How do you explain to your kids their grandparents are splitting up?

My parents are getting a divorce. Long story short my mom cheated on my dad. I have really been trying to stay out of the situation, however things have been rough with my mom the past several years. We don’t get a long and she doesn’t follow along with my parenting. My kids absolutely love to go by Nana and Papas house. Although they aren’t together my mom still lives there. Later this month she will be moving out and I’m so worried on how to explain it to our kids. They have no idea that any of this is going on. I don’t talk about it around them or with them. Their ages are 9, 6, and 2. I’m so worried they are going to be hurt or uncomfortable. My dad told me my mom wants to take some of their toys which is fine, but I just think it will be a lot for them right away. They may have a lot of questions and im not sure how to handle this. I’m especially worried that she will talk bad about their papa because thats the kind of person she is. I dont want to keep her from my kids, but im not trying to rush things and confuse them. How should I handle the situation? What would you do?

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How do you explain to your kids their grandparents are splitting up?

Check with your local health resources department. They may have a group that offers free children’s counseling. :heart:

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Just tell them it was time to move separately. Children doesn’t need to know adult situations.

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You explain it to them truthfully and agree appropriately. May be weird and uncomfortable, but they need to know

I’d just say that nana has her own home now and will be visiting her there instead of both of them at papas. No need to go into detail about their personal adult problems. And if things are said then they will come to you with questions and answer them honestly.

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Communication! And truth in kid friendly explanation

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Kids are relentless, they’ll get over it.

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Kids adapt pretty easily, especially when everyone remains calm about things. Be as honest as you can within reason and let them know they will still see their grandparents at their respective homes. They will be ok.

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Tell them that grandma and grandma thought it would be best to go their separate ways. There is no needs what’s so ever to tell children the full detail (the cheating).

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Grandma moved. Period. They adjust real easy

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Tell them the truth. They’re far more intelligent than many give kids credit for. Just tell them the truth about it all. I mean obviously leave out the infidelity but still explain that she did something wrong and now her and grandpa are not able to be together bc of it. It’s that simple. The 9 year old especially will have a good understanding and even the 6 year old. The only one it probably won’t bother or care for it to make sense to is your 2 year old.

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Explain to the children but obviously don’t go into detail about the whos whys keep it simple. How can you mum call your dad when she’s the one at fault for cheating before taking the kids to hers I’d be having a quiet word about not calling their grandfather in front of the kids as its toxic behaviour and kids don’t need to be round this behaviour

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I was 11ish.It wasn’t easy but it was for the best. I didn’t really have a feeling other than abruptness. Just :boom:
XXXOOO to everyone

There all still so young. The 9 year old will probably have questions. But me personally I talk to my babies about everything. There 11 10 and 8. I would sit down n tell them grandma is moving out. If they ask why I would say we’ll she wants to have her own space and do her own stuff. While papa wants his own space as well. I would definitely let ur mom know there will be zero talking bad of papa n vis versa

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I would sit them down and explain that sometimes adults split up and move to separate houses and that’s what’s happening and they will still be seeing both nana and papa jus separately and then have talk with mom and tell her the first time she bad mouths your dad to kids will be last unsupervised visit

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Grandma moved out of grandpas cause they didn’t want the same things anymore. That’s it :woman_shrugging:t3:

Blunt, age-appropriate honesty.
I’d say something along the lines like, “Papa and Nana have decided together not to live with each other anymore—but this doesn’t change how they feel about you or their family.”
Shield them from the adult details or any drama—by the sound of it, that might mean a private, serious talk with your mom if she decides to bash your dad in front of them.
Counseling if any of the kids are really taking it hard.
Best of luck. :blue_heart:

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Tell them grandma moved out. They don’t need the details. They’ll adjust much better than you think.

Honestly I think they will be fine!! At that age they will accept a simple explanation and as long as you present it in a positive way they will follow your lead. Keep it short and to the point. Maybe buy something new for grandma’s house if you want?

