How do I make this right?

you did what you could, time to make new traditions

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You reached out. You did your part. Now time to cut the cord. Family or not, toxic is toxic.

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You can’t make it right. Protect the children. All of them!

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She needs to make it right.

You set a boundary and she decided it was better to lose time with her family than try to respect it.

You can reach out and remind her that you still want her there. But DO NOT back down on your boundary.

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You are the mother and your husband the father. You dont need a toxic grandparent around. The fact she can even act that way toward a child says all you need to know and you have nothing to make right. All that should matter is YOUR family. That’s you, hubby and kids. It might be hard for them to understand but it’s harder when they have to be felt to made they dont matter to someone who clearly is a self centered butthead. She wouldn’t see any of us at all acting that way. Hubby should be disgusted with her behavior and neither of you should tolerate it one more minute. Her ignorance is her fault not yours. Make your own family traditions and stand firm on her bad behaviors. Teach your kids their worth.

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If she can’t treat all the children the same then I wouldn’t have them around her anyway. Children are affected by that kind of treatment and it’s devastating to them, far more than someone not wanting them in their lives. I don’t know why you’d want to go around someone, no matter who they are, if they can’t treat all children as equals!!!

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Wow! Sounds like she had ill feelings for u from the gate and her true colors are showing.

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She needs to make it right not you. You did what you should’ve and spoke up for your child. Start making your own family traditions.

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Well your husband should stand up for you, and tell his mother to grow tf up and you are his wife and the mother of his children and she needs to respect you. If she doesn’t want to treat your kids right then don’t even bother with her at the holidays.

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Sounds like a botch. She should be ashamed of her self. How can she not treat all the kids the same. Has she no common sense? How would she feel if someone did that to her kids. Your husband should have a little talk with her. He should talk with brothers/sisters and see what they have to say on the subject.

It seems the problem is within herself an not you, id give her the same treatment ignore her dpnt even bother she tries. To contact you ignore it, wait until the day she actually begs you for something to even acknowledge her, sounds like shes a bitter mil

You don’t need to make this right. She’s the one who has drawn the line concerning CHILDREN. The best you can show your kids is that you will fight for then when ANYONE treats them poorly. Including family.

Make your own traditions and never settle for less than your children deserve

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If she treats them diff dont expose your kids to her. Its prob better in long run

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You can’t make it right, it’s clear. She is going to continue to be childish. I’d just give up trying since your efforts have been shut down.

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Just because someone is blood it doesn’t make them family. You do not need to subject yourself or your children to her just because she shares some DNA. Stop trying to reach out to her, let her get, create your own memories with your family and don’t worry about her.

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Sounds like your husband needs to put his foot down with his Mother and tell her to grow the f*** up!!

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You don’t. Fuck that bitch. Kids learn early people suck.

If you are comfortable with your kids going but not you then I would do that for a while. Your kids are hurt by her lack of involvement so you can make that part right and let your husband regulate his mother and her behavior.

There isnt anything for YOU to make right. She is the one who caused this. She needs to make it right

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You can’t make it right this is in her court. You stood up for your kids and she didn’t like it. If she cared enough about her grandkids she would have made an effort. Unfortunately the kids are the ones who suffer the most Bc they don’t understand. But toxic people are toxic regardless of family or not. They’re going to get older and see what you saw. You’re doing the right thing and I’m glad your husband has your back as he should.

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Honestly my parents treated my step kids when i was married just like as if they were mine . Personally they shouldn’t feel like an outcast in the new family . That’s your MIL decision and you are protecting your kids. All kids should be treated equally period

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The thing is you can always say how you feel. It does not mean the other person as to be ok with it.

Your MIL is a bitch! Im sorry but she is. No normal loving mom would do that to her son. Let alone her grandchildren.

