We didn’t make our announcement that we were even together till I found out I was pregnant. I’m almost 2 months post partum now and things are just going downhill…
I’ve always been the one with the high sex drive and we don’t even have sex anymore and rarely while I was pregnant. He’s a work a holic and sees making money for his family is more important than making memories… as I’m one to always wanting to make memories even with the simplest things.
We can’t seem to find a middle common ground.
I’m just officially lost for words. There’s more to it as far as he’s controlling and just wanting me home all day long. We split the bills in half but I was the only one to save and I’m bringing in zero income. Luckily I’ve saved enough but everything just seems to have gone out the door…
Do I just tell him Im no longer feeling that spark?
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How do you let someone know you’re falling out of love with them? - Mamas Uncut
This is exactly why I left my husband. Money 
and working was priority and making memories was mine. I was obligated to make money and pay half bills even with 2 babies under 2.
It was horrid. Left and didn’t look back. 5 years on and all is well. Hope you find your peace x
He remarried and found someone who wanted to be like him and I found someone wanting to make memories and have fun. It’s worked out well x
If it don’t fit don’t force it
Good luck 
Hormones change drastically after birth, I would not make life changing decisions during that period. But you should be honest about how you feel and give him a chance to fix it
Just from the beginning where you say trust has always been an issue sounds like it will always stay one. Relationships take a lot of work, but that doesn’t mean it should be so hard and without trust right off the bat. It also doesn’t seem like he’s choosing making money for the family over making memories with the family. If that were the case he would be saving as well if he were doing it for you. Which I have a feeling is likely what he told you?
It sounds like he just wants to be away if he’s working so much then blowing whatever his leftover is rather than putting it away or spending it with you.
It sounds like sex is what kept you guys together this long and now that it’s not as prevalent you’re seeing how the relationship really is.
If you’re wanting to work things out you really should look into counseling. If he won’t, or fights it at all then deep down he knows it’s him and not you, and is not willing to work it out.
That “spark” is limerance, hormones. Love, actual love isnt spark like. It is enduring care. Wanting the best for all. His making money and placing that in front of memories is what men (breadwinner does) when they love and care. They want to make sure their loved ones are taken care of. let your hormones balance out as you just had kid so they will be off balance before you make any major change. Making money IS important. Making sure the baby had diapers and all it needs and you as well is very important. Making memories is great but what if thats all he cared about and no money for diapers, food, housing? Try to find balance. Talk with him about balance. He probably fears that he wont have enough, make enough in case of an emergency.
I think our generation has the wrong idea about what love is. You won’t always feel like you’re “in love”. Time and circumstances change a relationship so much. When you first meet someone, your hormones are going crazy and everything is new and fun, but that doesn’t last. Love is about patiently enduring with your partner, and choosing to love them every day. I truly believe that love is a conscious choice we make, and not a feeling.
So he wants you to stay at home and he also wants to split bills 50/50? Trash. Next.
Not feeling the spark is different than falling out of love. Love changes. Seek help for post pardon or counseling before you make a decision
If the reason you’re thinking the spark is gone is because you’re not sexually active at the moment towards him, it will come back. I’m having this issue, I just had my 3rd baby. I found out that if you breastfeed and even after a baby in general, your hormones drop which makes you not feel sexually active. I usually am, but I have 0 interest pregnant and after pregnancy. I’m 4 months in and still am not normal because I am breastfeeding. With my last son, it took 8 months for me to actually start becoming sexually active and then I got pregnant the next month with my son I just had😂 If you’re saying the spark is gone because you’re just not happy with him, that’s a different story. But you just had a baby and the hormones are very off right now so you might just need some time. It takes 9 months to make a baby and it takes at least 9 months for your body to recover from it.
Love is a choice. Not a feeling. If he’s broken that trust over and over or you have then it’s natural to let that fade.
Always better to be honest
Tell him n get out for your own good
Why on earth are you still with him, much less having a kid with him??
Do what you feel is right, if you don’t feel the spark/connection anymore then tell him, it may be a hard conversation but it’s one you have to do so just say you have to talk to him about something then count 1,2,3 then blurt it out that you don’t love him anymore apologies if you feel it’s necessary but if trust has been lost you won’t get it back and he will continually break your trust
Let it go you’ll be miserable if you stay
Go to couples counseling. They can help you clarify issues and offer suggestions to help you both make better decisions. Armed with more info, you can make a decision together about what’s best for all, including your new little one.
Easy … Hey I’m falling outa of love with you … 
Yes. Please talk to him.
