more? Ur marriage or baby. It’s a horrible decision to make but in reality those are the only choices.
You are not considering his feelings about this.
Without sounding like a complete b*tch here…I think it’s just your hormones talking rn. Also marriage and relationships are all about compromise…you can’t win all the time…your man has a right to his feelings on the matter as do you, but the real question is is this a deal breaker for you? I think he’s being responsible with his feelings and you should respect them
You just had twins 4 months ago. It isn’t surprising that he is saying that he doesn’t want anymore kids, he’s prob exhausted… If you don’t want another for maybe a few years don’t make it a big issue now… No offence but you’re sounding irrational, let things settle down before pushing for more kids.
Did you all discuss this before marriage?
You either have to accept and move on with the family you have, or leave him, if your desire for another baby is that great.
If he truly doesn’t want anymore kids then I wouldn’t push him to have more or you may end up as a single mother because of it. And if you keep pushing the subject he may go behind your back and get a vasectomy and not tell you. You have to pick your battles.
You just had twins an your body / hormones haven’t even went to normal yet . Personally I think with your twins being only 4 months old it’s far too early to be trying to discuss this with him , wait until your twins are 2-3 years old then revisit it and discuss . I mean I can see where your coming from but it’s also a lot on a man & especially since you have two infants now at home . Some people can never have kids , please keep that in mind and be grateful for what you do have . Give him a break , you have 3 an just had 2 a couple months ago … it’s a lot on your partner too not just you.
You don’t tell the woman to get a divorce and have a baby with another man in God’s eyes a woman is supposed to obey her husband so I think you should obey your husband
And you are taking his decision and choice from him… this is selfish. If it’s not a mutual agreement on a maybe then let it go. His mind could change but you complaining and whining that it’s being taken from you…. Turn it around for him… you are taking his No and basically saying well that’s not fair. But if he did that to you and you didn’t want anymore but wouldn’t shut up about wanting more you would be looking for the same reactions… it’s your body blah blah blah. Stop being selfish. You are married…. You have kids…. If you want more and he doesn’t then divorce and find someone that does respect your husbands choice like you would want yours respected
So hears the thing. He knows he (for whatever reason) dosen’t want any more. Its a good thing to know what you want. Especially when it comes to having kids.
Because your so uncertain about wanting more kids. I’d put this topic on the back burner for know and focus on what’s right in front of you.
But here you are trying to make the decision for him.
Before getting with someone yall gotta learn to talk about family and how yah wanna raise em. To many just do it then get upset when not on the same page.
I think it is easier to cope with not adding to your family rather than add one who isn’t wanted by you both
At four months, it’s not really something I’d be thinking about. Too much going on. I was going to get my tubes tied the last time, but the situation changed. This time I asked for a year to be really sure. Give it time, give your body time to heal, give hormones a chance to settle, get used to the current situation and then talk about it.
Your twins are 4 months old. Let them grow. Things will change
I say, you just had twins 4 months ago. He may find it a bit overwhelming right now…Give him time to process the fact that yous went from 1 kid to 3….It may change in time
I’m thinking you should have talked about that before you got married and had kids at all.
I wish I had what you had. I am a single mother to my daughter have zero help. I wanted that family life have more children and get married. Instead I got cheated on and betrayed now I am happy with my daughter because I learnt to accept what I have not what I don’t have xx
Give it time. You just had twins and they are little. He may or may not change his mind.
You have three kids, it’s not like he said no to any kids. Sounds one step away from faking her birth control. Yikes
Oh Look It’s a Bunch of Red Flags Sewn into the Shape of a Person
Ummmmm most men won’t want a baby in the midst of 4 month old TWINS
It’d hard you have to decide what’s more important to you another baby or keeping your marriage wants n need equal from both sides n communication. And one thing my moms always told me is a baby will make or break a marriage n she ain’t kidding , I me n hubby 15 years together only one daughter I wanted 3 children ,he dosnt even want one more he’s done , took me about 4 1/2 years for.me to realise that I also have to respect his wishes alongside with mine even if that means I only get one child, I won’t force coerce or do anything to change his mind if he did on his own great baby time but if not it’s just something I myself have to come.to terms n deal, thinking about u I know exactly how u feel thank God I got.my one n only Lil girl
He always said he wanted more than one kid to , and that was a big factor is being with him has to love family
He also has a choice, it’s not only your choice
See how yous get on with the children you have and he might change his mind for they’re not babies forever and also could be money or once the children have grown up make that your time for eachother so many different angles to this
Honestly in this day in age, I’ve got 2 and that’s plenty and you’ve got even 1 more than that!!! I agree focus on the kiddos you’ve got!!! Maybe down the road things “could” change esp since you have 4 month old twins!!!
Put a huge pin on that. Right now is not the time to bring up more kids with the twins you just birthed. Having a new baby changes the whole dynamic of a house hold, so imagine 2! Let the man adjust. Just because you’re ready does not mean he is. Put yourself in his shoes for a second. The fact that you would like more children leads me to believe that he is an involved father so I highly doubt you will break up your family if he stays firm. Revisit this conversation in a couple of years and if he still says no then go get counseling. Two things will kill marriage, unmet expectations and resentment. So for now, enjoy the babies (congrats!) and don’t hurt your own feelings about a future that is not yet here. Give your womblands a little rest and revisit the topic at a later time but enjoy the present.
