How should I approach this?

So…my fiance’s ex wife and he “hate” each other but they both have each other’s family’s and themselves on FB. They talk often and always through FB messanger…they are terrible at getting along and do not co parent, or even attempt. Is it wrong of me to be annoyed that he refuses to get rid of her on FB and uses it to look at her photos and all? I think it’s bullshit and I’m pretty much over it. How would y’all approach this situation and conversation?

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How should I approach this?

They have kids. They post pics of kids. Really selfish and childish to be jealous of being friends on Facebook.

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Is it about the kids though? I font think I’d be mad unless you know for a fact theirs more between them.

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I wouldn’t care but why is he looking at her photos??

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I think it’s ridiculous. Him deleting his kids family off FB would just make it worse. Trust me. Been there, done that. As in me deleting everyone. As I matured… ANYTHING negative hurts the CHILD. No one more. I still to this day don’t think I need them on my FB, Bc it’s MY new life, but their children, grandkids are a part of that. If y’all had a good relationship… this wouldn’t be an issue.

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No. That’s the mother of his kids. She posts, he looks. Probably to see pics of his kids.
Just ask him. “Why do you look at her profile so much?” Communication is key.

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That’s the mother of his kids and his ex wife. She’s always going to be around. Get over it.

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If he has kids with her you are 10000% overreacting.

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My boyfriend has his ex on his profile and I have my ex on my profile I don’t see a problem with it I mean we talk about the kids …I could understand if it wasn’t about the kids and having conversations about there day or conversations in general that have nothing to do with the kids …

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None of that makes any kind of sense…

They don’t co-parent and they hate each other, but they’re always talking to one another on social media? Children together or not, you don’t add someone as a friend on social media and talk to them all the time if you hate them.

Granted, they share a child, so they’re always going to be in one another’s lives, but it sounds to me like one or the other is still hanging onto some feelings.

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Yes it is of wrong you. My husband has 2 kids with his ex wife…we have to see her, speak to her every other weekend and that’s okay because I LOVE my step kids and her (and their father of course) are the reason my sweet step sons are here. So, I respect her and care for her because they love her. Are we friends? Not necessarily. But shes always gonna be in our lives. Your fiances ex wife will literally always be there. You gotta get over it or get with someone who has no past lol

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That’s his family wether you like it or not 💁 you can’t just expect him to remove them because they have their issues and don’t co-parent well, at the end of the day THOSE ARE HIS CHILDREN smfh sounds a little petty to me

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Move on kids are shared if you can not handle that pretty petty …

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Don’t they have children together? I tag my ex in pictures of our kids! They are still his children.

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Of course he keeps her on his fb that’s the mother of his children, he probably wants to see what his kids are up too. I wouldn’t be worried personally

All depends on the maturity level, I feel. In your situation it seems that he wants to keep up with her. It would be a different story if they were co-parenting well and had no animosity towards each other. as for the rest of the family members that’s okay, but ex fiancé? Na.

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Keep your friends close and your enemies closer 🤷

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Seems like you’re jealous lol.

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And? Thats the mother of his children? Why should he have to remove her and family etc just because YOU don’t agree with how their coparenting relationship works?
Obviously it seems you despise her for some reason you didn’t add in your story. Get OVER it. Don’t isolate the man and make him delete people as I makes you seem like a control freak.

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A lot of people keep there ex on fb. I don’t because I can’t stand him.He’s probably keeping her on to spy on her or he still has feelings. You can block her so she can’t see anything on you. If he hates her that much why worry?

I do not have my ex on mine nor does my husband. You can share pics through messenger and you don’t have to be friends to talk. Talking through messenger is smart if they don’t get alone or in text form period it gives them both proof of what’s said. The only reason to stay fb friends is to keep tabs on one another which is petty. If they hate each other it’s pretty stupid to remain fb friends.

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Btw being the mother of his children does not mean a hill of beans. I’m a mother it does not give me gold stars :joy: nor does it grant respect in any form.

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Girl you are not wrong for being upset. I don’t know what’s up with the comment section but if you are still friends with your ex on Facebook then you better start looking for another relationship. There is something called boundaries and they have none. Having kids is no excuse for him to be watching her posts and her page. I can be amicable and wouldn’t mind doing birthdays and family get togethers but it sounds more like he is watching her every move. Now as for her family, those are people he grew a bond with. Sounds to me like he’s not over her and I would NOT be thinking marriage if that was my fiancée. If I have to tell my man what’s appropriate and what’s not he wouldn’t be my man.

