How do you know when it's time to let go of your husband?

Backstory my husband and I will be together for four years this summer, and he still seems to not know me or understand me. He can’t tell when I’m upset or when what he does upsets me, and if I tell him, it seems to go in one ear, and out the other, I have told him many times I wanted to go on dates with him, and I feel we need to talk more about things and keep learning about each other I even tried the 365 questions to ask book, but he didn’t really answer them I guess my question is and I know it’s up to me in the end, but others opinions will help me see better but should I just give up on him or should I keep trying to get him to understand me better and how

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I think you should try couples counseling. Maybe him hearing it from a 3rd party will help him realize how his behavior is affecting the relationship. If he’s not willing then I’d let him know ,it will be a tough conversation, that you aren’t getting what you need from the relationship and how important it is to you. I think his answers to those those things will guide you on what you need to do next. Good luck Mama

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When hes involved does he make you happy?
What percentage of happy are you in the relationship and percentage of not happy?
You decide what is best for you now and in the future.

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Couple’s therapy sounds like a good idea. He could also be going through things and not want to say. An unbiased outside opinion could help.

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my husband had a stroke, can’t talk another a paralyzed on right side. If you don’t love him enough to wipe his ass when needed then go

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He doesn’t want to…

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Counseling will help.
But if he responds and says he doesn’t see it but will meet you to understand, but you constantly nag then he just might not want to.
Time needs to go by.
You might even gotten hypersensitive and he just tunes out cause he’s over it.
It is exhausting.
But get the counseling. And go from there.
It helps

You’re not compatible. You can love someone yet not be right for each other. It’s a hard thing to accept and nothing will ever make it right.

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Unless he wants to, he’s not going to. You can try and try. He has to want to. Good luck lady! Be happy!

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Try marriage counseling and if that’s not enough file separation until he’s more serious about communication

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So you married a stranger?

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I told my husband multiple times that our marriage was falling apart. I begged him to help me fix it. He never heard me. We’ve been split up for 18 months now. Our divorce was final 6 months ago. I still get “I love you” texts. If he had listened before I decided to walk away we’d still be together. I’m happier now though. Some people say you don’t know what you have until it’s gone. But if it takes me leaving for you to realize what you had, then I don’t need you

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I’d try counseling first, because sorry after 4yrs he would definitely know when your upset, sounds more like he just doesn’t care.

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Some guys are just like that. How did y’all date? Did you really try to get to know each other then? Did you go on dates? What did y’all do? Some guys just aren’t into all that ramantic stuff. What do y’all do together now? Do you simply enjoy each others company? Laugh and talk? I bet he knows you more than you think. Why/how did y’all meet/get together? What did you like about each other then? I could go on and on.

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Sounds like you got married to soon!!
I’ve been with my guy for 26 years…I am still not sure if I like him enough to marry! :joy:
Jk…I luv him!! But it definitely took years to truly know we were meant to be!

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Not to sound like a bitch, but to say you don’t know someone after 4 years of marriage, so did you not take any time to get to know each other BEFORE getting married? And lots of men don’t notice other people’s feelings. Doesn’t mean they don’t care.

If you’re having to ask this question, then it’s time.

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Marriage isn’t easy it takes work, commitment, compromise and dedication. Does he treat you well otherwise? Is he mean, abusive, derogatory towards you? Does he come home every night to you or go out with his buddies does he spend all his money gambling or drinking? Start praying for him and for you to become closer to become a team to work towards each others goals and desires. Some men don’t talk! Look at his actions find his Love Language .

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He’s content I guess. If you’re trying and he isn’t then he’s not interested in anything and happy with whatever it is if he’s not complaining about anything. What about yourself do you want him to know? Does he already just know and just doesn’t care? Does his uninterest mess with every day life. Sounds like you need a friend and he’s not being that for you? I honestly don’t even think counseling would really help. Maybe get a hobby and take yourself out and see if he notices. Find a friend? If you’re truly unhappy with his disinterest and contentment then I suppose asking for a divorce isn’t a bad thing because honestly the things I’ve suggested can all be done without him but it might fill your life a enough to be ok with him. If that makes any sense.