If he is done he will get a vasectomy. Short of that, he isn’t that serious
My husband got a vasectomy after our youngest was born he was completely done and at first I was upset bc I wanted more, but now that my daughter is almost 2 years old I’m glad that we are done… I have changed to I don’t want anymore I still get baby fever sometimes it doesn’t last long lol my kids are 8, 4 1/2 and 16 months old
It’s a personal choice. If I didn’t want more children I wouldn’t want to be talked into it. Maybe don’t put pressure on him especially since you have twins that are just 4 months old. If he comes around great but if not it’s his right to chose just like us.
Maybe rather than worrying about what may or not have, focus on what you actually have. Enjoy the time with the children you have now. Don’t find ways to argue with your husband about more children…he probably feels overwhelmed right now and having twins can be a lot of work.
He’s made that choice for himself so u need to respect that
I mean some people just dont want a big family and that is okay. 3 is a perfectly good size family to be honest with you. I mean one more WOULD make it even lol but you can always adopt down the line too.
He has a choice also.,the choice you want to make is another lifelong commitment, his isn’t…
Geez, count your blessings.In the scope of the universe you have it all. It’s not even a problem yet, you trying to pick a fight that’s not there
Put the conversation on a shelf and enjoy the 4 month twins you have. You don’t even know for fact that you yourself want one more. Let him adjust, and he might be more open later.
I have 5
After 3 it’s crazy town girlfriend
Some people can’t have any! I got lucky with 1 you have 3 your blessed.
I thought this too then they got older and my hormones balanced out now nope
A lot of people say, it’s not a good idea to make any type of big decisions the first year postpartum. You’re totally hormonal.
After I had my third, which was my husbands second, I thought he was done. I was basically done too, I got rid of all the baby stuff except for a few chairs I was going to donate. Next thing I know, he was like “well I want one more” Like totally out of left field. So, I really would just let it go at this point, because you never know.
Wait till your twins are toddlers you might want to change your mind haha
He’s not taking nothing from you, he’s simply making a decision based on his feelings. You don’t have the right to take his right away to not have more kids. He should get a vasectomy (20-30 min office procedure w/local anesthetic) and if years later he changes his mind he can reverse it.
The babies are 4 months… give him some time
How do you deal with it? You just do. “Baby fever” is normal after you give birth. Your hormones are still trying to level out. You might feel completely different when your twins hit 2-3 yrs old. You don’t have to process this all right now.
Why would he compromise and tell you “maybe”? 1. There is no compromise on kids. Someone will end up resentful. 2. Why would you want him to lie and string you along with a “maybe”?
Sounds like your hormones aren’t settled yet after the twins.
Unfortunately I think you just have to accept it or leave and try to meet someone else to have more children with. I can understand that being an only child sometimes makes us want to make our family bigger I too was an only child. At least he’s being honest and not stringing you along saying “maybe later”. If you are happy together otherwise I’d try and make it work and just enjoy the children you have. Good luck
We have 2 boys. I put my foot down when my husband wanted more kids. He grumbled about it but he doesn’t bother me anymore. I had an ectopic pregnancy in December 2020. I took it as a sign that I’m not supposed to have anymore kids. People always pester us about trying for a girl but I always say no. Mentally, physically, and emotionally I’m exhausted. I’d say respect your husband’s wishes and realize you already have a beautiful family.
My husband said no more after our 2nd was born, he went and got a vasectomy 6 months after she was born! I was saddened vy it for the longest time as I wanted at least 4 children.
Now our kids are 13, and 18 and I’m happy with his decision.
He is making his decision. You can either accept his choice and stay or leave and have more kids with someone else. Those are really your only options here.
Sounds like he has made his mind up and you’re wishy-washy but you come here wanting advice on coercing him to your wishy-washy side
JFC just stop at 3
Practical side, after 3 your options in vehicles drastically decrease.
Be blessed to have your babies some women only dream to have what you have.
Any energy, money, Love, attention, belongs to the family you already have.
Honey you just had twins that are 4 months old, that’s the farthest thing from his mind right now lol. I wouldn’t bother him with it too much right now. Not to mention your hormones are all over the plajce right now too so give yourself a little time. His mind may very well change over time but to pressure him when he literally has almost newborns isn’t the right time. Life always has a funny way of happening.
this is a conversation that should have been had prior to marriage or having the first child that would avoid problems like this
Just wait, things can change in a few years
Wait until you want the baby and then bring it up again. If he says absolutely not, say that you refuse to take any contraceptive as its your body, your right. And say give it another year and if he still won’t change his mind, tell him that’s fine, and maybe go with a sperm donor. Tell him he has the choice to not be a parent again but it’s your ight to want another baby, with or without his help.
4 months twins probably not the best time to ask your husband to try again lol wait a year once u got your 3 kids routine down then bring it up again.
4 month old twins let your hormones settle when your twins are two and running you ragged you will see enough is enough. God bless
Doesn’t sound like your considering his feelings at all during this…sounds like you only care about your own. 3 kids is good… If you wanted a bigger family then you should of found someone who wants the same instead of basically expecting you husband to change his mond to please you. You think he’s taking that right from you but it’s like your trying to take HIS choice away from him.