How do I forgive my husband for cheating?

I hate forgive and forget. I prefer remember and recover. Remember that it happened, because it’s important, but you also have to recover… in whatever way that looks like for you. If you won’t be able to remember and recover then I think you should leave.

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The Beetles got it wrong, you need more then just love. You can’t be his whole world if he is dicking else where. He is telling you how he feels with his actions, don’t get blinded by love or soft words. End of the day he slept with someone else, he broke that trust, gambled with his family, and flat out slapped you with disrespect.

Stay if you want but you’d be a fool.

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I have no advice other than to check out “Forgiving what you can’t forget.” The woman who wrote it went through this exact thing and was able to repair her marriage, but ultimately find herself through the pain.

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Find a therapist that works with couples! Find a Therapist, Psychologist, Counselor - Psychology Today can help find someone in your area. You can also contact your church, often they can help or have a partnership with someone. Also there are many great books that are from a Christian prospective. If you need someone to vent to PM me.

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Trying to stay and trying forgive him is NOT the EASY way out take it from me… You will never forget it… Only time can help you move past it… No one can really help you with the decision to stay or go… At the end of the day it’s your choice… Don’t let anybody make you feel some type of way for whatever decision you make…

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Prayers sweetie, he’ll never change. You and your babies deserve better

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Leave. I am in the spot you were in. I should have left. He swears no actual meeting or physical stuff happened caught him on multiple dating sites nit even a month after having our third child. I should have left. Now I have no trust and him and I have no romantic feeling towards him. I am pregnant again and just plain unhappy. He was the only one I have ever trusted. I was passed a long to family members as a child, mother just left. He knew and still did it. Tried to say we were fighting all the time. The only thing we ever fought about was him not wanting to have sex or spending time with his family. He been trying harder. I just caught him again on another dating site. He actually charged the talk/message tokens to our joint account. Don’t stay. You deserve better. And remember you didn’t cause him to cheat. He did it for himself.

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If you really want to work on things because you really feel like you love him then you can. Maybe talking to something together will help. But also don’t forget the pain you’d feel if he does it again because he sees that you’re going to try to move on and he’s “getting away with it”. Don’t forget the constant suspicion you may feel and wondering if he’s actually doing what he says he’s doing or if he’s with someone else. It’s a hard situation for sure!

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Yep just to be cheated on AGAIN it hurts to move on hut it’s for the better he will keep doing it because you will always take him back girl you deserve so much better life is to short always worrying what he is do is he cheating a again .

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Well regardless if you choose to stay or leave. Only way to heal is to forgive. Doesn’t mean you’ll forget. But, if you both decide on counseling or something then give it a shot. Takes a long time to get the trust back but it can be done.

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I think it’s possible but it takes A LOT of work from both people. My ex husband did everything I asked, changed his number, email, I had full access to his phone, but it was something that I couldn’t forget. I couldn’t unsee the emails/texts/pictures that I found from a couple women. I stayed for 3 years and tried to make it work, we did marriage counseling, individual counseling but it turned into such anger and resentment and it took a huge toll on me mentally and our relationship was just not good anymore.

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I cant give advise on this through experience as I’ve never had it happen but I’ve always felt if it did happen I couldnt possibly carry on with the person as i would have it on my mind constantly and that would be torture , i wouldnt be able to look at him the same and i could never trust again so wouldnt be a happy existence at all n I’d feel i needed revenge aswell .

You deserve better. You are going through things you just lost 2 babies. Your man should be there for you. Not out sticking it in someone else. Sorry but what a pig.

Just keep in mind, whatever you deside that forgiveness is definitely not the easy way out. Best wishes to you!

You can’t. Just move on and save everyone the grief of “trying”

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God doesn’t call us to forgive and forget. In fact, he says forgive, don’t forget. My prayers friend. I would be gone. My hubby knows this too.

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Once a cheater always a cheater. He will do it again. Never trust a bloke. Where’s their is fanny, a man will be.

No one can decide for you. You have two options try again with the possibility he will do it again or leave him. It is possible for him to not do it again but he needs to prove how he’s working on it. If he continues to act the same or not show true remorse for his actions then LEAVE! This happened to me very recently and I decided to try again but if at any point he shows he doesn’t value me or our relationship then it’s over. And it’s always going to be a possibility he’ll do it again and I know that and accept it. But I chose to try again because that’s what I wanted to do.

