My husband and I have a one year old baby and have been together for 4 years but I often don’t feel as though we’re really in a relationship anymore. I absolutely love him to death and want more than anything for us to grow old together but I feel every time I express my issues with our relationship (his anger issues, no ambitions, us barely having a sex life) they’re ignored or improve over a week then back to usual. I feel so horrible admitting this too but I often have thought about what it would be like to be with someone else and how things might be different. Idk what to do
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How do you know it's time to walk away from a relationship?
Usually if you even have to ask yourself that question it’s done.
When you stop and realize that your child deserves better, then you might leave… its not about your relationship anymore, its about whats best for your child… start asking if this is the life you want your child to live…
It’s a sad situation. Because, that person has no interest anymore .
Sounds like boredom not lack of love… he’s not getting all the attention anymore… try to spice things up again.
See if he’s willing to go to therapy, by himself and as a couple. Anger, no ambition and lack of sex can be depression.
When you’re on here asking us I think you know it’s time to go…
U sound bored try to spice things up or walk away
Marriages go through stages. It’s not always going to be good. In the hard time you have to chose to continue to love your spouse. Good times will come again. Just hang in there
Try counseling before throwing it all away. It might help the both of you to go separately, and then together as a couple.
If your asking this question
A monthly date night with your hubby…just you and him… get a sitter… works wonders.
Does he work? Does he provide for yall? If so then my next thought would be he needs to get his testosterone checked. Bc no sex drive puts a wedge in a relationship. It took my husband 14 yrs to get the shots now our relationship is doing wonderful. If you love him and truly in love with him yall can make it work.
You’ve already mentally checked out, if he’s not putting in the effort to try there’s no use. Just a heads up though if you plan to call it off it’s better to do it sooner then later bc when you wait it tends to get worse. Good luck hun
Love isn’t enough
You need to want the same things and working together very hard to help make it work.
I suggest counseling, especially with anger issues, you’ll never feel safe enough to address these issues alone.
Usually when you start asking yourself “how do I know when it is time to leave my relationship”.
You do know men go through ￼ postpartum just like women do, before you had your son was he getting the attention your son now gets all the time? If yes then he could be going through postpartum depression and having a hard time realizing the attention is not all about him anymore yes being a parent is hard men also don’t know how to express their feelings most the time so they seem disinterested. Talk to him ask him about his feelings and yes postpartum can last for sometime. Put yourself in his shoes if you went from the attention being from all about you and your relationship and now having to share that attention how would you feel! Doesn’t sound like he doesn’t love you sounds like he’s dealing with things he doesn’t know how to talk about
Sounds like he might need some unconditional love and support. Something is going on with him and it doesn’t have to be about you. So, rather than making it about you try to help him. You’ll need him heathy mentally if y’all are together or not bc of the child.
Been there dealt with it and have been married for 20yrs to the same man. You’re going to go through these spells on an off through out your marriage. An for some it’s not big it’s very small. It’s normal. What we did was we went to therapy together and that really helped us out. But you can also use someone you trust who isn’t biased or knows what’s going on with you to be a conversation mediator. But honestly therapy is so helpful in so many ways. I’d make an appointment an ask him to join you.
Did he want to become a dad or did you push it on him?
He needs to work on his p0rn addiction so your relationship can heal.
Speaking on the experience, at least for me. The first year with a baby tests the relationship. Postpartum is not just women who suffer, men suffer as well. The spark goes away. You are both miserable and tired. You have to find yourselves and each other again. There is a reason why you fell for each other. Of course there’s those moments where you sit back and think how differently things could be if you left him. But, I don’t know your whole story. Anger usually stems off of something so maybe try and see if he will seek some counseling. Just trying to give a different insight other than just leaving him and walking away.
If that’s how you feel then you absolutely do not love this man at least not in the way you should if you’re a couple. And I would say that that is your cue walk.
A person doesn’t really change, we just overlook things when we first get together. You have to look at this relationship through your child’s eyes now. Do you want your child to live this life? Is it enough of a problem, that you cannot overlook anymore?
First port of call for me would be counselling.
If he’s not open to it, or there’s no improvement after an agreed amount of time, then it’s time to walk. Life’s too short to stay unhappy.
Just remember the grass is greenest where you water it.
One thing people always told me was, “when you know, you’ll know.” I never understood this. I thought I was ready to leave multiple times. About 3-4 weeks ago, I just knew. I finally up & left. It’s easier said than done, but you have to be ready. Something in you will tell you when it’s time.
