How to cope with betrayal and the fallout?

I just found out that my long term boyfriend has been cheating on me...and he gave me herpes type 2. I am experiencing my first outbreak & thats why he came clean about the cheating. I am so heart broken. I need advice on how to live with this, I am in so much pain!! I have an antiviral medication, I went to the dr a few days ago but just got the test results today to confirm what it was. I never expected this to happen to me, he was always such a good dad to our kids & he treated me really well but he threw our family away like it was nothing...I am so sad & scared about how this could impact my future relationships...not that im really worried about that at the moment but still, a little advice or support would be appreciated, thanks for giving this a read, mamas!
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I would say this is as bad for me as domestic violence. So get this guy out of your life and get treatment for yourself and make sure he pays for it!

This is NOT the end of the world even though I know it feels like it. I have had HSV2 since 2014 from a POS guy who was intentionally giving it out to women. My best advice would be to get rid of the dueschbag and go live your best life. The initial outbreak is always the worst but it does get better, I swear to you. And if/when you’re ready, you can always check out Positive Singles if you wanna find friends or a boyfriend. Just be careful cuz there are creeps like every where. Also- to throw a statistic out there- one in three people have some form of HSV so even if you don’t want to do online dating, more people are accepting of it than you would think. Deep breaths mama, you got this.

There where signs but you chose to ignore them. He is not an international man of mystery lets be real. The first sign is that he is a long term BF with kids. A real committed man would not make children with a woman and not marry her. He wanted his cake and it to. And you allowed it for whatever reason. Now you are paying a hefty price for not putting a high enough value on your worth.
Obviously you must leave. It’s unforgivable enough to cheat but to cheat raw and put you at risk shows how low his regard for you and himself is.
Get treatment and be honest with your future Beau’s… there is someone out there that will consider you worth being extra careful.
So sorry but Ladies we have to do better!
We have to require our men to be MEN or move on. You are not their mothers and are not required to be there. STOP having children for men who will never marry you. There is a reason beside religious that it should be done this way. It is for financial and a FIRM commitment that they can’t justify cheering.
I know married men cheat but the consequences are different between HB and BF.
Good luck and do better for yourself and your kids!

I’m so sorry! First of all, leave him. I know it’s scary thinking about future relationships, but you deserve way more. Make sure to tell your future partner(s) you have it, you can get in trouble for not telling, & wear condoms. Go to your doctor & see about getting a medication that you can take daily. It may take time for that because you have to get so many outbreaks per year to get it prescribed, so if you get them a lot they will give it to you. It really helps bring the amount down. They can also give you a ointment, use a q tip and put some on the outbreak. It helps with the uncomfortable-ness & pain. Besides that I’ve heard some woman take baths to help pain or spray water while peeing to help. When you have an outbreak don’t use a cloth or anything down there even the shower, just let water run over it. Make sure you wash your hands especially if you touch the outbreak with your hand, it can spread to other body parts. The cells can’t survive on objects, towels, sheets, toilet seats for long so that can help ease your mind. Just know everyone is different, some people get them monthly, some get one outbreak and never get one again. Research what foods can lead to outbreaks, diet can help reduce them as well. Drink lots of water, cut down sugar. He wasn’t worried about you, so don’t worry about him. He didn’t tell you about it and give you the option to decide for yourself, he just risked it so he wouldn’t get caught. Leave him & cut off contact unless it’s about your kids.

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How to cope with betrayal and the fallout?

He will cheat again, leave him

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Oh hell naw I’d b throwing hands

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Do not stay with him. Next time he could bring you home a much worse illness.

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I think you need to look at the bigger picture here and see that this man gave you an incurable STD, honestly there is no forgiving that. I’d leave.

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i think you should run not walk away he will not stop , he will continue with a cheating life style . once a cheat always a cheat

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I’m so sorry you’re going through this :cry:

I would sue him for having an incurable disease and not informing you🤷🏼‍♀️

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Leave him, that is just disgusting that he going around without protection while cheating on you. You should get an HIV test as well. He’s only sorry he got caught, you need to leave him.

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My rule is if you cheat on me I will leave. If you cheat on me and give me an STD I will make your life hell and leave.

