How do I move forward without him?

My child’s father and I are not together, but neither of us could afford the place with live by ourselves so we’re living together until the lease is up in April. We haven’t been together since November. He cheated on me about a year ago while I was pregnant and we tried to make it work, but I was never able to truly get over it and as a result he did not the get best version of me - and that is why we broke up. We’ve continued to have s*x a few times a month, but I’m the one who has to initiate it.

I have a friend who keeps telling me to start talking to people, because he already has. I have tried but I’m not really interested. They have a significant other who I am great friends (and have a s*xual history with spanning back off & on with 12 years) And I have, but as of recently he’s overhead my complaints via Snapchat video to her and reached out to make sure I was okay. We’ve been messaging back and forth every day since this & it’s always been very platonic but it’s starting to turn flirty - I only know this because I’ve known him long enough to know how he flirts. I asked him how his “happy home” was immediately when it started turning flirty to deter him and he stated that they broke up and have been broken up since mid-December but are just like my bd & I and are stuck in the lease until it’s up. She has never said anything about it, but has mentioned their struggles and worry about a future together since about mid-December. He has always been “right person, wrong timing” with me since we were young & he’s one of the most honest people I know so I actually believe that what he’s saying is true.

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First of all do not continue flirting with your friend’s boyfriend, even if he is an ex, this makes you a bad person in doing so. Finally stop sleeping with your BD. Just focus on yourself and your child. You seem very immature in how you approach things.

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How do I move forward without him?

If she hasn’t told you they split, don’t fully believe him. I’d also stop sleeping with your bd. He’s having his cake and eating it too. Instead of tryna jump straight into a whole other relationship, find yourself and at least wait until you’re out on your own-not living with your bd. Same with the guy…wait until he’s actually left after their lease is up before you believe his word.

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Don’t jump from the flame into the fire

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He’s not right person wrong timing. He, just like you, is still with his spouse. Move out and then move on.

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So you’re messaging your great friends boyfriend…or possible their ex? Either way you’re a crappy friend for that. Don’t intrude and make their situation worse because yours sucks.

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Wow…you need to cut things off with him completely. He is your friends spouse. Wth is wrong with people.

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Nope, don’t do it! If she’s really your friend, just don’t. Be the friend you would want her to be. Take care of you, work on your past hurts so that when you move to your next relationship, you are whole. Hugs

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you can stay with him if you want to be cheated on again. don’t treat yourself bad there are better fish out there when you are ready you will meet a wonderful loving man don’t settle for felt when there is satin to be had

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This is a whole ass dumpsterfire in the making. You need to cut ties with flirty dude right off. Super uncool and shady. I mean that should go without saying. Maybe take some time to work on you… And BD if y’all are done then sleeping together is only going to complicate things… sounds messy… This shit is why women don’t trust other women. Like you got girl confide into you about her relationship while you over here entertaining the dude she’s worried about… Personally if I was friend and found out whether me and dude are still together or not I’m coming for that jaw…

First off stop letting your ex use you …he gets all the perks of being in a relationship including sex ,clean house ,meals cooked but also gets to have sex with whom ever he wants to …why would you jump from one relationship to another take some time to heal your heart …than thank real hard about do you really want to sleep with your friends man even if they really spilt up and he moved out … chances are you will lose her as a friend

If you want my honest opinion, you need to heal before you try to enter a new relationship whether it be with this guy you have known forever or with someone you just met. Cheating really screws with a person’s head and regardless of whether this guy is being honest with you, you don’t want to end up in the middle of someone else’s drama since there is another female involved. If you are her friend, you wouldn’t want to violate the friend code. Stay away from your ex. Sleeping with him is not doing anything other than allowing him to keep a grip on you. Take time to figure out who you are and go from there.

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She hasn’t told you, she’s your friend…. Na

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Your post sounds so confusing! Get your life together before getting into another relationship!

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Sounds like you and BD are made for eachother. Both crappy people

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Wait so your sleeping with your ex and best friends bf? I’m confused

If she hasn’t told you she probably doesn’t know! She probably thinks they’re just going through a rough spot and are working on things. I say this because I’ve been in her position before and my friend slept with my bd and it’s really messed me up, not just our friendship but relationships in general. Don’t do that to your friend, cut his toxic self off.

