I am really struggling lately. My son’s father and I split up when our son was about 10 months old. We had been together for 7 years and I discovered he was cheating on me (with prostitutes). He told me the reason he cheated was because I was fat, unattractive, and disgusting. Fast forward a couple years. We are legally divorced and have 50/50 custody. He’s an awesome dad, but hasn’t been able to get financially stable since we split and he’s been living with his mother ever since and is always trying to convince me that I don’t NEED child support. I am now engaged to a man I believe to be my soulmate. He truly loves me for who I am, and doesn’t care about my size, and still thinks I’m attractive/sexy. However, he’s not a “kid guy”. We have been together about a year and a half. My son is now 2 1/2 and has quite the attitude. I’ll be the first to admit, I’m a pushover and let him get away with a lot. I guess I just always thought I would have his father around to help me with discipline/raising our boy. My fiance gets super frustrated that I let a toddler walk all over me and control my life. However, he doesn’t feel he has the right to discipline since he’s not his dad. I guess in the end my question is should I stay with the man of my dreams even though he doesn’t get a long with my son, or should I leave and eventually settle for someone like my ex, who doesn’t treat me right, but adores my kiddo?? Any thoughts/suggestions would be helpful. Our wedding is in less than 6 months and if I need to call it off, I’d prefer to do it sooner rather than later.
Can’t you do it alone without a man if the dude don’t like your kid why would you allow that? Your kid comes first my mom did that to me and my brother put dudes before her kids, I promise your kids will grow up not respecting you if you don’t change discipline your kid because letting him do whatever he wants is wrong they have to learn and who do they learn from if not you? Change or the you will not like the consequences
Do not marry a man that won’t love your child/children…EVER!
Um NEITHER!!! You should be with someone who respects you and your child. Is this a serious question?!
You need to get the image out of your head that everyone who will accept your child is a knob…there are many decent men out there who will love your little boy just because he loves you that much… When you had your baby I bet you promised to protect him from all harm… That includes men you may bring into his life… Try talking to your partner first but if he cannot step up then you need to step away from him… Goodluck
I wouldn’t give up on the guy just yet if you really love him. Try giving him a chance to be a dad, to have fun with your kiddo and even discipline him
Maybe he isn’t a “kid person” because he’s never been around them. If you think he’s never going to like your son or be a good step-dad then I agree with everyone else. If you want to get married you are going to have to co-parent with him so might as well practice now.
You’re actual soul mate would love your kid and you. There is no real reason to settle for either option you gave…if you’re gonna marry someone they need to love you and your child not one or the other that’s not ok…
Find someone who will love both you and your child.I did and have been with him 30 yrs. and she is 31 and loves her Daddy even though she’s not his.Talk to your boyfriend about it first though ,cause if he is gonna be a part of both of your lives,he will have to step up cause you will need his help.
Your son comes first and if your fiance isn’t a kid guy why are you two engaged to begin with? It’s okay to be alone and you don’t have to settle for less than what you AND your son deserve. Coming from someone who’s been on both sides of the spectrum if someone’s going to love you theyre going to love your child just as much, and kids AREN’T always pleasant and wonderful just like we aren’t always pleasant and wonderful, if he thinks your son is a “problem” that needs to be dealt with its time to take out the trash. I hope it all works out for the best for you but seriously consider what kind of effect this relationship will have on your son in the long run.
When my boyfriend and I first got together my oldest was a terror (2.5 and I just had her baby sister 2 months prior, longer story about the whole situation) … anyways she wouldn’t listen to me one night wouldn’t stay in bed, screaming and crying and I finally had enough and asked him to step in and get her to listen, after we had been dating a few months and he had started spending the weekends, took a few nights of him putting her to bed did she start going on her own… she was a whole new kid cause she looked up to him (she is a bio daddies girl) and she still likes him better than me at age 4… establish your kid comes first but if the child’s behaviour causes household problems they should be adressed… you have to have the conversation with your fiancee NOW, if it’s just the way your son behaves than allow him to step in with the discipline correctly and try and make your child less defiant or you need to do it before it becomes a huge problem (and I personally don’t think the step parent should be allowed to spank with out bio parent present) … you have more options than the two you provided always… best of luck.
If he doesnt like or get along with your kid, hes not your soulmate
If fiancé doesn’t get along with your son now , he will not change after the marriage… call it off
NEVER EVER EVER SETTLE!! You will get BOTH one day- with the RIGHT MAN!