Communication is key to any healthy relationship. Romance or not. Very important in life.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How do you let someone know you’re falling out of love with them? - Mamas Uncut
Don’t stick around if it’s only causing you pain and you’re not happy, just be honest with how you’re feeling and move on! The right person is out there waiting to love you right 
you have to go through a few toads before you find your prince:heart:good luck
Don’t lie to yourself, nor to him. I stayed in a toxic relationship for 3 years. I wasn’t feeling the spark for a long time, everyone told me to end it so many times and I nevver listened to anyone. I eventually ended it but in the long run, you will feel better for cutting ties and letting go
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How do you let someone know you’re falling out of love with them? - Mamas Uncut
Yes, let him know exactly how you feel just like you shared here. My husband is a workaholic. I want to say about ten years into our marriage he would just want to come home and sit on the couch in front of the t.v. and watch sports and not want do anything else. I was so frustrated. I had a heart to heart talk with him and let him know I was not happy and was contemplating leaving. I wasn’t asking for much, even a trip to Walgreens (around the corner) so long as we did it as a family. He made an effort to change and be more involved but it wasn’t enough. Things changed when I planned a trip with my family and was leaving him behind. He took time off work to join us. Since then he’s become our trip planner and we’re still making memories. He tells me what days to take off from work and I do it, no questions asked. He coordinates his wardrobe around mine. 
30 years together and still going strong and I’m very happy. Talk to him. It is a compromise though. He joined a softball league for about 12 years and I was there for games and tournaments. I will also watch college football with him. The USC game is today and he told me last night to think of what I want as a spread for our “tailgate.” I’m thinking wings, lil smokers and chips w/ guacamole. 
Fight On!
Sounds like the same boat I’m in. Except I’m currently pregnant with my bfs baby, he’s the one with the high sex drive, he has a short fuse it definitely doesn’t take much to make him angry. He and I have been off and on for 2 years we talk all the time about our issues but doesn’t seem like it’s making a difference so idk how long he and I will last because of it
Honesty and communication is key. If he doesn’t respect you and listen, than you have your answer immediately.
First of all, why are you paying half the bills if you don’t have any income? He wants you to stay home, he can pay the bills.
Second, it won’t change. Get out while it’s easier. My husband (together for 8, married for 3 of those years) is the same. Making money over memories. And it crushes my soul. I still love him so I push forward but I’m scared one of these days that love will run out with him being a workaholic and not helping out with stuff.
You should tell him. Honesty above all else. I know it can seem like a very dark and difficult situation. But staying in a situation that doesn’t make you happy that doesn’t bring joy to your soul is far more dangerous than leaving.
Be honest but it sounds like there needs to be a huge discussion between the 2 of you. Have a discussion about goals, wants, and needs with open listening ears.
Sounds like my ex. I’m happy I never had a baby with him and I’m sorry your going through all that. You definitely should and I hate to say it but sometimes the biggest solution is leaving. Although it’s easier said then done.
I had to begin to work do inner work on myself to gain the strength to walk away from a six year situationship much like this one. It’s been five months and I have no desire to rekindle anything with him. In the past, we would stop talking for a few months and one text would start things back up.
I realized that there would never be trust, I was no longer in Love, and I’m not sure he ever had Love for me. It helped me to see him flirting with women on social media. It reminded me of why I was done.
Sometimes, distance and silence says more. I had to stop communicating with his family because he knew that would keep me close. I had to stop answering messages and calls.
But I had to start with my own healing to be able to let him go. Therapy has helped me so much.
I hope you find it in you to do what is best for you. 
If you are a stay at home Mom he should be supporting you and your baby financially. Don’t spend another penny of your own money. If you think you are in danger (i sense danger here), just get out. No need for discussion. 
You can work to support yourself and eventually find true love. How many times in two years has he broken trust? Be safe 
A man wanting to provide security for his family is commendable. And to be fair the baby is an infant. It’s not like family vacations or trips to Disney will be remembered. Do y’all own a home? Car payments? Baby expenses? Household needs? Are you working? Child care costs?
You are focused on memories as a new mom. It’s different priorities for some partners. They focus on financial stability and retirement, which is SMART. Many new single moms don’t get to make memories like you are wanting because we have to work and possibly go to school. You are in a two parent home. If he feels things are not perfect at home, it’s understandable he would work longer hours and bring in money instead of focusing on making a “memory”.
Looking back, knowing there was a break of trust and you two kept trying is a red flag for both of you then the issues got compounded by bringing a baby into the mix which is added stress for BOTH of you.
That “spark” fades in any relationship and develops into something else. You aren’t DATING him anymore. You are a FAMILY now. That brings more responsibility and expenses. It seems the new norm for a “family” in this era is couples having a child way before they are established as a solid functioning trusting couple.
