Needing some parenting advice. My 17 year old came to me and said her and her boyfriend are wanting to be sexually active. I do not want her to be, but I feel like it was a big step that she came to me and I want to make sure I respond in the correct way. We have had many talks, I just don’t know what to say to her. I know teens are going to do what they wanna do, but how do I talk to her about this? They have been together for 4 years and we love them together but i still wish they would wait.
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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How should I talk to my daughter? - Mamas Uncut
Big ups that she can talk to you. And the fact they have been together 4 years, she sounds very responsible 
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Express your concerns and tell her you wish she would wait. But your right they are going to do it with or without your permission. So at least tell her to be safe. Take her to the dr and get her on some birth control and tell her to use condoms as well. Be proud of her that she came to you to talk about it
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Be happy that she told you. Take her to the doctor and put her on birth control. It’s inevitable and I’m surprised it hasn’t happened in 4 years. This will have her open to tell you anything from now on. My daughter was already on bc but told me anyway.
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Awesome that she came to you! Have a sit down with her and lay it all out on the table, talk about safe sex and protection
She’s waited for 4 years, let her enjoy her boyfriend. She sounds really sensible and didn’t have to ask you but she did. Respect her wishes the way she’s respected yours and talk about contraception and treat her like an adult. You’re a great Mum to have brought up such a sensible girl.
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they’re gonna find a way to do it, might as well teach her how to do it safely
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Time for birth control. Plus condoms. Definitely needs to use both.
Have the safe sex talk and give them some alone time.
If they want to have sex they will. Atleast give them somewhere safe to do it.
Way to go on having that type of communication line open. That’s great
Just tell her what u said in your last paragraph.
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The fact that she waited 4 years and came right to you when she was ready is amazing. I know it’s hard and you wish she would wait but at this point it’s gonna happen with or without your permission. Take her to the doctor and get her on birth control. Talk to her about safe sex.
And ask her if she wants to go on birth control. Or needs condoms. Shit in this case use both.
She came to you it’s not your choice teach her how to protect herself and how to work through her emotions and trust her judgment it is her life and right to make the decision for herself.
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The fact that they waited this long is amazing in and of itself in this day and age. I would simply make sure she is educated on enthusiastic consent and safe sex practices. Get her an appointment at Planned Parenthood for a pap smear, STI test, and general check up. If she is interested in birth control, I say support that. But stress that they should still use additional protection via condoms since BC only helps to prevent pregnancy, not transmission of STIs. And try to stay away from hormonal-based birth control. Female bodies and brains are still developing at that age, and hormonal birth control can throw a LOT out of whack. I know from personal experience. I personally had the Paragard non-hormonal IUD for a while and loved it, but if she isn’t comfortable with that option, ask the provider what other options are available.
The biggest things to take away from this are 1) you two clearly currently have a close enough relationship that she felt comfortable coming to you with this, and that is deserving of a supportive response. 2) If you try to prevent it or fight it, she is at an age where kids will still do what they want to do, no matter what you say or think on it, so it’s better to make sure she has your support and the resources to do it as responsibly as possible.
Most likely she’s already done it tbh.
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First thing, thank your daughter for coming to you (great job mom) 
After 4 years, I’d actually have a conversation sit down with them both.
That you understand, although not agree, but they are almost adults. Ask the simple but important questions. What protection are they going to use? If they get pregnant what will they do? What plans do they see in future for relationship? Your daughter opened a wonderful door to communication, although you wish they would wait focus on keeping the door open.
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Best advice is birthcontrol and condom talks
Or even talk to her about how they should know when is the exact right time
17 that’s cool not Many people wait that long I was 16 and half
Didn’t have a child until a year after graduation
The handsome little light in my life
Let them know that protection is key and they have a long adventures life ahead of them
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Up the bum no babies 
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Birth control ASAP is the best. Because regardless of what you say they are going to do it anyway.
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So old fashioned. They’re not gonna wait. Either support her or she’s going to stop coming to you
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Make sure she is on contraception…
You should be thankful your daughter even talked to you about it!
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Id be interested to know why you want her to wait at 17 when she was allowed to have a boyfriend at 13 ?. Can you back up the benefits of waiting with yours and her dads experience both waiting till beyond 17 ? At 17 she may want your advice but in the end her decision will be made with her boyfriend. Do you want a potential pregnancy if she chooses not to go on birth control incase you find it cause you’ve not supported her choice.