When I got a divorce I just explained it as… sometimes adults can’t get along anymore so they go live in separate houses so that they can be happier. I made it a point to mention that now they got to have TWO houses they get to go to and that they were going to get a lot of extra love because everyone will be a lot happier and they will get more one on one time with each of us. I tried to just keep it simple and answer the questions they had as honestly as I could. Kids are a lot smarter than they get credit for. Divorce is unfortunately a part of pretty much everyone’s life now. I’m sure the older kids already sense something going on or have heard talk about it so it may go easier than you think. As for your mom talking bad… have a talk with her and make it clear that doing that is not ok and if she doesn’t act civil then she doesn’t need to see the kids because they don’t need to be in the middle of that mess. I hope everything goes smoothly for you. :purple_heart:

Let her explain it. She put them in this situation.

Communication. Tell your mother that your dad is still their papa and she’s not to talk bad about him. Tell your kids that sometimes things happen and after so many years together, that sometimes people just grow apart. Sometimes they don’t make each other as happy as they used to. Sometimes it’s better for each person to go their separate ways to live their own lives happy.

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She sounds toxic tbh and I wouldn’t want that around my kids

Just say some people fall out of love. They love each other just not in love and that’s ok.

And ask her to talk or not talk about grandpa. Unless the kids bring it up. No big explanations.

Be honest but be age appropriate they don’t need to know grandma is a cheater … but being honest with your kids is important for their own development.

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“Grandma and grandpa have decided not to live together and just be friends “ Stay at Home Moms :fire:

Tell them just leave out y just explain that sometimes people fall out of love and they separate

If you’re pretty sure she’s going to say hurtful things about their papa, you might get ahead of it by telling the kids that both of them are hurting and that Nana especially might lash out because of her feelings.

I might go so far as to admit she hurt Papa’s feelings and is probably most angry with herself and wanting to hurt him because she doesn’t know how else to deal with those feelings… depending on your kids…

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Just simply tell them, Papa and nana won’t be living together anymore. They’ll still get to see them both, and go to each of their homes. And sometimes adults move out of go their separate ways. And they’ll understand when they get older. Honestly, you’re thinking more into it, then your kids will🤷 and simply tell her, that she is not to bad mouth their papa to them or in front of them. Or they won’t be going over there and she’ll have to come see them with you there to supervise. The best and easiest way to keep it non hurtful to them, is to not make a huge deal out of it. And make sure they still get to spend time with both of them.

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I would talk to my parents seperately and demand no bad mouthing around my kids and tell them what you want them to say.

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Of course they’re going to be hurt about it. Their feelings of hurt will be valid. But in my opinion they need to know what’s going on — and better to hear it from you than one of the grandparents (in case one of the grandparents tries to turn the kids against their spouse).

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Let them know nana and papa are going to have their own houses now. They’ll still see both just at different houses

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You need to have a conversation with your mother about what is and isn’t appropriate conversation when it comes to their grandfather.

It’s okay to explain with some detail of what has happened. We had family members split, that my kids saw regularly, and we told them roughly the truth. They’re 6 & 5. “People get married because they love each other. Sometimes, after a long time together, they don’t love each other anymore. It’s okay for feelings to change, so now grandma and grandpa are going to have different houses. They still love you, that will NEVER change, but from now on, you’ll see grandma sometimes, and grandpa sometimes, but they won’t be together anymore.”

Just be sure to emphasize that their broken relationship in no way impacts how much everyone loves them.

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It will feel weird to them. But then they will get use to it. Esp when they realize extra birthday and Christmas gifts. Lol. But just explain to them some people fall out of love with their husband or wife but people always will love their kids and grandkids no matter what. Things will feel a little weird at first but we will get use to it. Let them know your also experiencing what they are as they are your mom and dad splitting up that could also be a big adjustment for you

Tell your mama straight up what you will and will not tolerate if she wants to a part of your children’s lives. Kids are pretty resilient at that age. I’m sure it will be awkward at first but they will adjust sooner than you think. It’s probably all the questions they may ask that might be tough

Kids are smarter than we give them credit for. Yes they may very well be upset over the news and will need a little time to adjust to new changes but ultimately it’s still nan and still pop, just in two houses. Ask your parents not to speak ill of each other with the kids and enforce that boundary…Kids need to know what healthy relationships look like even in difficult circumstances and brewing hatred and being pulled in to adult problems is not healthy.

