My partner has just gone back to work and I’m finding i spend all day attending to the child at home cleaning washing and cooking tea while this guy (partner) gets home from work has tea put in front him, he eats showers and of to bed he goes, while mum over here doesn’t stop till well after midnight. Come the weekend hes thinks it fine to laze around all day “coz hes worked all week” and do the bear minimum to help. He is a great hands on dad for what feels like the hole hour he spends with the kids i can’t fault him on that… I’m just so SO over the constant same sh*t different day and so SO jealous that he gets his time out even if its working. Honestly am I just being a sook or is this normal?
Lately I've started to become extremely jealous of my partner. I'm a stay at home mum with 2 boys one at home one at school.
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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How do you move past the jealousy with your partners/husbands? - Mamas Uncut
Have you told him all this?
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Its normal, if u wanna work go do it, if not enjoy being home, talk to hubby and tell him u need some u time!
Oh momma it’s hard to not get mad every once in awhile when everyone else gets a break but u. Talk to ur man let him know that u are struggling and could use a little extra help even if it’s just a couple small things. Honestly though I’ve been a stay at home mom for 10ish years and I love my husband so much but I am totally jelly randomly that he has a life outside of the kids and house I just try to remind myself that there is no where I would rather be on the extra long days.
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Go back to work. Tell him your not cut out for staying home all the time. Don’t lose your independence. Just because he works doesn’t give him the right to use it against you and to not help you.
Go back to work if you’re ok with sending your kids to daycare.
Ehhhhhh
Ok I’m just going to preface my response here by saying that I have been ALL OVER this board…I’ve worked while my (ex) stayed home, I’ve been a single mom, I’ve worked while my (now) husband also worked, we were both home for a few months, and I am and have been a stay at home mom.
I have 100% sympathy for both you and your partner.
Working can hard and stressful. The rules and regulations. The pressure to preform perfectly to keep said job to take care of your family can be pretty intense. I can tell you 
I took a lot of crap from jobs because I had a kid at home that I NEVER would have put up with as a single person without a child.
I remember coming home and being absolutely drained…Like I could barely move myself from the couch to the bed. I was physically and mentally just done. I felt like my (ex) never really understood that.
Yet I would come home…take care of this kid and the house all the same.
Somedays I’d come home covered In yucky stuff and literally have to scream at him because he was trying to hand the baby off to me while I was covered in grease or donut batter or sometimes even oven cleaner. I got to the point that I flat out despised him for it.
As a stay at home mom…it’s a different kind of pressure and a different kind of stress…but some of the stress and pressure is things we build up in our head rather than our partners actual expectations.
When my husband works he’s gone from 7am to 830pm. It makes for a long day for both of us. He doesn’t care if everything is perfectly clean and in place so come the kids bedtime routine I stop doing housework because to me it’s not worth burnout to force myself to stay up late catching up on housework that will still be there in the morning.
I can and do ask for his help, but I try not to do it to the point I’m taking advantage or causing him to burn out either. I realize that after working for 12 hours (being gone 13.5) his days off shouldn’t be jam packed with miles long honey-do lists. In fact I often ask him to keep the kids out of way and that’s it.
A lot of working parents (moms or dads) feel that since they work all day and the other parent is a stay at home parent, it’s all the stay at home parents job to take care of the house and kids. This is FALSE! Anyone who has been a stay at home parent knows that it’s a full time job, without pay. If he works all day, and you’re home all day, cooking, cleaning, doing laundry and taking care of the kids, you’re working full time too. At the end of the work day, everything should be split between the parents. Meaning, if he comes home to the laundry done, the house clean and dinner ready, he should realize you have worked all day as well. What you need to do is put your foot down. Get on a routine and stick to it. He works during the day, you cook/clean/laundry all day. When he gets home, the family has dinner together. After dinner, you do some TV time with the family, then while you bath the kids, he gets jammies and snack ready. You both tuck the kids in, then you spend an hour with just the two of you, shower and bed. If he isn’t willing to help at home, then you go get a job, put the kids in daycare/after school care. So when you both get home, you’ve both worked all day/all week, and he has zero excuses to help around the house and with the kids. Another alternative, is to go on strike. Stop cooking and cleaning and doing laundry. Just tend to the kids. And when he mentions it, you tell him you were busy with the kids and he can cook dinner/clean/do laundry. As for weekends, you can spend them as a family, or you can say Saturday is his relax day and Sunday is your relax day. You have to tell him how you feel, stand your ground and demand help and personal time.
