I’ve had to move to where we planned (his hometown) because I gave it all up and meant to start my job next week. but I just feel utterly lost and confused as I didn’t see this coming, it came out of no where. I just need advice of where to go from here? So I reach out for answers? Or try and move on?
so he waited until you gave it all up to do this, he knew before what he was going to do but waited by the sounds of it. better off without!
LEAVE IT ALONE be grateful it was before moving in. He’s a lost cause
Take the job. Do better for yourself, work on yourself. Once men start seeing you’re doing fine without them they always come back. Now I’m not saying get back with him if he does… just show him you never needed him
Do have any kids if u do or not just go
Don’t give him the satisfaction of contacting him for anything - not even for answers as difficult as it is of not knowing. He knew what he was doing. And, you CAN move on - it will take time but I know you CAN do it.
Wow! That’s foul if it came out the blue.
I would want answers myself, but it probably is better to just move forward girl.
Start over a brand new life in a new place…you can be anyone when noone knows you
Define a new normal for you. Even if you pry answers out of him there’s no guarantee that he’s telling you the truth. I’m sorry this happened. I agree with the previous person he knew in advance what he was doing. People come into your life for a reason and not all are meant to stay. My guess is that you were brought to the new location so you can live your best life. You got this. This will eventually become the best thing that ever happened to you barring if you have any kids. There’s groups on FB that offer support for this very topic. Know you are not alone so many people are out there waiting to meet you the real you not the woman you became because you were in this relationship the woman that has a sparkle in her eyes and owns who she is and the room she walks into. You got this!!!
Do your best to go back home! Don’t stay there.
Honestly, from here you do your best to pick up the pieces and Go whatever direction you want with your life.
But don’t let yourself be twisted up over someone who can say they have no feelings for you and drop you like they did.
Best way to get over a break up is to focus on yourself, be with people who make you happy, and do things that make you happy
And when he comes crawling back, because they always do, don’t fall for it. If it doesn’t work out once, it likely won’t work out the second time, I speak from experience.
Walk away and never look back !
Start your job,save some $, get on your feet and put it in Hods hands he will guide you in the right direction Don’t look back just a stepping stone!!! Stay positive
Better to know now than later been there done that
Well meet up with him one last time and kick him in the balls really hard that might give you closure
He met someone else. Hit the gym & focus on your body & mind. Move on gracefully & make him wonder how & why
Dial a bed to buy a huge bed cash to hide the money under the mattress
What a SNAKE!! Can you get your old job & old place back? Cancel the house purchase & move back to your previous location. If that’s not possible, get an extended stay hotel room, start the new job, look for an apartment, find a therapist (after an initial in-person visit, you could zoom or have phone sessions at lunch breaks if needed if after hours is not available). Such a lot of blows all at once.
Go to something where you’ll meet people (church, bowling league, running group, quilters, art class, wherever your interests lie). Create a small group of supportive friends. Call old friends on the phone to vent. Block the a-hole on everything. Good thing he showed his nasty side before you got married. He waited for maximum chaos to come clean. You dodged a bullet, though I’m sure you’re devastated.
If you can’t go back, tell your new boss an abbreviated version of events: your BF backed out of a home purchase and a relationship all at once, so you may be a little distracted with changing addresses until things get settled.
Sometimes you gotta give yourself closure. Prayers.
Been through it myself, gave up everything for a relationship that turned sour . Serious money down the drain. Had nothing at 50 years old. Worked like a slave and found new love and back in style now but still working for a decent retirement., hold on in there and keep trying, you’ll get there . ( and yes I did think about the easy way out , it was that bad 13 years ago)
I wish I could hug you!! I can’t imagine what you’re dealing with and I don’t have any advice that hasn’t already been said. I wish you peace.
Take 6 months to yourself. Completely cut him off, no contact no discussion, nothing. Spend 6 months figuring out EVERYTHING. Figure out what you need, want, and how you plan to get it. Short term goals, long term goals, life goals. Completely cut him off while you do this. And do not contact him yourself for any reason. Allow yourself to completely reset before engaging with him in any way.
He sounds like a classic narcisst. And I’ve been there so I understand how soul shatteringly confused you are. The BEST advice, I wish I had taken is “no contact”. Allow yourself to decompress ALL of the emotions. After 6-8 months you will be a new you, and you will see things differently and it will all feel different about the whole situation.