I’d kick his butt to the curb. I don’t care how rough it got marriage is sacred

Think of it this way… if she wouldnt have told you…
he would still be doing it

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I have a story along the same lines. I knew her. We were all close. All all part of the same Christian circle.
Honestly, Christians tend to hide behind this religion and justify cheating-their heart (and maybe bad counsel?) will give them all sorts of excuses as to why it’s ok. I tried for 4 yrs to make things work but his heart was already gone.
I wouldn’t waste another few years trying to make it work if I were you. Infidelity is a heart issue and it’s really rare that the person is open to that kind of change, whether conscious or subconscious. Don’t put you or your kids through that, you deserve better.

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You can get passed it, but it takes hard work and lots of communication. At 20 years of marriage, my husband cheated. He has spent the last 37 years making up for it every single day. I trust him completely. Our 57th anniversary is coming up this month.

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Sounds to me like you have a LOT of work to do on yourself without the trouble or distraction of trying to keep a failing relationship afloat. You need to get right with you, before you will ever have a healthy relationship with anyone else -including that boy- who may grow up really needing you to be healthy, and independent, and available to continue a strong relationship with him…
Honestly… can you stick around long enough to adopt him legally before you peace out? Just so you don’t have to worry about losing out on visitation/custody? Might be messed up to adopt him and leave his father, but… it sounds like he’s the most important part of this, second only to your own health and well-being. :woman_shrugging:t3:

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I forgave once. Then he did it again. After 15 yrs of marriage and 18 years together I gained the courage to walk away.

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Personal Experience here: I have been cheated on in different relationships. I did choose to forgive and stay with my current partner and I do not regret my choice. We go to therapy (couples and individually) and we love each other. My advice is as follows:

  1. whichever choice you make - BE FIRM not wishy washy
  2. if you choose forgiveness make sure you have the capacity to let go of the bitterness, otherwise I would just choose to leave - it’s not “fair” if you choose forgiveness to then use that as a weapon later on in the relationship

Forgiveness and relationships are HARD and HARD WORK. I hope you find peace in whatever you decide I am just here to say sometimes relationships are worth repairing instead of just throwing them away.
I also want to add that its just as easy to say “screw you” as it is to say “I forgive you”.

Yes you can forgive and move on but he has to be willing to put the work into it as much as you are he will have to regain your trust and I would seek marriage counseling sometime it only takes 1 mistake like this for them to realize what they have done and some will never do it again if they truly love you I know my husband had a one time thing and I chose to stay and work through it im so glad I did we are stronger than ever we had a 4.5 month old and I found out I was 15 weeks pregnant 2days after I found out about the 1 time and that was almost 11 years ago and we couldn’t be in a better place follow your heart that’s why marriages doesn’t last anymore people are to eager to throw it away we are humans we make mistakes but I will say that if it ever happened again he would be out the door before he could think about it

Instead of praying for the ability to forgive and accept it, try praying for strength, courage and wisdom.
God will hear you. He doesn’t want you to suffer.
The Lord will provide.
Leaving is really scary and that fear tends to keep us in relationships that no longer serve us or our families.
Your son us yours. You are both his parents and entitled to shared custody/access regardless of blood.
Be strong sis.
Take the leap of faith.
You need more than love to justify staying. You need respect, trust, effort and responsibility.

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Love. Doesn’t. Stray. Love doesn’t even consider straying. There are ZERO excuses for cheating, it’s a conscious act and a HUGE betrayal. I’ve told my husband point blank, one time and his shits on the lawn. I refuse to have my trust be violated like that.

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I made it very clear when we were still dating that I don’t give second chances for cheating or abuse of any kind!! That still Stands 20 years in now!!
I could never trust again, that’s one of the pillers that holds up our relationship.
If you want to try then do it but you will need help, couples councling and both have to be all in and do the work. Only you can decide what you put up with.