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If you not happy just go. No point in crying about it everyday. Just go

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Ughhhh i feels this in my soul…im sorry lovie I hope you find your happiness again.

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Do everything you possibly can to make the marriage work IF that’s what you want. Counseling, anything. Decide if you’re willing to walk away from a lifetime commitment or if you’re willing to accept things as they are in case nothing changes. Not judging ya either way bc it’s your life and your marriage. But the choice isn’t easy. Has he changed somewhere that he used to do all these things and just doesn’t now or has this always been the way it’s been and it’s just bothering you now? People don’t really change a whole lot with how they read people. Some people just aren’t as intuitive as others when it comes to emotional needs. Can’t fault the man for being who he’s been. Does he make an effort in other areas where he lacks in this one? He’s human. He can only try. BUT if it’s that he doesn’t care, then girl there is nothing you can do until he chooses to care.

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Welcome to the world of grown up women!

If your together it’s because y’all believed in find that again ND go from

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Maybe you have different love languages? For me, I’m a take care of you person but emotionally I’m a little stunted where my boyfriend of 14yrs needs that quality emotional time. Its not all on you to fix it but maybe look into the different love languages and try to communicate effectively for the both of you. If it continues to be one sided I guess you know your answer.

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I think you both need therapy. He doesn’t know how to communicate and you don’t know how not to take it personally lol words of affirmation obviously isn’t his love language and it does sound like yours. Get a third party to break it down for both of you to understand better.

I’ve been through hell & back with marriage. I filed for divorce 3x, we are still together 21yrs.
I’m assuming you were the one say he doesn’t want to do counseling. A few thing you need to answer honestly! Does the good out way the bad? Does he treat you good or is there abusive behaviors? Is he stressed about something & he doesn’t want you to know it or worry about? Are you in love with him? Are you unhappy with your life & just think it would be better to start new? Is your sex life non-existent or in a rut? Honestly, do you bitch/ complain/ talk at him because you want to be heard? Do you want your marriage to work? (real marriage is work, it’s hard, it has up & downs)
If you want to try you also need to change/ bend in your ways. Leave him cute note in his truck or text him randomly. Tell him you love him. Have a great day at work. Make his favorite meal. You plan a date. Plan a guys day, he goes out with his buddies (which leaves you a free day to do self care for yourself). Ask him how his day was? Even if he bitchs, he may need to get it out.

If you’re unhappy, just go. Leave before things gets toxic. Simple as that. You’d keep on asking for more and he’ll never understand why.

When we marry it is for better or worse . There are always trying times in a relationship but the good usually out ways the bad. If he is abusive that’s a different matter altogether Maybe write your feelings down on paper and get hubby to reply if possible…

Only you will know when your threshold has been reached. Resentment will take hold and he will become repulsive.

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Read the book “Men are from Mars Women are from Venus”, it will give you some enlightenment on your differences. Dr. Phil’s “Relationship Recue” is good too. If he is a good man and is good to you otherwise you need to give the relationship a chance.

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I think u should try councilling and when ur waiting for that can u go away together no phones no nothing just by ur selves for even a mini break u a lot of times life gets in the way and u can kinda get so busy u sort of forget to treasure each other and appreciate each other if u could get away with each other forget about everything and just relax together it might help an awful lot u know marriage is hard and u have to compromise is there a hobby he’s interested in music does he like nature ask him to show u teach u u say u want him to know u better maybe he needs the same from u remember ur marriage vows ask him to do them all and u do the same for him show each other u appreciate each other do the little things for each other give ur selves 2 or 3 months and c how u feel then even if ur both tired fron the day or work just do ur vows for 2 or 3 months u know make an effort on ur part too and c how u feel then u might find once u both try really hard u might love each other more by the time ur done

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Shouldn’t this woman have gotten to know the man she is now married to before they were actually married? For the most part at least. :no_mouth:

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Sounds like an asshole leave him

This is something you should have been asking yourself 4 years ago to see if he was worth marrying. You now know the answer you denied yourself back then.

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Probably not compatible

If you have to ask you already know the answer

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If you need to ask the question, then you already know the answer!

