Are there other moms in the group that had a traumatic pregnancy/birth and can’t seem to get past it? I’ve been looking into resources as the after-birth story is just as traumatic as the rest, but I’m wondering what other moms have done to cope with the fear.
I died when I had my first child. I bled out and my placenta was not wanting to come out. I got rushed to the OR and given all new blood to replenish my body. They packed my uterus after finally getting my placenta out and waited 24 hours before removing the gauze rolls and determining whether or not the bleeding had stopped and if I was going to have to have an emergency hysterectomy. Luckily the bleeding was minimal and I got to keep all my original parts. 4 months later I found out I was pregnant again. And scared that I was going to leave 2 kids without a mother if it happened again. But I wasnt about to let fear stop me from bringing another beautiful baby in to this world. So I made sure I had the best doctors I could find and they made sure I had the best care possible! I trusted them 100% and when the time came to give birth all doctors were in the hospital and ready to go to save my life again if needed! Now I’m pregnant with baby number 5 and I trust my doctor completely to take care of whatever is needed! Its all about trust and knowing my doctor is capable and prepared for me! We talk about every step and when I get to the hospital she makes sure even the nurses are informed of what could happen so they are ready as well!
If you want to bring another baby in to this world, please dont be afraid! You are a strong woman who was made for this! Find a team of doctors you can trust and go for it! And since its the second time around everyone will be expecting what could go wrong and prepare for it! But hopefully everything will be smooth sailing!!
Good luck momma!!
It was my third child, my placenta didn’t come out. I had to be rushed in for surgery. I’ve never been so scared in my life, especially during a time that was supposed to be one of the most beautiful moments. The Dr literally had his hand in me and took out my placenta little by little. I was freaking out on the table. He was a great Dr though and forever grateful for him taking care of me. I was scared and never wanted another baby but a year and a half later I got pregnant again. I was scared the whole time too but it went really well. It never happened again thank goodness.
My first child. She was born stillborn due to her being breached.
I had my entire pregnancy and birth alone nobody was at my birth nor in the room besides doctors and I had a c section cus I’m type 1 diabetic and he was born at 36 weeks so I was alone in the NICU with him the entire time as well. I dont think I’ll ever get past it and I’ve never forgave my child’s father for it
My first baby was stillborn at 24 weeks.
So number one thing I can say, is always trust your gut.
But also remember, no two pregnancies will ever be the same.
Find doctors that will listen to you & your requests.
I’ve had 2 more babies since him & their birth stories aren’t what I exactly pictured but they were nothing like his.
Seeing a Postpartum Support International trained perinatal Therapist can be very helpful.
Just like the 1st 2 comments there was a part of my placenta that was stuck to me and my dr told me afterwards he actually spent I think 30 mins trying to detach it to get it out. He finally got it but I was hemorrhaging and passing clots and the time the nurses would come to massage my stomach was the most pain I’ve ever felt. More than giving birth. I was so scared they we’re gonna tell me I was gonna die. Turns out I still had a good amount of the placenta in me still and I cried to my nurse that I couldnt handle anymore pain so she spoke to my dr about seeing if there was another way they could get it out without him putting his hands back up there so they used some sort of machine like a vacuum to get it out and I felt so much better afterwards. Almost instantly. I got a quick glimpse of the bucket that catches everything and it was literally half or so filled with my blood. It was with my 2nd baby so me and my fiancé said no more cause were scared to have another with the unknown of if it could happen again. My first baby everything was so different. Pregnancy and birth and postpartum was so easy. So it definitely day and night. But just having my babygirl come out healthy and beautiful made it all worth it. And my dr is a good dr so I feel like I’m kinda open to another if that’s what we decide in the future.
My 3rd child will be 2 in June. He got stuck behind my pelvis because he was such a big baby (9pound 10… doctors didn’t measure my stomach properly while I was pregnant so we had no idea he was so big) the doctors had to basically jump on my hips to yank him out… By the time they got him out he was dead… They had to revive him luckily he survived. It still scares me to this day, and I don’t think I’ll ever be ready for another baby.
I know everyone is well meaning but sharing your traumatic stories with someone who has stated that she is having a hard time overcoming her trauma will likely just trigger her trauma response even more.
Birth trauma is a very real thing. As you can see, you are definitely not alone in it I second the recommendation for seeking out a postpartum international trained perinatal therapist. If you can’t access one find a therapist in your area. Good luck
My first full term pregnancy my daughter was stillborn at 38 weeks 5 days. I was completely scared but wanted a rainbow baby and fought through the terror in my heart and we had our beautiful rainbow baby! She was a little traumatic as well. Her sugars bottomed out upon birth and was sent an hour away to the nicu in the children’s hospital. I was released 26 hours after my c section so I could go be with her. We then spent 8 days in the nicu! She is now an 11 month old beautiful healthy girl!!
I tried not to think of it, to this day it seems surreal. Luckily I was not the one watching. I went on to have another baby and that birth was amazing. Just think of you baby and how lucky you are to have him/her. You are hear and nothing else matters, it is in the past!
I had a traumatic birth. It takes a long time to get past it. My child lived but I almost died. Once I got past the self blame and acknowledged it wasn’t my fault, I got over the hump. When I did find out earlier this year I was pregnant, to help prevent revisiting, I opted to get a referral to a different hospital that is more equipped with beyond capable staff to handle normal and high risk pregnancies/childbirth. That has helped me out. My current OB put in several referrals- one of them being mental health. It has been beneficial in a very big way. I hope you heal. It’s a rough road but the miles disappear and you will feel alright soon
Let me just say my second birth was 1000% easier than my first. With my first I pushed for 4 hours. With my second I pushed for maybe 3 minutes.
