How do I help my friend?

She has been in a relationship for I think about 5 years. Everything seemed great but recently her boyfriend cheated... sexually,kissing,oral and also made a snap chat and texted the woman for 2 months.. I know I can't tell her to just leave and I need to just be there for her in whatever decision she makes. I just want her to know she is worth so much more than that. What would you do in her situation? If the cheating wasn't just a one night stand but something that was ongoing? Where he had a girl's number saved under a mans name? Is that forgiveable? The girl spends quite a bit of time at his place of employment for extra curriculars with her kid so that is a huge issue. What do you do in this situation? Can he be faithful? Please post anonymously!
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I would tell her to leave. Especially if the girl continues to be at his place of employment. It’s not like a one night stand or “mistake”, he intentionally put her number and saved it as a guy, made a separate snapchat account, etc. she is worth so much more then that & I hope she realizes that even though it feels like the end of the world, she will find someone who makes her happier then she’ll ever know. Regardless, it’s nice to be a good friend and support her no matter what.

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How do I help my friend?

The only thing you can do is not turn your back on her if she decides to stay. It’s her choice.

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Console your friend but mind your business

It’s not an isolated situation. It’s a situation that was prolonged. There is definitely an emotional bond there. If your friend is wanting to work it out, help her find them help as a couple. If she is wanting to be done with him, help her find the necessary resources to leave him in a healthy manner. All you can do is have her back. Only give her your opinion if she asked.

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Be a good friend. Yes, I am sure that we all hope that she leaves, especially those of us who have been in her shoes. Either decision that she makes, she needs a good friend. Forgiving this will be overwhelming, but being a single parent is also overwhelming. She needs support through this.

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Listen to her. Don’t give opinions or judgment. If you do and she goes the opposite way it could ruin your friendship. Just be there for her to vent to

She knows what’s to do if she knows that he did this. All you can do is be there for her that’s it but stay out of it. She knows her options too abt leaving or staying etc.

The best thing you can do for your friend is just support her in whatever choices she makes. It’s her decision to either stay or leave let her make it without trying to persuade her because eventually that’ll come back and bite you in the rear

In this situation I would mind my own business and you should also.

Just be there for your friend and the inevitable chaos that will ensue. If youre willing, that is.

Remind her, constantly, what beauty and love she deserves to be treated with. Do this without saying “you deserve so much better,” all the time. It’s fine to speak your truth, but so often we watch our loved ones dissappear into situations like this out of shame for staying in the first place after telling friends/loved ones about the bad.

Make it clear that you love her, but not her relationship. Make whatever help you’re willing to offer clear, as well as the willingness to find assistance that you can’t offer.

Keep being a great friend. Keep reminding her of her worth. Talk freely and openly about standards that you have/will develop. About the way you wish you could see her cherished.

That is a problem no matter what

You can ask her questions to help her make decisions and then listen to her answers. Otherwise only offer advice of she asks. You can provide her with a list of various resources she can use, then leave it at that. Take her out to have fun to get her mind off her troubles once in a while. Maybe let her stay with you for a day, night, or weekends for a change of scenery.

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How do I help my friend?

She needs to leave, it’s been a prolonged period of time and he won’t change… He’d just change the phone contact name. He obviously isn’t that bothered about hiding it e.g the snapchat so as hard as it is she needs to cut her losses and leave for her own sake and her mental health. You can be there for her support and help her move her stuff etc but I wouldn’t support her if her decision is to stay in the relationship as it will become toxic and hurt her more but she might not be willing to accept that at this point and just want to try make things work but… They never will and she’ll never trust him again. You need to help her see that it will be healthy for her to move on despite it’ll be hard to accept

But you can tell her that she needs to leave. And it’s kinda stupid of her if she does stay.

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How do I help my friend?