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Grandma and Grandpa have decided to live in different houses. They both love you and you can visit both of them. The kids don’t need to have details.

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Same way you would explain any separation…… without all the details you so gladly shared with the internet.

:innocent:

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Here’s the thing, they’re young kids. They will be confused. That’s part of growing up. I went through this with my girls. I just told my kids that their grandma & step grandpa didn’t get along well anymore when we were around so they were going to have 2 houses. It took a few times of pointing out they may only see one at a time but they moved on. It wasn’t the end of the world for them. They still see them both. & even have a new step grandpa now. And warn your mom that if she says anything inappropriate in front of the kids then you’ll limit her time around them. And you’ll also want to talk with the kids about how it’s not okay for anyone to speak badly about someone including Nana about papa. And if they do it should never be kept secret. Because your mom sounds like someone that would tell the kids to not tell you she talked :poop:

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Make it exciting for them to go see Grandmas new house. There is ZERO need to go into more detail than grandma moved and papa didn’t. Grown folks business should stay just that. Where’s grandpa— he’s at his house. Grandma lives here now— isn’t this yard/room/house cool? Distract them by giving them something positive to focus on.

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no parent ever has to go into a long explanation, Just say they need to live apart but they still love everyone

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Just tell them they have decided to stay in different houses so now they can visit both places.
Talk to both your parents …tell them you dont want them bad mouthing each other in front of the kids.

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Kids are pretty self centered. They will only care about how it affects them. Tell them grandma is getting a new place so they will have 2 places to visit. Will grandma’s boyfriend be moving in with her? If he’s around, explain it’s just grandma’s friend for now.

Maybe tell the 9 year old grandma & grandpa are getting a divorce because they don’t get along anymore. Most older kids understand divorce because of their friends whose parents are divorced.

Maybe cut back on visits to grandma for a while since she sounds problematic.

Your local library should have some age-appropriate resources to help the kids through. Check with the county, women’s centers, your health insurance, and school counselors to see what counseling would be available for them. Also I hope you are in therapy to help you deal with your mom.

Try to act as unbothered by this as you can, and your kids will follow suit.

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Always be honest my kids are 8 7 and 4 and I’ve always been honest with them

And make it really clear to both of them …to not be talking bad of one another or they will not see the grand kids

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Maybe have all of you sit and discuss the separation together and ask if they have questions and explain what the new arrangements will be.

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Nana is getting her own home. We will go see her and we will go see Papa. If they ask why, just say they decided they each wanted their own home. No drama, no judgement, just facts.

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If you are matter of fact and open and honest about what’s going on they will be too.

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Tell them GMA is getting a new house…but everyone still loves them just the same, just sometimes grown ups stop living together.
Also go ahead and sit HER down and tell her if she trash talks gpa to the kids she won’t be allowed to have alone time.
Her being your mother doesn’t excuse bringing toxicity to your children.

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Just that they are no longer living together… that’s it

Betty McDavitt Penick said it.
They don’t need details. “Grandma and grandpa have decided to live in seperate places. They love you and you’ll still see them both.”
No need to put children in adult business. That said, your 9yr old probably has an idea sothing is up. Kids aren’t stupid.

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I really think that you are overthinking this. Just explain to them, their children. They will just roll with it

Nana and Papa don’t live together anymore! They’re going to be happier living in seperate homes. It’s going to feel different for a while, but we’ll get to go visit Nana’s new home, and make some great memories there, too! Nana and Papa love all of us very much, they just don’t want to live together anymore, and that makes them happier so that’s okay!