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Um… yea… so, none of this.
Find some integrity inside yourself and as a “friend”. Stop flirting with a guy that still lives with an ex, let alone who lives with this friend of yours.
He’s one of the most honest people you know? I bet she has a whole different perspective with what is happening in their relationship, and the truth is somewhere in the middle.
Focus on bettering yourself, keep busy with your child, and plan your moving out, and moving on with your life—it’s just a few months away.

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How would you feel if for example, your friend was the one your BD cheated on you with? You’d feel HORRIBLE. Don’t be that awful friend. There are millions of other men in this world, don’t go for your “friends”. My lord

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Well aren’t you delightful :joy::japanese_ogre:

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Stop initiating sex with your ex and stop trying to get with your friends dude :woman_facepalming:. It honestly just sounds like you crave and have to have male attention which is a problem in itself. Stay single and work on you.

You are not a doormat… you deserve better. Make your own life… want more!!!

This is a whole lot of gross. Stop sleeping with your ex if things are over. And stop msging your friends boyfriend ! I’d have a conversation with your friend and out yourself before she figures out what you’re doing with her " possibly ex " she hasn’t told you if they broke up. That’s probably for a reason.

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I would get your “home life” straight and then go from there. There is Defi some sketchy on the guy your beginning to pursue things but even if it wasn’t him, do you really want to navigate a new relationship while still living with your ex ? Think of all the potential pitfalls or hiccup moments when dating is new and your trying to figure out nights out / nights in, time spent , communication.

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Holy crap I couldn’t even keep reading this, between the grammar the spelling and all the wtf moments :weary:.

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Nope. Stop sleeping with the ex and talk to your friend and tell her what he said and see if it’s true.

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Friends ex is always off limits!

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The whole “I live with my ex” deal is just red flag red flag. And you and your ex still have sex but you can’t trust him? And your flirting with your friends “ex?” Girlll that is a whole lot of girl code being broken. You need to figure out life for yourself first, then worry about guys

So you and your children’s father didnt work out because he cheated on you…but now you are messing with your “great friends” boyfriend!!! All the while still sleeping with your live in ex?!
You sound like a classy chick!

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Gurl really ? And you’d do that to your friend ? All of you are weird

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So you’ve been talking to your friend’s SO because he says it’s over but she never mentioned it? Yea, if she’s your friend she would have told you if it were over. Simply complaining about issues in a relationship doesn’t translate to “it’s over”. Besides, if she is your friend, just because you have a history with this guy doesn’t mean you should pursue it further now. How would you feel if she started dating your BD? I mean my husband and best friend dated prior to us getting together, however if we split up I’d still be extremely hurt if they rekindled that relationship. :woman_shrugging:t4:(She’s happily married so not an issue, but still)
Girl, you need to stop! Remember how bad it hurt when your bd cheated on you? Yea you’re now encouraging that behavior from your friend’s SO.

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Be SINGLE. Get in therapy.
Stop sleeping with exes. What’s left in the post should stay there.

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Stop texting yours girls boyfriend I don’t care if it’s bad timing or not you are a bad friend. Like wth do you have any limits at all. Stop having sex with your ex also that’s just mess up or you are together or you are not is just that simple and you are just complicating your own life. Think about your kid is that what you want him knowing and seeing

First off you are not separated from your baby daddy what you have here is a open relationship he is out doing what he wants and then comes home probably to a clean home and hot meal and your giving him the boots to hell why would he leave period I sure wouldn’t lol you need to decide if you are going to continue to be used by this man or are you going to have some self live and self respect and send him packing and if you can’t afford the home your in take in a roommate to split some rent and utilities if you truly wanted out a lease isn’t going to stop you it sounds to me like you like the drama and as far as the friend and her relationship you are way out of line I guarantee he is doing exactly what your so is doing having his cake and ice cream both and how would you feel if it was her and your baby daddy sneaking flirtatious messages just because you’re miserable doesn’t mean you make someone else miserable you need to put your big girl panties on and suit up and do what’s best for your child and using a lease is just an escape goat because you still living in the situation so only you can make this better you have some soul searching to do

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What are you asking? You are broken up so you can do what you want. If he is not then he’s clearly not the one for you. Try being on your own for a while and see how that goes.