My husband did this and it hurt like hell and it still does if she loves him than all she can do is pray for him and make him prove it is going to change like show he’s being a better man counseling god something

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As a woman who has been through this shit… I found I only had two good friends in the end… They are the ones who spoke up they are the ones who called him out they are the ones who made their voices heard… Thats what a friend does they are not there to sugar coat things and tell you want to hear… They keep it real 100%
I was married and had two kids and a a daughter I considered mine for 11 years… He was a lowsey husband and father never physically abusive but mentality he was pure evil…
One night one of my very best friends broke it down to me… He said is this the way you want your daughter to grow up and think a man is supposed to treat her? Then he asked is this the way you want your son to treat the woman he grows to love?
I would be lieing if I said those questions didnt piss me off… I was mad as hell I told my bff where to shove it and a few other words…
But now 12 years later living a good life 100% free to just be me with an amazing family and friends I could not be more greatful for his honesty! I needed to hear the hard truth and he loved me enough to be the bad guy and say it… He knew it could end the friendship but he trusted in the power of that friendship to be a true friend… I will be forever greatful for that…
Now just some background yes my best friend referenced here is a male. We have been friends for nearly 30 years and have never crossed the friendship line. He is and was married when this happened… Just saying male or female has nothing to do with friendship

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Love her. Support her. Be there for her.
She needs to be able to make choices not be told what to do.

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I think a good friend would absolutely tell her that she needs to leave!

Remind her that She has kids and she can’t be setting an example to them that women are to be used, abused and taken advantage of. Remind her that she deserves so much more and help her find the inner strength to demand it for herself by walking away from anyone who abuses her love and trust.

A leopard doesn’t change his spots. You can be the friend who encourages her to leave the toxic relationship that’s draining her of happiness, that’s leaving her feeling deceived, depressed and used. And you can be the friend who’s her rock…who supports her emotionally as she inevitably deals with the heartbreak and sorrow that precedes healing. And you can be the friend who can celebrate with her as she finds her next chapter in life. You can be the friend who saw the storm coming and warned her to move to safety, before everything in her life was completely destroyed and before she was too weak to pick herself up from the destruction of the storm. You can be her strength as she moves on to a happier, healthier place. You can help her find her dignity again, her self-worth, her self-esteem….

Or

You can watch her crumble apart as things continue to worsen. You can stand idly, telling yourself that “it’s not your place” as this man continues to disrespect and hurt her. You can try to convince yourself that you are just trying to be respectful of her choices, while she is too emotionally destroyed to be able to make good ones. You can be silent when you should be shouting. You can bite your tongue or you can grab her hand and help her to see that there are certain (understood) thresholds that are never to be crossed! Show your friend that you love her so much that complacency was out of the question. I suppose the real question is how much you care about your friend.

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I don’t see how this is even a problem… WHY can’t you be her TRUE friend and tell her straight up, “he effed up, if you choose to work it out JUST because you have been faithful and committed for five years … so be it but I wouldn’t be able to lay with a man who had his body on another woman and I certainly wouldn’t trust where his mouth has been… but I got your back no matter what”
For ME personally I wouldn’t have to give it a nanosecond more of thought. I’d be packing my crap and staying with my friend or my momma. It doesn’t matter how it started or why… it happened. I don’t give a rats behind WHY she goes to his work…. He proved he can’t be faithful and he can’t ask her NOT to take her kids there (he truly can but whatever) so he will still see her. He went so far as to hide her number under a different name??
Yeahhhhhhh, no. I’d NEVER be able to trust him farther than I could throw him. I refuse to make myself go through the agony of looking at his lying face and always wondering and wanting to snoop on his phone. That’s no life for me. My mental health and my heart and spirit are more important than the hurt I feel the moment I walk away and never look back. And I wouldn’t fall for the SOB story and the lies of “I won’t do it again!”…. Like that will hold water??? Ppfftttt nope! What is different about tomorrow? You obviously couldn’t NOT cheat yesterday and ONLY feel remorse and sorrow because you got CAUGHT!!!
You buy some wine (if you two are of legal age) some ice cream and pizza and just let her cry it out.

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YOu tell you that you are there for her… NO matter what. Just be there.

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You know you gotta say something. Those questions…cant be answered…you already know. Do what you’d want if it was you

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every woman has to reach her own level of bullshit she will accept. friends should just be there for support, as long as that role is not dangerous or draining.