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God not only would I go after him but id make him tell me who she is and go after her ( for the herpes part unless she knew he was a cheater)

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I’d be castrating him then posting his face on every billboard stating he gives out herpes for free

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If he knowingly gave it to you he can get in trouble depending on what state you live in

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If he could put your health at risk, what else is he capable of ? Anything, leave

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I always say once a cheater always a cheater.

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Someone would be in jail. :grimacing: this is horrible, and I’m so sorry you’re even have to go through something like this. :pleading_face:

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Do tons of testing - leave him ; I’d be fighting with him do not stay

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Clearly he is having unprotected sex.

Sending a big hug sister! I would suggest getting a therapist. It really does help your mental health when going through a trauma like this. Whether you choose to stay or go, it will be hard and full of emotions. I’m so sorry you have to deal with this.

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I would never ever forgive him, I would probably be in jail and he would be in the hospital or 6 feet underground

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Bon fire time.
And then leave.

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Oh man that’s fucked up. I am guessing he got it from the girl he cheated with. Do u know how many girls it was. How do u know he isn’t lieing about anything else. I hope u leave him but I know it’s harder said then done when kids are involved

Definitely take care of you. Ask your doctor about a daily preventative for outbreaks instead of just treatment for when you have one :black_heart:

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Def never give him the time of day. Unless it’s regarding your kids. And don’t worry- it won’t mess up your future dating life. Just be honest and tell them :slightly_smiling_face:. If it’s a problem then :wave:

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If he had herpes type 2 and knew it and didn’t tell you he can go to prison. Literally. I went thro the same thing and now we have a daughter on top of that. So I’d call and file a report and let him know this is unacceptable. And make sure he tells anyone he is with about this. He is obligated to

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Make him leave and pay child support. I’m so sorry this happened to you. Do not continue that relationship with him because he would of just continued cheating if you wouldn’t have found out about the herpes.

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Pack all his things and leave his belongs by the front door, OUTSIDE. Say no word’s, he’s not worth it

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I feel that it would be best, for the two of you, to sit down, and have a heart to heart talk, about where both of you are, at this point, in your relationship. Speak from the heart, but only without animosity, or sarcasm, in your tones. Be silent, until the anger in you, subsides. :hugs::pray::revolving_hearts:

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I just wanna say im so sorry that this has happened to you and i believe you can sue him for that he probably knew he had it . Also I would leave him as soon as possible the only reason that pig even told you is because he gave you an illness take him to court and destroy him with child support and sue him for what he has done to you

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I’ll have him locked up & be done with him for good.

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Light that match put it where it belongs and don’t look back

I have a friend with that type of Herpes. It is an incredible betrayal. First of all get a therapist to help you through this. That’ll help you process and help cushion any potential damages that may affect future relationships. Also see if there’s any support groups near you, that could be your biggest help.

Now as for the disease itself, it’s going to suck getting used to treating it, but once you do you’ll be ok. You just do your treatments, and don’t have sex on an outbreak. As time passes you’ll find what comforts you through a breakout and works best for your body. I can’t remember anything I’ve been told at this moment, because I haven’t run into many people that need herpes advice.

Overall though know that you are worthy of love. You are not dirty. You are not any of the nasty things nasty people say. NEVER listen to them. You trusted your partner to keep you safe, and he failed. That’s not on you.

Kick that scrub to the curb. You concentrate on you boo. Ask your doctors about a treatment that will help prevent breakouts instead of treating breakouts. Praying for you

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Oh look another post that makes me hate men. I’m so sorry dear

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Look into medical medium, dr sebi teachings and Yada on Facebook for diet to help keep immune system in balance, don’t feed into the this is the end headspace. Leave him and work on getting you balanced back and this isn’t the end, you will find someone thats right for you. Start taking l-lysine, vitamin c and juice, fresh or something like bolthouse farms green goodness to start out daily.

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I could have wrote this myself pretty much the same thing happened to me I tried like hell to forgive my ex but I just couldn’t every time he was late from work or on his phone I thought he was talking to someone else I’ve now been on my own with 3 kids for 5 years and tbh it’s easier on my own then it was with him around and as for the herpes you have a legal obligation to tell any future partners I’ve personally not had one since being on my own and I’ve only had that one initial break out and one more (which wasn’t half as bad) stress can make you have a break out hope your ok I know exactly how heartbreaking this situation is

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My ex son in law had gotten such a severe case of herpes he was hospitalized. In quarantine in the hospital for several weeks. He finally remarried and had children. That was about 35+ yrs ago. His partner was unaware that she had herpes. Or so she told him. People need to be honest about those thinks.

