Needing help from other moms on moving across country cheap, extra cheap! BACKSTORY. I am from different south. Moved up to the Midwest 11 years ago. My husband’s family isn’t really involved, but my parents, who live 1,000 miles away, are involved more. The video chats our child, call, visit 2xs a year. They are older, and my mother has health problems. They have a house sitting unused that is paid we could move into. My husband’s job has a location near my parents. We have been waiting on a transfer for three years with his company bc we have insurance through him and amazing benefits. He got an open position offer. I am forever grateful I still have parents, but does it make sense I feel like I don’t? My parents and I have always had a rocky relationship. Growing up, I felt like my mom, and I never bonded like a mother and daughter should (if that makes sense). I have my own family, a beautiful life, and we keep to ourselves. We bought a house last year, and life is really going amazing. But the past few months, my dad has been going way too far with unnecessary BS! It hasn’t been causing myself and my fiancé any problems, it’s just causing me to have such bad anxiety, and I’m not acting like my bubbly self. My mother has been gone away for the past month. She called me yesterday, but I had things to do and forgot to call back. My dad texted me and made a comment about it last night. Today I was going to call once I got done cleaning the house. Well, a simple little text again sent from my dad turned into a HUGE fight. A fight so big that my own dad called me the CUNexTuesday name (not the first time), but this time, I just lost it. Am I in the wrong for blocking him from contacting me for now? He wouldn’t even stop texting me, saying nasty things. I’m his only daughter, with his grandkids who adore him! My mother said absolutely nothing to stick up for me? Maybe I’m more venting or just so beyond frustrated/heartbroken. My emotions are everywhere, and I can’t stop wondering, what in the world have I done so wrong?! Am I wrong for feeling this way?
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. https://answers.mamasuncut.com/t/how-should-l-handle-this-situation-with-my-parents/16597
Sorry but this is confusing. At first you talk like your excited about getting to move close to them. Than you say you all have always had a rocky relationship so why would you want to move close to them.
Sounds very rocky. It’s not your fault you can’t remember to call your mom back. Your father needs to realize that your a mother yourself and sometimes can’t always find the time to call her back. Although your husband got the opportunity to move to a workplace closer to your family, and they are more involved with your family, with how your father acted, I wouldn’t move my family closer so someone who acts like that. My father wasn’t the best as I grew up as my parents were divorced, and my mom went out almost every night, and my stepfather, well I may have learned how to survive, but he also left and I had to find my own way to school to even graduate. So I only had my brother really, but now, he’s gone. My older brother is gone, R.I.P. my mom tried to act like our bond is this great thing, when in reality, I try my best to stay away from her. My kids love her, but I love her from a distance because of how negative she is.
So he’s your husband or fiancé?!?! As to the relationship with your parents you don’t make sense 
Also confused, the beginning you talk about moving closer to your family because they are involved then it goes to the opposite.
Stay where you are , sounds like a toxic relationship that need distance.
Dont expose your kids (or yourself) to a malignant and toxic situation until you get clarity on why your folks are acting like this, I’d say a thousand miles is just about right
cut him off. He had no right to verbally abuse you. Sending love
It’s a respect thing for parents with grown kids that have their own families. That empty nest syndrome is ruff.When I call my kids,they know too call me back or I will show up.Be the bigger person and tell them you were so busy with the kids that you forgot too call back.You ment no disrespect.Tell your daddy that it hurt you when he called you names.Clear the air for the grandbabies sake.Life is too short too fuss and argue.Clear the air and move on.Make that bond with them.My daddy is gone and in now caring for my mom. Life is short sweety.
No it’s toxic and I wouldn’t have anything to do with them. Do not take the free house… I guarantee it has strings attached. They are NOT good grandparents, parent nor in-laws…. They will start treating your children like this too don’t give them the chance!
