How do I fix my relationship after having someone else's baby?

Walk away. How is he gonna get jealous of a baby? Two, there are many good guys out there that would love to be able to raise your daughter. You didn’t ruin yall. Yall were broken up, it was a decision yall both made consciously to break up and understood the implications of it. It takes two to tango… He can’t break up and not expect you to try to move on. He does not deserve to raise that baby. She needs love and she did not ask to be born. Move on and be strong for her. She needs your protection and no matter how much you love him you have to love yourself and that baby more. She needs you.

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You didn’t ruin anything! He is gaslighting you.

Yeah…sounds like he is looking for a way out by suddenly acting this way. Sadly it will not get better. Your daughter and you deserve better

My son only has One blood child… My granddaughter has one sister and one brother one older and one younger than my granddaughter on Dec 12 2020 my granddaughters mother dropped her and her siblings off to my son and told him she could no longer take care of the children, him being the good man he is took all three of them and he treats the other two like they are his own they both call him daddy!! So I now have three grandbabies and I love them all the same!! Any man can father a child but it takes a special one to be called daddy, same with the mother!!! There are good men out there that will love you and your daughter… Let him go!!! Don’t take the chance of your daughter getting abused by a man that holds her for what happened!! She deserves better than that!! I hope everything works out for you and your daughter!! God bless you both!!:pray:

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You gotta be a special kind of human in order to be able to deny love to a child. I do not like people that mistreat kids or animals

Stay. Be miserable. Let your daughter feel unloved by her father and unprotected by her mother. When it gets worse stay longer. Come on! You already know the answer. If you’re waiting for permission to leave, here it is.

Throw that whole damn man away! Your baby does not need that in her life & neither do you.

He will never accept it EVER! My sister literally has the exact same story as you! She even went as far as giving her son up for adoption & it did not change anything besides how she felt towards her husband… He still bring it up with every argument! He uses it against her in every way possible! Nothing any of us said or did helped. You have to make a choice for you & your daughter! He will never be ok with it ever!

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You need a marriage councillor if you really want this to work.

You obviously know what you need to do. I understand his feelings, because I do not think I could continue on with my husband if he had a child with someone else(obviously having children before meeting me would be different but that’s not the case here) So he has every right to feel the way he does but he had no business jumping in with both feet if he was not all in. So now you’re left to fix it. Your best bet is to move on as those feelings will likely always be there in the back of his mind. You and your daughter deserve more than that. Good luck !

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He should’ve just left you alone. :woman_shrugging:t3: Y’all were broken up. I hate you’re going through this.

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Leave, emotional abuse should :clap: NEVER :clap: BE
:clap: TOLERATED! Always love yourself and your kids more! You Deserve Happiness! Your daughter deserves a happy mommy! :two_hearts:

Leave. You had her when you both were not together. That’s not your fault. Any man getting into a relationship with a woman who has a kid (visa versa) needs to step up to the plate. Your daughter comes first.

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You didn’t do anything wrong… he is the one with the problem. Move on. There are other men who will step up.

Love ur kids more then u should love him… If I was ever in that position I would leave… jus leave before it gets worse

If you split up, you didn’t do anything to him. Did he see other people while you were single? You didn’t cheat, you weren’t a couple. But if he cannot get past this, you have to leave.

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You need to get out before you & your baby end up hurt or worse… this will not end well if you continue to try & patch things up… sometimes its better to just walk away… she knows he doesn’t want her, she feels scared & tension… hes gonna snap… leave, leave, leave…

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First off he’s gaslighting you, second why in the world would you try having another baby with him? And 3rd why tf would you try for another baby that’s biologically his JUST so he can love his own child when you have a child he already claims to love as his own even when he obviously doesn’t.

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If your torn, always choose your child. Once you become a parent, so many things that seemed important are not your main priority anymore.
You have to do what is best for her. If that means leaving a man who isn’t going to love her the way he said he would, then that’s what it means.

