He can not take away court mandated visitation time. If he refuses to bring her anyways, you document that and call the police and let them know he’s violating a court order and they will help you retrieve your child.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How should I handle a tricky custody situation?
I’d be going to the courthouse if he has legal full custody of her. You need to get split custody or he can do whatever he wants, and she should be old enough to be able to choose or have a say in where she goes
Sounds like you need to call a lawyer instead of asking legal advice on Facebook.
Tell the truth, you can’t go wrong there.
Do you have a visitation schedule through the courts. If not and he has custody I think he can dictate when you get her. You should have something set by the courts that he has to follow. I would go and try for shared custody.
You should be documenting everything and go change your custody agreement with a lawyer
Work it out that you get the time of your choice at a later date. It’s give and take and if he’s got custody and has been allowing you more time with your daughter, it doesn’t sound like a malicious request to me.
His past relationship with his family may have changed now that he’s got a new wife. He may also be allowing your daughter to meet many members of his side of her family.
If you don’t have any custody placement of her, then yes he can do what ever he wants as far as letting you see her or not. Gather proof that you have been sharing custody time and prepare to go to court.
If he doesn’t retaliate ask him if you guys can petition the court to reflect your agreement. You can print the paperwork off the court website, fill it out yourselves and send it in to be signed by a judge.
He has a right to know where his daughter went espically if he has legal custody . Obviously you don’t have full time custody for a reason and yes he can take your partnering rights away if he want to court and found out she was in some kind of danger. Tell him the truth or your 13 year old can when she goes back to him js. It’s better coming from you then putting yalls child on the spot. Plus what do you have to hide
If he has legal full custody. He only has to allow you the time the courts put in the original paper work.
Save yourself the drama and the money and just apologize and tell him you didn’t mean to offend anyone by letting her go and that you hope it doesn’t effect your time with her.
Your first mistake was letting her go without his permission as it is his family. There may be reasons as to why he doesn’t stay in contact with with them. I definitely would just try to apologize. Going to court will stir up a can of worms you don’t want to. Especially if he’s giving you more time than your supposed to be getting. Be grateful
Tell the truth.
I would’ve asked him though first if it were okay for her to go because it is his family and he might have a reason to keep her away from them. They might have become toxic and that’s why he doesn’t talk to them
Court is your best option. Less drama with arguments and the child is old enough to decide where she wants to be.
Take him to court she’s 13 she can speak her opinion
Reread your court ordered stipulation. If it’s (your time) you can dictate the result. If the child’s with you on (his legal time) he is within legal rights. That all Any cop or Courts will recognize. Does the child want to go? Sounds like the situation is going well … Remember that in your decision as well.
It’s simple and you do not need a lawyer to petition the family courts for a motion to modify. Take ALL the personal (he doesn’t see his family etc…) out of your decisions. Do what is healthy for the child and for her to have both birth parents that work with each other will be a Giant Blessing in her future and current mental health.
Best of luck
He has legal custody, he should know where his daughter is. He’s not asking you because he doesn’t know, he’s asking to see if you’ll lie. You should have 100% discussed it with his before the event took place. You made your bed lie in it.
I’m from Oregon too. I support getting everything court ordered.
Sounds like y’all have managed to coparent without the court order you should be both doing your best to keep it that way. Tell the truth and have an honest conversation with him about it.
I don’t know about Oregon but in Washington State a child can choose at 13 which parent to live with. If there is any parenting plan in place your ex cannot just take away visitations without going to court. As far as the wedding goes you need to be honest with himthat she went he will find out anyways, better from you and her than elsewhere.
Explain she requested it
Yes if there is a problem, take it to court.
She’s basically old enough to choose where she wants to be. Legally there’s nothing he can do about you letting her attend a family event as long as it was safe.
You wrote that he and his wife have legal custody. So yes they could cut down your time. You sent her somewhere out of your home in a place he isn’t comfortable with. Sounds like you need to go to court and petition for 50/50 custody.
Knowing that he doesn’t associate with his family you should’ve asked him first but since it’s done all you can tell him is that you’re sorry and that she asked you if she could go
Be honest because he likely already knows and he’s giving you the rope to see if you’re gonna hang yourself with it or if you’re going to be honest. Yes, he would be within his legal right as custodial parent to take away time with you that hasn’t been specifically designated by court ordered. He has been generous and it sounds to me like you may have overstepped here and should have discussed letting your daughter attend a wedding for his family with him before allowing her to go. He clearly has his reasons for not allowing his family in his and your daughters lives so for you to make that decision without talking to him wasn’t wise. You made a choice and whatever the consequences of that choice are now you have to deal with them….if that means you end up back in court then so be it.