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be a friend, stay out of it…and be there when she comes to you.

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Cheap gps tracker… old iPhone turn off all sounds … use find my iPhone app… then pay them a visit… make sure the woman knows whats up… odds are she dont

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You could use this post as like an ice breaker, say you saw it and ask her what she would do. And then just do what she would do

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She confided in you im guessing. Mind your own. She’ll never leave unless she’s ready . Been there. Got that t-shirt.

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Ive learned it’s always better to keep opinions on friends partners and relationships to myself. She’s going to stay if she wants no matter what anyone tells her until she hits her limit. Be supportive and let her know you’re here for her no matter what she decides to do, you love her and just want her to be happy. Let her vent, cry, scream, do whatever she needs but don’t tell her what to do.

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I’d mind my business because you can’t help someone who doesn’t want to be helped. He’s clearly cheating, if she wants to accept it that’s on her. I just tell my friends in this situation, do not come to me complaining I don’t care and don’t wanna hear it.

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What she decides is 100% HER choice. You don’t have to agree, you don’t have to like it, nor do you have to forgive him. You should however, be there when she needs a heart to talk to and a shoulder to cry on. If she asks your opinion, be honest and tell her how you feel. Otherwise, all you can really do is be there for her. This happened to her, it is up to her how to handle it regardless of how anyone else feels. She is the only one who can decide what she will and will not tolerate.

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Being the “friend” you seem to know a lot of details about this man’s cheating… That it’s on-going, not a one stand, info on snap chat, how they hang out and where, how her name is stored in his phone??? Makes me wonder who in fact the other woman actually is…:woman_shrugging:t2:

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That’s not just cheating. That’s pre-meditated deception. Communicating two months. Yeah, he can hit the road.

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Most ppl know when they are being cheated on and leave when they want…
“Dont shoot the messenger” is a VERY VERY OLD saying and it hasnt stuck around this long for no reason

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She won’t see her worth until, she is ready. Nothing you can say or do.

I know thats your friend but if you want to keep her your friend, this is not an area to have an open opinion. If she chooses to stay and you verbalize your disagreement, she will walk away from you. All you can do is be there quietly and prepared to pick up the pieces when the :poop: hits the fan.

I think you being her friend you need to butt out. And let her make her own mind up on this… why add to things that she may already know more than you may think…

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Don’t say to much she might take it badly and she’s going to need a friend because it’s going to end badly :thinking:

Not your business. Your friend is grown, just be there for her when she needs you.

You better tell her straight up!!! She don’t need no man like that! She deserves better! Just cause you’re her friend, doesn’t mean you need to sugar coat with her! Be the friend that shows her why she deserves better. Right now, her mental state and confidence is taking a hit. Help her build it back.

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Unfortunately all you can to is just be there for her, you can give her all the advice in the world but that doesn’t mean she will change her current situation. If I was her I would go talk to this other women and him both together.

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This is a tough situation. I had a friend who was debating leaving her cheating husband, together 21 years. I told her that I would support her choices no matter what but I couldn’t act normal at barbecues like nothing was wrong around her husband anymore. I also told her that I respected how many years they’ve been together but she deserve to be happy and show her children that kind of behavior is not acceptable. He moved out of state for a job and now she’s moving to reconcile with him. She kept saying she wasn’t meeting his need sexually and I told her that adults are responsible for communicating those needs.
One thing I did tell her though is I didn’t want to talk too much s*it because if (when) they reconciled that would make things awkward between us. Mainly she wanted to vent about it 😮‍💨🤦

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That’s a hard spot the obviousness is the hard part she needs to leave he doesn’t love her and will continue this behavior maybe not right away but it will happen again :pensive: she has to see that for herself though I would be supportive but also just super straight forward and tell her either way you will support her

Kick him to the curve- life’s to short

Tell her to either leave him or let him cheat in peace. Those are honestly her only options at this point

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No this is not forgivable. This is wrong on every level and cheating with intention. She needs to leave him.

She should get rid of him.

If you know then tell her

That’s not really a decision YOU can make.