I’m so sorry that you’re in this situation. Unfortunately this is something that likely won’t change and could get worse instead of better. Your daughter comes first and if he isn’t treating her like he should, you know what to do. :heart: sending all of the positive thoughts your way.

You don’t. You didn’t cheat,he knew and was on board. So he needs to step up or get out

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Putting myself in his place I wouldn’t be able to forget either, hooking up is one thing, but conceiving is completely different, let him go, he can’t forgive you for it, he tried, he did try, but he failed

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Leave him as soon as possible.

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Kick his ass to the curb it shouldn’t matter if he loves you obviously it matters to him that she doesn’t have his dna

Sounds like he has some soul searching to do. How can you even live in the present or the future if you still have the past holding you back? He should have stayed gone. You don’t yo-yo a kid because you’re in your feelings. That’s immature and probably saving your daughter from abuse. He needs mental help and some growing space. :roll_eyes: he knew the moment he took you back. He already looks stupid right now.

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Please leave this relationship and focus on your daughter. It’s easy to be there when you’re pregnant because to a man, the reality of the situation may not hit them until after the birth. Which sounds like what happened. And please do not have a baby with him to try and fix it. That will only make it worse for you.

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Move on. It’s over. Speaking from experience

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Move on! Jealous of A 15 month old. Really? Choose your child, ALWAYS choose your child over any man.

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You don’t. You don’t try to fix this relationship with a boy who told you it didn’t matter if the child was biologically his, it was still his child, for him to turn around and treat the both of you like this.

Know your worth!

You & that precious baby deserve so much more, than what he is giving you.

If he thinks it will make him look stupid to raise someone else’s child when there is millions out there doing just that, he’s already far too stupid to be worried about looking stupid.

Move on mama, because it seems it’s only going to be worse & you’ve been dealing with this far too long already.
Think about what you would want your daughter to do if she were in a situation similar. Take the advice you would give her, for yourself.

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Dad is not necessarily blood -
I’m very sorry to say this, I’ve been down a similar path … It is best to end it now - it is only going to get worse, trust me -
You are better off single as a happy mom than with a guy who adds stress to your precious lil family -
I promise <3

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You answered your own question with that last sentence.

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Any man can be a Dad but only a special few can be a real Father. He needs to make his decision which he is going to be. He came into the relationship knowing the situation, so he can’t call foul now. And your right your daughter and you both deserve a Father for her. So I’d tell him to man up or get out. And not to pull this shit again. I know it’s easy for me to say, but you both deserve someone you can count on. Part time Daddy’s just screw up little girls minds. Your aligence is to your daughter. Good luck.

THERAPY… for you. For him. Couples if you plan to stay together.

i dont think he will get over this resentment that he made ,he took you back but after baby was here he cant or wont accept the obvious , he is acting like a schoolboy and doesnt want to stay in this relationship . my advice is to move on !

Tbh i don’t think either of you are in the wrong. Except the way he treats ur baby girl. I am sure at one point he thought he could make it work cause he loves you, but nobody knows 100% until the baby is here. I am sure when family made comments about her features or when he looked at her little nose and wondered whose nose she has etc little things like that I am sure messed with his head. If you want to be with him, you 100% need to make sure he wants to be with you AND her. Maybe a separation and counseling is in order. No way I would be with him without counseling. He is hurt and needs to heal that before you both can be together, but he has to want to put the work into it and that means going to counseling I would say couples and separately. I wish you the best of luck.

I kind of had a semi similar situation this guy I was seeing asked me to move in with him (we dated for almost 2 years) and I told him I would have my son who was 4 about to turn 5 also, he told me that was fine and when we moved in and then he started babysitting him while I worked and we switched out (he worked overnights and I worked during the day) we broke up last month and he’s currently in jail right now because he held it all in and exploded on me one day saying I blindsided him because he thought I just got my son on weekends he didn’t think I had him full time when I told him from the beginning my son’s father wasn’t really in his life my son’s father picks and chooses when he wants to call or text to reach out to try to even talk to his son, he sometimes goes as long as 6 to 7 months without reaching out and he got in my face and my son’s face so I kicked him out and he gave Me a black eye my son called 911 thank God and now he’s in jail. But the point is if they don’t accept your child they won’t. And there’s nothing you can do to try to make it better.