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That’s great that she came to you and told you. You’re doing something right as a mom. Now take her to get birth control of some kind. No matter how much abstinence is preached, they’re going to do it if they want to. They might as well be safe if it happens. Teach her to protect herself.
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As a single mom I had to have the sex talk with my teenager boys. At first it was awkward and I admitted that but also expressed I would rather have awkward conversation about sex then the one “mom my girlfriend is pregnant”. That was 4 years ago and now sex is an open conversation at my house. Even their friends come to me. Sex is a natural thing, don’t make her feel ashamed about it. Get one birth control and most people don’t know that condoms come in different sizes. I bought my son 2 different kinds and told him to tell me which kind he liked the best and I would buy (and pay) them if he didn’t feel comfortable doing it. Tell her that you would want her to wait but also be planned and open to talk about anything and everything in case she doesn’t want to. You’re lucky she came to you.
I like that she came to you to at least ask (but teens are going to do it with or without permission). Maybe talk to her and tell her that sex is a very adult and serious thing to do and you don’t want her to regret it. Also very unpopular thing to do, but please talk to her about the realities of pregnancy. Even the gory parts like hemorrhoids and the switching between constipation and diarrhoea through the whole process. If she still feels seriously about it, there’s not much more you can do but maybe help provide birth control and condoms and make sure she knows the differences between consensual and non consensual sex. And she can say no to anything at any time if she feels uncomfortable with the situation. And yes, she may feel embarrassed about this talk, but tell her that she is wanting to do a serious adult thing so there needs to be a serious adult talk about it.
Our girl was sexually active at 17 - they had been together over a year and honestly, I’d rather know she was safe at home than put into a position elsewhere and not have us there if needed. It’s about making sure they’re safe about it, not stopping it
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They have waited and it’s wonderful. Talk about birth control and that they both have to be responsible for it not just her.
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You’re so blessed she came to you when really at 17 she didnt have to. First thing is talk to her about birth control get her on it now. You can tell her you want her to wait fine. But get her protection ASAP. Almost 4 yrs and she’s decided…
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I would explain that birth control isn’t 100% cause that’s very true. I would explain that while it’s a beautiful thing. It can cause a lot of pain and confusion. It’s also hard to stop once you start.
I made mistakes to at that age. However if I could go back I would of waited til marriage, seriously would of saved me a ton of heart ache.
It is a distraction from school and your future, but the only reason people wait any more is because of their faith and risk of losing the future they want. Being a young parent even in early 20s is so hard. I wish I had a degree before hand, would of made my life easier. I don’t regret my kids I just with I could do better for them
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Be truthful honest voice your feelings respectfully, put her under your wing, be there… not Literally
but u get my drift
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Thanks her for trusting you enough to come to you. Discuss her birth control options and make an appointment and buy her condoms and make sure she knows that it’s not just a man’s responsibility to provide them. 17 is a good age, not many make it to that.
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Birth control and condoms to rite t them both!
Wow amazing they’ve lasted this long for bring together all those years!!
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This happened with my friend with her daughter and they had a talk and my friend said if it going to happen she would rather it be in her own home .
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Tell your baby to protect her self at all cause 100 because there going to have sex if all ready had trust me 100
She probably came to you so you could help her be safe, get contraception and inform her the risks involved, talk to her about condoms. She seems like she’s making a responsible choice by coming to you for help and talking her out of it is going to leave her empty handed with no information no help and she will continue with the tasks in a unsafe manner and feel like if she comes to talk to you about anything you aren’t going to support her, you’re going to talk her out of it. I was the teen asking my mom for BC for her to refuse and I’m 33 with a 16 year old.
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It sounds like your daughter is more responsible than a lot of teens so I’ve be grateful for that. I’d get her on birth control.
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You can’t push what you want on them make sure she’s on birth control and using protection
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4yrs is a long time for teens, and they did wait. You can explain how you want her to wait, but still get her birth control. Be happy she came to you instead of just doing it 
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Talk to her about going on some form of contraception and to use protection but don’t discourage them as they will only go ahead and do it anyway
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Teach her to be safe, that she the right to say no at any point, point her in the direction of her doctor, I’d ask her if they’ve had a conversation about an unplanned pregnancy…id ask that they respect your home and keep activities to her personal space. Lock the door and all that. Just respect the rest of the household.
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Get her on birth control. Be happy she came to you. They have waited 4 years. She sounds very responsible. More likely than not they’ve already made their decision to move forward. Explain that birth control isn’t always 100% effective. Ask what their plan is if she were to get pregnant. If they aren’t on the same page there it would be a good reason to wait.
