When did you know it was time for a divorce? Me and my husband been together for 21 years and married 11 with two kids, 5 and 7. We literally just argue if we in the same room. For the last year, it has been no friendship, no affection, no dates, etc… We don’t even watch tv together. I’m so overwhelmed from doing all the cooking, cleaning, kid activities, etc… On top of working full-time, homeschooling kids (due to pandemic), running operations for his two businesses, plus I run my own tax business. I’m just over it. But I feel bad for wanting to leave because I don’t want to crash my husband’s business. I constantly ask him to help when he’s around, but he doesn’t. He won’t even pick up his clothes. Recently I found out he text a few chicks, “Happy Valentine Day,” he claimed as he was just friendly. We never had infidelity issues, but now it’s become disrespectful with the name-calling between both of us. Plus, my husband has jumped out of town twice in the last couple of months while I’m home with the kids. He did invite me, but both times were last minute, and I can’t just drop off kids for five days. When do you know it’s time to let it go?
My therapist told me that it is time to get a divorce when the thought of staying together is worse than the idea of getting divorced. That is what helped me leave for good. Good luck!
When you have had enough you’ll know
you already know your answer. if youre going to be a single parent, be a single parent. much harder to do when youre carrying around 200+ pounds of dead weight, cant go anywhere…
I think you need to sit him down and talk to him. He may not even know how you feel. Communication is key - how you are feeling and why would be a good starting point.
Your kids are watching. You two are modeling what a relationship looks like. You must never forget that.
Have you two considered counseling? Have you asked him if he wants to remain on this marriage? I don’t the respect needed for a healthy relationship.
You should try to have a trip with just you and husband.
Try to reconnect.
If it doesn’t work, you know it’s time for divorce.
People change, but the pandemic has caused many issues for many couples.
Just make sure it’s what you both want.
It’s PAST time to leave. You are already doing everything on your own. No help. All your doing is wasting your time “hoping” he’ll change. He ain’t got no plans to change why should he? He has someone to cook, clean, raise his kids, teach his kids, (btw you are teaching your children it’s ok to disrespect you & disrespect any relationship they may have with anyone), keeping his business running. You are his momma, his maid, his sex toy when he want his magic stick shinned, hell, I’ll leave my husband & marry you if you do all that & not expect anything in return! You are giving your soul away for nothing. Don’t worry about communication, the time for talking is gone. It’s time to show that shellfish jerk what a fool he was for letting you get away.
Sounds like he already has. I would move on and be happy sooner than later. Good luck
It sounds like you already know the answer. Just remember the relationship you model in front of your kids set the bar for the relationships they seek/have with other people. Dont feel guilt when it comes to his business, thats his responsibility,not yours.
If you have to ask this question, maybe it’s time? So sorry
Go to counseling. Single life is no joke either. Counseling will quite literally show if the marriage can be saved. If he won’t go, you know. If he goes but doesn’t put in the work, you know.
If your marriage means anything to you go get counselling . You both need to want this & do what it takes to save yoir marriage.
Also in regards to being over worked . Start delegating work were you can. Hire a cleaner to That takes heaps of pressure off …All.the best
With you asking this question you know your answer. I was together 19 years, married almost 10 when I left with our 2yo daughter. Unlike your husband mine only worked occasionally but never helped around the house, with our kid. I worked cleaned and took care of her when I was home. On top in infidelity and drugs…seeing him be so lazy made me resent him. I’m glad I left when I did.
Leave him it sounds like he has a girl friend I have been there
Sounds like you already know the answer.
Don’t quit on your marriage. I think people these days are quick to quit it when things get hard. Sounds like you need to reconnect & communicate about these issues. Remember why you fell in love in the first place. And always remember your partner isn’t perfect.
Now, but you already know that. Try counseling but other than that, Adios.
I think you either need to sit down with him and have a very real talk about how things need to change if he wants to continue the marriage and maybe even counseling. If he doesn’t want to change or says he will and doesn’t then there is your answer. If you really don’t want to be with him anymore then for you own piece of mind you should end things. So I guess it depends if you want to keep trying to are definitely done.
So sad that relationships turn into this. I just went through this , felt like he was roommate , always felt alone , all house hold chores , full time job mite as well do what makes me happy.
You already know the answer.
