How do I deal with struggling to fit in with other moms/parents at my son’s school?

A little bit of background for you, my son goes to an elite private school in one of the wealthiest towns in our state. He goes there on practically full financial aid because I’m not wealthy by any means. We put him in this school because we want the best education for him and it is truly an amazing school/community! I had my son young at 20 years old, he’s in 2nd grade now. Well I feel like an outcast parent in his school not only because I’m younger than the rest of the parents but because they are all multi millionaires/stay at home moms and i work well.. in a restaurant. I feel so excluded from everything. They even forget to copy me in the school class emails half the time which is organized by the other parents. Whenever i go to events for my son and his friends, none of the moms talk to me even if i try. I’ll try to socialize and end up being “ignored” and kind of filtered out of everyone’s conversations. I was a single mom for a long time so i am used to doing things on my own with my son but for some reason this really hurts my feelings and i even find myself crying over not fitting in with my son’s friends’ parents. Not only am i younger, but i just don’t have the money they have, we don’t share similar interests/schedules. I work so much that i don’t have the time to be as involved as all these other SAHM’s. It really is a blow and on top of it now I get anxiety and don’t even want to go to events where the other parents are present knowing I’m going to be alone and awkward. It breaks my heart because those are my son’s friends and he has no problem fitting in yet i do. I’ve said hi and get ignored… i’ve even got glared at by some. I feel this pressure to be social with them for the sake of my son but it’s just really something i don’t enjoy and want to be a part of although I’ve tried in the past. I feel judged and lonely. What can I do?
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You can’t do anything. They’re not interested in being friends with you. Just be thankful you’re able to send your kid to that school.

Don’t let their attitudes ruin yours. They are not worth it. Live in the moment with your son. Attend his events, hold your head high and be proud of who you are. When you look back on his childhood memories you don’t want them dimmed by your anxieties. Trust me. :heart_eyes:

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How do I deal with struggling to fit in with other moms/parents at my son’s school?

Ignore them. Go to things for your son only. You dont need to fit in or be like anyone else. Don’t try to communicate with anybody, stay in your own little bubble and cheer on your kid! No sense in putting in effort if its not wanted or needed. :woman_shrugging: let them do them. You do you for you and your kid. Thats what works best. They sound like miserable snobs.

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You have your son in that school so he can get a good education. So enjoy what he is doing. We can’t make people like or include us and the more you try the worse it will be for you. I’ve seen this happen alot. God Bless you.

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Go for your child and keep the focus on him while at events and ignore them. Years ago I searched for the best schools for my kids and found them in little podunk farming towns. We now live in a place much like you describe but people are not snobby and while they act as if the schools are the best because of all the money they really are not. They are very good at hiding that fact. If mommy isn’t happy no one is happy! Move to a place you feel like you both fit in and have good schools.

I always stand tall, head high, look them in the eye. I assume u have heard of resting bitch face. Well according to my son, I have ‘fuck off’ on my forehead and sometimes I get reminded not to look like that in happy events. :joy:. It is the one thing I have. Ignore them. Channel your forehead to blaze in neon lights a phrase like… Fuck off. Leave me the hell alone. You will be surprised. Or wear sunnies. I love my sunnies. Stare off into the distance. Contact the teacher for emails. Find other ways to get info rather than The other mums.

I feel for you, however those people are shallow and not worth wasting your breath over. Take a friend along so you are not alone and can still enjoy watching your kid Excell. Just be yourself, anxiety creeps in when you are not being true to yourself. You are making the sacrifice for your son. Well done.

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you don’t have to fit in!:slight_smile: you have to stand out. & do your own thing.

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I’m sorry you feel lonely and awkward. That is really hard.

Sometimes, when I feel uncomfortable around other adults (in any setting, for any reason: whether it’s a “me problem” like social anxiety or feeling like I don’t fit in or something, or a “them problem”, whatever that may be), I will turn my focus and attention to the kids. Kids are fun and joyous. They so crave the attention of an adult, any adult, regardless of how much attention they get; it could never be enough, ha! I’ve made it through many different events by doing this, and not only is it much less stressful and more enjoyable for me, but it’s often a better experience for my kid(s) and, I imagine, other kids too.

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your head should be higher than them snotty nose women. you actually work and work hard for your money don’t let them make you feel less or uncomfortable

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Could it be that you’re not approachable? Maybe you look mean?

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Don’t give a rats ass about them. You’re his mommy and that’s all that matters. And as far as you working in a restaurant that’s an honest wage be proud that you’re working and taking care of your child

Don’t dim your light for no one, always shine bright.
So my oldest joined the 7th grade volleyball team and I get all kinds of stares and glares because i am the only parent cheering for the girls but I’m not going to ever stop. My kid told me i am the only supportive parent and that’s what matters.