Long before you catch syphilis.
I’m not a psychologist by any means. But is he depressed? Some of the things you’re describing kinda sound like he might be. It doesn’t hurt to go get checked out and if that is what it is or if there are other psychological conditions present. A psychologist can definitely help.
If he can’t communicate then you need to move on. I believe communication makes or breaks a relationship. If you don’t have it. It will never work.
Talk to him again and see what’s up with him and maybe a bit of counciling and that doesn’t work it’s might be time to move on
If you’re asking the question, you already know the answer.
Just give him some time. He’s been yours alone for 3 years. Now he has to share his time with someone new for the rest of your lives. Besides I always think the first 7 years are the hardest. Good Luck and just keep telling him you still have the same love for him
Maybe it’s time to talk to him about getting therapy. You said you love him. Maybe you need to work out a way to communicate your needs and feelings to each other. What happens in a lot of relationships is that everything goes pretty good when things are still new. New place, sorting out getting that home together, getting into a routine with jobs, then a new baby and that excitement. Now you have slowly fallen into a rut of work, bills, housework, taking care of the baby, yard work, if any, keeping a car on the road… and you just get tired… and bored with the same thing day after day. A kind of depression sets in because you have stopped setting up things for yourselves to look forward to. Maybe money is tight and you don’t feel like you can afford to get a babysitter and go out. Maybe that is the case. But what would stop you from picking up some frozen pizzas, or just some snacks, and inviting friends over to play cards? That wouldn’t cost a lot and it would break up the routine. The baby could play around the house as usual till bedtime. Then you could play cards till you were ready to say good night. Your friends could even bring their kids. You could plant them in front of the TV with kid movies playing and feed them pizza and flavored water. Have pillows and blankets on the floor. Let them sleep where they drop and have a good time. You’d be surprised how much breaking the routine can help. Make the card playing thing a regular thing. It won’t become just another boring part of the routine because you can rotate who hosts the card game. There are lots of fun card games. Euchre, Spades or Hearts-same game basically. Rummy or Gin Rummy. You can buy Uno Cards or Skip-Bo cards. There’s Rook. And a lot of others. There’s even a couple of Monopoly card games. If you get tired of cards, Farkle is fun and Yahtzee is too. There’s nothing wrong with board games either. Use your imagination. Break that routine!
When you have to ask…
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Life is too short to not be happy …
If you’re questioning it then it’s time.
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better or worse sickness or in heath man. People really need to take it seriously. You don’t get married if you’re not ready to have bad times. (Excluding abuse). You’re husband might be depressed. Usually when we’re not getting what we want out of a relationship we look for it in others and blame the other person without thinking about what the person might be going though. If anything try and help him and pay attention to how he behaves. Or take a look at what’s causing these emotions in yourself. Throwing away a commitment to feed your own needs is really not the best thing to do man. In my opinion.
It sounds more like he is dealing with a mental health
These days, people change marriages like they change their underwear. They quit when its spark is gone and leave trying to find that spark again. Love is not all “hearts and flowers”. Love is hard. And sometimes, love is just the sheer commitment that you said vows to that person. Love is staying next to your person when they are at their worst and trying to find a solution. Love is trying your hardest to figure out how to make it through the difficult times to be able to get back to the sparks and hearts and flowers. So, unless there is abuse, I advise to stay. You chose him for a reason.
I’m in the same situation instead of running away I chose to I chose to get to the root of the problem. For us he is expending himself so much at work that there’s just nothing left for us at the end of the day. It wasn’t that he was cheating it wasn’t that he wasn’t happy it was just that he was working so hard to provide for us that he was exhausted.
When you have to ask a bunch of strangers on FB, that’s when…
just because someone’s asking for advice does not automatically say it’s time to move on
when your married you usually try everything you can before giving up- you loved them you married them through everything -in the hard times you need to figure out what’s wrong sometimes venting to a support group or asking advice from those with actual experiences with the same situations really do help and can save it.
i like the person that said to sit sit down and have a conversation about what’s going on with him - if he wasn’t that way when you married him - you gotta communicate and find out what’s changed to make him change - what’s going on in his life that’s causing him to back off of sex and to be angry toward your feelings? if he won’t open up to ya about it - ask him if he’ll do any type of couples therapy - lay it out on the line and say i love you and for the sake of our marriage and child here’s our choices either you open up to me and tell me what’s going on and we fix all of this or we fix it through therapy or i’m afraid this marriage is over- i don’t want it to be over and i believe in you that you can calmly tell me what’s going on so we can fix our marriage and stay together forever like we promised when we got married.