That’s a total deal breaker. Leave him.

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That’s flat out sad & disgusting and there’s just no excuse for it.I would never in my life talk to him again and not worry about relationships in the future. You need to take care of you and your kids. No a slime ball who infected you with something you can never get rid of because he didn’t care enough about you. Hopefully you can get child support. I’d sue his assss.

It’s time to leave. If he can do it once he’ll do it again and again. Your children would rather see their mother happy than being mistreated by their father. Children sense things.

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I am so sorry you are going through this!! You and your children will definitely be in my prayers! Please don’t give this man any of your time except what you have to do for your children. You are strong and can get through this. It will be tough for future relationships but just know they are not him. I wish you and your babies a blessed life!!

Throw them hands girl! :clap:t2::clap:t2::clap:t2::clap:t2:

Get his shit and throw his ass out!

Hang in there. First outbreak is always the worst and most painful. Ask your doctor for numbing cream and a prescription to stay on the preventive medicine. Valtrex. It minimizes your risk of another outbreak or passing it on to someone else. It does have to be taken daily.

I know the feeling of pain and betrayal in the end you need to decide what you feel like you deserve! I can tell you that there are men out there that will not cheat on you, and appreciate you the way they should. Hang in there hon.

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Im so sorry i really dont know what yo say about this kind of situation but if you need to talk or a friend i have open arms dear… Men can be so disrespectful and disgusting and plain out a**holes.

I’m so sorry. Please ensure you take your meds. Get on the one a day valtrex and know that you’re not alone. Lots of people have herpes these days.
He was absolutely horrible for cheating and giving you an STI. I’m so sorry

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Ummm I think you can hold him legally accountable for sleeping with you knowing he has a non curable disease. I may be wrong, but I know Usher got sued for giving someone the herp without informing them ahead of time…so if you wanted that sort of closure. 🤷

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To whoever the OP is

PM me. I have lots to share with you!

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From what I’ve been told, the first outbreak is the worst; after that they are less and less frequent and dont make you feel as sick or in pain. I’ve also been told by a nurse that it is so common that it’s not too hard to share the information with prospective partners.

That’s so sad he cheated!!! He have type 1 in genital as well. Rare occasions, but I still unfortunately get the bad lip irritation, swelled so bad! Had to sit around naked, it was terrible!

It is your life - there is no easy way to stay or leave - all choices hurt hurt hurt . So —— don’t feel you have to make a choice today — live in it for a minute - think about it - feel it —and I wish you comfort and love during this most stressful time.

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I would honestly seek counsel from a lawyer and a therapist. :cry: sorry this happened

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He will always be their dad, so for the children’s sakes, you need to be sure they maintain a good relationship with him! BUT, that doesn’t me you have to be in a relationship with him! Once a cheater, always a cheater! Cut and run and consider yourself fortunate to have gotten away from him!!! I just wish you’d gotten away before the STD. Life’s too short not be happy and feel safe in your own home!!!

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Without trust and respect, you will not feel like you are in a relationship. He will continue to cheat, so that will not be restored. Find the best way to coparent your children and break away from the relationship

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Whoever the op is feel free to message me I have lots I can share with you.

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Hmm? I got mine from my husband, too, 35 years ago. It gets better with time. :v: I’m so sorry. :heart:

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Young one - you’re gonna be okay. Follow the advice from your doctor. You need to focus on what’s going on in your life right now. Don’t worry about future relationship- you just get all your ducks in a row - make the break- remain friends because your children are learning by watching you.
The old saying “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” - you will gain enormous amount of wisdom and strength from this. In my humble opinion a journal would come in handy - write your goals, your questions and your thoughts - when you have doubts- read it and see how you may have handled it - even more you’ll see how far you have come kiddo. :heart::v:t4:

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It’s heartbreaking to find out they’re a cheater! Even sadder that he didn’t have any regard for your healthy wellbeing for not wearing protection or finding out what diseases she may be carrying! You certainly can seek treatment! I’d rethink staying married to that moron though!

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You are thinking of NEW relationships.??? Think of your children .

