How to cope with your S.O wanting to have an open relationship?

This isn’t an open relationship. This is him cheating on you but not hiding it. And you’re allowing it. It’s time for you to make some hard life decisions. If you’re not ok with it you need to leave. But if you don’t leave, then it’s on you.

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He just wants permission to cheat without the guilt.
When a spouse does something and it hurts the other, and there’s no desire to change, f that. You deserve better!

Run! Grab those kids and run!
An open relationship my ass! Nah girl run! He’s openly cheating and you’re allowing it… you deserve so much better!!

That doesn’t sound like an open relationship. Only wanting that because he has a person in mind is him saying hey give me permission to cheat on you.

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Is she married? Fuck her husband? Lol jkjk leave ur husband tho cause what the freak

Also I’m not sure about your story because you said she lives 10 minutes away and is married with 2 kids but you also said she’s your roommate. That doesn’t make sense.

It’s the children that I feel bad for… These kids have to go to school with the kids of the mistress. Both sets of kids are innocents! This is a selfish act on the part of the husband… The wife needs to get a backbone and protect her kids!!

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I definitely agree with what almost everyone else has said in this post that ultimately you should leave.

However, if that’s not the answer you’re searching for,
Or that answer hasn’t sat right with you yet I’d be asking myself why that is first and foremost.

If you still are in a form of denial about not realizing this man is taking advantage of your own insecurities, and if he truly is wanting an open marriage, try opening yourself up to other men and seeing how that sits with you maybe?

You may not be ready fully to leave, but seeing and talking with other men might help you realize you are worth more love and attention that he is offering to you. It may also help you disassociate with him as well and realize you and your kids are better off.

It’s always so easy to just respond to these with just leave, but sometimes it’s not so easy for the woman asking for help, and if that option doesn’t work for you right now, maybe try doing the same thing he is doing and see how that opens up options for what you may or may not want to do in the future

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so being in an open relationship ship myself. we both agree to it. if he says no to someone I want to see its no. and same with him. I told him I needed a break. which also meant him to. and he said ok
and stopped. my issue with what your saying is that it’s a parent of someone your kids go to school with. that will get ugly and drama. we are in a drama free zone. if it starts that’s it. we would never be with someone who had anything to do with either of our kids.
also it’s not something you want. that would be the end of it.

He just wants to fuck other people.

You both sound like you need to grow TF up. Sad and pathetic, really though. It grosses me out that people can actually live like this

Was this discussed beforehand? It’s not an open relationship if it began without your open consent, it’s just cheating. Open relationships can be good when there’s tons of open and honest communication, boundaries, and respect. If those things aren’t happening and you were never apart of his decision to be open and you’re not consenting then it’s not open, it’s just cheating and him trying to justify it.

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Leave him, he’s more or less cheating in front of u. Take ur babies n go

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He is cheating. This isn’t a open relationship. This isn’t a relationship at all. Your a roommate who takes care of the kids. You deserve better. You need to kick him out and have him pay you child support and alimony. Go get a lawyer. Do not talk to him first and just serve him the papers.

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That would be a huge nope. Open relationships are only open relationship if you both are on board & okay with it. When you both arent, and one does it anyway, that is cheating. File for divorce, with him commiting adultry as part of your reasoning. You deserve better than this &so do your children. Do you want them to see dad treating mom like crap & think that thats okay to accept in a relationship?

Id also be finding out if the other husband knows & if he doesn’t, tell him.

He doesn’t respect you. Don’t allow that to continue. Leave & don’t look back.

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One of you will always be sacrificing your beliefs for the other throughout the course of the relationship. If he is striving to be monogamous for your sake he isn’t being his true self. If he can’t be his true self with you is it a full and enriching relationship? There is no shame in knowing that you are non-monogamous and making sure that your partners know that as well. There is a challenge in finding those who support and agree with your belief system where sexuality is concerned. Monogamy is a myth. Even in relationships that are supposed to be faithful, the occurrence of outside “partners” is common and is something that will have to be faced and dealt with.