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Marriage is always going to be something you have to work at.
Marriage is never easy. Relationships of all kinds take work. Just like you and your best friend have changed and become different people throughout your lives, so too will you and your spouse. You will never completely know each other. That is the great part and the hard part of Marriage but it’s what keeps it interesting.

After all, the fun part of dating is the mystery, right? There’s probably a lot you don’t know about him too. Instead of resenting him for what he doesn’t want to do, Maybe focus on the things you love about him.

There will be days you dislike your spouse…heck there will probably be weeks and months you dislike them. As long as you remember that you love them, that’s what will keep you going.

Respect each other and continue to rediscover one another. AND REMEMBER marriage is hard work, but it’s work that is worth it, because when you work hard at something, it always turns out better than it was…

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I wouldn’t throw in the towel until you went to counseling. He literally sounds clueless…

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Honey I’ve been with my husband for over 30 years and he still doesn’t understand me.

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Males aren’t spose to get woman. No1 is exactly the same and if you are already questioning yourself then eventually you will convince yourself to stay another pain steaking year. If your not happy move on. He won’t change just because you want more from him. I did it for 2 years and that was enough for me. I wasn’t silly enough to marry him but I did have his baby. Sometimes we have to look at the bigger picture before it’s to late.

Have you tried counselling. Some people just aren’t great at communicating on their own

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These are things that should have been laid down before marriage became a question. With room to grow after marriage. These are the things that help you get through the rough times, the low times and the angry times. Either his weird fits your weird or you are wasting each others time. And remember sorry only means something if action is put forth to change the behavior. If they are not changing their behavior they shouldn’t be apologizing.

You teach people how to treat you. Every time you draw the line or let something go you are teaching people that those are your boundaries. And everytime you let them over step those boundaries you are teaching them that they can overstep you anytime they want.

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These are things y’all should have cleared up before ever getting married. So you knew how he was. Marriage is alot of give and take. Mostly giving. No one can really give you a answer without all the facts from both sides. By someone who has been married almost 40 years.

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Hunni calm down! It takes time to train them! 4 yrs just the top of the cake! Worth it in the end!

Aren’t those things you should have done before getting married? Marriage takes work, no one says its always going to be rainbows & sunshine. These are things you should have figured out before rushing to get married. Marriage is about working through the good & tough times, not just calling it quits.

Is he a good man? I feel like most men don’t notice things until you point them out. My husband thinks on topics forever and it frustrates me because I am quick and know myself well. If you talk to him and he still wants to be married then you then work on it. I am that person though that thinks you should work as long as you both are willing. I have had the conversation with my friend group and all of us women think we put in more effort to keep the marriage going then our husbands. Might just be a woman thing because we usually are more in touch with our feelings. Good luck.

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For all these people saying it should have been cleared up before marriage should really look at both sides of the coin people change wether it be overnight or 6 months down the road no one knows where a relationship takes one I’ve been in one 14 yrs and were not Married and boy did he change over time personally I would never consider marriage because there’s no point in forever because most relationships don’t understand or want to take the time to know what that means but if you feel like your not happy then move on whether you chose to marry to soon or not that’s your choice and you shouldn’t be condemned for that people fall out of love especially when one partner gives all and the other when they feel like it marriage is a partnership and no one should have to grab they’re spouse by the hand like a 2!year old and have to constantly explain they’re wrongs if they don’t get it they never will

Personally, I feel that if he has shown no interest in getting to know you better after 4 years, then it is time to let him go.

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It depends. If you want the rest of your life like this, then stay with him. He obviously has no interest in depening the relationship. If you want more, it’s going to need to be with some else.

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After 4 years together, it’s not that he doesn’t notice when he upsets you. He just doesn’t care.

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The Love Dare book is a good book to look into for this situation

Have you planned dates and just told him to get ready?

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You need to go somewhere besides facebook to seek marital advice. The book How to Understand Women is still being written and is expected to be in the editor’s hands sometime in the 25th century. Get a life.

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Is he going through alot of stress or anything esle at the moment? I know myself if there is alot of changes or stress. I shut off. I wouldn’t give up.

