How many times do I keep forgiving him for things?

My husband of 15 years (together over 20) and 3 children together, was texting a woman who contacted him through Instagram. She started out by flirting and he said he was stupid and liked the attention. He did not give her his cell number. She got it on Instagram. They would text every few days and it was her being sexual and maybe sending a selfie or I am assuming a naked picture. He said that he got uncomfortable and knew it was wrong so he stopped it. Then a few days ago she texted him again and he responded. He accidentally sent the response to me and not her and that is how I found out about the whole thing. He claims, he just got wrapped up in the attention and that he would have never met up with her or done anything physical. That it just got out of hand. He has been nothing but apologetic and owned up to it all. He has offered to do anything to save our marriage. My heart is just broken. I know that no one is perfect and I know we all like attention at times but he definitely crossed the line and now I don’t know if I could ever trust him again. He said that he has no emotional feelings for her and that it was all basically flirting/sexual comments. He said he will go to counseling alone or with me. I do feel that I have forgiven his poor choices many times but not things like this. How many times do I keep forgiving him for things? I know marriages take work and that people do make mistakes. I am far from perfect. But I am just afraid of what I will have to forgive next. But, sometimes I don’t think people put enough work into marriages now a days. I don’t want to throw our marriage away but I also don’t want to be walked all over. I apologize for rambling, I am just so hurt and confused and don’t want to talk to my family or friends. He is a good guy and a decent father. But my heart is just hurting.
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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How many times do I keep forgiving him for things?

I would take him up on the offer of counseling but make it clear this is the last time you are willing to forgive and forget, he needs to prove to you that he wants the marriage, the love and everything that comes with it just as much as you do.

Make sure he knows just how tired you are of it all.

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There is more than one form of cheating, Including emotional. He took attention away from you to lead on some woman. That is not right. There is no gurantee he wont do it again if he gets away with it once. Counsling might help but make sure you set clear boundries with him.

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He is only sorry he was caught! Leave his sorry ass

I absolutely love that you’re not just considering walking away. You are so right, relationships/marriages take effort and problems should be worked through. I would 100% take him up on his offer to go to counselling, get to the root of why he felt the need to continue it and find a suitable solution for you both.

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Going thru the same thing with my husband…I forgave him multiple times but he does it all over again. I guess I’m the stupid one for staying. Married for 25 years with 4 children.

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The question is would he have been so apologetic if he had not been caught? He def needs to get rid of Instagram or whatever else if he has no self control. He may not have been physical yet but he was emotionally cheating and how long before it turns into physical cheating?

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All humans crave attention. Maybe try giving him some from you.

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He should be focusing more on you and his family than some other woman shame on him

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What happens when the next time he doesn’t accidentally send it to you? He didn’t have the decency to not message her back or block the number when he knew it was wrong ! If you decide to go ahead and stay I would honestly try working out things and see what he needs from you and what you need from him.

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Um my ex husband was notorious for cheating and messaging other women. Notice how I said EX

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Warning: It doesn’t stop! He will do it again. Depending on how strong your love is, you could make it work, but it takes two!

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When you own up to a mistake, you own all the way up. He’s lying about her getting his number off of IG. How? Does he promote a business on IG and his number is listed? You shouldn’t have to babysit a grown man. At this point in the relationship he knows what’s acceptable and what’s not. He just continues to play you and it’ll happen again.

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No more social media for him and marriage counseling

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Oh sweetie, Ive dealt with this before and I don’t care what he tells u, he never was “uncomfortable” and he never stopped talking to her. He is a liar and sounds like a narcissist. If you’ve been with him for over 20yrs (as was i) it’s never gonna stop unless u leave… Or lay down major lines in the sand!! I know it’s hard but u got this.

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In all honestly he just didn’t make it in her yet…her this is what u know of

That’s what happened with me and my ex, but his was with a coworker and it never stopped, he cried and begged for forgiveness but in the end, the secret messages, calls and hook ups continued until I said no more. You will have to do what you think is best, as others have stated he wasn’t sorry when you didn’t know about it. I’m sure he will continue doing it behind your back

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I guess I’m just confused? He is continuing to do these things yet your are still with him? How do you not know he didn’t sleep with her? I guess I’m not understanding the situation. I know it must be so hard to even think about leaving because you have children. However, he talking to woman and basically cheating on you. Be strong and fight for yourself! You need someone who can be faithful to you. As a Mama you deserve it.