Take a step back and look at the WHOLE situation. You were on and off for ONLY two years. That’s not a solid two years. Struggles were there from the start. That’s a LOT to unpack as it is.
What is YOUR definition of a spark? How do you two communicate? Do you know how to argue effectively? Do you compromise? Does he compromise? What’s your love language? What’s his? His seems to be providing. Yours seems to be possibly affection/ words of affirmation or acts of service. You HAVE to know his love language and understand that it may not be the same as yours! And that’s OK! Communication is key here. Can you be happy with him showing his devotion BY providing and trying to bring in more money? Does he find fulfillment and purpose in working? He must since he does so much.
And I want to know the ages of BOTH of you because this doesn’t feel like someone in their mid thirties writing this. Just being honest… sorry. You may be expecting more from him than he can give as well.
You need to ask yourself who are you as a person, who is he as a person. What are his goals? What are your goals? What do you expect from your partner on both sides. YOU may not be providing what he NEEDS just as he may not be providing what YOU need and you learn as you live. The fact you overlooked issues time and time again, on both sides, is an issue. Now you both have created a precious person together when your relationship wasn’t on steady ground and seems both are trying to be right, and be the “responsible” person. That won’t work in the long run UNLESS you sit and write out the answers to the questions I mentioned. What do you REALLY know about this man? Truly. What did he want to be when he grew up? Has he asked you the same thing? Do you both sit and talk about your feelings and worries? Do you celebrate each other’s accomplishments and there to listen to the struggles? The answer is probably no. NOW is the time to do the “hard work” and find a deeper connection to build FOR the family. You two need to bond as people THEN as parents. And let’s not forget that not every “younger” man is ready to be at home with a baby. It’s not what they signed up for but sadly they do “the deed” to make one and don’t think far enough ahead to be cautioned that a baby can result from these deeds… then it hits them… the REAL adult world with serious adult responsibilities. I’d be a bit thankful he IS working so much to TRY to be a good provider. Now the two can work on communicating and learning each other as people AND parents. Having a child changed a woman and what her expectations are. You have to understand that. A man doesn’t carry a child. They don’t feel it growing and kicking. What they THINK is needed is keeping a roof over your heads and food in your bellies. Moms tend to want to document every milestone of the baby and relish in their daily changes. They want their baby to experience the world and see exciting things and are so happy with their first holidays and words…… men get happy but it’s a different level, it’s not that it’s not important , it’s just their focus isn’t about them going to the park the first time it’s more about putting gas in the vehicle and making sure it has insurance. Humans are weird and wonderfully complicated
Has it always been like this or has it been amplified since u had the baby?
Keep an eye out for post partum depression.
I think you’d benefit from counseling together. It’s a wonderful resource.
counseling. mediation to help yall compromise.
Relationships have to be nurtured. Fanning the flames is a cliche, but its absolutley true. However love isn’t really a feeling. It is a choice that you make. You need to have a real conversation with him about the direction of your future together, then make a decision and stick to it. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting different results… So you cannot keep running back and forth to a relationship that isnt working. Its no life for a child
Moreso…its going to be hard no matter how you approach the situation. But its going to be so worth it and you’ll be so much better off. Sadly a baby just can’t bring 2 incompatible people together, it never works. Happened to me when I got pregnant by a big mistake 
. Just be honest, it’s simply not working and your baby deserves better
Be straight up with him and tell him if he cant do no better then yall are going yall separate ways and u will co parent with him. Do what makes u happy
Yes. Be honest about your feelings. Make sure you truly feel those things. Take time to think, if he would agree is counseling something you feel would help or is it already at the point that you would feel its pointless? If it’s at the point you feel it would be pointless or something you don’t believe in in the first place then maybe your better single and co-parent.
Sometimes people are just not supposed to be together, and if you are done there is nothing wrong with that. Life is too short to be unhappy!!
Make sure either way. You are thinking of your child. No matter what your mamma and he is daddy, that child should never have to chose one of you cause the other one is vindictive.
Good luck mamma🥰
I’d say, really sit down and organize all the reasons you feel are contributing to you falling out of love. Then approach him with what’s going on in your head and why. It might open his eyes to what’s happening and what he’s risking losing and want to make a change so you guys can repair this. Or he might not be receptive to it, in which case you should move on.
If one has to beg for attention, there is definitely a problem…let him know and be completely honest,do what YOU can to correct issues that you know you can fix…baby steps to get back on track, set a time limit for yourself and go from there…
Save your savings for when you want leave… focus on the baby now and if he likes to work so much he can pay the bills. Maybe have a talk if you think that will change things or motivate him to do better and upstanding your needs.
