Blended families and favoritism- what are your experiences with this? I am still struggling with this issue after five years, and my kids are not treated as equals at family functions. For example, my kids got socks from their grandparents-in-law, and they gave their “real” grand daughter a tablet. I put heart and soul into gifts for my S.O.‘s family members, so it just hurts. And then my S.O. clearly favors his daughter- never gets stern with her but will yell at my daughter because she was beating his daughter in a video game. I treat all the children the same. I don’t understand why it is so hard. Am I crazy for thinking it is time to leave? There are a lot of other issues too, but this one irks me the most, especially since my kids see it and ask questions. My kids are 8, 11, and 12 and his daughter is 10 years old.
It’s time to go after 5yrs.
Go for your kids they deserve better
Kids already have iPads?
id of told them to shove the socks up their arse !!! how dare they
Your not crazy. It all starts with your husband. Ask him how he would feel if you treated his kid and his family like they do. Let him know that you will not be bringing yourself or your kids around any family functions and his daughter will not be allowed to play with your kids.
Nope i would be packing up and leaving. If ur so is treating ur kids like that ontop of ur in laws…just imagine how much its hurting ur kids !!
Favoritism hurts! We went thru so much of this with my family and my husbands family. I dealt with mine, put a foot up some peoples asses, cut them off. He dealt with his. Our kids still don’t see his mom, for other reasons included. After 5 years though, dude is an ass if he treats children differently. Kids are kids, yours, mine, his, theirs…
Why would you let those people be around your child? I wouldn’t. My MIL plays favorites. I don’t have time for that crap.
I’ve always believed blood is thicker than water. As long as he isn’t physically mean why shouldn’t he love his real daughter more. I would hope you love yours more than his. I’d be furious if I thought my mom loved or bought someone else the same gifts or gave same amount of money to someone other than me and my brother. Same for grandparents.
I would cut contact. My mom is obsessed with my oldest son and has said mean and hate filled comments about my other 2 boys. They are 9,6,4. I went No contact with her for my childrens sake. We are now in court battling for grandparent rights to my older 2 but basically my oldest. $15,000 and counting to protect my children…
Set sm example for your children. You and the children deserve so much better.
Why is this even a question? Women seriously get on here and ask “Should I choose my boyfriend or my kids?” If this is something you have to ask, you don’t need either of the two.
I dealt with this for almost 4 years. I am now divorced and so much happier
That sucks please leave dont let your kids be abused
time to go my soon to be mother in law plays favorites and my son sees it he refuses to go near her and that’s fine because he’s learning to ignore those types of family members
I wouldn’t be letting my husband treat my kids like that I would have left a long time ago my opinion 5 years is too long to stay in a relationship like that
Its time to go. I come from a blended family. My twin and I were 13, my brothers were 16 and 18 when my mother married my stepfather, and even being teenagers he imediently without hesitation accepted all of us as his own children, and his children were 6, 15, and 19 and mom mom did the same, now 9 years later and the word “step” is never spoken, we’re all brothers and sisters, and that’s my dad, and we all get mad if anyone tells us differently.
I would have a frank discussion with my husband and his parents and let them know that if things don’t change you will be contacting a lawyer and there will be a division of property … Their behaviour is disgraceful … poor kids… When he decided to commit to you he also made a commitment to your children …
Time to go. If he cares, he will talk it out with you and the apologize to the kids and do better. Your kids deserve better.
Its wrong, I have one grandson he lives far from me , his mother has two other younger boys , when I send gift I send for all age appropriate similar things and a family gift for all to play with as well . Even for my grandsons birthday I send a few extra presents for the brothers because I mail a package and I dont what my grandson to get a package and the other kids not , yes I know it’s his birthday but kids still are kids and they want something fun to .
I would refuse any gift from them and if your husband doesn’t back you then he is not good enough for your kids .
Choose your kids. They need to come first.
We have a blended family. My whole family treats my son and step daughter the same. You’d never know which one has the same DNA. That’s how it should be. I’d leave.
I don’t plain and simple. My kids well being is more important to me to let them be treated like second class citizens
As a child from a blended family, it really sucks to be treated as a second class citizen. I would not allow my child to be treated differently if I could help it.
its called emotional and mental abuse… it’s your job as a parent not to put them or keep them in that situation… your children are supposed to be more important than any man. fuck the boyfriend.
Don’t try any more they are cruel rude people.