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Why didn’t he just block her no because he was loving the attention and was planning on hooking up behind ur bck

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He’s just sorry he got caught!

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Together 20 years…. Flirting isn’t that serious. He owned it. Get some apology gifts out of it. Make sure you have passwords and move on. Not worth throwing away 20 years for such tiny straying.

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As long as you keep forgiving and forgetting he’s gonna keep doing it. He has no reason to stop. Has he done more that’s the one question. Another is did he confess because he accidentally sent you that text? I understand working on a marriage but at some point enough is enough. When is enough for you?

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He’d be in the bin for me… marriage & kids or not! I’m sorry but that’s way over the line… I think people get caught up in the fantasy of what they ‘hope for’ when in reality it will never happen. He’s a sneaky liar for a start & that you never get over trust me. Those qualities are instilled within a person they don’t just change for anything regardless of therapy etc
He would’ve known he was doing wrong & over stepping the line yet done it anyway for the thrill. :wastebasket: :x:

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Gurl…you have 2 choices…PUT up with IT…or LOVE YOUR CHILDREN and YOURSELF MORE… shouldn’t be a hard choice…praying for ya…Best of Luck with whatever YOU decide to LIVE with though.

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if he has such weak willpower, make agreement that you check his phone periodically. You can help him through this…

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Married 32 years, and you’re right, it takes a lot of work. If you want this to work, have him block her, get off social media. And if you are Christian, I might suggest getting into a good church and grow your marriage, Christ centered. Prays that God gives you the wisdom you seek for your marriage

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Let it go. Harmless. But keep your eyes open.
I would not resort to searching and looking. If you cannot forgive this slight indiscretion you will need to either counsel or divorce. Simple. But it seems harmless. Guys crave attention.

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The frist text he should have deleted her he s cheater never trust him again he showed his true clores

I think only you know the answer… I hope everyone’s comments have helped cement what you already know.
I hope whatever you choose works out.
If you ever need a listening ear I’m more then happy to chat x
Marriage is hard work and I love your perspective xx

he has apologized & has offer to go to couples & single counseling. If he really hasn’t been/slept with another woman since you, I would forgive him, But this is between you two, not the world, Get the counseling. Especially the single counseling for you. This is all up to you. Plenty wouldn’t hurt to go away on a couples weekend, just the two of you. Before hand send hm some sexy tests. YOU also need to spice things up a bit, With kids, life kind of gets in a routine & a little boring, so again YOU spice it up, You just might like the ending results. If that is not for you, then you might as well leave,

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Get him a flip phone no smart phone hes not smart enought to use it

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I wpuld demand to read every message sent between them and if he says no or they are gone already then he is lying about all of it. He was making advances and he was sending pics and asking for them and probably planned on meeting at some point and the only reason he didn’t was because he got caught. He isn’t sorrt it happened he isnsorry you found out

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You taught him how to treat you

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Wise words my 93 year old papa shared with me years ago “A man that wants to build with you will not do anything to hurt you or jeopardize losing you” also “A man will only do to you what you allow” and im sorry but a good guy and decent father would have never done these things to you just my opinion! He is only sorry he got caught and only confessed once caught if you didn’t find out I guarantee you it would still be going on and might have went further too! A man that truly loves you wont cheat period or intentionally be the cause of your tears

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First of all I’m sorry for ur hurting. I have questions. I’ve been in ur shoes what was his response when he accidentally sent u the text.n he’s sorry he got caught. Regardless of how long u been together. We all have our ups n down in relationships. Good n bad times. We all want to believe our partner is being faithful in life but especially on social media bc its so ez to cheat mentally or physically. In my opinion he should of NEVER RESPONSED OR HE SHOULD OF TOLD HER HE MARRIED PERIOD…BUT HE DIDN’T HE CONTINUE TO CHAT WITH HER BY HIS CHOICE. WHEN THE PICTURE STARTED HE SHOULD OF BLOCKED HER. BUT HE DIDN’T. HE CONTINUE. IF HE OR ANY OF MAN IN A RELATIONSHIP OR WOMAN IF THEY TRULY LOVE N RESPECTED THE RELATIONSHIP. YOU say you keep forgiving him .WHY!!!.n plz don’t say he lonely, or you don’t give him all the attention he needs. Life is hard relationships are hard today. But this issue on ur foot n answer honestly. What would you have done. Would you told him stop ur happily married. Would you continue to chat with him. Knowing u were in the wrong.