If he has full legal custody he only has to allow what’s on the original paperwork. It sounds like he’s willing to work with you. Skip the drama and money of court and just communicate with him.
No no. Tell him yes she went. He can’t dictate where you go with her as long as u don’t leave the state. And if u can prove he has willingly given u more time and u had her most of the summer, courts can rule in your favor and do a 50/50 agreement.
For the fact that he has full custody and he is letting you have her outside no court agreement. U have to run things he isn’t okay with by him first. Remember he is the one with the legal right and you have been given an equal ish right thats shouldn’t let u over step apologize really because you really over stepped
If he has legal custody, he can take your time. Hopefully you have documented she has been with you, and now that she is 13(the age they listen to the child’s wishes), you can file for a modification and ask that the order be changed to week on/week off as it has been going.
He cannot dictate what you do during your time, but if your time is not ordered, he absolutely can stop it.
Well if he has legal custody then he can dictate and you could get in trouble. If you are wanting to change the custody arrangement you should go through the courts
Always take the higher road…but get it in writing (email is best) so it can be used if needed in the future for court proceedings.
If he has legal custody then he has the right to make all the decisions and you made one without having legal custody. You shouldn’t of let him have legal custody cuz now he has all the rights to make decisions for the child not you
You need to write down every day that you have had her and every day she was with them. If you have had her more than your parenting plan dictates take that to court and file a parenting time modification.
I would also let her decide if she wants to go. She is of age to have a judge take her request under consideration.
If you have visitation then what you let her do on your time is up to you. He can take away extra visitation if its not in court documents though
Let your daughter choose if she wants to go.
Let her choose. She has a right to meet the family on his side too. Obviously, something has changed if he has been invited to the wedding.
As long as the child is safe you can allow them to spend time with other family on your time. He cannot have a say unless it’s written in your documents that you guys have to give permission etc. Otherwise he cannot dictate anything.
She was with you on ur time. It’s not his business. He doesn’t speak to them but you do. A judge won’t frown upon it. You want her to be around family
You need to go to court and have everything changed then. Contact a lawyer also. Also make sure everything for now on is thru text or email and not phone calls
Okay I was worried that I might of stewed it up I know you have appointments too.what did your doc say after you told her about the Spiders ?
Sorry don’t know what hap send this text to a friend and it showed up here ,lol
Go to court and petition for custody before you give her back
Yes he can retaliate if you don’t have a parenting agreement in writing giving you allotted time. BUT, she is 13. She will make his life hell if she wants to see you but isn’t allowed to.
If he doesn’t speak to them how did he find out. And he should not be able to dictate what you do on your time or what you let her do.
Usually it comes down to you do what you want while she’s with you, as long as it’s safe and responsible and he shouldn’t be able to tell you anything as long as she’s back with him when she’s supposed to be. Personally if my child has been with me more than his dad and I don’t have custody, I would be going to file a motion regarding the parent child relationship and having the custody arrangement changed. If y’all live in the same school district or close enough to get her to school within a reasonable time frame, like less than 30 minutes, there shouldn’t be any issue with how often y’all switch her back. I would be filing to change custody regardless of what his issues are. Just cause he chooses not to be in contact with his family doesn’t mean his daughter has to suffer, unless they’re just horrible toxic people.
He can’t take away what is court ordered without being in contempt of the court order.
And you have hopefully documented everything being 50/50 and her residing with you most of the summer.
Does he have physical placement with you having joint custody or physical placement and full custody?
There is a difference between them. 50/50 physical placement she resides with both. If he has physical placement she resides with him. Joint custody everything needs to be jointly discussed (school,medical…etc.), if he has full custody he doesn’t need to notify you of anything…you however need to notify him of everything. Like you can’t even take her to the doctors because doctors can’t legally talk with you.
If you have no visitation on file with the courts then you need to go yesterday and file.
I would tell him the truth and if he retaliates file in court to have the order modified.
But document, document…
I’ve documented everything for the last 13ish years (my son is 16 and I still do)
You need legal advice based on the court of where you live. Good luck!
He has legal custody…so I’m guessing he also has primary physical custody as well?
If that’s the case he doesn’t have to let you have any visitation aside from what is stipulated in the court order.
If the court order says week on week off the he has to go with that. However, it doesn’t if it says you get (for example) weekends then that’s all he has to let you have.
Now. I’m going to address something not in your question but it’s pertinent.
You knew how he felt about his family and y’all’s child interacting with him. Did you consider there’s likely a reason he doesn’t talk to them?
That reason…may very well depend on how he reacts.
Even taking it to court…depending on the reasons for lack of contact with his family a judge might agree that you showed a serious lack of good judgement.