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Thats the mother of his children.Respect that or go🙄 Regardless him and her will have some type of contact for the rest of their lives…grow up🤨

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Simple give an ultimatum tell them to get rid if they don’t see the kid or leave problem solved

I’m friends with my ex and his wife. I think you need to back up a little and realize they have kids together. If you’re feeling jealous, dig deep and figure out why. Heal that part of you.

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:rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl: deal with it or leave…or are you just desperate to get married…?

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I guess I’m the opposite. I get annoyed bc i want my husband & his ex to get along for the kids. I wish they were friends on Facebook. Unfortunately she makes all of that impossible bc of her own jealousy & insecurity issues. I would’ve done anything for his kids to grow up without all the dysfunction. If you’re that insecure, you’re not good for him or his kids.

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Look, every person has a different relationship with their exs. Some hate them, some stay friends, even best friends. Some ditch the family, some keep in touch. And some mature, reasonable adults keep their exs on social media to share photos. Not only to their other parent, but to the family as well. They may hate each other, but it obviously sounds like they have some forms of agreement in the co-parenting department. Share your concerns with him and if you still don’t like it/his answers, then leave.

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My husband does not have his ex on Facebook and they share children together and neither are trying to be friends on Facebook but they still can get in touch with each other because they have kids together. When they talk it’s only briefly and in regards to the children. My ex husband is not my friend either and we have children together but we still know how to reach each other. It’s always good when parents get along for the sake of the children. But I also believe ppl use the kids as an excuse to still keep tabs and keep in contact with their ex.

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I have my children’s father on fB my boyfriend doesn’t much like it but he understands bc he’s the kids father. I think it’s okay that you feel a bit frustrated over this but she will forever be a part of your life as long as your together.

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I mean, I guess I’m half and half. You say they don’t get along or co-parent, but does he see his kids often? Maybe he has her on fb so he can see photos of his kids. If he’s not reacting to her photos or post, or sending her sexual shit or whatever, I wouldn’t worry about it. If there is something still there, he wouldn’t use a public platform to show it.

They hate each other… They speak all the time on Facebook… :triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post: Sounds like alot of messy unresolved feelings… Good luck!! :four_leaf_clover::crossed_fingers:

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It’s his Facebook not yours so there’s that. If they hate each other and aren’t doing anything to harm your relationship then you have to work on yourself. Why does this bother you? You don’t have to look at her page. You can block her and not see her at all.

Like especially in a shitty coparenting situation I absolutely would tell you to fuck off too.

He still loves that girl and I would walk away lmao

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I’d probably leave you

Who cares. He may use it to see what’s going on in the lives of people that are involved in his kids lives. That’s what people do when they have kids. If you can’t handle the fact that he may see his EX wife’s pictures then you need some therapy for your insecurities and immaturity.

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Seems like you don’t trust him, which like don’t know the story here but without trust a relationship doesn’t work, and if you feel like you can’t trust him with someone he “hates” then you won’t ever trust him in situations where you can’t supervise his personal relationships with other women. Which is controlling to do, you can set boundaries but you can’t force the mother of his child out of his life, and if he’s that shady a dude to you that you can’t let him have his child’s family on Facebook then youre both better off moving on

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If they aren’t co-parenting then why are they talking?

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Is this really the hill you want to die on? Let it go……

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50% of this makes me think you’re over reacting but if hes still checking out her photos it’s kind of weird. If his kids are involved obviously that’s a good reason but if she’s posting selfie‘s it’s :woozy_face:

If they have kids, I don’t see a problem with it :woman_shrugging:t2: my man has a kid with his ex but she never lets him see his kid so he tries to keep in contact with her. As far as the photos go, he’s probably just trying to see a pic of his kids. If they have trouble coparenting, it’s really none of your business. I have a kid with 2 on the way with him but I stay far away from his situation with his ex because it’s just not my place to get involved. The man has a pre made family that you’re gonna have to except or else I would say leave if you can’t handle it.

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Babe it’s not a matter of being jealous, or immature something doesn’t sound right. Why talk to somebody through messenger that you supposedly can’t get along with. There’s some build up there between them so be careful.

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Hate is an emotion like love. As long as you hate someone you still have feelings for them. If not you wouldn’t care enough to hate. Just my observation.

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He’s still in love with her :confused: I’m so sorry :confused:

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If there’s kids involved it’s a lot more complicated.

