How do I politely ask my step mom to stop telling me how to parent?

I have a 5 month old that sleeps with me he has since he was born and due to circumstances I had to move in with my dad and step mom who is always telling me how to parent and that I’m doing a horrible job and has major issues with me son sharing a bed with me. How should I ask her to stop telling me how to paren
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Sit down with them and talk to them. I say they them because I would make sure your dad is there as well. Some people just make things up to make a bigger issues. So to avoid this I would say sit down with her and your dad, tell them you appreciate her worry for how you do things but ultimately it’s not her decision. Your the mother and this is what your comfortable with. Depending on how she responds to that, I would save as much money as you can to get your own place. People always think they have to give their own opinions. My step mom was the same way, she was a nurse and one of her jobs was teaching babies to sleep by themselves. After I had my daughter she would give me schedules that my daughter should be on based on age. I also didn’t live with them so I didn’t have her constantly saying something but it was annoying. Just tell her this is what your doing, thanks for the advice but you’re doing it how you want.

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How do I politely ask my step mom to stop telling me how to parent?

It’s your baby, not hers. Ignore it or deal with it.

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Tell her, “I appreciate your concern, but I am his mama, let me parent by my own rules. I got this, I promise if I need advice, I will ask.”

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Just be like hey I get that you care but let me raise my son. As moms we do what we have to but just a heads up be careful co sleeping. Not trying to start anything hell I did it until a baby close to my family passed away and I stopped. But to each there own you do you

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You don’t ask her. You tell her

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Be diplomatic and say I really appreciate your words of wisdom a you have already bought a child or children up of your own, but he is my son and I will parent him the way I see fit, but telling me im doing a bad job, isn’t going to help and I don’t appreciate that. I don’t want to fall out with you because I do value your advice, but I am his mum, not you

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I co-slept with both of mine. But I also ordered a baby sleep nest from Amazon. It gave me some more peace of mind, and kind of acted as a bumper, so I knew I wouldn’t roll over on them. But I could safely sleep with my hand on his chest to monitor breathing at night.

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Just tell her you appreciate her advise but, you would like to do it on your own without interference.

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Tell her it’s culturally normal just like I intergenerational living arrangements

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Maybe move out of her house first

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I would try to talk to your dad about it. You co-sleeping does NOT make you a bad parent, it’s your choice.

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Honestly I would sit down with her woman to woman, Mom to Mom and have some coffee or tea, and tell her you need to talk with her about something that has been laying heavy on your heart.
Tell her from one Mom to another Mom, that you would really appreciate some respect and understanding on how you feel is best to raise your child. Tell her as a Mom you would hope she can understand the love you have for your child and that you feel this is what is best for the baby and yourself as well. We all do things differently, and ask her to please respect your choices, its all out of nothing but pure love for the baby. Tell her you feel it is coming between your all’s relationship and that you don’t want that. Maybe tell her you value her opinions, but that this is what you need for now as a Mom, and the baby as well. If that doesn’t work, and she still has a issue with it, then she can deal with it and will have to get over it. You’re the Mom and that is that!!

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babies are young studies are saying it is likely the best plan they get a lot of issues handled look around you will find artical proud of you

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“mind your business”.

Move into your own house

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While I understand someone giving advice if they have experience, but why would it matter to her that your child co-sleeps with you that’s a choice of the parent and doesn’t make you a bad parent that’s a bit too much meddling whether you live under their roof or not.

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I get where she’s is coming from, it can be dangerous, and MAYBE shes trying to be helpful and show concern, I would honestly tell her “ I appreciate your concern and care but this is how we’re doing it and I promise we’re doing our best”

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It’s dangerous
These comments kill me
If she had posted a car seat being used incorrectly the car seat nazis would be ready to call cps
News flash co sleeping is just as dangerous

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I probably did handle that situation well when it came to the MIL at the time. I had enough and kinda snapped “did I come out of you!?! NO. Did she come out of you!?! NO. So shut the fuck up and let me raise MY daughter the way I want her to be raised. You raised your 2 sons alone, thats great. But they are both criminals, drug dealers, users and abusers. So forgive me if for not wanting you to fuck up another innocent child” :woman_shrugging:
She got the hint, but I wasn’t living there. Just in the same building, so I still had to deal with her bullshit everyday.
Best I can say is to find a way to tell her to stay out of it before you snap lmao