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You don’t have to fit in. Ignore them. Just because they have money or are sahm doesn’t mean they’re better than you, and you don’t need to lower yourself to fit in with them. Those events are for your child not them, that’s where your focus should remain and enjoy it.

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When my kids had any sporting events or school programs I just stayed to myself and cheered my kids on. I didn’t want to be friends with or socialize with the other parents. I let my kids know I was there and that’s all that mattered to me and my kids.

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If they want to have a stick up their butt, let them. Just be there for your baby. He’s all that matters.

Hold your head up high. Smile and say good morning as you walk on past them.
They are sad ignorant people who don’t deserve to know you. Keep on doing you and be proud of who you are

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Hold.your head up high you are the better one !!!

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Always remember, they put their pants on just like everyone else, one leg at a time!

They’re not your tribe.forget about them and stand alone

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I would recommend you to not fit in but to stand out!:two_hearts:
I never fit in but I stand out! It’s not like you would not notice me when I am around! :joy::joy::joy: I usually say that you don’t see me (I’m tiny) but you hear me!:joy::joy::joy: Talking non stop!
Maybe you think that these families are perfect and successful. But no family is perfect. All families have skeletons in their wardrobes. You just need to dig hard enough. And no one is successful on all levels. The dark numbers of abuse in the wealthier families is sky high. :flushed: The shame if any thing got out…
Now you are a strong struggling mother. Be proud of your self and hold your head high.:two_hearts::raised_hands:

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If they make you feel this insecure by not including you imagine how insecure you’d feel in a friendship with people so shallow. My heart breaks for you because I KNOW how you feel but your people will come along, just not where you expect them

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U don.t b ur self .do not try to change for otbers

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Stand there proud your as good as anyone else there

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My daughter goes to private school.
All the mom’s are driving brand-new Tahoe’s and Suburbans…
Me on the other hand, I’m a convicted felon with tattoos and driving a 2008 Ford Expedition.
You can’t care so much about what they think. They will never think you’re good enough but if you let it get to you, your son will start to let it get to him.

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Why would you ever want to fit in or hang out with rude, obnoxious people like that anyway? Personally, I’d be grateful that I could attend school events without taking part in the fake interactions of shallow people. Sounds like you dodged a bullet to me!

You need to watch American Housewife…

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Just remember this isnt for you it’s for your son , to be there for him you dont have to talk to other parents. I have a daughter in drama and definitely dont fit in with the moms I just tell myself this is for my daughter !

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I think Dhar Mann needs to be called because this is not right for them treating you this way. Mama you got this remember your not there for them your there for your son. God bless y’all always. Prayers :pray::pray::pray: for you and your son and sons School.

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Stand strong even if it’s just you. You don’t want those snobby b$&@&)s as your tribe. Volunteer when you can and know your doing it for your son. My husband and I are in the same position but because we are 15 to 20 years older then the other parents in our sons class. One has been known to always call me his Grandma when she knows damn well I am his mother! Don’t let their petty actions get you down! Be positive and strong i

Hold your head high . Be there for your son , that’s all that matters .

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Screw them, prissy rich folks with high standards who think they’re better than everyone else get on my nerves…
Please don’t let them get to you, they are not worth it…
Just do the events for your son & remember it’s for him… find your people and you will…
I would not want to be friends with snobs, I’d slap them or just burp loud in front of them to really give them something to talk about…
You sound like a really nice/sweet person, you don’t need them mama

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Hold your head up high and show them it doesn’t bother you. Don’t let it tbh they don’t sound like people you would want as “friends” anyway! Just remember you are doing great. And doing the best you can for your son. That’s all that matters. X

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If you feel this way , how is your kid going to feel once these kids sees hes not the rich kid like them…they to will make him feel just like you are feeling now…

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There is a huge difference between being classy and having money. Sadly these women seem to be lacking class. If you’re brought up properly then you treat everyone well irrespective of age or money. You have clearly been brought up well so cannot understand why these parents are so ill-bred. Also ask yourself if you need total Karens as friends. No. Hopefully over time, you’ll find the odd friendly face. One problem I used to have is being mistaken for the nanny. Snobby people used to think me inappropriate for talking because they saw me as “staff”. They might thaw when they realise you’re Mum but honestly do you want to spend time with people who treat a Nanny like that either?

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Why would you want to be friends or be included with people who don’t seem to like you? This is not a reflection on you at all… it’s them! Maybe try and make some friends elsewhere.

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Can you bring a friend to any of these things?

