How should we split assets after we break up?

How does everyone go through seperation? I love him, an would literally break my heart to see him with anyone- but I know we can’t keep going on like this - I have tried over an over. But their should be more good then bad days … feeling like he doesn’t want me here an the comments he makes when his grumpy at me I feel he wouldn’t say these things if he didn’t feel that way. He made a comment that I’m not taking anything. So how do people go about Splitting up everything. Making in fair. I don’t want it to be a big fight. We have kids so I feel we still need to keep a good relationship rather then completely dislike each other. He has told me his life would be better without us. - pushes me away. Hiding things on his phone, chatting up people but thinks he can do what he wants… But after a few fights I feel he basically wants me to leave with nothing (no furniture etc) although we have been together for 18 years. I basically paid rent, food, insurance etc he seems to think seems whatever come out of his money Is his. But it’s just the way things had worked for us. He would already get 3 cars, shed items & his tools etc. (I’m not wanting his items)An the kids things would obviously come with me. But Am I wrong to think furniture should be split amongst us - I’m just upset that he thinks I should have nothing - especially after 18 years together.

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How should we split assets after we break up?

Sounds finciallly abusive af but i dont know the situation

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See a lawyer
You are entitled to half

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It would be split 50/50 for things you are wanting and he’s wanting

Of u been together 18 yrs u should get the house and one car get u a lawyer seems like u need one or he’s gonna run over you

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He has a rude awaking coming his way. Good luck

By the way you’re describing him and the situation, I believe it would be wise (and best) to consult a lawyer and take him to court. Either way it goes, I don’t see this going smoothly and such.

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You have children you need furniture for the children etc surely he can at least be civil and think of the children as long as you both share there shouldn’t be a problem share to help both sides fairly

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At the end of the day, everything belongs to the kids. You are entitled to half if there is a literal line. Be reasonable. You’re probably most inconvenienced if you plan to move out. Some things may need to be sold and divided.

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If u pay the rent kick him out

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Sounds like he’s financially abusive and you should go through court.

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When my husband left his first son’s mother, he let her have the apartment, all the furniture, one of the two cars he bought… everything basically except his tools and clothes and family items from his side of the family. He wanted his son to still feel comfortable there.

I know not every man is like this- but I feel like that’s how it should be if children are staying mostly with mom.

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Go to a lawyer if not married and been together that long common law marriage says your entitled to half of all assets being a vehicle and anything else you own

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I’d get a lawyer for this my self if he believes you should get nothing.

Whatever you had before him you get and same for him. The rest lawyer up

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Wow you made the right choice

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Why would you want any reminder, I would cut my loses and start over, he probably would throw it in your face that he bought you that stuff. A car I would take for sure though

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Break up or divorce? Because if it’s just a break up I don’t think you can get anything depending if your state follows common law. Plus if he’s saying his life would be better without you and the kids, I wouldn’t even bother forcing a relationship with this person for myself or for the children. Make sure the kids have all of their things when you guys split and cut your losses.

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If you pay the rent and bills then your home is yours I’d let him have it all I’d take the Only your kids furniture and stuff Your personal items memorabilia your kitchen items leave a few for him as well as like bedding ect the furniture either you come to agreement or sell it I’d make sure before you leave (if you have to leave) that you’re able to afford another place to live with your children to get into a place
Material things can always be replaced the mental abuse you have to go through with him thinking he can control you by keeping you there if he say you can’t have anything I’d just leave it and show him you don’t need him or the stuff
At least then you can live in peace else where
Good luck and you will make it
Don’t stay in a relationship because of material things
You deserve to be happy

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Get an attorney an go to court u can do mediation if he doesn’t want to agree to anything then u can go infront of a judge

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It sounds like he is not wanting to cooperate so it would be in your best interest to get a lawyer. I wouldn’t touch anything accept your stuff and the kids stuff until you get a lawyer. Divorce him and get him on child support with his visitation set up or if he wants them on weekends or whatever but that is going to be the best way he is not going to agree with you and you have already been through enough best of luck to you hope you get a great outcome!!

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I’d take all the kids stuff and split the rest. If there’s 2 couches take the biggest one as the kids will need room to sit down as well as you. take a coffee table and leave one take the appliances that the kids need the most. Like the microwave so they can cook themselves fast stuff. As far as the bed let him have it and you get you a nice new one at new your place. Just think about what the children will need to be comfortable at a new house as they are what matter the most and he if he doesn’t agree with that then hes a duchebag and just take the kids and stuff while he’s gone.