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Birth control. This is something she will prob do reguardless so its better that she knows safety/smart. My mom acted like these things were just dreadful/sinful and taught me nothing. Its special to teenagers just like its special to grown ups. You know her/how to talk to her
Birth control. If you tell her no, she will do it behind your back.
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First I’d tell her that you would rather she wait, but if they are really wanting to have sex that they need to use protection. Talk to her about those options and go from there. Good luck mama.
It’s normal. She is at that age. Have her look into birth control/get her condoms and such.
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Don’t scare her away the fact she came to you is huge I could never go to my parents so the fact that the lines of communication are open is great, she is really smart for asking you instead of just doing whatever with her own mind not aware of the risks, if we all followed our parents guidance the world would be a much better place, just talk to her about contraception and birth control:) everything will be ok if they have been together that long it was eventually going to happen, you can’t prolong it humans are sexual beings it’s going to happen either way, so keep her close
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She’s being open and honest with you and that’s such a good thing. So many kids aren’t. Ask her what type of contraception she would like to use or if she has any preference. Make her an appointment at the obgyn to get it and let her decide which type is right for her. Remind her how much you appreciate that she came to you over this and that you love her.
Also remind her that just because he is her boyfriend that no means no and she doesn’t have to do anything with her body that makes her uncomfortable. She is always allowed to stop or say no if she wants to, no matter what.
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You are so lucky I told my mum I was having sex when I told her I was pregnant I was 16
I hope my daughter is like yours
I’d put her on birth control and buy her some condoms and spermicide. I hope my girls come talk to me when they are ready to do the deed
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Birth control and condoms, if they want to be they will so best to not tell her you don’t want her to 
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From experience growing up in a strict home being told to wait… if she wants to do it, she will. All you can do at this point is keep the conversation casual, thank her for telling you and tell her that you think they should wait a while, bit if they don’t want to, at least be safe about it. Go through birth control with her, go through condoms with her (actually teach her how to put them on and don’t just leave the responsibility to the guy) and make sure that she is aware that no birth control is 100% and is she prepared for the consequences if it does fail.
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Birth control AND condoms, yes protect against unwanted pregnancies but people forget about diseases, its great she came to you so they will have sex regardless of what you say so best thing to do is sort contraception out
Teach her to be safe and talk to her about contraception
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thankful i havent had to go through this. sounds like you’re being respectful of her feelings. if it’s going to happen you dont have much control of it, but me personally, i’d make sure it wasnt happening in my home.
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She’s 17… You really dont have to say anything to her. Just support her. Im sure you already had “the talk” with her about sex when she was younger. At that age they dont want the lesson plan taught to them again. She just wants extra love and support.
Wait for what? Marriage? Four years, borderline adults, and still she chose to be honest with you instead of just doing it and coming to you pregnant or something… just educate her
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Birth control. You can’t tell her no, she will do it anyways. If In fact she hasn’t already. I told my mother at 17 I wanted to get on birth control. I was already pregnant! He is 20 now.
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Get her some condoms and get her a gyno appointment. Her sex life is hers to decide. She didn’t ask permission. She informed you. Now, do what you need to as a parent to help her protect herself from pregnancy and STDs.
You are going to have to let her grow up. Make sure to speak about birth control and STDs. Be proud that she is in a steady relationship and came to you about this.
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Unfortunately even if you say no, they will be no matter what.
Always tell her to use protection, even if she does/or on birth control. Every little detail you can think of about it, tell her. Be completely upfront and honest about it
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Get her on birth control and buy condoms. Keep having the talk about safe sex and what can actually happen if birth control fails or the risks of STDs & STIs. It’s wonderful she came to you. You can try and prevent her from doing it now but teenagers will find a way. Once she’s 18 there isn’t anything you can really do.
Tell her you wish she would wait, but you will help her get onto birth control if she really wants to, take her to a obgyn or Planned Parenthood to find the right thing for her, remind her that even if she is on something, like the implant, shot, the pill, IUD what ever she chooses they are not 100% effective against pregnancy, and are 0% effective against infections that can pass back and forth. So get take the time to teach her how to use condoms as well as what ever birth control is used.
