How do you leave a marriage with kids?

I can’t get myself to do it. We have 2 kids together and my husband brings in all the money an I stay home with the kids. And before anyone goes to say to work on it, I have for months. I’ve been begging him to change and I know it never will. He is a narcissist. He throws away my stuff and has anger and alcohol problems. If I leave I will have nothing. He owns the house and I would have no where to go. I just need advice please. He’s a great dad just not a husband. I wouldn’t have child care to get a job so I would have nothing.

Are you from the UK if so contact citizens advice they can inform you of what your entitled to you would be entitled to Universal Credit with all elements to cover cost of house and other finances
You could go to your local authority and register for council House or look at housing associations in the area that accept Dss

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How do you leave a marriage with kids?

So depending on the state. If yall have kids he cant force u out. And depending on how long u have been married he would potentially owe u 50 percent of everything. Here in nc it’s a community property state. So for a divorce its 50 percent of all profits and assets gained during marriage. Plus he would owe u alimony and child support.


You take a deep breathe and say I’m beariiful im strong and I have my kids. Start a diary of daily events to prove ypur situation. Then you begin youre own journey.


Better to bevbroke and free.


I’m here if ypu private message me mom of four married 3 times starting over is hell but it makes the woman in us amazing when needed


Being a single mom is scary in its self. I’ve been right where you are. First, know that leaving a unhealthy marriage is the first step. It will be better for your children, even tho right now you may not see it. Second, do some research. Talk to family an friends. You will need a good support system. You never know who might be willing to help. Also, make calls to your local aid agencies. Most states have childcare help if your children are not school age. If you are involved with a church, talk with the pastor. Some churches have programs. It may be hard at first but it can be done. I had a lot of lows an highs as a single mom but I worked hard and made a few sacrifices. I’m now remarried. My girls are happy an healthy. I wish you the best of luck. Please remember you are not alone and don’t be afraid to ask for help.

learn about the narzisist behaviour, or join a womensgroup that deals with domestic violence.

It will damage your kids more to stay than leave, you’re showing them it’s okay to be treated the way you are by allowing it. Leave him.


If he’s a great Dad leave the kids with him. You know they’ll be safe and he’ll figure everything else out. Get YOU together. Section 8, TANF, Stamps, etc. Leave and set yourself up to co-parent on an even foot :brown_heart:.

You can be an amazing parent but a :poop: Spouse. If he’s a Great Dad, let him be while you handle YOU.


Don’t leave the home and stockpile as much money as you can.


I left with two kids and flew across the country. With whatever I could fit on the plane and the clothes on our back. If you want to leave… nothing will stop you.


OMG some one inlighten this Lady, she definitely needs help that husband probably made her believe this. (Child support, alimony, among other helpful resources)


You should be able to get childcare assistance so you can work.


Did you sign a prenup?


I had to leave my narc abuser with 2 kids…

It had progressed to physical… even directed at the kids at times… (I’d take my punishments for all minor infractions… I knew my rules and obeyed, but living in survival mode… you forget things)

It was not easy, not by any means… I was so far gone…

Luckily I was able to get family to come get us and get us to safety…

It still took about a year for me to be able to make ANY decisions, concerning me, on my own… I had to have permission to eat, bathe, go to the bathroom, to wear clean clothing…

I remember my mom and grandma crying about it, but I honestly didn’t understand… I felt I had no value…

One day I overheard my grandma telling my grandpa that I am precious, worth so much more, and that I am teaching my kids that they have no value…

Talk about a wake up call!

I got in support groups, googled schedules (I’m a list maker, so a schedule to become healthy was needed… for focus and to keep me from going off track), and spoke with legal over the phone…

That was 09 or 10…

I’ve been in a lot of therapy since…

The point is… find your support network, get you and your babies to them… you can do this!

Get your babies and yourself in therapy asap! They’ve been learning what is ‘normal’ from this…

Be patient with yourself!

