Boundaries. There are lots of good books out there. Even boundaries for leadership in the workplace. We will wear ourselves out trying to be everything to everyone.
Maybe you should sit these people down and let them know you love them but you are tired and doing everything on your own. You want to be there for them but at times they need to figure it out for themselves like you have to do. That it will make them stronger. Since it seems like there is more then one person that comes to you maybe you could send a group message explaining how you feel. Sometimes we have to stand up for ourselves when it comes to family and family drama. You have to think about yourself and your kids. If they get offended then they can deal with it.
Be truthful with them and explain that they are 1 many that you are doing your best to be there for, that you need to take a time out, and hopefully they understand
The story of my life! same boat until recently I decided I was going to ignore calls and messages. I had enough of people dumping all the BS to me and that extra weight have to carry around the house. Just ignore them and call them back when you ready to hear rhe complaining and nagging. Lol
If they come to you with a complaint first ask them how they think they should fix it. If they come up with a good answer then have them complete the task on their own. Delegating tasks isnāt a horrible thing. Some people need to learn to figure stuff out on their own. I even do this with my 4 year olds and up
Set boundaries, boundaries, boundaries! Itās hard and feels mean at first but start every day with pushing them to take care of things themselves. If you are busy, donāt take that call or text. Tell people youāll get with them later etc
Im sorry. Been there, done that, I started complaining back. Someone would say Im so tired, im not sleeping well its becoming a problem. Id say I know what you mean I have slept all of 6 hrs in the last 4 days. Let me know when you figure it out.
Sometimes you have to do that or tell them the complaint dept is closed today.
Unfortunately we create these situations. Trying to be helpful.and to get thing completed. We allow things to get out of hand. Start to put your life on n order. First put your self on a schedule. Self first. Prayer, or quiet time. Giv e othe s a chore or assignment. Let others help you. If you can help others do so. you cannot solve every problem. Donāt let your feels make you give in. Hold your ground. Peace
Dear Exhausted Mama Your kids are yours to keep. So!!! Thereās has to be boundaries in how you raise them. Your homeā:pray: your rulesā:100: Just say it to yourself, Iām the Bossā:thinking: It always works for meā:100: Your family. Or friends, is your call, they need to be in your timeā¦ Not you in theirs Good luckā:kissing_heart: N prayers to youā:pray:
Ditto. I went to my Church leaders and was told to pray for my strength and stop whining that I am needed. Excuse me, my heart needs encouragement and a older member of community dumps his dirty laundry on me and Church members accuse me of not being a strong enough Christian. This induvidual lives near me and is a womanizer and lust filled heathen. When I ask stong men to respond not woman I am made to feel blamed for how he treats me or any woman that tries to help. After another attack I again saught out leaders the men to work on my neighbor and leave me out of it. Finally have relief. First that God will move in our hearts. That women are not to be used or abused by lustful men seeking to harm not encourage the Christian body. Sometimes it takes more than one request to have people know they are needed.
Do not allow them to come to you for their complaints and negativity. It will be hard but tell them up front, if youāre going to complain or be negative donāt call me.
You sound like a wonderful hard working lady. You need to start saying NO make your children do chores and help you and stop letting people complain to you
Tell them you are not the complaint department and you donāt want to hear it. If they keep talking, plug your ears and repeat āla la la laā loudly (like when we were kids), until they go away.
Iām happy to be a mom of all trades as I donāt feel useless. I am wealthy of life experiences that I can share & can be useful to others. Iām happy to share whatever I can share and feel lucky & blessed that I am able to. All I need to do is just to simply say ānoā if I need a short break for myself. As simple as that, no question asked.
Donāt run yourself ragged with the kids. You canāt fix everything for them. Try saying no once in awhile or tell them to figure it out themselves.
Tell your kids they can wait. You need a minute. They will figure things out. If no ones bleeding dieing then it can wait. Tell your family and friends who complain to you .I dont want to hear it now. Stand up for yourself. Tell them its none of my buisness I donāt want to know about it.
Play I will tell you that is life with your kids they will always ask you to do something but if theyāre able to do it you should tell them to do it themselves nothing harm or bad just tell them to do it themselves try to tell other people to work on their problems themselves and instead of bringing you into the picture if youāre not with that person if your spouse with that person or if itās your kids you need to deal with it and take it slowly but surely as one day at a time or tell your kids what to do what ages are they for one and what kind of they asking you to do or just go into another room and think very carefully then come out and deal with what they want or do your stuff that you know youāre doing greatly and then ask them what can I do later on for you right now mom is busy and I canāt do a lot of stuff out once and if it is something like cleaning her room they should be doing it putting their clothes way they should be doing it after a certain age getting some food out for them. That is a snack or something they should get it if they need help cooking then they could ask you for that part of the time they should be doing everything on their own fixing their bed doing their clothes you know
Let your family know you had a tough day and need 30 minutes to chillā¦ set a timer with a sign saying ādo not disturbā
Please and thank you, I will be with you shortly!!
