Has anyone had to slowly weed out a family member you love, for the sake of your own sanity? But felt terrible because you want that loving relationship? I need words of comfort or hard advise.
I’ve always been big into being family oriented. I grew up in a large family. My mom was my best friend, until I grew up and could see past her shit. Now that I’m on my third child(currently pregnant) and I honestly don’t know how much more “crazy” I can take. It’s to the point I only go over when there are more people to see, she’s not aloud into my house, our texting has gone down, and when we see each other its a sideways hug and “nice to see you” deal.
( I have never and will never keep her from my kids lives, she’s a great grandmother, she loves them very much. This is between me and her only)
Please tell me I’m not selfish, Please tell me my sanity is worth standing up for even if she is my mom, please.
I’m so conflicted because she’s was a great mother, she loves us I know, but she will never change who she is because she won’t allow anyone to talk negatively to her. She will never grow as a person. She will never apologize.
Example: the second to last time I had her in my house we, as a family, were trying to get my nursery set up(moving one room to the next to use the room as a nursery)
While moving the rooms around she saw a family picture she accused me of stealing out of her home. I tried to explain she gave it to me and forgot but she insisted I was a thief and I asked her to leave. She broke the picture and Frame throwing it on the ground and left.
After a year I allowed her to come back again and visit to see how that would go. I made a comment that by “helping me” in a situation she actually made it harder for me “but that was okay because it all worked out in the end”. She flew off the handle and said I was a “fuck up”, that I “ruin everything and if I wasn’t such a fuck up” ,she, “would visit more”.
I haven’t allowed her back in the house since.
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We’re afraid we’ll have to do this with my SOs mom. She disagrees with everything we do, and has no problems voicing it. So we worry as our son gets old it’ll transfer into him, because he enjoys things she doesn’t think he should it doesn’t approve of. My SO always goes back to his mom no matter how rude it nasty she gets, but he worries she’ll make our son feel bad about himself and the way we live already we have huge behavior issues when he stays the night with them.
So you’re definitely not alone in feeling likes it’s something you’ll need to do and if it’s best for your child then that’s what’s important
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Just because it’s family you don’t have to put up with their toxic behaviour . They don’t have a natural right to be in your life . I have cut contact with a couple of family members . One could’nt speak the truth if it slapped them in the face and the other was a narcissist . It was everybody’s fault , never theirs . If it makes it easier let the kids go to her house and keep yours " mom free ".
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I’m currently pregnant with my 3rd also. I also had to get rid of toxic relatives myself so now I don’t have much family and support my other 2 kids were from my ex husband and now that I’m pregnant by a different man, my toxic relatives want to treat my unborn baby different like telling me to put my child up for adoption. But for me to keep my sanity I took the toxic people out of my life regarding how close we all used to be. I’m done and me and my kids need a healthy life, we can’t do that with negativity.
If she can’t be civil I honestly wouldn’t even let her around my children. Children learn from adults. If she’s really that hateful to you who knows what she’s telling your children. I’d keep my kids away from her completely.
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Look, if you’re looking to mend and have a true and healthy relationship with her, the best thing to do is family/group therapy. To work through problems together and learn how to handle each other’s ticks.
However this isn’t an option for most people and unless she would listen to you if you talked to her about how you’re feeling then I would suggest keeping your sanity over having her in your life.
Go e them up not worth it
Haven’t spoken to my sister in over 10 years. Some people you just gotta cut loose. It gets easier with time.
Me and my mom were like this for about 2 years used to be close…then she starting acting crazy. We didnt talk for months nkw we do. Shes over all the time and we have a great relationship. Sit down and talk to ur mom tell her its hurting u about your relationship. Me n my mom both let alot go and put our differences to the side. Talk to her
My SOs mother and father don’t get along with me very well (they once did but not anymore). I started living in their house about a month after we started dating because I got into a car accident and my roommates were thinking of moving so I had to get out. They’ve treated me like their own and they’ve also went above and beyond to treat me like a slave. We’ve done everything possible for them, financially and non financially and they’ve also helped us in return. It wasn’t until I was gone 1 day and something of importance (a jug full of change and bills they had started saving to take our kids to Disney in a few years) was stolen because none of us had a key to lock the house and everyone that knew us or them knew where the change jug was and what it was for and always helped to donate to it for them…anyways, I was blamed for it going missing even though I had no control over locking the house and we had someone constantly snooping around our house and I was paranoid so I went to spend the night with my family. They turned their back on me and went above and beyond not talking to or seeing us or our children for 3 months. None of his family liked me even though I went above and beyond for them. I was treated like crap, they talked constantly about me behind my backs to each other and everyone treated my kids like utter shit even going as far as letting them cry when they needed something (hungry, diaper change) letting them sit in dirty diapers all day (even though I provided 3 days worth of diapers each day they went over there making sure to always restock each night). Eventually there comes a point you have to say enough is enough. No one comes around, no one calls or texts nor wants to see us or the kids. They stalk my Facebook page but then I get blamed for them not seeing the kids.
Mom’s have to learn that there children are no longer theirs. And let there children run there own life. I am a mom of forty years.and if my children need me I am there for them if not my lost . To fight over money or a picture is uncanny.
My Mom got weird to. She moved away tho, so a sigh of relief really. I moved to be near her and helped her all the time. I borrowed a pic of my brother to make a copy. Left a note so she would know. She was here within 15 min after she got home (I was taking care of her cat while she was gone) . She came for her picture. She took the frame and looked at the back to make sure she got the original. I was so confused!! I had clothes for her and she said they won’t fit and walked out. The next day she asked about the clothes. I said I donated them. She moved about an hour and 1/2 away so just emailing after that. She left Christmas Eve and I was left to clean up AGAIN. Like all her apts.