No Rude comments please just Advice
Me and my hubby were on the verge of divorce not long ago. Long story short he did me wrong multiple times and I took him back several. I took him back about a month ago but I don’t fully trust him yet bc of past incidents. I love him and want to be with him, we have a son together, but lately I’ve been catching myself accusing him of doing things and it’s starting to mess our marriage up again. I know i need to stop and learn to trust him, but my mind mentally is messed up from everything and I can’t shake it.
Do y’all feel like he should be supportive and understanding when I accuse him, or does he have a right to be aggravated at me? No rude comments please just Advice on what to do
No Rude comments please just Advice
Go get some therapeutic help momma. And it’s gonna take some time to work things out.
If you can’t trust because of his mistakes you probably never will…
Personally, if my husband did something drastic enough for me to considering filing for divorce, I wouldn’t take him back. Period. You took him back. You knew what he did and you still took him back. If you cant trust him anymore you need to move on. Marriages cant work without trust.
He should completely one hundred percent understand why you’re lashing out.
I believe in trying and doing the work until the work is done…You are not the welcome home mat, you matter…You want something, you need to fix…Sometimes, counseling or therapy can give you some tools…Talking to family and friends is useful at times, but the real positives can be better to have outside help…
This situation sounds way too much like mine. It’s been 6 months since we decided to stay together. I still get upset once in awhile and he isn’t as understanding as I would like, however it was choice I made to work it out. You have to put it all behind you if you’re wanting to make it work. You won’t be able to be happy if you keep holding on. If he hurts you again then at least you gave it your all.
He should be understanding of your trust issues
And i think yall should try couples counseling
I think its a man thing…i catch my man looking at other women havent caught him cheating but i see what he likes looking at and i make jokes or humor out of it but also so he knws i knw…he gets upset with me and its caused issues…i stopped making comments or jokes and left it alone…but in your situation you have lost trust and its natural to question and wonder if your still being done wrong esp if it took high investigating to find out before…so i think persoanlly he should understand your pain and lack of trust…and work towards gaining it back…not upset that your responding as any women hurt multiple times…i think maybe finding a therapist or a meditator to kinda get to the bottom if the issue and find the best route for you both to work on it and try and move forward. Trust is important…and if you really want to get it back and he wants your trust he will be willing to take the steps…but that being said him taking steps to earn trust doesnt mean he needs intergation any and every time he isnt with you or looks at his phone…its hard i know but take that leap…again…but be prepared dont let the lack of trust come between your love or respect for each other.
I was there before. But wasn’t married…i would doubt alot, and in the end everything he had done just lead me to have such big self insecurities and a low self esteem along with terrible anxiety and overthinking With panick attacks. Even though he had “changed” it seemed like i just wasn’t mentally there anymore and it didn’t work out for me after 5 years. I’d try to be in a situation where your mind is healthy and stable. After all, your son needs a healthy version of you to care for him.
He has to allow you to have this insecurity. No secrets, no lies ect. and anytime you want to check his phone do it! If he is truly sorry he will do anything to reassure you. Nothing worse that thinking that you’ll be made a fool of again. However, I do believe in 2nd chances.
He has no right to be aggravated. Of course it will take you time to recover
YOU have to heal!! It takes time! Just bc you forgave him, doesn’t mean he earned your trust back. HE has to EARN your trust back! It can take years before you start healing, and things can easily bring those feelings of pain and hurt back, like having a bad dream about it. It’s okay! You’re not going to heal over night. BUT he has to be committed just as much as you are, if he is not 100% into proving he has changed and helping you heal and earning your trust back, then it’s only going to happen again. Once a cheater always a cheater is pure bullshit! Don’t believe that! If y’all can overcome this, y’all can over come anything together! But you both have to know that you are a TEAM!! Work together and heal together. Hope things work out, stay strong, remember no one is in your relationship, they’re looking from the outside in.
So if you were willing to take him back time after time means you do trust him slightly so you can get that back but if you keep accusing him time after time and hes not cheating he will eventually get tired of hearing you accuse him and cheat again. I just wanna say none of this is your fault and I actually salute you for taking him back as I couldnt nor ever would if I was in your situation regardless of kids and love he clearly wasnt thinking about that when he did what he did. Counselling could work but I truly believe this is because you probably are not feeling to confident with your self low self esteem is a big factor of paranoia. You are good enough and you are beautiful in your unique way. you will beat this
Your relationship will never be the same again. Unfortunately even if you forgive you can never really forget. You might love him and you might want to be with him but those thoughts will be with you if not forever, for a very long time. He doesn’t have a right to be mad because if he didn’t want to deal with this then he shouldn’t have stepped out in the first place. It’s normal to feel this way after a betrayal. You need counseling.