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I wouldn’t give any man the satisfaction that I care or that it bothers me. You don’t need him and he should be aware that you have that attitude about yourself. Just remember you also have the option to look and like old boyfriends profiles and pictures too. :wink:

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Unless it’s to see pictures of his kids, why does he need to have her as a friend?

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They dont hate each other. He only says it because of your insecurities. Secondly there failure to co parent is probably one of the reasons they aint together no more. U knew what u walked into. U can’t possibly ask him to cut out his child or children’s family? Then what? My suggestion is figure out what works for u in that blended family if not walk before u marry and become another bitter ex​:woman_shrugging:t5: since everyone is bitter :rofl::joy::woozy_face::skull:

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Don’t walk/ RUN! Find someone who hasn’t been married.

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A civil conversation needs to be had. You need to calmly, not accusing, ask him why he is still friends with her on social media yet hates her. If his answer is for the kids then ask him if he can’t share those images through an email. Then tell him it makes you uncomfortable that he is still social media friends yet hates her. If he dismisses your feelings he is gaslighting you. If he cares about your feelings he will work it out so you both are on the same page. Then you will know if he’s the guy for you.

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Lol… I mean… Lmfao…
THEY HAVE KIDS.
she probably posts the kids.
Don’t be jealous, she doesn’t want him.
Plus on the flip side if there is ever a custody battle it’s good to be able TO SEE EVERYTHING.

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Nothing about co parenting needs social media access. They can text like norma people. There’s def more there

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FB causes the hate cuz they make eachother jealous. He definitely should be dumping her if he is ready to move on. They can still use messenger.

I mean co parenting really has NOTHING to do with social media. She can send piks to him or create him own damn memories. Their is NO SENSE in being friends on social media :face_with_raised_eyebrow:

I really depends on the circumstances. My SO is friends with his ex on Facebook. He never looks at her Facebook and speaks with her through phone calls and texts. They have a child together. I never really cared that he has her on Facebook. To me it seems like it would be weird not to lol. She shares pictures of his child. Etc. it makes it harder to coparent if you act like things are weird and you can’t get along with the other parent. I will say… tho if my SO I was keeping tabs on his ex and always like cared what’s she was up to and doing and couldn’t get along with her… because he was upset…. That seems like someone who still has feelings invested. We’re all very transparent and kind to eachother in this group of parents. His ex and I also text and call eachother and do pick ups and drop offs without my SO present. So idk.

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I’ll be the odd ball out here and say you’re over reacting a bit. I’m friends with my ex husband, his wife, and his entire family. So is my boyfriend. That’s my kids’ family, why wouldn’t I want to be friends with them and let the kids see us all getting along? Stop thinking about yourself and put the kids first.

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He can delete her even if he has children with her out of respect for you but if he chooses not to then you already know what position you have… 2nd place isn’t comfortable. Those saying they have children and you’ll always come second isn’t true -a man who loves you will respect you and give you your place in his life and when you start having his children be secure that y’all’s family is priority and not “you’ll always be second” like many mention.

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I have my husbands ex on my Facebook because they don’t get along at all more on her part because my husband is a very calm person but because he wouldn’t argue with her it goes through me .Im guessing he’s looking through her pictures because he’s wanting to see what she’s doing and her family.Maybe he’s trying to find something to use against her expecially if he’s complained about her parenting.If he thinks she’s not taking care of the kid right or having his child around people he don’t want the child around.Is the conversations arguing about the kids or just them arguing over old stuff?or is it just them talking peacefully if it’s peacefully I would be concerned only because around you they don’t get along but if it’s arguing about old stuff about when they were together I would be mad at that to because he’s moved on with you he shouldn’t be caring about any of that and if she texting him then he doesn’t have to reply.I would have a serious sit down and tell him he needs to be honest about why this is happening and it needs to stop.

I think you should grow up. They were married and have kids. “hate” eachother or not they have kids. I’m f you can’t deal with them talking or even just being friends on Facebook you probably shouldn’t be with someone who has kids.

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You are not over it.

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If they hate each other, why do you care?

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My fiancé has his ex on social media and they don’t have anything tied together. She’s got a dude and well we are engaged :woman_shrugging:t3:
I have friend who’s been wanting to date me for years. We are friends on fb. It’s trust and loyalty. Plus social media or not if shits going to happen it will happen. Im not going to stress over it till we are there.