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So I’m gonna be the devil’s advocate here. The saying once a cheater always a cheater is not true. I’m the one that cheated and my husband forgave me. We were going thru some deep shit, and I fucked up and cheated. He forgave me and we are way better than ever. I haven’t even thought about it doing it again.
If you can’t get past the hurt, then leave and move on. If you want to make it work, then you will have to try as well.
It’s hard coming back from betrayal but for some it can be done. I’m not saying forget about it, but if you do decide to work it out, it needs to stay in the past.

i think it will probably eat you alive regardless of if you are together or not, so i think the real question is can you continue to love him and have no resentment towards him? do you think that with time you can look at him the same? and do you trust he won’t do it again or will there be a reoccurrence? you both are gonna have to work hard to make it work and get past these feelings that you have at the moment. do what’s best for you though. try not to let your religion be the sole purpose of your decision, whatever that decision may be.

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Walked away with your son. He doesn’t love you. He doesn’t respect you.It’s going to hurt you for the rest of your life if you forgive him. I wish you happiness.:pray:

You stay with him and go day-by-day, because you don’t want to make a hasty mistake. Sometimes it gets easier as the days go on and if it does you’ll be able to forgive him eventually but if you let him go you probably will never forgive him and things will never be the same.

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Just because ur marriage isnt going good doesnt give someone a free pass to go out and cheat. Kick his butt to the curb. He will do it again.

My ex was a serial cheater. I stil don’t know all his secrets n lies but I know all I care 2 know. We went 2 counsoling once. It helped 4 a few years but then I wonder if it wasn’t just that I was happy n didn’t notice what he was doing. Either way it was 2 much 4 me anymore.

There is no weakness in forgiveness… but speaking from experience I would leave. Wishing you the best!

Forgiving is easy forgetting is difficult

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As a Christian God does call us to forgive however there is a reason adultery is one of the only ways out of a marriage. Matthew 5:31. He doesn’t call us to stay. He doesn’t call us to commit to someone who doesn’t love us. He calls us to forgive which means to stop feeling angry or resentful. Doesn’t mean to stay.

Same situation as you exact the chic told me n all i foragve him he change alot completely 100% change but i regret forgiving him its in my mind constantly we moves 3 hours away n all i have no trust i feel like i dont care anymore unless you can truly forgive and moveon it not going to work me n him dont fight we do have our ups n down the truth is i no longer want to be marry to him n yes i love him n all but i feel nothing for him personally my part you need to leave now unless you are willing to completely forgive him n move on its allways going be in your head

Leave once a cheater always a CHEATER!

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Are you willing to forgive and forgive and forgive over and over again?

If you stay and choose to forgive, he will continue to cheat. Get out while you can

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:joy: no you werent born a mug

If you think things are over with this girl and he regrets… but before taking him back keep in mind he might do it again.

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I’m sorry you’re going through this. You have to want to forgive him. It will be hard! If you think you can. Then the trust has to built again! Without trust there is no real relationship.

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I was in a situation that I didn’t think I wanted to leave. My husband wanted to work things out after cheating (with a mutual friend) but when I started see behavior the raised a red flag he would be mad at me for asking questions. I never really understood what it would take to work things out. In the end I left. You have to make sure that he truly wants to put the same effort as you or it won’t work out. I have forgiven him even though he’s never apologized because those feelings will only hold you back. Personally knowing what I know now if I were in that situation again I’d just leave

You can forgive him but you don’t have to stay. Just remember if you choose to stay and work on things then you have to be able to let it go. It won’t work if you can’t build that trust back.

God doesn’t want anyone to be unhappy and unloved. Period. I don’t care what the bible says.

You don’t. You deserve better and he obviously didn’t care about your feelings when he was cheating on you. YOU were going through a hard time and HE made the choice to cheat instead of comfort you.

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You will always carry this paranoia on your shoulders knowing he did it once ! If you want to keep being with him knowing this may happen again then move on now. When your with somebody who loves everything about you, you will know and you won’t have to constantly worry about being disrespected like this again!!

Punt him to the curb.

If u choose to forgive him, you can’t bring it back up repeatedly or treat him differently or it won’t work! She has to be someone he never sees again, ever! You can forgive him but you’ll never forget it and you’ll just have to live with that. Best wishes making the best choice, for you.

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You can forgive but you can never forget.

"Affair recovery"is a Christian youtube channel that has hands down saved my marriage after infidelity. I can honestly say my marriage is now stronger than it was before.

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once a cheater, always a cheater

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You have to want to forgive him but he also has to understand how he wronged you and he has to want to not hurt you like that again.

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Try marriage councelling. But if he cheats even once after then he will always cheat.

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