You’re not as far gone as I was, and if I could do it… you can do it! Be patient with yourself, you won’t see the actual carnage that’s taken place until you’re safe. (Sad but true luv)

Find a women’s shelter, find a family member, find a friend, you got this!



I was in your situation but he was also physically and mentally abusive. I was worried one day he would kill me. I use to say I can’t leave because I’m a stay at home mom and would have nothing. One day I just snapped out of it. Let him have everything except mine and the kids clothes and their toys. I left and never looked back. I’m now celebrating my 5th wedding anniversary (8 years together) with my current husband who is amazing. He loves my kids just as much as he loves our kids together. Life can be better. Don’t settle. Leave when you are ready.


If you are staying due to things you are doing it for all the wrong reasons…


U are stronger than u think! Pack up and leave and never look back. U will be fine it will all workout :blush:


Do not under any circumstances listen to the person / people who say leave your kids with him. Never never never leave your kids. EVER.


You can do this. For the children you’ve got to. Believe me when I say it will affect them if you stay
I left with a 3yo and a bag.
I was lucky…I went to my sister, I did work and managed to change to nights. Got a council (social?) House and my neice stayed over when I worked. I wasn’t entitled to benefits because I worked but there is so much help out there for abused women…especially with children .
In 3 years I had furnished my home , got a mortgage and bought my home , learned to drive, bought a car…I struggled . It wasn’t easy…but I managed and so will you.
Contact a womans refuge and they’ll help you with housing , benefits etc .
Dont let your kids see you being abused and you accepting that behaviour…it hurts them when he hurts you . Youll struggle…but you and the kids will be safe and happy …find the strength. Good luck


Talk to a lawyer who will tell you what you’re entitled to and your options in a divorce. The consultation will probably be at no cost and will give you some answers. He may own the house, but it’s not that simple. You are his spouse, and there are children involved.


If there’s a will there’s a way! You have to want it if not everything will be impossible…

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If you have family to lean on start there. Make a safe plan when you are ready to leave. Go somewhere safe. If ur kids go to school fine a job that will work with your schedule . If they are still small look into government help for day cares. I know it’s easier said than done but believe in your self. Love ur self and fine that inner peace you need. You are not alone.


I would apply for government housing and assistance until you get on your feet, not sure where you live but they offer daycare vouchers and all if you don’t have help with child care as well


Ring local police :oncoming_police_car: station they will give you address to go to the safe house coordinator will help you out with everything possible get eldest child to pack back pack and help with smaller children
Once his left for work take the children and don’t look back


Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How do you leave a marriage with kids?

For starters you do have something. If you are married the house is half yours legally, well in some counties it is anyway.
But don’t stay with him for the kids. I’m a child of divorce and 2 separated happy parents is better than 2 being together just for the kids long term. You will be able to make it work on your own.


My best advice is leave. Speak to the police to report his behaviour, you’ll get full support from both them and social services and women’s aid. They will remove him from the house or rehouse you regardless of whether he owns it. You’ll be entitled to half of everything with you being married anyway.
Youll get given a support worker who will help you set up benefits, pay your rent and other bills and also childcare if you wished to work.

I ahd to make this tough decision a few years ago and honestly can’t fault the police or social services in the help they gave me they were fantastic.


First step, citizens advice. They can advise you on housing, support, advice etc. If there is DV you can get more help and a shelter. Do yiu have family to stay with? Talk to him, he maybe willing for you to stay in house so that your kids have a roof over their head. Explain your feels and need to separate. If you feel in danger don’t or have a companion with you at the time. If you wanted to work there are options around school times etc. If possible, save some money from the bank a count in your account, small amounts that when time is right to leave you have cash to get you through any difficulty.

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Because your married you own half the house my mums name wasn’t on the house but as my parents were married she got half in the divorce x

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It depends where this lady is from in the UK she could go to citizens advice and they will support her

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How do you leave a marriage with kids?

There are resources for women fleeing abuse. I went to a shelter and they started to help me with everything. I left with absolutely nothing except clothes for my daughter and I. It’s been 2 years and I’ve completely rebuilt my life without him. You can do it! I promise it’s worth it.