I noticed you said they have each other’s family as Facebook friends. Does that bother you too? Just because people divorce that doesn’t mean that the whole family need to write each other off. As far as him being Facebook friends with his ex wife, maybe that’s how he keeps up with what his kids are doing. Me personally, I wouldn’t care unless I found out something inappropriate was going on. HOWEVER, you’re entitled to your feelings so just say something. If that’s your fiancé you should not be afraid to have an open dialogue when something is bothering you. :woman_shrugging:t4:

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Repeat with me HE DOES NOT HAVE TO BE FRIENDS WITH HER TO COMMUNICATE WITH HER…. If the dislike is so great that they can’t be civil via calls or text why is messenger or being on her Facebook any different :thinking: Then you point out they can’t co-parent so does that not worry you if things go wrong with y’all someone will be writing this about YOU :sneezing_face:😮‍💨

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He clearly isn’t over her

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I am still friends with all of my exs family and before he passed I talked to him all the time still about our kids and I was friends with his friends too so don’t be so insecure and don’t make it about you it is what it is if you aren’t comfortable then don’t be with him.

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If his still lurking on her…his not over her…

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I have my kids dads on Facebook and their new partners and families… I’m confused on why they talk on messenger if you say they don’t get along or coparent? But if y’all can all get along… I don’t see the issue. I hang out with my stepsons mom all the time… I got a new friend and get to see him more!

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They don’t hate each other if they are friends on Facebook. Sorry but he’s lying to you. I have my ex husband and his entire family blocked on my FB.

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Does he have children with the ex??

You have a right to be annoyed. You don’t have a right to dictate his relationship with him and his child’s mother. Don’t cause problems because of your insecurities.

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It’s funny that they “don’t get along, refuse to co-parent” and “hate” eachother yet you say they speak regularly through fb messenger. What are they speaking about then?
BTW, you can use messenger to communicate with people you aren’t friends with

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He is a package deal as he has kids with her

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Maybe he uses her fb to spy and make sure his kid is okay.

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My ex and his gf truly hate me ( call me names, degrade me etc) no way is he on my fb or me on his or our families etc

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https://www.facebook.com/reel/2481172528681846?fs=e&s=na

You seem like a jealous woman I hope he doesn’t marry you

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I have my ex husband and his family on my fb. Me and him don’t get along all the time but we have kids together and he will always be in my life.

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Tell him all he is doing is causing drama in your relationship. He left her because of her drama - be done with it and turn the page.

It’s social media, they were married, grow up.

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Iget it. My bf has his ex and mom of 3 of his kids…no pics of the grands on her fb page only pics of her and sometimes her bf…yet my bf is always looking at her page

My ex and I are not friends on FB. We don’t need to be a part of each other lives, only need to know our daughter is safe when with the other. I only communicate with his parents. 5 years and we are civil. His sister talks crap about me within earshot of our daughter, another issue in itself.

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Was this not going on before you agreed to marry him?

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As a co parent myself I have my ex and some of his family on my fb still.

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They have kids together they are staying on FB just because they hate each other doesn’t mean the other one doesn’t want anything they can use against each other so keeping FB is there way of staying nosy!

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My ex and I are like that, however we use an app called Talking parents. You have to pay for it but the courts can see it, you can’t delete any messages and everything is time stamped.

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you’re stepping into a ready made mess, stay in your lane… no reason to get upset they’re on each other’s social media, his past made him who you want to be with today… :woman_shrugging:

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Oh girlfriend!!! They do NOT hate eachother, they in fact are totally enfatuated with one another :rofl: id leave him alone n find someone to obsses over me. The rest are just excuses, and nosyness!

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you dont have a right to tel lhim not to talk to his kids mom. sorry but no.

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I think you all need to grow up. :woman_shrugging:t3: You’re grown ass adults. You know what’s wrong and what’s right. You know if you’re being childish and petty and you also know you need to stop with the bullshit and just do what needs to be done regardless if it’s not what you WANT. Sometimes what we want isnt what needs to be done.

Probably a good thing they don’t co parent I don’t think you can handle it

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I donr have my ex on fb. But thats cause hes a narcissistic ass. But i have my mans baby momma on my fb and so does he. And it dont bother me. Probably because ive known her for well over 10 years.

IMO Most men will probably never completely let go of the woman that gives him his first child that made him a dad. so that’s probably something your going to have to accept unfortunately.

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Over reacting. Even if my husband and I ever split I won’t be removing him or his family, I love his family so much!

I would think them being on each other’s Facebook would be a positive thing for their children because of seeing how they are doing looking at pictures

Jeez, I think if they did co-parent and get along your head would explode. Stay in your lane and choose your battles. This isn’t one.

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If you dont trust him why are you with him

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