If your parents are having health problems is there any kind of cognitive issues going on such as dementia or early onset Alzheimer’s? Those kinds of declines even if they are slow can cause people to act out and not act like themselves- such as the obsession over the call or the name calling. Don’t get me wrong I’m not trying to justify the behavior but maybe offer an alternative reason behind it.
Once things cool off I would talk to them.
If they are older you won’t get this time back try to make peace even if you have to swallow some pride. Especially if they are good to your children.
Try to mend things before making the move.
I’d get some therapy to deal with your childhood issues & learn the best ways to deal with both of your parents.
Was your dad always so volatile, or is this explosiveness more recent? How old is he? Could it be early signs of dementia? Usually anger (especially in men) is a cover for fear. Is he afraid for his health? Afraid of dying? Afraid of losing your mom? I’d bet this is a big thing for him. He wants you to spend as much time with your mom while she’s alive.
Do they have financial troubles? Are they set for retirement or looking at big bills down the road? Does your dad have new health worries?
How ill is your mom? Maybe it’s getting serious and she really needs you to call because she might not be around in a year, a month, a week. Your dad is probably worried sick about her & takes it out on you because he doesn’t want to upset her. Then when you forget to call it makes your mom sad on top of feeling like crap, and possibly a grim diagnosis.
Then the possibility of suffering from COVID, possibly having permanent problems because of it or even dying (how old are they?) just ratchets up the panic, and being cooped up and trying to be safe makes life even less pleasant and adds a layer of worry for both of them & leaves them on edge. I’d encourage your mom & dad to get therapy too. Your mom to deal with what sounds like it could be chronic illness, your dad to be able to face whatever is scaring him. See if you can find someone who specializes in men & maybe does phone consults. Maybe refer to it as “someone to talk to” vs. “therapist” if either of your parents thinks there’s a stigma about needing mental health help.
You say they visit you; how often do you visit them? It may not be the best relationship, but it’s likely you will miss them when they die, so maybe you could visit them more.
If you move nearer to them could your husband deflect for you on days when you just aren’t up to dealing with them?
Sounds like your dad’s a real winner…I wouldn’t take anything from anyone who called me names like that and was so cruel and disrespectful and I definitely wouldn’t let my kids be around someone who does that to ppl he claims to love. Sorry…
Make that 1000 miles away into 2000 miles … stay away from that drama it’ll only cause problems in your family
Maybe you shouldn’t move close to them
You’re a selfish ungrateful little Bitch
‘They have a house sitting unused that is paid we can move into’ 
This situation with your parents sounds way too toxic to make a big move like this, especially with depending on them for housing. You are not responsible to take care of toxic parents, sorry not sorry.
My parents put me through hell as a child and I dont have anything to do with either of them as an adult. You can’t be afraid to put your foot down and walk away from harmful people- even if its your parents. Focus on your family and raising children that know you love them without all this unnecessary family drama.
I would reach out to family system mental health counseling, they can properly assist you to sort this out.
Before you take your Dad’s verbal abuse to heart…remember there are more sides to this story and truth is somewhere in between.
Just love and keep you and your family safe as possible.
Very confusing post…
This post is all over the place. First you say they’re involved loving grandparents then it goes the complete opposite. Am I missing something here? You need family therapy, not Facebook. As for moving, clearly don’t do it
Early dementia could be the problem check into it cause you got one Daddy and one Mama once they gone. They took care of you now its time to take care of them
1st thing is that your parents miss you. I have 1 child. I speak to her 1 or 2 times a day. She luves around 200 miles from me. We try to see her & out sil 1 time a month,however we get snow, so we haven’t seen them since October.
It’s hard on us becauseweare very close ( I know many parents aren’t close with their kids)
2) talk to whichever parent you are still taking to & try to straighten it out . You say they are old. Do you want relationship with them? I wish my mother & father were still around!
3) tell the parents NOT TO TEXT! there are more hard feelings & misunderstandings because of texts!
4) tell mom that you got tied up & you couldn’t all her back. It happens. Apologize
After Allis said & done, tell dad how much his unnecessary name calling hurt.