Not your soulmate if he can’t get along with your kid. He should treat that baby like his own
It has nothing to do with him “not getting along with your son” his frustration is you with your lack to put your foot down and be a mother. At no point in reading that did I get that he doesnt like your son. He has every right to feel he cant discipline him because he doesnt belong to him but that doesnt mean he doesnt like him. Step up and discipline your kid and stop being a push over.
Your son comes firts over anyone even if its your dream guy. He dont need all that bs from him, hes so small.
The fact you are even having to ask just makes me smh to be honest. There is someone who can do both. Until you find him don’t settle. Don’t get married to this guy otherwise if you do you are not a mom if you ask me.
I would say the man of your dreams will love your kid. Youve found the one to show what you dont want in your ex again.
I wouldn’t be with someone who isn’t a “kid person” but it might not be that at all. His frustrations may make it seem like he isn’t but maybe hes upset with the lack of actual parenting. I know you love your son but love needs guidance and you’re raising a man there. If you can’t trust him to discipline then you should get out, if you can then let him help you. He is a parent now too so let him be.
Move on from your fiance and do not go back to your ex. My daughter went through something like this and she found her happy within herself. She has raised two fabulous boys on her own. Please find your happy!
If he loves you, he will love your children. Talk to him about it and have a good long talk. You come with a child, not being a “kid guy” is not an option. If you love me, you love all of me and my children are the biggest part of me. If he can’t agree to step up and be a step father to your child then I think it’s time to re-think spending the rest of your life with this man…
Never, ever choose a man over your child.
If he doesn’t like your kid now there’s a chance he never will. My husband’s mom married a guy when he was about 5ish. He tried to get along tried to do things with his new dad but constantly got shut down. The husband didn’t not get along with my husband and pretty much treated him like shit while his kids got nice shit my husband got sent to a group home (many times) still to this day they don’t get along. It ruined the relationship between him and his mom… needless to say a man is not worth the connection with your kids.
For everyone bashing her for the man being frustrated that he lets her child walk all over her you sound ridiculous. He has every right since he will be spending the rest of his life with you. So you need to start setting boundaries with your child and not let him get away with whatever he wants because that’s gonna put a strain on the relationship you have with ANYBODY
From the limited information presented, it doesnt sound like he isnt a kid guy, it sounds hes frustrated that ur raising a brat. Trust me, i was a single parent for 7 years and my son walked ALL over me thanks to family who felt it was ok to overstep me when i tried to discpline/correct him…my son is 9 now and an absolute terror most days bc im finally able to put my foot down without being overstepped. My boyfriend has been in the picture for over a year and he takes on the role of dad bc hes the man in our household. Trust me, having a 9 year old terror is horrible.
Honestly, some people need to build up a tolerance for kids. I never wanted kids and couldn’t stand them. My husband did want kids and is great with kids and we now have two. One of which is 2 so I know what you are going through. It is frustrating. But I love my kids and my nieces and nephews. You need to talk with him. Are you okay with him disciplining your son? I’m sure he would be If he is planning on being the step father.
For one, if you and your ex have 50/50 you DON’T need nor are you entitled to child support you take care of the child during your time and he does the same on his time. For two, there isnt enough informed detail here. Does he legit not like your child or does he just not like that you’re raising a brat? If he legitimately doesn’t like your children HOW IN TF, AS A MOTHER IS THAT EVEN A QUESTION OF WHAT TO DO. If it’s just because you’re raising a hell spawn maybe you should learn to parent better.
Sounds like you didn’t find your true soulmate… find someone who’s going to love you and love your son just as much! No need to settle girl.
Seems like you also need to be more stern with your child and learn some boundaries.
First of all your child should Always be your number one priority. Regardless of any situation. As for your fiancé he shouldve known what he was getting himself into. He started dating a woman who is a single mom. The fact that he doesn’t like kids that’s a red flag in a relationship where they’re kids. Why would you say yes to marrying him before these issues are resolved? As a mother a child needs to be discipline. It’s up to both parents to teach their child right from wrong and to be respectful towards others. Your fiancé needs to take into consideration that he will be a step dad. He needs to also start to discipline your child when needed. Since you’ve already been married you should know that marriage involves team work and communication. If your fiancé is not willing to take a part in your son life than he should’ve thought about this before he started dating u and definitely before he purpose to you. Just my opinion it seems like you, your son and fiancé should go get professional help to get these problems resolved. You don’t want to get married with any negative issues. That’s not a positive way to start off a marriage. I really hope everything works out for your family.
You should do neither of those. Find a man who loves you AND your kid.
My child will always come before anyone else. You don’t have to settle for a man who doesn’t treat you right. You don’t have to settle for someone who dislikes your child. Find someone who treats you & your child right.
