How do you react or respond to catching your spouse watching a person of the opposite sex in a sexual way?

Watching porn is not freaking cheating!

As long as he’s not talking to girls to get videos and it’s actual porn from a site let him do his thing as long as he’s only talking to and touching you

You have to decide what you are willing to live with. You stated your sexual needs are different then one another.

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Watch it with him. There’s this game called “loopy” on Amazon and it’ll get u guys talking and open too try different things. Ppl all over the world open sexual desires into there relationship and it’s either eye opening and life changing or it breaks them apart
Be open.

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This a trick question :joy:

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Honestly, watching videos is one thing and actually cheating is another. I wouldn’t be bothered by this personally. All men do it. Woman do to! It’s not a sin :roll_eyes: I would rather him watch that then be out sleepig with another woman. It’s a video/photo :video_camera: even watch it with him might turn him on, or spicy up your sex life :woman_shrugging: if your not into it as him that may be your issue. Watching a video an getting off isn’t a horrible thing :woman_shrugging:

Counseling. It’s very common to become disconnected with your partner, it takes work on both ends. Right now for him it’s easier to get his needs met by watching porn, I’m not justifying it, just calling it out for what it is. You two need to find out how to reconnect.

Leave him n find a real man

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If he continues to do ot after u have expresses ur feelings then u need to make some hard decisions. My ex husband did this all the time and it broke me. I’m remarried and have set boundaries

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Pornography isn’t Healthy and isn’t setting a healthy standard for women in general. Fuck that and fuck him

Ur mad about porn ? But you deny him sex ?

You guys need to seek marriage counseling. It will help alot! You both obviously feel like needs from each other are not being met. You seem like a lot of emotional needs are not being met which is leading you to be more distant. I am this way with my husband if my emotional needs aren’t met by him. I don’t purposely with hold sex from him. I just don’t realize it sometimes until he even says “hey, I feel like you haven’t been meeting things I need. Can we fix that?” You just both need to admit you both mess up and maybe don’t realize it sometimes and fix it. It will take time. But if that is your boundary and he knows it, he is 100% cheating then in your eyes. Your feelings are valid. Try the 5 love languages book too at home. And read a book called boundaries. I did in my marriage and it has helped a lot. We did marriage counseling on top it helped too. You don’t seem like you want to leave, you just need to figure out what you two can do to fix this funk you guys are in. He’s making you more insecure and that’s not okay. You both need to start doing something nice for each other daily. You can even just start by maybe getting his coffee in the morning, putting a note in his lunch bag, telling him he’s handsome, and he can start doing those same things to you as well. Talk to him about it. Good luck!

A sex therapist would be VERY beneficial for both of you!

Let the poor man have his porn.

If he is looking at that crap where you can catch him you need to ask yourself what he’s doing but not getting caught at!

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Boundaries are an inside job. Only you know what you are comfortable with! I personally don’t really mind porn. And if he’s more sexual than you, and tends to want have sex more and you don’t- it could be viewed as an alternative because obviously you shouldn’t do anything when you aren’t wanting to, but it also helps close the gap on his needs. That’s my personal opinion though if it were me- but it’s not. The problem here is you set boundaries and he crossed them. Maybe therapy?

It doesn’t sound like you have tried to understand his needs at all. You are solely focused on yourself. I’m not saying adult videos are the answer because if they make you uncomfortable then he should respect that. BUT when you acknowledge that he is more sexual than you are, what are you doing to keep that spark with him? Are you truly listening to him and what he feels? You need to reconnect intimately or it will just create more tension in your relationship.

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Ok, there isn’t enough info here

Is he watching videos that other women send him of themselves, or is he watching porn? If it is porn is it normal viewing or a porn addiction?

Watching porn normally isn’t cheating. If you think it is y’all need some serious serious help. There is seriously some control/self esteem issues in play here if that is that case If he was obsessively watching it, or talking to someone in real life I would say oh hell no, you got cause. But it sounds like your trying to turn a very sexual person into a not sexual person, like yourself. That… doesn’t work. You can’t police his orgasms and if you want to that’s a problem. There is nothing wrong with masterbation :woman_shrugging:t3:

This is…worded in a way that makes me believe it is normal viewing, not addiction. So I’m answering with that in mind.

