How Do We Explain to My Fiancé's Kids That Their Mom Wants Nothing to Do with Them and Has Relinquished All Rights?

Even though it’s going to hurt they need to know

You don’t you just keep loving them and hiding the fact that their mother is a piece of s***

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No don’t tell them until they are older

therapy would help a lot

Tell them she has adult stuff to deal with and she won’t be around for a while as a step child that felt abandoned by a biological parent I threw some awful things at my step mom be patient and get them therapy especially as they get to their teen years and hit puberty that’s when it really hits the fan my step mom and I are great now but I could’ve really used some therapy and possibly might idk


Gently. Very gently. Explain it as Mom can’t make it to visit right now, she has some grown up stuff to deal with first.

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Rather than asking Facebook, you should consult a marriage and family therapist as well as a child psychologist. Only they would know real answer to a very delicate subject


You don’t. Just tell them they’re staying with y’all for now and keep reaching out. Either she’ll tell them herself, or they’ll figure it out, but please don’t tell those kids their mom abandoned them.


I had the same issue with my children’s father. He wanted nothing to do with them. How I explained it to them was that it took 50% love from a Mom and 50% love from a Dad to make them and right now their Dad wasn’t able to continue with his 50%. So I would be giving them the entire 100%. I never spoke bad about their father in front of them. My children were 2 and 3 when this happened. They are now 24 and 25. I made sure that if he decided to show up in their lives that the door would be open. He never has.


I agree w you 100 percent Ashley Guthrie… Like you just need to respect them and show them love. If the time comes and that needs to be explained to them your fiance will do it and he may or may not want you their when he explains it. And you need to respect that, even if yes your becoming a family and your in their little lives still your their yo show them love and respect them be there for them and if those babies feel you love them promise they will open up you and start talking to you about it on their own

Its better to not say from ur mouth. Its easier for them to figure out on their own simply by the missing parents actions. Its not easy… never disrespect talk the missing parent it can cause resentment


DO NOT EVER say a word. Kids don’t need that burden. And they may, as children will often do, try to rethink it in their minds in a way that isn’t so shattering and decide that you and dad are to blame and keeping them from their mother to spite her in some way. I’d say family counseling is going to be needed.

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You should enlist the help of a therapist or clergy member with training in family counseling. Together you can explain to the children that their bio mom is not currently able to give them the care you all know they deserve. Don’t close the door on her ever coming back, but make it clear that it may be a long time before the mom’s able to be in their lives. Reassure them that they are loved and you want them to be with you. They may need someone not directly connected to the family as a sounding board for support, so be prepared to provide that opportunity. They are going to have questions, and you need to be as honest as you can be without causing them more emotional pain.

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DONT!!! You gotta love on the kids that are now on your watch. Don’t speak negatively about their mama…they get older and cognitive skills sharpen they will know you loved on them, didn’t speak harshly on their mama. I’m grateful my mama didn’t get all crazy about my bio daddy. Man I figured out his true colors when I was an adult and seeked him out. MY MISTAKE

I’ve lived it…don’t tell them…they will begin to understand as they grow and have “experiences” with her. Never bad mouth Mom…answer questions with love and kindness and give them the assurances of home, family, togetherness. They will come to love you as though they are from your loin. It can take awhile but always understand they are the children and you are the adult…best wishes for happy kiddos!!!

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You should first and foremost let them know that’s it’s nothing that they have done wrong. Be there for them and answer any questions they have. Love them with all your heart. Never keep them from her, that way they will understand one day that’s it’s her doing and not yours. It will be hard and there will be a lot of tears and broken hearts, but in the end they will have you to love them…

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You never tell a child their mother wants nothing to do with them. Who would actually do that? How horrible for these kids. They need counseling.


Let them notice and answer questions as they come. Never bad mouth the mother they may think it’s your fault. Continue to show the kids unconditional love and all will work out.

What I did was let my son notice it on his own and when he asked questions I would tell him the truth a d pointed out it’s a character flaw in his father not him


This is not your place to explain this to his children. YOUR HUSBAND needs to step to the plate and be a father to them and explain it in a way that doesnt hurt his kids. They may be hurt for a period of time, but again this needs to come from HIM, not you…You stay out of it. If the kids come to you, after he has talked to them, you can Then talk about it with them, but not before…You didnt say the age of the children, how many there are and I am assuming they live with Dad…but these are important factors …


True dont say it…only takes one decision for her to change her mind…teach them to pray for mommy

My stepmom just held me when I cried, refused to love me less or give up when I fought back and my dad never wavered. They both just showed up time and time again for me and it made all the difference. That’s why I call her my momma. Pam Van Lint-Beard

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Some things are best left unsaid. They will take it that something is wrong with them, not their mother. Don’t say anything.