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Remember you aren’t there to make friends, you’re there for your son.

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You don’t want them as friends if they are crappy people . Money isn’t everything ; it’s what’s inside that counts. Get involved and don’t worry about those snooty ladies . You will find friends :slightly_smiling_face: Your doing awesome mama and I am so happy your son is doing well:) Find your real friends. It will all be ok:) and don’t forget. Who cares what they think! It’s about your son:)

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Take a bestie, SO, neighbor, coworker with you. Bless their hearts for treating you this way, but eff’m!

People suck. I’m so sorry to hear this. Just keep taking the high road.

Their noses are high but you can hold your head higher. You’re there for your sons education and future and that’s all it has to be about , you and him. Completely filter out the background noise and faces.

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You have one thing they’ll never have. Youth and freedom from a man. They’ll never have that. Live your best life

I went through the same thing. But I didn’t care as much. Yeah it’s hard seeing what they had but I was there with them. That was success all on it’s on. Run your on race girl !

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My oldest started doing karate last month. Everyone in there knows everyone and none of them go to her school, except one. But the majority go to the school not far from where she does karate. I hear them talk all the time about pta meetings, this that and the other. Im not that kinda mom! I would rather be by myself than be surrounded by fake people. I only know a couple moms from the school my oldest goes to but thats only because i had my oldest so late and we dont even talk about school stuff.

I have never fit in with the moms at my kids school nor have I ever tried and they go to public. If you have to try to fit in with people then they aren’t meant to be your friends….you should be accepted for who you are

Money means nothing…if they think they are better than you let them think that…
You are going for your son…you be proud of yourself because you are actually out working to raise and support your child…most of them probably inherited the money they have and dont know what work is…You walk in to them events with your head held high…you are just as good as they are…be proud of the person you are and the good mommy you are to your son.They’res not a person on this earth that’s better than you…Remember that…:wink:

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I have dealt w this. I had my son very young 18 when I would go to school stuff no one would talk to me. The other moms would just kinda stare at me and stuck their noses up. Lol u have to remember this is for ur kid the hell w everyone else. Take someone w u when u go to the school events . A friend a partner a grandma just someone . That helped me to have another freind w me . My spouse is also 13 yrs older than me so when I would bring him I would it would be worse . Especially from women in their late 30s. One time at meet the teacher someone my hubby went to highschool w was there w her kid. Our kids were in same class. She thought I was his daughter. It was very embarrassing. I was 22 and he was 35. He was not my child’s father. I divorced the other guy we were married a few days after I tuned 18. The bigger question here is how are children and staff treating ur child? If they r doing this to u what is going on at school? I would definitely be talking to my kid if I was u. If everything is ok then act like it doesn’t bother u. Ive learned over the years to kill them w kindness. That gets them more than an eye roll or them seeing it’s getting to u. Just smile and say have a nice day. Use plz and ty and yes mam and yes sir. Just be very polite and kind. So when they r talking AB u it makes them look bad bc u are so nice and kind. I’m 33 now and it has changed . It’s not as bad as it was. It’s ur age. I was the youngest mom in the classroom every year. When I tell ppl the 16 yr old 6’4 boy is my son no one believes me lol. Look at the bright side ten years from now and they all look like old u won’t. Lol

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The song “Harper Valley PTA” immediately comes to mind while reading your story. If you’ve never listened to it, look it up.

Best advice is continue to do what you’re doing for your son and ignore the snooty people in the room. Even if you had the same social class and liked the same things, would you treat others the way they are treating you? Sounds like you would be much nicer and respectful of others.

Don’t beat yourself up trying to fit in with a bunch of assholes- there will always be judges.

You be your own jury, show them how it’s done, be proud of yourself and hold your head up high!

Ew. Why would you want to fit in with people that treat others like that?

Be happy that you aren’t one of them.

Hold your head high and show your son that you need to be proud of what you have and what you worked for. :two_hearts:

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I felt like that at my sons private school from 1yr-5yrs. It was prek, but the parents and even some teachers were that way. I always felt so awkward dropping my human off in my shittier car than everyone else. Eventually I didnt give a shit. So you should honestly try not to give a shit. Good for you, having him in that kind of school, I wish I could have continued paying for private school for my son. I’ve seriously learned though, those arent your people. Why would you want to associate yourself with pretentious know it all wanna be house wives of Ohio ass judgmental Karen’s? Nah. You’re better that that. Just do what you have to do, and leave them out of it.

Be thankful ur not them!!!

U sound a really lovely person…
Sod them

Why would u want to be part of their groups???