The step grandparent/ sock thing I would ignore. She may be thinking that your children have other grandparents to spoil them who don’t buy her bio grand daughter is anything. So she treats her grand daughter differently. But your bf getting mad that your daughter beats his at a game is not something you can look past. Run!
Your kids come before your feelings. So you have to decide what is in their best interest without bringing your feelings for him into it.
He is like that because his parents are like that. Speak up and dont ever let him get away with treating your daughter like that
It may be time to leave. Not because of the in laws, you cant control them and some people are just clueless dicks. But because of your husband. Once you guys got married your kids became his kids and if you have addressed this problem and he hasn’t changed, if I were you I would start preparing to leave. Your kids are your priority and they deserve to be treated with respect in their own home.
After that many years I wouldn’t expect much change. Take your children where they are happy and where their momma can be happy too
Your SO chose to be a part of a blended family & so there really is no excuse for his behaviour. A little more difficult when it comes to grandparents as they haven’t chosen to take on your children as their own, it’s kind of put upon them Would be lovely if they could look at them all the same but it can be hard for some people I guess. Honestly I’d be more angry at my partner in this case, if things didn’t change I’d be out
Oh it doesn’t change. I’m so sick of it!
I had the same problem for 9 years my step kids got expensive presents but my 2 got junky Avon crap.in no way is that acceptable that is cruel. Now my daughter cousin on her dad’s side always got all the attention and presents and my daughter got flash lights used stuff animals etc from his family. Not right at all!!!
If you do stay stop buying anyone but your child gifts for holidays and birthdays. Save that extra money for her things. Insist they stop buying gifts for her bc you will not be reciprocating. They can spoil eachother, but at least let someone spoil her on a special day.
I never put up with it. Even from his family. I’ve returned gifts given to my children by their dads family because of it. My kids, your kids, OUR kids.
I’m having the same issue apart from my SO treating my child differently. Its his family that treats MY daughter and even MYSELF different but obsesses over our son.I’ve put my foot down and made the decision neither me nor BOTH of my children will be attending anymore of their family functions. I am done with the crap. Kids first over everything
Leave and more because of you boyfriend and how he treats your kids
Leave him. That’s awful.
I would sit him down tell hey this needs to be fixed or me and my kids are gone plain and simple
Leave asap protect your kids
I wouldn’t go anywhere. HE would be out the door as quick as he came in it.
I would leave. I will never understand step-parents who don’t treat their partners kids as equals.
I have a step-son and I’ve treated him as my own since day 1. And after having my own I realised how much I actually would do for him and love him exactly as I love my own. Even my family treat him as their blood.
Your kids deserve better and so do you!
Yuck move on. Adukts treating children like this is disgusting. I’d be out the moment it happened the 1st time
Men can come and go. Your children will always be there for you, regardless❤️ I’d probably be single, if this happened to my children.
I wouldn’t tolerate any kind of favorites! We are a blended family have been for 25 yrs… when my " in laws " did this, Myself and " our" child stopped going . Simple. " our " child was good enough till " they" got a blood grandchild . Of course isn’t different! BUT a child should never feel that, of course they love them differently… but again a child should never feel or see it ! In my experience I spoke with my partner and explained what " I " was feeling and in our case what “our” and when I said our " tech he’s " mine " but he is OUR child said. Haven’t seen or spoke to them in 17+ yrs and they are fine with it ,just as I am.
I wouldn’t and didn’t stand for it.
I’ve already told my boyfriend that it’s a no warning offense. Treat our child the same as my child or I’m gone.
I’ve been the kid in the situation, I will never allow my daughter to be made to feel like she’s not good enough.
I dont tolerate favoritism… If they cant treat the kids equally my kids wont be around… Quit going to my grandmas for years cause she treated all the kids different… My kids noticed it she refused to stop… We quit going till she decided to stop…
As someone who was on the receiving end of this as a kid, it hurts … and it does lasting damage. Even as an adult I have major inferiority issues because my step family treated my sister and I as tagalongs and we were left out of a lot… and yes, even received Christmas socks one year while my brother got a Starter Coat. One year we just got a cellophane baggy of candy and he got a Sega Game System.
Talk to them altogether cause this is not cool. I’d leave his ass over this.
I do not believe blood is thinker than water.
If you are a family you are family. But I’ve been there and it only hurts the kids. They don’t need to feel less cause they didn’t come from his junk
Sounds like time to naco
I think it’s terrible
My husband and I have 4 bio kids
However when my sister passed away my husbands family took her son as their own.
