How do you deal with toddlers who do not listen?

I’m trying the 3 step approach and it’s working. Step 1: tell tot you don’t like him/her doing the action and this is the first warning. If undesired behavior continues, Step 2: get eye level with child and explain the action/behavior is not nice/not safe/whatever the case may be, and explain if it doesn’t stop, a time out will be enforced. Step 3: timeout for however old the child is (2 = 2 min).

I’ve started this with mine and I find I don’t holler or fuss as much. He knows after the 2nd warning is timeout time and he does not like that.

2 Likes

I could have wrote this myself, especially today. Unfortunately it seems if parents don’t have kids that do the EXTREME tantrums they don’t understand how bad it can get. Today because I asked my 4 year old to take a bite of a mozzerella stick he had a screaming meltdown for over an hour. His screaming was making my 7 month old baby cry, so I removed myself and the baby to our bedroom, my older son just kept throwing himself at the door screaming and basically foaming at the mouth with saliva. Sticking to my guns is destroying my mental health to an extreme degree and there is no way that doesn’t hurt his mental health too because his mom won’t comfort him. But if I give in, he wins so he will keep doing it. It’s really a lose lose situation for everyone. All over 1 bite of mozzarella stick (happens with any food).

7 Likes

There are so many articles on this website which are great! https://www.ahaparenting.com/parenting-tools/Discipline

Use time outs if needed. They should start when she is calm and last in minutes her age. Ignore negative behaviors. Like if she is screaming in time out. Getting louder bc you wont fill sippy etc… If she starts throwing things place her somewhere where she cant access toys to throw or remove toys very calmly. I used to have to restrain in time out until my oldest daughter was calm. But you must remain calm. Make no eye contact when ignoring. Most importantly, use positive reinforcemenment when she does comply and do things well. Praise praise praise the good. Because the positive reinforcement will go a long way :heart:

1 Like

Distraction, distraction, distraction if you distract her with something else she’ll forget what she’s crying for. My 2 1/2 yr old loves to read so I’ll say go get your book. Do you want to read? Or I’ll give her a snack at that age they get distracted very easy. I find myself yelling sometimes also none of us mom’s are perfect just remember if she could tell you exactly what she wanted she would. Don’t beat yourself up I’m sure your doing a great job.

Breathe hun. This is a normal feeling. Toddler trying to express themselves causes tantrums. Allow a little.time for them.to try themselves where u can. Try and allow yourself a little downtime too. This will pass. It’s just a stage x

My son went through temper tantrum‘s and I started rewarding him for the good behavior instead of hollering at him for the bed. I made a calendar and every day that he did not throw a temper tantrum he got a gold star. Each color star sticker meant something different. At the end of the month, he was rewarded with a matchbox car. The reward does not have to cost a lot. We only had to do this a couple of months and the temper tantrum‘s stopped. In other words, focus on the good by telling him how good he was that day and that you are so proud that he behaved so well, ect…

Don’t react or give in when she throws a fit. The second she sees that tantrums work for her it’s game on in her mind. There’s a lot of power of staying calm and holding to your rules. It’s tough at first! If your really struggling like I was… reach out to a child therapist or social worker :heart:

Oh girl, I’m going through the same thing at my house, sounds like most of us are, so you are not alone and there’s nothing wrong with us… we’re human and it’s hard!!! I cannot imagine doing this alone as a single mom, so again… sending you hugs and good vibes. I am married to a wonderful man that helps when he is home & does his best to give me (even the tiniest break) but, he works about 60- sometimes 70 hours a week, so he is gone a lot and I have 2 toddlers… 4 yr old girl (she will be 5 later this year) and a 2 yr old boy (turned 2 in April) they are both going through some “phases” right now… that’s what I try to remind myself… bc my own mother keeps remind me that this too shall pass and that these moments although difficult will all be gone too soon and they will be grown and there will be no more cuddles and sweet baby moments like we have now… and there are some days that I long for the growing up and out of this toddler stage!! Lol but my babies are already growing too fast and it’s sad, but happy too bc they are learning so much and growing :slightly_smiling_face: my smaller one watches and repeats everything the older one does… Which is sometimes, well more like 70/30 not good! Grrrr she is going through a phase of testing the waters with a smart mouth and attitude and the kid hardly ever sleeps. I’ve done and tried every single recommendation by friends, family members, pediatrician and even strangers and she just doesn’t require much sleep right now. So, therefore I don’t hardly sleep… like ever! And then I have my baby boy who sleeps very well, but is going through the phase of testing the limits and not listening. They neither one listen very well, at all and someday there are more tears from me than them. I know they are testing the limits and pushing as hard as they can to get a reaction and some days I am so disappointed in myself for the negative reactions I have with them that I could cry. They both throw fits (in their own way) and make any outing to like the store for example a fiasco of getting into them the whole time, smacking slightly little hands to not grab things off of racks or shelves, constantly trying to get the older one to stop running off… and the little one from standing up in the cart. I am literally exhausted all the time, they push and test and tire me, they are little turkeys a lot right now… but when I look at those little faces… I just melt. Sometimes I just wanna scream but I guess I wouldn’t trade this momma thing for anything else. I love these babies more than anything, but girl it is hard! Don’t get down on yourself… if someone in our shoes looks like they have it all together and aren’t struggling, they are full of it! This is normal apparently although hearing that does NOT make it easier! Right! I am trying my best to be consistent and follow through with everything with them both and stay on top of it. I’m also trying to keep some kind of schedule and think of things to keep them busy and also small rewards for good behavior. Some may say I’m bribing them, that’s not my intention at all. But when they have been in trouble for hours and hours and they are really pushing the boundaries, those small tokens of my appreciation for them doing so well seems satisfying to them and encourages them to want to do it more… sometimes I think they have little conversations each morning about who’s gonna make momma lose her shit today… like they take turns :disappointed: haha you got this girl, don’t give up, stay consistent… we’re all here for you and apparently all fighting the same fight daily!!