Sounds similar to what I went thru w my mil. It will be 2 yrs this Christmas we haven’t spoke to her. She decided to tell me she didn’t consider my 2 oldest kids her grandkids bc her son isn’t their Bio dad at our Christmas gathering. (Been together 10 yrs at the time) Mind u she did this after she opened the gift we got her which was a shirt w all the grandkids names on it. I was so hurt so I kicked her out and haven’t spoke to her since and neither has her son bc we both view our 3 kids OURS. Sending u big hugs!

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Yeah your husband needs to stick up for you but if I were you I wouldn’t ever reach out to her or see her. Good riddance. In no way shape or form is it okay for her to treat your kids differently. That shows the person she is.

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Mama NO this ain’t on you this is on her. She is obviously a trash man and deserves to be left outside of your lives. That’s it! Your oldest is allowed to know what’s going on and learn all actions have consequences and hers is to not have your family present

Your husband needs to put her in her damn place. Start your own traditions. What does the rest of the family say

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You don’t make it right. She’s the issue. Cut the toxicity out and don’t look back, make new traditions and your kids will be none the wiser.

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Don’t make it right, start your own traditions and be a better MIL to your kids spouses

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Kids see when they aren’t treated the same and they are kids so they don’t understand why they are treated different than the rest and it’s hurtful for them. You voiced you concerns and her reaction and behavior is childish. It’s probably best to keep that distance for your childrens sake.

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The problem kid with your husband he needs to stand up for your and set his mom straight.she should treat all her grandkids the same I understand you confront her you were protecting your kids I would have done the same

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I have been in that situation before when I was with my ex we have 2 children together and I have one that I had before and his family tried to treat my oldest different and i stood up and said if you can’t treat them all the same then you womt have anything to do with any of them needless to say I never went to any family functions after that

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She needs to grow up. She’s an immature child and a manipulating bitch at that. I’d cut her off 100%

I have an issue with my Grandkids Mother and they both has kept my Grandkids away from me and my Sons and Family! We have been nothing but loving to the Mother and Grandkids. They turned the Grandkids away from my Sons and Family. My Sons ended the relationship with the Mother’s because of toxic relationships on their behalf and they don’t allow the kids to have a relationship at all with their Dads or our Family. They have gotten child support from my Sons but it was never enough :rage:. So I decided to let go and let God. I pray for my Grandkids always that are now Adults and if they don’t want to have a relationship with us that’s find. I decided that none of it is worth the drama. I have 3 that love me no matter what. Give your situation to God and enjoy your own Family. Karma will catch up with them :two_hearts::pray:. You don’t need the drama sweetie. Just ask God he will take care of it all . Love the ones who show you love​:heart::pray:

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I have been dealing with this except with my sister in law. I was given the advice, don’t let anyone destroy the family you have. Does it hurt? Yes. However you can create new traditions and know that the children will no longer feel tension, just love.

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Don’t do anything, it’s not your job to make sure others have a relationship with your kids and me personally, anyone with any type of sideways feelings about me or don’t respect me does NOT matter WHO they are they will not be around my son anyway.

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Cut her off. Did it with my MIL…with aporoval from husband…when she wanted to treat my kids differently and it atarted causing them to fight. Some people dont need to be around kids.

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Fuck her and her life some grandparents dont deserve good manners and they only care about their own feelings

She sounds awful, and not a good role model on how to treat people. If she can’t rise above for the sake of the kids then she isn’t worth having in their lives. You may realize, long term, that you dodged a bullet. She may be willing to share space with your kids but I think she is just going to speak nasty about you to them and that is worse than them not seeing her at all.

Or you could totally kiss her ass, and lower yourself to share space with her, and teach your kids that standing up for them was a mistake. She is never going to get over this and is always going to be nasty no matter what you do.

Start having your own family tradition, thanksgiving at your own house, live your life and forget her. :roll_eyes:

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Don’t let her emotionally blackmail you into allowing her to treat you this way. Not only for your sake but your children’s too who are watching and learning what is allowed for their treatment in future.

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Damn she sounds awful just by hearing your side.