I live in Australia, we would never do this. Not unless necessary. We have nurses come to our houses to make sure you have proper sleeping so our babies don’t die. I would be saying thank you for the advice and doing some research for an informed choice, I get where she’s coming from… however as most comments say, it is your choice. I guess just let her down gently haha

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Just move out into your own place

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In all other cultures it is normal to sleep with your baby. Plus it’s your kid not hers, you are raising your child, she isn’t. There are studies and research that prove it’s actually safer and that’s normal for babies, they need it

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In New Zealand, co sleeping is considered risky for several reasons…however people have a pepi pod which is like a soft woven basket for bubs to sleep in, in your bed…

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You say, “Thanks for your input, but I’m his mom, I know what’s best for him.” Period.

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I was on my daughters case about her son sleeping with her from a young age. I knew she didnt appreciate it. He got out of her bed at 13. I still dont get it.

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Tell her you don’t like her cosleeping with your Dad either but …x

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Why be polite.

Telling you how to do your job isn’t very polite

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Be blunt - tell her DIRECTLY

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Just tell her , while I do greatly appreciate the advice I’m his mum

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Wisdom is recognizing an elder is trying to help make your life better .
Bed sharing can kill a child and at five months old he could easily fall out or be suffocated , it is never wise to co sleep ,
Even my grandmothers day they thought it was dangerous and my grandmother was a nurse from the 30s to the 70s.
We all share advice on how to parent because those before you have learned , I tell my daughter stuff all the time - I have raised 23 children - my hands are the hands of experience - I still get given advice by my elders and I still listen- I want to learn and make mistakes on a new recipe NOT ON A LIVE HUMAN

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One thing I wouldn’t do is be rude - especially if you’ve got nowhere else to go.
Would talking to your dad about it first be a better way to go (depending on your relationship with him of course)?
I would be working toward getting out of there and in the meantime putting a lock on my door… if she can’t see it she can’t whinge about it

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Tell her mind her mofo business an worry about her own children. An that her two cents is irrelevant and it’s your child not hers. I bed share an mine is almost 4 in October an I breastfeed when he wants ( not always thank god lol bcuz I need my boobs back )
But you should ignore an move ASAP.

I had to live w my child’s grandma who ( paternal side ) an she tried an thank God I have always been taught to speak up an out bcuz she tried an did not succeed ( my mom died at 17 so it was then or back to foster care)

Just simple tell her I’m his mom not you please don’t tell me how to parent I know what’s best for my child

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I would just cut right down to it & tell her to mind her business!!

If the issue is bedsharing then that’s a safety issue tbh. I understand your Step mother’s concern.

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It is a safety issue, but getting advice on being a mom unfortunately is gonna happen. U also live in their house so :woman_shrugging:t2:

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Co sleeping is about one of the worst habits you can crave on your child. Not only physical but mentally and emotionally.
So maybe she’s trying to help you out.
If you don’t like it, you can always move out.

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How do I politely ask my step mom to stop telling me how to parent?

Let’s just set aside the baby sleeping with you…there several cons to that situation…safety and how hard it is to break that habit.
I agree when you live in somebody else’s house you lose some of your freedom and authority. However, advice is one thing and criticism is another. You should speak with her or your dad and her together. Let her know that while you appreciate her trying to “help” you’d prefer to do things your way. And that he is your son and you’re happy to share him with his grandpa(your dad) and her that you just want them to be grandparents.If nothing else speak to your dad privately and be honest. Maybe he can help…I doubt he wants you and his grandson to leave,so just make him understand that you’re a new mom and nervous enough without being judged.

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For safety reason co sleeping with a baby is never a good idea . Politely tell her that you would like to try things your way . Explain to her that while you appreciate the advice you also want to learn yourself like I’m pretty sure she did. Make her feel included in other aspect like picking an outfit etc small things this is a very special time for you and your spouse and sometimes family members without realizing become overbearing . Also be understanding this doesn’t have to be a fight especially because you are still dealing with hormones. In the mean time save up if you guys can and get your own place there’s nothing better than having your own space.