Probably should be focusing on the new born at this point. Even if you’re not in love anymore your hormones are still all over the place.
Yes you should tell him for sure. The controlling part is what bothers me about your situation. Doesn’t seem fair to split bills when you don’t work and he works alot. See what kind of response you get from him,then decide what you are willing to put up with and for how long. I stayed in a relationship like this for 4 years. Eventually I did leave, wasn’t easy but staying became dreadful.
How does he expect you to pay half when you have no income coming in? Is this guy for real? If he wants you to stay at home all day (which is a massive red flag IMO) then he should be covering all bills! I’ve never understood why some men think it’s acceptable to expect their other half’s to stay home all day with the children. They don’t own you, I’d be leaving personally! X
I’d tell him, maybe ask first to stop workin so much: if he doesn’t change in 3 months… bye 
x
My last ex I was with for 5 years and I let him know I wasn’t happy and we tried working on things for like 7 months and when I had enough I told him it wasn’t working and I was done. There wasn’t anything to discuss except why his dumb a$$ thought I was going to just let him stay in my apt when he had a perfectly good room at his mom’s.
Im sorry to hear you are going through this, we have all been in not so great relationships. I do wonder why you would have a child with someone when you were in a situationship…bringing a child in to that never corrects what is wrong between two people.
Did either of you discuss finances once you had the baby, or did you just continue splitting it 50/50 and not actually let him know this is a struggle for you?
I dont mean to sound harsh and it is a sad situation to be in, especially as a child has been created. I would suggest talking to him in a frank conversation as well as seeking support for yourself. The first few months are a challenge physically, mentally and emotionally once having a baby and not all men or even women are aware of that unless we speak up. Men, like someone else has said above often have that man pride and want to provide. If he is doing this, what is his money going on? It is possible to still have a family work balance but it takes for the both of you to work at it.
Can you put a little context to the controlling behaviour? I am trained in this area…ultimately you, baby and dad need to be happy and healthy. How that happens is how you choose to approach it x
I’d encourage you to take some time and see a therapist for yourself and possibly together before making this huge decision. Not that you’re wrong. You’re just in one of THE MOST VULNERABLE states of life you will ever be in. I felt similar after every pregnancy.
You may find that in a few months, you wished you would’ve pursued a different route or that your hormones balanced out again and so did your feelings.
I’m sorry you’re feeling this way. I know it’s terrible. 
My husband doesn’t take a dime from me and if you’re home with the baby he shouldn’t ask you to pay bills?
2nd, look when you have kids it’s hard at first especially a new one. I think it’s worth talking about. I love my husband but there are times when I wasn’t loving the way he was acting etc. we’ve come a long way. I don’t think everyone always has a happy ending but it’s definitely worth communicating and figuring out.
Just be honest and come out with it. Obviously you aren’t getting on that well so chances are he is feeling the same but doesn’t know how to tell you. Go for it life is to short to be wasted on unhappiness.
Don’t you dare spend another dollar of your savings! He should pay for everything. You are a stay at home mother and he wants it that way so how can he expect you to split expenses? You will need your own money if you break up.
I had a similar situation. Unfortunately telling him didn’t matter. Work still mattered most. So I left
Any man that’s put down for making sure that their family financially taken care of and continues to stay in a place where they can make sure their families taken care of first and foremost, any woman that has a problem with that doesn’t deserve that man in the first place sorry. Because for a man it’s about taking care of his family. Females are full of the emotion. When a man is about taking care of his family and their security first and foremost emotions aren’t that important. The physical world that he sees that’s the most important thing to him is the security of his family. And if you feel the way you feel, the best thing for that man in the long run is for you to go on. Cuz he’s on a whole different level than where you’re at. I’m sorry but the security and well-being of my family would be my number one priority. Emotions doesn’t feed my child. He’s just making sure there’s no memories of his children going hungry or you for that matter. Why don’t you make plans for the family twice a month or so to do something to make memories. Memories can be game night twice a week arts and crafts , gardening together, etc.
I think the relationship deserves the fair effort of honesty from you on how you’re feeling. Maybe him working a ton is his way of dealing with his fears as a new father. Having a baby is extremely stressful. I left my ex husband when my daughter was 2 months old so I promise I’m not judging there. S
But I had verbally communicated my needs and feelings and hurt time and time again before calling it quits. Now I am glad I did because he was very selfish and narcissistic. But at least give him the opportunity to hear you say I have one foot out the door because this feels like it’s done.