Regroup and talk about the positive things that happened to them todayā¦
Get a paper bag and write in it ā¦
Negativity issues go in here - then throw it in the trashā¦ Soo long negativityā¦
Arenāt there noise canceling headphones for that?
Have a glass of wine at 5pm while your peeling potatoes or whatever for dinner and have a joint at nightā¦lolā¦because as mentioned already, it wont changeā¦so just do you boo boo
Tell them the complaint department is closedā¦every time they call to complainā¦they will quit callingā¦so ??
I usually say "poop or get out of the bathroom
I just say, I canāt listen to anymore of this, itās stressing me outā¦ if they continue, I leave, or tell them to.
Ignore everyone and have a glass of wine!
Drop kids off at the people house who give u all thier crapā¦ Turn off ur phone, and take a day to youself.
Ask them to share one good thing after they complain
Designated chores ! Put your foot down!
Find 30 min a day for yourself just to relax and unwind
Put yourself in time out, I do lol
Just learn to say no, not today.
just dont respond* then. better yet, be assertive with them n tell them directly n clearly that you just dont hv time nthe emotional bandwith to be a makeshift therapist for them n tell them to go to therapy. like, see a real psychotherapist if their problems are that bad.
please avoid this as much as you can tho. unless youre dealing with cluster b peeps*, who just wont respect your boundaries, after being informed of it. bc personally i see this as a cruel n cowardly act. **please dont do this to neurodivergent ppl. bc im a neurodivergent person n i hate it so much when ppl ghost me/stonewall me/give me the silent treatment. bc that thing hurts a lot. i deserve explanations n closure you know. n i can only understand ppl when theyre being assertive. if ppl are being passive i wont realize that there is a problem. n if ppl are being passive aggressive/aggressive/being bigots n subjecting me to hate crimes (being intolerant of me n my nd traits n attacking me over those) that would trigger my meltdowns.
Tell them you want to be alone and they can solve there own problems. Tell your kids to get there stuff themselves if in reach cause itās your time out and you want to be left alone for 30 min
btw, please say it like this āhey, im sorry you hv to go thru all that. i care a lot abt you n i wish i could help you, but i rly cant rn. im busy working, n taking care of my house n my kids. i just dont hv the time, energy n emotional bandwith to lend you an ear. if the problems rly bother you, how abt seeing a therapist for that?ā so you wont come across as a cruel, mean, cold n heartless person.
oh n please know that by doing this, you also cant expect them to be there for you when you need an ear/a shoulder to cry on. you would hv to go to therapy for that too. you cant expect them to give you emotional support, which is fair, imo, bc you dont give it to them either.
You chose this job. Stop wineing
You are allowed to set boundaries, you can do so by outright saying āI do not like unsolicited advice, please stop doing thatā You can vividly express your displeasure upon receiving advice. You donāt have to grin and bear it to keep people feeling respected, ESPECIALLY while they allow you to feel disrespected. You are allowed to prioritize your emotional health and safety over your likability.
I may be incorrect in my assumption, but Iām inclined to believe that if your kids are interrupting your flow of tasks every 5-10 minutes, itās because they expect you to provide their entertainment. I think it might be useful for you to remember that being their constant entertainer isnāt part of the role of caretaker. Allowing them to cope with their boredom without you, as difficult as it may be for them initially - is not subjecting them to abuse. Itās been suggested by people more credentialed than I that allowing kids to cope with boredom on their own offers a good chance for them to learn emotional literacy and interpersonal skills like self-regulation and problem solving. You donāt have to prioritize absolving them of boredom over things that are important to you and the household.
Family: Maybe change the subject to a positive discussion. Talk to them and let them know you are emotionally exhausted and need to take a step back from their problems to handle yours.
Kids: I know, they are a handful! But cherish these times they come to you. Try to discuss what they need and why. Itās a perfect oppotunity to learn more about them. Sometimes life is so crazy, we forget to do that.
Advice is this. You get what you allow. You took that role. No one gave it to you. You accepted it. Until you couldnāt. So now go reclaim your life and set dome ground rules. Explain that you are to blame for ALLOWING your good deeds and hard work be taken for granted. No more.
