Do I strategize going back to work ASAP or enjoy the moment with my newborn daughter. My husband and I split the bills and life is great, but living paycheck to paycheck scares me. How do people adjust to big life changes like this? Or am I overthinking it?
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How do people adjust to big life changes like this?
Most jobs have a maternity leave but that still leaves one paycheck. Do you vacation time or PTO coming you could use.
I would keep him in childcare atheist until you can get adjusted with the new baby and then before pulling him completely out I would try having him home a few times throughout the week to see how that will effect I personally feel like him staying I daycare is great for his socializing will keep him busy
You just do whatever feels right. If you are a little stressed out once the baby comes home and you need a break then send your son to daycare. If you are stressed out about money then go back to work. I know you’re really pregnant and stressing about everything right now because that’s what’s we do we nest and want everything ready and to have the answers to everything. If it’s only a couple of months that you’re living pay check to paycheck then that’s not too bad.
You’ll be surpised at how things can work out while you are on leave. For your son think about what your plans are after things return to normal in regards to keeping him in day care. When my son did preschool 2 days a week woth a new baby it was almost a drag to drive there. I enjoyed having him home. We only did the school year. One thing to think about is how many times will you have an opportunity to pretty much be home with the kids through the summer?
Depending on the state… I had pfl (paid family leave) through the state and also paid disability because I had a c section… Definitely something to look into as I was paif like 60-70% of my pay… So while not 100% the money it definitely helped… And added up to around a total of I think around 12 weeks off…
I also did what Michelle said above! I also kept my oldest home with me and then brought my nanny back once I went back to work. I know it feels like a total panic mode, but trust me it will work out and you will be just fine! Good luck mama💗
take one day at a time & decide what to do then, Breathe, relax & enjoy your life
Do you have short term disability? That normally covers some of your pay and weeks depend on what kind of delivery you have.
Take a breath.
For the first couple weeks at least keep your kiddo in daycare. You won’t be able to pick him up safely and it’ll hurt to have him wallering on you. With a new sibling he may not fully understand why you can hold baby but not him.
A couple weeks gives your body a little time to heal.
Then adjust his daycare schedule…Send him but keep him home some for bonding too.
There isn’t much you can do about having to be off work post C-section. Pushing yourself to go back early won’t help anyone and could cause you to be off even longer.
If you can…You and hubby try to set money back where you can or prepay anything you can right now so it’ll lessen the burden of stress when you’re on maternity leave.
Some of it depends on the daycare. Most charge to hold the spot. If you pull the child out completely…how hard will it be to get child back into that daycare. Do you have family to help a little? And depending on the 4 year olds personality and how they feel with the pregnancy and then new baby. If the child gets upset about going to daycare when the baby gets to stay home… hit from the side that mommy needs rest… and maybe baby is bummed about having to stay home … because baby might like daycare… make it sound like daycare is the place to be… so the child doesn’t feel they are missing anything at boring ole home.
You could drop him to part time daycare, it’s cheaper and he will spend time with you as a family more. Win-win!
Believe it or not you will figure all this out. You seem like you got your shit together it maybe a little hard at first but everything will fall into place and you will be ok. Just as long as you 2 work well together and support one another y’all will be just fine. It is scary but you got this.
See if work offers short-term disability. It’s not much money, but it’s something. Keep the child in daycare until you feel up to caring for both. If this is a high risk pregnancy you may feel fairly fragile for a while after. Babies don’t need everything advertised. You can put them in a cardboard box with a foam pad and they’ll be fine. Breastfeed if you can and want and can save on bottles and formula (get some though). Eat more vegetarian and save $ on meat. If you don’t drive anywhere much you save on gas. Eat at home and save on food. Don’t shop for anything you don’t need.
Spend as much time with your babies as possible. Your employer will never love you like your children, they grow so fast and you can never get that time back.
Ask your benefits team at work if they have short term disability. That is what mine offered while I was in maternity leave. It really helped. You do not get the full 100% but get a portion of your paycheck.
Im also 30 weeks getting observation and ultrasounds 3x a week and i have 3 other toddlers and only one income. Its possible
Hes 4 if u pull him out for 2 weeks at least that will free up some money which can then go to other places…I’d split ur time as far as leave goes focus on urself new baby and ur fam for the first half enjoy the moment but sets a day on that day start to get back into a regular schedule put little back into daycare start getting things in place to go back to work…I’m a planner I plan down time and how to use down time it works for me lol we have 5 kids
I kept my oldest home with me to cut the daycare cost.
The thing about humans is we adapt to life situations. When you think you can’t make it with one income. You will be surprised how fast you will adapt to it. Personally I would pull my child out of daycare and all bond together. We will always need money but the kids grow so fast and the little time we do have with them is very short. They grow up and want to be their own person. They need you at this age. Give them that time.