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He can have it as open as he wants when he walks out the door, it’ll be firmly locked behind him :joy:.

What a cheeky f.

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You have two choices. Since you’re in an open relationship find someone new. This shouldn’t be one sided. Or move on, get divorced and find someone that wants to be committed to you and only you. Right now it seems he’s basically asking for permission to cheat and by doing so manipulating you into thinking you made the choice to do this.

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So what really got me was you saying that he missed his 20’s and 30’s because of you and the kids. He didn’t miss those years, he spent them with you guys. Please don’t think like that, your family is valuable and he got his 20’s and 30’s with family but now it sounds like he’s changed and that happens. But if YOU aren’t comfortable with the open relationship you agreed to, then you as his wife, need to speak up. You are allowed boundaries and needs in your relationship and it may come to divorce but so be it, you deserve to be happy too. It doesn’t need to be uncivil, it doesn’t need to be a fight, you can tell him your needs and he can decide. I’m certain you’ll feel so much better when it’s over.

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That’s not an open relationship that’s him telling you that he’s in love with some other girl. Walk away and take your kids let him have his younger girlfriend but make sure you let her husband know…

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Are you crazy? Kick them both out or leave w your kids.

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I mean this in the most caring way possible. This is not a open relationship. He is cheating on you because he wants to be a boy again and not be with one person. You are obviously not ok with this and it’d okay to not want this. You deserve someone that makes you happy.

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Find you some one and see how he feels about it then. Right now it’s just ok for him to do it. He needed a ok to cheat

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The fact that you even allow this to go on is absurd, what’s even more ridiculous is the fact you don’t have a man on the side yourself since y’all have an open relationship (more like one sided) At least make it equal if you gonna let him carry on that way ma’am or move on because if y’all both in your 40s carrying on this way you’ll never be happy

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Kick his sorry ass out find the other husband tell him if he don’t know divorce as part of adultry and alimony and child support don’t let your kids see him treat you that way your literally letting your self get cheated on right in front of your face it’s only a open relationship if both people are ok with it

Um yeah he is just cheating. He does not care about you or respect you in any way shape or form. You’re showing your kids that this is acceptable when it just isn’t. Also, he didn’t miss his 20s… lol he chose how he spent them, he can’t resent you because of his decisions.

Sounds like you have outgrown your husband and the need for an open relationship.

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If it’s not comfortable for the other person and it’s still being pursued, then it’s probably time to consider ending the relationship or marriage. While I personally know couples who are in open marriages, I can say with absolute certainty that both are 100% in with the circumstances and have as mutual respect of boundaries and there are also do’s and don’ts they live by. This one sounds like he wants permission to have an affair and start a new relationship. You shouldn’t feel guilty about the life he chose in his 20’s and 30’s and you shouldn’t have to change who you are and what your views are or how you feel about sex and monogamy. Get yourself lined up for divorce. While it’s not easy, it’s a way better choice then feeling blind sided when he decides it for you or if your kids were to find out.

If he wants an open relationship and you’re interested in finding someone else whether to satisfy yourself or make him mad, let him do what he wants and get you some too. If he says anything just tell him that’s what an open relationship is. Not just him having extra candy. You get some too. If you don’t want to or have the heart for it, call him on his bullcrap and bring to light that what he’s doing is cheating. Because if both parties aren’t ok with it that’s all it is.

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This is not a open relationship. In a open relationship you both have to agree on situations. And the I love you is definitely a huge NO! He’s cheating right in front of you. Leave him, let him have her.

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I’d kick his wanna be teenage ass outta the house! That’s crazy…he clearly isn’t thinking or cares about how your feeling! Seems when he wants a new piece then it’s easy to say open relationship an by the sounds of this your not happy at all with any of this!

Its time to roll out! Fk that shit.

