My husband and I have been married 5 years, together 10. We have an almost 4 year old daughter- who’s so perfect. I’ve been wanting another for a couple years now, but due to all our issues I don’t know if we ever will get there.
When we started out, we had nothing. I was working 2 jobs to make ends meet. We ended up moving out of state to pursue my career right before we got married. He took a job, hours were cut. We also found out we were having a baby. He then started his current job (decent pay, good benefits). It’s an insanely stressful, mentally taxing job and changing him drastically in the last 3.5 years he’s been there. He’s become so mean, dismissive and pretty self absorbed. He complains he’s missing out on our daughter and time with me, but his actions don’t line up with these sentiments at all.
We’ve gone through marriage counseling because I’ve had concerns in the past that aren’t being met with any effort/change.
He also complains that I’m “controlling” with money, so this is the reason he’s opened a separate checking account from ours behind my back and has $100being deposited in from each paycheck.
He has attribute me being controlling when I’d be on him for spending money. During this time of me voicing my concerns, we had no money, a new baby and he’d spend $300 a month on junk food/drinks at the gas station. 
I was told well “you want me to make money, I need to stay f**** awake”- just awful.
Another big issue… I just want to spend quality time together and have a little attention when he’s home. Reality is he leaves for work at 430am and gets home around 8pm, he then takes a 45 min shower. He’s off 1-2 days a week (usually weekday when I’m at work). We have maybe a 5-10 min conversation prior to him falling asleep when he’s been at work.
We never go out, he doesn’t plan things, I manage all of the bills (except a few he puts on autopay), take care of our daughter 95% of the time, set up appts, grocery shop/meals, clean, laundry, work my own full time job… I just want a partner and I don’t feel like I’m getting it. He’s also taken to smoking cigars daily (was former cigarette smoker). I’ve literally begged him to stop-we have a child and I certainly need him as well. It’s so bad health wise… Plus it’s disgusting.
When I voice my concerns( about anything), he gets defensive, dismissive or gets super angry and leaves the house for 1-2 hours to “cool” off. He comes back, takes his 45 min shower and never brings it up… if he does it’s to not accept blame or insinuate that I’m crazy / “this is why I had to leave”. He never apologizes for yelling at me or asking how we can fix things, just blames me. He pushes me to my breaking point and then calls my reactions of yelling back / being short “crazy”
He’s supposed to leave work at 6pm everyday, but something always comes up and it’s usually 730ish before he’s heading home. The other day he let it slip that “sometimes, I just don’t want to come home… because this is what I have to deal with”. 
I don’t know what to do anymore… I’ve suggested counseling again, but his lack of effort last time doesn’t have me positive. At the very least, I’m going to start it for myself. I just want our marriage to be happy and healthy. I’m getting to the point that I don’t know how much I can fight alone though…
Sunshine you need to read what you have wrote and very carefully he doesn’t have a problem you do he’s fine with the way things are so you need to look at it from a different set of eyes
Well I’d like to hear the outcome because I have a daughter in this situation for the last 5years. I call you dependent. Thinking you can change someone is not possible. So if you want to continue with someone who is unhappy in his predicament, waste you life. Unhealthy
Sounds like you got the second child you wanted. And, people do what you let them do. Leave his ass, because it sure sounds like you can do all that mess by yourself already, why add extra weight/stress.
Does anybody pray any more we have all become so people reliant…Start praying for him start praying for the family unit.
What I see is a man who is drifting away from you and has began talking to someone else.
Stop complaining …pray and ask for direction …and guidance …not from us but from Him who sees everything.
I believe that you have probably come to the end of a relationship that has gone stale …you may both need to take a break and stop wasting each others time …you begin to also put away 100usd till you can settle yourself.
Let the man be free.
Maybe he’s saying he’s spending all that on food or whatever but what if he’s hitting the bar after work for a hour or two and that’s where it’s going. Just a thought. Mine used to do that. Now he’s not my problem no more lol
Uhhh that’s called gaslighting…
So sad for you… I hope you kick him out…
Here’s my thing spending $300 a month on junk food and sodas okay my family does that while we’re out working. We got to have something to snack on and we got to have something to drink. I bet you we spend $300 a month on all the cakes I bake in the oven cookies I bake in the oven etc. First of all counseling doesn’t work my parents made me go to counseling because of my disabled father for years never done a thing for me. Okay it sounds like he’s working his ass off to support his family and you’re just nagging him about everything. Let it go if you wind up pregnant with another baby then that’s what the Lord intended for you. If not then the Lord didn’t intend that for you. You can’t force people into having a baby and you can’t force people into stop smoking you can’t force people into not having sodas or snacks. You can’t force people to spend time with you and you can’t force people to not take a 45 minute shower. Take it from somebody who’s been married for nearly 14 years dealing with full crap for The last 5 years of it. First of all people are grown if you was talking to me I would let you know hey I’m a grown person I’ll do what I want when I want and how I want. Same with my husband. Unless he’s cheating you know come on what’s the problem?? I’m going to tell you to you like this my daddy worked at a factory night shift was a fireman and a lifeguard when I was a child my mother worked at night and days at a nursing home I spent most of my time with a babysitter. Do you think my parents had that much time together? No my father was taking care of his son and paying child support and taking care of his new family as well. Personally I think you need to figure out more time to take care of your kid. Maybe you need to separate from them old man and let it go. Because it sounds like you can do everything by yourself. So here’s my advice either deal with it or figure out a way to deal with it or change it or change it by leaving and making a life for yourself and your kid. It’s as simple as that I agree with the other person you need to read exactly everything you just wrote. Read it very carefully!!! Because it sounds like he don’t have the problem and you do. Oh my goodness if I rag my husband’s ass every time he bought a soda he would be so mad at me. People have to drink people have to eat I mean that’s the way you live. So again the only person that can change it is yourself and you have to get up and do it
Girl, you can do bad all by yourself
Women let’s begin a movement where we help bring up our children to value life each other value the tenets of marriage ,work ,
peace Too many worthless issues going on in the world
Let’s teach them about our creator and how we can become better versions of ourselves …