They sound bloody awful…

Carry on saying hi with a smile on ur beautiful face… hold ur head up high…

They may have all the dollars in their bank accounts that are supplied by their husbands… but u are way richer than they will ever be…

Be proud of urself … u are working ur butt off for ur boy… to me and any other decent human being…

U are well above the lot of those snooty old bags…

Well done u… u rock :+1::muscle::smiling_face_with_three_hearts::heart:

Money aside for a second, if you don’t have similar interests or schedules, then how would a symbiotic friendship work between you and these women anyway? You don’t need anyone’s approval. You are busting your behind caring for your child and giving them all the advantages in life that you can. I would just be cordial, but brief with these people and go about your day.

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I dealt with the bs at public school. Being a young single mom is just hard period. Will always be those snubby moms looking down on you. Don’t let no one make you feel less than. You don’t have to be rich and have a husband to be a great mom. I always made my mom come with me to school events and field trips so I wasn’t alone and I refused to not be there for my kids because of rude adults. I would make sure your child isn’t receiving the same treatment tho, kids can be so cruel.

Honestly F.U.C.K them obviously you’re better than them. Bring a friend with you and you guys can be his biggest supporter at whatever event going on.

Ya I was fat when I was young always got treated like this

Trust me, rich people suck! This is the absolute worst crowd to try to befriend. Most poor are literally talking about eating this group of the most hated people on the planet! You are missing out on nothing!

So sorry these women are hurting your heart. Know that you are a child of God. You really need no one else. Continue to be kind to them. You could confront them. Asking them point blank why they don’t like you or if you have some how done something to upset them. I have done that along with saying if I have done something to offend anyone I am truly sorry. That you don’t expect to have any best friends in the group that you are all there because you want the best education for your kids. Don’t stress your son fits in and is doing well. That is truly what counts. Praying for you momma :heart:

Why would you want to fit in with a bunch of nasty women like that? It’s not worth it. And this is about your sons experience at that school… So focus on that. Sounds like he’s going to need your support as I’m sure a lot of those kids act just like the jerks they’re being raised by.

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Why try to fit in you don’t their approval do what you must for your son and that’s it they can go to hell u don’t money to be good enough u sound like a great mom so forget about them u don’t need friends move on girl

I say call them out on it

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Start addressing them by name… “hi Susan”, “can I help you with anything Michelle” etc. That way it’s directed at someone specific instead of a group of them. Honestly though, I know their children are your sons friends, but you don’t have to be friends with them. I wouldn’t wanna be friends with uppity snobby people, even if my kids were friends with their kids.

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I used to go to school events with my sister when my niece and nephew were little because we’re both shy and awkward lol. Do you have a sister or good friend who can go with you?

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I had my daughter when I was 16 and I put her in a private Christian school when she was 5 and it was like I didn’t exist but I really didn’t mind because my daughter loved her school and I loved her teacher so that’s all that matters!

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You are being judged, so accept that. Over half these wives’ husbands are probably cheating on them with someone just like you anyway…mid 20’s and taking you work in the restaurant business, I’m gonna guess you’re attractive. So there’s that judgy jealousy. Look, go to the events, keep to yourself and focus on your son. The more you try to socialize with them, the more power it gives them to be assholes.
But to be real…it doesn’t matter if this is the best school in the world for your son. Once these kids get older and start comparing more, your son is going to feel the pressure. At that point, the best education doesn’t mean anything because then he’s going to go through mental/emotional issues. Education and socialization go hand in hand. My advice…find a school that you all fit in. There are children going to public schools that thrive because there are different cultures/financial status, which is also educational for the real world- and you can have a chance to feel more involved. These are not your people…and these are not people I would want my kid growing up with either.
Best of luck momma…I know you’re hurting…just focus on your family and do you.

Lol I’d honestly be happy.

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I had the opposite problem. I was 32 when I had my last child. Military families are usually younger.

Stop trying to “fit in”. Also, it’s none of their business how your son’s education is being paid for and how would they even know? Also how would you know they are millionaires or whatever because that’s not really your business either. I know it’s over said but truly the grass isn’t always greener. If you can’t be happy ‘poor’ you’re not going to be truly happy rich. I don’t think having money is what makes you fit in. These women probably have known each other for a while and really just don’t know you and may not be trying to hurt your feelings intentionally. If y’all have nothing in common honestly I wouldn’t even try to push a friendship or whatever it is you’re looking for. Some people just simply will never click. You’re there for your son not for them or their approval. If it is bothering you THAT bad maybe try to reach out to them individually via FB or try to have a one on one conversation with them at events vs trying to speak to an entire group at once. I know how it feels to be excluded it sucks but don’t let that stop you from showing up and supporting your son because in the end that’s what is most important. Stick with your real friends. Don’t let them make you feel any less of a person.