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You mean ex boyfriend right? Throw the whole man away!
If you can find out if a doctor told him he has herpes and he had sex with you knowingly you can hold him legally accountable.

I’m so truly sorry you are going through this with him and your family lots of people live with this and the first out break is the worst there are daily meds you can take and creams your doctor can prescribe. Past experiences if you soak in Epsom salt or use vitamin e oil sometimes it helps the healing process of your outbreak. Stress and heat sometimes trigger an outbreak pregnancy and hormone changes do sometimes as well. Just know your Not Alone and learn as much as you can so you can know the dos and donts and are able to inform future partners. I have lived with this for 16 years my husband now meet me after I had contracted this and loves me now matter what. You will find love honest love in another’s heart one day. Please stay strong about your self and don’t think any less of who you are. This does NOT define you and you have control over your own happiness so know deep inside your wroth, love and happiness await you with another man. He is not the one if this is how he treats you.

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Sorry this happened to you, ive no advice just wanted to say hope things get better for you

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He can still be a good dad to the kids but some things can’t be forgiven . That would be one of them for me . Sending u hugs :two_hearts:

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I’m sorry that happened to you. In your future relationship you’ll only be a risk if you’re in an active outbreak. One of my great friends had this happen but didn’t know he had given her an std and it turned to cervical cancer and she’s no longer alive at 38. I’m really glad that you found out and are able to treat it and leave him.

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I am so sorry this happened to you :-((. My ex also got std type 2 and thankfully I never got it. It was caught during an outbreak. He swore up and down he never cheated. I knew better. I was told better by doctors and even his mom doubted him. I tried to believe him and stayed and made sure we were “safe” and he was on meds. Truth is, i never fully trusted him again. Things ended in a bad way. It sucks that he cheated and you feel betrayed. It truly sucks that now you caught it too :disappointed:. I really am sorry mama. I would say, therapy, leaving him and time. Focus on your babies and know that things will be better in the future :heart::heart:.

Focus on getting better and then you need to have a sit down with your boyfriend about him cheating if it’s worth staying or going your separate ways

Cheating is pretty unforgivable.

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Break up with him he put you at risk and gave you an std. get into therapy so you can deal with the fallout of your relationship and becoming a coparent. Don’t be afraid to ask questions to your doctor. And file for custody and support ASAP!

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wow. There isn’t ever really a way to get over it, you just move on but it’s always in the back of your mind. He wouldn’t have even told you if it was for him giving you something. Think about that as well. And please don’t think you have to stay with him in fear someone else won’t be with you because of it. Get better!

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Oh sweetie I’m so sorry, people we love will always let us down , I’m going through the motions to, the only thing I find that helps is exercise and natural endorphins but I don’t always stick to it xx

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Get rid of him.
You’ll be ok.
Better down there then on your face…

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Somebody removed and reported my comment on here smh. :joy:

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This is what I see at work recommended by physicians aside from the oral viral rx’s. -Acetaminophen or ibuprofen for pain.
-Do not scratch to prevent infection.

-Cold compress or ice pack may help (we sell Frida Mom maternity ice maxi pads. I’m sure you can buy on Amazon or local drug store)
-Stressing over it might make it loner to heal

Most importantly get some professional help because it’s a lot to deal with…

Please remember you are not dirty or disgusting for having it. You are still the same person as before. This does not change who you are. It may feel like it, but I promise it doesn’t. I know a couple people who have HSV type 2 and as long as they stay on top of their medication, they almost never have an outbreak.

I am so sorry you are going through this.

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damn prayers for you my love … tho i dont really have any input through self experience i do have a cousin with the same we don’t really talk about how it’s been for his future relationships but he is very much happy with a new loving person in his life so there is hope someone will love u and respect u the way you deserve good luck

You must put yourself first. Cheating on its on is heartbreaking but to also catch something and not telling you till then. Ok shows he cared to an extent but that doesnt dissolve the matter of trust and betrayal. My suggestion is not to be bitter bc of the kids but its time to move on. Staying in a relationship just bc of kids isnt the greatest idea. You deserve faithfulness, trust, and love. The choice of how you want to deal with this is yours but dont sell yourself short

*leave said “boyfriend”
*Take care of yourself
*Take care of your baby’s
*Take your meds
:heart:You got this momma​:heart:

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That would be a break up just for cheating BUT giving me an STD I’d catch a charge probably. I’d have punched him. I know because this happened to me when I was 18. It was a different STD but I was still pissed.

