I just got out of the hospital Weds afternoon…Weds I got a night to rest (if you call it that up all night w baby). Thursday, all Daddies family came over, eight people total from noon to about 8 or 9 pm. I know it’s his right as Dad to enjoy the baby with his family, so I didn’t say anything at all, but I was hurting very badly and sore and exhausted. Friday, we did doctor visits and all her paperwork and errands I again am overdoing it very sore and busted a stitch. Now today, he wants to have a BBQ with his family, and I just want to hide in my room at this point. I don’t want to be rude, but with COVID around I didn’t want so much exposure so soon. I wanted to be able to rest and bond with baby and my own little family as Daddy goes back to work Monday, and we won’t see him much. I don’t want to sound selfish, but I don’t want to share them right now. Its too soon. I’m too sore. I will inevitably be left to clean all the mess too. If I say no, though, I’m rude bc it’s his baby too. Advice? Is this normal? I have no family locally, so I wouldn’t know.
Wow that is a lot going on for a brand new momma and baby despite all of this Covid mess. I would definitely tell him it’s too much and you need to to heal, rest, and most importantly bond with your baby. I would also be very uneasy about having so many people around a baby with no immune system at this time. Good luck momma!
This is the time to be selfish. That is your baby. The Dad is not helping you out very much. You’re overdoing it-your words. You busted a stitch. You need to bond w the baby. Feed & take care of yourself too. We are under a pandemic. Wait til your 6 wk follow up w your OB. To have anymore visitors
Wow!! I don’t know how anyone would even take anyone up on having a cookout when they just had a baby. I think the whole family is rude to be honest along with your husband thinking it’s okay. The covid alone would make me hang a sign on my door no visitors. I could see maybe his parents coming by to see the baby for a hour or so a few days after your settled in but the way they stay was really over doing it
You could also take advantage and relax and let the family take care of everything. Sit back, relax, nap if you want.
Why are you afraid to speak up? You are feeling all kinds of things that are completely normal for a new mom. All of that activity IS too much. If your baby’s dad does not know or understand that, he needs to be told. He seems to not be putting his baby and mother of his child as the priority. There is plenty of time to celebrate; it doesn’t all have to be done in the first couple of days after Baby is born. It doesn’t sound like the father of your baby is very helpful or supportive either. That would DRIVE me nuts, but definitely speak up. I hope you are safe; it’s hard to truly know this from a few things in particular in your post. I don’t want to jump to conclusions though. Take care.
I agree with what everyone is saying, my grandson was born in December My Family didnt meet him or see him until July 11th and that was briefly at the Cemetery, they live with me and even I gave them space and only watched the baby for her to nap or take a Shower… No BBQs or house visits, Only my Daughter and One of my cousins and it was only because they were bringing me something. You need to Rest, Bond and Heal… And they should be understanding.
Sounds like you are scared to use your voice. (In pain and said nothing). The longer you let it continue the worse it will be for you. Him running over you, didn’t just start. Now you have a daughter to protect, stand up and do it!
They are very inconsiderate. You should be able to relax. Especially wth Covid. I think you need to tell him how you feel. Good luck! And good health!
There is a freaking pandemic. How dare they think you are rude for protecting yourself and your baby. Please put your foot down and don’t allow this to happen.
First of all congratulations! Your full-on mama bear mode, is in full working order. Listen to your gut and that still small voice. What you tolerate will reveal how you will ultimately be treated. Never feel guilty for protecting yourself and your cubs! If ever a time a mother should get a pass, are the week’s after bringing a human into the world, especially during a pandemic!
Super rude and selfish of him to not care how you feel! And Shane in his family for being so intrusive!
Tell him how you feel. I waited until all my kids had thier second round of vaccines as babies have no immune system to start with… now my youngest… who is 2 months old… is special needs and high risk for upper respiratory problems so she will be different… shes yet to go out more than just drs offices and I make the grandparents come to her…but shes ln oxygen until her ljngs are strong enough to function on thier own… she’s almost there but I dont see the point in risking her health…
My mom and grandma already seen my boy before coming out hospital so they where thier for help, but think was about a month when let others come around
The health and well being of the baby and you must come first!
I think it’s rude of his family . You need baby bonding time … and they should know better …
If it were me I would use the virus as an excuse to not have visitors until you are ready and comfortable.
Exactly what you just wrote say that to him… in a calm way… communication about how you feel and what you NEED can go a long way.