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So you find time to maybe go to lunch with her or go to a park or just go into your bedroom and have a really hard to hard talk tell her that you really don’t feel that they may be ready for that or that you approved but you’re going to respect her wishes and you also tell her that you’re proud of her for coming to you and being open and honest and then I would discuss forms of birth control and I would make an appointment to take her to the doctor they can further discuss safe sex because the last thing you need is for her to become pregnant but they can get together for years and they’ve not been sexual they’re really serious about it so the sooner the better and a tidbit your health department gives out free condoms any kid can go get them any adult all you do is go and ask say what you’re there for and they hand you a bag full you don’t have to give your name phone number address or anything because they are very expensive and if you feel comfortable I would even talk to them together but most teenagers won’t come to the adult to discuss it until it’s too late so you’re fortunate that she loves you and trusts you enough best of luck you can’t be with him 24/7
My daughter will be 21 in July . This is what I did . If she came to u then it’ll probably happen if u want it to or not . But make sure u get her the protection she needs but voice how u feel just like u just did to us . U like them together and I’m happy u came to me but I really wish u would wait . But I will take u to get the things u need so u don’t end up pregnant or with an std . It’s hard raising a teenager . Be very happy that u guys have a good relationship and she felt comfortable talking to u that speaks volumes alone
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Birth control and condoms now. How much longer do you expect them to wait? And to be honest, they’ve already probably have been intimate together. Just make sure she’s not having babies at 17!
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While I understand you want her to be your little girl forever, that’s just not possible. Talk to both of them about protection - get her on the pill/coil/implant AND insist they use condoms. Make sure they know how to use condoms properly.
They’re not going to wait - if they haven’t already actually had intercourse; they’re very close to it - so make sure they’re safe
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Birth control and protection
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Support her… go to the Obgy and tell her the consequences of not using condoms ect don’t scared her but educate her Good luck
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No birth control is 100%. I know. Got pregnant 2x on the pill… switched to diaphragm and got pregnant a 3rd time. Ask what birth control they want to use. Make sure she’s on something and he uses a condom.
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I say just educate her, let her know the outcome if they don’t use protection. I say you got a great respectful child. Very mature of her to come talk with you first!
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You tell her what you wish but that you will get her on some birth control because you know ultimately the decision is hers.
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Unfortunately mama, like you said, they’ll do what they wanna do. Make sure she’s protected. Make sure he gets tested every 3 months too, along with her. And you should sit them both down and have a talk because if something happens, you know you’d be there helping out.
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Of course you want her to wait no parent likes to think of their teenaged child being sexually active but unfortunately for us parents it’s just a fact of life we all must face… You must put your feelings aside and accept she’s growing up then educate her as much you can on birth contol STI’s and safe and consetual sex…
Sometimes that talk alone is enough to put them off for a few more years lol… I’ve been through all this with my three adult kids so I know it’s hard but she sounds responsible and you are blessed she feels comfortable enough confide in you
Good luck
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A dating set of teenagers that waited 4 yrs is astounding in itself. My guess is she’s already decided she’s going to do it and trust you enough to help guide her to not make mistakes.
Put her on birth control and teach her about stds.
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Educate her on birth control and help her access it. Unless you want to be a grandma. Chances are that if she came to you… they’ve already done it.
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Take her to the OB/GYN get a Pap and birth control. Talk to both of them about being responsible using condoms and the responsibilities and consequences of being partaking in adult activities. It is ok and expected to set boundaries where this is concerned. The most important thing is to remain open minded and remember when you were at this stage of life and how hard it was for you.
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I bet they are already doing it, your just last to know. I would have put her on birth control regardless around 16. Discuss safe sex. 17 is almost an adult.
she’s not asking your for permission she asking you to help her be safe about this. get her on birth control and get her a box of condoms. you can tell her “please wait” but she’s going to do what she wants to do.
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I can almost guarantee they are already. Shes almost 18, and theyve been together 4 years. Shes not a baby anymore. All you can do is make sure she protects herself and explain to her how hard raising a baby as a young mom is, and how her and his lives will be put on pause completely for that child.
17 years old is a good age. As parents we don’t ever want our children to be sexually active, but all we can hope for in the end is them being safe.
Tell her you’re very proud of her and thank her for coming to you. Provide her with all the information you can to be safe, give protection, offer birth control, and then tell her you love her.
Because she will do it anyway. The best way is informed and safe.
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Wait for what lol do the safe sex talk and contraception. Suorised they have waited to be honest lol
Talk to her about having monthly ‘sex’ check ups with a trusted Dr, being on the pill (remember to note that it’s only 98% and about missed days), talk to her about consent (that no means no even if changed to a yes), talk about being safe (buy a box of condoms for her) and let her know she can talk to you about stuff she doesn’t have to keep things a secret.