Oh hell No!! All children are equal and deserve to be loved by those who dont think less of them or treat them like less!!. Run, your kids deserve so much better.
It takes a real lowlife to treat a child like that!
Not acceptable!! Leave!!! They are horrible for treating your kids that way
Girl leave …it will get worse and the kids will notice…it’s not fair them…
Men can be replaced. Your children cannot. Never let anyone make your kids feel
like they are less than. My ex husbands family does this to our kids. My dad plays favorites with my sisters kids. Any kid that walks into my house gets treated the same as my own. If your kids are here at dinner and we go out they get to go too. If I buy for my kids and your kids are with me they get stuff too. Kids don’t understand ‘step’ or half or whatever. All they know is that someone is being treated differently.
If your kids notice they are being treated differently, it’s your place to put a stop to it.
definitely time to leave
Oh hell no! I would NEVER let a man treat my kids like that. My kids come first. It’s one thing for his family to play favorites but it’s completely different for your SO to do so. My husband is not the father to my older two girls. I made sure he would treat them right before I decided to allow him into my family. We have two kids of our own now and he treats them all equally. He also knew there was a line that he couldn’t cross when it came to disciplining. Too many mothers jump into relationships and allow their men to watch and discipline their kids. In my opinion, I think this is wrong. As far as my In-laws, they don’t care about my children but my husband made sure that they include them and treat them as his children. If your husband is not on board then they will never be either.
All children should be treated the same
Have you talked to them about the favoritism? If not. I’d start there.
My mom came into this issue because my sister married a man with a child.the boy is rough.
And we don’t have a good bond with him.
But my mom still spent the same amount of money on him that she did her other grandkids so he would feel included.
Even wrote grandma and grandpa on his gifts.
Girl… I’d be having some conversations and if nothing changes then leave.
Tell him that shit has to change. Your kids will notice if you dont stand up for them.
Yeah i’d leave. Fuck dealing with that shit. You’re kids dont deserve to be treated like shit by your partner… & you should talk to your in laws about treating the kids equally.
ummm it would be crazy not to leave. if it was just the in laws then that’s not a make or break type thing…but your partner doesn’t treat your child as his own. fuck that.
This wouldn’t even be a question for me. It would happen one time and one time only and I’d set it straight. The minute they thought they would let it happen again me and mine would be on our way out. Period! This is so unacceptable.
Don’t allow your children be treated badly they all should be treated the same
You’re not being unreasonable to want to leave. I would because my kids come first, always have.
When my husband’s mom was alive, she bought presents for my older kids like they were her own blood grandchildren, for bdays too
I definitely kept an eye on these sort of things from the beginning, your feelings are valid.
Leave now b for ur own kids are lost forever
Um first question is why are you with someone who mistreats your child🤔
I’m confused… is this a high school student or the mom?
That comment made me furious.
Let me get this straight— say your brother marries a woman with kids. And then for Christmas your parents gave your kids and his step-kids a new tablet. You’d be furious? You’d be furious if she showed the same love to those grandkids? Because don’t get it wrong here lady, those are her grandkids. And those are tour brothers kids
Who knows, you may not even be your dads real daughter
Does that mean your dad should love your brother more?
In my family, we don’t do step or adopted or any of that shit. If you’re family, you’re family
I hate to break it to you but you’re not the most important person in this man’s life And you never will be. You need to come first children second. That’s the way an adult romantic relationship between two committed individuals needs to be in order to last
If he’s yelling at your daughter for beating his in a game then move on ffs.
If there have been conversations already and they are continuing to do the same I think it’s time to let the husband know that it is getting to the point that you will leave if it continues. Then prepare to make your exit. The kids deserve to be treated the same. They can’t control who their parents are or who they marry. Best of luck to you.
Nope. Bye. Adults who can mistreat children purposely would not be in my child’s life. No matter who it is.
If your SO and his family are not going to treat your kids equally then its time to leave.
It won’t get any better and she will be forever mentally damaged by what they are doing. Been there, still damaged 25 years later.
I would pack up today. Your children will hold that against you one day. It hurts then and they can tell.
Confused. These are your husbands kids or step kids… i ask because do they have other grandparents that buy for them and not your husbands daughter? Or how to justify their gifts choices? How us it at your parents and grandparents with all the kids?
My ex bf favored his kids over mine. Mine he didn’t want in the room but his could go wherever. I was loving his kids as my own and my son was suffering for it. His grades dropped and his attitude changed. Nope. Me putting up with a narcissist was bad enough, but my son was so happy when I kicked the guy out. Your kids come first. And I found someone who loves my kids as his own. Its time to move on love. It won’t get better. Only worse.