Men can not read our minds
Not matter how long they have been around sometimes when I feel unappreciated
I ignore him
And he sits there questioning why I’m upset and I don’t answer sometimes I don’t say what’s wrong because it’s not a big deal
But they can not read our minds like we think they can
Sometimes we need to speak up on what’s hurting us
Maybe you two need a couple nights together or even a date without the baby’s
I mean me and my man haven’t been out on a date or to the store together since covid happen
I think you guys need some time together and if that doesn’t help maybe then maybe time to questioning your marriage
He has checked out. TIME TO GO
Your post is exactly how you know.
When you cant be the best version of yourself for your kids, it’s time to let go. They deserve to get to see you in your best moods, less stress, happy not angry words coming from your mouth.
Read your question again pretending it is your daughter asking and ask yourself if this is what you would want for her .
Yes he is cheating. Face it n leave
Leave! It is overwhelming at first but you’ll realize it’s better to do all that stuff alone and not have to work about whether or not you’re going to get into a fight in top of it. Best thing I ever did was let go
He may not be cheating, but he’s seeking attention from other females that might not just be friendly. I’d say it’s time to end it
You need to respect yourself more… Put your foot down… Stop doing all the housework, let him know you’re hiring help.
Trial separation? Time apart can be good to rekindle a relationship. It may or may not work, figuring out if what he had versus what’s out there and knowing that he had it good, might work for you both. Vice Versa. It worked for myself and my now husband. The grass wasn’t greener on the other side and no longer take each other for granted.
Now would be the time to go!
You know it’s time. You’re holding on for the slight chance something will change. It won’t. We’re all going to tell you what you want to hear. It’s time to walk away…
Serious talk is need and couples counseling. Seems you are in a rut. Its 100% normal. I would jump to divorce until you have had a serious discussion and tried therapy. I am a counselor. Trust and believe I have seen much bigger issues and ot survived and even better
It seems to me life has gotten so busy and hectic that it’s hindered yalls relationship. Relationships require just as much work as any other important, major thing in your life. If your not taking time to work on that it will fail. At the end, it’s up to you and your husband if y’all want to try and fight to better yalls relationship.
I read this to my husband and his reaction was ‘he sounds like a dirtbag’. By him making you even think he might be cheating, you need to have a very frank talk with him. You own 3 businesses between the two of you plus kids equals zero time for nooky. Ask him where his thoughts are on the marriage, tell him how you feel and see where it goes, but make sure you get your ducks in a row financially before throwing the hammer down.
Sounds like you had enough and you need ratification.
Big mistake woman make is worrying about how hes guna feel then their brains go 10miles an hour to the point all they’re thinking about is him how he’s guna cope, is he going be ok bla bla and thats what stops them from leaving, Or he says all the right things he knows you wanna hear and woman fall for it
I was in a similar situation and when I tried to talk to him about it he called me names and accidentally told me he had been cheating since I was pregnant (my son is now 2). If you want to talk first, see how that conversation goes. I am now a single mom and now that I’m free I wish I did it YEARS AGO. I can see the situation so much more clearly and my son even being 2 has been so much better at listening and reacting, bc now he’s not in a toxic and mentally abusing household.
If your asking the question, then you’ve already answered it yourself I’ve been through it myself
I decided when it was harder to stay together than to get a divorce…
Sounds like your describing my relationship. I have a 5 year old as well and I don’t know what to do either. It’s such a hard decision and we as moms and women want to get it right… I just pray about it and hopefully soon I will either leave with my daughter or things will get better. But it is horrible being unhappy all the time. I just try to focus all my attention on my daughter and that brings me joy. My SO is never here and when he is he is always in his workshop like always until he is ready to go to sleep… we have absolutely no communication, no intimacy, h**l no relationship… so we do not even see each other maybe 10 min a day I see his face, so that does make it easier because were not constantly fighting but we are constantly avoiding each other at this point I honestly believe I’m staying because I haven’t worked since almost the beginning of covid and there is no way I could do it alone right at the moment. We have been this way for almost 2 years now… Its just hard to let go I guess. My perfect outcome would be that he put in effort again and make this relationship work, I’m sure your hoping the same… so maybe u could ask him to go to therapy with you or try dating each other again to rekindle your relationship if you don’t think it has gone to far. Best of luck
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Definitely time to start talking separation. That’s isn’t okay, and you don’t want your kids to grow up with a toxic relationship like that as their example.
