How should I handle this situation with my boyfriend?

Me and my boyfriend have been together for 2 years I recently gave birth to our son who just turned a month old. Three months before I got pregnant my boyfriend was acting weird so I got on his phone and found out he had been searching for escorts I was hurt but talked to him about it and he cried and told me he’d never do it again that he was just curious an d sorry. I would search his phone and there would be nothing after I found out I was pregnant I’ve caught him twice searching up escorts and dating sites but when I confronted him about it he just cries and tells me he just is curious and that he doesn’t actually do anything and for me to check his bank account it is so hard for me to believe him now but he doesn’t let me leave he says he loves me and that it shouldn’t hurt me by him just searching up without him actually meeting up with them. Last night I went though his phone again because he’d been acting weird hiding his phone so I decided to go through it when he went asleep and saw he had been searching up escorts again, and also had been calling free chat numbers to talk to girls on the phone he made the call after he got off work and was on that call for 20 min and he had told me he was supposedly at work still I confronted him after seeing g it and he started crying saying his coworker had asked him for his phone and he had made that call but prior to the search for the number to call girls he had searched escorts and is blaming his coworker . What should I do?

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How should I handle this situation with my boyfriend?

He has a problem and he doesn’t want to take responsibility for it or stop. So you need to decide if you’re willing to accept his problem by staying with him or you leave him. Having a child is no excuse to stay in a relationship.

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Fuck that guy ! Leave as fast as he can start crying !!

Ummm very easy u cant trust him and he wont stop. So leave. Or he goes and gets professional help.

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Leave! He keeps doing the same thing over and over and he won’t stop because he knows regardless of what he does or say you will stay. He is manipulating you into staying with him.

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Stay if you don’t mind your bf seeing escorts on the side and leave if that breaks the boundaries in your relationship. Simple as that. It’s highly unlikely that he is just randomly looking at their ads constantly and someone else is calling them off your phone .Your bf is paying for the services almost guaranteed lol he’s just Gona cry every time you catch him because it works lmao

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It’s a continual problem. If you don’t leave, this is the treatment you’ll accept and continue to accept for years to come.

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Shady is bad. Break up with this man. You dont have to put up with that just cause you have baby with him. Humans arent perfect, SHADY/LIES/DISTRUST are dealbreakers to me tho. No lies

He knows he can cry and you’ll forgive him and let it go. Break the cycle.

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Just leave. He’s shown you he doesn’t care. He won’t change. He won’t stop. He will get to the point where he will actually meet up one day and you may or may not catch him. You can’t trust him so why live like that. You deserve better.

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He’s lying and manipulating the situation. Uses crying to to make himself a victim. Please listen to your gut.

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Move on ! …hes acting …he knows crying will stop you from questioning him ! …
Hes gaslighting you …

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If your man cries more than the baby it’s time to let him go.

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Leave. Apologies only mean something when behaviour changes

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If you have to spy/check on your partner then you shouldnt be in a relationship

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Nah he ain’t worth it

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Stop checking his phone is one
Your only hurting yourself

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Really?..I’m surprised that u have to ask…F u value yourself at all,leave…U should have done so after the first time u caught him…AND…What’s the good to be in a relationship f there’s no trust…

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jesus. he’s emotionally manipulating you every single time he cries, and he fully knows what he’s doing. leave his ass, this will never stop. and everytime you have something to confront him about… guess what he’s gonna do? he’s gonna cry because he knows that you will back down and forgive him. stop letting him do this.

GTFOOT before he gives you and STD. He’s a liar and cheater and not mature enough to be truthful

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All the flags and you still don’t know what to do?

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Should have ended the relationship and left the moment you felt the need to go through his phone. No trust, no relationship. He’s a man not your child so you should not be checking his phone ever.

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Your bf is addicted to prostitutes…escorts! Good luck with that. Girl🏃‍♀️

Stop listening to empty words and look at his actions… They mean 100X more than anything said… You already know what you need to do hun. Best of luck

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So all he has to do is cry and you lose your self respect? Leave him. No more chances. Your telling him its okay with your actions.