When u start to yell go in the bathroom and take a break. Think what it would be like if u didn’t have her. And arrange a sitter for some “me” time. Does not make u a bad mother.

I am a single full-time mom as well. Twins… It seems impossible I know. It will pass. Talk to her, give her positive reinforcement. Be consistent and give immediate consequences, not just a threat. Place her in time out, don’t bargain with her. When I went to the grocery store with my twins they were given something they wanted. When they acted out I took them both out of the cart, left and never looked back. They didn’t do it again, because they knew I meant what I said. Also, treat yourself. Even if it’s a candle. You deserve it.

Clear consistent boundaries. Stand your ground. If she throws a tmeper tantrum using her voice, don’t pay attention. If she throws things or hits, immediate action taken such as time out or removal of belongings or privileges. She needs to know that you are the boss and if she doesn’t behave, there will be consequences. And don’t bow down to her in public either, same consequences. I don’t know how many times I had to put my oldest into time out in a store or carry him surfboard style out of a store.

You have to remember that she will not always be with you and you said it! You yelled at her for the slightest thing, you might want to consider that she will go to school and crying is not going to be tolerated! Love her but show her that crying will not let get her way! I had to finally start letting my kid cry! She would cry when homework was to be done and when eating something she didn’t like! She would cry most of the time! Finally had to say that she needs to cry it out then when done I could help her do her homework or she can eat this and then have some cereal!

good ole fashion hickory tea

My daughter in-law asked everyone to be consistent in telling my Granddaughter to use her words when she would scream or cry. It really made a huge difference for all of us because I think we all realized that she used the word “no” a lot because she didn’t know how to say other words. A couple months and most of the frustration was gone because all the adults learned to give her time and listen to her words. Huge difference

Our pediatrician gave us phenomenal advice: first go through the checklist of legitimate physical needs she may have that are overwhelming her that she does not have the capability to clearly articulate yet. This is why babies cry and toddlers scream. It isn’t a personal attack on you as her parent. Is she tired? Is she hungry? Has she had too much stimulation or not enough? Has she had opportunities during the day to physically exert and exhaust herself? There are foundational needs that affect little ones behaviors just like grown ups. They aren’t absolved from legitmate needs. Sometimes we want them to be becasue it is easier for us.

Second, speak under not over and hold space for her energy. Get down on her level. Sit with her while she cries or tantrums it out. It is her way of expressing frustration and aggravation. Us grownups turn to wine, or food, or work, or whatever gets us through. Littles ones do not have many soothing mechanisms. Just being present is huge to them. This doesn’t mean you habe to give into the tantrums but seeing her as a small version of yourself and remembering you as the adult have power that she doesn’t.

Third, choose your battles wisely. If she wants to wear a pink tutu or a tuxedo or the same outfit three days in a row, let her. Most of what we seem as ridiculous is really our ego and needing not to feel like everyone is judging us as a parent. So, save the battles for the big stuff- bedtimes, safety issues, monitoring media. I promise you, life will be much sweeter if you give her appropriate autonomy and involve her.

Hope this helps!

When they start to throw a tantrum walk away. If they continue put them in their room until it stops. It may take a few tries but it will work, I’ve done this with my children, grandchildren and great grandchildren.

I feel this is my soul. My son is going to be 3 in November and I can’t go anywhere too long because it just gets to be too much. His anger and this throwing phase and destruction when he doesn’t get his way. It’s very discouraging and I have to say it’s been alot on me mentally and the mom guilt is real. I am a single mother as well so balancing it all is alot on top of trying to discipline as well. People don’t get that and when all they really know is you, it’s even harder.

I told all.my children (5) that mommy couldn’t hear them when they whines, threw a fit, etc. Worked most of the time. I had one who would follow me around then throw herself on the floor in front of me@ she is in her 40’s now with 5 of her own. Hang in there momma, it is hard, it does get better.

So probably not the best way of dealing, but if he is throwing a fit, my 21 month old will scream and throw things, we will stay firm, walk out of the public situation, and sit in the car. At home we sit it out and let him calm down. Redirection sometimes works. Blippi on a phone helps, and knowing what he needs in the moment. Is he tired, is he hungry, has he had too much sun that day, does he need some down time, does he need some attention. I choose to believe that at this age he is in need and once that need is met we can move on from the tantrum. Every child is different and each situation is difficult for us moms… Good luck momma!