It’s time. Divorce him
All relationships go.through ups and.downs. 1 year of arguing is not worth giving up 20 years of commitment. Try talking to him when your not mad explaining that you need help because you may be a little overwhelmed with all you have on your plate which is adding to your frustration. Far as jumping up last minute and going out of town by himself definitely let him know you dont agree with it and you would like notice in advance so maybe you can get someone to watch the kids and yall can go together it might help to kindle your relationship if you could. As far as helping you clean up 99 percent of men just dont have it programmed into their brains to.clean after themselves. I can fuss about it with my SO of 26 years and he will do it occasionally especially after I have just cleaned up. Later on he will not realize it and forget again.Also remember men in typical dont clean like women do anyway and when we see clothes laying around they may not notice until there’s a whole pile accumulating. Just think is it really that bad and cant be corrected by conversing or counseling that it’s worth giving up your marriage. If the answer is yes then dont waste anymore time and do what you have to do. But if its something that can be fixed try to fix it and if it fails you can have peace knowing you gave it your all.
Only you know the answer .
Try the Love Dare,
Watch the movie Fireproof
Watch youtube Matt Chandler A Beautiful Design
Yours sounds fixable!
Try therapy. Try writing him a letter. Try.
People give up too easily now a days.
The best decision my mother ever made for me was divorcing my father, I was even younger than your kids and I still have nightmares about their fights (not even a violent or abusive household, they just didn’t like each other at all, and even as a toddler I knew it and it hurt me more than a divorce ever could)
You answered your own question! You already know!
If your already thinking about it, it’s time then. You and the kids will be better off, when the kids see you relaxed and happier and will be aswell
When you ask this question on Facebook
First off - let him know U R done w/his BS. That wl be a wake up call. You were a godsend. STOP
You’ll know when you have had enough. I never though I would end my marriage but I just had enough. You do what you need to do for you and your kids. He’ll be fine dont worry about him.
Sounds like you guys need to sit down and have an open and real conversation. Put them kids to bed, and hash it out. Cry the ugly tears, and put it all out there. Tell him you can’t continue like this. If he doesn’t know how bad it is, TELL HIM. Some men will step up, some won’t. And that’s how you’ll know.
I just woke up one day and knew that was the day to call it. You don’t have to put up with disrespect or deep unhappiness. If you can sit down without the kids and really talk things through and you’re still really unhappy then work together on how you will manage the breakup. Do it before either of you cheat so it’s not messy, and before the stage where you get to hate or resent each other.
Make a choice to change your own words. Choose not to argue and simply walk away. Your love will change him. It has to start with you if you want it to work.
I just walked away from 13 years. When I look at him I feel nothing. Yes there was things that led up to it between us but I’m not happy and no I don’t want counseling. I just want to be happy and in the year we’ve been separated I don’t have any regrets. We have 3 kids.
That’s something you have to decide. If he won’t sit down and have a conversation without name calling and arguing and you aren’t happy you have to do what’s best for you. I walked away from my marriage of 14 years after trying and trying and it was a relief. I know I made the right choice for me and our kid’s
Send to me for 30 days and he’ll be bagging to for forgiveness
Sit him down and talk to him.
He doesn’t read minds . He probably does not have any idea what is wrong.
Tell him you need time to yourself to think and recharge. He is a parent too, and you go away for two weeks and leave him in charge of everything. Give him as much notice as he gives you.
If he calls, you can answer questions but do NOT go home or do things for him. Or tell him to read directions/Google it and figure it out. Or give him a number where you are staying to call and then block his number and only pick up messages when you feel like it. Or let him know you can only answer texts. Answer him whenever you feel like it, or tell him you will be unreachable most of the time. Better still if you’re in a place with poor cell reception. Let him feel how you feel.
Relax the first week and think about what you want to see happen the second week. Make a list of everything that needs to be done that each of you are doing now. Sometimes it takes seeing that his list is so much smaller than yours to get your point across. If you can only manage a week off, make sure you take the full 7 days.
If he dumps kids on someone else, well, that person should do the same for you so you can get the same break. If he leaves everything a mess & orders out every night, you do the same. Only clean your own clothes and linens, make your own food, tell the kids to complain to Daddy about meals, clean up, schoolwork. Pick up his stuff and put it all on his side of the bed. Ask him when he’s going to get to all the dishes or hire someone with his money to do them.