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The fact he cry’s so much to manipulate you :face_vomiting:

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Oh no no no! Girl!!! Get out!!! Clearly he has no respect for you that he continues to do it! Or the fact that he did it at all! You haven’t left yet so why would he stop. He knows you’ll keep forgiving him.

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Cry baby narcissistic man boy. Run girl run far!

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Dump his cry baby self :woman_shrugging:

He will keep saying sorry and keep doing it, he obviously doesn’t respect you or your feelings. I went through same thing for 5 years, hv 2 girls with him and finally decided to leave and divorce him. Sorry doesn’t mean anything unless he actually changes and doesn’t do it again. He has done it numerous times. You keep letting it go so he keeps doing it. Leave for you and your child.

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So you still got pregnant knowing he had been searching for escorts. And now you asking what to do. This may seem harsh but please have some self respect! Leave!

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You leave. He will not stop.

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You need to save your self and your child.HE WILL NOT CHANGE. He is not mature enough to be in relationship.

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What do you consider cheating ? Sounds like he looks & talks, but who knows if he’s meeting up with anyone. That said, clearly his behavior is upsetting to you and his crocodile tears haven’t resulted in any behavior change. He could have a secret credit card or pay cash or another way that won’t leave a financial trail.

I’d say maybe he’s doing this for release because he knows sex is off the table while you’re healing, but this sounds like it’s behavior that’s been going on since before y’all even got together. I’m curious as to why you had a child with him if you knew he was this way but kept hoping he would change after evidence to the contrary.

Is he otherwise a great partner and dad?

If you want to save the relationship, get couples counseling. Someone else needs to get him to see how his actions impair y’all’s relationship and he has to be willing to work to conquer this addiction.

That’s a pretty tall order, so I think your choices are live with it or leave. I’m so sorry. But congratulations on your little one, and please use birth control so you don’t have more children with this disrespectful dude.

You’d be a fool to believe that mess. Crying is his way of guilty you into staying. Kid or no kid & confronting him will not make him do right by you.

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He won’t stop, should be a pretty clear sign to leave

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He won’t let you leave?? If there is no trust there, get the hell out!! Have some respect for yourself!!

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He’s crying because he’s guilty and wants you to feel sorry for him. In my opinion he’s weak and doing whatever he knows he can to keep you.

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You know what you need to do. That’s why you’re on here asking for reassurance. Please leave he isn’t going to stop.

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I feel like this goes much deeper and further that you realize. He wouldn’t tell you to check his account unless he has another one he’s using for these indiscretions. I think he’s done a lot more than you realize. His tears are fake and guilt all wrapped up.

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Something happening more than once is no longer a mistake. He knows you don’t like it, and continues to sneak around and who knows what else he might be doing. Cheating doesn’t have to be physical. I know having a child with someone can make you want to stay to work it out, but realize your worth and leave this situation. Manipulative people are going to cry when they get caught and sadly I don’t believe this situation will change for the better. Best of luck girl, focus on yourself and your little babe :heart:

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He is a child that cries every time he is confronted with his actions, you just had a child why keep a grown one around too.

I quit after she said,he doesn’t let her leave

Sounds like a narcissist. They will never be in the wrong,you’ll never change him either. They’ll cry bed plead to manipulate you. But only thing can say Is have more respect for yourself. He’ll keep doing it as you are allowing it he’s proven he isn’t changing.

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If you don’t want to leave tell him just tell him once more it’s over between you and make him realise you are worth more than that .his behaviour. tell him not acceptable .and you will leave .there is someone out there who will love and respect you .he’s not doing that he just thinking I will turn on tears he’s acting like spoilt child.to be honest I would leave and concentrate on you and your baby .