Yes sooner rather than later xx
I’m going thru that right now… been in a relationship over 5 years and I do not love him anymore actually just told him today that I’m done and I just don’t love him anymore and that’s its his actions that caused all this… my advise is… just come out and do it… no use in leading him on anymore
Same situation now i have kids but i feel all alone:pensive:sad to say their father enjoying their life alone and im here alone devastated thinking alone how is my kids future but however i dont have any choice just to be their mother and same time as a father too god be with me:pray:
Everything sounds like it comes back to finances and control. Maybe have a discussion over the matter and see if he can rationalize.
Get out of the relationship. Staying with someone who wants to control you & wants you to pay half the bills without an income is crazy. Life is too short there is plenty of help out there for you & your baby!!
Telling anyone how you feel generally does not spark change, in my experience anyway. But I’d still say what needed to be said, then move on.
You have to communicate how you feel to him …tell him so if he cares enough he can fix it …good luck hun
Move out while he’s at work.
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Point blank be honest and tell them
Get out and continue life.
GTFO!!
pay half the bills with no income?
He forces you to stay home?
Girl it’s time to pack up and leave.
Don’t ever let a piece of ass control you.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How do you let someone know you’re falling out of love with them? - Mamas Uncut
Give it time. Let your hormones adjust.
Ok, I see multiple issues here. That spark is hard to keep going through all phases of life, especially just after kids. Big adjustment.
But concerns of being controlling etc if a different story.
Definitely look into counseling and don’t make any drastic changes unless its a safety issue right after baby-- baby hormones can make you feel different so give it some time to adjust.
I don’t feel normal within my marriage until my babies are close to 18 months old… The hormones really stuff with me. Talk it through with a friend or family member that knows both of you and can provide some insight…
Is it possible you could have ppd? I say this from experience. I felt the same way. I think counseling would be good for you and for the both of you. I hope everything gets figured out.
Read the book “Love and Respect” before you bail and pray about.
I think you need to have a serious conversation with your partner and tell them exactly how you are feeling. If he is not willing to do so, then the relationship is broken and won’t ever be fixed. Changes need to be made. But I’m also curious to know If you aren’t out of the home working how is “splitting the bills” even a thing? That makes no sense. Personally, I’ve been in a relationship with a controlling partner and it doesn’t get better, only worse. I wouldnt continue to drain all I have saved and then allow myself to “get stuck” in a situation you don’t want to be in.
I wish you the best of luck.
Time to split. Don’t ever let anyone control you. I was with a man like that and my fool ass stayed for 16 horrible years. I wasted my 20s on that ass. Controlling men are a big no no.
I would keep what’s left of what you have saved and say peace out
Nobody had that spark post partum. Get a therapist, concentrate on you and baby, give things a chance. He needs to pay for stuff if you’re home with baby. Heal.
You’re 2 months post pardum and shouldn’t be making ANY large life changing decisions unless you absolutely need to. You need to let the hormones settle so you know how you’re really feeling. All this might pass. If it doesn’t THEN start to address this.
Also his love language might be providing, and he might be too stressed and pressed for sex. You can’t just think about what you’re going through. What he’s going through matters too.
I think counseling or quit.
Monotony is life. Being with someone longterm is not feeling helplessly in love daily lol. It’s always caring, trying, doing the grind together. Get counseling together and talk it out. Set boundaries and communicate ground rules.
If he’s working so much and wanting to support his family, he needs to be paying the bills if you’re a stay at home momma. So he can’t use that as an excuse
Youve answered your own question. 1, Youre questioning your relationship and 2. Youve lost your spark. You already know what to do 
Good luck
I think you should talk to him and also seek some counseling. You have a brand new baby, stuck at home, pandemic etc… I know it’s got to be super stressful. He’s in provider mode, he’s focusing on providing for his family more than anything right now, especially since the baby is just 2 months old. That’s pretty standard for a new Dad. Not even a new Dad…my Hubby did the same with each new baby. Lol. Just like Mom’s do “nesting” mode…Dad’s do “provider” mode. Anytime a new baby comes there’s an adjustment period. Talk to him. Communication is key. Also, when you say he’s being controlling and just wants you home 24/7, what do you mean? Is he literally telling you stay home and you can’t leave? Not providing transportation or doesn’t want you to work or just worried about you going out in a pandemic? Context is key
Be honest, sit him down and tell him your concerns and if hes not willing to compromise or meet you half way and make an effort to reignite that spark then tell him you have ran our of options and you feel like you need to break from the relationship.
Communication is everything
Sounds like even before the baby you two just had strong pheromone responses and weren’t actually compatible. Leave now before you dont have the money to leave. Your kid will thank you later.
Girl red flags everywhere. No one should be wanting you to be staying home all day period. Screw all of this trying to work it out crap. Get yourself a therapist and be safe.