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Talk to an attorney an you have the kids so most stuff will go to you

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Lawyer up. You have the kids which means more expense for you long term.

Judging from comments Towards you would he treat you the same. NO!!

Be cordial not a pushover.

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Get a lawyer asap. Even all the cars will be split. You were married. His money or not that paid for them, they are still assets. Don’t wait.

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When my ex-husband left us we got everything except his car n his tools clothes n so on.

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The courts would give you the furniture just because you have children that need it. And they’d also give you a car for them.

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Do a madea split that stuff right down the middle, literally!!

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He should go through the house ALONE! ANF MAKE A LIST! you go through the house ALONE and make your own list alone! Then you two sit down with the list and talk about it like adults! :+1:

Girl I would hire an attorney, file for divorce, have him put out and you and the kids stay put!!

It depends where you live. Each state looks at relationships different; married v. not married for one if not married you really need a lawyer. If you can’t afford one check into legal aid. Have you tried sitting down & having a real conversation? A lot of men don’t like change. I don’t blame you for leaving. I think you are brave! Kids don’t need that in their life. I wish you luck & happiness!

If you have kids with him stay in the house and make him leave and pay you child support.

Get to an attorney pronto! He’s the one that should be leaving and I’m sure a judge would agree!

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Please get a lawyer cause I can guarantee it he’s going to leave you high and dry and without anything. If he’s said he will be better off without any of you that means he doesn’t care about hurting you and the kids by taking everything either. Plus since y’all was married for 18 years pretty sure he’ll have to pay alimony and he’ll have to pay child support too. So go get an attorney asap don’t just sit there and wait for everything to fall apart more

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Do not make any decisions or moves without a lawyer. Do not go anywhere. Quietly consult a lawyer to know your rights. They will see you free for a consultation. This is a must. I went through this. It is not up to him what you get

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You don’t need those things with bad energy. I say find you peace and get new things. It’s okay of it takes time… Free yourself.

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Unless he is willing to be civil, you may need to get a lawyer and take it to court.

I would say splitting everything is going to be complicated after 18 years, especially without being civil.

Been together or been married for 18 years? It makes a difference.

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He can’t just make you leave. If you get mail there, & have lived there more than 30 days he will have to court order evict you! At least where I live is like this (Ohio)

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I would check to see if common law marriage is in your state. It’s only acknowledged in a few states anymore. You guys have been together for 18 years. He sounds like an ass, take what you’re entitled to

I don’t see if you said you were married or not. That makes a big (huge) difference.

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Wow I hope you have some bills and assets in your name… and if not married and no proof of what you put into the relationship it may be hard

If he doesn’t plan on being the kids main caretaker… it’s him that leaves the house and starts fresh… it’s just himself. It’s easier to go off on your own and start fresh…
The one with the kids, that’s harder to find a place to live, more expensive, more stuff etc… the kids shouldn’t be uprooted and moved around and lose their beds, rooms etc…

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Lawyer he doesn’t get everything

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Together 18yrs or married 18yrs?

Whatever you do, do not leave that house, as in move out or go stay with family. If you leave that gives him the upper hand. You will just have to get a lawyer and split things equally, unless there are things you don’t want and want him to have, his things as you put it. Otherwise unless you signed a prenuptial, it should be split pretty equally

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Hurt people hurt people. :disappointed:
It’s his only he feels he can control the situation. Get a good lawyer and make a list of everything you want.

Wait, are you married? I guess it doesn’t say. There is common law marriage but… I’m not sure

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Check laws for your state. Who’s name is on big ticket items like the home, cars, etc? Are y’all married? Does your state have alimony? You really need to search the laws in your state and obtain legal counsel if you guys are done. Personally, after 18 years I would want as less as possible bc I wouldn’t want my next place to be filled with 18 years of reminders of what once was.

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See a lawyer if he doesn’t agree with you and make it a friendly seperation

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Make him leave you stay put

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He can have everything in the house after he writes you a check for half the rent, groceries and insurance for the past 18 years. If he was paying his share you would have had money to buy things too.

I agree with everyone else, you’re gonna have to go through court. He sounds like an ass that is going to make this as difficult as possible.