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He was probably flattered by the attention. A man’s ego is a fragile thing.
If he has been honest with you, has only flirted by text and not actually met her in person, then is all those years of marriage not worth fighting for.
Do you do date night? Make time for each other? Or does your personal relationship get lost in family, work, friends?
Maybe use this time as a wake-up call for both of you.

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I would tell him that he is just not responsible enough to have social media. Obviously it is just getting him in trouble, he’s going to jeopardize a 20 year relationship over some internet fling? Stupid, just idiotic.

Please do not let this reflect on you as a wife at all, he is in the wrong and deserves no excuses for his BS.

I would give him an ultimatum that he is entering into cheating territory, and this is the last warning you will give - If he screws up again, he is gone.

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He wasn’t sorry while he was doing it. And he won’t stop. Once they’ve crossed that line, they won’t go back. I finally made my husband leave 3 weeks ago for similar reasons.

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I would get that girls contact info and contact her. She could be married too. Let her husband know as well! Tell her to stay away from your man!

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Once the trust is gone :man_shrugging:

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Your feelings for him will never, ever be the same. He brought in deception. Would still be carrying on if he hadn’t been caught. And he may do everything he can now but reality is, he will continue but more carefully. And don’t be so naively gullible…there is the delete button that becomes so handy to cheaters and liars. It’s a game.

Oh…and if this person reached out to him…he’s being used/scammed/played as well. I’ve seen pages opened with stolen images of beauties, and the fine print says “[girl’s name] opened his page on [date is within last 24-48 hours!]. The game goes all ways. But the trust will never recover to it’s original bliss.

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Young one - the very foundation of a relationship is trust, accountability, responsibility and loyalty. This is reinforced and built through communication. Once any of the four are broken it will never be the same. “Years together” means nothing at this point- you enable, if you keep forgiving- young one.:heart::v:t4:

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He had an emotional affair it sounds like-

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You’re making excuses for him. He cheated on you. It doesn’t have to be physical to be an affair

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Honestly a female is NOT going to keep responding without someone feeding her a response. He probably has sent photos and more to keep her continuing such behaviors. These behaviors won’t stop. He is only agreeing to get counseling because he knows it will make you stay, you’ll forgive him, and he’ll do it again later. His “craving attention” isn’t a one time thing and is bound to get worse. You say they didn’t meet in person but how can you know for sure? They are never sorry enough to stop doing it on their own, only sorry when they get caught. Forgive if you want, counseling if you want, but keep your eyes open and don’t play the fool excusing red flags and bad behavior. The more you let him get away with the more he’ll do.

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If you love him hang in there and keep communicating with each other. I did and I do not regret it!

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Yes he had an emotional affair. Time invested in his mine away from you and family is an affair. Yes you can get past it. Marriage is hard work. Go to counseling don’t just throw in the towel. The easy part is walking away. Come on now a woman knows how to taunt a man. You a woman think about that. Don’t let a trifling person steal your husband and father from you and your children. Do counseling first. Put the work in and go from there

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Maybe you need to get her number and handle things. That’s what I did

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That is the hardest thing I dealt with the same thing I was with a guy for 4 years and would find him talking to other girls I no its not as long as 20 years but I was an emotional wreck I finally left after I left I found out he was sleeping with other people and shortly the girl who was just a friend was his girl friend be careful if he is just talking or social media who knows what else he is doing the hardest part was that I had my daughter involved and he had a daughter it was heart breaking his mom begged me not to leave him weird think he would of been the one doing that. Good luck in all that I finally found a decent man took only 3 years and I meet him on fb.

Make him follow through with the counseling. Make him earn back the trust. Do not give him husbandly honors until he earns them back. Show him how serious you are. And in the counselors office let him know you will not try to work through something like this again. It’s all or nothing this time.