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You need to get OUT NOW! The behavior will only intensify. In the long run you will ruin the self-esteem of your daughter. It’s not easy to be a single parent but it’s better then dealing with the atrocities that will happen in the feature if you don’t act accordingly.

Its probably a lot harder for him to deal with now that it is in his face. You were reckless in your “hook up”, he thought he could deal with it and he can’t. Leave, for everyone involved.

I think the fixing is in his court. He either needs to come to terms with it and agree to parent together with you or move on so that you can move forward in your life. Focus on your relationship and if it heals, get married, then have a baby. Please don’t get pregnant thinking it will fix things. It won’t. he won’t change, you’ll split up and be a single mother raising two children.

If he can’t accept it then you need to leave him. There’s absolutely nothing you can do to change anything now of course and if he is treating y’all badly even the slightest bit then I would suggest leaving :cry:

I think it’s best to just end things. If you have to asks, it sounds like you probably already know and have that gut feeling that it should end! Do you girl! Enjoy time with just you and your daughter! I think you’ll be alot happier. Also I’d look into getting his name off birth certificate etc. It shouldn’t be too hard since he’s not biological. And If yall break up I’m sure he wouldn’t have a problem being off her legal paperwork!

You know what to do momma. He will look back one day and wish he would’ve been different. Move on and make a great life for you and your little baby. Baby deserves it.

No one competes with your children. Time to say goodbye to him.

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Him saying that means he needs to go. Sweetie my son was 2 weeks old when me and my fiance got together. Hes been in his life constantly. If anyone ask he will tell them that’s his son. His whole family accepts him as his son as well. My son is mixed but he loves him with his whole heart. We lost them to cps once and in court they wanted a DNA test because they said my sons hair was to curly to be his. He tried to say no even saying it went against his religion. He raised Caine saying he was his dad. They even tried to deny him visits when the dna test came back and he pushed the issue of visiting his son and only was denied 1 week of not seeing him while there. When they took us to court for child support and only ordered him to pay for the one we had together he told them he wanted them to take out for his other son as well. She needs a dad who will love her unconditionally as my fiance has done with our son. If not she will eventually be hurt by how he treats her and as a parent our kids come first before anything else.

Honestly. You need to end that relationship. You need to. Your child is first priority and from experience once the other starts bringing up things or start having arguments and fights about a child. They will not Love and give the proper attention and nurturing that child needs.

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I honestly think that he is just hurting. You are trying to get pregnant with no luck. He wants one that is his biological child. He is longing for that. I’m not saying that treating your daughter like that is right, because it’s not. We all go through depression and anger. Talk to him about it. See if he just feels some resentment towards your daughter that he isn’t aware of himself because you haven’t been able to get pregnant with his very own child. Once you acknowledge it and he is aware of it, see if that changes things. If it doesn’t, then move on. So many people disregard men’s emotions, they have the same emotions women do but are told they can’t have emotions and to “be a man”.

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Babies know when they aren’t wanted….she’s feeling it from him and it’s so detrimental to their mental health.

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I dunno, but stuff like this makes me appreciate my own relationship a lot more than usual.

I mean, in comparison, I have it ridiculously easy most of the time. Perspective. :man_shrugging:

You daughter is going to feel his rejection and his resentment. She is the one who will suffer most. Please, do not have any more children right now. It’s not going to fix anything, and will only make things so much worse for the baby you already have! If he’s willing to do intensive therapy and 100% treat your baby right, then stay. If not, then you take your baby and run.

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Your daughter is far more important than the stress he is causing you. Tell him fine if thats what he wants to do then leave. As much as it would hurt, it would save you so much hassle. Raising a child is hard, but raising a child around someone who doesn’t want her is worse. Put her first and your well being first. She needs a head strong mumma x

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I feel super sorry for both of you :disappointed: I can’t imagine how hard this is on both. He is hurting too I’m sure

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Seriously, can’t stress this enough, DO NOT have another baby anytime soon. No one in this situation is really ready for that.