What SHOULD happen is what’s yours is yours, what’s his is his, and everything shared is sold and profits split. With the exception of things you’re willing to let the other keep. That’s what SHOULD happen. That’s what is fair. With a mean controlling ass like that though that isn’t what you’re going to get without a judge forcing him.

Get a lawyer. Make it where you can stay with the furniture and house and a car. Since he’s keeping his money to himself he should be able to buy furniture. I would not separate but get a divorce. If you separate he can basically keep the kids and anything else he wants. He is probably screwing around. That’s why he hides his phone. And he will continue to do this so it’s better to
Just get it over with and start healing and not be hurt anymore

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In my experience when you’re the person wanting out and doing the breaking up. The soon to be ex wants to fight and make things difficult as much as possible, as a way of holding on to the relationship longer and out of a need to make you suffer for hurting them.
Towels, sheets, furniture etc aren’t worth your personal sanity and happiness. Sometimes removing the fight and showing the person you’re serious and the other stuff doesn’t matter to you, that your priority is you’re done and it’s over.; sometimes they can see the fight means nothing to you anymore and they give in and start being fair. :woman_shrugging: But if he isn’t fair, just cut your losses and go. Hiring a lawyer to fight for used furniture will cost you a million times more than buying or replacing items.

start taking your part before you leave or else you might not get anything

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If you aren’t married…make a plan first…pack up and leave without him being home. Take a fair and reasonable amount of your stuff. And most if not all of the kids stuff. Keep it simple. No drama.

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Wait for him to go to work and pack his clothes and put them by the door enough said

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Nothing for a break up divorce is different

I would leave the furniture and start over with all new stuff .
That’s what I did and I had 3 kids and left my ex with everything except my clothes and my kids clothes toys and game systems
And I closed our bank account took his name off opened one in just my name leafy him what he put in the account

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Anything you came into the relationship with is yours. Anything built or bought together is split in half

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As far as splitting assets if you were never technically married I do believe you will have to file a civil claim in court
for the items you want or the cash equivalent. It would be different if you were married. Assets would be divided up or Forse Sale and you each gets what the Divorce court decides

Not sure why you are leaving, but anyways lawyer up and let them guide you…

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Depends if this is a real up for divorce. And not obviously the kids things would go with you. If y’all split the 50/50 half of their belongings would need to stay with him. He doesn’t get a say in what you take or leave. That’s up to a judge. With that being said, sometimes it’s easier to leave all that crap there and start fresh.

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Every situation is different. Myself, I just left him with everything except stuff I came in with. I couldn’t afford the mortgage so I didn’t argue that. Boats and vehicles he also kept. Furnature, all I took was my bed and dresser. All I wanted was split custody. He ended up giving me the plates and some other stuff. I left so I felt like I owed him I suppose. But definitely every situation is different especially if you are primarily paying for things.

AND this is EXACTLY why that “TINY INSIGNIFICANT LITTLE PAPER”(to many) DOES matter!!! After that paper is signed everything from that point on acquired (except an inheritance) is 50/50 property… hope you kept receipts and bank records of everything!!!

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(Speaking of Ga)
If y’all were married & can’t come to an agreement of who gets what, then the judge will decide that… NOT him!!! Nor will he decide about child support! So he can spout all the wills & wont’s all he wants to… :woman_shrugging:t3: not up to him.

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Most states would consider them a common law marriage after 7 years. She’s been with him 18 years

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Sometimes its better to separate Give it time. Whats meant to be will be. Time will tell.

Well if your married file for divorce and in the paper work ask for half.

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Unless legally married you aren’t entitled to anything unless you go to court and file a civil suit

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These are the common law rights in Canada. Search up the common law rights for where you live…. Common-law rights upon break-up - FREE Legal Information | Legal Line

Wait until he goes to work and then move. Take what you feel is fair. Leave him the rest.

And with a person like that there will be no peace for the kids. In fact he may quit seeing them. I have been through it.

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go to a lawyer and know what you’re entitled to.

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Lawyer time asap. You do deserve half the stuff or at min the stuff you’d like to have. Or wait til he’s at work and have family friends come in and take what you want when you leave. Esp if you aren’t trying to take half and esp if you paid for it.

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For goodness sake - see a lawyer as soon as possible. You paid for most everything - so take all you want he can’t take it all.