First…… I would have only brought up the differences if the children noticed it too and were upset by it.

I feel even if hubby talks to her and you get the invite….she feels how she feels and I wouldn’t want to be around her at all. Stay away and be honest with your children. If they know they were being treated differently, let them know that you spoke to grandma on their behalf and grandma chose to cut them off. The end!!

I have a DIL the same way

Just stay away, she sounds toxic anyways so y’all are better off not having to deal with the negativity.

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I was one of those kids growing up. Not accepted by my step dad’s family except a couple of his siblings. I was taken from all of my blood relatives except my mother. It did hurt growing up. But what hurt the most was being treated differently than the other kids. It’s not something you forget. Even as an adult when there was something where we were all there they treated my kids differently as well. That’s on them not you. I personally wouldn’t send my kids if they were being treated differently.

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You don’t make it right. Thats all on her. If she wants to be a miserable hag, let her. You continue to do you and make sure your children understand it is NOTHING they did that caused this behavior.

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I really don’t think it’s about the kids… It’s an excuse bc she doesn’t like you so she’s using them as an excuse to hurt you and your husband her son needs to grow some ballzzz and tell her to get right or else…

This is similar to our issues with my MIL. We finally had to cut off his entire immediate family for multiple reasons. Doing so has actually been a huge relief and now our 2 children aren’t exposed to toxic manipulating people. :woman_shrugging:t4:

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You absolutely do NOT need to make it right. You did the right thing by cutting that toxic woman out of your life and your childrens lives as much as possible. If she doesn’t love your kids the way she should then its better they stay away from her…

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You don’t. She is trying to punish you and the kids because she was called out. She would rather do this instead of treating your kids right. She wants you to say you can treat us all however you want. Right or wrong. Screw that.

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F that bitch ! Grow up mother in law! You are gonna regret all this missed time with your family!

You’re doomed :scream_cat: once you cross that line with the mil right or wrong she’ll never forget or forgive it sounds like. Just leave her alone. She doesn’t have or obviously want a relationship with you. You’re not blood so she doesn’t care about all that. Just don’t keep your husband away from his family because that will backfire on you for sure. Don’t kiss her butt because that won’t help at all! She’s made her decision, you’re not welcome and she doesn’t like you so move past it. :woman_shrugging:t3:

Your husband needs to stand up for you better than that!! His mother is a witch- I wouldn’t want my kids around her. More time to spend with those who matter!!!

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My exs family treat my kids like they don’t exist. Sux but at least there’s none of this crap. She sounds like a right numpty, your better off out of it.

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I feel like your husband needs to talk to her. You are his number 1 and he should not be okay with her treating you this way.

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You cannot fix it just move on without her

Start your own traditions. Your kids are young and will remember the fun memories you make together. Don’t focus on the tension. Let it go. Build your own fun memories.

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You don’t. You were right when you stuck up for your kids not being treated the same. Make your own traditions.

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You can’t. Speaking from a lifetime of experience. My father’s family treated me and my 2 siblings very differently then our cousins because we are adopted and she called us by our name then adopted so I grew up being referred to as 'Jo-adopted" no joke…like that was my name…it was so much easier on me and my siblings when we cut contact. Our parents supported us cutting them out when we asked.

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Depends on the disagreement. Maybe you crossed a line too. See if she’s willing to have a sit down and voice her opinions as well. Seeing your kids 10 times is impressive lol my kids don’t see all of their family that much either just because life :woman_shrugging:t2:

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You didn’t do anything wrong. She would be cut off from my kids so fast her head would spin

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It’s not your job to make it right. She is most likely a narcissist. Keep her out of your children’s lives. They are better off.

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She sounds toxic AF. Screw her. Cut her off and TEACH your kids that no matter blood or not you’re not required to keep toxic people in your life. Teach them boundaries are important for your own mental health. It’ll hurt and it’ll be rough for the 10 year old. Also be sure that you and your husband are on the same page. He also has to cut ties you need to be a united front.