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Excuse me but if marriage is not heath then you have right to leave I’m in same shape my husband is away on his table and cellphone talking to others about me

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The fact that you’re asking, should already give you your answer

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Couples counseling? It’s always a step in right direction if you aren’t ready to give up

Don’t waste your time with a guy that doesn’t make you feel.

I married a guy real super quick without knowing him but there were something there. We just celebrated our 4th year. He shows every intrest in investing time in our relationship. We try to go out every 2 months. Its kinda hard with 2 plus 2 and 1 ours. Five children to work around but I don’t feel neglected. If you do and already tried. Maybe try something new. Like to create a hot date and start giving him little sweet messages around and then play a game with him finding you and honestly if he doesn’t play with you. I’ll think of letting go. You know… sometimes forcing someone to share doesn’t work. You gotta play and you both will learn things and spice it at the same time.

Try counseling, you never give up.

No interest in getting to know you in 4 years? Bye…

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Sounds like you have different love languages and/or like he struggles with verbal communication

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I been with my husband for 29 years and I have a million & 1 reasons to leave him but I kinna like him so I’m just here. No dates, no sex in yeeeears, (I’m just 46) I sleep in the couch 98% of the time but it’s whatever. I’ve come this far and I don’t want to start over in the dating world. Let me say to this day we still don’t know everything about each other. It’s like putting together the world’s biggest puzzle with crumbs.

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Every person I know that divorced always answered that question “when it’s not worth fight for it anymore”. Some men are oblivious and don’t understand that they need to learn your love language… not the way they need to be loved but the way you do. I think a mediator or counseling would help as a last attempt to save it.

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Sounds like you got married too fast because you were bound to know This before. Me and my partner have been together 12 years. We got engaged 2 years ago. The first ten years - was it plain sailing nope, did we have to learn about each other, definitely. We split up once over something stupid coz it was driving me mad and he couldn’t see that. Not for long but he doesn’t do it now. You are both different people that much is obvious but me and my partner could not be more different but we work so well. We get married next year after 13 years together. I am marrying my lover and best friend and someone I wouldnt want to be without. If you don’t see that now even after marriage then you are not right for each other xx

may b its time for relationship councelling

I have been married over 55 years and my husband has dementia. Before he was diagnosed, he would say I’ll never understand a woman and all her different moods. don’t give up on him and yes talk,talk to each other. We always once a month, when our boys were small would go out for dinner and a drive. That keeps the love alive in your relationship. Wish we could still do that. Good luck.

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Do you listen to him? Or know how he feels?

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Put God first and he will take care of everything else. I been married 13 years… Not every year was a good year. However by us building our relationship with Christ it has strengthened my marriage tremendously. Fight for what you love… Why don’t you plan a date? … It makes me sad seeing so many marriages failing because people just want to give up… Most women want that feeling of a new relationship constantly but unfortunately life isn’t that way so they find a new partner who makes them feel better but I assure you it’s only temporary. Why devote 4 years of your life to someone to just throw it away because you feel he doesn’t understand you? My husband still don’t understand everything about me and I fought he ever will but he dang sure loves me and does his best. I will be praying for you and your family :heart:

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I’m wondering why y’all got married if you knew he didn’t really know you or understand you? That is something you would’ve realized very early on…
I have been with my husband going on 7 years and I am still learning from him every single day.
Everybody has different love language, either you learn it or you don’t.

Marriage isn’t meant to be sunshine,rainbows, and happiness all the time. Its hard and something you have to keep working at. Try some marriage counseling. Giving up is to easy.

Could he possibly be on the autism spectrum and undiagnosed?

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Was this a rushed marriage? Because this is something you should have known about him before marriage. If your not happy leave

:rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl: I’ve been with mine for 8 years…and he still doesn’t understand the basics

You never mentioned anything about love or attraction…

Look up love languages. Everyone has different ways they express love. Also communicate with him.

If you love him fight for him. I was married 40 years before I list my best friend to a massive heart attack, we never gave up on each other, its not easy but you have to fight for your marriage.

Was it like this before you married him? Why would you even say yes?