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I would get a lawyer and not do anything till it goes to court. Don’t leave the premises. Once you do it’s abandonment. You forfeit a lot if you walk away. It’s not his because his money paid for it. It’s community property. Period

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I left with one small TV and he changed all the locks in the house…

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So. We established the fact he neither loves nor respects you. Move on. First … make an exit plan, Your own bank account, etc. Look for a place to live or consider kicking him out, a lawyer will help. He ( or she ) will tell you how much alimony and child support to expect. Then file for divorce.

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File for divorce first and ask for alimony. Don’t try to keep the peace… blow that shit out of the water.

Do it the right way. Talk to him about splitting stuff. Write down what you want and have him write down what he wants. If he doesn’t agree with that, tell him you will be seeking a lawyer. In some cases he’ll have to pay for the lawyer. Face it, he already has someone he wants to move in and that’s why he says your leaving with nothing.Theres plenty of lawyers you can speak to and get advice before even hiring them. Be smart

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You get 50 % of all assets that includes pensions and 401 k

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It is sad he does not want the kids to have any furniture or supplies. Seek legal aid if needed. Depends on what State you live in. He is very selfish. I am so sorry.

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Get a lawyer and he will see that you get what’s coming to you, does this idiot know he has to pay child support?

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Let the courts decide and he should be the one going

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Depending on what state you are in but common law marriage has been done away with in many. Being that you were not married regardless of how long you have been together, unless the state recognizes it as a “marriage”, unfortunately the only thing you could go for legally would be child support. Just had someone very close to me that just went through this exact same scenario. Wish you the best of luck!

He should leave, go to court

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Get a lawyer. It doesn’t matter what he says or wants.

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Lawyer ASAP and write down anything he takes. Don’t split anything until it’s court ordered who gets what. He can be made to compensate you for anything brought during the marriage. Doesn’t matter if it’s (example: cars) in just his name unless he can prove he brought them before marriage.

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i’m so sorry but you have the kids and he should want to make sure his kids got everything and he came start new. I wish you good luck

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If you don’t want to get a lawyer then you take a day off work and you move out while he’s at work or not home. If you truly only want what’s fair then take what you think is fair.

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Yes he is wrong. If he cared about you any bit, he would understand how you feel and give you something to move on with. You have his kids, he’d look like a ginormous a******. Talk and try to tell him you don’t want this to be a big thing. And you don’t want everything and that he can have all his things. Remember you got those kids watching. I’m sorry you’re going through this, but maybe it’s for the best. For everybody.

if you’re paying for food, rent and insurance at HIS residence—walk on out with your kids and a lawyer on speed dial to set up child support and custody arrangements. Pay those things elsewhere. but don’t pay the rent and food and insurance at his place when you do—you’ll have the money for furniture - tell him you don’t intend to pay a dime more for rent or anything else, and don’t for several months—then save that money for a security deposit and first month rent. he really can’t make you leave if the bills aren’t paid—he will have to formally evict. that takes time. He won’t catch on til he comes home and you’re gone with your money

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He’s highly mistaken . Get a lawyer and you will get your fair share !

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If you have children HE should leave! He sounds selfish. If need be get a lawyer… there’s legal aid for those with low income. It doesn’t work the way he thinks it does. Maybe he’s trying to use it as a scare tactic? I condone you for trying to keep things more civil and obsolete from the children. I hope you are able to figure this out and he starts acting like an adult. It’s okay to separate from someone and it doesn’t have to be ugly.

He should just take things he needs nothing furniture wise u have kids so he should leave everything they use or need

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Lawyer!!

Not a time to be “nice”! You owe it to your kids!

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Take the furniture and the kids

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Trust me you don’t want anything starting new is liberating and having to look at things you’ve both shared like sofas you’ve both made memories on or beds or anything to that nature is not a relic of the past you want a reminder of. The fact that he’s saying that is actually very cruel to you leaving you willingly legless as a single mother and not wanting you to come out with anything that man is not a good dude. Let him keep his shit and have that emotional burden to bare. If anything go after money to help your children. I wouldn’t even be friends with someone who says that kind of stuff to me tbh. Being sivil is the only thing you’re responsible for doing.

If. You arent married you aint gotta devide anything. Get a parenting order and child support and move on.

If you are married get a divorce. Parenting plan and child support. The divorce will split up things. If it was yours before marriage its still yours. If it was obtained during marriage it is marrital assets. NEVER put anything in both of your names. If its yours put only your name on it.

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