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Sending you (((hugs))). This is a tough one. Sounds to me like he is genuinely sorry for his bad choice. Marriage is not easy sometimes. You’re right, none of us are perfect and we all deserve some mercy. It’s easy to get caught up in someone showing us attention, because it’s coming from someone we don’t know. I’m not saying it was right, but I’m saying it happens. Go to counseling with and without him. Truly try to forgive him. If you believe in God, pray! Turn it over to him. Try with him to save your marriage. Like someone told me several years ago “You have to earn your way out of your marriage”. Give it your all and if at the end of giving it your all, you still can’t trust him or choose not to be married, then leave. You owe it to yourself and y’all’s children to try one last time. I wish you much luck with this situation. I pray the Lord will give you guidance and a peaceful heart. :blue_heart:

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He May of purposely sent the response to you wanting to get caught because he didn’t know how to end it on his own and wanted you to know and hold him accountable. Force it to stop and pull him out of the mess he got himself in. They rely on us at times to be that voice of reason, that voice or reckoning and the stronger one. Not saying it was okay by any means but he may have known the magnitude of his actions and that things were getting out of hand and he let his guilt consume him and was just looking for a way to stop even if that meant messaging you and having you intervene. He has broken your trust and crossed a boundary regardless… if you both are willing to work to repair that trust there can be no additional outside temptations like social media for awhile. Find new books to read together, games to play, places to go, walls to go on etc during those times you would find yourself in social media … try to take this time to let him prove his love again and truly show you he’s sorry and he wants this and that time with you will always come first or be more important than social media.

Unfortunately social media is like Pandora’s box
And while yes we are all responsible for our own actions and fully capable of saying NO or ignoring those temptations we’re all human and some sneaky wreck less people will do anything to try to get what they want even if that means a married man…

Sorry you are hurting and I’m sorry you are now questioning your marriage and husband . I hope your heart finds peace and you are able to figure out what is both best for you and your children. He needs to prove himself now

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Counseling is a waste of time and money.

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May as well go . They never change even through words spoken are not trusted , therapy , broken promises etc . The other woman is just that , if it wasn’t her another one would come along . Woman like that have no boundary’s they don’t care about other people getting hurt . It’s all about them abs what they want . RUN … no change is permanent believe me .

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If ur a Christian God tells us to forgive 70 times 70 ask him what he would have u do not anyone else and pray :pray:

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Actions speaker louder than words. He mentioned counseling, maybe use both need to go. You’re not filling up your husbands cup either if his looking for attention else where. Tell him to take his number off of insta for starters. And to block her number and on any other social media he has her on. I’d ask him to take a break from insta and deactivate it so he can work on your guys marriage. To me owning up to it right away is better than trying to hide it from you and lie about it when you already know. Also put your foot down in counseling that if this happens again he’s gone and your done. Communication is key.

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This happened to me. He said it was nothing. He was lying. Once that trust is broken, I don’t think it ever comes back and that’s a sick feeling. I’m so sorry you’re having to go through it. I hope you make the right decision for you and your children- whatever that may be. :green_heart:

Just set up a fake account pretend you’re some other person if he responds you have your answers. Either your gonna settle for it or be gone.

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Hugs. I would go to therapy together and try to regrow the trust. I know it hurts and everything. I’ve been cheated on by my ex-husband who broke things off. If he is sincere and apologized over and over may e therapy will help mend things. Sounds like he wants to make amends. In other situations men just don’t care. Maybe he realized that this was his wake up call since the text went to you instead of that woman. I could be wrong but if he doesn’t want to meet up with her and everything, maybe it was just flattery for his ego. Smh. I feel for you I so do. Hugs. Wish you well with the future. Definitely would be cautious and look for more red flags if he continues this behavior though.

I just went through this… I’m so sorry ❤️‍🩹

First off big hugs to you because 20 years together is a very long time and a large bit of ones life. With that said my father gave me a word of advice which applies to so many things “only YOU know when you have had enough”. You know it all so my suggestion is ask yourself are you happy, were you happy/loved/supported how long has it been since you felt that way in this marriage? Make a pros and cons list if you must , therapy is what you make of it and may be worth a shot but ultimately comes down to you! What will make you happiest, most secure because it’s Your life and you matter! If you feel unsure, it doesn’t need to be solved overnight but think about you! I pray it works out in a way that will give you peace and happiness in the long run !

Out of respect for you, however much he liked the attention he should’ve ignored and blocked her. I know we need to forgive in relationships but that is a boundary not to be crossed EVER. If you forgive this it will happen again and next time it may go even further. Remember he may have owned up to it all now but that’s only coz you caught him out, my worry would be how far would it have gone if he hadn’t accidentally sent you a message. Only you know how much you can forgive and if you can regain trust or not. Im sorry he’s put you in this situation x

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But was he sorry when you didn’t know? Would he have stopped if you didn’t find it?

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Do it back to him. They definitely don’t like that. I know that hurts. It’s the worst feeling ever.
I’m also the worst with advice.