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Maybe she is just saying things because she cares… Maybe try and work with her and take on some of the things she is saying. What does she have to gain from sharing her advice other then the fact she cares … I think her advise is wise… Co sleeping is first of all unsafe, second it’s not teaching children healthy sleeping habits ( child will grow up and refuse to sleep alone) and it’s creates bad habits and starts issues of separation anxiety. I have 4 children and the only time any of my children have slept with me is of they are sick and need to be monitored closely. My kids have never had problems going to bed, staying in bed and have slept all night from 6 weeks old. Not saying I’m a perfect mum don’t get me wrong. I’m not. But if you instill healthy habits from when they are young it’s far less cruel to them into the future. What happens when you one day meet a partner? Your child sleeps in the middle ? So right there that puts limits on your personal life which your entitled to have.

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First off, I’d say this should be a support group for moms, and I see a lot of judgemental bitchy ones here, which kind of defeats the purpose. :roll_eyes: You do what you feel is right for you and your baby. You CAN co-sleep safely. My daughter has slept in my bed right next to me since day one- she’s two now. I’m a deep sleeper, and I’ve felt so much safer with her next to me rather than leaving her in her crib in the other room for me to possibly not hear if she’s awake crying, choking, puking, etc. Mother instinct is a real thing. Though, I know there have been unfortunate circumstances/situations, you know yourself and your body, and most importantly your baby. At the end of the day, you’re the mom. You know what works for you, and your little one. I’m not sure of your relationship, but I’d simply leave it as “Thank you for your input- but it’s me and my baby- and I’m doing what I feel is right.” I’ve had to do the same thing. :blush: God bless you mama. Stay strong! Best of luck!

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This is something that mom’s will disagree on until the end of time. Honestly, I would politely tell her you can handle your own child and ask her to keep her “education” to herself. If she doesn’t, I would straight up tell her to mind her business. I would definitely be making arrangements to move. For what it’s worth, the only way my three kids got any rest was in my bed. They’re perfectly fine. There are safe ways to co sleep.

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Doesn’t matter if you’re under “their roof”. You are the momma and you are an adult as well, so I would kindly tell her you appreciate the input and advice but you are doing what you want as a momma. Get your father involved and maybe talk to him first so he can help back you up when this conversation happens with step mom. You shouldn’t have to worry about people telling you how to be a mom and what to do. I’m not a believer in cosleeping and never will do it but that’s your choice every momma is different and has their own reason for doing things, but you don’t need to explain anything to anyone. I hope it goes smoothly and you can live peacefully there with everyone💗

“I appreciate the suggestions but I would like to try it my way” “thank you so much for the advice but I want to do things differently” something along those lines. You can also try sitting them down and tell them you appreciate what she’s doing but you want to be able to parent you’re way & in no way shape or form is it to disrespect how they would parent but you have different beliefs as to how it should be done.

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Just tell her that “these are different times and studies show otherwise, you Enjoy it very much, and thanks for your concern.”

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I would respectfullyjust saythank you for your concern,the moment I pushed this baby out I became an adult even if you are one already mother instinct kick and if there anything I may need help I will gladly ask for your help.now as for baby sleeping with it depends the curcastances.do u have enough space for a crib,and do you even have one…,talking can take u a long way.

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I do not agree with co-sleeping with children. I totally agree with step mom

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Honestly, smile and nod, then carry on and ignore her. Say “that’s a good idea” and keep doing what’s best for you. She probably won’t stop anyway. I was blessed to have step parent that I loved. She gave her unsolicited opinion too but I ignored her because I know she meant well.

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They are only trying to help and give advice from there own experience. Take it and say thank you. Parents will always have something to say. My kids are 16 thru 4 and my mother still has something to say but I won’t have her around for ever. Ill take whatever the elders wanna say and keep pushing to your drum

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You need to approach them calmly and with an open approach. It is so easy for these types of topics to turn into wars between people especially if your parents think they’re right. Also, I co-slept for three years with both of my children who are incredibly independent, healthy, smart as hell kids who are now 7 and 9. Whoever keeps saying “it’s so dangerous and wrong” doesn’t know the history of cosleeping goes all the way back to primitive humans. We’ve been doing it forever. Babies heart beats are regulated better when close to mom. I’ve also never rolled on either of my children as I’ve never taken sleeping medicine or other medications or been drunk when they sleep with me.