He’s a parent also he should be reassured by you that he can discipline and teach him to be respectful not like he wants to beat him. He just wants to see you child raised to gave respect for others
Well, Wouldn’t the man of your dreams be all about you and your kid? You cannot say he is the man of your dreams if he is not a kid kind of guy.
Your kid should be more important than your So (when not the bio dad)
If yoh have 50/50 you dont need child support, and if you DO need it, you need to have less time with the kid. Thats absolutely bullshit he still has to pay when he has the child 50% of the time.
Girl, you know you wont be Happy, no matter how hard you try. A "real"mother will never be truly happy if her child isn’t treated as the own child by the partner. Wait til the real Mr Right comes along.
Your ex is a piece of shit, I’d laugh straight in his face if a man said that to me. God knows he’s not perfect. Do not settle. You owe it to yourself and your little baby. If a man truely loves you then when you talk about something you need he should be there like you would most likely be there for him. You don’t deserve any less. Maybe don’t go just looking for love, focus on you and your boy and the right one will come along❤
So you’d rather leave a good,man because you cant seem to discipline your child? Makes sense…
Your a package deal always I dont think your current man has a problem with kids so much as he has never had to handle them, the fact that he talks about it with you means he has an interest and that’s always good, that being said should you want future children and he doesnt that could be an issue. My man has to deal with my older 2 that are not his the youngest adores him and the oldest is always in trouble but even I know she bring that on herself, just that age. He gets frustrated but keeps going. So maybe better to have a talk about what you want in your lives and not about how you feel about eachother, stops being about you when they are born after all.
Get the hell outta here man. Should i make my kid suffer and feel unloved is what you’re essentially asking.
If he doesnt like your kid why are tou even with him?
There is someone out there who will be a loving boyfriend and father figure. And is willing to discuss with both parents what limits are for discipline
If you have 50/50 custody then you don’t need child support. All things the child needs (clothes, diapers if not potty trained, etc) should be split between you two. I completely understand not being with someone who treats you like shit. Don’t settle for someone that doesn’t like your child. You need to discipline NOW or when he gets older you will have more trouble on your hands.
So first of all you can’t let a child control your life and walk all over you. If he is only irritated because the child has no discipline then you need to step up as a parent and discipline your child. You’re his mom not his friend. Now if the guy just truly doesn’t like kids and isn’t going to ever like your son then you need to leave him. You can’t be happy with someone who isn’t going to love your child.
The fact that you’re questioning your choice between a man and your child tells me that you have no business raising your son. Let his dad have him. Disgusting.
If I have to choose you will loose! No one, NO one comes between me and my child. The takeaway here is you need parenting classes. If the child is ruler of the roost at 2 and you recognize and allow it, you need help for his well being, how is he to grow into a healthy disciplined self sufficient adult without the proper tools
I would say they’re both dickheads but you’re the biggest dickhead out of the 3 of you!!! Not even why would you even consider and be in love with someone who doesn’t like your child but how can you be in love with someone who doesn’t like your child, it’s not even up for debate in my mind his bags would be packed and he’d be kicked out the door quicker than he walked in it… also you don’t have to “settle” for someone like your ex there are more than those 2 types of men in the world but the main thing that gets me is you would spend your life with someone who would quite clearly make your child’s a misery!!! Baffles me!! Every child goes through their stages of attitude and frustration it’s called parenthood love suck it up and don’t blame your kid that your boyfriend is a wanker
Get out while the getting is good
If he doesn’t like your child, then why are you even thinking about marrying him ???
Maybe look for a guy who accepts the fact that you’re a Mom? I get the feeling that some of the wording you chose is influenced by the man you’re currently with. Toddlers are meant to be kids. An “attitude” is them showing in individuality. They grow out of it Momma Bear. If he don’t want kids, or like being around them: then maybe you are not for him. In the meantime, you got a child to worry about. You are that kid’s world. Remember that next time you look to date.
Sounds like you want to put your needs and wants above your son. He’s 2 you need to teach him. Trying being single until you find someone who loves BOTH of you.
If you’re asking I think you know the answer
If he has 50-50 why should he pay support? Did I miss something?
Is this for real if you have doubts already then he is not your soul mate
If he doesn’t love the child that 've from your body, he’s NOT your soulmate! Dump him now.
the baby comes first — it’s a package deal.
if they can’t accept the babies, they don’t get the relationship… pretty simple.
This isn’t even a question
You can find someone who not only treats your right but loves your child as well it shouldn’t have to be one or the other
Simple answer leave, your son is your priority 100%
Not some bloke who couldn’t give a shit about him.
Doesn’t sound like the “man of your dreams” to me. Move along. You’ll thank us later.