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Concentrate on your child and yourself. Make her your priority, even if you need to alone.

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You need to leave. He will resent that baby and she will began to feel it. How awful would that be growing up knowing your “dad” resents you? Protect your baby

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I wouldn’t stay in that type of situation at all.

You need to tell him that if he can’t accept her as his own then you are leaving. Put that baby first. Like you said he knew from the beginning and he agreed to be the father figure.
You and her are a package. If he can’t step up he can step out. I’m sure it did hurt him but he made the choice to forgive you so he needs to let it go if he wants to be with you. If you have a child together is he going to start treating her differently again? You need to be sure that he is going to love her 100% like his own. If not find someone who will.

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You can’t seriously be upset with him for not knowing how he would been about not having his own child with you… it would be hard … sounds like he is resentful and you should probably separated give him time also …for your daughter it’s not a good situation

Just go don’t look back it’s not just you to blame. He’s not thought about it well. You split up that means you can sleep around. Just take that baby and get out.

Your daughter needs you. Raise her. She surely have a grandfather or uncles that will give her plenty of male perspective. Love her and get rid of the stress. There is usually no fixing things that are thrown in your face about the past. They will be brought up every argument every disagreement. Agree to move on.

I hate to say this but if y’all did have a baby together he would probably give your daughter even less love because his bio child will be his priority and as it sounds already he already doesnt value the child already here. That isnt going to improve by adding another child. Unless he changes his heart big time your daughter is going to have severe mental damage from his behavior and your allowing it. I think if he isnt willing to change amd go to therapy then you probably need to drop h and move on. Your daughter deserves to be loved and valued by EVERYONE in her life or they dont belong there.

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I don’t think u should have his baby anytime soon
He claims to accept u and someone else child but now acts differently
The child will suffer alot n it’s heartbreaking
If he can’t appreciate what he have now he never will
Bcuz if u make a child for him now he will reject the other God forbid
Sit n talk to him abt it

Leave he resents her and treats her differently bc of the situation if you stay and have his kids he will always make her feel less than

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She definitely has an awesome mom, that’s for sure. Your child should always come first. If the two of you were split up, you did nothing wrong. You don’t get to pick and chose when to be a parent. He’s either in or he’s out. It’s that simple. If he is the man your daughter knows as her dad, it’s gonna traumatize her when he gets a stick up his ass and decides to throw up that he isn’t her father. I’d say end it. It’s gonna cause more trauma in the long run and honestly, it sounds like she would be better off with you as mom and dad until the time comes along where you meet a man that won’t hesitate to say “that’s my kid” even though he didn’t make her.

He really needed to not sign that birth certificate until he was sure.
He’s hurt & he needs to step back.
There’s plenty of Step parents out there… It’s ok if he isn’t wanting to be one.

Daughter over him no matter how hard it is…I’m sorry tho :sleepy:…you just can’t risk her getting older and attached and him leaving her and hurting her or being bad too her…her dad is out there somewhere. Soon as you worry about yourself and building a life for her he will appear.

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I would leave. Shes 15 months and hes showing no signs of improvement. Now hes becoming jealous of her. Thats big red flags. Let him move on and you should do the same. Best of luck.

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Its not just stepping up as dad. For him that baby is always going to remind him of that and it obviously hurt him. Id separate for the child and see what happens

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He needs to man up and stop thinking like a teenager. He knew what happened and decided to fix things and stay. Also your daughter is 15 months old and he’s jealous acting like she had any part of this?? Imagine how he would act once she’s older. He needs to either get over it or leave.

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It is no different if the child was before the relationship if he cant accept her then you shouldnt accept him. Do whats best for her mental health that lil girl is depending on you :heart:

Your husband should know that if you try having a baby with him and you couldn’t for the longest but yet you had a baby from another man that alone is enough reason to believe that he cannot father children you already prove to yourself that you can have kids he needs to go have himself checked out before making decisions that he will regret later just saying

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You can’t change him. He can only change himself. Your priority at this point is the well being of your child. Take steps to protect her.