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Why do men always blame the other woman to start or initiate things? ! Come on the signal was green hence she crossed it :roll_eyes:. Stay only if you still trust him

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If you’re choosing to try to save your marriage, demand complete transparency, and definitely go to counseling.
-Passwords to all of his social media accounts and emails.
-Passcode to his phone.
-Knowingly track him w an app if it gives you some kind of peace of mind.
-Block her and perhaps even the permanent deletion of all his social media accounts since he can’t be trusted or handle himself on it as a married man.
-Reach out to her calmly, as a woman, and ask for screenshots of their conversations. She probably has their text threads if you need more info and/or her perspective on it.
This went on for quite a while and he didn’t care that during this timeframe of his sexting/emotional affair, that you thought your marriage was just fine. He no longer deserves any kind of privacy from you. Personally, it’s way too much to have to babysit the one person that always should’ve put you first, but that’s for you to decide.
Nobody would fault you for leaving him after all this. The best of luck for you as you decide the new chapters of your life. :blue_heart:

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Yes everyone makes mistakes but he’s not a child, he’s a grown adult who made a CHOICE to contact and engage in sexual conversations with the woman. My opinion personally he shouldn’t have been engaging in any personal conversations with a woman that you weren’t aware of. It’s called respect and I feel that both parties need to be aware of any person of the opposite sex who are “friends”. In a marriage it’s not just about yourself anymore you have to consider your spouse’s feelings. If you decide to stay that’s your personal choice no one else’s but you don’t deserve that and neither do your children. His actions were selfish and wrong.

He’s only sorry cause he got caught. I have been through this before and it won’t stop. If he mentioned counseling that’s either so you will let up about it or he’s actually gonna go my ex did that but never went. If it keeps happening over and over he won’t change and he will continue to cross boundaries. Good luck and i know it hurts but at least it didn’t get physical never the less it’s all the same. Prayers!

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At the end of the day it’s up to you, and it’s up to you how many times you will forgive :heart: what is your gut telling you xo

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Okay let me start off by saying it honestly never stops.
And once you forgive them that first time they think you will keep forgiving them and they will keep doing it.
I’ve been with my children’s father for 8 years. It has yet to stop, and I now do not have a way out at the moment. Please don’t be like me. Take my advice and do not let it continue. If you forgive him make sure he knows there will not be a second chance.

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Girl, going through the same thing… He texts a ex fling from when he was single… he only does it when he is drunk tho… I hurt every day… because idk what to do either… My heart hurts for you!!! :heart::heart::heart::heart::heart:

I’ve been down this road…

First, only you can truly decide when it’s worth trying to work it out and when the good no longer outweighs the bad for yourself and your children…if you’re fighting all the time as a result of the hurt he’s caused then it’s probably best for yourself and the kids to part ways in the marriage…

Second, there is nothing wrong with wanting to attempt to preserve a marriage and relationship that has taken up so much of your life thus far…once a cheater always a cheater is often and maybe even most of the time the end result, however, rough patches do happen…times of love drought can and do cause some to seek out attention from others if they are feeling a major lacking in their marriage/relationship at home…and often it is men…why don’t they come and tell you they need more time/affection/attention rather than accept it elsewhere you ask?? Well because a good majority of men suck at good communication…and some don’t want to face the hard part/work to maintain their marriage and would rather go on ignoring their problems and seek some other form of their needs being met…messaging others…gaming…porn…The list goes on…

Third, here is the good sign…he says he’s willing to work it out and go to counseling and says he is willing to do what is necessary to stay together…whether he stays true to his word is yet to be determined, but it is a start with noting…

But if you feel in your heart…and gut…that you want to give it your best try…My best advice is proceed with caution…just be more alert…be clear about your thresholds and boundaries and that you will not continue to try and work on things if this happens again…your biggest enemy will be social platforms and apps…especially if he’s developed any level of addiction to this attention he says he was wrapped up in

Here are my major red flags I am getting…they ALL should be addressed and honestly in counseling may be the better place to address them…for a mediator…

Ppl can’t just go onto someone’s regular Instagram and get their personal phone number…he had to have given her his number…period

He only appears to have come clean because he got caught…which means had the slip ups not happened he likely would’ve continued for who knows how long and you still would’ve remained in the dark