If you feel like you can’t move past it then you guys need to separate. And that’s ok too. It’s not your fault. You didn’t step out. You tried and sometimes some things just aren’t repairable.
I honestly know exactly how you feel. 2 years ago i found put my soon to be ex husband had an affair with another girl and they had a baby girl. I forgave him. Worked with them on him seeing the baby. This past march i found out they never stopped seeing each other and he was expecting a boy. Needless to say he should be the one making things better. Making you trust and believe he wont do it again. I loved my ex and he was my best friend. To this day i could never trust him again. Good luck. I truly hope the best for yall.
He needs to be understanding and you both need to be patient with each other. Also you should pay attention to his actions and accordingly.
If u can’t let it go you need to leave him. It’s that simple, you will destroy yourself if you stay in this relationship and can’t let go of it all. It’s also not good for your child to be around this (understandable) lack of trust and lashing out. I always try and say to myself is this how I would want my child to be treated by someone they love? What advice would I give them if they came to me with the same problem? It’s kind of helpful for me to look at it this way.
It’s not worth your anxiety if trust is gone there is no marriage. If he cant understand there is no trust. It’s just not worth beating yourself up over. Maybe be friends for now and who knows later he might change and so will you.
I think you two would really benefit from couples counseling. It would help both of you understand how the other person is feeling and why you both do these things
I was there too. It took time honestly.
COUNSELING couples and most importantly individual for yourself. While you absolutely have the right to have trust issues you dont have the right to verbally assault him with them. Not if they are unfounded and you want to keep your marriage. Continuous accusations will do nothing but push him to do the very thing your accusing of. It doesn’t make the action right but Unfortunately the constant accusations will mentally wear on him and He’ll either resent you, leave or take the mentality of well if I’m going to be accused anyway I might as well go ahead and do it. If you really want to make it work counseling, prayer and lots of mental stress breaks for both of you individually and together.
Mayb yous should thy marriage counseling you have to work thru these issues together get help and good luck
Why should you trust him when he’s shown you he can’t be trusted, if I understand correctly, multiple times. No, the burden falls on him now. He has to be understanding and patient for as long as it takes. You spent years? putting your faith and trust in him only for him to break that trust over and over again. And even then you still accepted him back. This is on him.
You decided to forgive him and work on your relationship. You have to let it go, or let him go. Pick one.
Honey I been married 10 yrs and my hubby has barely come around to realizing what he had put me through, he’s I’ve known couples get passed it sooner but counseling is what is needed and maybe you need to sit down and really have a heart to heart and let him know what your dealing with
Seek a counselor. It truly helps.
Advice on what to do…know your worth and get that divorce. You will never fully trust him again. He doesnt deserve your trust. There is like a 99% chance he will cheat on you again.
Once a cheater always a cheater
You need to fully sit down with him & tell him fully everything why you feel that way. Also since it sounds like you want to move past from the hurt i woukd recommend reading Living & Loving after Betrayal by steven stonsy. I’m going thru a lot with my marriage as well. Yes, a lot of people will be negative & why take hime back but thats not their place to say its your life, your choices. Open communication is key from both parties even if it hurts. Explain everything & take it 1 day at a time. If you both truly love each other you both willing to go thru the pain j frustration than its worth it. You can add me & message me of you want. ( just say i gave you advice so i know) but I’ve been thru hell & back in my marriage & right now we are pretty strong even going thru major problems getting over the past.
Constantly nagging him will not help your marriage in any way. However he should be completely open and understanding. If he is not then he is not being a very good husband again. So it sounds like you two may be at an impassible crossroads. If it has been like a year or two and you still are accusing him then i can see him being frustrated but he should be understanding. Have you tried counseling? If he won’t go, then just end it. If he’s not willing to do that then he doesn’t care enough to save the marriage
My mom has held a grudge against my dad for 24 years, but continues to stay with him. Either you choose to forgive him, grow stronger together and move on; or you force everyone in your house to live with your unforgiveness and mistrust until you die. The latter is not worth it. Believe me.
Been there it takes time your still hurting I found I couldn’t start forgiving until I knew the truth the whole truth it took a year to be able to hear it without it turning into an argument. It’s not an easy process. I choose to stay and work thru it that was 12 years ago. Still together and very very happy. Tell him how your feeling let him know your still hurt and angry.