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Remember she’s your friend and her man is off limits even if he’s her ex! And have respect for yourself stop sleeping with your ex, and stop texting your friends man! Your acting like your screwing around behind your friends back. You Remember how it felt when he cheated on you why would you put your friend and her kids through that!

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I would be focused on your own home life and sorting that dumpster fire out before you even think of starting a relationship with someone new… let alone your friends man/ex-man. I mean, he’s told you that they’re separated but still living together and she hasn’t mentioned anything about them splitting? Sounds super sus. If I were you, I’d sort my shit out at home first, and when that’s done and you’re ready, then meet someone NEW. In the mean time, stop hooking up with your ex. You’ve already said he’s seeing someone else… so now you’re doing to someone else what he did to you.

Stop immediately. Don’t do that to a friend. Also, look at your situation before the lease ends and see what you could do to cut expenses . It will suck, but cutting everything except the 4 walls: transportation, electricity, housing and food will do you good. Yes, giving up the cell that many claim they " need", the Uber’s instead of going back to taking the bus, lowering health and car insurance or giving up a car, working split shifts to give up daycare costs. It can be super hard, especially when 1 job 60 hrs a week, doesn’t cover the rent. It means temporarily working 3 jobs for a few years and giving up everything
No takeout, ever, no phones, no wifi. Really cutting costs.

:grimacing: this is cringe, and honestly she can’t be that gullible as to believe him :eyes: like who would buy that :joy: she knows what she’s doing, she just wanted other people to validate it, this whole situation is about to blow up in everyone’s face.

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You seem like a shitty person tbh, now you want to be the hoe of another cheater? Hope your friend drops you like trash

So basically he wants what your baby dad has… Lives at home with family and have a gf too.

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Wow. This is a mess. Feel so sad for your friend. Ugh be single and work on yourself sheesh

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Girl he a cheater tell your friend

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Soo your being a hypocrite basically that’s really pathetic and ridiculous grow up

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I can’t believe this really goes on. :eyes:

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You are messy bro. Grow up.

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You don’t need to be with someone else; you can be without him and at peace.

This all sounds like a cluster f*ck of a mess.

You need to spend some time getting to know yourself, stay away from dating, you sound confused. Happiness comes from within, not from another person.

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Stop cheating. Tell your friend. Find your own place. Get counseling.

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I am all for a “hoe stage” but not when it gets this messy :woozy_face: your bd wants his cake and eat it too when it comes to you. && your making it easy for him. Your girl friend deserves so much better than what she is getting from you and I would ask her “hey he says you aren’t together that true” and if she says no then not only give her the message I’d also start apologizing for overstepping.
Whole situation is gross.

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Even if your friend is in the same situation as you, why pick her guy if you are friends? Why randomly sleep with your ex if you really can’t stand what he did it would be closed tight to that option. Are there no other men in the entire city? Use the energy you have for this mess and invest it into your child.

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You need to focus on being a mother.

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Get out of this whole shit show? Fresh start.

If it’s the right person, it will never be the wrong time. Also, you shouldn’t jump from one relationship into another. Date yourself, find peace within yourself, heal, learn new things, etc. This will turn into a 4 way love rectangle lol and get even messier. Leave it all alone and focus on yourself. The right person will come right on time when you least expect it. Good luck!

Didn’t see any comments about the “child” in this and am wondering where it fits into your “problem” picking your next boyfriend. Do you work and can you provide for your child. That should be your goal at this point.

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yes, keep believe all of this, Lord have Mercy, You are in for a really bad ride of your life,

This is your friends SO?ex or not doesnt matter SMH wow some friend you are sarcasm intended. My advice quit screwing the ex ur currently living with if you guys are really broke up be broke up. STOP carryin on flirt’n chat’n etc with your friends SO/EX SO whatever he is if you’re any kind of friend that stops immediately should have never started. And lastly be single work on yourself love yourself good luck

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How can he be honest if he’s flirting with you and your girlfriend isn’t aware of it.
You getting yourself into a whole load of trouble. Are you going to come crying here when the poop hits the fan?