If you never say anything he won’t know how you feel & I’m pretty sure he wants what’s best for you and the baby
Set boundaries now or be very sorry later
Speak up or you might have to stay in your bedroom with the baby.
Tell them to wait till next year in my opinion.Do zooming lol
OMG!!! Pump the breaks mama
My babes is 5 weeks old and we had a brief visit with his parents they live 4 hours away and briefly with mine. I put a post right on Facebook telling people that we are over the moon in love and grateful for all the love and support but we need time to bond with baby and heal and rest before we have visitors. We asked that people do not drop by unexpected. Everyone was very respectful of our wishes! Daddy is allowed to be proud but dad needs to have some empathy and sympathy towards mamas new reality and let your body heal hormones calm down and get to know baby together.
Stop now! You need to rest and bond with your baby…and this virus is nothing to mess with! If everyone insists on coming over…keep them away from baby…tell everyone they have to stay out of the house…seriuosly…your house …your rules! Especially with a new baby!
He’s Down Right Selfish, He Didn’t Push Out a Watermelon.No one needs to be around your baby now because of the Virus ,it would kill a newborn, Put your foot down and say NO. PERIOD. LET HIM GET PISSED, I HAVE A WORD FOR MEN LIKE HIM. GOD BLESS YOU AND YOU’RE BABY.PLEASE PROTECT IT FROM THAT IDIOT
Your husband should have said something, smh. Do not make yourself uncomfortable to make others feel comfortable. You just had a baby, they can wait until you’re ready. The priority is for you and your spouse bonding and adjusting to your new life with your newest addition.
Set boundaries because some people do not have any. Do it for your sanity.
Mom needs and healing after delivery and baby health and safety is a priority over feelings being hurt. Hopefully hubby can see this perspective. I surely didn’t feel like having social gatherings and now with covid even more reason to be cautious but also its normal and understandable to just want alone time with your baby and immediate family
I’m surprised the doctor didn"t advise not to have a newborn around anybody outside the household for at least six weeks because they are vulnerable to get respiratory infections. Most Doctors don’t want babies exposed to people they don’t live with and that was the normal recommendations before covid.
You just had a tiny human exit your lady bits. What he wants at this point in invalid! It is about what you and baby need. Right now, it would be easy for you to catch anything. Your body just grew and delivered a human.It is exhausted. The baby is not a toy . I understand being a proud Papa, but your need/health and baby’s should trump his excitement.
You are obviously very tired. You need to heal and get some rest. Also as you mentioned COVID is not something to mess with right now. As sad as it is it’s best to wait. I’m not gonna have anyone see my baby sadly. Something my husband and I both feel strongly about. Our way of thinking is it’s best for everyone to take some time before we introduce the baby to anyone. It’s hard to stay strong and choose logic over emotion. You have to do what you feel is right for your baby. I think everyone will understand as well. A pandemic isn’t meant to be taken lightly and masks only so do much. Your husband should also understand how tired you are and take that into consideration and let you rest and heal.
I talked to my boyfriend about this before our Daughter joined us, I told him I didn’t want anyone just showing up for the first month after we bring her home. He did ask if his parents can come meet her, I agreed just as long as they don’t bring the entire family. He understood that their germs were too big for our newborn. Congratulations, and prayers for healthy healing.
Girl you are the MOTHER you just went thru the pain and aches bringing this baby into the world and it will be your responsibility to keep that baby safe. Even without covid I wanted to see no one in my hosp room except my mom and no one for 3 months except my mom and dad. Now with COVID. Hellll to the no. You need to sit him down and say what has been going on is unacceptable. He needs to cherish the 9 months you sacrificed plus the delivery you made to bring that baby into this world. UNACCEPTABLE. I won’t even visit my cousin and her 3 month old baby with covid going around because it’s RUDE to add to the worry of a first time mom. And a BBQ?!? Are you kidding! Give me his info , I’m literally furious about his lack of respect of a woman and her right & body.
My first is 5. 2nd is due in october. What I did with my first was only allowed our immediate families to visit the first few weeks while we got settled. And that was without a pandemic. Different dad this time so it might be a little different as his family is all.so close and we go camping with them like every other weekend almost. I still think we’re going to come home and get settled and only allow immediate family at least for a few days.
After birth is about you and baby. You had to go through a lot and he needs to respect that you need to heal and rest.
My son is 6 months old and still hasn’t had any visitors. It’s not worth the risk with covid going on and he’s not lacking by not having visitors or meeting anyone who doesn’t live with me.
Don’t be afraid to express your feelings to your husband. Put your foot down.