Dont go seeking closure or try to force yourself to feel any specific way, or to process things. Dont force anything. It will come in it’s own time, when you are ready, whether you know it or not.
In the mean time, just do you. Sit down and imagine what you before you met him would have thought the perfect life would look like single, and start there. We all have that time where we think were gonna spend our life alone, so what were you gonna doing that happened?
You got this girl. You are going to be fine. You will rise above and be better overall. Just take small calculated steps until you are ready for the leaps and bounds.
You closure will be dusting yourself off and forgetting all about him. Don’t give him the satisfaction of even acknowledging him. He has done nothing but lead you on and dropped you flat on your face so he doesn’t deserve your acknowledgement. I’d go home and pick up what pieces of your life you can. If it’s not an option take the job and do what you have to.
I don’t think anyone really gets closure from a bad breakup. There aren’t ever going to be enough answers to why. So don’t even try. I would really try to move back home. I wish you the best. Stay focused on your self and your health. Try to keep busy.
Move back to your safe place. See if you can get your job back. Watch Stephan Speaks videos. They have educated me so much. They teach you how to take care of you and shows the warning signs of how to get a good relationship. God Bless you
Turn something ugly into beautiful. You are capable of turning your life around. Believe in yourself and continue to Dream. Don’t let this obstacle be your block. Take your power back and fully use it. You are a beautiful loving kind caring woman. Sending Love, Strength and Blessings
Better to get through the hard part now rather then later . It’s not gonna be easy but you need to start over . Only you will know what you need for closure but once the dust settles your main focus need to be YOU . You can do it . good luck with everything .
You are stronger than you think! Look at your options and decide what is best for you!!
Maybe this is ment to happen…maybe this is a seridipitious moment and you will start your new job just to meet the love of your life…you just never know why the pieces fall as they do…but there is a plan that is laid out way before we arrive to it. Good luck to you.
If you can… get back home to your support system. You will probably never get closure from a chicken chit… you have to close that chapter yourself…and build back. Start your job… if you like it there stay…if not…go home to your friends and family.
Take a deep breath.
Take the job.
Find friends who’ve been there.
Spend the next 6 months focused on you, and taking very good card of you.
You will be okay. Trust me.
Move on girl , he probably has a family already, you can’t trust the bum. Take the new job and. Put all your energetics in it and be thankful you didn’t marry him.
Darling - when one door close another opens- start your new job and see what’s what. Life is to short - look at it this way - today the adventure begins - if you aren’t happy do something else kiddo! Your free to be you !!!
Completely missed the red flags. Or ignored them.
You will never get closure. Each answered question will bring new questions. You just have to accept that this is the way things worked out and build from there.
Making these kinds of moves with someone you’re not married to is always risky.
Pull your pants down and give him a brown eye.
That is God’s protection. It may not seem so at the time but better things are lining up. Sometimes something that seems bad is actually setting you up for something better. Give it time. Take care of yourself… things will fall into place.
Move on let him go. Make be a life for yourself.
So sorry that he did that to you. Best words of advice I can give you are that time is really the only thing that heals as well as self care it’s okay too feel the way your feeling and to go through Your emotional issues for a little while! Then you just eventually have to suck it up and move on. I’ve been there before and it was so heartbreaking for me because I was truly in love with him but at the end of the day you can’t make someone want to be with you and love you. You have to find your own happiness again and love will come along when you least expect it
He’s a prick, and he’s just saved ya even more heartbreak if yas had of moved in together. If you can, go back home and restart your life. All the best xx
Sooooo one tip I wish I could tell my 18 yr old self… my dating self… don’t let people miss treat you - “friends”, ex’s, family. If somebody doesn’t want to be with you… move on… somebody willl… I promise… I’m married 2 kids and I wish I hadn’t wasted my time on people like that… that couldn’t see my true value. I hope you read this. Hugs … go back home… xoxo
Get the house and start that job and get a new dude, make him regret his asshole ways
Where. Have. You. Been. Live n. This. Would. Be. Hard. Really just. Out. Of. The blue. Huh?
You move on and learn your lesson. Never get rid of your friends for a partner. Never take steps like that too soon.
Start fresh and build a life for yourself.
Move on. I know it’s hard. But he has shown you EXACTLY who is. This is your time to shine. Get your shit together. Get your hair did. Get those nails done. He did you a favor so look at this as a positive opportunity to move on!