That’s how I would handle it.
When you feel relief when that person leaves, that’s a good sign
Try counseling before you bail
Leave - quit wasting time. As my Dad used to say, this isn’t a dress rehearsal for your real life.
I used to deal with much of the same feelings, but I asked myself what I could do differently. I started being more upbeat and positive. If I’d feel upset, I’d try to verbalize it in a way that wouldn’t make him feel attacked. Now we are sooo close. All of our needs are being met. If you love him, don’t give up.
You said you love him. Have you thought about relationship counseling? When your with someone new, everything starts off good and exciting. After a while you say to yourself now want? Loving someone isn’t about when things are all good. It’s hard work as well. It’s about loving the person even at their worst days. I’m not a psychologist either but the way you describe him, anger issues, lack of ambition, lack of sex, sounds like he might be depressed. Men feel too. Also some lady mentioned change the routine. Have a card game night. Do your friends have kids? Let them have fun while you play cards with your friends. Have your man join or find a babysitter to babysit while you two go out at least once a week or every other week. Go to the park, museum or art, a new restaurant. Change your hair, wear a new dress, makeup? Act like this is the first time you met him. Your excited. Tell him you love him. Reassuring him. Men like reassurance. Something tells me he needs therapy asap. You said things are good for a week then back to normal. I’m not a professional but that sounds depression to me. I’d say if you can afford it, definitely seek a professional. Like a couple counseling, so that you can be there for him to listen what he has to say. Good luck with your relationship. I hope it works out, remember it’s your relationship and you have to make the best decision for your family. Protect what’s yours which is your family. Anybody can tell you break up with him because it doesn’t affect them. At the end of the day you have to go through it, not us. Best of luck to you and your family. Hope you make the best decision for you and your family. hugs
Lmaooooo grass is greener, my friend
When ur okay with the thought of them being with someone else and having a great life, is that doesnt bother u then move on.
How you’re feeling is how you know. You should try to have couples counseling and see if that helps. If he has depression issues or if you both have love language issues those things can make the stress of a new baby and the new changes in your relationship seem impossible to navigate. You are allowed to have your own feelings and needs and together you should be working to be happy. If he won’t work on the relationship then you have an answer. Life is too short to settle and relationships are 2 people not one. Good luck.
This issue is very common after a child is added to the mix. You need to continue to court each other and spend time together just the two of you. If he won’t take the initiative , get a babysitter and take him on a date. You need communication and intimacy. This season will pass I promise.
I told my husband for a long time what I needed and wanted from him, but he didn’t get it and it led to arguments. One day it clicked for him and our marriage is much better. He’s your best friend, don’t let him get away.
Anger issues? Red flag. Would he go to counseling?
By asking that question, you’re ready!
If you are in church seek counseling through them. Otherwise, go to counseling with your husband or on your own. Try this before adding more problems to your relationship.
The grass is greener where it is watered.
That being said… it takes two. No one ever said relationships are easy. It takes hard work to grow together and not grow apart… Have you tried marriage(and or individual) counseling? No ambitions usually translates to some kind of depression or other mental health issues. If you have tried to resolve it on your own and have not been successful, maybe it’s time to bring in a professional, non-biased third-party.
Has he been to a doctor? Maybe you both need some counseling. He may be depressed and you sound overwhelmed. Make these appointments asap. In the meantime show in little ways you love him. Make Lunches. Give each other back rubs. Wash dishes together. God bless.
Kids change things. Your sex life will change and so will your relationship. For better or worse. The early years are hard. But it gets better. Try counseling. It may help. You both have to want to make an effort to make things better or resentment will build on either side. I have been married 17 years and we have been through extremely difficult times in life. Things that would make others walk away. But we made it. We didn’t give up. But honestly after you try everything and it isn’t right. You are better to walk away. You are still young enough to start over if need be.
depression high blood pressure and diabetes will affect a mans libido. If he has any of that then its not his fault at all. My husband has it all if I looked at our marriage as to do with sex I would be in trouble its been years for us.
The grass isn’t greener on the other side. Just because you’re fantasizing about being with someone else doesn’t mean that fantasy person exists. Counseling would be my first suggestion. And figuring out what’s going on with him. Maybe he’s depressed? Things don’t get fixed because of one conversation these things need work and a compromise. You both have to work at it every day. All this means is the honey moon faze has wore off. Now it’s time to work together with your wants and needs and compromise.