Make your own homemade porn videos for him to watch when you ain’t in the mood :rofl:

A lot of women have an issue with this. Personally, my opinion is let him look, hes experimenting himself by watching different things and perhaps is watching to try new things with his love. Of course, that’s only my opinion. I see it like… oh he seems to like blondes a lot… he comes home and I have a new blonde wig, waiting for him and he can’t keep his hands off ME. It’s still me in that desire, in that want. Or Oh, he seems to watch a lot of a certain scenario (public benches, movies, whatever scene he perfers). Ok, so maybe we try some role playing. If the cycle is disturbing to you though, and you feel as if it’s disrespectful, then hunny… it is! But before you loose too much respect for him as your husband, don’t forget that he’s more sexual and your less sexual… and he’s finding the most innocent way to release himself, therefore still physically staying faithful to you. Im not saying to give in to feeling disrespected and start buying him porn, but maybe just letting him watch sexy women doing sexy things and stay away from it when he does. Everyone deserves Personal time, it’s noones business what you choose to do with that time.

Just let the man
Jack off lol. It’s something we all do and shouldn’t have to hide it or be ashamed by it tbh

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Men and women have needs. If you are not meeting his needs, what is he suppose to do? He is not physically cheating, he isnt talking to othet women. Seems u just want him to stop feeling sexual because you did. Very unfair. He keeps coming to you for physical attention, therefore he loves u, and is still attracted to you. You need to seek professional help to see whats going on with your lack if intimacy. Professionsl help or counceling for both of you to come to an understanding of whats going, and how to fix it or how to move forward. It is quite illogical for you to feel only ur feelings, and demands matter. Imagine he wrote a post on one of his men groups saying how disconnected he is from you, because you are cold. How he has to find ways to release himself, and hide it from you. Imagine he just talked about you not being sexually attracted to him, and the lack of intimacy period. Imagine people telling him to RUN from you as he would only be contemplating an unhappy life if he stayed. It goes both ways, and u must put yourself in both of yall shoes.

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So my husband is a very sexual person. During the last 10 years we’ve had dry spells that were caused by me! I was having a hormone imbalance. I would definitely go to the doctor yourself and get your hormone levels checked. A lot of birth controls can take a woman’s desire for sex. If you are on any birth control maybe switch it to something different and see if that helps.

I think that depends if you read Romance books. It you can read explicit scenes in a book that paint a clear picture then get mad at him for watching essentially the same crap then you are a hypocrite. If you dont and it hurts you knowing he is watching even after you have talk to him then you either need couples therapy or a new man.

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Personally, I think it’s ridiculous to consider watching porn CHEATING. That’s extreme. And with todays set up, we all walk around with access in the palm of our hands for free … most men are definitely gonna take advantage and watch . You making it a big deal just makes them wanna hide it . Honestly don’t know ANYONE male or female who never watches any kind of it lol . Especially when you don’t have a crazy sex drive like him … if you ain’t in the mood , then what’s the harm in him handling it himself ?

Men have needs to! Reassure him that hes safe covey those needs and show him you want to be there for him.
Just like we need to feel safe then do to

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Your boundaries are yours to have, but finding someone that fully understands and respects them, is another story and difficult to do.
Starring at a screen to reach sexual gratification can be bad—especially if it’s done way more than actually being with another human. The lone viewer is in full control of the experience which is just one of the problems—since none of this simulates real life. There’s studies that men even begin to experience ED when with another human, opposed to when they use their flat screen — because, they have full control, there’s no one else to be considerate of with their needs, desires, etc. Bet this does wonders on the potential of developing any kind of fulfilling relationship and love, let alone with any levels of loyalty or integrity.
…The internet, man… :blue_heart:

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“He has needs” well has he tried being romantic or just bringing up sex. This is something people need to understand, there’s people who need to feel genuine love when they want to be intimate, not everyone just wants to screw or get one off. Learn your partners love language, or find out what’s going on if they aren’t wanting to be intimate. Going behind your partners back and doing things that make them uncomfortable isnt going to help any situation…

If your not meeting his needs sexually and that’s all he’s doing… it’s not fair to acknowledge your wants / desires and leave him with nothing. Is it overly sexual? Or are you just lacking sex drive which makes it seem like much more?

So he has to suffer cause you’re not desiring sex rn? How you think that makes him feel? It’s just porno

Not really sure why you are upset. It is just a video. You have to learn to meet in the middle. If you aren’t willing to have a sexual relationship then you have to understand if he is viewing porn. :woman_shrugging: I mean you won’t even say porn so that is concerning.