Omg leave already he doesn’t wanna be with you. He is cheating on you with escorts. He is not just looking up escorts he is also hooking up with them. You can’t even trust him you keep looking in his phone. If you can’t trust who your with its time to leave. Go get urself tested asap.

I stopped reading at looking at his phone without permission. I’d never do that to a boyfriend or my husband :woman_shrugging:

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Key words in this post “3 months before I got pregnant” - good luck to you.

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Stop going thru his phone :woman_shrugging:t2:… seems both of ya’ll lack communication, he’s wanting conversation & attention … he’s seeking it else where, he should communicate his wants to you. You are invading his privacy so you lack communication to talk to him instead of sneaking behind his back.

If you’re not gonna leave what are you really asking here :woman_shrugging:t2:

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Throw his phone in a lake and LEAVE. ASAP.

Leave. Want a plethora of std’s? That’s the way to get ‘em.

People are always so quick to say leave. Whatever happen to counseling maybe find out why he’s curious. Men are men and they are going to look. I’ve been in my relationship almost 10 years. In the very beginning I’d find him on these sites and yes it did bother me. But we found hope through communication. It don’t work for everyone but sometimes it’s worth a try

I feel like if you want to be able to love yourself you really need to think of how many times are you going to take “I’m sorry” for the same problem that keeps repeating. And remember that feeling of how hurt you feel. All I can say is choose yourself, love yourself. That man does not love you. You deserve someone that’s going to give you good sleeps at night instead of checking his phone, that’s going to comfort you, be honest with and do what is in your best interest at all times.

How many more times do you want to go through this is what you should be asking yourself. Can you continue on like that because that’s what is going to keep happening. He has proven it to you to over and over. You need to practice safe sex with him. I’m sure he’s not just looking

Leave,he will never change.trust me from experience

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The tears are a manipulation tactic. He’s not going to change until he wants to, and so far he’s never even owned up to his issue.

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Leave or kick him out

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Leave him, you should have a long time ago.

Either you accept he is going to continue and stay or you leave.

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You need to make plans to leave because he’s lying and eventually he is and will be sexual with them.

You should take your baby and leave. U can’t trust him!

Obviously leave. How sorry can he be when he keeps doing it. His actions speak louder than words and crying about being sorry doesn’t mean a thing. Then he tries to lie with the worst obvious lie (it’s my friends :roll_eyes:) imaginable like you’re dumb and will believe it. Now he’s just insulting your intelligence. Leave, he’s just going to keep doing this whole routine for as long as you stay.

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He will bring u a disease n u need to be alive n well for your baby.

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i’m sorry doesn’t count unless the behavior changes!

It’s developed into a pattern. He’s not gonna stop hun, sorry to say. But good luck to you :two_hearts:

He doesn’t respect you! Leave. He’s wants his cake and pie.

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Why are these guys such pieces ! Angers me so much that we carry & bear their children and they do this . He sounds extremely guilty and personally I would tell him where the door is . The tears mean nothing

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So he’s got a long established pattern of lying & planning to cheat. How should you handle this?! If you don’t know the answer then I’m afraid your gonna find yourself hurt & diseased. Leave.

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Leave. Pack your kid up and go.

He cries because he was caught not because he’s sorry. He’s not going to stop until you make him own his doing. I understand you just had a baby but he obviously doesn’t value you or the baby. Don’t let him manipulate your feelings.

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People can sit and tell you to leave all you want but if you’re the kind of person that just lets this happen over and over again then random people telling u to leave won’t help

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LEAVE!!!:running_woman: He’s not worth it and you are.

He’s clearly a pathological liar !

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You shouldn’t even be asking what u should do… leave. It went from just searching to months later searching and calling them and it’s gunna turn into him screwing them. Leave he’s not gunna stop. Him crying and begging is called a narcissist.