My best friend of 16 years has been going back & forth with her husband for 2 years. Do I hate him? Absolutely. Does she deserve better? ABSOLUTELY!! …but, that’s not my call. I’m respectful when he is around, because I love her & am here for HER through every walk of life with no judgement. …just like she has been for me.

Have I voiced my opinion to her before? Yes. …she knows exactly how I feel. But I don’t bring it up every time she talks about him… another argument… or bad situation. I just let her vent & console her when needed.

We all learn when we’re ready.

Just be her FRIEND. :heart:

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The way you help is you stay quiet and listen. That’s it. When she’s ready to leave she’ll let you know.

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I learned the hard way to be there but reserve my opinions about what they should do. I told my friend her bf cheated on her and that he was an asshole that she should dump. They made up and then we were never the same. He didn’t want me around and yeah, my good intentions blew up in my face.

I would give him the meanest basssshhh…I hate sneaky slimy stink snakes yuuuccckkk

No trust, no relationship!

Deal breaker heart breaker

Mind your business
Leave him

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How do I help my friend?

I would love to have a friend like you. You seem to truly love her and think highly of her. That is what we’re all looking for in a dear friend.
Sadly, she can’t see herself through your eyes. But I can imagine standing by her while she must make these decisions for herself (and yes. SHE needs to make these decisions.) You just being there through some of her worst days will be something she will always appreciate.
But here’s the real…
If he thinks so poorly of her to do this… She needs to break it off. Sounds like he doesn’t want to be with her anyway or wants his cake and eat it too? Either way… He. Is. So. WRONG.
I personally, would state your case to her… Remind her that this is HER decision to make and remind her that you’ll be there when she needs you.
Just remember to protect your energy as well. Being a good friend is a precious thing… But not at the cost of your well being. This is sadly HER situation. Don’t get in the middle of it. :purple_heart: Thank you for being such a good person. You and others like you are appreciated.

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I would mind my business and stay out of her relationship. I always (jokingly) tell my friends, I will go with you to slash his tires, & the next day stand by your side as you marry him. Who you decide to be with is up to you, I will love & support you in any decision you make

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Somebody better pull up their big girl panties and leave you really need stranger’s on the internet to tell you what you already know. If she’s not bothered enough to leave why are you they could have an understanding you know nothing about sounds like a great time to mind your business

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Once a cheater always a cheater. There will never be no trust

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You send love and support and you allow her to make decisions and mistakes on her own. A lot of friendships break when we tell our friends what to do and they still want to stay with their partners. At the end of the day, the life lesson is hers, the experience is hers, and as frustrating as it is, she is the only one who needs to go through it.

It has to be her decision but personally I would dump him in a quick minute!

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He knoes exatcly what his doing especially putting her name under a mans name he knows its wrong your friend needs to see her worth if he truly loved her this would not have happened she deserves so much better.

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Be there for her when it all comes crashing down, and it will. He can not be trusted and he will not change. If it’s not her it will be someone else. It won’t get better. Hopefully she will soon see her true worth and realise she is worth more. The best you can do is be by her side and remind her how amazing she is. Remind her she is strong, loving, caring and a beautiful person who deserves the best of everything.

this is not your decision, Plus how do you know she doesn’t or isn’t aware of this? But I do like that you will be there for her, if needed, I will ask, just how do you know he has this girls phone number under a man’s name??? You go thru his phone???

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My husband cheated on me year 6 and I stayed… fast forward to year 14 and im still bitter and angry and borderline hate him.

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Tell her exactly what you’ve said here.

No he won’t be faithful. She needs to kick him to the curb

Just be there. I’d ask if she wanted input before I gave it. Try to be as objective as you’re able to and speak from a place of love. These situations are so difficult. As much anger I’d have towards my best friends husband, my love for her would guide me. Although, I’d probably voice that I’d like to throat punch the guy…:rofl: that’s just my personality type. I’d never treat him any differently if they stayed together out of respect for my friend.

Your friend has to decide when she has had enough. You can’t tell her that. Just listen, and support her. She needs a venting person right now, and someone that loves her.

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I would tell my friend to leave him

Yeah she needs to make him leave it’s not forgivable he’s a douche

It is not your business.