Be happy she’s waited this long and be happy she came to you. I started having sex at 13 and I did notttt tell my mama.
She sounds like a responsible young lady.
I’d set her up an appointment with planned parenthood to get on birth control. Talk to her about condoms and safe sex and thank her for coming to you. Leave the door open for more communication in the future about touchy personal topics(especially sex). She’s almost 18.
Tell her your so happy that she is open and honest with you
And thank you for sharing this
Just to make sure she is on some sort of contraceptive & also make sure you have the safe sex talk aswell and give her Johnny’s say I’d rather yous wait a little longer but if yous must he safe and give her them and say that you also would like if she was on something like the pill or implant or coil or something she is comfortable getting and that you will go with her and support her to get it
Xxx
Get her protection and birth control once you make sure she is willing to be on birth control and allow her to pick what birth control she wants. She is 17, at 18 you won’t even get the choice to say as she will be grown. Just say you wished she’d wait but it is her choice and give her the supplies she needs to be safe.
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The fact that she came to you in 2022 and they have been together 4 years without doing anything
Will they be each other’s first?
I would say as a parent of teenagers just advise on birth control and the possibilities and talk to them about their futures maybe involving his parents as well
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Set her up with an obgyn appt and get her on birth control. She’s going to do what she wants to do. I would then thank her for being so open and honest, and re in force the consequences of not using protection.
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I would just tell her how big of a responsibility having sex is and exactly how you feel and her and her boyfriend and about them having sex. And then I would take her to get all the necessary things condoms birth control spermicide foam and ensure she onows how to use each one properly. Then give her a hug and tell her how much you love her and how thankful you are she was comfortable enough to come to you with such a big decision.
I would like to say it seems like you have done a lot of right things while parenting that your daughter feels comfortable enough to come to you. I know maybe two girls that were comfortable enough talking to their parents about sex and not afraid to get in trouble that they would actually go to them. So is anxious as you are right now please remember to be proud of yourself, you seem to know what you’re doing
Support her, birth control and protection. Good luck
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Get her on birth control. The fact that they have been together for 4 years and they are 17 and haven’t done it already is crazy but amazing. Just talk to her. Tell her to use protection. That’s about all you can do.
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I am in no way suggesting they have sex or anything, however you did something right because she came to you about it first. I think you need to support her because they’re going to do it regardless and obviously we want our babies to be safe as possible. Be open and honest with her and guide her into safe sex. You’re daughter is so lucky to have a Mom that she can trust so much that she came to you first, I absolutely love that for you.
It’s been 4 years, and they are approaching this in the best way possible. Be proud. You must be doing the right things for her to come to you. Discuss birth control options. Discuss expectations. Discuss hygiene and cleanup. What an awesome opportunity
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prude tell them to use protection and lube
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Educate her on birth control and teen pregnancy and then just be grateful she actually came to you and felt she could talk to you about this. She’s not a baby anymore and they’ve been together a long time. I’d be pretty proud if I had a daughter who approached me about this rather than feeling she couldn’t talk to me and lost her virginity to a randomer. You’ve got a good girl there. X
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I’d start by telling her you’re proud of her for coming to you about this and being honest. Teens will do what they want one way or another. All you can do is ensure she is informed and safe about it. I’d ensure she has protection and birth control, as well as information on STDs and the potential of pregnancy.
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I had a baby at 17….
As a parent, teen mum. I would be talking to her about contraception, STD’s, CONSENT!! Etc. safety is my main priority.
When i was young i wasnt allowed to do alot of things i did anyways and not in a safe way at all, my only goal as a mother is to hope that my kids do there risk taking or experimenting at home.
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Make her an appointment for bc and let her know while your don’t condone it you appreciate her coming to you first. Get her some condoms and make sure she understands the ins and outs of how bc works that she needs a condom still.
I understand you don’t want her to be that’s your baby but it’s better she came to you first. I ever said anything to my parents before and got extremely lucky to not get pregnant.
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Get her the protection she needs give her info on stds and pregnancy that comes from unprotected sex. And be there for her let her now that sex actually hurts the first time bc if you don’t she’ll end up having unprotected sex. Let her know you’re grateful she felt comfortable enough to come to you, because if you tell her she can’t ans don’t help she’ll do it anyways and you won’t be qued into other important decisions in her life.