Perhaps the children should be told that their mother still loves them but is wrestling with some issues right now and needs to concentrate on herself and getting better so she cannot be with them. Children are so fragile and telling them mom doesn’t want anything to do with you could be very detrimental to them. Assuring them that they will be loved always by their father and you while she is away from them. One day mom may change her mind

And honestly thats so fucked up like who could even feel like that…i dont understand some people like how a person could not want their child is beyond me i dont get it…like its your child like their a little you like wtfff

Don’t ever lie to your child. Give them the facts with as little of the details as possible. Do not impose your opinions on the situation either.

You say she loves them dearly but she has a lot of problems she’s working on and it may be awhile before she can see them again

You dont… thats ignorant… you dont have the right to do that.
They can figure it out when theyre older… you dont need to make them feel like shit

Don’t say anything, if you love tham dont hurts your children by saying anything negative about their father. Double love :heart: from your part. Soon or later the children’s will figure out!!!

Wait until they stop playing with an old toy or something and try to force them to play with it by asking how they would feel if somebody wanted to just throw them to the side like they did to that old toy. They will most likely say something smart ass or that they wouldn’t care. Then tell them it’s good that they feel that way because that is what their mom wants to do with them. Then get on here again in a few years and ask how to deal with substance abuse and teenage pregnancy.

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Stepmom always say that … not your business, may not be true … no man is worth hurting children over :rage:

YOU DON’T!!! Geesh…

Sadly when the other parent ceases to be part of their lives all you can do is be there for them and let them vent. Be a safe place for them and remind them they are loved. This isn’t their fault, its no reflection of them. Their parent has challenges and they have left them in the warm arms of those who will care for and love them, that is the best for them. In time they will make their own minds up about how they feel about it. All you can do is make sure they know they are worthy of so much love, and they deserve the world.

Ummm. You don’t. Tf. You let them come to that realization on their own. Their father just needs to tell them that their mother loves them but just can’t be there with them right now. That’s still their mom, they still love their mom and you don’t destroy their heart anymore then it probably already is.


Just tell them that she loves them the best that she is able to & because of issues within herself the best gift she could give them was you but that for them , for her and for you she decided it best to go.

Where’s their father. He needs to have the conversation with his children. You can be present for support.

You don’t. You let them come to that conclusion on their own. Until then you answer with simple no accusatory responses. “I dont know” “I am not sure” “I am sure she loves and misses you” They will come to the conclusion on their own ad if they don’t you shouldn’t tell them any different. It will destroy their trust in you and their dad.


Tell them to pray for her and love her no matter what. Let them know that someday things will work itself out…but for now you and their dad will be right there and never leave. Again encourage them to love her and not hate her. I dont know what she is thinking but one day she will regret this. She must be in a bad place to walk away from her kids. Never make them feel this was their doing. Prayers for you all. It will be a hard journey.

I don’t think is your place , I feel like their daddy should tell them and help even more with the transition , you just do what you would like things to be done if you were the mother of the kids that actually cared for them. From one stepmom to another. Been there done that . Good luck and God bless :pray::heart::+1::muscle:

Just tell them. She shouldn’t have made that decision. No sense in selling them lies. They need the truth so they can heal and know her for who she is. She’ll probably be bitter later on. She needs help!

You don’t EVER tell a child a parent doesn’t want them!! Just love them like your their birth mom! DNA doesn’t make ANY difference!


Omg. This sucks so bad. My ex won’t sign over his rights, laments that I won’t let him see them (leaves out that he’s a registered sex offender) and refuses to file anything. I will not tell my kids why he’s been gone. My go to was that he had some stuff to take care of and it was better for them to stay with me. That’s something he will have to face whenever he decides he wants to be a dad. There’s no easy answer. Honestly, if anyone other than mom tells them, it should be dad. Honestly it should be mom but based on the information at hand, she’ll avoid the question or turn it around on you guys. Be a safe space. Let them feel whatever they’re gonna feel. I’d also look into some counseling as well for them. There are some unique issues that may surface that a counselor would be better suited to assist with.