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It’s not your place to make things right.
You are married to her son not her, you have your very own family unit.
Your husband obviously realises but doesn’t want to rock the boat with his mother or family.
She obviously isn’t willing to sit down and sort this out other wise she would of done so.
Which says to me you are wasting your time and energy worrying about a person that’s cold hearted and a bit toxic.
I understand your hurt but some things you just can’t change.
I would speak to your husband and tell him how this is effecting you x
I hope you will be ok x

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You and your husband need to have a meeting with her. You need to be able to tell her that you and her need to forgive and be able to agree to disagree and still love each other and treat each other with respect even if you have different opinions. Let her know this is hurting the kids the most.

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Stop talking to her. and she shouldnt take it out on the kids by not seeing th em. Time to start your own family traditions!

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Stand you ground. Your kid should be treated equal and if it’s a problem to her then good riddance.

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I don’t think you need to make this right. Your mother-in-law is the one that should have to or your husband needs to stick up for you with her if he hasn’t yet.

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Would she cause a scene if you all as a famy just showed up?

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Don’t. Start your own traditions and have your kids around people who want to be around them. Their loss!

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She lost me at she doesn’t need to treat them the same. I had an ex mother in law who drive two towns over to see my sister in laws kids but we were 5 minutes away and she never came to see them so I definitely understand what you’re going through. I’ve just went out and found friends, a stepdad and other family who love my kids so much they don’t even realize the absence of one of those grandparents. I agree with above, it’s his parents your husband should be handling it, there’s nothing more you can do. Also, I’d kinda make it known to the rest of the family why you guys aren’t attending family functions.

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Sounds like she’s the one with the problem and if she treats ur kids differently then u don’t need her around because they will eventually notice the difference in treatment from her and think they did something wrong, start ur own holiday traditions. I remember my step father’s mother being totally cruel to me but loving all the children that were related biologically, u don’t want ur kids to grow up feeling like that

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Don’t. Concentrate on your family and building your own memories and traditions

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You don’t you didn’t do anything wrong. Just start by making your own traditions for your family. God Bless you and your family. Best to you

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You don’t you’re not at fault

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Stop trying to make her care… your children will learn a valuable lesson. My grandmother never loved me… she had pics of all the others but not me or my twin. We were the outsiders. There was no changing her. She felt some guilt when she died. It didn’t make me feel better.

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I agree that you and your husband need to have a sit down no kids around adult meeting and discuss how she is treating you. If she won’t stop being petty about it then you and your family start making new holiday traditions! If she doesn’t want to be a part of it then it’s her loss.

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Your husband need to step up in my opinion and sort his mother out maybe speak to his siblings first maybe they could help him have the chat x

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We are a military family & our kids have always been treated differently, out of sight out of mind basically. Sounds like your husband needs to speak up for your family, mine did—they in denial & its whatever. My kids won’t be the one crying at their funerals… and my kids have a huge extended mil family. Lots of aunties & uncles they can call on. Its her loss & you dont need her in their lives. You dont have to be blood to be family. Make your own traditions with ppl who actually care about your kids! Good luck!:pray:t3:

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My grandsons are going through this too. I can see the hurt in their eyes. Its sad when a grandparent does this.

You can’t make it right, because you aren’t in the wrong. She is. Toxic favoritism doesn’t benefit any of the children involved. It’s better to let your husband sort it out with her making it right, or leaving it as is and breaking contact with her. You set the examples for your kids on how you and they should be treated. It’s better to explain to them that she is not behaving in an acceptable manner and you won’t allow them to be treated that way, than to let it continue and have you and your kids be hurt by her.

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We have not attended my IL side of the family in 5 years. They treated our daughter who was 2 years old way different than they did their other 2 grandkids; all about the same age. We looked away and never looked back. Now as of last year, my daughter 6years old at the time lost my side of the family due to my mother lost her mind and went crazy. My daughter saw her actions and to this day (7 going to be 8 in March) she refuses to see my mother. We have my husbands step Uncle/ his wife / her mother / and their 2 sons as our only family. We make it work and we are open about the loss of the rest of the family.