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You have to save your daughter. She deserves better. Please don’t raise her around this man.

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Hes hurt as expected. He probably thought his love for you would be enough but everyday its a reminder and a realization that he can’t do it. Which means he will continue to be resentful and itll cause more issues for u both and making it a bad environment for the baby. Id have that talk and let him know if he can’t get past this then you guys need to separate. You may not have a father figure in her life. Theres the reality that you may be the one raising her which isn’t what we hope for our kids but we do it. Stay strong for you and your lil girl.

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Leave now it will not get better leave before the child grows to attached

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He is not past what happened. I don’t know that I would stay with him.
Maybe try couples counseling to air out this mess.
Do not have a baby with him, you clearly see that he is not adult enough to be a daddy.

Having a dad is overrated. Mine was killed before my 3rd birthday and my youngest has never met her sperm donor. Neither of us has grandfathers in the picture. Making the choice to keep her made you a package deal. If he can’t show her the same love and attention as he shows you (it really doesn’t sound like he shows it to you anymore) then you need to leave. Take time and focus on yourself and your child instead of jumping in with someone new

Honestly if you were broken up when you got pregnant you didn’t do anything to “ruin” things. He knew about your daughter and got back into the relationship so that’s on him if he isn’t able to step up and handle things. To be fair she isn’t his responsibility. Honestly if he resents her already I don’t think I would stay with him, your kids have to be more important. I’m sorry he’s messing with you.

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I definitely would seek counseling for you both. Also, now is not a time to have his baby. He will treat his baby better and it will hurt you… Eventually, your baby girl will notice and it will cause resentment between her and her sibling.

Just my thoughts, I’m not a professional. Good luck in whatever path you choose.

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If he is always throwing your daughter in your face then he has never forgiven you. He is toxic and will continue to do this . Your daughter should always come first. You need to leave his sorry ass. Maybe he is cheating on you for pay cheating on you for payback and wants you to leave. He sounds like a narcissist. Your daughter should come first.

I dont blame him for not being happy with you. He shouldnt take it out on the baby though.

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If he can’t do it then he needs to walk away , you can’t live being punished , forgiveness is that , forgetting and never using it against you again , not using it to put you down . You can’t take it back , so he either needs to learn to accept what happened or move on from you . He’s entitled to do that , but he’s not entitled to bring this hostile environment in your home where you raise your child . X

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Daughter over him. He is just going to cause all of you more and more pain…
Make.a clean break.
Work toward getting a good job.or education or both if you haven’t already so you can be independent.
Also so your daughter can see how strong you are and how women are.
Find a.supportive group.(Women’s Resource Center, etc.)
Give guys a rest for awhile. (I know It’s hard to b alone sometimes)
Hope this concrete advice is helpful.
You can do it!!!

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2 different sides to this coin:
1st mistake was giving her HIS last name. Is he on bc? If so that was a bad move too. You two should have had some very serious convos before she was born
Or
He is being extremely childish and was definitely not ready to be a father. He is toxic.

Either way this is not a healthy house to raise a child. Either seek counseling for all of you or leave.

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If he’s on the bs he’s still gonna have to pay child support either way

You all need counseling. He needs a safe place to talk about all this and so do you. You made mistakes and he didn’t know how it would hurt him. He has a right to it all and he needs someone to talk to.

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If you guys weren’t together during that time, he’s being a manipulative asshole. You don’t need to stay with him especially because of how he’s treating your daughter

PLEASE seek professional counseling to help you make good decisions. You’re not going to solve this with a Facebook post. This is NOT the time to bring another child into an emotional situation. I wish you well…

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Sounds like you need to learn how to use protection.