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I coslept with my infant son, and it took EIGHT YEARS to get him to sleep in his bed! I wouldn’t recommend! Break the habit, now! The relationship with your step mom seems contentious. It may be that she’s attempting to give you advice; but it comes across as bitching at you. Request a family meeting and discuss! Grateful for a place for my son and I to stay until I get my shit together, but as a new Mom I need the space to figure out what is best for my son and I.

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First I co sleep with both my kids. Well not my oldest anymore. And they are both fine. When you live under someone else’s roof you tend to lose authority over your own life (not saying it’s right, it just happens). Maybe sit down and have a talk with them about how you feel. If that doesn’t work unfortunately the only other option is to move out.

Not sure how you could do that without moving out. She has a point, co sleeping is never ‘safe’.

I’m sure as long as you’re living under her roof she feels obligated to speak her mind and tell you how she feels, in her house she does have the right to.

I understand it can be difficult, but until you move out you might just have to deal with it.

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Some people will never agree with co sleeping, that’s ok. I co slept with my daughter from the time she was born till she was 3, she’s 6 now. I plan on doing so with this baby as well. In the end it’s your choice to do so. Smile and nod and walk away when she does say something or tell her you don’t want her advice unless she asks. My mother in law was the worst at giving advice that wasn’t needed or wanted.

Some people just think because they been a parent they think they know all and especially if you’re a really young mom me personally would listen and then do it my way And I know everyone has an opinion on letting children sleep with you as their right as for me mine went into their own bed from the day they came home from the hospital their crib was beside my bed and if they were sick I would put them in my bed.i just think she thinks she knows best.

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Try a gentle but firm “let me try my way first”. Mamas may always wanna give new mamas advice and regardless of the topic (i dont agree with bed-sharing but i dont push my opinions on others and we all find out consequences and can attempt many things before we find what’s right for us and bubba) but we all had our times of finding our own groove. You do you, mama.

It’s a normal part of becoming a grandparent. :relaxed: Unfortunately, while you’re living with them, you’ll hear it regardless. I’d say things like, “I’ll take that into consideration (I’ll think about it).” “Thanks for letting me know.” “I see how much you care.” Or just raising your eyebrows.

You can do this a couple of ways but start off with…. “This is my son. I am his mother. I know what is best for MY child.” Take a stand or it’ll never end and it will just get worse. There is a fine line between giving advice and over stepping.

Also, don’t let anyone else make you feel like less of a mother. What they say doesn’t matter. You are doing your best every minute of every day and we learn as we go!

If asking politely doesn’t work, just tell her to nicely fuck off lol hope this helps :sweat_smile:

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Mine slept in with me until he was 3, it might be your step- mother’s house but that is your baby for you to parent however you see fit :woman_shrugging::kissing_heart:

Every parent can sleep how they choose too! :roll_eyes:

My child, my choice.

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YOU grew that baby in your belly and YOU delivered it, if you want to co sleep it’s no one else on this planets business I could slept with my 3 year old and No problem and I’m doing the same now with my newborn ! No ones business !

Sometimes you just cant be nice & got to say shut the heck up its my baby! But if you are cosleeping make sure your doing safe sleep 7. And if you are a heavy sleeper id highly suggest baby goes in a crib.

I co sleep with my kids when they’re a little older and I can’t squish them and there’s loads of benefits for them so don’t worry about it and just tell her to leave you alone!

It may not be the safest, but it’s your decision. Tell her you feel it’s safe and that you’re not changing. It’s not like the kid is under 4 months. Yeah she will not like it, but stand your ground and come to an understanding with her as much as possible. If you avoid this conversation she will probably never stop making comments.

Tell her to stfu in your nicest mommy voice😁

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Just simply tell her to mind her own business your the babies mum and u will decide how you will do things x

Its your child not hers until she learns to keep hush don’t involve her in anything

I wouldn’t know.i never slept with my children.

Tell her until she’s given birth to your child her opinions don’t matter

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Tell your father to have a word with his wife…to explain the difference between helping and hindrance.

Make up another situation where you come home cross and just rant off saying you just had a stranger pass a comment to you about something make it up and say the next person to try tell me how to parent my son is getting a piece of my mind. I’m this child’s mother and I know better than anyone how to be his mother. I’m sick of it, just go off on a rant with all you want to say to her but pretend its about someone else. She should get the hint then

Move out asap. And just respectfully tell them to leave you alone

Move out & get your own .