My husband used to watch it. I didn’t like it. But eventually he said he would prefer pics of me than porn. I have hardly any sex drive. It’s frustrating for him and alot of times I feel bad about it. I try but sometimes it’s not good enough. So he has tons of pics of me he likes. He used to be very pushy about sex which caused issues in our relationship and he finally understood that’s why I wasn’t into it as much. After he worked on that I was more attracted to him and wanted sex more. How I ended up pregnant again. Right now being pregnant my sex drive is a 0 but he tries to understand. But people are right. He does have needs. And it’s not his fault your sex drive is low. If he loves you he will understand but he also just can’t be done with sex either that’s not fair to ask.

So you don’t want səx so neither should he? Grow up :grimacing:

First of all, dont listen to the girls saying just let him. Or that you are insecure. They are ok with stuff and you arnt. You have every right to not be ok with whatever you please. If you have already expressed that you are uncomfortable with it and he still does it, he doesn’t respect you and he will continue to do it unless there are consequences.

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My response??? Watch it with him I don’t know lmao I watch porn waayyy more than hubs does

Oh mine watches 3somes.and shit it honestly make me unattractive to him and slowly I’ll get sick of it it’s fked

so you want him to respect your body and mind by leaving you without sex. great. but he can’t take care of his own sexual needs?? sounds like you’re being selfish. he’s within the boundaries of the relationship. leave him to spank the monkey sheesh

Let him watch sexy videos. It’s either that or have more sex.

He isnt cheating on you. Your not listen to him and his needs. Its not all about ur feelings and your needs. Your hushand has feelings and needs to.

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Most men watch porn lol even if you ask them not to they will anyway. Or maybe sometimes they won’t but masterbation is normal and we all have needs. Sorry it makes you uncomfortable though, it does for me too xx

In my opinion it’s not appropriate for your husband to be looking at porn whether you meet his needs in the bedroom or not. Your husband made a commitment to you jist as you have made a commitment to him. I think you should talk to your husband and ask him what it is about those movies that he likes. See if the two of you can come to some kind of compromise so his needs are being met. Also, maybe go to the doctor for your own libido issues, it could be a hormonal issue.

Lol watching p**rn is not cheating :rofl::joy_cat::woman_facepalming:t3: let him do his thing

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Personally… and you may hate this. If I experienced a drop in my sex drive ( I have a very high one) and felt pestered. I would be HAPPY he was watching porn. He can do his Lil thing and I can be left alone. As long as everything else in the relationship was going good.

Don’t close your eyes…let it be me…your making love to… Keith Whitney…said it well…when a man or woman watches porn…they are not making love to you…but the lady or man that they just watched in the porn movie…you may be getting the ride of a lifetime while making love to this individual…but in reality…it was not you they where making love to…at all …

It’s according to the porn. If basic porn ( heterosexual,lesbian) I don’t see a problem. However, if he’s watching the dark side of porn (bdsm, beastiality ) I would have a big problem. You really should pick your battles. Be careful being to controlling or he will start hiding stuff better.

Porn is not cheating.

Offer to take some boudoir photos for him to look at instead.

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Look at men pictures and tell him that you thought that might be helpful for you…

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I’m in the same situation. Its hard. Hard to have a conversation hard to be around him hard to even like him anymore hard to trust witch in turn makes it harder to love him. If we didn’t have kids I would have been gone long times ago!

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I don’t like porn either… but come on. If your sex drive is low his is high… just be happy he’s not cheating for real. It’s just porn and every guy will sneak it if he’s not getting sex. Js

He is addicted to pornography. He will not get better unless he wants too

I wouldn’t like it either, but if I couldnt meet his sexual drive, I’d rather him pleasure himself with a little visual aide than have him look for the real deal. As long as he isn’t choosing self pleasure over me. Just my opinion. :woman_shrugging:t3:

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I swear I could have written this post - my drive is minimal, has been since the birth of our son 4years ago, he’s honestly a nymph when it comes to sex :joy: and to be quite honest, I’d rather him do that than cheat on me. It’s not cheating, especially if you can’t give him the intimacy he wants. Woman always harp about their own needs, what about his? That’s not fair

Most men watch porn!

He’s watching it through a screen…. He isn’t physically there!! If he was physically there then it would be cheating or messaging other women and deleting the messages. I think your all good in the cheating department.