I Was Married to an " Alcoholic, Wife-Beating Narcissist for 10 Years !
Sending PRAYERS & Hugs :pray::pray::pray:




If he’s a great Dad leave the kids with him. You know they’ll be safe and he’ll figure everything else out. Get YOU together. Section 8, TANF, Stamps, etc. Leave and set yourself up to co-parent on an even foot :brown_heart:.


I know I’m 24 but here’s what I did to get out of my domestic violenece situation. No it wasn’t easy I survived so much like many parents have when dealing with these situations.
I took him to family court after he tried killing me got sole custody of both kids Went through homeless shelters for 2 years and now I’m processing the divorce and finally have my own apartment and work as a security guard I am now able to get therapy regularly.
I got a childcare voucher through ACS/ DCFS that’s good until both kids are 15.
It’s hard but you can do it.


Find a women’s shelter!


If in the states, call Legal Aide. Also you can call 211 United Way. They’re a good resource.


Start with one thing, find a support system…. It’s ok to start over. Scary And stressful but also so liberating. I left my abusive ex after 5 long years. I had nothing when I left. 5 years later and I have a house, a wonderful boyfriend and 3 happy kids. If your kids see how he treats you then they will grow up thinking it’s ok to be treated or treat people that way. Do it for you and for the kids. It might be the biggest fight of your life, but you are stronger then you realize.


Agree with everything. Make the decision, leave, and take it one day at a time from there. You know what you want and you can make it happen! Resources are out there and legal aid can help. It won’t be easy, but it will be worth it. :heart:


Go to ur local council housing office or phone them explain situation they can advise u from there and apply for universal credit n u can get an advance so u covered til it comes through. I done same years ago. U will be happier n ur kids will be happier if u are as well. Do it n don’t look back. It’ll work out fine, just be stressful at time. U be glad u did it! X

I packed the car and the kids and left. No plan as I was also the SAHM. Found out a week to the day I left that I was pregnant with #5. It sucked but I had to change the situation for us all as it was definitely not healthy. It got better quickly and it was worth it.


I was in this position. I went to a friends house and then to a shelter for help and resources. Things will suck for awhile but they always work out. Just leave before it gets worse.


Look into domestic violence resources around you to help you rebuild yourself. To leave my marriage I took a few dollars here and there without him noticing. I also reached out to dcf they were a lot of help at first.

Well you would have help from alimony payments and child support. If he’s the bread winner then he will pay you


He may own the house…but you have them kids and have been home. U can get the house for your kids lomg as u can find temporary housing till then


If you leave, you will have everything. You will have everything. You will have yourself, your children, your life. Run hard.


It wouldn’t be forever … if it’s that bad it’s worth the struggle for a while … just keep thinking it’s better than it was and it can only get better each day

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Things can always be replaced, you and the kids are more important. Leave his ass and start fresh. Not saying its easy, but it can be done, Im proof of that. Good luck


If you live in the UK youcan get support from womens aid,a lot more support groups out there than when I was going through my divorce

Find your inner courage and do it for yourself and children , they feel your pain even if you don’t think they notice anything , I left my husband after 15yr married he had everything in his name . I moved into my parents till I now have a private let my kids are better off it’s a happy house . And he walked away as most men do …
Be strong you got this . Make sure you pack when he’s at work so you get your stuff or it could turn nasty like mine and he binned everything …
be strong :revolving_hearts:


I had to do it after 15 years. Find a relative or friend. Speak to them. Anything. Boys and Girls club is amazing and what I used for before and after school care.
You got this

Being a great dad also means treating the mum well. Get advice from refuge… they will help you step by step x


Doesn’t sound like he’s a great husband or father if he’s acting like that. I used to tell myself those same lies


A) get a lawyer.
B) you can get help to get into your own accommodation.
C) by going to a lawyer you wld get half. He can pay you out. Which you use to set yourself up as best you can. Set up shared custody, so you both have time with your children.