Okay first off is he actually sorry? Or are you just being his doormat? If he messed up and really wants you back he needs to realize that his mistakes are what led you to feel this way. He needs to be patient, transparent and understanding. You guys should go to therapy to work on communication. Good luck to you.
I have never been married but if I did what I want is to be honest with her not be afraid to say come meet my friend sit down and put things on the table
Make sure you get council and also if you are not atheists try going to church, regular. If you take him back you have to truly forgive him. Can you? Can you see his sincerity? Don’t be made the wrong one either for being cautious. That’s his fault . It’s going to take awhile, . He must be able to work hard on proving his regret and you have to forgive completely if you take him back. If you can’t then move forward.
you took him back so trust him till he proves you wrong and then leave
If your with him and want it to work you have to let it go and stop. If your not over it then you need to leave. The past being brought up is not healthy and the relationship will not work.
Sounds like u need to go to therapy and talk things out for urself and u can bring him along to some sessions. But it’s going to be you that has to work on trusting him. It’s hard because he destroyed it but u still wanna be with him so u need to accept it. Either u trust him and 100% or just leave him because in the end it’s just gonna drive u crazy thinking he’s being unfaithful and u honestly don’t need that.
Been there few affairs n trust is hard to get back just keep trying ! I still have many days of what if’s!!!
I totally understand where your coming from it’s so hard to trust again after it’s been broken however when you decided to take him back you cant like keep throwing it in his face especially if he is making a effort for change
Nope. Trust is earned. If he wants your trust he needs to give u full access to his devices for a period of time. It takes time to trust again and its normal to question. If he’s offended by that he doesn’t feel bad.
Are you saying he cheated on you more than once? And you took him back?
You’ve given him permission to cheat because you take him back. Theres no penalty for it!
Dont let ANY man treat you like that. He doesn’t love you if he cheats on you. That’s a fact you have to learn to live with. Kick his ass out and find you someone that knows what love is. You’ll find someone and kick your ass for ever doubting your worth. Been there. You cant love a man who continually messes up. You just think you do. Good luck.
I believe that you making the choice to stay with him was you making a choice to leave the past in the past. If he truly regrets it and wont do it again then you shouldn’t accuse him. But he should also be understanding of the fact that he made mistakes that led to the situation so he shouldn’t be mad about you being upset.
fuck him off he’s no good for you
Dump him he ain’t gonna change.
Trust is everything. If there’s no trust then you’ll never be able to move on. Trust your instincts
It sounds like he has a lot of work to do before he can EARN your trust back. You cannot just wake up and say I trust you. That’s like having a dog attack you and trusting it to never do it again without training. I suggest that you go to couples counseling if you want a good shot of making it work
you say no rude comments but wake the f**K up he cheated and once a cheater always a cheater!! he’s never going to be faithful to you and you’re stupid for allowing him to do it because you go back to him… grow a back bone and leave for good if not for your sake but your little boys sake
I would suggest some couples therapy so that you can both take to a non judgmental third party who can help you both work through your issues in a healthy way.
He has a right to be aggravated if he isn’t doing the thungs you’re accusing him of. It takes time to build trust back. I would highly recommend couple’s therapy if you truly want to move past what has happened.
If ya don’t trust him why did ya go back and don’t say because of the kid no kid deserves parents who fight all of the time get real please
Sounds like nothing was resolved about why it happened to begin with! There are reasons they do it, this needs to be addressed and answers provided! If not it’ll keep on happening until they find what they are really looking for! You have a problem!!!
Sorry but it sounds like you need to follow thru with said divorce & move on with life. Sometimes love is not enough, & you are teaching your son a horrible life lesson by staying.
There is nothing wrong with you not trusting him…you don’t need to “learn” to trust him again because that is just settling…if he has done you wrong several times already he will continue because every time you take him back it makes him think it’s ok to continue doing what he is doing
Kick the ahole to the Curb!!
If he’s willing to be 100% open and accountable until you feel at peace, if you’re willing and able to forgive him and not hold it over him after you’ve worked through it and if you both agree to move forward with total honesty and change- you might have a chance. If it’s anything less than this, nothing is going to change. (PS- the hardest part about recovering from anything that involves broken trust and dishonesty is you’ll never know if they’re truly being honest ever again…)
I am a counselor and I say 6 sessions of couples therapy at minimum
It’s only been a month, I wouldn’t be so hard on yourself for it not happening over night and he needs to realize that too. It needs to be attained and it needs to happen in it’s own time, it’s trust were talking about after all, not some random nonsense. The respect towards yourself needs to be put on the forefront.