People are ugly. I personally would stay very far away from people like that. Children living in the same household should all be treated equally. I would definitely have a conversation about these issues and if no changes are made, then I would leave. OR you can just treat your kids better than everyone else to make up for their crappy family in laws attitudes towards young innocent children. Like forget buying anyone else anything and focus more on your kids happiness if no one else will. Put YOUR kids first. Best of luck to you.
Does he see his daughter as often as he sees your children? I’m just asking because If hes with your kids 24/7 and only sees his own 4 days a month it might feel like he yells at yours but not his own because yours are the ones hes around all the time …if he gets 2 days every other weekend to form a bond with his own I could kinda see where he wouldnt wanna spend the time constantly reprimanding her …as for the in laws stop taking your kids there for holidays …take them to your families until they get the hint…my family used to do this to my exs kids…wed show up and they would have gifts for my 2 kid but not his 2 boys…we had been together for years and it kept happening…so I refused to come to christmas if they didnt treat his kids the same…the first time they got them last min rite aid specials cuz they didnt take me seriously until christmas day and had to get gifts on the way…but christmases after that they always made sure to get his boys gifts of equal importance as the ones they got my 2 kids.
If you’re already thinking it’s time to leave, then you have your answer.
Have a talk with them and tell them how you feel
If you are thinking that it’s time to leave then it’s time to leave.
It will not change. Leave
Have you tried talking to any of them about it? (Sorry if it’s been mentioned I didn’t read any comments) but I have 3kiddos altogether and only my youngest is my boyfriends. We’ve been together almost 5years but his family has taken them in as their own since day 1.
I would not put my children through that. You are right to want to leave.
My husband and I have one child together. He’s 4. I’ve helped raise my friend’s daughter since she was 3. She’s 11. He’s been in her life for 5yrs. He treats HER like his own and she isn’t even technically mine, so YES there is definitely a problem.
Good bye. I got lucky my daughter is treated as equal. But there is a slight difference on time when it comes to my toddler and my older two( his included in older two) they don’t want to spend time as much. I am hoping its because he is 23 months. When he is potty trained and can actually do things I am sure it will be different
Run. No man is worth your children growing up in a toxic environment.
Can’t do it! Something like that is not on nor is it healthy socially or emotionally. If this is just one of the issues you are seeing; I hate to ask how much worse are they being treated behind your back.
I could never tolerate this. Good luck; follow your heart!
I dont understand why everyone’s first response is to leave, its not her husband’s fault. My husband’s family does this so we limit our time, but my own mother does it to biological grandkids. Its not my fault and its not my husband’s fault, thats on them, and yes the kids see it and they also act accordingly with these people. I won’t ask them to act different because respect is earned not given regardless of age. Now if your spouse is the one doing it thats a whole different story. But you are your husband are one not you and his family. No ones family is perfect and you will lose yourself trying to find it.
It hurts I’ve been there, my brothers and I received fanny packs for x mas while her two bio grandkids got 3 presents a piece…just be there for your children . Show them love and be honest with them that maybe some people don’t understand what they do or that there are rude people in the world but mamma has their backs.
Sounds like there’s a real problem but let me ask is he your husband or SO. If he is a S O, the grandparents have no obligation to your children which maybe would be same if he were your husband
Leave. It will not get better. Your children’s self esteem is far more important than keeping peace in a one-sided family dynamic. Yours is too.
I would definitely leave and not have any children with him !
You see it online how one parent takes another as his/her own and the kid or the parent adopts the child/parent it’s amazing is it out there yes of course, how many parents are actually successful in finding that not everyone’s story has a fantastic ending. One thing I know for sure guaranteed is that if one parent gets his/her own kid things change dramatically to them it’s not the same as it won’t be with you if you were in a situation it’s hard to comprehend until your in that boat, but understand that, no it’s not fair it sucks it downright stupid! However it’s you that are the mother to YOUR kids and that’s what matters the most and it’s up to you to treat them all equally you buy one a gift you get them all something, what others get them shouldn’t be on there agenda other people will not make them happy in their lives you will, it’s hard to understand why people can play favourites expecially when kids are in the question I will never understand it, I’ve tried to comprehend it many times, I give up, I just treat everyone equal and don’t care what others do or don’t do for the kids and I ensure the kids learn that also.