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Tell him in no uncertain terms that if he cannot treat that innocent child with love and as his daughter than he can get out if your life … You didn’t ruin anything … You were on a break when you got pregnant which was more than likely because he was acting like an asshole … Like he is now … He sounds like a douche … Any man that can be mean to a baby isn’t worth the time of day … You both deserve better … You have nothing to feel guilty about … He is an ass

Did this all start around the time you 2 started trying to have a baby together? He could be struggling with the fact that you guys haven’t been able to get pregnant. It’s obviously nothing wrong with you because you conceived with someone else so he probably feels very insecure about himself thinking somethings wrong with him. I’m sure it’s fueling the fire. I’m sure he’s hurting. He does need to figure out what he wants to do though. As your daughter gets older she’ll notice the hostility and it could profoundly affect her. I think you need to have a talk with him and tell him he needs to make a decision, he’s either going to be in your life and treat her right or he’s gonna leave. This definitely needs to be discussed and settled before you guys continue trying to conceive. It’s a very toxic situation to bring another baby into.

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Your daughter comes first. He stated it wasn’t an issue but has since changed his mind and is resentful of your baby. This will always be an issue. You weren’t together when it happened, and you were truthful the whole time. You aren’t some possession. You can’t erase what happened in the past, either. Like so many others have said, try counseling if you want to continue the relationship and try to make things work. If it comes down to an ultimatum and you’re put in that position to choose between your baby and your partner, that shouldn’t even be a struggle of a choice. Don’t ever let him or anyone else hate on your child or hurt them. They’ll grow up thinking that’s normal and it will have an effect on their future relationships and life.

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First of all, you weren’t together when you got pregnant with someone else’s child and that’s not your fault. You aren’t to blame for getting pregnant. For him to get back together with you and accept everything and be her dad for 4 months and now act like this towards you and her is ridiculous. He either needs therapy - maybe couples therapy- or you need to walk away.

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He isnt over it. Try some therapy if he is not willing…you have your answer

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Your relationship is over. Time to take your daughter and both of you can move forward on different paths.

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I will never understand why people break up… have sex with someone else UNPROTECTED.Get pregnant… then expect the ex to except everything. What ever happened to respecting yourself enough to use birth control. It’s free in most places and plenty are non hormonal so there’s really no excuse except wanting drama in your life.

It takes a lot to own up to someone else’s children. The man I am with is an absolute amazing stepdad. I have 3 kids (all the same father). I was pregnant with my 3rd when me and their father split up… He was amazing through the whole process (also, we started off long distance) and I couldn’t ask for a more involved father figure for them. It honestly depends on him… Some people aren’t cut out to be parents, some are not cut out to be stepparents. But I assure you, it wouldn’t make him look bad to step in for a child who needs a dad. Good luck to you and your family :two_hearts:

Alright lil mama so my first kiddo my baby girl when I got pregnant with her her bio father left me spent my entire pregnancy single everyone kept telling me the whole time to put myself out there well after she was born joined some dating apps met this guy my baby was 3 weeks old and he hasn’t left since she just turned two and he treats her good and is happy to show off his daughter he is her daddy only daddy that lil girl has ever known we now have our happy lil accident baby #2 but was not in either of our plans and it hasn’t changed how he feels about her one bit best advice I got for you is tell him he either needs to get ok with it because that lil girl looks up to him and thinks the world of him only daddy she knows or he can get to steppin because don’t you dare make that lil girl feel unwanted and unloved because yall took a break and you accidentally got pregnant you did nothing wrong he chose to stay you aren’t forcing him he chose that little girl he did which is more choice than you got and if you can step up and be a mama so can his ass if he don’t wanna be daddy then he needs to go now before she gets even more attached to him and it will only hurt her worse nothing I hate more than people taking their crap out on kids

Why would you plan on having another child if your relationship started suffering 4 months after you had a child by someone else? Thats not a smart idea. I suggest you both seek counseling, and separate.

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He is likely infertile and resents your daughter. I’d leave. This will not improve.

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I would ask him if he couldn’t have kids, would he then accept her? Then encourage him to get tested. He may be worried he can’t have kids. If there is no reason he can’t have kids he might feel relieved and settle a bit .
It would be a hard position to be in.