He got caught with talking to one other female…but he could’ve been potentially messaging who knows how many others via the messaging platforms available on nearly all major social media outlets…hell even game apps have messaging…you’ve got messaging apps…Facebook messenger…Facebook groups…Instagram messaging…Snapchat…freaking Twitter :woman_facepalming:t3:…The list goes on…hell there’s even a calculator app that has a secret messenger platform so I’ve heard! And to top it off Facebook messenger has a folder for “secret” messages…which is so convenient for cheaters…So considering his lack of self control, THE ONLY way he will be able to work on things with you is to eliminate all forms of Temptation…No more social media…No more apps of any kind that allow for communication with female strangers…PERIOD…literally the only way I can see him having access to Facebook even would be if y’all maintained a joint account so that you are privy to any and all contact made with others…this seems extreme…but most men that have cheating tendencies cannot keep their “hands to themselves” so to speak when the temptation is so readily and easily accessible…sort of like an alcoholic with alcohol all around them…they are more likely to take a drink…

Next, you will both have to recognize this for what it truly is…it IS cheating…he never has to lay a finger on another woman and it would still be cheating…if any man or woman in a relationship flirts, talks intimately, or gives excessive attention and time to another…that’s cheating…it’s emotional infidelity and it is just as hurtful and breaks the trust just as much as physical cheating does…so you both have to call it what it is…he was cheating…plain and simple

No more excuses or trivialization of what he did…No more but he only talked to them…or he tried to stop…or any other form of excuse to try and buffer the severity of his actions…this will get y’all nowhere in trying to forgive and move forward in any sort of healthy relationship…

I’ll say it again…BE VERY CLEAR AND BLUNT about your expectations in order for you to be able to emotionally move forward to working things out…be clear about what you’ll need from him in order to work towards rebuilding trust…and make sure he understands that he cannot half ass it or make excuses

Go to counseling…most marriage counselors will do sessions with you both together as well as one on one time to properly get the whole picture…seek such a counselor out that both of you can agree on and feel comfortable with…and don’t miss your sessions…going to counseling takes more than showing up and he needs to understand that…he needs to know he has to participate fully…and not shrug his way through it if he really wants things to move forward in a life with you…

Have contingencies in place for you and your children…mentally create a cushion for the reality that this could happen again…not so much so that you don’t put forth a full effort to work things out or be pessimistic but enough to proceed with caution and not be absolutely devastated and blind sided if he does fail on his end…it’s a tall order he’s going to have to fulfill and a good majority fail that test…unfortunately

Just work on preparing yourself emotionally so that you can handle what needs to be done for yourself and your children in the event things don’t go in a positive direction despite your efforts…

Wishing you the best of luck…listen to your heart and gut…so sorry you are going through this experience, but either direction it goes you will be ok…You will get through it no matter the outcome…You will heal…give yourself the time you need…give yourself the mental peace and the time to reach that mental peace…it’s still a grieving process of sorts…letting go of the part of the relationship you thought you had in order to move forward with whatever the relationship needs to become…it will be different no matter which direction it goes…it will be different either way

Remember to be Alone is alone and if you leave him to find someone new…you only trade one problem for another…no one’s perfect. It’s your decision, but counseling could be first.

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Everybody needs an ego boost every once in awhile. Seems innocent honestly. If it was me as long as I get to see it and know all about it. It wouldn’t bother me really. Flirting isn’t as bad as everyone makes it out to be. As long as I don’t see straight up Vagina! Thats just disgusting.

I think this is one of those situations where only you can make the decision if its worth fighting for or walking away. Yes your hurting, and will probably hurt for awhile. He also needs to realize that he’s the one who made you lose your trust in him, so therefore he needs to earn it back overtime. He needs to also put action into your marriage to show you that he wants to work on it and he’s sorry.

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Divorce his unfaithful ass. Lol have respect for yourself.

Do you want to go through things with him or someone else. I definitely wouldn’t trust him again but in these times with social media it’s pretty much inevitable. So you just have to decide how bad you want this marriage to work. If you leave him you’ll more than likely end up with someone else who does the same thing or worse. Sad but true.

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He’s only sorry because he got caught, next time he’ll make sure he doesn’t get caught. You’re not Throwing your marriage away, he did. You need to love yourself more & leave. Not all men are like him.

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You can’t get phone numbers off Instagram for one. And secondly you’re gullible as hell if you believe this story

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There are people who scam on social media. If he is truly sorry get the woman’s number and personally tell her to stop texting your man. How would he like it if a random guy started texting you?