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Tell him to step up. When he’s off work, he’s not “off”. He shifts from employee to dad/husband the second he walks through that door. Shoot, working moms don’t get off work and decide that they’re just not going to parent or be a wife (if they are one). We still have to come home, get everyone fed, clean, make sure homework is done, etc no matter how stressful work was. While he’s at work, it is your responsibility to feed and take care of your kiddo and clean up after them but the second he gets home, it’s no longer a you responsibility it’s a WE responsibility. You should not be doing 100% of the child rearing and home duties, even as a stay at home mom.
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I’m not jealous I’m pist off!!! I try to understand his side of things at the absolute very minimum he could at least try to understand my side of it
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I get this. A lot. But I work from home and still do all the domestic duties. When I have a day off, I go do something. I get out of the house. Try to, anyway. While my man’s at work. I just go mosie around somewhere, window shopping. Or visit a friend. It’s made me feel so much better!
You deserve days off too!
My boyfriend works. I’ve been off since January. My living child isn’t even his, he came into our lives when she was 7. When he gets home he still jumps in and helps with whatever needs done. Your partner is acting like he’s the only one working, which is crap. You may not be employed but you’re certainly not lazing about.
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Speak up or it gets worse. If he doesn’t change than id reconsider the relationship. Just because he works doesn’t mean he doesn’t have to parent. Playing for an hour isn’t enough. A moms job never ends.
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Iv been on both side working nd now staying home and 100% rather be at work that being said being the only only bringing money in is also very stressful maybe two of yous sit sown and talk about a plan for both of you
When I was a stay at home mom, my sons dad and I arranged time when he got off of work after showering and eating, I would leave for a minute. Just to go to the store, or take a drive. Take some time to myself. Plus I was doing online college so I felt like I was doing something for myself as well.
Have a conversation with him about how you need him to help with bath time, getting kids into pj, and into bed before he goes to bed. Or say, would you rather do the dishes and clean the kitchen or give the kids a bath and do the night routine? On the weekend tell him you will be leaving to do whatever you want to and then go. He will be forced to tsk care of the kids, even if he doesn’t clean the house, that’s a few hours you don’t have to worry about it
I told mine that I was going to work a few nights a week & he needed to spend time with the kids (I wait tables at night & he bartends during the day) & we don’t have a babysitter so he either leaves work early or has those days off.
He thought that I had it easy, then when I decided to work a few shifts a week shortly after being home with 2 kids he apologized to me for how easy he thought I had it being a SAHM.
Sooo, figure out a way for you to work a few shifts a week someplace. 
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When I went back to work, it felt like a vacation! I worked way harder at home, being on call 24/7 for every little thing, than I ever have, while on my feet, doing manual labor for 12 hour shifts. Staying at home is way harder work, and you deserve a break on his days off. If he objects, try getting a part time job on the weekends, and let him parent the kids without you for a few hours a week. The job will feel like a break for you.
Don’t stay home all day. You go get a job, you’ll get out then. Find a sitter or get one around his schedule if possible. You can get out and get a job, you’re not obligated to stay at home all day everyday. I use to stay home all day everyday for years and it had me in deep depression so I got a job and I’m soooo much better!!
Hmmm, I’d have to say what could you possibly do that takes up until midnight to do if 1 child is at school and the other is a newborn I’m guessing…
Just curious to know…
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All I can say is be positive! I did it with 3! I was proud to be able to stay home while my husband was gone! When he came home I catered him too! Make him feel like he is a king!! I did everything from house yard and car! He took care of his boat stuff! In the blink of an eye it will change!!! It’s only for a little while!! Time flies so fast!!! Then they are all gone on to their own lives! You have a job to raise those babies to be happy, healthy little beings!! Take pride in knowing how fulfilling your job is! Your husband doesn’t get to watch them grow as much as you do!!! Keep your chin up!!! I promise you will be rewarded in the long run!!! Hugs! I also had 3 sisters that would help with the kids and we took turns getting a break!
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It’s definitely unfair and unfortunately what most of us go through/deal with sadly . None of us like it , at least I don’t think anyone does but I could be wrong
It’s sad that most of us on here feel like having a job is like “ vacation “ look what we’ve been conditioned to think / feel . I know it all to well the few jobs I’ve had was so nice to get out the house make my own money and get a dam break from kids . Most of us get no help with anything and that’s what makes it so hard . But when a woman works outside the home the second she’s off work and goes home it’s back to work with no help while the man can relax cuz HEworked all day . What a joke
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Um, so here’s what got me out of a slump like that… getting a job and really just learning to give a shit about yourself. Once you feel more independent and he has to take care of them kids, you’ll feel better.
You don’t need to clean all day. And being a sahm mom does not mean you can’t ever leave and do things. He should also be helping more when he is home. Did you guys discuss expectations before agreeing to be a sahm? If not, you really need to sit down and talk about it.