Worry about your baby and finding yourself. Why does everyone think they have to be with someone just to be happy​:woman_shrugging::woman_facepalming:t3:. There should be no goals on how to get a man. You have a baby that baby needs you. Wtf stop screwing your ex have a little respect for yourself

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Dysfunction. You don’t need to be with anyone at all.

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Man, you girls really need to get some self confidence, self worth & self love before running out here & living with/ having babies with these little boys…

Perhaps, invest some time in yourself & a healthy relationship before adding in children & living arrangements 🤷

Perhaps it’s time to quit worrying about “someone to be with” & worry about bettering yourself and your life for the children who didn’t ask to be brought into any of this madness & stay away from men already wrapped up in bad relationships themselves

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Why ate you even initiating sec with your ex. Why would u want to sleep with him

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uhhhm talk to your friend and get the truth

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I think you two can make a go of it if you are both honest and talk everything out - even h mistakes you’ve made with others.
It is hard to trust once you’ve been betrayed - but it can be done.
I’m sorry you’re going through this …

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Think about how big the world really is. Expand your horizons and dont be in a hurry to find a replacement relationship. I think being a single lady for a while would be wise. You need to rebuild your self and your confidence and self esteem. When you are established in your new home and are more settled. Have a few dates after chatting online with a few fellas. No rush. No need to sell yourself short. The right person or many potentially right people may be out there. Set your expectations a little higher. You deserve so much better than the behaviour you have tolerated with this man. The old flame the one with all that history…keep him as a platonic friend. He has a complicated relationship and housing situation to extricate from and it might be easy to pick up with him but long term I’m not convinced he is going to make you feel fabulous. Why give up your independence and freedom for anyone who is not crazy about you and is making you feel like a teenager again…showing you respect. Treating you and your child with decency and consideration for a long time before you make any decisions about the long term. I think counselling might be worth considering because after the way things have been in this relationship wanting sex with that person is questionable. Why do you feel the need for that?

Wow that hurt my brain trying to understand what you were talking about. But it sounds like you really don’t give a crap about his feelings no wonder he looked elsewhere for it. What a waste of space you know the answer to this already

Tell your friend first off and 2nd girl you needa get outta your comfort zone talk to some new guys flirt go on dates whats happening sounds toxic if I am being honest

It’s still the wrong time goofy… Get a hobby. :woozy_face:

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I can’t believe you typed this… :confounded:

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This whole post is a mess

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Misery loves company.
That’s so sad . You’re definitely not her friend? If so, then He’s off limits. Block him, tell her and apologize and move along…she should mean more to you than him.
So, your baby daddy cheated and it hurt you but you’re ok doing that to another woman!!! Karma will again, come for you like it already did…Instead of picking and worrying about your next boyfriend, Focus on your child and learn how to be alone. When you can be alone, it’s amazing. I was that one who jumped around, and wasn’t single for not even a day…when i learned to like being alone, i got with who i wanted and not who was convenient…

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Also stop asking him to sleep with you. If he’s talking to other people/dating, then just stop.

I’m a little confused. Are you talking to one of your friends bd/bf? I had to read this 2x and I’m still not very sure if that’s what was said here. If so, this is wrong af.

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Talk to your friend first and make sure she’s on same page. I think you’d want to know if situation was reversed, and he should be supportive of that if he’s seriously flirting and wanting to move on to make sure everything is clear.

It sounds like you are lonely and wanting to rush moving on because it’s expected of you and not what You necessarily need or want. I’d not rush it. And I’d reevaluate this guys potential as a relationship because how he treats your friend is a look at his character, plus sounds like she is a good friend and you’ll already be starting that relationship in awkward phase because of friend.

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All friends bf/exs/bd are all off limits. You sounds like an awful friend :sweat_smile:

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Wow. You’re a terrible person. I hope that this pans out in the worst possible way for you, because you truly deserve it.