It’s hard to get that! Believe me it does get better!
Had that happen once now I will never ever move in with a man again
Girl, straighten your crown out and move on!! Your closure was when he showed his true self and backed out!
Ummm, so very confused… he was broke and you were not? You transferred jobs, got a place and he ditched you? After 2 solid years? Just poof, he is broke and doesn’t want to be with you? None of this makes any sense… I’m not being mean, I am being honest. You weren’t living together, you had your own flat and a job for 2 years and then decided to move in together close to his home and then he broke up with you, citing finacial problems as the reason, but for 2 years you had no idea he had no income?
You’re still lucky you found out now instead of later
You need to know you’re wealth, know that you’re better than this, and to know he actually did you a big favor, at least you don’t have a mortgage payment pregnant with a kid, Move back to your hometown get a job and start working out and get your confidence back
Everything in life happens for a reason. He was meant to be in your life for just a mere moment. Perhaps this change in life will be beneficial to you even though it doesnt seem like it now. Best of luck to you!
Move back to your home. Try to see if you can be rehired. Let him go or you will have much more disappointments with him. This was major.
Get as far away as possible. Don’t have any communications with him. Stay strong.
He showed who he really is…don’t even try to salvage anything. How can you ever trust him again? He will never be committed to you. Straighten your crown queen and go back to your city and start again!
I’ve had that happen. Go find a job you love. Don’t just work yourself and hope things get better. Do something you love. A job you hate won’t make you stop thinking about things. It helps a lot to be doing something you love and it really helps keep you motivated to do more because you don’t feel drained from work doing what you love.
That’s just where I started from about 2 months ago. I was completely homeless and living out of my car after a bad breakup with my ex. Literally spending hours at a laundromat charging my phone just to get to the next day until I found the job I’m with now. Now I work regularly, and even ask for extra days, while still finding time to enjoy other things and make new friends with coworkers.
If you have the time, take a week or two to yourself and do nothing for a bit. It really helps a lot with coping. Then just get out there and apply for jobs that YOU are interested in. That’ll lead to meeting people who are also similar to you and like what you like. Just don’t be looking for someone to fill in the gaps. It’ll close when it’s time. Someone will come along when you least expect it.
A lot of the comments I see are literally useless. I’m still going through this, but I’m very happy and content with my job, and motivated enough to move forward because my job doesn’t drag me down. I also have very bad anxiety and depression, so if you struggle with that hopefully this will help. I wish you well!
You can do this. Take the weekend to mourn what happened-cry, scream, punch a pillow, eat what you want when you want. Then come Monday think about what you want for yourself, write down your goals and dreams and throughout the day figure out what it is you really want. Talk to your family, if you think it will help, talk to your previous employer and do what makes your heart sing.
Yep I’d move back home he was probably a cheater it’s pretty sorry of him to do that now you look out for yourself and the hell with him do what you need what you want and throw him in the gutter
2 years is going to be a blip in your life, trust me, move on and find someone else. He will turn into just a bad memory
Never give up ur whole life for a man! Omg especially that fast…tough lesson to learn!
Could be just anxiety (cold feet)
That’s a huge decision, maybe he didnt take the stress that well and just acted before thinking…if you love him talk to him and least try to see what happen…
thats sad can u go home where you came from
Just move on do not take him back keep gping
Perhaps it’s a blessing that he did it now & not in future when there could be babies, etc.
Start over in a place of your own
Go back to where you were before and see if you can get things back, job etc…just go back home
He did you a favor doll.
Just be done with him.
Be grateful you didn’t marry him.
You will never get answers
You have to just move on and make a new life for yourself
The best advice I can give is just take it one day at a time and focus on healing.
Count your blessings it happened before you committed. You will come thru strong than ever!
Move on sweetie. I could be your grandmother and I will tell you to value your worth.
I wish I knew. After 13 years of relationship, my husband cheated on me. I had to leave our home, move to a new state and had to start from zero. It has been the hardest thing that I have gone through. Life has never been easy, but this, this has completely broken me. The only thing that keeps me going are our three beautiful children. Without them, I don’t know where I would be. All I know is, take it one day at the time. People will tell you to forget him, but it won’t be that easy. There are years of memories, laughters, tears, happy and sad moments. Something that you will not forget very easily. Just take it easy, live one day at the time, and don’t worry about your future. Live your present. But above all, learn to love yourself first. Hope you the best and may your new journey in life be better.