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This is sad to read but the problem is with them !! Go and enjoy your sons achievements !!
With a smile :blush:

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Think about when you were in high school, they are basically doing the same thing as the popular kids. Keep your chin up, ignore them. Remember it is not you, it is them. They are entitled. Be glad you don’t fit in.

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They sound like awful people. Most extremely rich ppl are. They snub the working class. These ladies are mostly really just lucky they married a hard working man to support them. They are nothing special. Why would you want to talk to them at all? Just be you’re nicest self and ignore them. My oldest child is 14 and not ever once have I conversed with any other parents or made friends with them in his small school. When I go to school functions I don’t see any need at all to be social with ppl that I don’t know. Polite yes but not social. Don’t let these adult mean girls treat you like that. Wow. Just be polite and don’t even try with them anymore. Also I’d say hey did you need my email address? I see you left me out of the email list again. And just smile and say thank you. What terrible people.

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I wouldn’t care about those other moms. But why in the world would you want your child around people like that. Money education yes our great and essential but in the end it is how we treat others.

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Listen honey “fuck em” We are all the same on the inside. “Just smile “
You really don’t want to worry about people who do not worry about you.

Bring your own plus 1 and have a good time crashing their event. I’d be really working with my kiddo to explain elite behaviors he sees to help him stay grounded in the real world. His life expectations as he gets older will be of the Haves that may cause a lot of hurt as a Have Not. You’re already feeling it now as a Have Not, but his everyday friends and role models are Haves. In the end, where excellent academically for your son, the school community could cause more harm than good.

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Your looking at this all wrong, if you believe in the riches of being a good, kind, and tolerant soul then you are the wealthy one and they are bankrupt, never forget how naked and broke we are when we’re born and when we die and move on, the only thing we take with us is the love or hate we have created while here

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Maybe because I am probably quite a bit older but I wouldn’t care about fitting in, especially with that type of clique. Too old for that bs, and if people don’t like it or accept you oh well

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Don’t let anyone change who you are!!!

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I would take a friend with me to school things. That way you have support and someone to talk too. I just look at people as people. Not their economic stance. We all have bill’s. They are just deeper in debt. So look nice and carry on. Your teaching your child your there for them.

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We weren’t meant to fit in! We werent meant to stand out. Cheesy, i know, but so true! Be yourself and if somebdy is meant to be your friend they will end up if not dont go looking for your worth in others. In other words F*** Them B*tches

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Be in the moment for your son. Don’t mind them or their stares. You continue to be the strong parent you are! Always remember, they wouldn’t last a day in your shoes! Smile at that thought when you are there enjoying your sons achievements! Take the high road, say hello and move on. Hold your head high like the rock star you are!

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Don’t worry about the rich snobs!!! Enjoy your son and his activities with your head held high!!! You are twice the woman that they would hope to be!

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If you don’t want to go… then don’t !!! As long as your child is getting a good education… That’s what is important!!! Or try to find one friend??

Fuck those people, no one is better than you or anyone . Just be you, you don’t have to try and fit in.

Why would you want to fit in after seeing how snobby and horrible they are? I’d be avoiding those events unless it’s truly necessary to go. Stop trying and just be there for your son.

You don’t want to be friends with those people … all they do is gossip and stab each other on the back. Just be plesant to them but never forget that your kids will receive more love than any of the other “rich “ mums

Sounds to me like you’re putting a lot into being wealthy. Wealthy does not equal elite/best. It seems to me like this school isn’t the best place for education. Parents control important educational emails? You’ll never fit in with them because they’re jealous of you. They might have money, but they more than likely don’t have loyalty. You work for what you have, they are given what they have. They are completely dependent and everyone knows they did nothing for what they have. When people look at you, they have respect that your always on the grind and you’re an independent bad bish. Sounds like the school just breeds more arrogant for no reason people. I’d look into a school change. Financial aid has to be paid back right? I wouldn’t live beyond my means unless it was beneficial. There are so many other private school that are wonderful if public school isn’t an option. Best of luck!! :orange_heart::orange_heart: keep grinding.

Find other friends elsewhere who are aligned with your values and lifestyle. You don’t have to be friends with the other parents at school. If you have your own real friends you won’t care anymore about fitting in with the school people. You can go to school events to support your son, make small talk and be polite, but happily leave when it’s over and go hang with your people.

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I wouldn’t even care as long as he has friends and likes the school. Screw them maybe bring a friend with you if you would like.

Next say hello if they don’t respond say your lost not mine be happy because they are not happy