I was 17 in labor my placenta was falling out in pieces I was rushed to OR at 33 weeks. I bled out needed a blood transfusion. I had to talk to a therapist for awhile. But I went and had 3 more babies all healthy full term deliveries
Medication, counselling to deal with ptsd that i has after my daughter 14months ago. I cant live without meds now
I saw and still see a counselor. My little one is 5. I did have a second and he’s 2.5. Honestly I’m still not over it. His birthday and the following day are tough. My response to those days has gotten better over the years and it’s gotten easier. But I still remember. I just hug and kiss him and am grateful he’s here.
Talking about what happened with people you trust helps. Practice gratitude, a lot. This is what helped me the most. It’s hard, and the fear and sadness of it all will fade with time. I’m sorry you’re going through this. It’s surprising how many women have dealt with this kind of trauma.
God and therapy. It’s not something I talk about with anyone else, they wouldn’t wanna hear it anyway
I had an emergency C-section and had I’ve never experienced surgery in my life so the whole thing traumatized me! I am definitely a believer in crying about it if it’s bugging you, also I’d say take it easy on yourself and nurture yourself a tad more, enjoy your shower 5mins longer, I’d also say don’t be afraid to speak to someone, anyone a friend a family member if you feel a professional would be better do it… I spoke to a nurse on the maternity ward one night wen I called asking for advice on why my baby was crying, I’m a new mom I had my baby 9nonthd ago and also my mom passed away so IM LITERALLY LEARNING THIS and I think she knew that and instead asked me how I was doing and I told her the truth… Not good. Motherhood is hard and I’m getting better at it… But having that one nurse comfort me wen I said “my surgery wasn’t planned I feel different after having a c section it really scared me” she comforted me and acknowledged what I went through was a big deal and was scary especially if you never been through it before. Some days are better then others but it will get a little easier.
I had a 2 day induction and then a unplanned csection with my first. Got pregnant 4 months pp with my 2nd. I had so much anxiety that pregnancy that I gave myself heart palpitations. My water randomly broke with her a couple days before I was due and she was my smallest baby. I think it was all stress related. I had a successful vbac though. And my other 2 were completely normal happy pregnancies. But I did struggle a lot with my 2nd pregnancy with anxiety.
Following.
I have ptsd since before I got pregnant & my birth made it worse. Every time a birth shows up on television I wince, and get stuck in the moment I gave birth until I open my eyes. It sucks
(I try to avoid shows like these now)
For me, I had to reach out to my Dr. I suffered from PPD after my traumatic birth and I didn’t feel attached to my son. It took medication and talking about what happen to get past it. I had to acknowledge that no one was to blame, especially my body. It didn’t fail me, things just didn’t go as planned. It’s been 9 years almost 10. I’ve had another child (5 years after) and I’m pregnant with my third. I think my second being a good experience helped heal some of that trauma because I was terrified to do another c-section and so was my spouse but we leaned on each other. Find someone to lean on, talk to and most of all reach out for help whenever you need it
I visited my doctor and began taking Paxil. Once my brain was balanced I was able to think clearly and start processing it in order to move past it. This is just what worked for me though. I’m much better now.
Take the birthing class that your hospital offers, they should go over all of the interventions for things if they don’t go to your plan.
Don’t be set on your plan happening, be ok and accepting of doing whatever needs to happen for a safe and healthy baby.
There are postpartum resources offered by your hospital that you can be a part of.
My 1st daughter’s heart stopped during labor. We both almost died. I still don’t cope well with almost losing her. She’s 5 now and the only time she has ever been away from me was when i had my second daughter and I cried the whole time and again when i finally seen her again. I feel like I will go the rest of my life with the fear of thinking i will lose her. I still can’t openly talk about it without crying.
I chose to never have another child after how bad my experience was. There is no way in Hell I will ever put myself through that again
With my oldest…I had gestational diabetes and preeclampsia. Had a “dislocated” rib during last trimester.
The day he was born…I was induced at 39 weeks. On pitocin for 18 hours. Lots of cues that a emergency csection was needed but they were ignored. I tried to tell them something was wrong. They told me I was just anxious.
He ended up getting stuck. His arm was broke…shoulder dislocated. He had to be revived. He was in shock hypoglycemic. He has a permanent nerve injury. The nurses blamed me.
When I noticed his arm wasnt moving (nerve injury) they tried to tell me I was crazy.
It was a big long thing.
Lots of out of town specialist appointments.
Really too much to put here. That was almost 8 years ago.
First. Focus on the here and now and take it one day at time. Dont think about what did happen or what will happen. You’ll make yourself crazy. Just think about right now. What you can do today. What you need to do today.
Next start making a list of positives. You’ll have to look for them, but when you try…they’ll be there.
I did have a second child. It brought up a lot of feelings. Fear for starters. Then guilt and rage. Two things I oddly things hadn’t really let myself feel. I had better doctors. I made the opposite decsions as I did with my oldest. Had an elective csection. Advocated for myself like a bitch. Went straight to formula.
That’s gotten easier. I had to learn to forgive myself. I put the blame where it belonged, am working on forgiving that…and made sure that I took a lesson from it all.
You could join Maternal Near-Miss Survivors Support Group…I struggled for a long time with this and it helped at times…I never went myself but I think therapy would have helped a lot! Good luck