How do I handle my daughter's first birthday with my estranged husband?

How do I handle my daughter's first birthday with my estranged husband?
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I would think of what you know she likes, let your husband know you think what theme would to be best & once you agree on a theme I would pretty much plan it on your own. There’s lots of cute themes you can find on Pinterest. “Donut” turn one - donut party. My daughters first birthday was mermaid / under the sea. Or just simply choose one of her favorite cartoons. Etsy and Amazon are always the places I go to for birthday stuff because they personalize a lot of things. Party city is good as well.

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How do I handle my daughter's first birthday with my estranged husband?

Might sound a little harsh in my wording but if you can’t suck it up for your daughter’s birthday then just tell him you guys will do separate parties, Yours is this day , when does he want to have his.

However , for kids sake I would invite him to the party just as any other guest for my daughter and just not talk with him a whole bunch. One reason I wouldn’t want my daughter leaving with a man she only sees once a month for a birthday party and two because it’s her birthday and we as parents and adults have to be deal with uncomfortable things for our kids sometimes.

I wouldn’t invite him, personally. He can see her before or after said party. You deserve to be able to only focus on your baby’s big day.

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Just invite him
Because sounds of it he doesn’t seem that bothered anyway he probably won’t even stay long or even turn up
Good luck :crossed_fingers:t2: xxx

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Honestly, my parents hated each other. Like constantly in court, didn’t speak to each other for years without a lawyer present hate. But on my birthday they sucked it up and dealt with it for me. My parents would stay on opposite sides of the party, concert, play, school performance… But both of them were always there. Invite him for your little girl.

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Just invite him. I hate that my husband can’t celebrate his kids birthdays with his ex, bc it’s for them. That’s when you put your differences aside. Your daughter will thank you one day for atleast trying.

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As someone who comes from 2 parents that hate each other, don’t exclude him!!! I have always told my parents that if you can lay down and make a baby together you need to have enough respect for that child to be civil with their other parent especially for birthdays and big events. At this point you both need to put your feelings for each other aside and help your daughter celebrate HER birthday. It’s not about you or him anymore!!

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Always extend the invite. He doesn’t have to show but that way you can honestly say you did your part.

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Personally I would keep it separate. X

Nope. Let her have two parties. I’ve tried doing it together with someone like that for the sake of the child and it always ended up being a disaster. But when we do it separately, our child has a blast at both parties.

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You suck it up and be the bigger person
Ignore the tension for the sake of your child because the day is about her not you

Don’t let him just drop in whenever he wants. Sit down with him & come up with a schedule. If he wants to see her once a month schedule that. Encourage him to be more involved. Discuss & hash out everything on paper. Decide who’s in charge of Dr visits/choosing her caregivers, haircuts etc. If you don’t want her ear pierced put that in it. Then go to court together & make it legal. Otherwise you will never be able to make plans without risking him ruining it. Trust me he’ll show up on Christmas morning just to get under your skin. He’ll keep you from going to things you plan etc. If it’s court ordered neither of you can argue it. You’ll also have a way to enforce what you agree with if he decides to bring her home at 3am instead of 7pm for example. As for her birthday I wouldn’t do it on her birthday. He’s going to show up. Just take her somewhere for her bday. Have the party on another day or somewhere other than your house. He can have a separate party.

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She’s one , she won’t know or remember who’s there, don’t invite him. Relax and enjoy your child’s first birthday party and hopefully in time when he matures, you’ll be able to invite him to things your child will enjoy and remember.

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You sort her birthday and just do it. Let him know when and where then leave him to it. If he shows , bonus, if he dies t, his kids and you’ll know she had the best day and you’ve made it fun and may not notice he’s not there, which is sad yes but at 1, she won’t remember. Give her the best day that you can

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I went through the same thing with my daughter, her dad came to see her for an hour on her birthday and didn’t come to the party. Just invite him and if he does show, keep the peace. He probably won’t stay long

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So he comes over to see her occasionally and you are ok if he comes over before the party to wish her happy birthday but you are worried about him being at the actual party?? I would feel less awkward with lots of other people around than just us…invite him for your daughters sake.