Is dad old enough that he’s lost his filter??
Goid luck, I know how difficult this can be.
Well, for starters I wouldn’t move closer to them. That’s a pretty toxic relationship going on when a father talks like that to his child over something so small. Distance between you all sounds like the best thing as to not end up in a more all-over unhealthy situation. That kind of stress could kill a marriage.
block your father, as for your mother, that is up to you, Just tell her you are very busy & it’s hard to answer all of her calls or text at that time
This post is all over the place… unless I’m reading it wrong…
Is he your husband or your fiancé? You just bought a house a year ago, but your parents have an empty house that’s paid off that you can move into? You’re close with your parents and not his, but weren’t close with your parents growing up? You just bought a house a year ago, but you’re looking for ways to move closer to your parents, who your children adore but you don’t get along with?
Biggest lesson you could ever learn…NEVER EVER EVER EVER move into a house that you do not own or your paying to own! Good relationship or bad relationship when things won’t go the way they want they will hold the house over your head on every little thing. You have a family of your own with kids YOU have to take care of. Have you thought about how moving will affect everything in their lives as well? Does your SO really want to leave this great life where your at now? We all want to have a perfect family with our parents but if you are having doubts then there are reasons and you should consider them very carefully. If my father spoke to me that way it would not be tolerated and he would learn consequences parent or not. Your adults and he should set the example of how to communicate. He wouldn’t like it if you called him names now would he? The house would have to be turned over to you in your name only before I would even consider moving. This is your and your kids lives here and thats not something that should ever be messed with.
Don’t move near them. They are a narcissist and an enabler. Join this group for deeper answers.
The Sisterhood: Daughters of Narcissistic and Abusive Mothers
It is confusing. You sound like you are excited to move closer because they are involved more. Is it for the kids or for babysitting?? I’m confused. It went from one mood to a completely different other mood.
what does this have to do about moving into there unused house?
Anxiety can cause her mind to be all over the place. Give her a damn break. If my daddy called me that I would be devastated, to say the least. 
I’m so sorry:broken_heart:
You pretty much told your parents they are not a priority in your life. You didn’t remember to call and placed cleaning the house higher the next day than calling or even texting. Would it have taken you long to text: “Hey sorry, got extra busy and didn’t have a chance to call back. Will do so later today when I can do so uninterrupted. Looking forward to talking to you then.” See how easy it is to avoid an argument.
You need to stay where you are ! So sorry but he should never talk to you like that
It sounds to me you are being a cunextueday or whatever you said. You said your husband’s family isn’t evolved yet; your parents are. You also said your mom has health issues. So maybe your mother isn’t strong enough to confront you on how hurt she is that you can’t even return a call to her. So your mom vents to your dad, who then calls to curse you on how selfish you are. I understand people get busy and forget to call, however, when dad texted you about it. How hard would it had been to say I’m calling her now. Sorry, the only wrong person I see is you.
Sorry. But like another comment this is all over the place.
Reach out 2 mental health.
Do not move your kids there!! They will suffer the same things you have and be e spouses to the way your family treats you and think it is ok !!! If you guys are doing well and they visit let it be like that and as long as you guys are happy then stay where you are or move but do t put your life in their hands as far as moving into their house and such !! I think it’s a bad idea
A little bit all over the place but as people get older they become more needy and moody. They are alone. Everything they’ve done their entire lives has come to adrift stop because of aging. They become verbally abusive and very very stubborn. I’m not condoning the cruel things at all but old people have a special place in my heart and I feel like they sometimes need some undivided attention. You shouldn’t have to put ur life on hold by any means but communication and compassion goes a long way.
You didn’t mention ages…. There could possibly be medical reasons. My mom was recently diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. After reflecting on things said and done over the past few years and researching Alzheimer’s it makes sense.
If you plan to move still you need to buy the house from them. Or something where they can’t hold it over your head. They sound like narcissists… Good luck to you.