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Obviously he isn’t a honest person if he is entertaining you 🤷

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So you jump from a frying pan into a fire and now are considering climbing back into the same frying pan you once jumped out of ? sounds great and top it off with a huge bro-code violation because he’s now a friends frying pan

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While this whole post is confusing af, I’m going to try to decipher it and say get your own man that hasn’t been with your “friend” and stop asking your ex for sex since he’s sleeping with others. That’s how STDs get passed around!!!

Focus on your child and the soon to be therapists payments if yall keeping doing this nonsense! :woman_facepalming::woman_facepalming::woman_facepalming: What you allow your child to see, they learn to think it’s okay. DO BETTER!!!

Can someone please break this down? I think I had a stroke reading it :flushed:

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So I only read this WHOLE post , to see HOW ppl could laugh react… NOW I UNDERSTAND.:upside_down_face: :woman_facepalming:

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That’s a train wreck after a train wreck if I read your post right. It’s very difficult to understand. Maybe go back to school and learn grammar. Tell your friend and just learn how to be by yourself with your kid. Kids ALWAYS come first.

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So your mad at your ex/ sleeping buddy for cheating and then in that same paragraph asking if you should believe a guy who says he is doing what your doing and you wanna know if you should go for it?

Maybe get your shit together first get out of current situation giving the other guy time to deal with his shit. Then and only then should you think of dating anyone, nothing goes down faster then jumping from a frying pan streight into the fire :woman_facepalming:t2:

Lmao go ahead and ask your friend if they’re in the same boat as you and you’ll find out for sure how honest he really is :rofl: you just wanna believe because you got hurt by your man. Now you’re trying to get your friend’s man to do the same thing to her smh.

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If this was a reading and comprehension test… Im failing the comprehension part…

So your bd cheated a year ago but you been on and off with your friends bd for 12 years… and you couldn’t get over what he did but you are very much ok with what your friends bd trying to do …

Please just be single…all of you.

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If you are not “with” him quit having sex. Find a way to move , this is an unhealthy situation

Well maybe start by stopping the getting intimate with the ex that lives with you. Imagine if he knocked you up right now in this situation. :woman_facepalming: Then talk to the ex to get a plan figured so you both can have your own place. Next talk to your friend, I doubt she wants to husband swap and you should make sure they’re actually split before anything goes further there. But really I wouldn’t entertain anything from him until you get the living situation figured.

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Forget about BOTH of those present and future disappointments before u end up heart broken and mentally distressed over not one but TWO dudes who don’t know what they really want. TRUST ME girl. I’m living thru it tryna get thru something similar

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First you need to move out. If you have to wait till April then no talking to other guys or dating till then. Don’t have sex with your BD. Move on

Messy. Be by yourself stop sleeping with everyone and raise your kid.

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Worry about you and your child . The child is in the middle. After the lease is up . Be looking for a place to stay for you and child. . Both guys aren’t worth it . You boyfriend / husband or the other guy don’t know what they want you are better without them. You will get hurt at the end. You are better off with out them.

No. There are like 3 billion men in the world. Why would you want to even begin something with a man who hasn’t even ended the current relationship he is in? You are still having sex with your ex who you still live with. You already know the answer to this. :roll_eyes:

I’m sure when your friend told u to start seeing other people she didn’t mean her boyfriend. If your so confident that he is telling you the truth why not talk to your friend about it.
It’s not a good idea ever to date your friends live in boyfriend. J.s. it’s just wrong.

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So you’ve been off and on with your friends BD for years and wanna do to her what he did to you? But you haven’t talked to her about it? This is weird you’re all weird. Your friends man should always be off limits even if they broke up, which they haven’t. You’re all full of shit besides his GF. Who deserves a better friend. Focus on yourself and move.

Your friends old man?
Fuck you and every last bitch like you!

You still havent healed from
What your bd did, take some time to heal from that, including not sleeping with him, you cant enter into another relationship until you have healed or you will never fully give yourself to anyone

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Why do people like to eat where they shit?

How are their “no other choices” of men to talk to besides your friends man… Ask your female friend if they are still together - They probably are, and they are probably still sleeping together just like you and your BD.

Don’t be a home-wrecker!

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Maybe just focus on your child and yourself for a while and save as much as you can to get your own place.

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