Don’t say anything. Just keep taking care of them and let her be the deadbeat. They’ll see it someday but badmouthing her to her children is just going to make you look like an asshole.

You never say that to children…just let her become a memory let her fade away


You don’t. You love them unconditionally, so they don’t need to question why she doesn’t.

There’s no reason to whatsoever. Jesus. Just be there for them and love them. They will understand everything in time.

You don’t tell them. They’ll be old enough one day to figure it out on their own. What you can do is step up and Love them like your own and become someone positive in their life.

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That’s not your job, it’s your fiances


Don’t say it that way, no kid wants to hear their parent doesn’t want them have empathy

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Considering they’re your fiancé’s children maybe you should let him talk to them…


You dont!!! Let time and her actions show them.


Do don’t… you just tell them every day that you and their dad love them. No need to tell them what they already feel…

They should hear it from their Dad. Prayers

you dont tell them that…smh

Time for you to step up… :heart: even more :heart:

Don’t. Just move on.

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You don’t that is the mothers responsibility and as the kids get older they’ll figure it out. That will crush a kid!!!

Get full custody now and I wouldn’t give there momma a second chance I walk straight in a lawyers office show them the text and go from there no child should have to deal with that, second off I tell both kids there momma is sick andis unable to see them,

I feel so bad for those kids. My heart is breaking for them. I have four children of my own and I could never dream of every not wanting anything to do with them. My four children are my life. The only thing I can really suggest is don’t tell the girls, but get yourself a therapist and bring the girls with you and you and the therapist can try to break it to them. Some people may suggest telling the girls that Mom is sick and that she went to a hospital to get some help, which could be a good excuse for a little while but eventually they are going to want to know the full 100% truth so maybe telling them something like that might just hurt them and might cause them to resent you later on. Good luck to you and your family I hope you guys find a resolution

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She and all need consuling tell them mom is ill she is mentally ill and their safety is first

Help support the mum to start with! Make sure she has some mental health team helping before you do anything else…


Give them lots of hugs. Embrace them with love so that they never feel they are missing out. Be the mother they need.
I wouldnt say anything.

Definitely get into thearpy n nvr tell kids they are not wanted truth or not…my son is adopted n id nvr tell him ur unwanted.

Wait until a more set in stone motion happens, otherwise as Shelly stated, could be a drunken text. If the time comes though, be honest with them, let them know with your gentle words what’s going on (without the added child blaming of course) but be sure they also know they’re still very much loved by you & Daddy and can always count you in their circle.

You’re a fiance and don’t need to be telling those children anything about their mother. Stay in your lane.

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Please don’t tell the kids bio mom is " sick " !!! Never do that. They will think when people get " sick " they leave . Definitely talk to them about what issues bio mom is dealing with , explain that it doesn’t mean bio mom doesn’t love you ,just that at this moment she can’t take care of you the way you need, get custody, get the girls someone to talk to and you and your partner seek ways to help them understand.
Backstory; I was a foster parent for 16 yrs … I had a worker tell a little that mommy was " sick " everytime someone got sick … she’d freak out and think they were leaving :broken_heart:
Telling kids the truth *age appropriate * is always the best solution. * coming from cas psychologist * and IF You must say sick… use it in the context of mental health- substance abuse, alcoholism.
Just my experience.


Don’t tell them yet. You honestly never know. It could be a drunk text,she’s still hurting from you and him being together (not sure how long y’all have been together),maybe at one point the kids have told her out of anger that they like being at dads and your house more. You never truly know… just don’t tell them. They will be crushed!! I would text the ex back and say if that’s how you really feel about it then we can get it taken care of but it’s normally harder for mom to sign off rights., most states normally require someone else step in and adopt them…

Get them in counseling like yesterday. Individual for everyone and then family


You dont…she does ir shrs in her right mind and she will have major regrets later unless she’s from another planet

I definitely wouldn’t tell them what she has said. I would tell them that their mother is going through some things and they can’t see her right now until she feels better. That is a really hard situation you will have to take day by day and if the mother goes through with this, you can explain better when they are older.


Omg. That’s awful if it’s true. You should stay out of that and only be their for the kids if you are close to them. It’s up to their farther to deal with that.