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Honestly, she’s right. Not about the horrible parent part but about the co sleeping part. Educating is not mom shaming.

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Tell her mind her business and you’ve got it covered

Fuck off bitch… say it blunt! Get out as fast as you can, my son is 3 going on 4 he sleeps with me. Nothing wrong with it!

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The only way is to leave.

Is there a nice way? How about"NO."

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Your baby is getting big enough where it will start moving around and can fall right out. For that reason and many more it is VERY dangerous. I advise asking your pediatrician about this ASAP. I mean its no different that somebody telling you that your baby’s carseat straps arent in the right position. she is probably REALLY concerned about your baby’s safety. Now calling you a bad mom or being rude is totally not ok either.

Thank you. you already had your chance now it’s my turn I’ll do things my way.

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butttt she’s right. :woman_shrugging:t3:

And honestly if you’re living with her than you need her help. Can’t pick and choose when you get to be an independent mother. If you want to parent solely how you want, than you’re going to have to move out and do it on your own!

Bed sharing is dangerous and is not supposed to be done all major medical associations are against it. It is just as bad as not properly using a car seat. With thus issue she is correct. Telling you that you are horrible about being a parent in general no. She needs a better delivery system

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Is she telling you “you’re a horrible mom” or is she telling you about safe sleep practices?

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Safety of children isn’t subjective. Cosleeping is unsafe and can result in a dead child. Good for her for bringing it up repeatedly until maybe you realize

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Bed sharing is EXTREMELY dangerous, sounds like she’s just worried about the safety and well being of your child.

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Please fuck off…thankyou.

Is she saying “you’re a horrible mom” or is she saying “co-sleeping is dangerous”…
Because one is an opinion and the other is a safety concern

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For all the people saying cosleeping is dangerous… you’re right… but mind your business… there are safe ways to co-sleep & I think you need to go back & read her question again… she WAS NOT asking you guys for parenting advice :woman_shrugging:t2: she was asking how to deal with someone giving unsolicited parenting advice… you know… Kinda what you’re doing now :woman_facepalming:t2: I co-slept with my daughter & she’s 16 & perfectly fine… they make things to make co-sleeping safe…barriers…extension to your bed…etc… you have no idea if she’s using one of those things… you have no idea of her situation … sounds like she’s a single mom that has to move into a bedroom at her parents house… maybe there isn’t room for a crib or another bed… again you don’t know… so keep your judgy comments & maybe give some advice that she asked for…I swear being a mom is tough enough w/o having to deal w/ judgmental moms
That being said… there really isn’t a “nice” way to say it… maybe just thank her for her advice, that you’ll keep it in mind but for now you are doing it this way

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It’s a safety issue which is understandable. Bed sharing is a habit you won’t easily break and can be dangerous.

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Just bluntly but politely say “I’ll raise my own child how I like it’s no ones business”

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I have three children since birth they have slept with me they did move to their beds lol but still end up
In my over half the time and seriously I don’t mind babies are only babies for son long :disappointed:

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Move. You can raise your baby however you want. All of my children co-slept with me.

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It don’t matter if you live with them or not. Tell her to mind her own business. You have that right to take up for yourself

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Co sleeping has been labeled unsafe in the western world.
It is said to have started in the church.

Sure - there are risks to everything …. But there are also safety practices. Stop harassing this mother in her choice of bed sharing. She has to deal with her step mother berating her … why add to that ?

Co sleeping helps regulate babies heartbeat. Keeps them the proper temperature. Helps premature babies develop. There are lots of benefits to it

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Co-sleeping can be dangerous but my son ( who was 4 months old) had seizures. His pediatrician actually told me to lay in the middle of the bed and lay him on my chest. He and I would sync each other’s heartbeats. If he seized and quit breathing I would know…… he was right! Mili-seconds can save a life!

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Raising children in someone else’s house has got to be the hardest thing ever.
There’s always conflicting opinions.
Watch how you approach it because you are living in her house. I’m just saying that I won’t tolerate being disrespected in my own home, ya know?

I’d say something like “I appreciate your concern, I’m just trying to figure out what works best for us.”
Leave it at that.

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