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Don’t do all the housework. Then when something it said explain you’ve also worked all week and if he has a problem with it he can do it. Housework is a shared responsibility of the household. Me and my husband work full time with 2 children. Not everything needs doing every day. Your house can look lived in. It doesn’t have to be spotless. Also take some time out for yourself. Leave child with dad. Go out. Have a soak in the bath. Do something for you because otherwise one day you’re gonna crack.
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I was like that so I got a job too, to feel wanted and needed out side of home is a lovely feeling, yep my work load is doubled but getting out of the house for those few hours help alot. I milk cows, my partner is a stock truck driver so he is like never home
You need to have a nice long conversation with your partner about distribution of labor in your household. You cannot be expected to continue to pour from an empty teapot. You need time to fill yourself up. Seek couples counseling if you need guidance.
I would simply tell him. Weekends are for time off. So on Saturday he can enjoy his day off, and then on Sunday he can do it all while you enjoy a day off! This is what we always did when we had littles at home. And every single night I would let him get home, we would have dinner together, let him relax for maybe 30 minutes and then he would handle the kids while I took an hour to be alone, to have a bath, to go for a drive, to run errands alone without the kids, to go shopping, whatever I wanted for 1 hour every day.
If you haven’t had a conversation about this yet, do it.
I can totally relate. You sound just like how I get sometimes. Sometimes, you just have to try and remember that both of your jobs are hard. My hubby is a trucker who works 12-14 hours a day. He battles with extreme anxiety and depression and usually just wants to come home and relax. I used to get so mad at him for never wanting to help me, mostly because I felt trapped at home with the kids. My best advice is to get out of the house when you can and enjoy the time you have with your little one. Messes can wait. I’ve fallen in love with crock pot meals for the convenience. I wouldn’t want to miss out on the best days of my children’s lives just because I felt like my life revolves around cooking and cleaning 24/7. We won’t get this time back.
Good men are hard to find now. I hope he makes some changes for his family.
Put the youngest in a daycare and only work while they are in school, even its part time
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Felt this all to well been a stay at home mom for 7 years my husband works 7 days a week till dark I have 4 children my 7 year old and 5 year old are in school my 4 year old and 3 year old home with me at all times I don’t get a break I stay home 24/7 with my kids except maybe the park every once in a while!. It’s tough being a stay at home mom I would rather work but love watching my kids grown up into there own little person to!. And do all the House work 24/7 by myself laundry clean dishes all kids baths!. It’s hard sometimes but mamas can’t give up!
This comment section does not pass the vibe check. Talk to him about how your feeling if he doesnt care there is your proof no its not normal for you to bear the brunt of the workload. He helped create them he can help care for them job or no job he doesnt get to leave work and clock out of life for the day he is still responsible for work load at home as well as work its called life balance. Im sorry you are forced to care for 3 kids instead of 2
How many hours a day does he work if he comes home, eats, showers and goes to bed? Most have a few hours 4-5 before they need to go to bed. You also only have 1 child at home during the day.
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Just do what you can during the week and make the weekend for family. That’s how my husband and I did it
Hahahahahahahahahahaha leave the kids with him and go to the store.
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The one thing people don’t often tell us about is the mundane part of stay at home parent life that can very quickly feel like isolation from the real world.
Our SOs get out, sometimes have lunches with co workers, etc…and here we feel like we are just a blob mess full of puke and tears from tending to the children all day.
With that said, we are the ones who are experiencing that day in and day out…our SOs are missing out on many of those special moments. Even on those days when that is all it is, I encourage you to shower and put on a dash of lipstick because why not!
If you can find other moms to spend time with and get out of the house. Go for walks as often as you can with the littles, fresh air can do wonders.
I would suggest talking with your SO about how you feel without blaming or pointing fingers, it sounds like you both work hard and both deserve to have time outside with out the littles and perhaps a little time together as a family…or maybe if you can squeeze in a babysitter for a little bit, go grab some coffee or cocoa with your SO, even if just for an hour to find a way to reconnect a little. Stay strong!
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You’re not wrong for feeling like this. You deserve time for yourself just as much as he does. Just because you aren’t getting a paycheck doesn’t mean you aren’t putting in work. You are still a human being with feelings and needs. Find time for yourself. Talk to your husband. If he doesn’t seem to care or try to give you time you need, then you have a big decision to make. Your partner isn’t supposed to make things all about them. And they certainly don’t make things harder for the one they claim to love.
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It’s completely normal and I was feeling the exact same way at a point. Have the conversation…. Our sons 4 now and I’m the working parent while Dad stays home 
Go get a job. I stayed at home for 15 years because I thought that was what was best for my family. I didn’t realize how unhappy I was UNTIL the opportunity to go back to work came about. I should have gotten at least a part time job YEARS AGO!!