Check into a hotel, stay with a friend, rent a cabin in the woods, go camping, or do a little of everything. Take along a girlfriend and split any costs.
Most hotels are following excellent protocols for COVID safety, and you can sleep and have all the uninterrupted baths you want. Hotel pools and spas are often closed but you could still go out to eat, explore outdoor sights, book a massage, mani-pedi, hair appointments, meals out, as long as the establishments are following protocols. Some gyms will let you have a pass for a day or a week and can schedule times & lanes to swim or take classes with fewer students and social distancing.
If he asks “What am I supposed to do?” Tell him he’s a parent too, he’ll figure it out just like you had to. And that you expect the house to be clean and the dishes and laundry done & put away when you get home.
When you get back, renegotiate the chores and responsibilities: pull out that list you made. Start marriage counseling to learn how to communicate and cooperate better. Pros can get through men’s thick skulls more easily.
And yes. What can you let go, farm out, or delegate to the kids, a babysitter, a neighbor. Can you trade schoolwork supervising all the kids with another mom or dad so you each get a break? Can you hire someone else (employee, contractor) to help with the business? Even tots can help with chores. Have a chore chart with stickers or whatever and have rewards every week (pizza party, pick a movie, flowers, dollar store item, etc.)
You are doing too much and have nothing left to give. I was there too. Marriage counseling and family meetings helped me, plus we learned how to better express ourselves. I learned I had to give him time to think about questions and not put him on the spot. He learned he had to break things down into tiny steps for me to do them & make a habit before I could do the next request.
This has been an exceptionally difficult year, and everyone is extra stressed. Get therapy & maybe antidepressants for yourself too.
If after 6 months to a year things aren’t better, plan your exit carefully with advice from a women’s center and a good lawyer. I used thewomenscenter.com.
If it’s worth fixing , fix it !! Communicate !
I am so sorry to say but he is cheating. Let him know how you feel and make him leave
If you’re asking yourself these questions it’s time to leave. Prepare yourself first though. Protect your finances and possessions. It would be easier if he left.
Open your eyes girl that man is cheating on you and if he isn’t he will be. I would wait till he got home and then be like bye I am going out of town for a week have fun. I don’t play games. I have been married for 18 years.
I’m afraid in this marriage is only one married person - you. He lives a life of a single man, childless and with free secretary, cook, cleaner and personal assistant, who on top of it earns money.
You know in your heart that enough is enough. He is an adult man - he should be responsible for his own businesses and behaviours. Don’t waste anymore years on him, because there might be someone who will appreciate you. Remember that kids will grow up soon and they will start their own lives. But nothing will ever bring back the lost years.
You deserve better! I was with my ex 21 years, married 12 yrs…found out he was having an emotional affair with a girl at work when our kids were 5, 2, and 7 weeks old…I was devastated and questioned leaving him. It was not easy but two years later we are both in happy, loving relationships, are crushing co-parenting, kids are well-adjusted, and I’m SO MUCH happier!!! You can get through this! You deserve someone who is madly in love with you!
So your both stressed out. And it seems your taking it all out on each other. The last year has been rough. Especially so for people that have their own business. Having to homeschool is rough all in itself. Plus everything else. Sounds like you dont need to walk away. Sounds like you need to talk and hash out a plan. Dont throw away your marriage over 1 yr of it being rough.
Sounds like there needs to be some communication. Time keeping the marriage alive and making sure you are still dating each other. No matter how long a couple is together they should never stop dating each other. It’s been a hard time all around the world and so many marriages are falling apart!
Sounds like my life exactly right now. I’m consulting a lawyer next week to find out my options.
When the bad out ways the good and the trust is gone.
She’s not in a marriage, she’s his caretaker. I’d separate first and stop enabling him.
Similar situation, I held out for another 10 years hoping things would change…they didn’t. It doesn’t get any easier
You know it’s time to do something when you are imagining that your life would be better without him. That’d you would be happier abd are unable to think of positive things to say about him or your relationship . After all this time and a pandemic he may be overwhelmed and and not know who fix things either so maybe you try marriage counseling and try to get back on the same page and then after you both try and if nothing changes you would consider divorce. Right now is not a good time for anyone and any bad things seem magnified.