The children should always come first. He is 2 1)2 how can he walk all over you. If you question your parenting get some guidance. You don’t have to stay a push over.
If he doesn’t love or respect your child like he should then he ain’t your soulmate. If this was me I’d be saying see you later as my child 100% comes before anyone or anything.
I was attempting to keep my post short, but after reading everyon’e comments, it seems you need more details. Fist off, custody with bio dad is 9 nights w/ me then 5 with him. 9/5/9/5. That’s how it is split up for spending the night. However, my former MIL (who my ex lives with) is our son’s daily childcare. She retired shortly after he was born and offered to take care of him free of charge. Therefore, because he lives with his mother, he still gets to see our son everyday, even if it’s not his day to have him. I provide all diapers, but our son has a full wardrobe and set of toys at both houses. I THINK the reason I was given child support is because of the fact that my ex is military and was gone a total of 5 months out of the year in 2016 (the year before we split). If/when he leaves the military I believe we are planning on reevaluating child support at that time. Next, I have known my fiance my whole life (since I was about 10). He was an acquaintance of my family growing up. I know he would never physically hurt me or my child. When I say he’s not a “kig guy” that is in reference to the fact he has absolutely NO EXPERIENCE with children. None of his own and no neices or nephews or much younger cousins or anything like that. He’s never changed a diaper. Never strapped a kid in a car seat. Never been solely responsible for a child at any point in his life. My toddler’s attitude is fairly recent and I am still trying to figure out how to get it/him in check. I have been trying to communicate with his bio dad on how we both should be disciplining in the same ways so that we are consistent and attempting to stick to a similar schedule at both houses, but he doesn’t feel like our kiddo has an attitude at his house (this may be because his grandma spends more time with him than his bio dad). Or could be because my kiddo can tell I’m a pushover and is intentionally being extra sassy because of that. This is my first and only child and I am still trying to learn how to raise him well, and I know women do it by themselves all the time, but when he has 2 “father figures” in his life, I feel it should be a team effort and we should all be on the same page. My fiance has never said he dislikes my child. However, he really dislikes his behavior. My son is supper rough with the pets even though I’ve been trying to teach him gentle touch pretty much since he was born. He’s also very rough on me, hitting, kicking, scratching, etc… My fiance has admitted he is afraid to even touch my son much less discipline him. As i’m sure most of you moms know, toddlers hurt themselves frequently (falling down, bumping furniture, bonking their heads, etc…) and my fiance is worried that my ex will call CPS if my son ever get “hurt” on his watch. So it’s almost like he avoids getting near him, so theres’s o chance of anyone accusing him of anything. My fiance was raised getting spanked and thinks that I need to start spanking, but I feel like his bio dad should agree with that type of discipline before I start doing it. I really hadn’t decided if I was going to spank or not, because I always thought I would have a partner to help me make decisions when it came to that aspect of parenting. I ask him every once in a while if he loves my son, and he always says “not yet”. He has said multiple times that once my boy is older and able to communicate what he wants /needs betterr, he thinks that things will get better then. He keeps saying he just needs more time. So hopefully this helps clear some things up.
P.S. To those who said my son would be better off without me, do you really think he would be better off with a guy that still lives with his mom, disrespected his wife/family by cheating, and spends his money on prostitutes, but doesn’t want to pay child support? Just saying…
So the dude it scared basically
A good idea for discipline, since it seems to be just you, is everytime he does these things put him in a safe space. Pillows, books, quiet toys and say I see you’re frustrated maybe we need some quiet time and redirect to something calm. Toddlers are hard but yes I think there needs to be more discipline on everyones parts and the ex and fiance need to have an understanding on what’s acceptable and what’s not so your fiance feels comfortable disciplining as you all see fit.
Sticking with my original advice to ‘stay single’. If the fiancé is meant to be, he can wait. The love of my life and I took 30 years to finally be together. Your SON is first.
You don’t settle, you find one who does both. Now with that being said my BF will not discipline my kids unless I ABSOLUTELY need help or he is watching them for me. They aren’t his. He did quit drinking to date me. We met and I told him I will not date another man who drinks. Feb 1st will be 2 yrs sober! If they want you they will change and see your side.
Teach your son to respect you and others, before he becomes a man… because he will act just like his father. Raise a gentleman, not a brat.
If he is in your life he is in your child’s. Does he want to engage? Trust him and let him
Domt be with someone who doesnt love your child. And canceling doesnt mean settling. I had 2 daughters when I met my soulmate. He’s an amazing dad to all 3 of our girls and me. And he was more than worth the wait.
No matter what your child come first