I told nobody until at least 10 days. The only person that saw my baby outside of my immediate household in person before that 10 days was up was my ex’s mom because she had my daughter and brought her up to visit
You guys need to have a talk and he needs to understand what your entire being just went through. It’s like you just cleared up a cold, literally everything changed for you. You have every right to want time alone to bond, heal and relax. Shame on him and his family.
No no no. I don’t mind close family (mother and fathers parents) comming to see the baby when I am discharged. But it wil also not be a 5hour visit. Short and sweet.
As for when to let people visit. That is a decision you and husband have to make together. I/We personally will wait until at least the baby reaches 2/3months, and even then it will only be close family and one or two friends. Those who don’t respect your decisions can take a hike.
My family came to the hospital within hours of my first.
We stopped at work on the way home to introduce our new baby.
Stopped at work on the way home with our second and family came a week later.
I just sat around snuggling my babies both times. I didn’t do anything, they brought food and cake to celebrate. I’m hours from my family, so it was special.
This is normal. You need and deserve to rest and heal. Cancel the BBQ and reschedule when you are physically capable and willing to.
You have to protect your mental and physical health at all costs even if it means sounding rude furthermore the baby has no immune system and COVID is floating around I’d hurt everyone and their moms feelings with no problem
I had my boy at 4.55pm, home by 6/6.30ish, and a few people came over same day, and rest the day after, think first 3 days was all visitors, then once the no sleeping started to get a bit hard, i refused any more visitors apart from close family, for about 3 weeks, a few got shitty and said i was being selfish, so they didn’t get to meet baby till waaaay after that.
They’ve already seen baby with an exhausting 8-9hr day. Talk to him. Dont do anything you don’t want to do or for your baby. Yes, the baby is his just as much, but the baby is still yours too!! You can say no as a mom- even to your husband/father of child. REST. It is so important with how serious PP is!! Let him be mad for a minute, he’ll get over it and YOU need to be focused on to.
He’s incredibly selfish and sounds like his family is too. Zero respect. Say something now before it gets worse, or you or baby gets covid.
Omg 2 weeks at least. I spent the first month in my bed healing stitches, learning how to breastfeed, skin to skin, having baths together and being with my baby. Night was day and day was night. Sleep was random. No way I’m have family over like that even before Covid.
I didn’t want any visitors either. I felt the same. I was tired and in pain and just wanted that time to us. I wouldn’t have a BBQ either.if he insisted I would have stayed in my room with the baby and said make sure you all clean up after your finished
you poor thing!!! i waited until i felt comfortable! i was a psycho about people being around my kids! i cannot imagine having a newborn now! i absolutely would’ve never ever let his family come over! nothing against his family,but god forbid you brand new baby gets sick!!! i’m sorry you’re in so much pain! you need rest and help from your husband and time with just the 3 of you!!! good luck and congrats
They shouldn’t have done that long of a visit in the first place with COVID around, I’d say no to the cookout no matter what and if he got upset tell him you and the baby are at a higher risk of getting sick right now and you have no literal energy to be doing anything outside of baby related things,if he gets upset that your mental help and physical health and babies health are more important than his family getting to see baby tell him that’s his problem they can have the cookout at one of their houses and you can go by yourself while you two stay home. When it comes to things like this I put my foot down with my husband when it comes to things like this. I’m not risking dying over family who barely have talked to us till the baby gets here. I have a newborn coming in November and I’m not allowing anyone to see her except for my mom but that’s cause she’ll have my oldest with her while I’m in the hospital.
Nope. We’re in the middle of a pandemic. We get the excitement, but rushing into meeting everyone while you’re tired and sore on top of the possibility of spreading sickness to a newborn is just not worth the stress. Tell everyone to freakin chill and they will see the baby when you don’t feel like a busted can of biscuits and there isn’t a nationwide pandemic. No cookout. Too much exposure too fast
I allowed a few people to visit when i was in hospital. But then i wanted a week alone. And when his mom, sister and family friend came to see baby, i was a nervous wreck. Its ok to speak up. Have a civil conversation about it with hubby.explain your concerns… abd that you are still healing and need time to rest and this is his time to help you while you heal. If they can’t understand, then thats on them.
Ahahhahahahaha. I was literally dying from engorgement, dealing with a week old baby, and staying at my in laws right after getting out of the hospital because it was “easier” and had 3/4 of our town “dropping in” -.-
It’s your body! You tell your man to be with you and baby. A single visit for and hour here and there is very different, a small gathering is not ok. Speak up and rest up. He should be letting you rest and enjoying the baby too!