Girl leave him. Idk why you’re even asking this

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Have an open relationship with his friend and when he starts crying and moaning over it tell him you missed your 20s and 30s because you spent them
With him

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Leave leave leave leave leave! You don’t deserve that type of bad treatment

Walk away!! An open relationship is where BOTH parties agree to it. This sounds more one sided. Though you did specify if you had someone on the side as well. But when your SO starts spouting the L word to someone else, to me, your relationship means nothing to that person anymore. Others are saying get divorced, but you also didn’t say you were married, just together. If you’re not happy, the kids will notice. Please take a deep look into what YOU want for yourself, and for your kids. If this is not right, then perhaps it’s time to move on. Good luck.

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Oh baby I’d find me a NEW dick to ride attached to one fine ass man and be all up in hubs face with it. What’s good for the gander is good for the goose. It’ll make it or break it, either way you’ll have an answer…. And a move to make… I’d have so much fkn fun bringing him to his knees. Go get a new hairstyle, & a new look and hit the town. Leave his ass and his hanger on with the cooter poots & do YOU.

Why do you keep having babies with someone so disrespectful? Kick his butt out! Don’t you value yourself more than that?

He’s cheating, an open relationship is talked about at the BEGINNING of a relationship. I know a lot of people in these relationships and they are always super respectful of each other’s feelings. He just went out and cheated on you and is trying to pretend it’s something else. Even people who are polygamist have strict rules when it comes to their relationships…

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He’s just telling you he’s cheating in a nice way :joy:

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I would definitely leave! That is so disrespectful!

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SO HES HAVING THE OPEN RELATIONSHIP WITHOUT THE PERMISSION BUT IS STILL ASKING FOR PERMISSION?? sis he’s cheating on you already. You just happened to find out.

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Open relationships, both parties need to agree and discuss it. If one party doesn’t agree to the slightest thing, its not an open relationship. My advice is you need to get on agreeing terms together for this open relationship or it needs to end. If he doesn’t want it to end then you really should be done with him, because obviously a relationship is not what he wants.

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You are better than that. He should treat you with more respect. You gave him 4 children. If you can’t work out what is wrong in y’all relationship then let him go. Maybe see a councilor. Hold your head up and say …no. God has a better man for you. God bless. :pray::pray:

If my hubby suggested an open relationship I would suggest he went out the door and didn’t come back through it! It sounds more like he wants to sleep with someone else with your permission. If you want to have other partners as well then it may work for you otherwise it will chew you up inside until you put up with it because you think you don’t deserve any better, well you do x

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Do what makes YOU happy. No one (even in an open relationship) can give you valid advice because if he makes you happy and it’s in your head you should be mad, but aren’t. That’s Your choice and your business.

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Kick his ass to the curb. Respect yourself and don’t be a doormat.

It’s not an open relationship if you both are not in agreement. How would he react if you had someone on the side?

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It sounds a lot of one-sided and open relationships need to be both sided you both need to agree on it. Me and my husband have an open relationship for 13 years and we’ve never had any issues. You have to trust each other and work together and never keep anything from each other and again it has to be both sides. It’s all about trust you have to trust each other. It don’t work if you don’t have that.

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What a horrible dilemma. It’s seems that this open relationship is one sided and he’s getting all the perks, whilst you’re left begging for scraps. If you’re unhappy about the situation and have told him so, then it’s just plain old cheating on his part. The only difference is that he’s being honest about it and thinks he has your “permission”. He probably thinks he’s the bigger person and wants a pat on the back for his honesty. What a POS. It’s clear that he’s causing you and your children emotional anguish and that is not acceptable. Communicate with him. If he still wants an open relationship, then he’s not the one for you. You deserve better ie someone who just wants you.

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Oh mama…hugs. I couldn’t handle all that. Sounds like you are not getting much but pain from this relationship.

I’d pack and leave. You deserve to be respected

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For me, if my husband suggested an open relationship, he can go and be free because I’m not dealing with that

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He’s cheating on you. Have some self respect and leave. You have to show your kids some normalcy because this isn’t it. Let him be a teenager and fuck people in the woods and also pay you child support so you can move on and find somebody that treats you with kindness and respects your boundaries.

I personally couldn’t do an open relationship. If you’re seeking outside of what we have, then clearly I’m not enough and we don’t need to be together. My personal opinion.