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Time to create a NEW TRADITION where your children and you feel loved. You married her son, not her. I’m sorry for this cause it is hurtful but that lady has hate in her heart and I honestly wouldn’t want my children around her if she can’t respect you.

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Grandparents (some not all) suck anymore. My mom doesn’t do anything with my kids.

What does your husband say?

You can’t make it right. Some people just don’t see their wrong and that’s okay.

She’s mad cause you called her out on her crap. And she admitted it. I wouldn’t be upset by her. If she can’t treat your kids right why would u want them around her. Enjoy your family without her

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Stop trying. You can’t make someone care. I know what you mean I have family members like this, it’s hard and it hurts you just have to move on. Your children will grow up and realise for them selves what her true colours are.

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I wouldn’t even want my kids near her…

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Your husband needs to step up and let his Mom know that she is hurting her grandchildren. You should write a letter to your MIL and apologize for making demands from her that your intention was to improve her relationship with your kids, not make it worse, they are what’s important and as a family everyone needs to get along at family functions for them and there won’t be anymore arguments.
All the adults need to set aside their feelings and do what’s best for all the kids. The Holiday’s are probably the wrong time to start since that’s when the troubles began.
Eventually, I think you need to plan a family dinner or get together, invite everyone and make it fair, no ones birthday etc. try to make it as casual and normal as possible.
Accept that your children are not being treated fairly and their Grandparents have favorites unapologetically. Apparently she also has favorites with her own children and respectively son/daughter in laws. Spend time with them in a limited way, during holidays and family functions so your expectations are in check and your kids have limited contact for their protection. If you’re never invited again, you need to accept that your husband and children want a relationship with her and not “keep” them from each other like it’s a war and picking/choosing sides. If you do, you’ll be the bad guy and resentment could build.

Sounds like your husband needs to get his head out of his ass, and be a man and step up for his family.

Plain and simple cards on the table, say hey let’s be the adults ( examples)and find away past all this so the kids and your husband her son can have the family they deserve, extended the olive branch and humble yourself. It will be up to her to meet you part way and just try and move forward, remind her with the baby there are so many missed opportunities if you both cant move fwd.

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Either she is in there life or not not when it’s convenient for her and she either goes through both of you or none at all but I wouldn’t deal with this at all

First thing you can do is to ask yourself if you can forgive her? If yes just forgive her and accept the fact that she is like this and won’t be changed. After this acceptance nothing from her will ever bother you or make you feel bad. We have to accept people the way they are and not the way we want them to be. It hurts when our expectation goes wrong.

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Where’s your husband in all of this ?

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Invite everyone around another time for your own thanks giving get together take two .

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Nope she can’t pick and chose family. If your not welcome then your husband needs to have your back and the like you did this year no one goes. He needs to address his mother and let her know whether you get along or not your his wife and she needs to be civil or none of the family will be around.

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Your husband needs to handle this. His family is his problem.

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She’s angry became see you are not controlled by her. I hope your husband understands this and doesn’t get mad about it. My mother never got along with my grandmother. She too banished my Mom but, we would visit with Dad. We understood it because we witnessed their arguments. Just sit your daughter down and explain that there will be times when she meets someone she won’t get along with. It’s best to avoid them because you want Peace in your life. You deserve respect and she can’t give you that. She may not understand all if that now but, she will later. Let her know she is welcome at her Grandmothers but not you. Don’t keep her away. She will resent you for that. It needs to be her decision to see her grandma or not. Let her know your sorry it’s has to be that way and you never expected her to stop visiting her or seeing her. Let her grandmother know when there are public school events so she can attend. This way it’s grandmas choice not yours. This way if she doesn’t show up your daughter can see your not the one keeping her away.

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