Id tell my friend to leave :woman_shrugging:t3:

Once a cheater, always a cheater! If you allow it once he will except your worth as very low and do it again and ANY physical or cyber based deviation from the relationship is absolutely cheating!
You must set your worth high from day 1 or you will continue down the path of looser after looser.
That being said some women just cling to these type of men and there is nothing you can do.
I hope she will wake up and realize there are tons of men who will respect and love you the way you deserve if you demand and expect it from day 1.
Good luck

Never trust a cheater again.

You cannot make her decision for her. Only she can. If you decide she should leave and she stays it will be your fault when he cheats again. Stay out of it.

Be there for her and give her your honest opinion. But at the end of the day its her choice and her life to live. Once a cheat always a cheat is not true if he really wants her he will change if not eventually she will have enough and leave just be there for her.

People can change, but i would suggest to her couples counseling… also communicating is 100% important for them as well, they have to talk, earn trust back and learn each others love Language, if they want to stay together, and she should also get some kind therapy as well, just for her well being…
Don’t over step, but do be there and just try to help.

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Just be there for her and listen to her. I wouldn’t give advice unless she asks. Be helpful at levels that are comfortable for you. Suggest therapy.

Its her choice, be a good friend and support her decision x

Be there for her let her know u are there and will stand behind her whatever she decides

If she decides to leave, take her to your place. If she decides to stay and be with him, support her be there for her…

If she knows, tell her you are there to listen. No opinions. Actually you’re there to listen either way

You tell her: I love you, I care about you, and whatever decision you choose to make I will be there to support you in any way I can.

He’s not going to be faithful. He’s already proven that he can’t be. One night stand or long running affair, it doesn’t matter. And if he still has this chicks number and still talks to her, it’s still going on and probably not going to stop. If your friend forgives him, all that’s gonna do is give him the green light. He will know he can cheat and when caught all he has to do is apologize and she will forgive him.

If I were your friend (and you were a REAL friend) I’d want your honest opinion and support. She needs to either leave him or be content with his extracurricular activities.

Tell her to leave he wants to have his cake and eat it too

He doesn’t love or respect her. He should be kicked to the curb.

be there for her let her vent without judging her choice. choices are hard to make without someone saying I told you so.

You can talk to her and listen to her and let her know what you think but the decision is ultimately hers. Sometimes we gotta stick by our friends while they do stupid sh*t with their lives. Just love her and don’t judge her. She needs her beastie now more than ever.

I mean obviously he can’t be faithful. He’s doing this on an ongoing basis and actively hiding it from her.
Maybe you should tell her to leave. Maybe she will leave , maybe she won’t . But at least you actually will be telling her that cheating is bad enough to break up over, if you suggest she breaks up with him.

Is this a friend?! Or you? If its a friend, just stand by, nothing you can do. And my advice either way would be, if he did it once, he will likely do it again (especially because there were no real consequences). With that being said, sometimes people do change but that’s unlikely and rare.

I can see how this would be a hard loss after 5 years but God works in mysterious ways and sometimes these (“bad”) things come to us in life to redirect us on a new brighter path, including better and more fulfilling relationships.

The extracurricular place isn’t really a major consideration. Find a new place or ignore him.

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If he goes to that great length to hide what he’s doing then there’s more going on. No one who really loves and wants to be with you would keep hiding things from you.

I think the trust between her and her man is already broken she will always be wondering if he is cheating if she wants counseling but he doesn’t than the chances for them are slim I hope she does what she feels is right just support her by being there for her in whatever she decides to do cause norther what she will need u as a friend

Just be there for her and let her know everything going on so she can make the best choice for herself

I would take my friend on a weekend getaway and do something fun to show you care and be there for her but I wouldn’t say anything about the relationship at all! Supporting your friend sometimes means just being there and supporting in ways the boyfriend won’t!

If she dont know her worth an deserves better she is not gonna leave be that good friend that encourages her to love herself let her know how you feel but be a good listener more

Nobody but her and him can do anything about the situation. I don’t know why people put this stupid crap on FB.