My father was like that with me,except I told him what I though. My brother lived towards away I lived near dad.I guess I was the closet to dad,he died last year but even though he was a horrible dad hitting us controlling really awful I put that a side I still miss him.Dad apologise before he died.Guess I am saying is don’t move near them but try and stay in touch it’s the only parents you have.Ignore him ranting just switch your phone off let him cool down for a few days.
With a father like that you need to stay where you are
Honestly don’t move. You’d be living in their house so they could kick you out or threaten to any time they aren’t happy. If you do move don’t live in their house. Find your own space that will be yours no matter what.
I would block him and don’t move back. It will be nothing but drama.
I learned that we are not allowed to choose our family but we definitely can choose to have them in our life or not. Protect your peace and move on.
You are crazy to move. Stay where you are. Otherwise
it will be drama drama.
No your not wrong. My dad wouldn’t ever swear at me but my mother is another story we have never seen eye to eye on anything
It’s a big move u been planning . Buy the house for cheep it only cost a couple thousand to change ownership (deed) in your name ! before u agree to move back do it on your vacation week or summer . Your kids will be happy to have grandparents around send them to their house once a week or after school few hours if u need as long as they are never hurt them emotionally or physically…Just set boundaries as in your house your rules if not stay were u are if your doing so well. Learn to tell your father u want a better relationship and u will talk to him after he cools off because u are an adult who also deserves respect. Block him 
when he calls u names at least for a week or two . Call and talk to your mom . As u stated u need to work on that . U are Showing dad how to treat u and that u want a better relationship for the kids it’s ok. They both need you if you’re an only daughter your mom does and your dad knows it is why he’s upset . Show your kids how u want to be treated when u age or are sick is something to keep in mind also 
beside a good deal for the family . My mom gives my kids something they need even if our relationship isn’t the best so it is a win for my kids . I respect my mom even if we aren’t best friends. Remember your mom can’t block your dad so she not gonna make a fight with him if he’s all she has at her age.
I don’t think there’s an excuse but I will say, if your mom is sick, he shouldn’t take his stress out on you.
Forgive and forget. Lay it down. The longer you carry it, the heavier it will get. Just pretend it did not happen. My Dad got very hard to deal with in his last years and I am so glad we were patient and long suffering with him. I told him many times that I forgive him (even though he did not say he was sorry) and I do not regret it. <3
Why would you want to give up the life you have to go somewhere you already know wouldn’t work? You really don’t want to influence your child/children to a life of verbal abuse and watching his Mommy 
crying from hurt ?? How does the man in your relationship feel about how your own parents treat you?? My personal opinion is stay where you are and move on with your life and leave all the stress, drama, tears and add sadness where it is! Enjoy your time’s with your parents that you already have!
You do what you Know is Good and Right. You know.
No one, especially your own Father, should call you a c**t. That is absolutely the most disgusting word to call anyone. I personally would never speak to him again. Don’t move into their house because there will be issues of one kind or another.
Hugs to you as you seek answers with how to proceed.
No,protect yourself and your family
I’m so confused. First it’s your husband, then it’s your fiancée. Then your parents are more involved, and then they are awful people that you should obviously not allow around your children
My father has never said anything like that to me. A father should never say things like that to his daughter. You need to distance yourself. Your children do not need to hear that sort of disrespect.
I’d stay put where you are life sounds amazing, apologize to dad maybe he is stressed and maybe your mum was just hurt that you didn’t call back n your dad’s reaction possibly got the better of him , let it go 
Toxic is toxic weither they are blood or not. If its unsettling you this much then block him. Its not ok for him to verbally abuse you like that… id understand if he had dementia or something because they cant help it and dont know what they are doing.
Honestly I just blocked my mum on everything in December. And my dad months before that. They are both as bad as each other and I’m not teaching my kids people are allowed to abuse you cause they are family. Im the one who leads by example that you do not live a toxic life for anyone. I dont care who the person is they will not bring that toxic mess near my family