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You gotta let him go love, at least do it for your baby

How many times now? I am in no way being judgemental. I know what it’s like to keep allowing certain behavior because you love them so much. But this behavior in particular worries me and has me worried for you. And you don’t find out until you go through his phone (which also is a problem)

I don’t want you to be hurt. Please see this as his behavior and a habit now. I don’t think it’s something that will change. I’m positive of it. But we can tell you all we want but I think it’s something you have to really sit and think about and how many times you’re going to allow him to say sorry for this crude and repeated behavior. If he cries and apologizes and you accept it. It will become routine. Again not judging but I’m hoping you’ll get some good advice here and think about it. I , myself, see major red flags. And I think you should leave before more years get out into this and it’s even harder to leave vs asking in a forum like this. Best of luck to you :heart:

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Escorts and dating sites? You obviously lost all trust, rightfully so.
Value yourself (and health) more, not to mention the lifestyle you want your child exposed to since this guy does not care.
PS—apologies without changed behavior is just manipulation. :v:t3:

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Crying doesnt mean shit. Unless you want to end up with a disease or your baby you need to run

Ask yourself if your ready to live your life constantly distrusting your partner. You deserve better.

Even if he hasn’t physically done anything, it’s just straight out disrespectful.
Disrespectful to you AND your baby.
People behave how you allow them to behave towards you, and you’re allowing this if you stay with him. By not walking away, you’re telling him it’s okay to keep treating you this way.
Walk. Don’t look back.

Hunny I’m so sorry. I think he likes the thought of it which is very hurtful. Good luck

Walk away. Set up a home for you and baby and focus on motherhood and making sure you’re good, be a great employee, friend, etc. Coparent in your child’s best interest. Make sure your doctor tests you for everything.

Get rid of him he’s going to or is already cheating. Technically what he is doing is already cheating as he wants to do stuff with other people???

Sadly it’s time for you to go. He’s def lying and you’re going to keep finding things until you either stop looking or leave. So sorry

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Think of your son should this boyfriend give you an std or Hiv!! Then think of yourself and your worth my Girl. He isnt the only man on earth and by the way he is a liar and a master manipulator who cries because then u cannot hate on him if his heart is already broken. He wont ever stop!!!

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First of all he is crying to make you feel guilty. He knows what he is doing and he knows your allowing the bs he does to “apologize” for it! He needs to either give it up or lose his family.

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Weak, cowardly men cry when they get caught. If you let him make you a doormat he will and he will laugh at you while paying his escorts . Value yourself and your child. Kick his cheating ass to the curb.

Why doesn’t his lying ass just come home to his gf and child and then just have sex with his gf? He wont ever change.

Love yourself and leave this man.
You and your child deserve better.

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If you have to look at your man’s phone like that he isn’t a true man and ready to be in a long term relationship!

You already know what you should do. It’s your choice whether you do it & learn to love yourself and be happy, or stay and keep dealing with the same thing. If you choose to stay, might as well accept how he is and stop being surprised every time he gets caught. Seek therapy for him, hope for the best, but expect the worse.

He knows all he has to do is cry…

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He’s not learning from his mistakes think you know what you need to do

It’s obviously a problem for him. He won’t stop. You keep giving in. Leave his ass

You are looking for us to tell you what to do and we can only advise. You’ll "get"your answer when you’re ready.

But the truth? He’s gaslighting you and you’re allowing it bc you want to stay with him as a functioning family member for your new baby.

That’s not reason enough to stay. It gets worse. It always does. Think of the baby. Your son doesn’t deserve an unhappy disrespected mother. That’s what you will be if you stay.

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He is very clearly the one who is making the calls. He is only Crying so you will feel pity for him. Its obviously gotten hom this far. Girl save your child from having to live through this and leave because he isnt gonna change .

Best advice I’ve heard came from the Braxton show. If you are brave enough to bring it up, be prepared to leave the situation. Bringing it up and staying is giving him the ok to continue to do it.
FYI the criers are the most manipulative. He isn’t going to change because he’s already broken that trust several times since being caught.
Prayers and positive vibes your way :raised_hands:

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He think crying will get him out of it now since the first time worked

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How many red flags do you need?