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You might as well split up. This is cheating

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Sounds like he’s already moved on. I’m sorry

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If yall agreed to it, you made your bed, lay in it. Its not cheating when its something agreed on.

If its not something you can do ether stop it or leave. But I know the pain of not having needs fulfilled. It’s bs when you don’t put out but don’t allow them to get it elsewhere ether. Should you have to have sex when you don’t want? No. Of course not, but he shouldn’t have to go without ether because you’re not in the mood

Yuk. Your partner is using you and them. You deserve someone who chairishes you. I’m sorry you picked a creepo.

Let’s simplify it. Your husband/partner is having an affair with your kids classmates mother. He is cheating but you are aware of it and sadly have to hear them confess love to each other. So basically you’re the little wife at home with four kids while he has a mistress. Kick him out. Your children should not be displaced from their home because their father is a douchebag. You deserve respect. If you Agree to this relationship he has with another woman just to keep him then you are not being kind to yourself. I am sorry this happened to you.

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Ask your husband if you can have another guy in bed. See how he feels. Thankfully my husband only wants me. He doesn’t like strippers or none of that stuff either. He’s a family man when he isn’t at work he’s with us at home. If you aren’t comfortable with what your husband wants tell him. If he continues to disrespect you, save up money behind his back and find a plan b house and while he’s at work move your stuff out

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Leave. You’re not happy and it’s not working for you. If you were fine you wouldn’t be asking on here for validation. It’s not okay. I’m sorry you’re going though this. KNOW YOUR WORTH. You deserve more. And there is better out there girl.

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Your wasting your time move on time to grow up . Life is to precious

Cortar x lo sano,quiere tener todo y eso no es posible,en la vida hay q elegir,te está haciendo perder tu vida y no te merece,dile: se rompió la taza y cada cual para su casa

Kick him out file for support and find yourself a man that commits only to you not his dick

This is straight up cheating!!! Move on

Run don’t walk , I’d be gone ain’t no way

I would say you’re alone. That story just sounds like it’s from smut show or movie. Only referencing the story, not your situation.

Sadly you are teaching your children that this kind of behavior is ok !! Do you get to Fxxk whoever you want also ?? Where is his respect for you and his children!! Where is your self respect???

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Does her husband know this is happening? Open relationships are mutual…not one sided. He is totally disrespecting you. Time to move on so you can start living your best life!

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Holy shit kick his sick ass out!!

Thats not an open relationship-thats just an excuse for him to get more sex, without it being considered cheating. Fuck that nonsense

Leave. But if you really do want to stay with him, then you should get your self a man, he can’t say nothing because he is the one who wanted the open relationship, if he asks you to not see any other man then you can tell him that either you both end the open relationship or you will do as you please like he is.

Fuck him off is the only advice I can give here…know your worth!

I would not put up with this. I’m all for open relationships but this is not the same. He’s cheating on you basically and trying to make it OK. When a couple decides TOGETHER that they want this its TOGETHER. Its planned out so that you don’t hurt each other and that’s the most important thing, that you don’t hurt each other. He would talk to you about feelings growing while assuring you that you’re still the ONE. What he’s doing is cheating on you and devaluing your relationship. He doesn’t deserve an open relationship and maybe you don’t deserve him. Figure it out before it affects the kids.

Does this ladies husband know he’s in an open relationship?!
Honestly I wouldn’t sit back and deal with this Jerry Springer shit.
Tell him to get the f out… see if he can move into his gfs house with her husband and her kids… or move… FAR AWAY… so your kids don’t have to deal with that embarrassing shit at school.
You are too good for this… or if you want to stay, get a boyfriend… while your husband is out camping in the woods… have your bf over keeping your bed warm.
Open relationships can’t be open one way

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If u ain’t feeling it then you will just hate it more And more and resent him. Also if it was pose to be just xxx then why the I love you’s? Leave now he will just leave u for her