You need your rest and so does baby. Tell him how you are about the whole situation and arrange the bbq another time when you’re up to it.
I made my and daddy’s family wait 2 weeks… we just let the grandparents visit
If you say no it’s rude?
You’re going to have a lot more to worry about with this “man” than a bbq.
I had visitors the day both boys were born but not many and limited it to just close family for months but we did go to the store and such as needed within the first 3-4 days.
So take the time to rest. Allow his family to take care of baby while u have time to sleep, bathe, self care. Men don’t always understand and maybe be thankful his family is so involved? Not being mean but u won’t always get that type of break. And to just avoid an argument
With all this going on and they don’t even let but one other person in the hospital. I wouldn’t let just anyone. Grandparents only. Or maybe not.
Tell him no you’re sore and tired you need to rest not host his family again suggest a bbq in a few weeks when you feel more human
We waited a month before family came around to visit our baby. With COVID had just gotten bad. And we lived in a small town. We didn’t want to risk our son or me getting sick. We only let two people come around our son. But that’s because they bought things that we needed. But at the end of the day it’s up to you and your babies dad of how long you want to wait before having visitors. And if you’re really not up to it tell him as nice as you can considering you’re in pain and you guys just had the baby
We were told not to take our newborn around crowds until 2 months and that was way before covid
I would not do visitors at this time with covid…
You need talk to you partner about this especially with the viruis about
What’s wrong with your boyfriend babys father doesn’t he think and y do you feel you carnt tell him what you need at this moment I understand he go’s back to work soon the pair of you need your own time together with your beautiful baby am sure his family will understand and maybe it would be a better thing for them to come over once he goes back to work they could help you maybe take baby for a walk while you catch up with sleep even an hour they and you can build up a great family grandparents aunts uncles ect when you’re parnter isn’nt there
You need time to yourself. It is too soon to have a lot of ppl around. Your immune system is comprised due to giving birth!! You stand up for yourself. Call your dr for back up if you need reinforcements.
We did grandparents and siblings only and have continued this my son is almost 8 weeks and my aunt and uncle just started seeing him but they are like siblings to us and don’t go anywhere besides work and essentials. We have everyone have a clean shirt on, wear a mask and wash hands. If they have been to any gatherings or travel i tell them no for at least 7-10 days. It’s lonely and sad because I’d love to share him with the everyone but also we have been able to lock down and enjoy this time together. You have to do what you feel is best for your little one i knew mentally i needed my mom and his mom and i wasn’t gonna not see my family. My pediatrician said to keep your circle small and the same people and to wear a mask etc his father has been treating covid patients he’s a pulmonologist so he has a lot of good info
I did every other day a few people could come for short visits an hour or 2 max, but that was years ago…with covid id be limiting it to grandparents and aunts and uncle, sorry friends
I posted on my facebook “NO VISITS” and so did my boyfriend. Had someone came knocking at my door they would be rudely turned away.
Tell his dumbass you need time to enjoy and bond with yiur baby and youre not gonna miss these precious first days with your child because there mist absolutely be a freakin bbq!??? Hello? I just pushed out a watermelon thru the diameter of a thumb sized hole, you think i want to be entertaining your fracking family???
Your husband is either very selfish or extremely ignorant! The baby shouldn’t be exposed to all those people, family or not. His family members must also be a bunch of idiots, as well! Who cares if he doesn’t like it. You’re the one who is going to do an extra ton of work, while everyone is there, and afterwards. How are you going to feel if the baby gets the virus??? You should have a say, when it comes to all of his family visiting for long periods. Speak up on her behalf!!!
Sounds very, very normal! I would say at least a month and with covid I would go even longer. You can do FaceTime or Zoom if they would like to see the baby. But whatever you choose just know that you are not being selfish. Your body needs to recover and your baby as well. Over stimulation can be very hard on your baby. So don’t feel guilty if you have to tell people no. If they want to help they can make a meal for you, run errands, or by groceries.
I plan to be completely selfish when my baby comes. No one except my immediate family (as in husband and 2 other kids) will be seeing baby or me for several weeks after, I don’t have a strong support system with the rest of the family and I don’t have close friends either. It is going to be difficult but I think it is for the best since my wishes are not respected with our family.
Do not overdo it. I would politely excuse myself and take babe and go to my roomand they can clean and visit. I surely wouldnt want tons of people around a newborn.
Tell him you need to wait a few weeks.