I would say that you need to tell him and be ready to listen to him bitch because it will upset him. I would apologize. I would personally also take the time to understand why he is so adamant against his family being involved. And the apologize again and promise that you won’t do it again.
This isn’t like you letting her go to your mom’s who he just doesn’t like.
This is his own family we’re talking about…so it’s likely not just something petty.
You were allowed to let her go and there isn’t anything he can say about it. However, he is letting you have extra visitation and if you piss him off, he can revoke it and there isn’t anything you can do. What you CAN do, is petition the court for 50/50 custody and state that has been your arrangement for the past year and you just want it in writing in an order. If you have texts or emails that can back up your story that you have had her for 50% of the time, that would help you immensely
No he cannot dictate what you do on your parenting time unless something was put into the papers about said things. If he’s been giving you extra time outside of what the papers say, he can most definitely take away that extra parenting time he’s giving that he doesn’t have to
Go back to court. Here in texas children can choose where to live at age 12
You need to go back to court and have the custody orders amended.
If they have legal custody, I’m going to assume there is already a custody order in place. If that is the case, then yes, he can revert back to that court order at anytime. If you want to change it, you would need to file, but until anything ia settled by the courts, the current order stands and needs to be filed.
Your daughter has a federally protected 1st Amendment right to free speech and association which includes family.
“Constitutional rights do not mature and come in to being magically only when one attains the state defined age of majority. Minors, as well as adults, are protected by the Constitution and possess constitutional rights”. Planned Parenthood of Central Mo v Danforth, 428 U.S. 52, 74 (1974)
Board of Directors of Rotary Int’l v. Rotary Club of Duarte, 481 US 537 545 (Supreme Court 1987), (We have emphasized that the First Amendment protects those relationships, including family relationships, that presuppose “deep attachments and commitments to the necessarily few other individuals with whom one shares not only a special community of thought, experiences, and beliefs but also distinctly personal aspects on one’s life.”)
Legal custody is different then physical. Who has physical custody of said child? I have sole legal and physical custody of both of my children, father has no visitation.
You should probably discuss this with an attorney. Like you said it’s a tricky situation and there are some variables to consider. Such as:
How did he get full custody? Did you voluntarily give him custody or was it a battle in court? Was there a prior issue with you that caused you to lose custody.
You shouldn’t have to fear retaliation when it comes to your child. If you voluntarily gave him custody, I would petition the court for joint custody if not full. Your daughter is old enough now to have some input. Good luck.
She is 13. She can choose now.
Not sure on the law…but it sounds like an informal agreement regarding time spent with you and thats brilliant till something like this crops up
If you have set parenting time then I’d assume no…as long as you’re not putting your daughter at risk he cannot dictate
If its a formal agreement with additional informal parenting time then im pretty sure he would be able to stop those extra visits …obviously I could be very wrong in saying that
I think you need legal advice tbh. Discuss going back to court so your daughter can give her views on time she spends with you…at 13yo she’s old enough to have a say…though that might interfere with what sounds like a good relationship between you and her Dad.
Shes 13 shes old enpugh to choose, most family law masters will ask that child what they want.
If he has custody of her he can do what he wants right?
Your situation is not too different from mine except the my ex and I have 50/50 legal custody. But I have primary physical custody. My older two children do not want anything to do with their father, but he tries to push them and bully them into letting him have time with them. They are 14 and 15. Unfortunately here in Mississippi I would have to take him to court to get anything changed and my children would have to testify against him.
Do not do any favors for the Father!
It was used against me in Court!
I have many regrets.
My Daughter’s Father would just drop her off at my doorstep without communicating with me. She was on drugs and not going to school.
I made her get a job and then she disliked her looser friends!
She is now a homeowner with my beautiful Grandson & Granddaughter!
She is old enough to be able to tell a court how much time she wants to spend places. Id get a modified agreement. He doesnt get to dictate your time.
If he has legal custody of her well yes he can do it he is just being polite by consulting you so why you being so petty
File a request to modify parenting time. Whatever parenting time was last agreed on in court is technically what they will go by.
Honestly is always the beat policy. ALWAYS. Text him back the truth, explain, be very honest. If he does anything stupid or try’s to take your daughter, simply file for custody. All you ha e to pay is filing fee. It sounds like you got a slam bunk case. I wouldn’t even hire a lawyer. You can go in there alone. I dont thi k you need a lawyer at this point. But dont lie.
I would go to court for visitation schedule!
Custody and parenting time are different for one. For two, just answer him. If he does with hold her then go file a modification for custody and parenting time. Being she is 13 she will get to choose where she wants to be for parenting time.