(And of course make sure to have a discussion with both parents that you won’t tolerate trash talking about the other to the children. These are adult issues.)

Just be honest. Kids are more understanding than we give them credit for.

You just have to tell them, be honest but not graphic, life is hard and sometimes this kind of thing happens.

You just tell them when they ask, Nana and papa don’t want to live together any more. But they still love you.

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Give it straight. They are kaput over done . It’s no ones fault but their own. They still love the kids no matter. 

I would tell her she is not to talk bad about papa in front of the kids no matter what.

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Kids are a lot more adaptable than adults… you’ll probably have a harder time than them. Definitely overthinking it

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Tell them the truth that they still love them but not each other any more and that they are lucky as they will have two houses to visit,I would also tell Mum to not upset the children by saying anything about the matter if she is tempted as the children love them both and they don’t need to know adults problems :kissing_heart::kissing_heart::kissing_heart:

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Be honest this doesn’t change the love for the kids. tell them grandparents are allowed to have lives to…, Tell your mother firmly and respectfully one bad word about your father then she wont be able to see her grandkids. She has no business hurting them like that. And just leave it that, a two liner that doesnt need to be Brought up again unless she slips up. And don’t stress it the kids will come to you when they have a concern and you’ll handle it the best way you feel you should… you’ll know the right answer.

Just tell them the truth

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Just be honest with them and explain what’s happening and what changes will be made. Explain you are always there to help and support them if needed

Set boundaries with your parents. Tell them both the kids love them equally & that’s how it should be. If there’s any bad mouthing of the other they will only get supervised visits from that moment on. Tell the kids that gma & gpa have grown apart. Their love for them has not changed. They just won’t be living together any more. Remember kids don’t understand adult relationships. They just understand who is there for them.

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Let your mom know right off not to bad mouth their grandpa. Kids are resilient. It will be all about how you present the change to them. Let them know it’s a healthier, happy situation for their grandparents and it will give them more than one house to visit. Be happy about it because it is best for your parents.

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Kids are smarter than we think .
I will have a conversation with your parents about it , you do not have to give them all the details about the separation , but a simple explanation about it , but you all should tell them the same so they do not get confuse , if your mom can’t respect that , then she should not be around them

Talk with your little ones and let them know that their grandparents won’t be living together anymore because they have decided that they would be happier living apart. I would have a talk with your parents and let them know that they are divorcing each other but their children and grandchildren are not to be put in the middle.

Maybe transition to visits away from the house for a while when they first find out and then slowly introduce them to her new house

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I’m just so very sorry . If they need help handling , there are books and therapists out there to assist . Divorce is so hard on the kids . I read to mine all the kids books , workbooka etc I could get my hands on when they were little and their dad and I divorced. I also put them in therapy

Grandma and grandad are going to live in different houses because they have driven each other nuts!!! Don’t worry. It’s ok. You’ll still see them both. But grandad might stop shaving for a little bit!!! Job done. Things will get better. :boom::boom::boom::heart::heart::heart:

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Just tell them the truth, That Grandma & Granddad will not be together anymore, But they still love you very Much, But you will see them in there homes, from now on and if they asked why, just say they decided to live in didn’t like living together anymore, and again they might say Why which I expect they will, Most children do asked Why, You just say well sometime things happen this way, than leave it, Ask your Mother not talk about your Dad in front of them, and if she does do it, Tell her if you upset the Kids, We will not come round anymore, “Sometimes you got to be crawl to be Kind”, least you have warn her, What happen to between her and her Husband happen the end. OK.

Speaking as a child of divorce. Tell your mom if you ever hear of her bad mouthing your dad that will be the last visit for a while. Same for your dad. Children do not need to be involved at all in adult issues. They shouldn’t have to worry about keeping secrets from either grandparent.

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Just leave your mom to get on with her remaining life that she has left, your children will be adults one day .they will still get to see both grandparents.