Get a really good family counselor. They will be able to guide you through. But do not tell those girls their mother doesn’t want them. That will guarantee that they will believe it’s their fault


Get therapists involved ASAP. They need a platform to discuss their emotions and learn to cope. Bless you for stepping in and giving them love :heart:
If they ask questions about her until then, be honest and say I don’t know where she’s at or what she’s doing. Good job at not explaining more then that can handle!!

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Idk what state you are in but many states do not let a parent “sign off” rights without someone else signing on … You can’t basterdize (not sure on the spelling)

U don’t ! It’s the fathers job to tell them that not u ! I would hang fire on telling the poor child until it’s absolutely certain she doesn’t want them ! Maybe It’s a cry for help from her !

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Don’t tell them anything they will eventually see it on there own as they grow if they ask questions just simply say im not or idk

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I would tell them, that their mother needs help right now, because she’s not in a good place in her life. And that she needs their understanding and love and patience. That you hope she’ll come back around when she’s better.
You NEVER Tell a child that they are not wanted, especially by their own mother. Even if that’s the case. If she’s truly horrible, they will realize that on their own when they are old enough. Good luck to you and your family.


Let them know that their mom is sick, and someday she may feel better

A lot of people are really missing the point here, too many people have said for her to stay out of it because they’re not her kids but did any of you notice she said how do WE help her. The girls’ father needs help about it as well. He has gone to his fiance for help to deal with a difficult situation and since she also was stumped as how to handle this, she came to where she thought was a safe place to discuss mature matters to help children in need and their father who is at a loss of what to do. If you’re not going to be helpful why even comment. She’s only trying to help her fiance as one should and be there for the kids she loves.


I wouldn’t tell them everything, but unless she’s just going through some personal stuff that’s making it hard to be a parent I wouldn’t really lie to them. My kids dads don’t have anything to do with them my eight year old has asked. She knows her dad just wasn’t ready to be a parent and that he may never be. I don’t sugar coat it because I want her to learn how to deal with her feelings when it comes to that because bottling it up and thinking some day they’ll come around will lead to a lot of issues for some kids.


Get them into counseling and speak to a lawyer.

Let them know she has agreed to let them stay with you and explain how grateful you are for this make sure they get lots of love thats all any child needs dosent matter who it comes from.

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Tell the girls that Mom is dealing with some issues and can’t see them right now, but that you hope she will be able to in the future. They are too young to absorb much else.

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You dont. You have them call their mother and ask her why they dont see her. She will have to answer.

I would seek help from a child therapist, they deal with absentee parents all the time. Also, i agree with a previous post that you should get a lawyer so the kids can maintain a stable home with you guys

This is a really difficult subject to deal with. Go to a preacher and ask for help or a professional child therapist. You really want to be able to tell the children things in a way they will understand and help will allow you to do this. Since you received this, in a letter, does it mean she lives some distance from you - if so, for now, until you discuss this subject with a preacher or professional, just tell them their mother is unable to come see them for now.

Wow… I am so sorry… I sincerely hope this mother comes to her senses. I’d definitely save the message in case they ever ask to see it. But I’d seek some professional advice on how to handle this

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tell them that she yhinks they can do better for then and she will see them when she gets her self siyuated

Some people never grow up

The truth is the only way…

Perfect Angele Nelson

I would wait until they ask. And when they do, I would sit them down and explain that sometimes birth mothers aren’t the people God intended (if you don’t believe in God, you could use whatever replacement. Earth. Universe. etc.) to raise the children. Explain that their mother has something wrong in her head and she needs to work on herself so she can be a good Mommy some day… and that in no way, is it either of their fault, and that you will always stick by their side, because you love them like they were your own. I’d also suggest some therapy… because being rejected by a parent can be very hard on a child…but especially when it comes to little girls and their mother.

Children will figure it on their own.
Dont ever ever say bad things about another parent especially if you are a step parent!!
This will only backfire on you and crush the kids.
Not to mention it not YOUR place.
Your fiance can handle this.
You can be the loving support step parent you should be, minus any trash talk!!!
Just love them.

Also assure those children they are loved frequently

His great loss not theirs.

Don’t until they are much older they will start to figure it out themselves

YOU DON"T Love them and give them love and a good life

Don’t say a word. If you do theyll blame you

They are 8 and 10 years old. They aren’t toddlers. They will know they are lying.