What you’re feeling is valid and justified. Do NOT sit back and continue to allow it to fester. Stop doing all the extra stuff for him and when it goes undone and he has an issue you can use that opportunity to explain to him how you feel. You aren’t a maid or a chef or a housekeeper. You’re a mom to the kids and a PARTNER to him. If he’s looking for those other things then y’all don’t need to be engaged… Y’all need to sign employment contracts and work out an acceptable salary.
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normal but find something you love and do it.
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He needs to step up and help to. Whoncares if he has a job cause he has a family as well
You may as well be single cause no amount of money is worth that
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I hate when men say oh i work all week i shouldn’t have to do anything I’m tired. What do you think single dads do? You think they have an invisible cleaning fairy at home doing their laundry and cleaning? No they have to do it all. If you’re only asking for a couple chores here and there then he should be doing it without hesitation. You shouldn’t even have to ask. If he sees something wasn’t done that day, do it!! Contribute! Men like that i have no patience for. I am not your mother, clean your own shit and make your own food then I’ll just cook for me and the kids 
Normal least he’s working look around and appreciate what u have…do something about it a course a job go out 4 lunch etc
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Most mums would feel like that most days as a stay at home mother. I do too. Your work gets unnoticed or is just expected. I remind myself everyday im blessed with the role i play in my kids life.
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I know how you feel. Being a military members wife, my husband would get deployed 6 month to a year. I would be taking care of everything 24/7 while he got nights and weekends off to go do whatever he wanted. Leave the kids with him every other weekend and go somewhere with friends. You shouldn’t be stuck doing it all.
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And btw, my husband was never deployed to a war zone.
Feelings are valid…if he watches the kids for the “hour” you say he does…then you leave and thats YOUR time. Get a work from home job. Put the other kid in day care for a few hours, hire a sitter, MAKE the time for yourself.
Go back to work you’ll feel better!
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Do what I did. Make him take a vacation time for a few days and leave him with the kids and a note of their schedule and your daily tasks tell him in the note when you will be back and turn your phone off. He will call and complain and ask you to come back the whole time your gone don’t answer let him do it. Let him see that you do more than he does every day and he needs to help more. You are a nurse a maid a teacher your a cook and a mom and so much more and you get paid nothing with no breaks.
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I think you should get a job lol then he’ll have to help 
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what works for my husband and me is this… when my husband gets home from work, parenting/house work is 50/50. his job is outside of the house and mine is in. therefore—mainly bc we have toddlers—when he comes home, everything that needs to be done, we do together. for example if there’s a load of laundry that needs to be put away, clean up after dinner, etc. we tag team that ish. when he’s at work, i handle all that i can and try to get as much done BEFORE he comes home and not just leave crap all day for him to do with me… a stay-at-home mom IS a job. it’s a 24/7 job. my husband’s job is 8hrs/five days a week + whatever over time he gets. so yeah. we’re splitting MY job once he’s finished with his. this is something we’ve discussed together and agreed upon. he joyfully does his part as my helper, husband and father. to each their own… this is just what works for us.
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Being a stay at home mom/wife is your job. If you’re getting tired of it, hire a babysitter and go back to work. Then you guys can share the duties since you’re both working outside the house.
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You could get a p/t job @ nights.
I have been both a working mom and stay at home mom. But I also worked 2 jobs. All I can say is both roles are not easy. But we do it for our families.
Being jealous is totally normal. But what is it that you’re looking for? A social life? Your own money? Or just be seen? Because I’m sure he’s very grateful for all that you do. You sound like a great mom. But being the only provider financially is extremely difficult and has all it’s own stress. And being a mom who does it all is also very stressful.
Get a part time job during the weekends. “That guy” can take care of the baby since he doesn’t have to work then. That will give you a little time away from the house.
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Working. Is. Not. Time. Out!!!
Good gravy.
You spend time home raising and seeing your kids all the time, watching their milestones and growth. You could go out any time you wanted.
He has deadlines, requirements, rules, shifts, bosses down his neck. You don’t.
Work is tiring.
There is no way you’re busy until midnight every single day and cannot find some time for a hobby or to breathe. Especially once that second one goes to school.
If you don’t like the way things go, then adjust something. Leave the dishes, vacuuming, dusting, etc for tomorrow and take today.
He deserves his time to relax too.
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I don’t think you’re jealous. I think you’re becoming resentful. He needs to learn that work doesn’t absolve him of husband, father, and environment duties. He has more roles than a provider. Your relationship is doomed if this isn’t worked out soon.
He should be helping and keeing the kids on the weekends so yoiu have your own time. Just because he worker doesn’t mean he can’t help at home.