Dont know why people play cards with their kids it actually does my head in when people have to go to court because they can’t sit and talk it out and the court system should give the kid the choice to whom they wanna live with fulltime cos sometimes even the courts get it wrong who they place the child with…
You need to always be honest. And talk with an attorney because this is definitely tricky with him allowing the long visits and shared parenting. (He probably already knows about her going just testing you.)
what is wrong with allowing your daughter go to a family event…
her dad’s side of the family is her family too.
Get your time with her straight with the courts. As to the wedding, all should be mindful that this is a few hours out of a lifetime of 100 years. Everyone should let it go. You can’t change the past.
You need to talk to a lawyer for legal advice
He can not legally take away your parenting time and if he tries then he will be contempt of court.
Personally I would respond with, " Yes I did give her permission. I knew that you would be upset about it but it’s not about you or me. It’s about HER and SHE wants to go, so she IS going. "
If the time you have is more than what has been ordered by a judge then yes, he can take away the extra time. If what you are doing is court ordered then no, he cannot…well technically. He can and really all you can do is take him back to court.
Take it to court because if he has full custody he doesn’t have to let you see her.
At age 13 a judge will listen to her and could let her decide if she wants to spend more time with her mother.
This shit right here is why I’m never having children again.
Just talk with him first and see if it all smooths out. If he retaliates, then take action.
If it is your time I can’t see how he can dictate what you do and if you have court orders of parenting time he can’t do shit unless you go back to court I found out my ex wasn’t letting our son see his his mother (my son’s grandmother) or his aunt cu of his girlfriend and I didn’t think it was right so when my kid is with me me he sees his grandma and auntie cuz I think it is wrong just cuz his girlfriend and mom have a fight my son suffers and can’t see his family I don’t know if my ex knows if our son sees them but I don’t care if he does cuz family matters I don’t care if it’s mine or his my kid should spend time with ones he loves
What you do with your daughter on your own time is none of his business.
Give them the time and ask for the same time back.
You need to go back to court for a new custody arrangement because yes, if he has custody and finds out and he’s petty, he can pull that crap
A. If he has custody, he can do that.
B. If you want legal visitation that he can’t legally deny you, you must petition the court for it.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How should I handle a tricky custody situation?
Id answer him honestly and tell him that you didn’t realize it would be a problem and that she wanted to go so you let her choose. Then go from there.
We were in the same situation with my stepson. We moved closer to him and started 50/50 custody. After a year we told her we wanted it in writing and we also added that we would no longer pay child support but we would pay for all school related expenses. She agreed so we had papers stating it drawn up and she signed. It took us by surprise because we weren’t always on the greatest terms with her. Unfortunately if you don’t have the new arrangement in writing he can switch it at anytime since he is the primary in the paperwork. At 13 though she can start making some decisions as well and the judge should take that into account. Hard to put the kid in the middle though, we try our best to keep our son out of the legal issues.
I’m curious what “legal custody” means in your state. Like I live in NH and I have sole decision making of my son, but my ex still has parenting time allowed. I can’t do anything during that time unless my son was in immediate danger. Do you guys have set parenting time? Or a parenting plan?
I would say if our child wants to be with her family that she should have that right. I did not know that she was not allowed to see your family. Just because hes on bad terms with his family doesn’t mean that the children should be kept from the family unless they endangered them abused them or is them or something in an neglect situation situation they may have incurred at 1 time but you should dictate what your daughter does when she’s with you as long as she is safe and you agreed for her to go that should be OK unless there’s a corridor somewhere that you have to approve with him.
She’s 13. The law let’s her chose as long as there’s no danger.
Go to court. He’s given you half custody so he can’t say that you’re unfit. Demand it be legally on paper. I know I’m in PA and the other parent cannot dictate what is done on your time.
If it is not in legal writing, he has the say since he has full custody. Seeing that he gave her a choice to be there with u all summer, u can easily get partial custody!
If he has full custody yes he can take the time away. Go back to court and get 50/50
Yes he can if he has legal custody. The situation should have been brought up to him if you were planning to let her go depending on what state you are in she might be allowed to choose what she wants to do but in ny there isn’t a set age. they will take a child’s choice into consideration though but still don’t allow them to decide where they want to live or if they don’t want to have visitation with the other parent maybe this would be a question for a lawyer or bring it to court but if it’s in paper he has legal custody and no set visitation is in place he can make it where you don’t see her at all unless the order changes atleast that’s how it works here
Because he has legal custody of her he can do that, but you can go to mediation since you have been doing split parenting and she’s spent the summer with you and see if you can continue that or take him to court. Legally he can unfortunately if it’s court ordered.
She must of text him and told him.
He probably has the legal right to do what he wants. You should have just respected his wishes and not let her go. If it was me I’d be annoyed also
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