This does not sound like an open relationship to me, an open relationship is a two-way street, and has more rules than a regular relationship…way more rules… all rules are agreed-upon. Open relationships and doing whatever you want is two different things. Carry-on a long-term relationship is not an open relationship. There are rules that way no one‘s feelings get hurt. If he is truly only in it for the sex and you are okay with that , then you guys need to join a swingers group, it’s NOT exactly what is sounds like, A lot of them will have a house party with six or a couple sometimes more they have barbecues and hang out they make a separate room for playtime and you could either join in or NOT, but you go home with your spouse and the only time things happen is that those parties it, it’s like a Tupperware party, lol :joy:
But for real, most swingers would consider this cheating the way it’s being handled not the act of sex.
Ps, I’m not a swinger but I have family that is, and they have an amazing marriage and I can guarantee you this he would not act like this!

One sided open relationships is just cheating. Your husband is cheating on you and you’re allowing it to happen.

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An open relationship implies that BOTH of you agree to it, and it’s open for BOTH of you. The only thing open about what you just described, is that he’s openly cheating on you. You’re obviously not on board with it, so why tolerate it? Kick his ass to the curb. Let his lover and her husband take him in.

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Time to go girl…that’s not an open relationship that’s a sex addiction!

Leave his toxic BS sis!!!

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Does he approve if you have someone?
Does her husband know?
Its sounds as tho cheating is going on.
How open is it supposed to be.
Its not open if your not ok with this.
I can already tell your not ok with this because of your post. Its sounds like its time for you to move on.

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And you’re with him why?

Take the kids and leave… they don’t need this anymore than you do.

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Sugar, you have value and deserve so much more. Move on.

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So you haven’t answered on having an open relationship and he went and got another girlfriend anyway, CHEATING ON YOU, what do you need the internet for he gave you his answer he doesn’t give a shit about you or your answer!!

Omg! Wow! This is the beginning of the end for you guys. That’s my guess. Unless you’re 1000% down with this he is CHEATING and YOU ARE ALLOWING IT! oh wow wow wow. All bad.

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smells like a divorce is needed.:sneezing_face:

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He is not a man, he is a creepy fuk boy who only thinks with his d!ck…
You qnd your kids deserve far better treatment than this, he obviously wanted the relationship and the kids back then, so it definitely wasn’t that you that held him back in his 20’s and 30’s.
Get away from this mess and love yourself and your kids or thus will have a profound effect on them!
You’re being manipulated & cheated on…
Imagine reading this again but its from one of your children about their partners, would you like this life for them?
Who tf carries a tent around for that! Seriously, the faster you get out of this, the happier you will be…

Honey open relationships works both ways and if he’s not cool with you having another dude like he has another lady then it’s just an excuse for him to openly cheat on you. I know leaving isn’t as easy as it sounds either. Sometimes you gotta do what’s best for you & especially whats best for your kids.

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The comments thou…hmmmm…open relationship is if u both get to have outside friendships…how it is any of the kids business if and whom somebody’s having sex with. I get an open relationship idea and support it if it is happy and healthy. Don’t let other people judge what u and your partner do behind closed doors. Be grateful you ain’t being lied to like so many of us😘 put you 1st not him and whats meant to be is meant to be

Girl
I’d be packing his shit and dumping in her front yard

That’s fine. Find you a little side piece to say “love you too” and get your rocks off with. He’s such a toxic manipulative person. If you’re not comfortable with it, it’s CHEATING.

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If my husband asked for an open relationship even ONCE, I would take it as him asking for a divorce and grant him his desired freedom. Just being honest.

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Sounds like asshole of a “husband”. I’d be kicking him where it hurts! Don’t sell yourself short or get your kids involved in something like this. You and your kids deserve better It will never turn out well IMO.

What’s good for the goose is good for the gander-if you insist on staying in this bs for whatever reason-you go do you

He’s getting his cake and eating it too!! Girl you got to find a way out. NOT COOL!

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He’s basically saying he is going to cheat with or without an your permission

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Open relationship is open. All parties agree to everything and talk about everything. Communication is key. Communication, boundaries, respect for self and the others involved. If things have went on without each person knowing it’s not an open relationship it’s sneaking and deceitful.

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