I was worried about this as well. When I had my second in May of 2020… we had saved our income tax return from earlier that year to use as my half of the bills for when I went on leave. I got to use my sick time i had at work which was about 2 weeks…(its now a full paid leave which i was pissed about but whatever) does your work offer anything like that? I would keep childcare just so everyone stays on a routine and also make sure your newborns on their waiting list if you plan to utilize the same center for the baby as well.
You’re over thinking it, but you have the right to over think it. Moving and having a baby are both huge life changes!
I’m torn on pulling your 4 year old from daycare, because having that child home full time on top of recovering from a c-section and having a new baby is going to add to the exhaustion, but at the same time, pulling the 4 year old allows for you to save some income and allows bonding time between the siblings. At the same time though, pulling the 4 year old may result in their daycare spot being taken when you’re ready to return to work.
I would suggest maybe dropping the 4 year old from full time to part time. That lets you balance time for sibling bonding, saving some income as well as still allowing you time to bond one on one with the baby and time to relax.
I would also check into pre-school for the 4 year old. A lot of states/counties have free pre-k. That would save some money, still allow the 4 year old to socialize and most pre-ks are part time. Not to mention help prepare the 4 year old for the upcoming kindergarten year.
In the mean time, before the baby comes, start meal prepping and freeze those meals, I suggest a lot of crockpot meals. Go through your bills, budget and finances and see where you can cut costs. Your job should also offer STD, which should allow you to collect part of your pay while you’re off.
Whatever you do, do not cut your maternity leave short to return to work early. You need time to both heal and bond with the new baby.
Just breathe . Personally I wouldnt keep the 4yo home past a couple of days. Youll mess with his routine and think he doesn’t need to go anywhere now the baby has arrived.
He’s old enough to understand mommy has a sore tummy and cant lift big boys yet…but he could climb up for hugs or snuggle on the sofa if he wants. Let him help with changing and feeding so he doesn’t feel jealous of baby
Honestly …youll cope just fine. We do what we have to do to get by and its only for a short while until you heal properly. Rush back and youll hurt yourself meaning youll be off work longer .
I paid for short term disability insurance through my work and then used that when I took my FMLA.
I’d be careful pulling him out of daycare, he may lose his spot. I don’t know how it is there but it is IMPOSSIBLE to find any daycare with openings here.
Figure out how much is your income vs daycare for two to see if it’s worth returning to your job. Chances are you’re working for daycare.
Money wise only I would take son out of daycare but some daycares still make you pay to hold the space if that’s the case give yourself a break and still utilize it. This is recovery time for you as well as baby bonding time. If you can cover the cost keep using it, he can stay home more just for getting to know baby n stuff but then you can get a break the other way too
This is what your savings is for. After I gave birth my husband got a herniated disk he couldn’t move. He is self employed. Then corna happened. No help from family visits as they weren’t aloud as we live in a different country. So for 1 yr we lived off our savings our nest egg to buy a house. You have these savings a cushion for this reason. You can always get money back
Definitely pull 4 year old out of day care that’s going to give that baby time with mom and new baby it’s important for everyone to adjust and have some time together ps that will also eliminate that child care cost second enjoy every minute !!! Very the time will get and don’t stress when the time comes it will be hard but that break will be much needed for everyone with a new baby
Definitely check with your daycare, some will fill your spot if you do not continue to send your child. So after your leave you may not have somewhere to take him.
Also think about what you will save while not working, and definitely start planning and buying extra for meals that you can freeze.
Here’s a way to save money, call your cable company tell them your going on maternity leave and will need shut your cable off for a couple of months and may not be able to have it reinstated, alot of times they will give you a “promotion” used for new customers and give you 3 months free, do this with unnecessary streaming services you pay for. Does your employer not have paid paid maternity leave, check into it, you may be able to get a percentage of your pay.
Since you are still working, see if you can add more to your savings. Look at what you guys spend money on, most of the time we buy alot of things we dont need or eat out a lot. For daycare, id be careful bc some youd still have to pay and others you run the risk of loosing your spot. Dont stress too much about it. Maybe talk to your husband and figure out where you can save and realistically how long you can be on maternity leave.
Keep him in daycare
Save all you can
Try to stay home til the baby is 3 months.
It will be ok!