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He’s a cheater…or likely to be … cut the cheetah loose

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Ok first off hate to break it to y’all because I know how normalized all this shit is nowadays if someone feels porn is cheating it is you’re literally lusting after and watching / getting off to another persons naked body when you a have a significant other. That being said if your cool with that then let your man lust after them all you want. If this woman is insecure it’s because he made her that way by cheating/getting off to other women. Every relationship is different and I’m tired of people putting other women down for demanding respecting theirselves and their commitment they made with their spouse . To the poster , babygirl hate to say this but you know you deserve better

If you don’t like him looking at other women, as I totally understand then have you tried sending your own provocative pictures he could “sort himself” out too or maybe when you are in the mood let him video you both, if your not comfortable with that then maybe it’s something you could work up to :woman_shrugging: I’m sure he’d love being the star in his own show than watching someone else and that way your trying find a compromise for you both, just an idea :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

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Porn isnt cheating but U need to workout ur insecurities and why porn makes u feel that way.
Then need to sit down and have a full open conversation with ur partners on why u feel that way.
He is ur partner and he shouldnt disregard ur feelings but u cant just disregard his feelings and his needs either!
Its a two way street with two different point of views.
Good luck

I don’t understand people who think porn is cheating :rofl::rofl: be secure in yourself and know that he is with you. And if he is obviously trying to still sleep with you then that’s not a problem. The problem you should look at is why your sex drive is so low. I know some meds can affect that but there are pills for women now! And you should talk to your doc about that.

Watch it with him, it might help u get in the mood… Ur lucky enough that he still loves u n finds u sexually attractive, a lot of men would of gone the latter route n actually cheated with another woman to meet their needs n desires…

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Not everyone is comfortable with their partner looking at porn or other women’s sexy videos and those feelings are valid.

However you could maybe try to work on your libido. Also make him some videos of you for when you’re not in the mood. Then he can watch those instead.

I know this feeling. May I suggest watching a little something naughty by yourself. Some thing YOU like. No one has to know. Entice yourself then go to him and start to enjoy each other again. I’m almost 50 and it’s harder to turn it on. It helped me

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Are you giving him what he needs At home?? Men need an exciting sex life, spice it up, sexy lingerie, toys, be spontaneous if you don’t want him being a typical male and watching porn, then YOU need to change to

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First you need to chill and stop trying to control a grown ass man. That gets old real quick. Woman up and admit you’re fucking up and pushing him away because yo shit do work like it used to. Your desire is minimal to nonexistent.

Stop trying to force your ridiculous asinine expectations on him just because your sex drive has packed up and moved to the Bahamas without you.

Watching porn isn’t cheating.
If porn is his thing, fine that’s him. For all you know he could be imagining you doing those things instead and remembering when you used to get his dick hard and he couldn’t wait to get you naked and howling. :sweat_drops::eggplant::sweat_drops:

Second take yo ass to the doctor and see what can be done to get yo mojo back.
Seems like you’ve gotten too comfy and don’t think you need to put any effort in to keeping yo man.
And it’s that train of thought that’ll have you really pitching a bitch and looking stupid when you find yourself replaced.

If you’re not willing to put in any work to keep him, then sit yo ass down and hush.
And let whomever step in do what you refused to do.

Sounds like you need to unlock your inner whore and remind him why he chose yo pussy outta all the free pussy on this planet.
You coochie may have dried up but yo mouth didn’t. Blow him. :lips::tongue::sweat_drops:
Your hands still work. Jack him off.:eggplant::ok_hand:
If you don’t know how or you’re kinda rusty, take a refresher on Porn Hub.

Get yo ass to the corner store or gas station an get yourself some Pink Pussycat and wear his ass out when it kick in making him peep around corners waiting for the opportunity to bend yo ass over the couch, chair, table, bed, dresser, nightstand, car, park bench, coffee table, for a hellified marathon.:fireworks::sparkler:

Get off your soapbox and make him feel wanted and desirable, because if you don’t another woman will and you know this.
Remember that back in the day song, Clean Up Woman by Betty Wright.
#HandleYoShitWoman

I don’t get why these women don’t sit down and watch it with them. It’s ok for us women to watch 50 shades or broke back mtn but he can’t watch a porno. Damn pop some popcorn and watch it with him. Laugh at the horrible story lines and fake was of it all.

You don’t want him to have sex with you, you don’t want hin looking at other women. Man’s gotta eat…. Give him some food !!!

Porn changes the brain and alters thresholds. I’d be out.

I wouldn’t marry a man like that period. There are always ref flags and you obviously ignored them.

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Its not all about his needs a relationship is 50/50

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Men are voyeurs but to what extent. Is the question he may have a sex addiction then he needs help

So uh, it is a form of cheating to her. All you women whom are okay with it, doesn’t mean she is, or has to be. You need to voice your opinion to your man, and what your boundaries are. If you don’t want your man watching porn, that is your boundary.