It’s never greener on the other side .
Be on your own for 2 years than
If you two don’t work out than it’s up to you
You did make vowes
It’s easy to say the vowes
Than it is to keep the vowes
On both side
Marriage is like a rollercoaster
I think when you start realizing that you deserve better is when you know it’s over. I don’t understand the people saying “the grass isn’t greener on the other side” Um yea it is. Especially when you’re unhappy in a relationship/marriage. I was unhappy and I left and it’s not only greener it’s rainbows and puppies and bliss.
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You are in a hard season. Parenting can be exhausting and not allow time to work on your relationship with your husband. Seek counseling, date your spouse, fantasize and him and what could be. If you love him and there is no abuse, exhaust all options before splitting up. You have a child together, this man will be forever in your life.
When you have to ask
If you can see him with another woman and sharing custody. If you can see your child with a step mom and a step dad well then move on.
A couple that prays together stays together, it’s easy to split up but if you truly love this person you will see thru the bad times to enjoy the good times , seek counseling if have to , praying works wonders . I see and hear of young couples all the time splitting up or getting a divorce you don’t hardly ever hear of them staying together or how happy they are , it takes a lot of work to stay together there is no fairy tale marriage and when you add children then you come to realization and second quess things , you can only do your best and whats best for your children .
I would leave with the baby
If things are this way in just 4 yrs it’ll only get worse
Find someone you deserve
Trust me. I know from experience
See a counselor or engage in a big time honest conversation with each other! A pronouncement of wanting a divorce is not a good idea, nor is a ultimatum. A heartfelt conversation explaining what each of you need from each other is necessary. If one or both of you think you cannot or will not live up to those requests then that is the time you may both understand you are better apart.
He sounds depressed. He needs counseling and marriage counseling would help too.
If you have to ask, you already know the answer
Have you tried couples therapy? Is he depressed x
Well mine is way worse than that and I’m still trying. Lol. Guess it depends on who you are.
I hear the hardest time on a marriage is after a baby and after the kids move out… hang in there! It may get better over time.
Invest in therapy either together or at least for yourself. Sometimes it’s covered, especially after baby.
All relationships have their issues and they are all different so moving on, may fix these problems but you will likely have new ones… and the same ones while co parenting.
if your asking it’s time to go!
What ever you decide on,i hope it’s the right choice.good luck.
Consider counseling/therapy together and separately before you decide to walk away
See if he’s willing to do counseling but remember, you can love someone without being in love with them.
If you have to ask, and you are already thinking of the possible someone else, then it’s time to go. Hope you have your own income, enough in the bank to qualify for your own place and the furniture to fill that new place…reality is rough!!
Does he have bipolar disorder? And I’d suggest marriage counseling. Or just have him go to counseling by himself. Sometimes, it helps to talk to someone when their s/o isn’t around.
You already know the answer.
If you aren’t happy do something to fix it. If having sex is the source of your joy, you might consider counseling. Seems like your sources of joy are dependant on external factors which may indicate you have issues you need to deal with before you leave your marriage. Otherwise you will deal with this again and again.
Leave him, let him know what it’s like to be without you
Dump him before you get another kid.
Look up narcissist. Sounds like that kind of relationship. It’s something u can’t truly understand about a relationship until u research it.
How do you know when it’s time to walk away? “My husband and I….” You are married, it’s never time to walk away.
Life is full of hard! Being married is hard, divorce is hard, choose your hard
Oh, I wish that we had sought out God when things were like what she describes!
not every relationship is perfect, Relationships are hard work & both sides given their all, If one isn’t, then there really is no relationship, One can decide if this is how they want everything to be or change, if the other person really doesn’t change, things will always be just the way they are now, One really has to choose, is this what they really want in life
If your having problems with your man you don’t go get another man.smh, you keep trying to work it out.
Sometimes significant others get jealous over the time you spend with your baby. I know, right! They feel that you share give all attention to them. Good luck
Time to split for a while and see how that goes! You BOTH need to be happy , before making another baby with him . I learned the hard way that the grass isn’t always greener on the other side. I divorced my husband and I ended up remarrying him years later.
You already know what to do you just want to confirm it. Don’t waste anymore of your life on him. Go and be happy.
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Marriage counseling and remember it takes both of you to put in effort. If he doesn’t want to then you have your answer.
Every relationship has highs and lows and marriages can hit ruts. It’s not always sunshine and rainbows sharing a life with someone… a lot of hard work and effort! I hope it all works out in the end