Take the older one out of day care while your home with the newborn…start putting $$$ money back saved for the time off…taking your older one to daycare will also mean taking you and the newborn out daily as well…who needs that …try to get the newborn registered for this same daycare…Most employers pay for up to six weeks after child birth… Family Leave Act…
The minute you found out you were pregnant both of you should have saved for the expenses needed during the time period you wouldn’t be working, etc. As for now start saving, every little bit helps. Also, if you take your child out it might not be so easy to get back in.
you don’t get paid family leave where you are? talk to your daycare see how they do things and go from there, hopefully they’ll keep the spot for the child until you can return to work. that way you’re not spending more than you have to and can use that money for other things you may need
I would take him out half the time so y’all can all bond and you can have a break while he still has a routine with daycare
You gotta discuss this with your husband and see what yall can afford to do
Enjoy the time with your baby, you’ll NEVER get it back. Leave brother in daycare so that you don’t lose his slot and cut out anything additional that isn’t necessary for a few months. I just had my final baby in April and had the same worry but I took 11 weeks off and am so thankful I did especially since she is the last!
Likely have savings, credit cards, hopefully you planned… you do what you need to, hubby will have to pick up the pieces. His child, his wife, his responsibility, too. You are a family you gather all your resources in one pile and figure it out.
Use what you’ve saved for your portion of the bills. Don’t pull your son out of daycare. That will add extra stress on you and whoever is helping you at home after your birth with your daughter and the chores. Itll also distrust his routine. I’ve had four c sections. After 8 weeks I was fully healed and able to do whatever I did before but without lifting anything more than 20 pounds. Idk if your daycare takes care of infants that are 8 weeks, but you could find a friend or family to take care of her until she’s hold enough for daycare. Go back to work at 8 weeks, but ask them to make your shifts part time to help ease yourself into fulltime
Take him out of daycare for q little while and make cut backs like everyone else does.
It all works out… Spend the time with the baby
Gather all your info, make a realistic budget, see what’s feasible. Here there is a day care shortage, so people hold their spots no matter what. Your spouse may have to take more than 50% of household bills, or help you decide what spending to cut. Also plan in case you have to leave work early - I had a month of bedrest before an emergency preemie birth! Savings are great, but so is spending less. Make a realistic budget and plan from there
Apply for short term disability if it’s included your benefits plan. That’s what I did and it’s 8 or 10 weeks depending on the type of delivery. I had sick leave saved up through my job, so I was able to supplement that with the disability pay. Also, my retirement plan let me withdraw money for a new birth. It lets you take up to $5000 out.
Spend time with the baby, leave him in daycare. I left mine in, I needed the bonding time with my daughter after a rough pregnancy following the loss of her sister previously. If this doesn’t work, look at your options then
I would keep him at home. It will be an adjustment for your oldest because he will not be the center of attention. It hits about the third day. Have your husband, grandparent etc take him for awhile that 3rd or 4th day for awhile. Does your husband pay more of the bills while you are at home? Whatever you do, enjoy and savor these moments because they fly by. People told me that and I was like this is grueling. My kids are now 16, 18, & 20. I wish I could go back and just enjoy and stop rushing things (i.e. the next step, seat belting themselves). Enjoy!
Should have got Aflac!
I went through the same fears. I ultimately had about 3 months of my salary set aside in case something bad happened to me and my 6 week maternity leave needed to be longer. I didn’t have any issues with my birth, so going back to work and waiting 2 weeks for my first check back wasn’t very hard. I would keep the other child in daycare for the first 2-3 weeks if they are very young and require constant care so you can heal a bit. Then keep them home for the remainder of your leave if you can.
We in California have state disability that you can draw when you can’t work.
When I was 3 months pregnant April 2021 ( with my second as well ) I quit my full time job … we went from 70,000 a year to 40,000 … haven’t regretted it one bit … you have to make life style changes but it’s worth being home with baby as long as you can … they don’t stay little for long
I’m in Canada and I don’t think I could of gone back to work after 4 months. we get maternity leave up to 18 months now . u never get that time back
keep older son in 2/3 days a week get friends to start a meal train to help.
start cutting back now and see what you can afford on more of a.limited income.
Enjoy the time with baby, you can’t get that back. Have your son go to daycare for a few weeks, then keep him home to help save on costs. But above all else cherish the time with your babies, that time can’t ever be replaced. Everything else is “small potatoes”….
I had c section and went back to work when my son was 3 wks did what i had to . My second child i took three months to go back i was in a better position. Again we do what we have to. Good luck!
I saved as much money as I could throughout my pregnancy. So by the time I had my baby I really wasn’t worried about money.
over thinking. Everything will work out. I think you are just stressed at this moment with baby number 2. Once the baby comes check out your situation and go from that point. To early to start stress
Shouldn’t these have been questions to ask before deciding to have another baby?
Everything will work out. At any time anything can happen. Went from a 150000 a yr to 60 a years because of Covid. We cut back on spending and going out and playing alot more board games. lol I hope everything works out for you and congrats on that baby girl.
Breathe for a minute. Will you be physically able to care for your 4 yr old after the baby is born? If not, keep him in daycare. If you can, keep him home with you. Some moms still take older ones to daycare 1 or 2 days a week for routine, or to keep their spot at daycare.