When I was 26 years old I had 4 daughters. Age 1 up to 7. I had a husband just like what you are describing. I couldn’t stay in that house 1 minute longer. I had nothing except my girls. I had never worked outside the home. But you have to believe in yourself. And you say he’s a good father but those kids see and hear everything. Right now you are teaching them how a man treats a woman and how a man is supposed to treat his wife. They are soaking it all in. You need to end the cycle. Good luck to you. I hope you find the courage.

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You can do it, you just have to want to bad enough. Been there many times and currently trying to get out of a narcissistic relationship

Yes there are plenty of resources for you and children you’d be surprised when I feed with my kids I had more in 2 mnths than I have ever had with him minus all the abuse and I’m still a stay at home mom sweetie please get out this is in no way healthy for you or your children.

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I left with 5 boys and not much. I should have left sooner but he talked me back every time. I got my CNA and never looked back. You and your babies deserve better. It wasn’t always easy but it was better than being in an abusive relationship with no end in sight. I had to get an order of protection at one point. Idk how it is in NC but I got a temporary order of custody and he had to start paying child support immediately. He then got himself fired from his job but that’s a whole nother story. Stay safe and strong!

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When my husband and I split I had nothing and two children. I applied for a low income apartment, welfare, and child support. They also have programs to help you with childcare and to find a job. Once on your feet you can cancel the assistance if you want to. I wouldn’t stay in a relationship of any kind just out of necessity. He can still be a good father without y’all being together. Just my advice.

You should he able to get Spousal Support and Child Support I would think. Prayers during this difficult time.

If you leave at least you’ll have your sanity and you won’t know the outcome of anything until you give it a go

There should be child support there somewhere and section 8 housing there are ways

Depending on what state you’re in the house is both of yours because you’re married even if your name isn’t on the house. And you’re entitled to half his 401k.
So if he doesn’t buy you out of 50% of the house value then he’ll have to sell the house and give you 50% of the house.
You’ll have money and child support coming. Gotta be patient but get out and get the ball rolling!


Is there a women’s shelter you can contact?

If you cant leave now make plans for when you can. What ever you have to do. He will not change and it will get worse.

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What state are you in?

What country r U in?

For your peace of mind and safety and you leave God to work everything out for you I know from experience.

A great dad would treat their mim with respect

Which country do you live?,

You came into this world with nothing, now you are EVERYTHING.

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Call a lawyer. They’ll be able to tell you what your rights are and what to do in your area. Every state and country I suppose are different when it comes to custody and divorce. In the meantime, document everything and if he leaves the house drunk and drives call the police on him. Having ACTUAL outside proof he’s an alcoholic and has a problem will help you with custody and help prevent him from harming the kids while drunk and in his custody. Sounds super mean but if he’s truly got a problem and you divorce you have 0 say so what goes on on his parenting time. Good luck!

I’m just getting out of an abusive relationship and it’s so hard.
But you can’t keep subjecting yourself to the same cruelty, day after day.

Unfortunately nobody can do this for you. One day you just have to make a plan and stick to it. Ask friends to help, even if it’s just to keep you from not going back.

Some of the strongest women I know have left with nothing. I know many who went to a shelter to escape the chaos. What you don’t want to do is stay and teach your kids to take one more day of that dysfunction. It’s going to hurt to leave but it’s also going to hurt to stay. There are programs which were made and created for this very reason. Please seek information about womens programs and shelters. Domestic violence. Sending you hugs, prayers and strength to make the choices that will pivot your life. New opportunities and blessings. :pray:t3::muscle:t3:

Start trying to save some money in an account
Reach out to a lawyer that does free consults
Have a place to stay
Try to find a job that will be consistent and conducive to some child care if they aren’t in school
So sorry, my ex is a narcissist
Reach out to a local church -our church in north Georgia has a thrift store that is free and can help with jobs and things like that
It’s getting your ducks in a collaborated space- in a row will not happen☺️
Just have a plan first
Technically if you are married, you count for the house- I was not listed on our mortgage and it was just as much mine as his said my lawyer

You have legal rights re the house

Does he give you money?maybe start putting a little back at a time. Maybe get a small storage locker and start slowly putting your things in there. Stuff he won’t notice. Then when you decide to go put the rest of your stuff in there an leave.