It’s his baby true but that doesn’t mean he gets to forget you went through something major. He can hang out with the baby a lot better without a whole bunch of people being around trying to also be around the baby. Tell him to read an article about post partum and all that. He shouldn’t forget your health right now.
My daughter just had a baby and we can’t see them for 6 weeks. Her doctor said absolutely no visitors! You are playing a risky game with your baby and yourself by seeing all these people! I’d tell husband absolutely not!
kust tell him NO. I always hated people visiting after you have a baby and all they want to do is hold and kiss the baby. Bring a casserole to share,do dishes,throw in a load of laundry or vacuum mommie can hold her own baby
I just had my son July 13 I allowed our families over for a brief stay like less than an hour when we got home… But we have been getting in huge arguments especially yesterday Bc he tries to have visits with his family every week and I try to explain I don’t want people kissing all on the baby … I told him this is my time to bond with my son not his family. I’m almost 30 I’ll probably never have another newborn and I’m still healing from a c section which is hard to do with this heat and getting in and out of cars or whatever…Put your foot down or you’re just gonna be miserable. This is your baby and your time. Hugs I was going through the same thing I know it’s tough but you didn’t have a baby with his family…
We had visitors immediately after our third. I didnt say anything , but I really did not want it AT ALL. I was tired and sore and just had my baby. Her brothers hadn’t even met her yet , because my grandma had taken them so that we could adjust to having baby.
Its his baby too, all the more reason for him to consider the same things you are… what is vest for baby at the moment (mommy is primary caregiver as breastfeeding and caring for baby falls on you) hence, you are priority, he and his family should understand that much! If he doesn’t, speak to the closest lady in the family who would understand and ask if she could perhaps suggest another approach as you dont want to offrnd anyone, but you need this time to heal and bond etc! She might be able to properly diffuse the situation! All the best and enjoy the new little one!
Better safe than sorry… if baby gets sick it’s the worst thing you’ll go through! +Covid?? It’s ok to say No… it’s ok to take care of yourself and your baby… because if anything bad happens you’ll pay the consequences not the family members who come visit … your husband should understand … congratulations on your bundle of joy
You just had a baby…
they should be bringing you food helping tidy and making sure you are okay. You need rest to heal properly and to take care of your new bundle. You’re not being rude at all!! Rest up mommy.
You need to explain to him that you’re hurting and what your body just went through. Yes he deserves to share his baby with family and celebrate but if you need a break you need to be able to do that. Be honest and talk to him.
My favorite reason that I breast feed " sorry baby needs boob goes locks bedroom door for 2 hours… sorry didn’t get latched good then needed a change… as soon as baby cries again oh hungry must be cluster feeding gotta go feed baby… leaves for another hour or two " still my favorite reason to avoid ppl
Shouldn’t have a newborn around that many people till he’s a month old cuz of their immune system. I have a 4 week old almost 5 and just got the ok to. Not to mention you need your rest and absolutely bonding with your baby. Be rude if need be and do you.
My daughter had a baby 2 weeks ago. Everyone had a chance to see her. Now we are giving them time to rest and bond. Kills me! I wanna bond too. I love my daughter and giving her time is the best way to show it. No BBQ. Put your foot down. Tell your man that you want to be a part of ot when you have healed.
Tell him he is more than welcome to have his barbecuewith his family and that you’ll be in the house with the blinds closed taking a nap with your baby
My son is 5 years old and I made sure no visitors and no outings besides the doctor’s office for 3 full months.
You are not wanting the wrong thing. After birth you don’t have energy to entertain much
Didn’t get to have visitors with my son.
I would just say no, wouldn’t do it
Whatever u choose he selfish expose baby should wait 3 mnths rule
Not no but oh hell no.
My son was born in march and we have limited visitors to grandparents, my sister and my grandma. Too much exposure=too great I’d risk for me.
Also, you just gave birth and your healing, rest, etc. Needs to be a priority and your husband needs to support that.
Nobody should be coming to your house unless it’s to clean something, wash something, or make you food!!! Your hubby’s family, including him sound selfish and you are not voicing what you want enough. The perfect disaster. You will cause yourself horrible mental harm if you do not stick up for yourself. I didn’t and I fast tracked ppa and ppd literally just dealing with selfish asshole family members. You need to talk to your partner and tell him what a dick he’s being and how even though you understand the new baby is important and exciting, YOU are the most important person that should be taken care of. You take care of the baby, hubby should be taking care of YOU. HES the one being selfish. It doesn’t matter that that’s his baby. That kid came from YOUR SORE VAGINA, did it not?