As for those saying it never ends. Not so. Sure women do an exorbitant amount of work every day. Doesnāt mean they have to put up with anyone EXPECTING it or taking them for granted. Again you are treated how you Allow others to treat you. Especially your immediate family. Stop it now or your family will be the worse for it. Not to mention you.
Ask them what they did to solve their own problem. For the things that you can make people do themselves, do it. Doing things for your small children is another story.
It will stop when you put an end too itā¦
If you have older kid make him help you out with youngest children
Get a jeep and go for a week long so camping trip/road trip. I recommend Utah.
Set boundaries. I donāt answer my own mothers calls, she leaves me a voicemail and I decide If Iām going to call back. She constantly calls me in random moods to either belittle or gossip. I answer if Iām in a fine mood and figure out if I wanna talk. Or if Iām not up for hearing her crap, I told her to leave a voicemail and Iāll figure out if I wanna call back. I honestly just ignore her on the days sheās going to be a bitch or be bad for my mental health
- Only answer your phone when you have the energy to talk. Works for me.
Take care of yourself first
Oh for Christ sake Buck up
Spray and walk awaaayyy!!!
Some times u just have 2 say no
Donāt answer the phone!!!
Do all that and work full timeā¦ I do!
All u have to do is turn your phone down, or plain just say Iām very sorry but I really donāt have time to listen right now, really I donāt have the answers for everything, your not God, you deserve time for yourself good luck
No time talking to my own family
Aah attention seekers yer! " I know il look to Facebook to sort out my issues " for me! Lol
move, I did, 5 provinces away
by the way my kids were grown up
Hardest job in the world is parenthood !
Educate yourself about boundaries.
Say no to everyone a lot more
You need to delegate chores and have ur kids feed themselves as they can handle making sandwiches and cereal. Being a single mom is not easy. Been there but I was also the one all familyās came to do dump their complaints problems on me and I was so empty and highly stressed.
I had to isolate myself set boundaries and literally enclose myself in my room with all the complaints my kids would do non stop.
My husband helps but itās all the complaints does put a hinder on our relationship so when I say ā say noā more often, u have to for sanity. U need to have everyone go to bed early and u need self care time. Self care time prevents u from exploding and becoming abusive. Itās not selfish, your mental health matters. Donāt cook for them until they cleaned their mess in kitchen. If you have to decide the kids up in different spaces in your home so they can not bicker then do that.
You are not supposed to give and give and give on empty and work 24/7 and until you abide by your new agenda no one else will give you time to breathe. you have to be your own advocate.
When someone complains, say, āSo what are you going to do about it?ā If they say, āI donāt knowā say ā Well, tell me when youāve fixed the problem.ā You can say, āIām not prepared to listen to complaints right now. See if you can solve this yourself and Iāll let you know when Iām ready to listen.ā
Omg I feel this , sounds like my life itās so exhausting
You need a break! Seriously find a way to get bare minimum twice a month to get away and not be a mom or wife or family member. Whatever makes you feel like a person go do that! Once a week would be great, at least twice a month though. Parenthood shouldnāt erase who we are and take away the things we love. When we donāt get breaks things like this start to heavily get to us. It might not even be the complaints, are you feeling underappreciated? If yes then you need to vocalize that as well. Not so much to the kids because theyāre kids they complain. Everyone else though is definitely old enough to understand though.
Look at them dead in the eyes and say " I donāt care" turn around and walk away.
You have a lot of good suggestions. Different ones work with different personality types. And your type may feel comfortable with one thing and suffer guilt with another suggestion. Remember that when choosing what you can do. A relative always says this. Oh you are a smart girl, you can figure it out if you put your mind to it. I have faith in you! People quit complaining to her. Lol.
Give the kids chores.
I think you could do with a break yourself,seeing a friend or neighbour for a few minutes maybe a cup of tea together,would be good for you,if people come to tell you their troubles just listen,then change the subject ,they might get the message .
When they rest you rest. Take a night off by yourself or with a friend. Take time for yourself. It helps so much. Mom of 6 children.
Have everyone write out their complaint or problem on a piece of paper and drop it in the complaint box!! Read at your convenience or at your discretion!! An emergency demands immediate attention!!!
The chores should be divided among everyone!! Have a family meeting and discuss issues and let them help solve issues! If you can give them an allowance. The complaint box is open 24 hours a day! Show empathy-
If you complain without trying to find a solution itās called whining! I always told my son that I donāt speak Whinese!!
Mom goes on strike. Refuse to do anything. If they complain tell them they can suck it up and deal or figure out something that they like and clean up after themselves.
As for complaintsā¦ stop the mid-sentance and ask them if complaining is really helpful. If not then tell them to move along. You could also start a complaint box. Instruct them to write it down