If you’re asking it might be time or make sure you guys have a good talk about everything
It’s been time to leave, neither one of you are happy and the kids are watching. I was glad when my parents divorced when I was 9, we were all miserable.
Prepare first and protect your finances then it’s time…
Counseling first maybe? I’d try everything I could before just divorcing if there isn’t abuse or infidelity.
Take a week vacation just yourself to clear your mind and help you make the decision that you only you know in your heart is the right one. Take time to take care of YOU!
When you feel like you can’t take it anymore.
Honestly, tell him you need a few days out of town without him or the kids. Tell him it is important and you NEED time for you. Take off and leave for a few days. Let him deal with things for a few days. When you come home from your time, talk to him. Explain how you feel. Or even do that before you leave for your you time. It took my mother getting cancer for a second time for me to demand me time, and honestly… I regret waiting until that happened to take a few days without my kids and husband. I got the call at work, left work, got my oil changed, went home and packed, told my husband I was leaving in the morning and then left at 6am the next morning and drove across state by myself for a week. It was also my birthday that week I was gone. I spent time with my mom, slept on an air mattress on the floor of her cabin and just relaxed and spent time with my mom. I don’t regret it at all and honestly I need to do it again soon. Take a break for yourself, you never realize how much of a difference it really makes until you’ve done it.
It’s time. You aren’t crashing his business… he isn’t stepping up and looking after his own business. He will learn or not it will be up to him.
Have a good talk with him. Maybe have him hire someone to take over his business duties, tell him you need help with the household, surprise him with a special outing with out the kids.
Honestly by reading this I can see leaving is where your heart is. It’s just your head that is confused. But also before any hard decision I would sit down and fully talk to him and let him know exactly how you are feeling. Sometimes we forget that we have to continue to fight for a relationship. Like not in a bad way. Like you had to fight to get together fight to get married and you will have to continue fighting for your marriage as long as you want it… now I know what your thinking I’m tired of fighting but what I mean by fighting is by both keeping up communication dating etc. You say y’all both run a business well honestly a marriage is a business agreement y’all both decided to be partners in the marriage so y’all both need to work at it to keep it going
Sounds like you already know it’s time or you wouldn’t be asking this question.
I put my husband and his feelings first around 21 years…he burned me and our 4 kids up…we will soon be homeless, he has 3 other kids we’ve just learned of, he doesn’t do anything , not even checking on the kids. Then served me with divorce papers while his girlfriend laughs and stalks and torments us. Get out, let him go, put you and your kids first
When you know you know. In my opinion he is using using your kindness and taking you for granted. Honestly if he doesn’t want to help HIS businesses that’s on him. I’d stop doing that first. I’d stop doing his laundry his things around the house. Make him start to appreciate ALL it is thst you do.
When you can’t take it no more,life is way too short for BS
Lady you literally named 1 reason to stay and like 10 reasons to leave
I’m honestly tired of hearing from eveyone “you need to sit down and talk to him”. I’ve done this so many times, and things don’t change. Even when I have been in tears telling him I need his help and support bc I can’t continue doing it all and feeling all alone in what’s supposed to be this “partnership of marriage”
It’s no longer a partnership. It’s him being a narcissist selfish asshole man child, and me picking up the pieces time and time again. Did 8 months of marriage counseling and nothing changed, and I still get blamed and insulted for everything and I’m just so over hearing “I need to have a serious talk with him”. I have over and over, throughout the last 2+ years of a 17 year marriage. I’m done trying. If it’s not going to be a reciprocated two way street, then why do I keep trying when the other person isn’t?
Blaze Foley " I’m tired of running round looking for answers that I already know"
I would definitely say now is the time. It’s time for him to grow up and it’s time for you to have peace.
If you have to ask… you know the answer
You may need to arrange for a long weekend away, just the two of you ??
Unfortunately, this is all too common during the COVID pandemic with people feeling sequestered. If you ask a lot of divorce attorneys, lately business has been booming. I once heard arguing is not a bad sign because it means you still care. Being silent could mean the latter. Surprise him, plan for the children to have an overnight in another household, then order out a meal (no one cooks). Then, I would have an all out conversation regarding your concerns and feelings. Allow him to voice his as well. It may not take one session, Either way, you are making a effort to determine whether you should leave or remain.