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You need to get a job and build up a little secret nest egg for yourself. When you have enough saved up to carry you through emergencies and to pay for a lawyer, then you file for divorce. Are you living in a joint property state?

I would rather live in a tent than put my kids live in that life. It’s not right.

You just have to bite the bullet and do it. No marriage is worth staying in if it’s abusive

Financial abuse is still abuse.


If he is a narcissist he is a shit husband AND dad and u should start recording abuse -
And narcissists NEVER change !!! They dont need to cuz in their minds they do NO wrong


This was me and my ex. I legit couldn’t take it and wanted to kill myself. I left eoth nothing but the clothes we owned and moved to my folks where he was put on trespass and a protection order. It’s very very hard and scary but I had to do it for me and my sons.


Start to save money some how even little bits here and there adds. Up. Speak to family and friends so you may have a place to go. (Clearly none he would think you would go) I would also be keep an emergency bag ready and warn kids when you say let’s go it’s let’s go and be quiet.
Have a plan to go and keep your car half full at all times. Also you can speak to your state DHS and they maybe able to help you get your own place and help before hand. Good luck. Ways have a back up plan.


If you cant do it for yourself, do it for your kids. Is the the example of what they will believe is a normal relationship, that you wish to give them? Leave, love your kids, and get some counseling for PTSD. I promise it’s the best gift you could give your children.

I went to a homeless shelter then was put in temp accommodation until I got a place. The house I fled was full of my clothes furniture everything I owned and everything my son owned I left with the baby things and my kids that’s it, there’s places you can go for help. It’s not easy starting again but totally worth it.

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If you are in certain parts of the US. A program called 180 Turning Lives around is for ALL women and children.
Safe place food and shelter.
Not even the police know where the families are are located.
They will also help with paperwork.

Pack whatever you can and go. File a protective order against your husband immediately, and he legally cannot get rid of your belongings without legal repercussion. I went through this exact same situation in July. Please feel free to message me if you need any help or have any questions about my situation.

Start saving money
Gather your belongings and ALL important paperwork
Many states have programs for women and children of DV
Ask family or friends to stay with them
Once you leave get an order of protection for you
If he makes the money save or gather bank statements to show how you have lived while married
Good luck :four_leaf_clover:
I would not leave kid’s with the father at this time.
If he drinks and has anger issues he may take it out of them and not you.
Can it happen ? yes
Pray :pray: it does not.

I dont have kids and I’ve never been married but your happiness is more important than staying in a marriage your miserable. Try to find some help with housing there are lots of programs. You shouldn’t be with a man who treats you as if your nothing to him

He’s not a great Dad.
You can’t be a horrible husband AND a great Dad.
Your kids see everything and they will be getting affected by all of this.
Please get in contact with DVCS. They have a 24/7 crisis hotline.


Best of luck x

There are plenty of jobs out there. Start looking into employment and childcare options. Try getting something part time to start. It will give you reason to get childcare and provide you your own money. Talk to a friend or family member about temporary shelter. Have a definitive plan to make it temporary. Before you leave, have some money saved up. You have to eat, need gas money/bus fare, personal care items and he will probably take the insurance off of your car or take it from you. Money gives you options. Once you leave file separation, custody, spousal and child support.(Look into the cost prior to leaving) You may need to get temporary assistance from social services, housing and the local shelter. It can be done, just have plan and a backup plan.

Which country do you live?

Well… there you go then… you already know what’s up… time to start from scratch… I mean unless your looking for a magic answer it’s gonna be work… but you are worth it… get started today… squirrel away $5 today… just START :blue_heart::peace_symbol::four_leaf_clover:

There are resources to helps you with a place to stay, childcare,. Food, medical, job training and searching etc.

Like a Grown up and a good Parent