I’d say you dodged a bullet! You’ll get over it and go on to bigger and better things! Keep your head up
Move back to the place you lived, back to you life you had before the shmuck
Move on… I’m sure it won’t be easy but if he can pull some shit like this… I wouldn’t want to wait to see what he’ll do next.
Get back in a routine, it helps a lot because you will focus on you not the break up.
Take one day at a time and think about moving back we’re you came from. It takes time. Hang it there the sun always comes up the next day
Probably was with a narcissist, one is selfish while the other is selfless. He probably strung you along on, all talk the gift of gab, making all these plans & it was just all talk no action or initiative on his part, but you believed him & pull the weight probably, then he sees you were serious while he was full of shit the whole time. Stay strong, you probably dodged a entitled narcissist. You got your closure when he broke up with you. He just wasted your time & wasn’t fully committed.He probably want to still be on the market & buying a house with you is showing he’s definitely off the market.
You’re freeeeee run for the hills darling, and don’t look back. Take that heart break as a blessing . Change your number, block him on social media, have your support system friends & family have your back by telling him if he broke up with you he broke up with them too as well, if he ever try to get in contact with you through them. You’re going to be okay:hugs:
This could be a beautiful new beginning for you!! Move on!!
Same here, but she doesn’t recognize effort, support, love, dedication, patience and love, everything turns on her world and their parents
Start that new job & look for a place to live, everything happens for a reason.
Seems like he was waiting for the opportunity to leave. Got you right where he wanted to be just to leave you. Smh. I’m so sorry
Move on and count your blessings. I would try to move to another place to start over.
I was with my husband for 32 urs now divorced and believe me I know the hurt u feel
Girl at my age, at the amount of breakups… Forget the closure, let’s focus on ourselves! Its still hard to let go of him nomatter how much he has hurt me but don’t let the closure want him back… Now that almost made me take him back and thankful that he did me wrong again… That in itself is the closer… you don’t need anymore than what you getting. That’s the closure. It’s time to focus on yourself!! What are things that you want to do and things you want to accomplish… Etc .?? Either let him say he want you back and or let him fuck it up again. Don’t add to the energy and make things worse
Sometimes God pushes on to a path that we would had never taken if it wasn’t for circumstances, Learn to experience the moment and remember that it’s better that you weren’t stuck with supporting him and take this time to start your new job and meet new people! Treat yourself with outings and splurge yourself with love! He wasn’t the one because to walk out like that from someone’s life sounds like a coward and I would not like to be stuck with a man like that! Give yourself time to heal and remember that this pain and sorrow is because your feelings were honest! And it’s okay to feel lost and scared but in a little time you will feel like it was meant to be! People don’t know you and this will be your start over! Many people would like this opportunity and you have it!
Just be glad he did it BEFORE you bought the house!!!
Move on and enjoy your new place!
just happened to me…its ok to cry and meltdown…but brighter days are in front of you. Focus on you, family and friends, stay busy. Do all the things you love to do and you can do it by yourself!
Start your new job, look for a place, and get back out there and make new friends. You did not lose anything and its not your fault!!!
Wow! You just dodged a bullet that could have been a disaster! You lucky gal. You are woman, right? You will get thru this and prosper on the other side.When my boyfriend broke up with me. I would not let anyone see me cry.I knew it was for the best as he was a heavy drinker. My song was I’ll Get Over You by Crystal Gail.
Move on take 1 day at a time
You will be in survival mode right now. Ones things fall then work on moving on. Right now you’ll probably be so busy with your new job. That is a terrible thing to do to someone though.
You will do what you have to do to keep going because that’s what you need to do. It will hurt and suck a lot for awhile. But you move on. You may feel it gradually getting better or you may have a AHA! moment where you realize you’re not hurting as much anymore and you made it! I did it with two toddlers and a teenager, a low paying job, and absolutely no savings to fall back on - after 6 years together. If I could do it, I know you can too. The most important thing is to remember that it’s okay to feel bad. Give yourself grace but don’t give up!!
I had a guy break up with me like that out of nowhere saying his feelings changed… so like, why wait to tell me, they started to change at some point why not talk about it when you start to notice that shit is rough cuz you have no idea where it went wrong because they pretty much fake being happy ugh