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Is it porn? Or is it like live videos? Has he met these women?

Make a video of yourself for him to watch.

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You don’t want sex and then aren’t ok with him watching it to take care of himself? Then do it for him. :woman_shrugging:

If this is a boundary that has been set and he keeps crossing it. In my own experience they just find better ways to hide it. They never stop.

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Obviously everyone is different when it comes to this issue. I could tell you how I feel about it, which is opposite of yours, but any advice given should be geared towards your feelings (which I’m going to do).

As difficult as it will be for you, be direct and ask him why he is viewing pornography (Does he think of you when doing so? Is there a fantasy he has that includes the female in the porn, or someone else? Would his viewing porn ultimately have him breaking your marriage vows … or not? Does watching porn make him want to venture out of your relationship? - etc). Allow him the ability to be straight honest with you. Most men feel they can’t be honest because their so/wife doesn’t really want to hear the truth; and, I have to agree that they aren’t wrong for having this outlook. If you can’t join him in viewing porn as a part of your sex lives together, remain firm in your stand; however, you then have to decide what you want to do with this truth.

Sometimes … truly loving someone means letting them go because you want the best for them. In saying the aforementioned, by letting them go, you are also taking care of what you deserve.

Best of luck to both you!

Start watching it with him …

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You stated you’re not very interested in intimacy…and it seems like that is an important piece to your husband. Does it seem right that because You don’t want it he should go completely without? Just seems…one sided and mildly selfish. But that’s on the surface. Is the no porn thing an actual boundary that’s been discussed or just something you said you don’t like and he know that. Because there’s a difference betwee. Those two things.

I don’t really care as long as it’s not “real” people, like people he can chat with. Honestly, just make one of yourself and send it to him. Sex and release is a normal “need” but some people need a little something extra to get going.

Go to the drs and get your sex fixed. It sounds like you don’t want him watching porn to get his rocks off, but you’re unwilling to do anything about it on your end other than “my sex drive isn’t there”… So let go of the judge act and let the man stroke one out since you’re unwilling to go get checked. Better than him slipping it to someone warm; no? :person_shrugging: In the meanwhile realize that sex is natural and beautiful and if your sex is broken… Go get it fixed. Stop complaining that your man wants you :joy: do you know how many women want their man to desire sex more frequently and here you are complaining :rofl:

The red flag is you, toots. This whole message is giving veryyyyy boring begging to get cheated on vibes.

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Sorry, but I guess I’m not onboard with this one. I don’t consider what he’s doing cheating.

You may have boundaries and beliefs, but his may be different. If you’re both not meeting an understanding, then you both need to make some choices here.

Yes, he should try to cut down the videos…but are you trying to also help out with his needs a little more often? There is a balance and it should go both ways.

If y’all cannot come to an understanding then maybe you need to rethink the marriage :woman_shrugging:t2:

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Some of you saying, “I’d never marry a man that did this.” or “RED FLAG WARNING” … you don’t have the whole story. You have a tiny fraction of the story. Sex is a HUGE part of any healthy relationship. It’s been scientifically proven that it is a huge contributing factor to the success and overall wellbeing of the relationship. I think you two should try couples therapy and find out what it will take to get you both on the same page sexually.

There are a lot of factors here. 1. How old are you and him? Because if your older and not in the mood, it could be your going through the change of life. 2. How old is he? Because when men gets in their mid 40’s, they too are experiencing a change in life. 3. If he has never cheated on you and he is watching porn, I would not be so upset, nothing wrong with occasional porn. 4. Go to marriage counseling and see what you both get out of it.

So basically you want him to not be a man and look. Got it.

Grrrr at the lot of you who react with a laughing emoji. What are you laughing at??? The world has enough bullies k thanks

Mmmm this is a little too vague to really say. When you say sexual videos, are we talking porn, thirst traps on TikTok, or videos girls have sent him? The only one I’d consider cheating is the last. I know a lot of women have problems with porn, but unless we’re talking about a porn addiction, it isn’t a hill worth dying on. Plus, if you aren’t having sex with him, I think it’s a bit selfish to make a fuss over him getting his self off with porn.

Every relationship is different guys. She has made it clear her boundaries on it and he flat out ignòred that. If you consider this chèating and he knew but still did it then I’d lèave

Just because you’re not wanting to be sexual doesn’t mean he shouldn’t be either
He needs relief obviously, but in a way your also comfortable with.
Maybe have him watch videos that don’t involve real women, like 3D or hintai. :woman_shrugging:t2: