How do I fall back in love with my husband? We love each other. We are just not in love with each other anymore. Leaving isn’t an option; he’s my soulmate; we’re just going through a tough time in our marriage and just looking for some advice.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How to fall back in love with my husband?
Try doing something new with each other or learn about they’re into. Even just making time for each other and going on date like you just started dating.
Do the things y’all did in the beginning that made y’all fall in love in the first place. That helps so much. Never stop “dating” your partner. Best of luck!
Pray about it, show each other appreciation, make time for just the 2 of you, really listen and talk with each other even about little things.
Date nights just you two,
Maybe a mini vacation, communicating what the other spouses interested in.
Going through the same… just make time for eachother …
“Start over” start with date nights random little notes for one another random surprises etc get back to what made you fall IN love the first time
I’m guessing you guys have been together for a while. People grow, change, like new things… Devote time to each other, doing something the other likes, don’t put pressure on it, just put the time and effort needed to remind yourselves what your missing being tired. And listen to hear the other person! Don’t listen to respond- don’t feel attacked, don’t be defensive, just because something makes you feel a certain way doesn’t mean that was the intention, be committed to communicate.
Recreate your first night together, let him know how you feel, and reminisce why you fell in love with him in the first place
Good honest sex cures many marriages that are falling apart. Remember the early days when you truly loved and desired your spouse.
Go on dates. Like first date dates. Get to know each other again. Treat each other like you just met. Shit, put on wigs and call each other different names, role play. You can always “start” over with your hubs. Think of what made you fall for him, what got you to be in love? Recreate a special moment or make a new one. Just take a breather and remember the love is there.
Same here, my husband and I just started going by this 2,2,2 rule. We work opposite shifts, we didn’t have a honeymoon. I actually worked the night after we got married and was in nursing school. Then life hits, and next thing you know you’ve been married 5 years. To most it may not seem like much but we are also 25, and almost 26. With 2 kids. Next month we’ll be doing our weekend getaway.
Break up… then start dating again. Communication and intimacy (not just sex) are fundamental to any solid relationship. Its extremely common for relationships to hit a rough patch around 7 to 12 years.
When you start dating again “forget” everything you know about each other and learn them again. Try new things, explore each other again. When you are in a relationship for so long both parties grow and change over time and it’s important to check in and see what’s new. But most importantly communicate, no one can see what’s wrong if words are not spoken.
Take a vacation just the 2 of you. Doesn’t matter if it’s across the country or a hotel 20 minutes from your house. I swear it works every time you feel like you’re not where you’re supposed to be. Vacations/time without our kids always pulls up close and we are on cloud 9 with each other when we get home. If you’re not having sex that’s a big one too.
Have you ever watched the movie “Fireproof” if you haven’t, it’s definitely worth the watch.
I have heard therapists recommend
Make it a priority everyday/night and it’s supposed to bring you instantly closer naturally
First off! Leaving is always a option! Why stay if your not in love? Ig if you want to make it work, try couples counseling to fix the real issue you both have and go out together more often. There this 2 thing, like go out every 2 weeks, every 2 months spend the weekend together and every 2 years go on vacation together. Hope this works but if it doesn’t… dont be afraid to leave. That’s ALWAYS AN OPTION!
I had a little chat with my husband when we were going through the same thing and we decided to give a little smile every time we looked at each other. I found we were dumping stress on each other instead of taking it out on each other in the bedroom or just talking about other stresses in our lives to relieve them. Then we decided to start foreplay in the morning. Some sensual kissing and a little bit of heavy petting gets the other person very excited for the whole rest of the day. That kind of anticipation can give you butterflies all day every time you think about them. I have been with my husband for 20 years. So I know exactly what you’re talkin about. Your sex life is what will help you feel connected and close. It is literally the chemical bond between you. Start complimenting each other. You need to feel confident and good about yourself. That will lead to other aspects of your relationship. Talk about Each Other’s Love Languages. Maybe they aren’t being met. These are things like affection, being looked after, displays of gratitude. Your love language is what you need from the other person to feel loved. Everyone is different. Good luck. And great for you for sticking it out and wanting to try. So often people just give up and think the next best thing is the next best thing.
Take the love languages test and use the results to find meaningful ways to show each other live on the others terms.
Forget that your married and romance each other again! Cute little inexpensive surprise gifts in his coat pocket…… love notes in his lunchbox…… make date night a priority and do activities (escape room, batting cages, cooking class, etc!)…… Turn off the tv and play a game!..… do a 7 day sex challenge (have sex for 7 straight days no matter what)……
The key is to reconnect and break the routines! We get so caught up in the responsibilities of marriage that we forget to look at each other as lovers and friends and people!
I made up this little 3 questions game! We each ask each other 3 random questions……and each have to answer.
Date, even if it’s a special dinner at home.
Ditch the kids and spend time alone together.
Flirt, send love notes or little suprises.
Therapy helped my situation. Our therapist gave us dating homework too.
Start dating all over again. Rediscover what made you fall in love with one another.
Dates, small gestures. Spending time together relaxing
Me and my husband I feel are in this same situation
You have to figure what exactly has made you both fall out of love first, inorder to fix it
Be honest with eachother,say all the things that have gone unsaid that have turned into resentment, and dont listen to respond, rather hear to understand
A little bit of space maybe! Some time apart is ALWAYS good for couples, you always realize how much you miss and love the other when you’re away for a while and come back.
That’s what’d I’d say !!
Try understand your not the same people you were when you met. Date again get to know each other all over again.
Sometimes you gotta let go of the past and move forward x
Life is exhausting. Go somewhere you can unwind. Get couples therapeutic massage, go on a spa weekend, a B&B where you just get uninterrupted sleep, go to the beach and do a lot of nothing while enjoying the view and sound of the ocean. It might be the rejuvenation you need to have energy for romance.
Marriage counseling to help you pinpoint why you are in love and help you refocus. Or maybe this is just a new love phase you are going through where you’re more comfortable than excited—it’s perfectly OK!
Share your dreams for the future with each other, even if they’re unrealistic (want to live in a castle in France, fly into space, become an Olympic athlete). Then see what elements you can make happen: if not a trip to tour French chateaux, a trip to visit a fancy home or castle nearby, in the U.S. (e.g., Vanderbilt, Hearst, DuPont estates, Château Frontenac), trip to a space museum or NASA facility, take up a new sport together, or do a You Tube, DVD or television exercise program you do at home—bonus if you can do it with the kids. Sometimes it gives you more energy, more flexibility and a better body and/or better body image which can lead to better intimacy. Or maybe a TV show, talk or presentation on the subject/s of your fantasies.
Make love someplace new (floor, kitchen, shower, closet, car, backyard if secluded), try a new position, get some toys and games for the bedroom. Dress up, role play, shower together, surprise each other.
Once I booked a B&B for a weekend, told hubs we were going to dinner for our anniversary (he groused all the way about how far it was) & I’d secretly packed a bag for him. Then when we got there I told him we had a room and he was happily surprised. You can ask if you can borrow someone else’s vacation spot or their house when they are away too. Booking places off-season is cheaper too. Play strip poker (or strip Fish, Uno, whatever). National parks often have places to stay from campgrounds to suites in lovely surroundings at reasonable prices.
Or surprise each other with a picnic, leave love notes around the house for them to find, erasable messages on the bathroom mirror. Ballroom dance lessons can be very romantic. Watch soft porn together. Read relationship books and discuss. Take a chapter or section at a time to accommodate your hectic schedules—you don’t have to read the whole book at once. Libraries let you renew online.
Good luck! Even if it doesn’t work, as Meatloaf sang, two out of three ain’t bad.
I’ve been married to my husband for 30 years & I am not in love with him, it’s gone beyond that. I love him, his my everything but we’ve grown outta the in love stage, it may sound harsh but after 30 years, 3 kids, struggles were still in it together & that’s what really counts. Are you happy & is he happy, not wanta be together anymore, still committed to the marriage? My feelings towards my husband go beyond being “IN LOVE”, we’ve grown in so many amazing ways, I have the deepest depth of love for him, administration, respect & loyalty, it’s BIGGER than just being IN LOVE if makes any sense. We celebrate our wedding day date each month, it helps us make time for each other, celebrate & remember we are committed to US & our marriage! God bless
Have you ever hear of the movie Fireproof starring Kirk Cameron? The Love Dare Movie. I encourage you to watch it.
And always remember that LOVE is a verb not a feeling.
We choose to love. It isn’t always easy. And if we tell ourselves long enough that we love but aren’t in love them we are really shooting our own selves in the foot.
Oh! And go to the docs and get your hormone levels checked. Could make all the difference.
Date night there is a book someone bought me called the five languages of love I recommend that you read it
Like the others have said, learn to date each other again. Find something that the two of you can enjoy together (just the 2 of you). Playing pool, bowling (join a league), riding motorcycles, etc. Write love letters, put your feelings on paper, and exchange them. Sometimes things flow easier on paper, than what they do face to face. That way your words, expressions and feelings are put down on paper and able to reread over and over. Plan special dates to places that have memories and pack a lunch and reminisce past memories. And most of all, remember to communicate. Communication is key to keeping the spark alive and well…growing. And the same goes for family time. Remember the kids need to have that family time as well, and you can plan special family nights…play board games, do a fun craft, etc. I have to do this with my teens, to let them remember we can still have fun together, even when we are financially struggling, and can’t afford to go out.
It’s easy to fall in love, but so very hard to stay there. Been with my husband now for almost 20 years, he is my best friend, my everything and love is a very fickle thing…love is a conscious choice you make daily…you make deposits and withdrawls and you make your marriage a priority. There will be times your marriage goes through phases and cycles, but you ride them out and push through because you do love this person and you made a commitment to one another. I believe every marriage that cam be saved should be saved…yes leaving is an option if you make it one, but it’s not always the best option. Also you have to work on yourself and love yourself in order to feel true love for another. Yes I know sometimes there are circumstances that justify leaving, but it does not sound like that in this case…so just remember marriage jas ups ans downs over the years the relationship changes over time. That lustful in love butterfly feeling does come and go…but the solid foundation and friendship is always there. It is a partnership and a relationship that needs nutured along the way
Make time for date nights doing fun things together also space for yourself helps as when you come together you’ve more to talk about other then house kids bills etc xx
Relationships always go through trials. There are going to be times like these. When we hit them, we take a rekindling weekend. No kids, nothing but me and him to rekindle the sparks and just be together.
You might be confusing the feeling of being in love with infatuation… Couples therapy is always beneficial
Been there, though I was a fool. My grandmother told me years ago that I have to look into my future. Who do I see myself with? Is my husband someone I can depend on in the hardest of times? I have been through the darkest. My health went very bad and we lost one of our children. My husband is the reason I’m still here. Find a way to get through this time. If he’s worth it you will have saved yourself
Try dating again go to counseling sometimes church people you can talk to to get help watch porn together use toys together go get you guys some sexy outfits video tape yourself taking a shower together rubbing each other’s back with lotion just trying different things to be intimate with each other
Start dating each other again. Get out of the house and out of your routine schedule of life and duties right now. Go out and have fun together take it back to how things were in the beginning but with all the extra perks of having been together for so long and having built that life together and all the knowledge that came with that time. It can be a beautiful thing.
Love waxes and wanes. Those butterflies come and go as your love grows and changes. It takes work and building each other up. Focus on two things, quality time set aside for your marriage and quality time set aside for yourselves individually to allow for space. That head over heels feeling doesn’t last.
How about praying about it and going to Church?
Get hormone replacement
Breakfast at a cafe…
Dress up when he comes home…
Make a nice bath…
He can run a bath for you with candles…
Random is good…
We been together for 35 years
Adults often underestimate the importance of play. Playing together, having fun, making memories, these are the things that are important to creating and sustaining relationships of any kind.
Make a point to plan a date night.
Maybe twice month. Nothing stressful, just give you two a chance to talk.
Send the kids off to their grandparents get off social media/go somewhere where there is no service and bring a pizza and beer. -and talk all night. Dates are still important when married!
Wait it out. But start being intentional about the things you do. So many times, people get so caught up in themselves and what they want that they forget about the other half of this equation. Small things add up to big things. If you know what he likes, start there. If you dont know what he wants and needs, ask. Hey, what can I do better for you?
Go on an adventure. Do something terrifying like bungee jumping or sky diving.
Have date nights . Go to a hotel and have sex and act like your dating . Good luck
Are you two still dating?
Out of no where do something special for him that he doesn’t expect but you know he would love and know you were thinking about him all day. Same advice for him. It’s the little things that matter.
Start flirting again, even if it’s forced or awkward at first. Have a date night once a week. Cuddle, hug, kiss being intimate is important (does NOT have to be se x). Have real conversations, not just about bills or kids. Talk about the future. Good luck and God bless you for wanting to make it work, to many people want to just give up and move on!
is he on board with you going on face book looking for answers seems to me if he is not in love with you anymore he could very well pull the rug out from under you. Because you are just room mates not lovers. You both let this happen the spark has gone out of your relationship once it has been snuffed it is gone for good. Remember you can’t make someone love you who doesn’t love you.
What about a husband that has a serious gambling addiction and he doesn’t think it’s a problem but in the last 4 years we have been struggling with everything , we have been married 28 years in April im just at a loss of what to do anymore
Go back to basics, hold hands, date nights, write silly little notes to each other
Kudos to you for trying to fix things instead of hitting the road. So many people want to give up without doing the work nowadays.
Date nights, making time just for you two, even during the week when life is busy, for things like couch cuddles and a romantic movie. Prioritize your marriage over your children (sounds crazy I know). Kids suck the sexy out of marriage, make sure you are being more to each other than just mom and dad. Think back to the very beginning when you first started dating, what about your husband was it that attracted you to him the most? Whatever it is, focus on those things. You’ll seem them more when you’re looking for them, and the spark will return.
Most importantly, you tell him what you need the most from him. Ask him what he needs the most from you. Honesty goes very far.
Counseling could be good
I feel the same a lot with my partner - focusing on going out on dates and keeping a positive mindset In general has helped us. Just have to start doing things to enjoy time together
Date night. But only plan a dinner…And then the rest of the night make it spontaneous. So it’s not planned per say. If that makes since
The way I enjoy my hubby when kids are not around I’m soo ashamed.
Figure out each others love languages and how to reconnect.
A long talk on the phone when he was 8 hours away talked one night for 4 hours the next night another 3 hours and he had an 8 hour drive to think about our relationship so far things are going great some time apart and long, honest talks is what we needed .
Spend time together, make each other a priority. Go on dates…
I asked myself the same question and tried desperately to save out 25 year marriage, just like we had done before, because marriage is something you continually work at. But this only works if you both want it, sadly for me he decided to find the excitement again with other women.
Little things sometimes help a lot. Maybe ask him out to dinner–and make the conversation light. Buy him a little thing that you know he would enjoy (six-pack of his favorite beer, X-Box card, etc.) Surprise him.
Start doing the little things for each other. The things you know they hate the most, even if you don’t necessarily like doing them either. Do the love language quiz, but also do the apology language quiz. Just like we accept love in different ways, we accept apologies in different ways.
Start dating again oh, by that I mean act like you did when you first started dating. Flirt with each other. Both of you dress up really nice. Get to know each other who you are now after all these years.
So my fiancé and I had went through this same problem before about 2 years ago. We always have work our problems out and would never go to bed mad at each other but things were just hard for both of us with situations we had no control over. I was going to leave until it finally came out of my mouth that I wasn’t in love with the man I meet anymore. We ended up talking for hours that night and we planned a get away together. The best thing is communicate! But if it comes to a point where that love is not there and really not there. You have to make sure the right choices are made and you’re happy at the end of the day
My husband fell outta love with me. I was lacking making him feel sexy/loved/wanted. We have 4 small children together and recently decided to split.
Men deserve to feel sexy just as much as us women. Focus on the two of you, go on dates, try new foods, go shopping together if you can! Spend time! Take a shower together, be silly… remember the reasons you fell in love with him in the first place.
I wish someone had of told me I was about to lose him, because fuck I’d do anything to have him back.
Take a break from each other.
Buy some sexy lengerie and candles, put some nice music on… reignite the passion. Date nights are great, but you can do that with a friend and not fall in love, whereas sex is an intimate experience I assume you only share with your husband.
30 day sex challenge.
Imo, I think people rely on fairytales and/or lies others tell about love, relationships and marriage. Sometimes you aren’t in love like you were in the beginning and you’re in a place of live for one another, this will usually change down the road again. It’s part of our growth, change, etc… Now, if there’s something more going on then that’s a different thing. Ex: abuse, addiction(s), adultery, etc.
Going through the same, married 22 yrs… he is my person, and he knows I am his. We start counseling on Saturday
Counselling, date night, mini holiday, do a project together x
He would have to start doing the things that made you fall in love with him aging…. You too. Court each other
Get some fun in your lives again … …go on dates, start a new adventure, spend time away from kids. … try to listen to each other more. Wish you both well.
Tell him what you need and expect from him and make a list and ask him to work on that… He should do the same.
You could want to be respected (not saying he doesn’t)
You could need help with the kids homework or take turns to cook. etc.
Work on what you expect from each other. Communication is key.
Then, go for walks alone…even after work for a few minutes or so. Exercise also helps with mood. Dress up and go on dates…
Take a trip together if you can! Or a little weekend getaway just the two of you
Communication is key for ANY relationship. Start doing the things that you used to do that made you both fall in love with eachother in the first place. Make date nights mandatory and remember, no relationship is easy.
Just for one week imagine he had died and you would spend the rest of your life never hearing his voice again, never sharing another day or memory together, never having his assistance with any problem large or small and then ask yourself whether or not you are in love.
Start dating again do the things you started doing in the beginning
You love him, he is your soul mate… I think people focus too much on what they see in movies and read in books… Love changes over the years, it won’t always be a hot passion, it will be comfortable friendship and intimacy too… Do you still cuddle, kiss, laugh, talk, enjoy each other? If so you’re still in love, it has just developed over time.
Go on dates again, learn each other’s love languages again, be spontaneous.
Start dating each other and do new things. Read the book about the five love languages.
I’ve always heard to set goals with eachother. That every relationship needs room to grow and new things to keep busy and keep the love thriving.
Perfectly normal. About every 5-7 years you will find you have grown apart, in different directions. Just need to spend some time coming back together. Been married 45 years to the same person. Just ride it out. The love is still there, you just have to find it.
I agree pretend that he died and you will never be able to do all the things you dreamed of. That you will never here is voice again or hold his hand or feel him in your arms or even feel his kisses. I promise you it will hurt more than you can imagine. I just lost my soul mate to Covid in December. I’ll never have those things again. Imagine crying yourself to sleep every night and trying to remember what his smell was. Then cherish him.
When you make a choice, every day to choose each other… your perspective changes and the approach is different… You choose Love and you choose each other. Not forced. Choice
Communication, affection and time together
Ask God to help yall love each other like he does.
Even if you aren’t religious the love dare is a great book! No matter what!!
If he was your soulmate… You’d still be in love.
The both of you might just be growing as people and need to reconnect. My husband and I usually set aside time after our daughter goes to bed, even if it’s just to watch videos on our phone or talk. I would also say make time to date each other, touch each other, and just figure out what y’all can do together. Even when things are good, the both of you have to keep trying every day. Maybe you could start by small shows of affection and then build up? Go on a date with him?
The whole thing with falling in love is totally overated and its not even love anymore. Ive watch couples like that fall in love then when there is no more fire in the relationship, they split up. Ive seen my parents love, 70 years, never in love, but love was there through sickness, tough times, infidelity, forgiveness, etc. Ive see the ugly side which is very ugly. Yet at the end of the night, even at their worse time, mom says she would rather be with him. Ive learned to love like her. After all the sparks are gone, I know deep down, I love my husband and honestly is dont want anyone else.
Pray, couples counseling, & date each other again! Also
As someone said some comments up… even if you aren’t religious, the “love Dare”is a great place to start!!
While you’re at it, the “5 Love languages” also .
Prayers to y’all!
Your already in love with him if he’s your soul mate…talk more and do things more together…have a laugh and go places…don’t give up…it will work out grass is never greener on the other side keep watering your side and it will grow and be a green as ever.
We really liked going through the “The And Project” cards.