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I am going to be that mom; your relationship with her father has absolutely nothing to do with your daughter. It’s her birthday, it’s her daddy and you should be adult enough to separate those feelings. Your inability to suck it up for a couple hours is not your daughters emotional baggage to carry (even at 1 years old). Invite the dad because it’s your daughters party not yours and then when she’s old enough she won’t ask you why you didn’t at least try. If you try and he doesn’t come through, let him be the one to carry that weight. Not you, not her. Good luck mama. You can do this, you can be strong and you will get through it. Keep in mind, having other people around will ease the awkwardness and treat him like a guest at the party, don’t expect him to help or do things for you because that will just work you up emotionally when he doesn’t preform how you expect him to. I believe in you.

Suck it up for your child’s benefit. You should be capable of putting your grievances aside for one day and be cordial with one another.

Invite him, let him know that the party is for her and not you you guys, so no arguing or he will have to leave. Just keep it about her. And if he does say something at the party keep your cool and ignore it till after and then deal with it.

Easy don’t invite him… it’s his responsibility to have his own party for her. I never did that stuff together with my ex but we do like a few hours away. Just you,your child and family. You don’t owe him or anyone else nothing. Also if her birthday is in his time do it before she goes or when she comes home. Get custody established and follow the guidelines. Give him his weekends if he choose not to take them that’s on him. Split holidays and birthdays every other year. Look at your country parenting time guide lines online.

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If you aren’t even on speaking terms I wouldn’t think having him around for the party would go well. He can do something for her on his own if he wants.

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Id invite him…then its up to him. If he doesn’t come id not invite him next year unless he stepped up as a father

Invite him he is her father be courteous and respectful if you love your daughter if you don’t than be a self center selfish “mom” :face_with_raised_eyebrow:

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Invite him and hopefully you guys can leave the adult business out of your daughter’s birthday.

I told my ex-Husband that he/they could either come to each Child’s Gathering or have them one at their place.
This included the Easter Egg Hunt. There was not any issues. I was included in the Friends and Family Day and he, his Wife and myself have sat to the same table and supped.
Why??
Because we are still Family.
Just more extended.

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Make it special for your daughter. If I were you. I will not invite him. He is never there during and after pregnancy. He is not needed in any occasions.

If you’re not together have separate parties

Just don’t invite him :woman_shrugging:t5: you’re throwing the party. If he wants to celebrate her birthday he can throw her a separate party. Having a kid together does not mean you have to be around your ex at all​:woman_shrugging:t5:

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A one year old doesn’t need a big party - just have the grandparents, close family members and a few friends for ice cream and cake - that’s all she will understand. You can tell her dad about it and let him decide if he wants to come.

Surround yourself with friends and family who will be the buffer between you two. Don’t sweat it beforehand because he may not show anyway. Look at it as a few hours out of an entire life with your child.

Or maybe suggest to him he do his own thing with the baby this year and leave you to do yours until the feelings between you aren’t so raw. Maybe next year things will be calm enough to allow you to be at the same event without such animosity.

I agree with holding future joint birthdays outside of your homes (parks, pizza joints, children’s play places, etc.). That way it doesn’t feel like either ex is “invading” the other’s home.

Focus on your child and treat him as you would any other “guest” at a party. You have to put your child first, and forget about all the messiness between the 2 of you.

Invite him. If he shows up, remember that is the day to celebrate your child’s birthday. Push your feelings towards him aside and make sure it’s all about her. You don’t even have to speak to him, if you don’t want to. One thing I will suggest, take at least 1 nice picture with all 3 of you. Your daughter will appreciate it when she’s older…

She’s only going to be 1. Babies that age really have no idea what’s going on their birthday. I wouldn’t let him do his own celebration with her as he doesn’t see her much at all and therefore she doesn’t know him, and she could really feel afraid. As for him coming to your place, ask him I’m sure he won’t feel at ease being around people he never sees, so he probably won’t show up. Or ask him to come over and spend an hour or so before the party starts.

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Invite him but don’t expect anything. My own husband refused to show up for our daughter’s birthday and then left me on the day of her party.

I have a bday party on my own no EX involved. Your EX can throw her a bday party if he wants to. It’s annoying after spending on a bday party and the other parent just wants to stroll in and act like they contributed…:100:

Either invite him or offer to let him have his own for her. She wont remember so all she will have is pictures. If you want the illusion everyone got along then i would say do one party and take some family pics together. If not i would advise letting him have his own so when she is older she can see pictures from both sides and not assume one parent was keeping her from the other.

Let him bring it up. It’s your house. Enjoy the baby’s birthday.

Me personally would have him there when there’s other people there than him been there on his own,
Give him the option of an invite to the party or do something his self