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Dont leave a 15y mariage 20y relation the guy willing to go to counsling do it mariage is for beter or worst

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Leave . He is only sorry because he got caught. He wasn’t sorry when he was doing it.

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Why do it in the first place must have had the thoughtin his head You would never have found out only he made a boo boo … How one cantrust again , IM SURE YOULL WORK IT OUT … XXX :kissing_heart:

It usually always starts out small and then probably one day you’ll find out that he met up with someone. I would try to fix things now with counseling. But if something like this happens again I think that gives you your answer about what you should do. I hate this for you and other men and women that go through this. It’s so much more common now that social media is a thing. Good luck

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Some of this advice is mind blowing to me. I’m sorry you went through this I really am. But I’d be cautious about a lot of this advice on here. Too many woman with similar experiences still hurt and jaded is not a place to get advice. That’s my advice. I hope you find what’s right for you. :heart:

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Don’t make any decision while you are emotional…give yourself time

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You just taught him that he needs to learn to hide better and to be a better cheater. Of course he’s on his knees…he got caught! What was the next step had you not caught him? Also, how do you know this is the first time or the last? He may love you but it’s obvious he is not in love with you or he wouldn’t even think about these things or crave attention from other women. Unless you want to spend the rest of your life playing I spy :female_detective: or being his warden, it’s time to move on. It takes two for a marriage and you have already lost…once a cheater always a cheater. He needs to kick rocks 🪨 :woman_shrugging:t3:

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Go to therapy first see if that works to save your marriage and be 100% honest about how you feel about the trust and everything has to come out everything you have to talk about everything from your side and his perspective. If that doesn’t work girlfriend you know you need to cut the ties then

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What does he need Instagram for. I would have him remove app. He doesn’t need that. I’m 47 years old single and don’t do intagram.

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Okay he got caught so he owned up. You don’t mention what you’ve forgiven him in the past about. But if it’s nothing like this ( this is cheating) and you love him I would give him chance, only because he didn’t meet up with her. It’s still really bad but it’s fixable. Marriage is hard and forgiveness is a part of life. If he had met her I would be done. He didn’t but it’s still very serious. You made vows through thick and thin. It’s easy for people to say leave him. You’ve 3 kids together. It’s not easy just to get up and go. I would give him a very serious ultimation. If he ever does anything like this again there’ll be no talking. The Marriage will end. Make him scared to lose you.

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I want to know what other poor choices he has made.

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Delete all social media and marriage counseling. You will see there if he wants to save your marriage and/ or it’s worth saving.

Wow! I honestly cant imagine being in your shoes. To get the text was the universe knowing you deserved to know what he was doing. Would he have ever told you had you not received the text? Oh I’d have so many questions. I’ve been married 9 years together 16 and my heart just breaks for you. If my husband did that I couldnt even know what to do. I’d definitely need him to go somewhere for a bit so I can think about it. Or I’d need to go on a trip, just to get away. I’m sorry this happened to you. I’d probably beat my husband to death lol it’s so hurtful. I definitely couldnt trust him on social media anymore. Counseling would definitely be necessary as well.

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Pretty sure you already know the answer in your heart you are just looking for validation on here. Know your worth lady❤️

Went through this recently actually. Give yourself time to handle your emotions and pinpoint what actual emotions you are feeling and why. Come to a decision and then talk about it with him. My husband and I decided we don’t talk to the opposite sex unless it about kids, work, or anything essential. But talking just because is a no go now.

Sweetie he is a pathological liar and if he was going to stop it would have already happened. If the roles were reverse and you had sent nudes and comments to another man would he be so easily forgiving or just act as though it never happened. Trust is extremely hard to gain back once it has been broken. Even if you think you trust them again there is always a voice in the back of your mind questioning something.

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Try counseling and see where it goes. You can’t keep bringing it up once you forgive him. Make your decision and give it everything you have. Only you know if he’s worth it. Only you know what you can handle

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Delete all social media and make him projects to work on. Travel together, go on dates be prettier and if that nothing helps you have to decide which one is good for you.

Only you know if your relationship is salvageable. If you do forgive him, everything has to be out in the open. He would have to reassure you constantly for as ever long as you see fit. And that could take years. His following actions will determine if he needed a wake up call or he isn’t as good as you think. I personally would walk away if I knew without a shadow of a doubt it was sexual. Don’t leave because you are being told to, look at your entire relationship as a whole.