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Leave him. He’s not worth staying with. He doesn’t deserve you and will continue to cheat…

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Would you have even known he’s unfaithful unless you experienced this?
You, however, are still the same woman.
Do what’s best for you and your children.
Talk to a therapist.
Take your antivirals.
I’m so sorry all of this happened to you.
:blue_heart:

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If it’s painful when you pee like you’re having a hard time making yourself go cuz it hurts so bad ask for some lidocaine cream ( it’s a prescription) or Vaseline can help too as acting like a barrier. I’m sorry you’re going through all of this.

Only you truly know what’s best for you and yours…give it to God, if you’re a believer, and he’ll let ya know what to do…you are stronger than you feel at the moment, you will get thru this. Prayers for you sweetheart.

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If it wasn’t for your symptoms he wouldn’t of come clean and would probably still be going round there now… he’ll do it again of course he will… and what’s even saying this is the first time get outta there!

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I am so so sorry that you have to go through this

Next time he could bring home something else.

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Get rid of him and move on!

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Please don’t stay with him because u think u can never have another relationship again. I know several people who have had healthy safe relationships with having hsv2. The meds can eventually prevent outbreaks. Im sorry youre dealing with this double betrayal. I can only imagine. You can and will get through this just take it 1 day at a time.

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I wonder if he knowingly had herpes and had sex with you, without telling you? If so, thats illegal. If I had any proof of this, I would contact a lawyer and press charges.

Dump his a** and join some type of herpes support group. That way you can have discussions with people who KNOW what you’re going through. I know it’s difficult for you to process right now but it’s not the end of the world honey. You will be okay and when the time is right, you will still be able to find someone else.

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Obviously dump him for cheating. I have a close friend who has a similar story and because she confided in me I did a ton of research. 1 in four people have HSV2 and you would never know. After the first couple outbreak you likely will get less then four total outbreaks a year. My friend says she gets around two a year on average. Hers are brought on by stress or hormonal issues 99% of the time. Keep the area dry and clean and NO touching. Your able to have sexual relationships and never pass it if you always use protection and never have sexual contact during an active breakout. You are still you, this doesn’t change your value or worth. Do your research and talk to your doctor. Knowledge is power.

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Did he know he contracted it before you had the outbreak? If so, in addition to leaving him simply based on the cheating, I would definitely be suing him! Based on where you live it can be illegal to knowingly have unprotected sex with someone if you’ve tested positive for certain STDs.

I’ve had herpes zoster (SHINGLES) in my eye for nearly 30 years. I use to get an outbreak every 2 months or so.
Staying on anti virals is the answer. Once you find the antiviral that works for you, you can stay on that for life and have very limited outbreaks if any at all.

Someone I know has the same as you and she said she hasn’t had an outbreak or pain since being on medication. She as honest with her partner from the start and they now have 2 kids together and never had a problem.

Just focus on YOU and your little one. Get on top of your health and move on.

Stress isn’t good for ANY kind of HSV etc, so you need to be your first priority and not let the ‘partner / father of child’ take control of you or the situation.

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First, kick him out of your life. Second, stay on your preventative meds. They help prevent outbreaks AND keep your viral load down so you will not spread HSV2.
Third, in future dating, you can choose not to have sêx with anyone until you are serious about them, and have the discussion then. Condoms help prevent spread.

The elephant in the room is the fact that not only did he cheat, but he did so unprotected and then came home to you where you were blindly under the assumption that you were in a “safe sexual partnership”, thats attempted murder in my view, you should thank the stars you werent given a terminal surprize, and then plot your exit strategy

My ex is a carrier. Which means he will never have an outbreak. Never knew that was a thing until I ended up with herpes 2. I stayed for 3 years cause I thought no one would want me. I have had relationships since. Granted it’s not easy but it’s possible.

Oh girl that’s not good. You need to leave him! I’m so sorry your going through this :disappointed: You don’t deserve it! Girl you need to tell him he needs to go :wave:t2: :v:t2: And stick to it or he will think he can keep doing that!! Good luck, Momma and keep us posted :heart:

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